He brought that magical word up, empathy. IT's what parents are missing when raising their kids and it effects everything in our lives, all of our choices are influenced by empathy.

Men express anger because that's the only emotion they are socially allowed to show. If we want to stop violence we need to teach them to express their emotions so that they don't grow bigger inside them and explode and express anger in a healthy way.

It's so important that a man is talking about this.

He makes so many excellent points. So important on multiple levels, that this is coming from a man. What a great talk.

Very important speech❤❤❤ A lot of people still believe that men are just not capable of controlling themselves.. And that is so wrong- men have the same ability of controlling their behaviours as women do! The only difference is that it is being excused all the time.

Boys definately should remain boys, responsible boys, protective, understanding, carrying, loving boys, non-agressive boys, respectful boys... cheers!

thankyou for stepping into our shoes😊

As a man, this is such a strong and sad video. This feels so bizarre, alien like. How did it get to this? This video needs to get viral.

I could have cried knowing that this man wants to see the unspoken entitlement some men try to exercise over women. Hearing him say the men know what they are doing gives me confidence to put my foot down and end this nonsense in my household. We will be different. Thank you so much!

Thank you for this video. I think we should be having more active conversations about this issue.

Also I feel like young boys are encouraged to be 'jerks' more than women because they see skipping school and taking drugs as being more masculine and seductive. That's their way of expressing their masculinity. I don't know how we could change that. Finding better ways to express masculinity? 'leave your ideas down bellow'

One in three women will be the victim of violence in the family... That's so shameful.

Wow - sobering and sad statistics. Well done video and good tips for making things better for women.

Interesting that when you describe what makes a man “manly” is how I would describe most women.... independent, logical, efficient, provider and protector of the family unit....etc.

My husband used to say, If you’d just do what you’re told there wouldn’t be a problem

My ex was irritable and easily angered. It had nothing to do with his family and everything to do with him

My response to “boys will be boys” is and always will be “only because we let them” 100% spot on, it’s an issue of socialisation.

Just curious, if something is endemic in one country and endemic in other countries, why don't we call it a pandemic?

Responsibility. Look at the word: Response - Ability= the ability to respond. It's not a blame, it's a POWER. We must all use our ability to respond to a problem that hurts everyone. Men have more ability to respond to this issue because other men listen to them. Responsible men like Terry Crews, Jackson Katz, etc. are powerfully responding to this number one public health crisis, violence of some men toward men, women and children. This is the bottom line. It's very simple. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be behind this.

Amazing talk! So important!

15:47 and there you screwed...

Bravo, well said

This video deserves more than 88,000 views

thank you uuuuuuuuuuuugh! Thank you thank you thank you.

MY car went missing before a premiers visit it was packed to leave DV. Men in uniforms moving vehicles. St Kilda Council, Premier Dept vehicles and Local press vehicles all parked in urban street residential parking spots. Lots of cars moved. The Vic Police Ministers letter to me "its not whether we were moving vehicles in the street or not, it's whether we moved your vehicle.... " Well, I was too tired and stressed to write back. That the construct that if youve moved 6 cars around mine on that day and the day before for a pollies press function.... maybe you made a mistake and moved mine too, mistakenly took all the things in the car etc etc.... Or maybe you did it on purpose????

Dope do more it’s needed

Do you ask these men how the women they hurt are living? How have they been accountable for their behavior? Does the state make sure these women have appropriate housing etc... MY exs brother was state attorney general and Deputy Premier introducing celebrities at White Ribbon Events in Federation Square. I could not walk into a police station. My car went missing before a premiers visit in St Kilda and the threat when I left was "me and my brother will get you." The first time I called St Kilda police I was told we dont do assault charges love....

I'm privilaged to loose custoty of my kids in 2 out of 3 cases, I'm privilaged to be laughted at in case of domestic violence or rape. I do not say the privilage he mentiones doesn't exists, but I'm against building this sort of privilage arguement to create a system of people who need to be edjucated and changed. Just because somebody is more privilaged then you doesn't mean he/she is the only one that needs to change things, he/she isn't the only one that is the problem that will fuel the solution. Just because you erase all "privilage" you create a perfect world. The focus on privilage is not a way to "equality" as far as I see it. Still it's just another opinion thrown into the waste spaceof youtube comments or in this case the smaller one we have on this old video

A man should be calm and peaceful

the thing about being a battered woman that I really don't get is why can they control themselves when there are witnesses yet as soon as company is gone you're in for it? can anyone tell me this?

