"Can I be my own victim?"

"Can I be my own victim?" | ep.213

Рет қаралды 9,465

Күн бұрын

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about what it means to be your own victim, and how that can be used as a way to victim blame. She then explains avoidant attachment and how it can affect our therapy process, what to do if we are an introvert but also lonely, and how to help a partner dealing with trauma nightmares. She discusses the difference between agoraphobia and complex PTSD, and the effects of having a parent laugh at our self harm struggles.
Audience questions:
1. How can people say you are your own victim? I have depression and low to null self-esteem …I am trying to make better through therapy and CBT/DBT practices etc. However, recently my friend told me that I am my own victim which I kind of get because of my self esteem issues but my depression is not a choice. It is not like I wake up every morning and say I am going to feel shitty about everything today. In CBT, we learn that you can only control your own behavior but what am I doing wrong to still feel depressed if I am following the so-called rule books and doing opposite action, thought questioning,etc and still feel depressed frequently? I am on medications, have attended outpatient therapy and go to therapy weekly for almost 2 years. So, how am I choosing to be depressed again? 01:33
2. I struggle with avoidant attachment. I’m struggling with feeling like my therapist doesn’t actually care about me and I have a push and pull urge to cancel all my appointments but also I want to increase my appointments. Does this mean she’s not a good match or how do I work through this with her? 10:23
3. How do we cope with being an extreme introvert, but also being very lonely. It's a constant battle and I feel like a walking contradiction! There are often times when I want to go out. And crave connection. Yet as soon as I start to socialize I feel exhausted. I'm socially anxious, which I know may be part of it, but to be clear, I'm talking about the times when I'm calm and comfortable... 15:40
4. I’m hoping for advice on helping ground a partner with extremely severe night terrors/panic attacks. My girlfriend has quite a lot of compounded trauma from past SA, DV, & past life threatening situations. Unfortunately she suffers from these ptsd-esque attacks multiple nights a week. When I mean severe I mean during them she seems to think she is back in old abusive situations, seeing me initially as a threat. She cries, sweats, hyperventilates and trembles, begs “no” and for “it” to stop. 24:21
5. What is the difference between complex PTSD and agoraphobia? Also in terms of treatment? For example going outside makes me anxious because I fear getting kidnapped or harmed in any way but also staying at home alone gives me anxiety because I fear that someone will break in. And I get panicky when I am in crowds but only if I don't see a way out. All in all, I feel paranoid because I "need" to look over my shoulder to make sure, no one is following and I really dread going back to uni. I'd rather stay at home. 32:43
6. Hi Kati, can you please talk about how it affects a child for a parent to laugh and make jokes about their self harm when they notice it? I feel so fucked up from everything that happened and still self harm years later. I also had sexual abuse as a child from a family member that got shushed and never spoken about. 37:37
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Пікірлер: 46

@BPCado 27 күн бұрын

I hate so much when people say things like "you are your own victim". People struggling often have tones of shame about it and this phrasing only adds up to it. It's almost another version of toxic positivity to me (just as the gratitude journal if done at the wrong time). Thank you for the podcast Kati and to anyone asking questions.

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

@BPCado. I can completely understand and relate to your comment iv been told a lot though my life I am my own victim yes I agree this is toxic advice yes we are all struggling and dealt with feeling shamed and so on ❤

@katysmislova1754 27 күн бұрын

introversion doesn’t mean people who always want to be alone. the literal definition is people who “feel more comfortable focusing on their inner thoughts and ideas, rather than what's happening externally. They enjoy spending time with just one or two people, rather than large groups or crowds” there are real introverted people in the world who prefer quiet lives with one on one connection with others.

@erindabney2758 27 күн бұрын

My Own Victim was an awesome thrash metal band in the ‘90s and ‘00s. “Blood for blood for what I’ve done. BLOOD FOR BLOOOOOD!”

@MidlifeEdit 27 күн бұрын

Question 1 really is a complex one. In our society most are detached so when people share you are your own victim they tell themselves this so they can feel superior and when your honest it triggers them. I may be one who is too out but I don’t feel depression goes away you learn to live and adapt just like other illnesses. Yes I know some do resolve for most days but it can pop back up. All deserve to live well how that looks depends.

@laymayday 27 күн бұрын

I strongly agree with this. The people who says stuff like that are people who think they are superior because the don’t (or believe they don’t) have the same problem/problems. They only show how shitty they are.

