Your probably an empath. I always get sick (literally) when around narcisst and toxic people. Just had it happen again. Ive got to.learn to have healthy boundaries

@@unknown-lf6zx At least you know, I guess? I just don't feel like I can relax and be open emotionally because somebody doesn't feel 'safe'.

Yep, every time my mom come to visit, ew.

My ex

It sounds like my roommate I was playing dominoes with him last night and he ended up making the game not fun I felt anxiety growing in me and I just got up and went to my room and of course shut the door 😑

Oh, they have a soul, even if it is empty and eternally damned.

They are assouls. 🤣🤣🤣

their souls akin to "voids"

Yep. They don't have a soul.

They believe their souls going to heaven yet don't follow bible teachings, (I'm not religious but Def. Spiritual, I hope for more that's better than this world can be but no religious per se) they pray, yet if you say what the bible says they say stuff like yeah BUT that's not now is it!

or they just ignore you. Demeaning and disregarding. they ignore it when you are wound up because they have baited you. They are utterly disgusting these people. both my parents and both siblings. Only managed to go no contact a few months ago. I am 59.

'You haven't had it half as bad as I have!'

my ex loves this game. my own fault was that i told her early on that i was high sensitive and that i needed my time sometimes. after that, it felt like everything in my life was invaded.

Or maybe you're just whining

Absolutely!!!! Like the time I told the CovNarc that I was super freaked out about being pregnant and becoming a Mom and they started yelling at me and recriminations me..."what are you gonna do when the baby comes"...me crying..."you need to get your shit together"....me, what?.....I need to go to sleep, I can't talk anymore about this anymore". My body new in that moment 16 years ago that it was over. I wish I had been more brave then. Older wiser Be brave listen to the body. It NEVER lies. ❤🙏🤲

Dam

Damn, Carol, 64 years :( but it's better late than never. I wish you all the best, God bless you.

I can relate !

Living well is the best revenge. Join a travel group or what ever your interest is. Group trips are reasonable and fun. All the best. 🙏💓🌹

Lol this is trolling?

Facts !

I didn’t see it until it happened

We tend to give them benefits of a doubt too many times.

Literally. This man has sent me so much money bought me a iPhone 14pro max did anything I wanted but so many passive aggressive and sneaky behavior. No matter how well he treated me … my spirit literally rejected him so hard I couldn’t explain it because no one has ever made me feel like that without doing something to me. I literally just had to call him out and get away from him.

Thank the Lord for that, do not give an inch to him, he will try to come back. If I had known, or 23:56 some one in his family should have told me, warned me at least.

I talked about something like that in today's video that'll be live at 4:45 CST

@@CommonEgo my covert ex who I worked with persuaded me to do work that I was overqualified for because (I realised in hindsight) he was jealous of my teaching qualifications (whereas he didn’t have any qualifications, he was just a good salesman- all that great future faking) . I realised by doing tasks that were basic in his presence and other coworkers was a form of humiliation. Thanks for your content btw, your videos have really helped educate me especially regarding the covert narcissist.

@@silvera4352 my ex became so angry with me once when we were discussing future career plans (we were in college together on the same degree path.) He became angry with me for not agreeing to pursue a lesser paying job that I was also uninterested in. He tried telling me I needed to do it because it would be “easier on” me to do the lower paying job. At the time his anger was shocking and he refused to talk to me for the rest of the night. I realize now that he probably felt threatened that I was going to continue my education, had higher ambitions and was willing to make decisions independently of him. He was very competitive and would undermine me in study groups and try to make me look stupid for not knowing something, like in a language class where he had (re)taken a semester and the material was not new to him like it was to me. He would say things like “I can’t believe you don’t know this!” or would stare at me like I was an idiot in front of others.

@@erose3144 your ex sounds like such an insecure idiot. That's the sad thing with a covert narcissist "relationship"- you're not in a relationship with them, you're in a competition. Life is way too short to get dragged down by someone who makes you responsible for their hang-ups. Hope you're doing better these days.

