Love this

My narc told me he wanted to be treated the same as he treated me, so down that rabbit hole I went and he didn’t like it and moved on to new supply while I’ve gone no contact as he had tried to get back in contact with me again. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I wonder why my mum stayed with narc Dad for 52 years before he passed. He was horrible to her. She even ended up being horrible to him but not as bad, and horrible to 3 of my siblings and me. She later got emotionally closer to another one of my siblings.

Boom boom tsk!

😂

For real. Mine isn't still giving up and I'm kinda feel like I've been hoovered as I've fallen for the apologies 😔

I hope so have not had a restful night sleep in more than two years

Still working on that

What about dreams? I suddenly stopped dreaming (or remembering anything about having them at least) and I used to have vivid one.. often they were wonderful escapes. I have been doing exercises to encourage remembering them, but to no avail yet. The good ones were always good enough to make up for the nightmares, and I miss dreaming.

@@MicheleBonna I don't really dream like I used to. Or at least I don't remember them, which could have something to do with how narcissists impact our memory. I miss dreaming as well!

@Deborah Jones How at 71 did you find a job and a new career? I am 71 and I couldn't find a job to save my life! I was either timed out of my former career, to long out of the workforce, or too old, though by law they couldn't say that.

@@jinxkrug7000 I had an old teaching degree that he had never let me use...after the divorce I began to pursue avenues like day care...kindergarten teacher...and finally with more training I now am an autism therapist. Keep upgrading yourself!! My boss doesn't want me to retire. Believe in yourself!!

I am so happy for you! It’s never too late, folks!

Inspiring! Happy for you, truly, we can all make it if you can!

Whoops I did 20+ years 🤮

@Zara Greer…..This! My whole family that I was born into, were narcissists and some were also psychopaths. I was the youngest, so I was raised to cater to all of their needs and to see my own needs as selfishness. When I look back on it all, it makes me cringe. When I was a child, I would watch the Munsters, and notice the stupidity behind Marilyn (the only beautiful, ‘normal’ one in the family), feeling like she was never as beautiful and wonderful as the rest of her ‘monstrous’ family. Comments were often made by her, or the others, regarding her lack of ‘being more like them’. The family dynamics between Marilyn and the ‘monsters’, was basically that of being in a narcissistic family…..of learning how to gaslight yourself, and accept what the rest of the family says about you as fact. I was Marylin in my family, and I felt sooo imperfect! Looking back, I now see what a VERY sick family I was born into. My sons disowned my family before I did, and they couldn’t understand why I didn’t cut ties sooner. It was because of a lifetime of being told how selfish I was if I did anything for my own betterment. My family of birth was always telling me how I couldn’t possibly amount to anything……but to my own sons, I told them that they could be or do anything that they set their mind to and their heart on…..but since no one ever told me that, I didn’t believe it for myself. I was raised by the narcissists to be everyone’s cheerleader, but my own. This in turn set me up to marry narcissists. I am seeing everything clearer, finally! Now that I am old! I feel like I wasted my whole life because of believing the words of narcissists over my own…..of course, it helped that I was outnumbered by so many of them and being the youngest. Oh well.

You must relearn to receive love again...very hard.

I felt this too... Even now being aware of this issue I struggle to see my reality. It's an uphill battle but take it one day at a time. You deserve love, kindness, care, attention and you will find healing

So true. I get told that it is selfish if I put first.

Seriously hard to undo that mindset :(

Seriously ❤️

Our internet mom ❤️❤️

Aww that's lovely 😊

💯😻

Yes! She is awesome.

Thats weid i felt that too!

Seriously. Kind of like a slap to the face!

Yeh...

Me too!! 💯

You got this 🙌🏾💞

Oooh I relate so much to "I miss her". I've already recovered so many parts of myself but on the dark days, it feels like I'll never fully get my lightness back.

Same

Yes ! I can laugh again .

Yeah you had to become a grey rock

That was so good thank you

I agree that it’s a very bad idea to hang with the narcs of the world. Gods warning it right and true!

