Hi Clay! Thanks for posting this up! When you were discussing the riding the dragon and crisis point, my mouth literally formed the letter "O", as I now understood why my ex was so hot and cold about 2 months ago, and recently we're most probably in the crisis point. How i came to the realization that we were at the crisis point was, about a few days ago, there had been instances where I would bring up the topic of being back together. He still had the resistances. Giving a lot of reasons saying: I'm not the man for you coz i'm not good enough for you. We're living different worlds, yours is fast paced, I'm slow paced. We have different lifestyles. We have different circle of friends (Coz I'm outgoing, and he isn't). We'll just clash if we get back together again. You can date other men, I don't want to get your hopes up. I want you to be happy, in which on the latter 2 things, I said to him that, I wanted him, not anybody else. It even came to the point that he said that 'i'm letting you go". But after a few hours, he reached out, and we kept talking again. We've been talking about 10 months now after we broke up almost a year ago. Our progression I can say is really slow. Probably because, he still wants to take his time since he is slow paced in things because he wants to be sure of himself. When we started talking about a 1 month and a few weeks of no contact after we broke up, i thought, we were just re-establishing the friendship that we lost before we were a couple. Well, things lead to another, the spark and emotional connection was still there, and it just got more intense as time passed by. I really agree with you Clay that you just have to enjoy each other's company, and maintain the emotional connection, rather than the outcome. More importantly while I'm on this journey, I'm working on myself to be a better version of myself. :) Because if all else fails, and he doesn't realize how great it would be on getting back together, at least it won't sting too much, and I can move forward with things with my chin up high.. out of his life.

man as a kid i thought love was so easy, "its just a feeling." When i got older i realized that , that one feeling is actually every feeling , multiplied by 2 and ur on a one way street going the wrong way.

Stage One: 05:00 The "Wall of Reactance" - Give them time. Don't start surface-level conversation. Make sure it's connecting and engaging. Stage Two: 09:00 The "Test Drive" - Focus on the connection, not getting back into a relationship. Don't let them think you have a hidden agenda Stage Three: 13:00 "Riding The Dragon" - DO NOT GET PULLED INTO THEIR EMOTIONAL CONFUSSION. Understand they are confused, stay focused on what you want, keep building the connection, keep beating down the reactance, and build up the positive emotions towards your ex. Stage Four: 16:37 The "Crisis Point" - Very little resistance left. They can't deny it. They don't feel emotionally ready. External factors could be affecting their judgment. They want to make sure they're making the right choice. They want you to make the choice for them. STAY FOCUSED! ONLY at THIS POINT, tell them that you want to be with them. ONLY AT THISSSSSSS POINT!!!!!! It will force them to confront what they actually want, which is to continue to build the strong connection between you and so they know that it will not be a mistake. Stage Five: 21:30 "New Beginnings" - May have concerns; "What's going to be different?" Now you can directly talk about how you can make it work for the long term and make it successful. Make them feel comfortable and excited about being back together with you! :) Remember: have QUALITY EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS WITH THEM. EMOTIONAL CONNECTION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!! PERIOD! You're Welcome ;)

I think my ex is at 200% reactance

My ex and I officially got back together last night (Valentine's Day)😆 After 5 months post-breakup. We were together for 3 years. I focused on working on myself since he left. I guess he went through this entire spectrum of emotion before finally confessing his feelings days ago. Thank goodness, I dodged that reactance phase because I didn't fight the breakup and watched KZfaq videos instead of contacting him 😂

it’s creepy and so interesting how ACCURATE this is

I'm literally going through this right now. Where's that roll your eyes emote. Very draining. Thank you for this much much appreciated. God bless 🙏 .

Love your sense of humour and find your videos incredibly helpful, thank you!

Wow now that's what I call a volume! Nice 👌👍😊 and loud and lovely!

Hey Clay I absolutely LOVE your channel! I'm at Stage 2 at the moment I was at Stage 1 through August now I'm at Stage 2... slowly trying to get to Stage 3...

Your videos are the way advice should be given. There is an intelligent rational, and it really helps in understanding how to approach these types of situations we go through. Thanks!