@@silvera4352 I am! I am doing much better. I hope that you are doing well too! It takes a long time to recover yourself after dealing with a narcissist

the appreciation shown to me always was hollow inside and surrounded by digs and subtle disruptive body language and temper tantrums, always leaving me feel empty and useless.

Never

No. I realize that now 😞😢

NEVER. It’s insane.

My ex husband's job fired him because they just couldn't make him happy🤣he was very skilled at his job, BUT he was just too miserable to keep on

Or that they are not the center of the attention.

Bang on!

EXACTLY!

That is so true. Whenever my narc father would hear my mother and I having a laugh, he would tell us to stop laughing and be quiet.

Daaaamn had a flashback of the narc standing like this when I was laughing with the people around us 🤯🤦🏻‍♀️

Right on

So true!

I have wondered is it hypersensitivity or reactiveness ?

Yes. Sensitive when it's them that's being hurt, insensitive when they want to hurt others.

@@silentgrove7670 probably both - i have seen people diagnosed with 'extreme anxiety' that i know for a fact are covert, toxic, cluster b types -- they use their hypersensitivity as a buffer and a shield from criticism, but will allow no such buffer or boundary for anyone else's feelings. Pure selfishness. If they're one way in public and another way in private, they obviously know the behaviour would be frowned upon by the general public. They might not have alot of self-awareness but they do know right from wrong, which is why they can't use this disorder as a legal defense - they know they hurt people - they might not understand why they do it, but they know it's wrong if they hide it.

I feel you! So true

Oh wow 🤯

Absolutely!

They are like vampires

True

I guess we could put lack of empathy in there since it’s missing

24 out of 25 lol no contact time

i wonder if we can self diagnose ourselves? it seems I have many of these traits... :(

@@vintagelove2373 -- If you are wondering about yourself, then you are NOT a narcissist. A narcissist doesn't try to ponder these things. They are mostly clueless. Give yourself a major break, sweetheart !!

Wow, Mom got a perfect score; lucky me. 😫😫😫 Thank you for writing it all out.

It is very interesting that narcs tend to say a lot that people envy them when they are the ones that envy everyone. There is a saying that says "What people always brag about, it is what they less have".

At 70 years of age, my dad said I was "hopeless" because I wasn't showing interest in his job. He is a professor in physics. How much attention does he need? How many times has he shown interest in my job? Zero times. To late in life, I have understood that he has narcissistic traits. He's probably a covert narcissist. I will never know for sure.

Shit, they need praise for sweeping or taking out the trash they do once a fuckin year and give nothing back verbally for anything we do

@@kimlarsson7259 mine are 80 now and im 56, I went back to school when I was 30 as I'd failed miserably when when I was young but nobody cared to notice. I did really well. My father still likes to laugh about how worried I was going back and still brags about how well other people's kids have done. Mom flat out said it still didn't get me anywhere in a career. They can't take it away from though! 😊

@The Honest TruthI really don’t even know how to explain it. I just never knew where I stood with him. One minute he was really interested, the next he wasn’t. I would try and confront him about things and he’d always get mad or pissed off no matter how nicely and politely I tried to put it. Felt like nothing I could do was ever enough. Some of the things he would say, I would take it the wrong way and instead of apologising he would say that it’s my fault for interpreting it the wrong way.

Good for you don't forget how he made you feel!

I felt this!! Every single word. Couldn't have said it better.

Sounds like a narcissist, well done for being do strong

i had the same, i was together, she went away, i was getting better, then she came back, and i started to crash again. when my mother died in february, she ghosted me again, 'you have to be happy first by yourself" , again she came back, bashed me again, because i was sad again after 2-3 months about my mother, ...are you still not over that?? so i dumped her, she needs my shoulder to talk to wen needed, but ohhh when i sit on something 'thats not done'

I AM Questioning If I'm The Narcissist! I'm So Confused! 🤷

Yes, I am starting to fear that I might be displaying some of these signs. Also trying to build up the courage to leave.