Exactly. 🙏🏽

Wow ! Thank you

This is what I wrote to the ex Narc before I left and said. I'm done. Never looked back.

TRUTH 😻

WOW!! So True!

Love it 😻

Julia Rath love this

I think you created it! 😘

I know! ♥️

YES...EVERY LAST WORD!!

Sooooooo true!💕💕💕💕

Listened to it three times in a row. Making sure it instills in me....and the law of hearing things differently as you learn. One of her great lessons on the subject and much needed in the community. I’ll be listening to this many times as I rebuild my depleted self and look forward to being who I was and who I get to still become from the learned lessons. So glad she has this passion to help others come alive again.

It is so well worth it. Hang in there!

Well done for recognising it. A real narc would never admit to their own toxic behaviour.

The fact that you still have this ability to be self-reflective, though, shows that there's tons of light at the end of the tunnel! 🌞🙌

Anything you *practice*, good/bad/useful/useless, becomes a part of you.

Remember who you were. Be the person you needed when you were at your lowest.

" you deserve all the love in the world". Yes, Dr.Ramani, it is so true.

💯 % Agree with you❣️

AMEN AND AMEN!!!

It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. - Proverbs 21:19

Perhaps another run through of the video would be helpful.

@N D Spent my life being laughed at by an N. If you had to laugh at someone in public instead of trying to find out why they said what they said, you aren't someone who could possibly upset me.

Well said

That's what I try to avoid - I look at the traits of narcs in my life and try as much as possible not to do those things -

But sometimes you may thing like you have to get them treated for what they did to you and I believed that doing so is a necessary thing to win back my confidence, may be that is a shadow sides of me, but I did it. I was so confused whether I become a Narcissist after doing that but I have seen a video on Super Empath and their supernova behavior when they feel like they have been treated poorly and now I am very much clear because in that video, it is clearly stated that the Supernova behavior is only a backlash and empath doesn't apply it on every other person, yeah, in my case, it is true, I haven't been that rude with any others except these two particular narcissist I have has a relationship with, one was a professional relationship and the other a personal relationship, both from a work place and at the same period of time and trust me, it was so painful but still my enthusiasm and optimistic mindset helped me in that journey and I am gradually coming out of my trauma after almost loosing all my confidence. Thank You

❤️❤️❤️

Oh that's a bookfull of knowledge you've written there, I so hope to use that if asked why I'm no contact with so many, "I don't like the person I've become in needed to become in dealing/wanting to survive being with any of them!" Imagine needing to go no contact via the experts advices in order to salvage what's left of your sabotaged marbles!

@B. Allen true. Truth!

So well-said and so true of my own experience. I think you’re right!

I’m so glad you got out. I did too-coincidentally, it was just about exactly 8 years ago, too... 2012 was a year from hell, but thank goodness it happened. At this point, going through a terrible divorce is SOOO obviously WORTH IT to me-if only to be FREE of HIM (the NP)!!! Because of a complicated situation with visitation orders, we have not been free of him or his abuse until recently. We were forced to have contact. It ALMOST destroyed us, but we survived-thank God. We are immensely grateful just to be safe, free from him, free to heal, free to live our lives without his sneaky abuse and harassment.

same here,I am scared that I am doing the same with my current partner,because it was done to me...

I've dealt with people who would latch onto social and environmental causes to prop themselves up, but then they would be rageful and belittling once they didn't get their way.

Yep, they will do that...and they're also REALLY good at masking themselves when others are around. My now-ex would be the perfect helper when others were around...only to then lash out at me as soon as they were gone for whatever reason she could come up with. Anything to avoid the deserved consequences of her actions, anything to avoid responsibility.

God made you a beautiful person. Don't let toxic people lie to you and tell you who you are not.

That comment is a message that touched my heart, thank you

Wow that’s deep.. I too understand what it’s like to act out of character as a defense mechanism.

I can totally relate. It's so weird to not be on edge all the time. I am still so jumpy.

I can understand that, and I also happened to be the scapegoat too!