He is right. Se have to change our self.

Beautiful and powerful

To all the men in this comment section saying women don’t go through anything: “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”

Wish someone would address the prenatal stress and injury that is the result of these very negative behaviors as well as all the other negative and destructive effects.

the people who disliked this video are horrible

I also note this voice is all about the statistics. I hear no mention of anger management scales. A basic count to 4 can decrease anger responses. Time out at 3 so you dont reach 3.5 of an anger management scale of 4 is really helpful. Tools like time out. Leave before an argument esculates, etc, etc, this talk esculates the discussion of the continuation of violence that feeds Danny and his collegues. YOUR anger is their income. Bring in the tools to change behavior and some of them are very simple and dont mean that alot of people have to give this much attention to this man in this Ted talk that is a circular discussion. He hasnt given a real answer to his own question. He has avoided the real discussion. etc etc. The undercurrent I hear is that Danny is trying to sound like he sides with the men, that he understands their emotions etc but that he is secretly on their team, but teaching them to be more subtle etc. This is not about tip toeing around this behavior, its about stopping the behavior. Thats it. NO more no less. As one smart young male taught me - your either this or your that. Its that simple. Its not about all this talk.

Most women are saying that they need a man who will protect them or make them feel safe; It's unfortunate that most men never understand that!

It’s not being privileged it’s being treated properly

Danny, I listened to you and I heard an undercurrent in your talk that I didnt like. This violence is not something to tread gently around, its not about definitions of masculinity or making men who commit violence feel comfortable.. Its about their behavior being wrong and them knowing their behavior is wrong. Its about these men projecting their abnoxious and cruel behavior on others. Setting people up to be "role models" when they have beaten their wives or families is not an appropriate connection. You want them to just not be violent. Its not about everything and everything. Its about not hitting people and if you do that there are consequences. Its about if you are at an anger management course you may be one of those people who has avoided the courty system. Its about creating a social norm that violence is not ok. Its not about asking them who they want to be its about not being violent. Its not about gently persuading a violent man to be nicer. Its about them learning. Them taking the steps to change their behavior. NOTHING MORE< nothing less. ITs not about them dumping their negative energy on the women they scare etc etc...

Algorithm push this vid out ffs

i want christina hoff summers the factual feminist in ted talks

Family ...and violence are two words that should not go together...but its true...its mostly found in the home. Women are never safe...ever...not at home or at work. I wish men would understand the privilege they have taken upon themselves and have stolen the freedom of women. Women live in fear and shame when they are asked about being beaten..and dont like to admit they are living in an abusive relationship.

If you want to help some one to understand the phenomenon called WHITE KNIGHT and Simp at once, just show them this video

Men are overwhelming responsible for domestic violence? Really. Study after study has established that it's pretty much a 50/50 split. You say you work in this field - how is it possible that you are not aware of this? Now imagine it was possible to factor in something like emotional abuse? I don't mind this issue being addressed, it would be even better to see it addressed honestly.

12:48 ...

Making this a male issue means you have ignored half the population and again leaving women out of white ribbon events for example means these men do not have to face the people they have damaged or stand in front of a woman and be accountable.

As far as who is the most intimidating is concerned, it seems to me intimidation has a lot to do with hormones. Male testosterone, not female estrogen produces in men a louder and deeper voice as well as tougher muscles in the typical man, which in turn is a built-in advantage for the man to become violent when angry. Yet even if a woman becomes equally angry she can only scream, which is usually counter-productive for her purpose. The man, on the other hand, can physically destroy the woman and she knows it. How sad to be born huMAN. Sadly too is the fact that very few of earth's nearly four billion men will apply their minds to the changes necessary and expressed in this enlightened talk given by Danny Blay.

It should cost you more until you correct it. Whilst there are these talks, the reality of workplaces, of social interactions, of AFL culture... even mentioning AFL is a sign that you dont really get it as yet. St Kilda Football team and the St Kilda football girl and the total denial of what happened at the time. The protectionof our boys, the destruction of our women. In editors terms, a bad news story is a damaged woman. A good news story is a man, no matter what hes done off camera smiling and telling you about the latest government policy or etc. etc.