Tammy Anne look up narcissistic fleas .

@@theauthenticselfas someone who is 5 months of healing after going total no contact, after a 3 month dragged out discard (my ex was that cruel) I questioned the same. My therapist said something that helped me. She said there is a difference between human nature vs human behavior. We are all human and have been guilty of some of these, the difference here is 1) intention and 2) patterns. I hope this helps give you some clarity. I questioned it so much the first few months of going no contact but another rule of thumb is if you’re asking yourself if you’re the narcissist then chances are you aren’t. So while I may have displayed one of these one time, it wasn’t a pattern. In fact it was out of character for me. Also, if you feel guilt and shame for how you behaved or reacted in the relationship then you’re probably not a narcissist. I got into therapy because of all the guilt and shame that was consuming me. I was in flight or fight mode for MONTHS. If you’re the one seeking help, seeking to understand, questioning yourself, feeling remorse - then it’s very unlikely you’re the narcissist. Sadly, questioning oneself is a result of being abused. If there’s one thing I wish I could shout to the world as I’m on this healing journey, to those in it or just coming out (first 8 weeks are brutal), please don’t blame yourself or question yourself. I promise as the months pass, it goes away and you really do get better and overcome it. Keep working on yourself, do therapy, and keep healing. Eventually, the fog completely dissipates and you will see clearly that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT and YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Covert narcissists are good at making people or their victims question and blame themselves. Don’t give them that power. I’ve been there and still find myself there some days (like once or twice a month now - healing from this takes time so be patient with yourself). I’m going into 6 months and I can finally say I feel like I’m out of that darkness. It’s not you. It’s not your fault. You are human and reacted to their abuse but just because you had a bad day doesn’t make you a bad human. Whereas coverts, it’s a repeated pattern. They keep causing harm intentionally over and over and over. That’s the difference.

It happened the same to me but I watched once a person was saying that if you're questioning if you are the covert narcissist the probability is that you aren't bc you have self-awareness and narcissists don't have it.

This is so true.

I find they like one sided fake intimacy.. like this guy lately, he loved me spilling my guts, crying, opening up etc, but then I realized he loved the drama and used my insecurities and pain to throw back at me. Then again, that's not real intimacy, he didn't care about my hobbies and interests and what made me 'me' and he didn't share much either unless it was to brag... Then I realized, they don't get intimate or let their guard down because they have no real character or personality and in intimacy, we see the real person.. that's probably why they are repelled from intimacy. True intimacy requires honesty, laid bare and open, true character and so on.. Just a guess. It's just how I feel about the subject, it's how it seems to me.

@@jenniferhanson6467 I so agree.They are literally disgusted by emotions..Imagine that from a human we're supposed to have emotions...They actually think we're the disordered ones..

This explains my current partner…not emotionally available, he loves sex….hence he’s in the swing lifestyle. I’ve finally connected the dots and ACCEPTED IT after 2 years. I’m in the process of getting out of it….and moving home. This experience has cost me so much money and did damage to me, but I’ve learned and grown stronger from it. I hope others learn and get out of their situation. ❤️🙏

Exactly

@Albert Boyle IV so true. Really good post. Exactly what I went through.