Milk Cookies - I know exactly what you mean. You know the tactics very well because they taught you so well. In my case I felt I had to adopt some of it for survival. But the older I got the more repugnant it was to me. With friends, I know drop them as soon as I realize the games they play. And lately, I’m able to identify them almost immediately. That’s how unwilling I am to play the self-defense games you have to play with narcissists.

Yep, same here.

Milk Cookies same

I can totally relate to what you say!

Doesn't feel good does it, what surprised me was how little an amount of time that took to sink in, resonate it's horror with me\how long it took to shake off that very unfamiliar yucky feeling... 😩

Same here. I don’t know, you think we should start calling her Mama Ramani? Jk lol 😆

@@elizadarcy8641 lol Yaasss Mama Ramani 😍🥰🥰😅

Same here. That's embarassing...😔

Same! I love this woman

She's old enough to be my mom, so I could as well call her that 😜 I'm not young myself I'm 31 🤗

❤

Hi. I was in the same situation with my family. And I thought it was hopeless. Please believe me when I tell you that things settle down with time. Don't give up looking for help, a discussion with someone might help you more than you imagine. Don't forget to do the inner work. Either with the help of a specialist, friend or on your own to navigate these problems. I succeeded on my own fortunately, I moved on my own and I am much happier, after 6 months you start to recover to who you really are, with good and bad, you begin to explore yourself emotionally, to re-educate and educate yourself. You just have to have the courage to face these problems even if you find it impossible now.

You can always leave friend, do the trap yourself in false self talk

If u worry and realize you need to work on yourself - you are NOT a narc. 🌺They think they're perfect as they are. 👍😇

By watching more of her videos, reaching out to others online, you are getting help. Please don't give up. You're stronger than you may think.

Yep!

I've had to become numb to him and our three youngest children. My 16 yr old daughter has turned into him. It scares me. I thought I was going to try and help him thru this "rough patch". Especially for my children. Cause he doesn't work I have been the main bread winner for the 18 yrs we've been together. And his family has turned their back on him. I know he has no place to go. I also am scared of his reaction if I kick him out of the house. But now I have a teen that doesn't think I deserve respect.... And yesterday my son basically used his dad to threaten me when I asked him to do his homework. What do I do??

This!

I became addicted to weed for a year because of my relationship with my old man. I enjoyed getting rid of my insomnia sooooo much I started using it to "fix" my other problems too. I came to the point where I had to take a hit whenever the most minor inconvenience came my way. The last straw on my addiction was when I snapped on my mom for no reason. I've since only used on once a blue moon. My next trip is going to be at a concert in October but nothing in the meantime as I now have control over my life. Now working on leaving home.

@@missymadd08 I say try to seek professional help that actually understands mental disorders and narcissistic personality disorder. Sadly, not every theraptist understand this type of behavior and think your trying to play doctor using this label. Safely, try to move him or you and your children from the household. There are tips online to help you do so. Because personally you don't him anything imo. Again becareful doing so because never take lightly how dangerous he can become. I'm sorry your going through this and best of luck to you.

I've learned to forgive my self a little for that, but that big regret will always be there.

I can relate to those feelings.

It would help them a lot if you explain this to them and APOLOGIZE to them for the pain they have endured! My mother did and it helped, not much but it helped!!!

Going through those same feelings now.

@@Myinspiration2009 I have several times. Hopefully it helps devolve harboring resentment issues.

I would say you have that about right!

My life

on point!

OMG! I so hear this. Me, nearly 50, realizing this post describes what I’ve been doing my whole life to make my mother feel good about herself. Unfortunately, it took my niece, going through a worse narc experience than I ever went through (my mother raises my niece and nephew (who is GC)) to see my mother for what she is. Summer 2021 I got introduced to Dr. Ramani’s vids and am realizing through her work (thank you!) that not only was I raised by a narc and that possibly my father is a narc but also have a narc brother and neighbor that is close to the family. Am also doing some soul searching to figure out if I’m a narcissist. I don’t ever want to cause the same kind of harm to others that my family has caused to each other.

@@In.the.darkness_there_is_light Lovely reply. Stay strong and focused. The better self in you is aching to be free.

