Exactly the line I would have chosen. Thankyou!

'your most secret tyrant-longings disguise themselves thus in virtue-words!' Is this a super-complex way of saying: STFU; you virtue signaling baby? Haha.

Doug can you see why some people claim he’s a greater psychologist than philosopher? Would there even be Psychoanalytic theory without him? “Secret tyrant longings” toddler narcissism sublimated as “virtuous equality”. Some people loathe him which I totally get, but no one can say he wasn’t smart.

@@RICHARDGRANNON He is quite brilliant and cuttingly insightful at times. It's no wonder he talks a fair bit about the hatred of the envious. Have you come across Jung's take on him? I found Jung's observations very helpful for gaining more understanding of both of them.

@@Janarchist85 great contributions 🙏 A Jungian favorite - “He who looks in the mirror of the water, first sees his own image. He who looks at himself, risks to meet himself. The mirror does not flatter, it shows accurately what is reflected in it, namely that face that we never show the world because we hide it by the persona, the mask of the actor. This is the first test of courage on the inner path, a test, which is enough to frighten most people, because the encounter with oneself belongs to those unpleasant things, one avoids as long as one can project the negative onto the environment.” Carl Jung

Targeted by EVIL I feel you, good luck to you! It can only get better. I felt so conflicted about cutting out toxic people that I knew were doing me harm. No more. I know how to say NO.

@Targeted by EVIL hugs.. urnotalone.. ever.. tlc

Spirit Messages Tarot : Brilliant idea! God bless you!

I understand how you felt and i'm glad you found a way to be rid of them, much love, might try it ❤

Beautiful!! ✨✨✨

Hell yeah mines to

people are mirror to who you are. Those you choose to be with close/intimate are the ones that show the closest reflection of you.

you saying this means you’re a healthy kind-hearted person.

MrCool Mug good for you brother!! Glad to hear that you found a way to balance. I always say, private and work, separate this. In most cases coworkers are not your friends and you don’t need to have their approval if you are a pleasant person or not. Let them say he is a hard efficient employee. That’s more of value you know. Just work together, do the work what’s expected from you and when you leave the job, go in private mode. You are there to make money for a living. You are not there to make friends. That’s it. You keep doing you! ❤️

I can relate...

You literally explained my earlier life to the point

Yup I can relate brother. Be yourself and no apologies for that

A good point! 👍🏻

Oh hell yes! Story of my life.

TRUE and DEEP!

Uhg.. That's so true

I betrayed my children in order to please and to avoid betraying another. Thankfully we got through it and as adults now they’ve forgiven me and understand the dynamics of codependency. People pleasing is as addictive and destructive as being addicted to drugs.

@@007Tinkins Thank you... you just OPENED my eyes to what I did... I never thought of it like that! I betrayed my children too as my mother betrayed my sister and I.

The only fish that 'go with the flow' are dead fish.

@@carlaheine8466 Yes!

So true! We have to figure out who we are and what we stand for.

I always say: "Well I'm just trying to keep peace". To which people say: "And how's that working??"

@@carlaheine8466 soooo true.

I think we can form the concept of a system that run it's cause, only because we 've been through it. We crossed to the other side.

@e Take it down a few. All I m saying, it's easy for those who have experienced abuse and got out , to realise looking back, that there is 'a system'. Abusers come with an agenda. Once you are out of their reach, you can see the agenda but not before. That's all.

I love the Rumi quote; it's not your job to seek love, it's your job to seek all the barriers within you build against it. It's really nice to see so many people motivated to recovery. Healing ourselves, heals the system.

@e sorry but that's a very generalised comment about someone you don't know! I'm saying no...with a smile to people who hurt me, sorry if that offends you.

Its been a difficult life. So much abuse

So true

Sometimes its because no one is aking, or hearing...

It's even a brain injury caused by narc upbringing. That's why we have to repattern our brain to undoe the damidge after the abuse.

we could have done a Thelma and Louise, because I would have RUN! Too bad we only have the lessons we learned the hard way.

They demand blind loyalty to them while they betray you in each moment.

just avoid sheep mentality altogether.. narcissistically-tied situations -- putting a foot down at its impetus, would have removed children from participating in a situation, and their resultant mental circumstances.. folie a deux ou cinquante, exactement.. they should be listening to this -- should have had school psychologists in the 90s! co-dependent and leaving.. lol ugh.. there are many shrinks out there.. and find group/individual healing.. "inability to say no".. exactly -- acquiescing to a group, and its effects later in life

and they may ask themselves, why do i feel weak, low-vibe, powerless, low self-ego, low self-worth, etc.. well, the proof is in the pudding, and their lack of stance and self-reflection and/or introspection.... and asking for permission, etc.... like huh? permission? permission to speak, ask? etc.. making something "normal," very "abnormal".. need to challenge the status quo in life

neither do I. trusted sibling stabbed me in the back

I don't either. So awful

Are there really any "safe people"? Your safety comes from YOU not THEM.