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

@MidlifeMindsetMaker. Nice KZfaq name also a a very important and interesting comment ❤

@kayw4bros 27 күн бұрын

Thank you for doing this and being such a good resource Kati!!!! And thank you for answering one of my questions! Thank you for putting a broad time limit on feeling better. I am not patient with myself, so 6 months seems like a long time for me to not see a lot of progress. I am still planning on getting into some somatic therapy of some kind, but it’s good to know that it can take a long time. That I’m not stuck just because it’s been a couple of months of really struggling again. It really gives me hope that I can feel better again someday

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

@kayw4bros.intresting and important comment❤

@MayasDream 26 күн бұрын

Thank you for living your purpose. 💖

@nancyliawoods 27 күн бұрын

Thank you, love these so much ❤

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

Kati Morton.i appreciate your advice you gave in the livestream ❤❤

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

Kati Morton I missed watching and listening to your new podcast I will definitely watch and listen later much love to you❤❤

@eryaviel 27 күн бұрын

I have PTSD and have extreme night terrors. Prazosin was a literal life saver. Obviously I'm working through my trauma with my therapist, but I couldn't even start that with the sleep deprivation I previously had. Meds can suck but sometimes they're necessary to start the steps to healing.

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

Anyone here a kati Morton member who listened and watched her new Q&A livestream last night honestly for some reason still feeling mentally exhausted and a bit anxious after Kati's livestream

@laurenliska9425 25 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. I check pretty much all the avoidant attachment boxes and am also a very socially anxious introvert. I don't trust relationships and don't let anyone in. I have a couple of nice acquaintances but it's still very surface level, we get pizza and chat for a couple of hours about light topics. I don't feel lonely though, this is what I have chosen because I feel safest on my own. I was happy to stay inside on my own during lockdown. I've had over a dozen sessions with my therapist over the last two years, and only was able to be vulnerable and talk about my childhood trauma during my latest session. I do go to my sessions, it is just I tend to have my guard up even in a session. I think my therapist may be starting to understand just how guarded I am now, but how should I proceed with my therapist? Thanks again for this.

@lindapeacock4613 28 күн бұрын

Thanks for this info very helpful

@kaydahareli185 27 күн бұрын

Besides therapy and medication, excercise and diet are unbelievably helpful for depression. Cut out sugars, (comfort foods are carbs/sugars that backfire on our depression) gluten, oils and processed food. Excercise! Excercise could even be a brisk long walk. Walk until you feel your mood starting to switch and some more 😊

@daviddanielsson3643 27 күн бұрын

Prazosin worked well for my nocturnal PTSD-symptoms (waking up screaming, sweating, nightmares, etc). Won't solve the underlying issues (therapy is necessary for that), but in combination with other medication it may relieve the worst symptoms.

@eryaviel 27 күн бұрын

Same here, that did saved me. It stopped the screaming and really bad nightmares. I still have anxiety dreams sometimes but nothing like before.

@Sarah_Sunshine1 19 күн бұрын

Does it help with sleep itself as well? I don't sleep anymore during nights. Nothing helps.

@MaraJrianne 27 күн бұрын

988 in the US is also an option besides 741741 for the not having insurance - planned parenthood. They can work on a sliding scale and may be able to get the prescription written and, if not, are often plugged into the other services in your area that also work on sliding scale or have free medical services. (we had one where I live called occupy medical. I haven't seen them in months but they were in the downtown main square every saturday for years.)

@georgiarebapis-nehring9951 27 күн бұрын

The Self Love book is amazing!b Highly recommend it

@GordonSellers-lu8wc 23 күн бұрын

I talk to people,.... but there answer is always "that is just life".

@aba5219 17 күн бұрын

How can I reserve an online session with you please😢

@tylerferrand8786 27 күн бұрын

We tried the container exercise at my last therapy session... But I can't get into it. I tried to visualize the box described it to my therapist but moving the emotions is my problem. It is just so silly. How can I get over that

@wrongname2702 27 күн бұрын

I just had to do this before the EMDR therapy could start and this exercise works way better for me if I make it job related. Working in a lab with a lot of cool shaped glassware and being able to imagine putting my lab coat on and then a giant glass flask with a stopper on top as my "box" and watching the colors change when I add it the "stuff to process later" really helped me with it. I liked the clear glass and liquid model because I hate hiding parts of myself from myself if that makes sense? And the part that helped me get into the fantasy of it is literally putting that lab coat on. See if your therapist would be cool with a costume change. I'm imagining the lab coat part but you could do that with an actual coat or sweater to help feel like you are letting go of the box until it's time to process again. I wouldn't be reliant on the coat or jacket but if it would help you get into the space where you can imagine the "box" then I would see it as helpful.

@tylerferrand8786 22 күн бұрын

@@wrongname2702 I used to cosplay a lot as anime characters. But I never played the part, always felt to awkward.