I hope you are doing better. 2 hours of anxiety seems like a vacation currently to me. Stay strong. From what I've seen, there is a whole community behind you. Things will get better for you, and they will always suck. Passive vengeance at it's best 😉

Word!

Oh my god me too!!! I just started watching Dr Ramani again after trying a break from the topic of narcissism, which was because I started fearing repetition compulsion and worrying that I was obsessing over my abuser because I was seeking information to understand narcissism, so I could understand what is up with their behavior, so I could know how to respond to them and have a more stable view of them as the abuser they are - not sure if the break was more helpful or harmful, but from hindsight I understand that in this case I wasn't approaching it from an angle that was hurting me in a dysfunctional way. However, that honestly could turn out to be incorrect, since my red flag goggles are still being tuned and improved, but anyways fajsoigawngoijfaowiegja After this long break, I watched a Medcircle video with Dr Ramani speaking on signs of cPTSD, and then a video from her channel, and both times I had that same feeling of relief and calm composure after like, on and off panicky/repetitive worrying thoughts doing a tour de france in my head today. So grateful for these great videos and information Dr Ramani puts out for us all

Same here

love it!

How wonderful!

@@lynnscott4882 Thanks Lynn

so funny! :)

Hahaha...always said I lost 180 lbs when I got divorced.

I've closed off too. But thats ok, this isn't the end of the story! I just ordered a semicolon (;) ring its for suicide prevention but its also to remind me that (; my story isn't finished!)

Growing up, I found myself picking up traits from my mother but thankfully Self awareness and self reflection allowed me to see what was happening and it's not set in stone. I can delete her beliefs and upload my own healthy beliefs. I have a positive new outlook and perspective moving forward. Second hand Narcissistic behaviour can be picked up but it can be dropped too 😅

@SoCal Gal wishing you the best. Soul searching, meditation, staying positive are just a few of the things that I do and i feel amazing! We have been separated and divorcing and he still lives in our house. I assume he will not go anywhere before the divorce is final because he would lose control. Sending love and light and blessings of abundance 🙏❤️

@casper Insight sending love, light and lots of blessings for abundance, good health and prosperity. Stay on your path!🙏❤️

Thirty years and counting here.. I totally understand what you are saying here. I am currently trying to get to know myself better.. I am kinda cool ;)

“Who can only have a relationship with himself via you” - good description!

They're far flung weird and your words describe them to a tee!

I agree. She puts perspective and theological research, thankfully, into understandable words to help us apply what we hear and not just hear it.

Wow.So good to hear that.Please share how did you achieve that.What were you doing to find yourself again? And congrats

❤️

Beautiful

❤️

❤️

…Then you gaslight yourself and think that’s probably the thought process a narcissist WOULD say and then the cycle starts to continuing all over again… unless you find this video and remember it for the next few days. That’s the horror of psychological narcissistic damage. It’s a process

I am so freaked out that I may be one too. I'm hoping that it is just because I overthink and am almost obsessed with self analysis. Im constantly pondering my habits and behaviors. That being said, I do see some traits in myself. For instance I like pretty things and pretty ppl. I always thought it cuz I am an artist. I'm also a recovering addict and I'm reading so much about the overlaps and similarities. I can be very charismatic and often flirtatious. I am pretty humble tho. I've got alot of other characteristics that would point to empath. Or am I just a narcissist who thinks I'm an empath. Jesus help me. Well I guess if I do have traits hopefully I can put them in check. The more I learn the more I'm confused. Am I blaming myself and taking on the stuff they should have owned or am I a fucking narcissist too. Jesus help me😬😬😬😭😭😭

I also like words of affirmation. But I am ok with out it. I do want it in a relationship Again I thought this was just my love language. Omg am I a psycho 😅😭

Amen ❤❤❤❤

@Missy Martin glad I'm not the only one struggling with this same thought pattern. I definitely get narcissistic episodes but I also hate those traits when I catch them and work aggressively to suppress them after a period of heavy shame and self-reflection. Others have told me before that I am very patient and possibly have aspergers from struggling with creating friendships. But I also know that I have these bad narcisstic episodes as well.