My mom, taught me to put up with hers and all other ppl in fam toxicity. My whole life if I've felt angry or hurt by others or something is unfair or unjust I've ruminate and ruminate looking for my part in it and whether it's me who was at fault. That I'm supposed to tolerate and always see the other person's point of view. A life wasted thinking of everyone else and not myself. Nobody is perfect but if im wrong I will apologise or if someone brings something up I can look at it but always having to look right behave right be right think right do right left my head in a spin for 56 years and wanting those same standards from others when they're impossible to live up to and never fully truly being myself. Ppl do pick up on it as if you're weak. I'm not, I was just trained!! Not any more! ✌edit update, one year later..... to all out there, keep doing the work (im going through the worst time in my life with physical illnesses and difficult self righteous doctors), despite how ill I am, I've learnt so much that I'm mentally so much stronger and can see through the bull. Keep peeling back the layers of the onion and find yourself, Slough off their indoctrination and it does work. Believe in yourself. Remember it's not you, you have worth. When you've grown up within these systems it seems impossible but the healing does start and gets better each day. Don't be downhearted it's hard work and 2 steps forwards and 1 backwards but it's a journey worth doing. Channels I've found best are common ego tamie m joyce and especially dr. Carter all for healing from the multiple shocks and traumas that go on for decades. I've seen 70 and 80 years do this journey and it's inspiring. It's never too late to be YOU ✌

Wowwww. 🧐🤷‍♀️🥺

That's the story of my life 😢 I'm learning at 28 how to defend, stand up, speak up and stick up for myself. It's difficult as hell but it's worth it.

@@bereal6590work on psychic shielding and grounding. Building up your energy. You must build up your defenses, not to do so is self abuse. You can do it when you realize you must. Best wishes 💪

I have found with a narcissist, that the best thing to do when they start putting you down, is to just walk away. After he went to church, he stopped by my house and said "I see you missed church again today." So I said, "Dad, you need to pay attention to your surroundings. I haven't been in your church for over 30 years. And then I walked away. He seemed surprised at the fact I didn't respond as I use to. Defending myself... So he didn't get the reaction he waned. So I find the best thing to do is just smile and walk away because they don't llike it. But the consequences to that was how he smeared my name. But I have enough experience and knowledge that I knew what that was all about and I do not let it get to me as much as I used too. Just remind myself he has a mental illness.

They be so good at faking smiles and happiness. Shit weird

My thoughts exactly. I give people to much chances than they deserve. Because my narcissist Always told me that it wasn't nice x out people from my life just because they stole or disrespected me. People deserve a second chance and third one to.

@@evelove6724 Sister, your narcissist sounds like the guy I used to associate with. He and I grew up together. Having grown up deeply religious, I ALWAYS believed it was right for me to ignore the unsavory things about him and since I was ignorant of narcissistic personality disorder, I never questioned the matters with him deeper. I knew he didn't like his mother, which I now know is a glaring red flag for NPD. Thankfully, I woke up through a trying circumstance and cut him off like the dirt that drops from my fundament. Stay strong, Eve.

Yup.

@@e.a.jeanson2772Yes I will stay strong .. thank you .

I was taught to do this from birth, basically they can do whatever and I have to be understanding! Amazing how they do this. Even now my mom now 80 can complain about anyone she wants yet if I am upset with someone, it's you're too judgemental, you just hate x or y or z person or even group! You need to be more understanding of others! YET it's not true im just upset in the moment over someone's behaviours and she does this in a very passive aggressive judgemental way whenever she wants to. It's unbelievable! Turned me into a jellyfish and her into a know it all! This happens even if it's the same person we have a problem with!

THIS.

Most victims of narcissist abuse ends up developing social anxiety which makes them afraid to interact with others by fear of dealing with another narcissist so we need to make sure if people that seems unable to easily interact with others are covert narcissist or just narcissist victims who picked up some narcs traits.

@@rosettesionne9139 true, I've been on the end of all this toxicity and can act very insular

WOW hit the nail on the head for me with this one. When you really need it and they excuse themselves, it's so hurtful and painful ✌

Yep. Alwaze..we just keep trying 2 help them GET IT ? We CANT 🤣

You speak truth.

Thank you for your kind words. I was 20 years in; I’m 2 years out. I just broke the trauma bond and I’m starting the healing process.