I believe my ex and I are at the crisis stage.. I pray everything goes well. ♥️

It feels like my ex is wobbling back and forth between stages “riding the dragon” and “crisis point”. She has said: she isn’t ready, I should see other girls, it’s too soon, she doesn’t want to lead me on, maybe we should be friends, I can’t lose you, she hopes the breakup wasn’t a mistake.

Omg lurking through your channel makes me realize that we were on crisis point then I went away for awhile 🤧🤧

Clay; you seriously know your stuff I had no idea I was in the right track of possibly getting my ex back just yesterday no lie I realized that we were at the “ crisis stage” and I was very direct with not wanting anyone but her because she’s is absolutely the love of my life and there is no one else when you know you know. And she was honestly receptive of hearing what I had to say usually she turns very cold when I express my love and deep conversations with her but she actually engaged in the conversation yesterday we have been broke up 8 months we were together for 4 yrs she was my fiancé and still is the love of my life our relationship ended due to a lack of communication and I honestly feels like she’s battling being with me for the sake of what ppl would have to say but I could careless... now to establish step 5

I'm at exes house now.

Thank you! This Is the best video I have seen in these 1.5 Months since my breakup!! 🙌🏼

My ex is in the 20-40 stage right now. She is/was seeing someone else but has told me that he is boring and that she misses the times we had together. She has been reminiscing about us a lot lately. This video is helping me, thanks!

Very well explained

Clay, your info is excellent

You are a genius! Your information is so accurate! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾

Excellent video thank u very much. I saw my situation. In the crisis point i decided to not talk with him anymore. He hurt me very badly. I think that he wants me but a the same time he permits that other person influence in his decision.

Clay, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we went through a bad break up over communication. We tried to stay friends and roommates for 3 months, I wish I saw this video during this stage. Because I think I was over barring and made his level go from 30 percent to 85 90 percent. On Christmas I found out he gifted another girl a necklace and walked out. When he returned home and when we hung out when he was drunk he was saying maybe I should date or see others. He seems to be stretching his way of seeing me. I tend to get emotional and he says I’m crazy . After watching your video I’m trying to give him more space and text him differently. I am still getting one word responses. I hope to try and get back on track, I truly love him . He did go with me to take my car to the shop so he shows very little that he cares. I just want to move forward and try to do the right things to at least save our friendship and would love to get him back but positive on both ends.

Wow. This is spot on. Thank you for your guidance.☺️

she already has 2 guys she playing with ..why would she ever want to come back. but she did tell my friend i hope one day when i am ready to talk to her as friend . and that she will never go back to our relationship. she wants me to be n hr life as friends . she made it clear . she is younger than me. she hit a stage in her life where she needed to explore . i had to let her go . and yes i am suffering

We broke up 9 months back. We had been through a lot of ups and downs ever since. I was tired of his hot and cold behavior. Now recently he told me that he can only be friends with me and that he is frustrated that I still like him and that he is not interested in me and that he has moved on and wish I move on too. But he has agreed to be friends with me and wrote to me “always only” friends. I think I have lost him and hurting so bad.

we’re at stage 3 -> 4

Clay Andrews thank you so much for this vid and the one about compatibility I feel like you saved my life

I needed to see this, wish I had seen it sooner,

Hi Clay i was with my ex for 18 years we broke up 3 years ago, however we were still sleeping together i was sure we’d work things out a lot has happened,he moved on pretty quick and i only found out in August while were going in our first family holiday he was still seeing her however his relationship with her has been on and off,it only been over the last few month’s we’ve been getting on so well being able to communicate being open and honest with each other,he has said she help him when he was i a very dark place,i asked did he love her he said the only people that he loves are his kids and parents,i asked if you dont love her why did you get back with her,he replied because im lost,i know their relationship is rocky because she says your willing to drop everything for her(me)he hasn’t blended eith her family(kids)because he has said im not gonna play happy family’s with someone else’s kids when i cant do it with my own???she wanted to meet his parents he said no because they still think me and him are together(their old and not in the best health)and he told her they would never accept her because of me she has also asked for him to bring our kid’s to her house and he said no because i dont want them near her(which is true)she said they are your kids too and he replied im not gonna upset Paula…she wasnt happy 😬😬i asked him why does he do that and he said i don’t want to upset you and i just cant say no to you🤔🤔i said should we try and work things out(i really want to i love him so much)he said im not ready to try…i mad him feel unwanted or need in our relationship (putting my family before him trying to buy their love when they couldn’t give a shit about me….iv been working on myself for awhile now he has noticed big time…. I have mentioned about me going on dates and he said would i have to know about it,i said why,he saud because id be jealous. Please im desperate i have no idea what to do its really taking a toll on me…when we’re together its like we never broke up Please advise me Much love Paula x