I feel your pain...i literally feel your pain.

@@monicasoyombo3360 🌹

I feel this 😩

I feel empty, numb, worthless and tbh I feel like a victim. I went through 21 years of atrocious narcissistic abuse from my ex and now I feel like a negative, empty, and depressed person.

I'm right there with you. I'm 49 years old, and aside from my N mother, I have only had one brief relationship in my life. I consider myself so incapable of being in a healthy relationship, and so un-lovable or even likeable, hat attempting to form friendships is the scariest thing in the world to me.

Same, although I feel mirroring them back did me more damage then it was worth. I hate how being with them gets you out of character and acting like them as a defense mechanism. I could only play dead for so long

Wow, that’s me. Sadly after 32 yrs I’m still married to the man. 😖

Ya mine got real sensitive when I started talking to him the way he talked to me (not even a fraction as bad tho) that's how selfish they are they dont even see what they do even when you flip it and do it right back no winning

Same same. It's poisonous.. That's exactly how I view it too

Why try to break someone who is already broken?

For real😣😣😣I always felt like I was the problem

Omg YES

This is me cuz I dealt with it so long them gt rite Into another relationship and I'd start lashing out had codependency as well over emotional reactions so scared my partner was gonna leave me I had self guilt and a therapist thought I'd had borderline personality smfh also I wud put partner on a pedestal soooo high up and this is what happens ur blind to gaslighting as well

Yes...very difficult to even want to be around people...so afraid of daying/doing the "wrong" thing.

🤭 so true. Socially distanced for Coronavirus and Narcissists.

Congratulations! I had narcissistic parents and after a few short years of "adulting" ended up marrying another. Thirty years now. Still working on the physical escape, but my head space is far more free now.

But then again people can only live alone for so long ..

@ Veronique, it is exhausting! They literally suck the life out of you! But I guarantee you, after some time alone to be good to yourself and heal a little and know the signs to watch out for, you will find people who will treasure your heart. Take time for yourself and be your own best friend, you’re on the right path ♥️

You can give up,but that would make them happy,you need to do what makes you happy, one day once you break the chains,you need to be yourself like you once was, until then good luck and God bless you.

Omg me too! My whole family, my friends, my ex husband. I raised my kids to be sweet and altruistic so now I cut everyone out except my wonderful children. They are 15 and 16 and they are delightful to be with.

Lexiemae P yes, my kids and grandkids♥️♥️ my touchstones, and they will treasure your heart🥰

Did you notice that you're actually more lonely WITH them than if you were just single. The most basic rule of a relationship friendship I've worked out lol, is that the person ADDs to your life somehow, not simply take... and arguments have to be carried out with the purpose of a resolution or at least acceptance, not for their own sadistic pleasure.. if that was the case for you. Also, it's excruciating as a friend if your friends going out with a character like this.. these relationships affect your other relationships too.. not just through the abuser but through your suffering, whether you open up about it or not really.

@@cass8330 because he's a covert, we had several years of friendship before his abuse turned overt... but yes, after his abuse turned overt, I felt sooo alone WITH him.

Same

I am so sorry you experienced that. I understand and really feel for how terrible it feels to be hopeless, angry, and having no clue what the words "be your authentic self" meant. If you are out, I hope it has gone better for you.

Same here....its horrendous......love to u xxxx

Same. it's the worst feeling ever. but the upside is that now you've get to meet your real self and became friends:)

Eva R. .... very true, thanks!

My mom and dad were married on June 10, 1956. My mom, a true narcissist, has whittled my dad down to a nub. He’s sick now and unfortunately won’t experience the joy you are now. My only fear as a son is she will live to 100. See the damage this behavior can cause, an only son hoping for silence.