Not out yet

Thank you ✨️

Got out 6 years ago after a long 27 years… now have acquired a narc in-law who is schooling me yet again on how to deal w these soul-suckers

@@sue-annericher2936 finally freeing myself

Bit harsh on a 4 year old don't you think ? Lol. At least with a child you can understand it and half expect it. They're learning and we teach them. As a grown ass adult, there really is no excuse

Oh yes very true

yap. same here. I didn't understand how come we are traveling in the most wonderful places - and he is miserable and complaining...

Don’t focus on the lost time. Focus on the time gained.

Same here, I’m 55 it’s only in the last couple of years I come to grips with this. There was always so much of her behaviour towards me that I just couldn’t make sense of, the triangulation with our mother, the lack of empathy which I attributed to years of antidepressants, the way I was never allowed to talk, that was only her prerogative, her confounding passive aggressiveness, her criticism of my character but always couched in ‘because I love and care and worry about you, yet if I have an accident or injury or illness it’s crickets from her and I feel punished and shamed. This has been a dreadful dawning for me recently, the cognitive dissonance astounding. In our family she has always been the good daughter, the deserving one, the needy one, the sick one, the terribly shy sweet introvert that wouldn’t hurt a fly and everyone must support and help and pity her. In 2019 I started to feel afraid of her and very angry and couldn’t understand why, now the scales fall from my eyes with every interaction and I feel such grief for the sister I’ve longed for and the realisation than for my own sanity I need to keep her at arms length

Same here ❤

How did you deal with this? I'm in the same position with my brother. I've just kept away so far. I feel so isolated though.

You NEVER ESCAPE the only person who is partly responsible for their Continued Barrage of OBliteration. You. This isn't a passive path. We all wish it was a casual path to healing.

Know the feeling all to well. A friend pointed out to me about 1 1/2 years ago that I may have been an empath. Did my research and it was like bingo🎉💡. It explained soooooooooo much about why I just wanted peace but would get slammed by a arrogant narc. Took me a while to work that out a number of years ago. Then the two personalities collide. I have little tolerance and being in a relationship for over 27 years is sad. The moment they dump you. Being the main bread winner and obviously main sucker , this was quite a nut punch . The emotional roller coaster of gaslighting bs is just so ridiculously childish . I hope to find someone I can actually openly discuss life with and enjoy without the “ talk to the hand “ garbage when issue need to be spoken about. More I can say but for now , just looking to move on since it seems to be the same heartless and emotionless act.

I just wanted peace but would get slammed 😅by a arrogant narc. 😮 wow Just O So Relatable 😂😢

Wow, am I reading about myself!! . I am an empath. And scapegoat in the family. Ira hard enough have that role In the family narcissistic people can smell you out. Sorry you have endured so much pain.

Have you left? How did it go? I’m going through the same thing. I’d like to hear your experience.

I fell down the stairs when my husband had freaked out and started arguing with me ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT. Then he proceeded to NOT EVEN CHECK TO SEE IF I WAS OK and went out to sleep in his car. All because I accidentally explored doing something sexually that apparently he felt insecure about (because he knew I had done it with his friend who I had dated many many years prior? This came out waaaaay later) I laid down at the bottom of the stairs, my body was fine but my emotions broken beyond explanation

Mine didn't take care of me when I had ( the first round ) COVID. My son and the rest of my family helped me through closed doors. My husband refused to come from Colorado and we live in Texas. My cat never left my side.

Same. I've been with my narc for 7 years and it's honestly so hard to put into words all the things he has done. I had a similar experience to yours where I slipped on steps outside and hit my head on a post and actually knocked myself out. I literally crawled back inside. He got mad because he was sleeping and when I told him what happened he pretty much told me I was stupid and it was my own fault. He will tell people that he's a millionaire because he's a lobster fisherman, yet he's lazy and hardly ever goes while I work 6 days a week and pay almost all the bills. He treats his adult children like garbage because he's jealous of them and it kills me because our 6 year old daughter right now is his golden child and the other 3 are the scapegoats but I know once our daughter gets older and starts to see what her father is he will discard her like he has his older kids. I'm a recovering addict and was clean for 5 years before we started dating and of course when we first got together I told him about my history of substance abuse. Almost everyday now he throws it in my face and calls me a junkie. I haven't touched a drug in 10 years, not hard drugs or even weed, I don't drink at all either. He is a heavy alcoholic and does recreational hard drugs and has a criminal record a mile long. He also has 4 domestic abuse charges from his previous relationships with his other children's mothers. It's honestly crazy making. The things that come out of his mouth and the things that he does is just insane and the fact that he really thinks it's okay.