Yes. Your desire for retribution will be used against you. It lets them frame you as the scary aggressor.

Reactive Abuse. Don't get lured in. I began saying calmly the moment she'd begin attacks- " I'm not being lured into your setup "

I can relate

Here here!

I totally get it...but that’s not really healing. Avoiding your triggers doesn’t help you in the long run..Being triggered and being able to walk your way to a different ending is recovery.

@@daniellen8258 I know but I'm too long in the tooth now to be bothered. Menopause doesn't help either. 😂 I've always been better single I think it suits me. I'm happy on my own

Ditto

@@daniellen8258 I will disagree, I think avoiding your triggers does help you heal, especially if you have been living in the fight/flight mode for years. Growth is another matter and yes, I think you need to push yourself to grow. But I'm with the OP, I have chosen to just not have relationships. 6+ years now. Rearing children, having relationships with family members and friend is challenging enough lol

Enjoy saying 'no' to people. It's marvellous fun 😉 Fight on!

I was 52 when I found this.

Hi Amanda, I'm a man and I recognised the "family environment" which You described.That kind of family "teamwork"really sucks😱

Can you win mum of the year whilst whining ? Perhaps it was so quiet as to be almost inaudible ? Im completely on board with your 'no hostages' maxim . That is hard won but stable territory that teaches all inhabitants things of real value

If that’s not my father 😒

People don't care to help when they finally want to help though and you never know who is seeking help or otherwise. You're not them I've learned this the hard way

@@EnglishAaron you say "YOU", but really you are saing "I".... right? 😉

@@1RPJacob Yes

Ignatia amara - a homeopathic remedy is wonderful for this ☝️

Seriously

How do you reverse broken heart syndrome? I've always wore my heart on my sleeve.

@@deegeo3659 Take it off your sleeve? 🤔

@@AliceDont888 I so need to! It's easier said then done. Truly need to find my Bitch mode!

Trauma bonds don’t “fall apart”. They’re always there. We can just be aware of them and enter relationships more consciously and endure it’s not built on trauma bonds.

@@marinahendou8517 I disagree with you. I can no longer give empathy to many people that I used to and they have left disappointed. Also sometimes boundaries are there so nothing is what it used to be.

@@strandedinanisland457 I’m a licensed clinician. I watch this play out in people’s lives every day. I assure you, they don’t go away. And if you think they do you leave yourself in a vulnerable situation. You will either shut people out to avoid your TB being triggered (seeing a bogey man where there’s none there) or you will believe they’ve “fallen away” and toxic people will show up in your life appearing very different from the ones your used to. You won’t even know they’re there until you find yourself in a state of despair whilst scratching your head wondering how you ended up back here “when they seemed so different”. Think of it like an alcoholic who hasn’t drank in 20 years. He still refers to himself as a “recovering” alcoholic. He doesn’t say I used to be an alcoholic. It’s always there. So if you want to believe they just “fall away” then go for it and good luck.

@@marinahendou8517 seems to me that you're context and mine is very different. I'm not one of your patient or someone you even know. Toxic people don't go away, I know that. What I meant is that I no longer can give them empathy and enable them. Not sure why this argument is going on at all?

30 Day Challenge. Emotional Literacy course. You'll find your way.

I know a middle aged man who never changed and he still lives with his mother at 50 years old... She has made him dependent, complains about his dependence, but will guilt trip him when he communicates his new plan to break free. She then manipulates him into staying by playing on his guilt. It's so unhealthy and he is not happy at all. Time is finite......take that opportunity, just take it...

Same mate, I'm 24 turning 25 and I literally feel like all my essence and energy was robbed from me when I was young

I’m 54 and just realizing that I did not sprout the agency to find myself and make choices outside of serving my unwell parents my whole life. Now that I am no longer hiding from the responsibility to be my own person, I am too ill to get out of bed most of the time. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome research has shown a high number of traumatized people. PLEASE don’t become another statistic! Do the program Richard offers as though your very life depends upon it, for it may very well be the case.

@@tubbyrainbow111 You're STILL young, 25 is certainly not old. Lol lol

I came across a great vid by Theramin Trees: Letting Go of Fixing People. I hope you find it as personally insightful as I did.

❤

Look at the actual situation. People started demonstrating in the world and they create a lockdown. 😉

Me too. I second that.