Sounds more like BPD I think

I wish I didn't have to say this but this happened to me right now. I've grown up with an abusive narcissistic grandmother and overall neglecting family. My father is a narc. I learned and picked many narc traits fo survival wth her and believing it'd be for survival in the world too. I had these thoughts and traits until my boyfriend broke up with me after an argument. I was not compromising either, i am learning now how to deal with my emotions and yes I realized I take a lot a victim mentality in everything and it's so hard for me to admit that i am wrong in arguments, i guess I've taken all my anger and pain out on my partners. I left in a very cruel way my first boyfriend who did loved me and didn't deserve my words. I just learned my lesson now that this ex boyfriend told me the exact same words and left me the exact same way I did with my ex. I was very young and didn't realize that my words cut like knives, but that doesn't justify the fact that i knew it was cruel and that i enjoyed it for some reason. I am working so hard to remove those traits, i can see now that i felt powerful in a relationship so I was cruel and took my pain and narc traits with them because i felt powerless in everything else around me and had a big ego but no self esteem. I don't want to fall into their same steps. I don't want to be cruel.

This is both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time. I knew a woman in this situation, but she wasn’t so fortunate as to break the cycle. I’m so happy you were able to do so!

Ditto ❤️ I owe my happiness to this amazing man who helped me discover myself

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

I wonder why my mum stayed with my Dad for 52 years, she was scared stiff of him. She even started criticising him. When I was 12 I think he sexually assaulted her in the bedroom (I wont say what it wasn't rape) as she was in the bathroom gagging, sorry to be graphic, he came into our bedroom (my 2 sisters and me) smoking like a chimney saying he had done something really stupid. The next day, she had bruises on her arms.

Mos def I hated myself and who I became with him because had I not met him I never woulda became a person I know longer know which is y I’m homesick for myself

I can relate. Since I have distanced from them I've been so much happier, calm,..alive.

Yes, it’s like you get your glow back! ☀️✨☀️✨

Youre so strong and self aware to have survived all that Hell. Im so happy and proud of you for finding your way to this channel. You're tired but youre still learning and growing. You're healing. I hope today is a good day for you and that tomorrow is a little better too. Hang in there, find your boundaries again and tend to them like a garden. You'll be ok.

@lilly I resonate with what you’ve said. I am changed. But oh so grateful to have found @drramini videos recently. Everything finally makes sense. We’re not crazy after all!

Lol! A hole ocean.... yep, that should do the trick. ;)

@@dorotheemackenbach4808 hahah I bought a floating home and a sailboat.....maybe it was a subconscious defence mechanism from how I was treated. I now have an ocean as a mote and no one can come aboard without a boat.

@@vlogcity1111 nice boundaries!

I have only the Alps,should be an ocean:(

I think this is where I am at. Have become the exact thing I despise. I have to much disdain and rage against my mother for being so emotionally manipulative and neglectful and hate that side of me. I hate rage and anger, I never feel good but it's been stored inside because I never got taught how to release it in healthy ways, and because of that my empathy is hard to find cuz I'm so mad at the world. It affects my self worth and self love too.

Same. I've caught some of them as well and which I definitely want to work on

One day when I was already years alone with the kids, I found my self in a stressful moment and yelled something to the kids. I was in shock! I was hearing my martyred mother and remembered me thinking "I will never say that to my kids later in life." So a minute later I s yelled again; "kids, forget what I just yelled out. It is not truth and it is appalling. I'm sorry."

hahaha THIS!

Better get your head straight, your narc's gonna worsen with age, I agree that the arguing just isn't worth it... Mine pretends to hear what I've said or just say yes when the answer is obviously no, goes about his day as quickly and with me shrugged off as much as possible which, of course, he lives to regret, gets blown up in his face, but get yourself strong, keep watching, your narc's way of life is absurd, don't go along for the ride, you might need them but you need yourself more, now I tell mine to keep his insanity to himself (sometimes publicly/rats ass/he's warranted it), they're immature, a person can only take so much! Strength on, don't let your spouse drag you down, it will affect your health!