I hope you respond to my comment. I know this video was posted awhile ago. I am in the second stage. I ended our last conversation saying I had plans and it was nice talking to him because he was giving me short answers. Should I wait for him to reach out ? I dont want to annoy him

thank you so much man

this cleared my head thank you

Hi Clay, what do you do if after a 6 month relationship you did 2 weeks NC, were in the riding the dragon stage after breakup, sent the letter (really regret it now) and now are in the wall of reactance and he wont respond to my messages. any help would be great. Thanks :)

This guy knows his shit !!!! very very realistic !!! Thanks alot for awesome video !!!

We are talking and it ebbs and flows... It so hard the instabilitie is maddening and triggering for bad communication cycles.

Great ideas... I can't even get up to bat...

THIS is great!

You are by far the best "break up" youtuber out there. I'm in a complex situation. We had a great relationship but broke up because of some things. Those have been forgiven. A week ago she told me she was living with her new bf. Since then they have broken up (yes in the last week) and we have maintained contact. She moved out 2 days ago and we have been texting lightly. It goes warm to cold, she will be in pleasant text convo but if I mention something a little too emotionally connected (like why I asked what colors she likes best on me) she will pull back and reply with a thumbs up emoji. Though prior there was talking about how she is doing in her transition through the current breakup. Hearing someone talk about the genuine confusing I know she is feeling (she has said part of her wants to say we can try again, she will always have admiration for me, I'm not the only one who feels we still have a connecting). Thank for being logical and helping me to know I need to allow her emotions to unfold.

Very good video. THANKS

Clay, ur description or my ex's behaviour is spot on (mixed messages, changing mind, etc) Glad you reminded me not to get pulled into that. ! I am riding dragon at the mo and would say 55% reactance. :-)BTW you are v different kind of rel'ship advisor on youtube - genuine, sympatique, pleasant delivery, not like one of those wanna be cool guys !

My spouse left a year ago. After 3 months she came back then left again.... then came back and pushed me away again a month ago. It was super hot, she stayed at my place a night every week and then with no warning, pushed me away again. The past month we don't talk much during the week. She won't respond but we went out every weekend and she spent the night weekend before last but now she seems more distant and cold than ever... It seems like she goes from stage 2 to stage 3 and then back to 2.... wtf???

How long should I give him before messaging him if he is at stage one? And also what do I do when we don’t have mutual friends nor work together nor live close... we can not just randomly/accidentally bump into each other either...

Connection before relationship

How consistently should you message your ex at the riding the dragon stage? She now sees me as a friend again, but she had to tell her boss, who is a close friend of hers, that we're not back together. He saw me at her grandmother's funeral, so because of their close relationship I think he's concerned for her and I get the sense he is talking to her about the reasons not to get back together, making her confused now that we're both talking again.

Damn right I want her back

Hi Clay, if we are at 100% would it be wise to give her a few weeks space before trying to reach out? We spoke last week and she said she is happier without me, doesn't miss me and wants me to stop contacting her. I haven't spoke to her since

Wow this is so what I’m going through,me and my ex split because of an argument she says she still has strong feelings for me and she wants to txt and call and she wants to spend time hanging out,but she’s adamant we’re not getting back together because we’ve had to many arguments in the past,hope she changes her mind

So on the 28th of August I decided to go get a tattoo and piercing at some tattoo artist’s guys house for the first time, this is when my boyfriend had broken up with me (not on the 28th but before the 25th his birthday) and was supposed to be spending the night with him on the 29th and that didn’t happen cause he overreacted about me getting a tattoo at some random guy’s house and he said that he was going to give me another chance but I didn’t know until I had gotten the tattoo...I don’t know what to do, I want us to get back together again and I’ve messed up. Can someone please help me fix this?