@wrongname2702 22 күн бұрын

@@tylerferrand8786I'm not sure if you're a Harry Potter fan but that reminds me of the boggart being able to put on anyone's greatest fear from that wardrobe looking thing. Your box could look like a wardrobe and changing into the outfit or cosplay related to that trauma... then putting that one back into the wardrobe. Since it's imagination based I find that the possibilities are endless as long as you resonate with it. Could be a music box that changes tunes based on the work you're doing. Or if you're familiar with record players it could be cool to imagine the records being put on a record player for the therapy and the act of taking the record off the player and sleeving it and putting it back on a shelf. I find the box metaphor to feel limiting but there's so many more ways you can spin it! You could take that record example and apply to a library book shelf and the books can be the box. I like complicated boxes but if complicated is too much it could be a simple cardboard box since you don't seem to resonate with fancy boxes. The cardboard is fine in this case since we are going to work on it later. It doesn't have to have a fancy lid. If the visualization is hard why not have a physical box to serve as a placeholder for the mental one until the mental one feels more real to you I would double check if that's ok with your therapist first though. If you were dependent on the actual box that could cause problems later

@LesonaCrochet 27 күн бұрын

How can we submit questions?

@LikeABrezeee 27 күн бұрын

In the commynity tab on her channel. She posts for people to comment every sunday❤

@LesonaCrochet 27 күн бұрын

@@LikeABrezeee Thank you!

@nikkimckay860 27 күн бұрын

Kati Morton. you looked beautiful I like your pink top and make up❤❤

@rotomwash0355 27 күн бұрын

I just wanna show support. Katie helped get me through Wuhan.

@Ominous89 27 күн бұрын

(Self-)Medication because you have a complex past is the true victimhood. I went in and out of therapy because I refused to use meds, only because I have a difficult past. Sure, diazepam and lorazepam helped me to fix an anger outburst, fix tension pain, no rumination, great sleep... But the true humilliation is not being able to fix your own behaviour without any meds. I absolutely detest the fact that I ended up smoking MJ for almost 20 years, not to enjoy it, but to fix my own behaviour and to fix my agression. Every time I smoke, it feels like I've failed at living a decent life.

@lukefisch9483 27 күн бұрын

thank u so much, I can feel how hard that must have been, there are probably so many people who feel the exact same way and are relieved they aren’t the only one going through this. I know people who are just like this and I love them to bits❤️

@lukefisch9483 27 күн бұрын

There’s a lot of good resources on marijuana u can learn about, I feel like if u need help it’s absolutely okay to share that with someone. I don’t think it’s ur fault, and I don’t know if assigning blame would be helpful to u because I can tell ur going through a lot. But if some one was in a world of hurt I’d wanna know why, and what I can do to help, that’s what’s been helpful to me and I wish u the best

@caramelgirl6962 28 күн бұрын

I'm early yaay

@AndreasVlurchVader 26 күн бұрын

copy functionality and in number of regards..

@AndreasVlurchVader 26 күн бұрын

thats the go to way to function as punisher ninja to be as well as punish ninja exact.

@Aboguaboga 27 күн бұрын

I kinda agree with the friend from the first story, a lot of times it’s us, you can be free from whatever circumstance caused your pain and you will still be inflicting pain on yourself. It will either sound minimizing or motivating I don’t think people say “you’re your own victim” trying to make you feel worse, it’s to give you a sense of control over your actions and outcomes. And “working on yourself” is a phrase that is thrown around so loosely like what does “working on yourself” even look like? Getting therapy than what? Trying to control your thoughts and not actually living in your life than what? Idc what anyone says, we all need goals and objectives in life and if you don’t know yours that’s where your focus should be not just focusing on preventive measures. I would even argue that the only time you should consider therapy is when you know what you want out of it and with the idea of being able to overcome whatever it is, learn from it, and actually move on, by moving on I mean you acknowledge it’s in the past and there is no emotional reaction to whatever it was. Ps- not talking about people with PTSD I’m also a firm believer that depression is more circumstantial in most cases than people give credit to. Maybe you hate your job, relationships, or whatever it is, in most cases I do believe it is circumstantial

@dabbler1166 26 күн бұрын

TWO things. 1. a Mild criticism: I'm now totally burned-out on anymore KZfaq videos from anybody....on: A) Trauma bonding B) attachment styles By now, there's already enough in available online to "choke a horse". Time to move on to some new topics. Like what? How about: #2. an Encouragement 1. Agoraphobia........and 2. Anhedonia By comparison to about a dozen other things, these 2 are widely neglected. Just sayin'.

@AndreasVlurchVader 26 күн бұрын

( who are trailed by gangsterfs and full corrupt police chief and close in team -politicians -some businessmen -models and some sensuality artist models -low nobodies -too close to low nobodies (which are some varried persona actually.. so then you have i noted visible crooked beautiful as is or on other ways of your range).

@Malekfahad420 27 күн бұрын

Hey Kati, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?

@AndreasVlurchVader 26 күн бұрын

will need to adjust Kati Mortons nose as well as some little more Her eyes. This is bone control through. Kati Morton i remark here too you have very versatile shape.. this will be made some extra sauce way brownit sauce-with style. but i would want some wicked.. and so it must be postponed by the speed of it.. we are punisher ninjas to be.. whilst also settled down somewhat. You are a psychologist right? who are all these millions when you have a visibly crooked but good looking face?