@@joseenoel8093 your so right Josee. As she gets older it has gotten worse to the point that I only talk to her when I have to. There is no love and affection. And damn it sucks to not have sex!lol My choice not hers. She used it against me. And I have 4 more years to pay on this house.If I left she couldn't pay and I refuse to let my investment go back to the bank. Most women think that you just want to cheat on the woman your with when all you really want is some affection. Sucks to be stuck in their web. It's like being in limbo.Its at the point that I don't want to do anything or go anywhere with her. I'm sorry your going through the same things. Makes me wish I could find someone going through the same things that understands the situation and wants to sooth our agony.

Kenneth, Great observations. I like your take on this.

35 years here and I can relate so much to your story. I would go along with everything to not cause rage or worse. I would intervene so the rage wouldn’t go onto the kids. Any time I would disagree it would cause so much drama. I’m so isolated now. It’s sad. I see myself when I’m with others which is rare and it’s like I’m a different person. I’ve taken on so many of his traits that Ive been thinking I’m the narcissist. It’s so hard. I now have to change these behaviors as well as working on my codependency. Good luck and I wish you well.

@@tinamarie3240 absolutely Tina. Other than work I spend more time in my bedroom than anywhere else. You don't even try to make new friends out of embarrassment. If you get too close to anyone else. Especially someone of the opposite sex they make sure they ruin that friendship. By accusing you or them of wanting each other out of jealousy. So you don't even try . And you realize you don't want to expose nice people to their evil. Im an atheist but it is still evil none the less. And you feel like they are steeling your life away from you when you could be with someone so much nicer. I wish yo well!

Hoping my empath powers are way more powerful, and will shine brighter, wiping out the corruption. Thanks so much for this video.

How inspiring! You put that beautifully.

Ooze the empath out that you are 💎

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

@@tuttleglum4121 : My guess is, this isn’t the only time he treated you like your life didn’t matter. I’m hoping you sit down and make a list of all the times you sought care alone because he couldn’t be bothered. Watch that list grow! Mine grew and grew! By the time I was done I started to identify the abuse. Then make a list of all the times you had to buck up and take maltreatment. Like the times his family treated you badly and when you asked him for support, he told you you should be able to tolerate anything for a few days. ( I think I’m In coaching mode now... ). Then try this experiment... go to him and ( don’t point fingers.. good communication isn’t that he’s a dope - even if he is, good communication is - I Feel... WHEN, “ I feel sad or disrespected when you track mud across the floor I just mopped”. Then step back and watch. I’m laying odds his next comment will be, “ yeah, well what about when you leave dishes in the sink?” ( or whatever). It will never be, “oh man, I’m so sorry, I was distracted, let me clean that up.” This is called gaslighting. Whenever he spins it back on you. Start making a list. Once you go back and read your own log of events, you’ll be embarrassed you took so much crap in the name of a happy marriage. Are you happy? You are the only one that counts.

@@tuttleglum4121 : I get it! Been there, done that. The more you learn the easier it is to see. You’ll finally get to understand the disease so well you’ll know what’s going to happen before it does. ( They are that predictable.) That’s when freedom enters your soul. You cannot fix him or change him. You are great! You are enough! His problems are not your fault!

Yes people often think they know all about narcism, good and optimistic of their part... Those of us who actually 'do' know it, were thrown in the demons' paths, were gasping for oxygen like fish 🐟 in an oxygen poor fish tank are still learning, can't get enough knowledge about it, I think that's us!

Josee Noel yes. I knew about the overt malignant narcissist, but not the overt narcissist. That is the problem. I couldn’t figure out why I have been feeling like I’m losing my mind, am a shell of my former self, and why just recently it’s been so difficult to muster empathy towards this person when I’ve always been very empathetic. I feel sick realizing all of this, and yet I still find myself rationalizing for this person and thinking maybe it is actually me and just “paranoia.” I mean, “how could I doubt this person who has never given me a reason to. I should know better. Where is this coming from? Don’t you know I would do anything for you?” Continues to list examples A, B, & C. I’m sure similar things each of you have heard.

Love and strength to u xxxx

Good work doing the right thing.

It was probably her treating him that way and she was projecting lol

Now instead of being ashamed of his sensitivity he's starting to embrace it like a super power.