What if we started having small text conversations again (after active and practical no contact). The first time he was at work and was answering after about an hour everytime it was a nice short conversation. The second time he answered quite quickly but after sending me about 4 messages he broke of the conversation by saying Sure 👍🏻. Is that hot and cold behavior (riding the dragon) or test drive phase? We didn't have any negativity or say anything about the relationship....

The only thing that I wished this discussion would have also covered, was these particular stages while the ex is dating someone else. It adds a very thick layer of complexity, that I wish I had some semblance of an idea of what to do.

She says she’s not ready when I asked her to FaceTime me. I said I understand but not ready for what? To communicate with me? And she said it doesn’t matter. But still contacts me for no reason. What could this mean?

Hi Clay, So I think I’m already at the crisis point haha. I dated a girl for a couple months before she left me to go back to her ex. I was basically the rebound... However they didn’t last as the guys a POS and everybody but her knew that until now... Our first time talking again we got right down to it and cleared the air about much of our emotions and what the hell happened. It kinda feels like we never stopped dating except for the sexual bits. However she’s saying how she’s not ready to date and I’m too good for her. But still wants to hang out, yet at the same time is sorta suggesting we shouldn’t. She’s the one who restarted contact, about 2 weeks after her last breakup. And she’s the one to initiate texts. Ha oh god

Iv just started talking to my ex after 5 months of been blocked, she does reply but one word text like your saying, she taking her time reading the text too, sometimes it will be a day later, but I'm not blocked and she has admitted she misses us, but says she better on her own, but is this still a good sign she is at least talking to me again, and also I'm finding it hard what to say

Clay, I am pretty sure I pushed it from crisis point to wall of reactance. I moved to a new city, and I unknowingly pushed her again, is it really over? I did not know she was going through her own problems, and I pushed her. please help me out.

My ex has said that we aren't meant to be together right now, but that she doesn't know what the future holds and maybe we can get back together down the track. There is resistance around texting and messaging as she said that we can message here and there but not everyday as she doesn't want to get my hopes up. She said she thought we were meant to be, but now she is not really sure. We argued alot the last year of our relationship and slowly she lost hope. I'm so confused.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. She has some mental health issues that get bad during the spring, and along with the virus thing right now, she’s just at a bad spot. We never had trust issues, cheating, or fighting. She ended it because she just has to focus on herself right now to make sure she’s safe. I’m confident that she still has feelings for me and loves me. We dated for six months. Her friends and family loved me as mine did her as well. I don’t know what to do in order to get her back.

Hey Coach I am in a situation that I don’t know what to do first of all my recent ex change her number the good thing I still see her three times a week on a group from church so we broke up on December 2018 she blocked me. For a whole month She unblock me but she told me to give her time that she doesn’t want to talk to me I didn’t respect that. I was trying to talk to her but she wouldn’t respond so I stop texting her I Text her the third day no response. Couple days pass by after we talked just a little bit But it seems that she wasn’t there in little conversation we had. I also messed up by bringing up the break up it was stupid of me. telling her if she doesn’t want to talk to me she could go ahead and block me she wouldn’t do it So we would talk here and then the other following week I brought up the break up I know ur going to say.. that was a stupid idea.. so I brought up the break up again she got mad I told her if she doesn’t want to talk to me she can block me she blocked me. When that I realize a lot of stuff about me I also had a bad day at work they laid me off. So I was mad.. and she hasn’t unblock me at all which today is March 9 2019. On March 4, 2019 she had change her number. I’m sure because I called private couple times I’m sure she felt anxious that she can’t get no space. I’m sure she lost some interest..but the thing is where we go to church she has two friends an there married. Does two girls they support her a lot I don’t know if they are giving her advice what to do which will be kind of dumb if she is taking advice from their friends. so now I got nothing left with no number but we still see each other three times a week. Is there anyway I could flip that what I’m doing right now I dress way better different. I am more confidence I’m centered I’m thinking more Straight. I see her looking at me here and then which I try not to look at her at all but the question is what can I do in this situation or to get her to like me because I don’t want to approach to her since she did that pretty much on changing her number what’s your best advice in order for me to flip that problem that I have? Throughout this time it’s been three months I change so much I build my confidence I went to the process. I did look for her 3 times through out does months ? The reason for the break up was because I got on her apps and I was browsing around something I should’ve never done. I had download an app of Yahoo mail to get to her mail the was the first on December 2018 I confront about some stuff which it was nothing bad my thoughts weren’t thinking positive that day I disrespected her with words. I had erase that of yahoo. An just about now on feb 15 I downloaded to get something from my mail but it actually open an when back to her yahoo mail an she got the Notification on her phone saying someone from another device her open her Yahoo when I noticed that it took me to her email I try to talk to her on church but I couldn’t I got a phone Texter I explained everything that it was an accident that I didn’t know it was going to take me inside her mail. I’m sure she didn’t believe me. It sucks and it’s crazy how that happened thing I couldn’t of done just be honest with her what happened. Throughout the three months we were getting back together twice and it didn’t happen because of those accidents so what can I do from now on what’s your advice? P.s we were actually getting married to she knows I have a ring for her because she had try it on already before this happen