When I was robbed and almost strangled being 15 years old, thé only thing that concernéd m'y mother was all her money that got stolen that belonged to her. I never received thé "how are you, m'y Daughter?" My clothes looked like I was severely beaten.

It’s unbelievable that they don’t see a problem with it

Became upset I was talking to other guys before we were officially dating, shamed me for it and was so cross with me that i apologized. Turns out he lied about talking to others despite telling me he wasn't and shamed me. He had multiple dates planned... Shamed me for a work collegue I used to be friends with and messed around with but parted ways with years before but he had his still in contact with... Called me out of my name, put me down out of nowhere. Yeah... F$ck these contemptuous self rightious freaks.

What about it? It's a fact of their life. You have to accept it and walk away; it is in all things useless to try to get them to see it. Hope that didn't sound critical or condescending; my disdain is only for the narc. But it's true. They'll only use it as ammo, because you're doubting their superiority and "implying" they're imperfect, broken, wrong. They never tire of the fight; they are defending their LIFE AND BEING, and they thrive on the negativity. It's a waste of your energy, better invested in things that are more mutually and personally fruitful. One of the first flags to me was that they have one set of rules for others, which allows folks nothing, and a completely opposite set of rules for themselves, which allows themselves everything. At your expense.

A ton of good points in this "Stop Defending Yourself To The Narcissist" (they are the embodiment of defensiveness) kzfaq.info/get/bejne/j8yPhNqmuaideI0.html

The absolute most frustrating part of it for me. I always said, if she held herself to the same standard she held me and others to, she would have a revelation.

Me too hunni, stay.strong ♥️

@@TheCatwoman2005 Thank you Catwoman2005 from another Catwoman100 at the other side of the world. How strange is that! Good luck to you and us Catwomen will always be strong ! Take Care. :)

I felt with a COVERT narrsissist for a VERY long time..I could write a book..the only thing I know for sure..is we DON'T have the same circle of friends.. He's done the ghosting think many.. many times..he's doing it a we speak.. LOL.. but I didn't care.. I've been healing for a very long time so I'm good..I did notice EVERY single time I needed him he was NEVER available..I'm 99% sure that he is.. your video is right on point..thank you 💜💚💙😄

That's true

COVERT = hidden Why is it important to find out if you are in a relationship with one? Because they can not easily change, and it is impossible to change them. So you will end upbanging your head against the wall, spending all of your effort/time, and it will go nowhere. 1.

Omg this!!!

Exactly, had this crazy argument enough in the past 🙄

Wow ! So true

I dont get it.why they dont realize that they are yelling?

Likewise 34 yr marriage 37 yr relationship all lies manufactured future all those years just to learn before I turned 50 he has no plans retirement with me he prefers 20 yr olds gross he’s almost 56 now. No contact 3 yrs now

Honey! You took your freedom 35 years too late. Love thy self 💕

it took me 13 years to figure it out

My ex stop at a new apt complex construction site at night and get me down the car just to step in front to the fence to tell me that he put a deposit in one of the apts. My response was "Ill believe it when I sign the papers" he gave me the look that we all know too well. LOL I was 25 at the time. My mom always teach me to never trust on what men said, only on what they do. Priceless knowledge!

@@reign6409 you sound a little narcissistic yourself. Funny that you’re on this page. 😂

Make sure to eradicate any M in what could be seen as S&M. Pure empath.s might also be magnets, so they must also be wise. If feel nervous, run !