☺️ sweet!

truth takes away with one hand, but always gives back with two.

IEl tr Same here 😂 I’m from Europe but I’m not from the UK. I use yt to watch videos on my favorite topics and to improve my English at the same time. When I first started to watch Richard I was like “omg I don’t understand a word” because I was not used to the British accent and the vocabulary 😂 Even though we were taught British English in school, not American English 😁 I had level B2 back then but still had to use subtitles on his channel all the time. I’m close to C2 now and don’t use English subtitles anymore. I understand him perfectly now. I really enjoy watching him now without any “stress”. This channel has taught me so much it’s incredible! Nice to see other people are here for the same combination of reasons 💛

@@katana5562Good to see we get the most out of it! (Tricky expression not sure it's correct). I think it's his distinctive tone of voice that seals the words in memory😁

@@el6178 The only way we can grow and develop ourselves is when we can leave the past behind and learn not to look back as however hard we wish to change the past It is impossible, we are able to aim at creating a nice future for ourselves and should only learn to focus on that.

My parents talk about suicude too often. I moced out at 21 then again at 22. My mum had organized a poor paying job for me in her homectown. I know now that the bad pay and her hometown were deliberate. Despicable woman. Despicable father aswell. Evil and awful people

So did she?

@@yousufqu_ ha hope ya not training to be a counsellor 🙄

Could've used those voice mails to have her committed.

Don't feel ashamed. Life is learning...🙂

I did 23years. Today is a brand new day! Thank God for today and don't live in the past. Just learn from it.

I know the journey too. Leaving family for self-preservation. Best decision ever. Hope your even happier now ❤

@@Co-wx7ij , That’s so sweet 🪽. To be flat out honest I’ve done so much better since I ended contact with them. I’ve been able to face a lot of the fears and insecurities they projected onto me during my youth. I hope you’re even happier as well along your no-contact with toxic relatives journey. Survivors of child abuse deserve the happiness and confidence that was always taken from them during their upbringing 🕊️.

That’s so strange, I replied yesterday, but either I accidentally deleted it or KZfaq’s algorithm did. I’ve kind of been on social media’s “naughty list” for questioning certain cv measures, and other political matters 🤣. What I meant to say is: Thank you, that’s so sweet 😌. I have been much happier sustaining no-contact. I’ve been able to face so many fears & insecurities they projected onto me as a child. My parents did sneak in a brief period of contact with me a year ago because they’re in their 70’s and eighties. But I was able to wake up after a few months and resume back to severing ties. I hope you as well are happier on your journey of no-contact with harmful relatives 🕊️✨. Every survivor of child abuse deserves the happiness and confidence that was usually stolen from them during their youth.

Narcissists shit bricks.

michael keeble : Hi Michael! Count me in, retired Air Force. I never complained. I’d had enough of my ex-husband one day.........when I stopped my mouth, he said “I thought I was in the ring with Mighty Mouse!” I’m no longer a co-dependent person. Happy day!

Religions can be so awful - like their Golden Rule doesn't count in terms of regard for women. Or children. The pagans were not right about that either.

@@sage9836 Yes, that's why men always have such a wonderful time in these religions. No one is asking them to work until they die, no one is telling them to set their emotions aside to accommodate others, no one is shaming men at all by attaching their self worth to how well they are able to take care of women and children and the natural competetiveness between males hasn't been exploited to the point of having them kill each other in droves over some political agenda that's not even theirs. Those things never happen and if they do, it's men that did it to other men, so it doesn't count. It's not like the abusive elements of religions or ideologies are designed to force everyone into interdependent dysfunctional roles, it's just the women and children who are abused. Of course, as soon as male children become parents, they suddenly turn into the abusers and we shouldn't consider where their behaviour comes from. All we need to know, is that they were taught everything bad by their abusive fathers because they were around so often, especially during the pre-cognitive developmental phase of their childrens lives that governs most of their deep seeded instinctive behaviours. All we need to know, is that these problems are uniquely male and that the only true victims are uniquely female... and children. Luckily, there's us, the virtuous men that outcompete the bad men in our ability to care for the helpless women and children that are abused by men and men only. We're way better at it than those horrible men from that other tribe, so surely we never have a reason to act like victims and complain. We are obligated to make ourselves as invulnerable and powerful as possible, because we are tasked with saving women and children. It stands to reason that we create a political system that treats women as helpless creatures that shouldn't be held responsible as much as us powerful men. This system will make sure bad men are punished because they are so powerful and pretty much invulnerable compared to women. Surely this system will be the least abusive known to humanity and it has never been tried before, because no one is as virtuous as us, powerful men. /s