Mind blowing information It has to be best I have heard My ex girlfriend has kept ringing me / texting overall a good feel to it I said do you want to go for a coffee haven't heard from her I don't think I stepped out of line but now think it may have been to early I haven't contacted her either not because I am stubborn just feel I'm in limbo She knows I'm a good guy but she has loads of options pretty girl

Hi, we have chatted on another recording. My ex has gone from test drive to wanting to see me, as far as I know he is still in the relationship with the woman he cheated on me with, who he got together with about a month after our break up. But he sent me an email saying he, wants to salvage something from our three years together and that he feels he'll never be able to make up for what he did. What stage is he at?

Opinions of getting back with a possessive ex boyfriend?

@Clay Andrews Opinions of getting back with a possessive ex boyfriend? Ive been stuck at the Crisis Point/ New Beginnings stage for many months now..how do i deal with relationship anxiety? Would love to hear your thoughts thanks 🙏

We have two children together and we keep getting back and forth one min he tells me give time and then there is no chance and he says if i keep contacting he wont see the children i am so confussed on what to do! As in 22 days our baby will be one and want to be at some kind of friendship he left me with no explanation just never come home one day we have had alot if changes in our life we moved bought a business had a baby and lots more? Seriously what can i do because the children need us both! His family said dont contact him then he will miss me amd children bur our son is 7 amd always wants his dad i need some advise? Also we argued alot about spending time becaise he was so busy with work x

Damn man I messed up. My ex was responding to me and even telling me about things she was worried about, and I jumped to hinting about relationships. She got far less reactant after that. Right now she is in what is most likely a rebound( got together in a week or two after our year long relationship and he looks like me a bit) and I've been in NC for 6 days. After the 30 day mark I'm planning on giving it another shot. Obviously there's a lot more information than that, but do you think I've still got a solid shot?

We were at stage 3 like 2 months ago. we even went on a date etc. it was fun.. now 2 months later shit is even worse then before? He just didn’t know what he wanted or what he needed anymore. And because of this and because his mother doesn’t like me, he thinks it’s just not possible to be together again and that’s when he started ghosting on me! Even though he liked our conversations.. He even admitted that he still thinks about me 6 months post break-up.. and he can’t figure out why?? So he ignored me. I was sooooo confused. I kept asking questions about why he so suddenly ghosted on me.. cuz the connection was there I mean wtf. But it’s like he just really wants to fight his feelings because he knows in his head that it’s not ever gonna work. But now as from today he blocked me everywhere. Probably because I kept asking him. This is even worse than the break-up itself. He has never blocked me before. I’m in shock. How can I solve this

My ex and I have been talking on the phone for hours every day we’re building the emotional connection and I feel like we are past riding the dragon point and we are at the crisis point she continues to mention that we are broke up but continue to say how much she cares about me and how much I mean to her and she wants me in her life we also are intimate with each other and have stayed together once recently but I live in a different city five hours away it’s very complicated what do I do?