WALK A MILE IN HIS SHOES

Plus, my attacker / weird relationship, who I ended up cleaning his fingernails in the psych ward whilst the then current psychiatric nurses stood not far away chain smoking and chatting with patients. You see for some nurses, the psych ward is their social life too. They encourage psych patients to go out with them... One woman was mounted on a nursing station saying she would go out with my ex for a beer. I wasnt worried about him going out with others, I was grateful if that happened. What I noted was that his psych team hadnt got it - that he went manic after 3 beers in a week, not in one evening, but in one week. If they hadnt any idea of the impact of a manic cycle on a man with a tendency towards hypersexual behavior and assaulting women and wanted to go out with him... well, that incident just about summed up the Alfred Hospital St Kilda ward. Plus, he was on a CTO at the time of the first assault. His psychiatric team had signed papers to say they were vicariously liable for his behavior as it was a form of guardianship. But the same person who signs this paper would be the supporting psychiatrist in court stating his patient had a mental illness....... not that he over and under medicated him. Played jury, judge and torturer all at tax payers expense... and had his own problems that I saw when he would be out at 7am buzzingly high with sunglasses on, stalking down our street and not able to contain his own responses. So, lets look at this system properly. Lets make real changes.Stop giving excuses Explanations yes, but you are letting these men just damage more and more people and its such a waste of everybodys time and energy.

Most violence reported cases are just too petty n violence against men is rarely reported....

Whose side are you on woman men may be privileged in some ways but women are very privileged in many ways that men are disadvantaged but you were raised right you ain't beating on your woman or your family

A female psychiatrist at the Alfred Hospital used my desire to leave to fuel her energy to leave me trapped in fight so she could fly to Sydney to visit her fiance. I said I wanted to leave him, she told me to stay and left me in a room at the Alfred Hospital facing an aggressive in patient in front of another psychiatrist....... There needs to be consistent support from those that we are led to believe are our eminent professionals.

The host is trying to do good. The simple truth, however, is the human psyche embodies all these psychological qualities. That's right, women too. This isn't the result of society alone, or a group... it's inherent in the individual. People can either be creative or destructive... both are realities and both are embodied in all of us. So it's not the fact that men are in charge... it's how responsible are the people in charge... and how responsible were we in placing them in charge. England still has royalty... what purpose does that serve? Yet their is always this talk about the Queen. Why is she (or he) relevant. I've just answered both the problem and the answer.

Cayren Barcay, BasedMom deserves better than this.

Please 🥴 .. STOP making excuses for bad behavior!!!!

very weak speech that is. Talking about violence only on the physical level. Psychological violence can be as bad as that - but no word about that. He also gives a lot of statements that are just wrong, like boys will get more attention in school than girls, which is nonsense. All in all it is clear that if you start from false assumptions you mostly get to wrong conclusions.

While I agree with most of the first half of the video, the whole rant about male privilege didn't seem very relevant. I just don't see how any of it connects back to men being abusive. Abuse is a terrible issue, and it's an event that often isn't noticed. Sometimes people can be in an abusive relationship, physical or otherwise, and feel like they have no way out of it, struggle to seek help. Sometimes people are hesitant to leave even when given the option because they wouldn't know what to make of them self without their partner, even if being with their partner causes them to live in fear. I don't have a solution to it. It's an inherently difficult issue to solve since it tends to remain in the dark more often than not.

It was a good talk until he started talking about male privilege and socialisation.

NO you dont have to walk in her shoes. You have to respect her in her own shoes. I dont wish to wear your shoes, but I do wish to respect you in your shoes. Why would you think I would want you to walk in my shoes? Did you ask me if that is what I think will solve the problem, or did you decide that this is what we as men need to do? I would like to see women appropriately represented at white ribbon events and genuine accountability for behavior as part of that process.

And the perspective is absolute bias

Does she ever have an obligation to "walk a mile in his shoes"?

What utter waffle.

reject modernity embrace masculinity

A man should always control his anger, however provocative, toxic the wife is. A man who raises his hand is fallen for the trap. The wife will remember and remind him for the rest of his life. Mediation is the key. Control your emotions.

This talk is out of date ... The pendulum has shifted !

Protector,heroic, brave,provider, self - reliant,loyal, those are not what comes to mind when we think of the modern metrosexual, pussified, feminized, male things you all have created. Violence is a necessary component of survival, but it is wrong to misuse that capability for violence toward women. MiF

To be honest this talk started really well.. I'm not even going to bother wasting my time on explaining it because those who know, know. What a disappointing talk.

Not necessary