I am worried about my daughter though, she's the golden child, her twin brother is the scapegoat. My daughter uses gaslighting regularly, which is so triggering for me. She used to be so empathetic, now it doesn't show very often. How do I get her empathy back up?

Jukie Puffs, I would be careful not to internalize what they say. It's been my experience that selfish narcissists will call YOU selfish if they think you are trusting of things they say. If you begin to believe them, they can get more out of you by playing on your guilty feelings, know what I mean? They may not think you're selfish at all.....it's just a tool to get more compliance from you. It's good that you notice how your non toxic friends don't use that on you. I think you can trust yourself first.

The toxic people do a lot of projecting. They accuse you of their wrong doings and bad traits.

She did a video on not to take they're comments and behavior personally, it might help. I realized what he called me was something he does to everybody who doesn't please him. I just honestly thought I was the exception bc he knew how badly it would hurt me to hear that directed at me. That was the point, to hurt me bc I hurt his feelings by a general comment. Please don't take it personally! I was called selfish as well and I'm far from it. It's a way to get you to doubt yourself bc he has to break you to control you more when your self-worth is fractured. My narc would hurt me, then be my hero, yet never apologizing or taking responsibility. It was a set up to be dependent on him.

My narc had me convinced that the abuse she put me through was my fault. Anytime I threatened to leave: "That's so abusive! I'm just going to go back to who I was before I met you to never have to feel this pain again!". Anytime I called her out on her coldness: "You hate me! How am I supposed to get better when you don't even love me!". Anytime I brought up her infidelity in any kind of way: "You are so cold and unforgiving!". Anytime I discussed her behavior with my own support group: "You are a liar and a manipulator!". She tried to kill me 3 times and was consistently physically abusive. She was caught sending nudes to random men she met playing video games online (we were married!). The emotions they feel of betrayal are real. They believe their own lies (most of the time) so they do a good job of convincing people who don't lack emotional empathy that they are the ones at fault because we can FEEL their pain. Just because they are in pain doesn't mean their side of the story holds any real validity.

Same here! I would never had fights with other people like with them, other people would not mock me like them and also no one ever told me I'm a selfish person, quite the contrary. They made me doubt who I am.

Hi hon, since mother's day aye? Did you spend time or somehow connect with your mom on mother's day? They get worse with time, it always gave me joy to spend time/give a gift to covert mom but the last yrs my contact was a way of her torturing me, no contact... That bi*ch wouldn't even have the good grace to give me the pleasure of honouring her a tad on mother's day! My mother's day consist of home delivered stuff! Blessings!

@@joseenoel8093 Mothers day it was clean to me I had become the golden child/handmaid instead of the forgotten child and it was just over the top crazy! I just wasn't buying it. it so sad. than the drama come when my sister arrived (she is amazing at boundaries) and my mum through a tantrum...like a kid. I'm sorry to hear you have also gone non contact. I going to go away for mothers days next. Home deliver is a great idea

Yes!

Yes, please!!!

My kids are older, the youngest turning 18 in just a few days, and grateful for not having to battle their dad for custody. My youngest and middle child in therapy. They need to talk to someone else about their problems. I provide love and safety but cannot be bad mouthing their dad. Good luck!

Anca Marr I agree I definitely am not bad mouthing their dad. Mine are 11 and 6. It’s my 11 year old I am concerned about. I am definitely going to look into therapy for us both. Thank you

Your kids are smart, it's the next generation, already you've shown them such a good example. I encourage my niece and others to become narc-wise, they all say 'get a hobby', I say "I've always time for you lot and this is what needs to be done when you have to help her your narcissistic parent committed'! Naturally they take me for granted, I don't mind, lucky are those who refuse to run at today's set pace, that would be me!

Yes please. I have a 9yo daughter and I suspect my boyfriend is a narc. And I really would like to know more about how to help her.

You can pour your real self into your art it is free of the narcissists critical contamination of your sense of yourself.

This, unfortunately, is not realistic and is akin to people saying a depressed artist can pour himself into painting. Depression is debilitating by definition, and so is this situation. It alters the way you function or whether you can function at all.

I like your term "linear vampirism" :)