My ex and I haven't talked in a year. I called him 4 weeks ago and got him to unblock me (initially called with *67). Left him a voicemail. Anyway so shocked he called finally! I was able to secure a meetup July 4th. It went well...he said "he wanted to be friends"... On July 16th we hung out and he was playful and talked about our past. We hugged...he responds to texts now. We are suppose to hang out this weekend. We texted 3 hours last night. Anywho...your vids are helpful. I am glad he is receptive...finally.

Spot on. !

Hi Clay! I do want my ex back because of the connection and attraction we have. Right now I’m in the riding out stage. Can you let me know a little more about that ?

I was wondering what effect a contested divorce can have on ever reconciling? Right now, she is at 60% to 80% reactiveness right now and I worry it can go back to 100%

Help guys&girls I’m 24 and have recently got back in contact with an ex from 3, years ago we were together for 3 years and we were 21&19 when we split up but anyway we’ve been seeing other people obviously but I haven’t been able to shake the “she’s the one feeling “ even while I was dating previous partners we had a great relationship together and reason for separating was we weren’t on the same page but now we’re both different people we’ve both grown up as individuals and we hung out over the weekend(which was great) and have agreed to go out for a date sometime this week just wondering the do’s and don’ts when trying to rekindle a spark with a ex

Hi Clay. I really appreciate your video. That opens my mind about what is after breakup.. we were long distance and he broke up with me because I was being too needy and jealous sometimes. He said he wants to be friends and know each other on a different level. Since broken up he called almost once everyday but conversation was very short and casual. Is that the test drive stage? What can I do to get to the next stage? Thanks

I’m at the first stage, and it hurts 7 years and i don’t know how to live without him..... he wants me to leave him forever and at this point i have no choice.

i think im somewhere in btw crisis stage and new beginning. Me and my ex talked our feelings out finally after 6 months of breakup. we cleared everything out and he tried to dig me saying that i deserve better and i can have anyone since i told him i went out with bunch of guys after i broke up just to distract myself. i told him how much he makes me happy and how much i still feel the connection also i want to be with him and i dont want to start giving any titles to our new beginning and we should just start getting to know each other and go with flow. he was happy to hear. we are in long distance. after that we sorted all he seems like not putting much energy in texting. he texted few days but then we didnt have much to talk. i called him once and he missed it saying i was busy with work. hes always working. been 2 days he didnt text and i hoping that i need to be patient and give him time although i dont know how to keep that quality emotional bond btw us.

Thank u tomuch

Love your work Clay! I have a situation where when she's drinking or drunk we talk like everything is cool. She tells me we should hang out, we should play games together, she's happy that I'm happy, she was afraid I hated her, and that she thinks about me all the time. So basically her reactance is somewhere around 20%-60% but when she's sober she hardly if ever responds when I want to talk to her or play games. This confuses me as I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I just message her once a week? Once a month? What do I do when she doesn't respond? I don't want to bug her but I'm excited about our conversations when she is drunk and hopefully speaking her mind. I'm just happy to have her back and don't want to get her to 100% reactance again. Cause I would still love to have the drunk texts which makes me feel like she still cares, but the high reactance when not drunk is hurting me a bit. Thanks for the help Clay.

I need follow up on how to strengthen the emotional connection

Thing is she tells me to move on but says shes not and she acctually texts me frequently and we have been talking nicely to each other no arguements or anything ☺ please help lol

I pulled back away from responding to my ex that now we just don't communicate at all, its like we both to stubborn to give in,,idk but I am starting to loose the hope of ever getting him back .

Think I might have blown it as I couldnt talk to him about or connection or I was giving hot and cold as I was very nervous and I'm the one who broke it off. But dont understand why he had to do what he did to me as it made me feel he was using me to make his gf jealous

Its not about a hunt or settle to easy.. No no no... Think of it like this: what makes you fall in love with a women or man? 1. Its feminimity or masculinity 2. Its charm, they need to find that they are drawn to you, that your energy is exciting and that you speaking honestly not walls to protect.. Men and women is not that different.. Figure this stuff up and just go with it.

Hi so based on what you have said it feels like I'm in the crisis point...i.e. he is in constant contact (him initiating mainly)..being affectionate with pet names hugs and kisses on and also more open. however i am concerned that I am being put in the so called friend zone. he has mentioned bout women checking him out or flirting with him (which later he told me it was a friend that he went out for drinks with)..or everytime i mention a male acquaintance his reaction has always been if i am sure it is just a friend etc. i am unsure if this is still the crisis point or is he labelling me as a friend ( as he has called us this before)??? what do i do?

What is your ex wants you to come over acted like he was very excited to see me. Wanted to b intimate right away. Next day he has told a new gf he didnt tell me about that I was coming over. She kept calling he said shes trying to keep us from being intimate and laughed. I had broke up with him. Dont know if he was trying to get revenge or make her or me jealous. Told him tell her no worries were not. He should of known i wouldnt get intimate if hes intimate with someone else. I also told him i was leaving. He said Really and his face showed he didnt like what i said or i was leaving???

Now the question is is it better to slowly and smart go towards them or stay in no contact and send a letter.

I need some help and I hope you can respond back so I can share what I need help on.

Before you even got to the "riding the dragon" stage of the video I thought to myself my ex feince is about 60%-40% and I was spot on with what you said. However, last night we sent a few texts back and forth and she said "it's confusing because it feels normal when we are together but neither of us want a relationship." my response to that was "I never said I don't want a relationship but I do want to feel wanted and valued first"... What do I do now? How can I get to the next stage? Should I continue doing what I am doing and maybe take some benifits away from her next time I see her, that way she understands she has to give a little more to earn those benefits?

Will you please do a video on what to do “if the woman was the the one who broke up and now regrets it. Men are proud and turned off by chasing so I feel I’m stuck. NO ONE ELSE IS POSTING VIDEOS OF WHEN THE WOMAN BREAKS UP AND REGRETS IT !! The break up was messy - lasted over a month . I was stubborn and wouldn’t answer his texts and calls and told him not to contact, but I would reply sometimes always reinforcing the breakup. we rehashed everything I said and he said by text which made it worse. I kept saying not to contact me. He didn’t beg or ask me to change my mind. He sent my clothes to me with a kind break up letter., which I recieved a day after the confusing, muddled, icky rehashing. I texted him how much I loved his letter. He texted me short but positive texts the next 2 days, then stopped. I regret what I did, and apologized for the mean things I said in the rehashing phase but reiterated that it was over. I wanted him to chase. I feel I really hurt him and his pride and fear he’s keeping in touch as a back up. Or he’s easing back into a relationship, I don’t know if he’ll chase me now. In the 3 short texts we’ve engaged in he has not brought up the past. I don’t know whether I should ask him to get back together or just let sleeping dogs lie. And see if he takes the lead. I feel if I do that, I will be perceived as desperate and chasing and using masculine energy. WHAT SHOULD WOMEN IN THIS SITUATION Will you please do a video on what to do “if the woman was the the one who broke up and now regrets it. NO ONE ELSE IS POSTING VIDEOS OF WHEN THE WOMAN BREAKS UP AND REGRETS IT !! The break up was messy - lasted over a month . I was stubborn and wouldn’t answer his texts and calls and told him not to contact, but I would reply sometimes always reinforcing the breakup. we rehashed everything I said and he said by text which made it worse. I kept saying not to contact me. He didn’t beg or ask me to change my mind. He sent my clothes to me with a kind break up letter., which I recieved a day after the confusing, muddled, icky rehashing. I texted him how much I loved his letter. He texted me short but positive texts the next 2 days, then stopped. I regret what I did, and apologized for the mean things I said in the rehashing phase but reiterated that it was over. I wanted him to chase. I feel I really hurt him and his pride and fear he’s keeping in touch as a back up. Or he’s easing back into a relationship, I don’t know if he’ll chase me now. In the 3 short texts we’ve engaged in he has not brought up the past. I don’t know whether I should ask him to get back together or just let sleeping dogs lie. And see if he takes the lead. I feel if I do that, I will be perceived as desperate and chasing and using masculine energy. WHAT SHOULD WOMEN IN THIS SITUATION DO?????? Thank you so much for your advice! Please make a video for us❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ DO?????? Thank you so much for your advice! Please make a video for us❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

We are so stuck in stage 4. Me and my ex husband started seeing ea other 2 months ago. He’s confused and angry at himself for his affair. Yesterday he told me to leave him alone and move on.

It’s like reading the same book expecting a different ending.

Well, I'm kinda boned at this moment then. She told me she needed space, but we could talk a bit, then she ignored my text and I haven't dared to double text her yet. I'm afriad she'll either block me or push me even further away. I texted her about when she was graduating as I know it was coming up, but she never told me the actual dates. I feel like she might have thought I was going to show up there or ask to go there with her. Should I try texting her about something else or should I keep not reaching out for a while. It's been just over a week now

Does it make since that I feel like my ex husband (Divorced Sep 2018 after 19 yrs) could be in the middle of stage 3 and 4. We have been seeing ea other since June. Let me add he broke up with his affair/rebound relationship just ended the beginning of Aug. I’ve done the self transformation since last September, haven’t dated anyone. Talked to a few just on FB but that’s it. Of course I want us to get back together, I’ve always loved him since 2000. We have 4 children together. 17, 15, 11, and 8 yr olds. I’m 47 and he is 46: what do you think Clay:) oh by the way we have had a lot of emotional connection since June:)

Ur amazing clay thank you so so much

What if she's married?

Well i’m at stage 2 ..

Pretty sure I'm between Riding the Dragon and Crisis point. He's very hot and cold, and there's been a "friend" trying to shift my ex away and towards others. I've been focusing on trying to have positive interactions and high-quality connections, but that can get hard when some days he is more than happy to talk and conversation flows, and other days he is closed off and will respond with short replies or not at all. I know he still wants me around since he does invite me to group events and group settings, and in those group events we've split off to hang out one on one, but it's like he doesn't want to make plans that are strictly one-on-one hang outs. I've got no idea what to do to try and keep building positive interactions and how to get past all of this and into stage 5.

You are a genius man😄😄

walll od reactins.. at how many months does this start. what if rheres a rebound. with 4years...way way way inlove. .beeen in no contact and her wti rebounjd a YEAR

Help me ! I’m so confused as to what the heck is going on. I was with my ex for 9 years. We moved across the country together and after I saw that things weren’t working, I decided to go back home for us to have some space. He told me that we should just end things because it would be better for both of us. Well he ended up coming back home too, lives 10 minutes from me. We’ve been broken up now for 5 months but we’ve stayed in contact the whole time and have even stayed intimate. Some days are fine, but some days he gets angry and says he doesn’t want me back. I feel like deep down he’s considering it but is scared and still is angry for the way I left. He’s been texting me but it’s just one word responses most of the time. I don’t know what to do.

Hey Clay my ex told me he still loves me, but is not sure whether we should get back together because he thinks that our mindset is different and he is concerned that we still wouldn't be happy if we get back together, that we will just make each other upset. I cheated on him once before that was caused by the needing of his attention and care which he says he has fogiven me on. But im thinking he is still hurt by it. From your video, it feels like we are on Stage 3, Riding the Dragon. I think i already made the mistake on making him decide whether he wants to 'get back or else we shall both move on' when he keeps coming back to me but does not want to commit yet, and had the conversation to spill our feelings out, about what we used to keep inside and never spilled out to each other before we carry on with our decision. What should i do now? Should i text him back to remain as friends like he wanted to, and continue building the emotional attraction? Or should i just leave everything behind now? Cause i have treated him unwell before, i am not sure which videos of yours would be the best fit for me to follow on. Which videos of yours should i watch on?

I was somewhat disappointed that the Q and A section was mainly about a rebound and not more about people that are in one of the five stages. Although of course its important to not talk about all this stuff like most dating coaches where you have to play games, such as demonstrating "higher value" or playing hard to get or things along those lines. But I've been somewhat in a stuck place lately with my ex partner and i would have liked to have had more substance on that topic when it came to the Q and A.