That's exactly where I am. I realised it can only be ME. repeating patterns are sent for you to GET THE MESSAGE. If you aren't getting it, then you'll keep doing it until you do. It's the harshest of realities but a great lesson once you take responsibility for yourself and put the hard work in. I can sit here and blame my ex till the cows come home, but ultimately, it's me who allowed it. So it's me who has to change it. I'm sure on the road to healing, I'll be sent another, just to see how much I've learned. Setting healthy boundaries is a must. Good luck in your healing 💙

decent people get to know a person before they think all the psychology in the world will do it for them.

My mom does this to and I don't have to talk or respond and she can go on for hours. Talking about herself and if it's not about her she like sarasticly what's that got to-do with me. Ummm nothing it was funny But ya she didn't get the funny part.

Mine too!!!

Yup. My favorite "so anything new and exciting?" In a condensing tone from my mother after bitch about everyone around her for 20 mins then not listening to yoy

Same...frickn sucks. It's like I have no Mom. She used to be better, but has now taken on bad traits of my narc dad. He ruined her. I hate him

Valerie Conarroe,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

That's my mom, not remotely interested in my feelings or even my thoughts!✌

@@christianpulisic7784 not anymore!

@@bereal6590 it is really the worst feeling to not be acknowledged by someone you care deeply for.

Ignoring you, that's what they do, yes.

Three years is all it took for me. I dumped and ghosted her. Best decision I ever made.

Why won't my son leave person like that!

@@xenonorion8670 does he know what a covert narc is? And that she is one? I had never even heard of the disorder until years after I left my ex gf. She ticked 24 of the 25 boxes of these signs. Also he should know that covert narcs never change. Ever.

This scares me

The most funny thing is that most narcissists think the other one is a narcissist and look up video's to validate that point :)

The guy I married 34 yrs ago is covert narcissist I realized it 4 yrs ago in March he has every warning sign but I was clueless I had no idea why he was so mean to me I’d say why are u so mean he’d reply I was the mean one, he controlled everything, I chalked it up it’s who he is, he had secret life style of prostitutes escorts strippers even when we were dating, he wouldn’t allow us to share bank accounts, I found statements going back 10 years 100,000 he withdrew those years, apparently spent on whores and hidden savings account which I paid to find them , stupid lawyers wouldn’t press on it. Annoying ... and everything was my fault, funny in my 1985 memories book I wrote all we do is argue that never changed bc I was stupid or I didn’t know what I was talking bout , the constant gaslighting which I never heard of until learning he is NPD he lied in sex profiles I found telling women he divorced when he wasn’t.

That’s for sure. Shocking and appalling....

They do seem to prefer talking to 'em rather than people.

Sounds like my husband

@@jfb8552 I feel for you. I’ve wasted my life with this creep, please don’t do what I did. You’ll never be happy and you will be so angry with yourself !!!! Get up the courage to leave because it only gets worse.

I thimk they really believe that what they do to you is because your doing it to them! Its so twisted! Im surprised im not in a psychiatric ward from this relationship!

glad u got out of this one bro for u own well being n sainty

Your struggling because she programmed you too! It takes time to reroute the brain after such tampering! I’ve had years of multiple experiences and it’s only now I’m emerging from it! It’s because you did genuinely care! ❤️ Don’t be harsh on yourself! If it was a physical wound ( gunshot) you would understand if it took longer to repair because of infection!

Feel you so much, this is my pain too - the breakup feels wierd, but when I was with her I felt that the give and take was all off, she was totally OCD about her looks and negotiating me into paying for everything while she just bought creams and clothes and got stupid credit card debts. She also was unhappy if I ever had a good time with others, and smeared me with her friends, and triangulated against me with all sorts. When she couldn't do that(e.g. my family members) she then created massive drama and fights with them and insisted I back her on all of them, when I resisted she switched tactics and slowly poisoned me against them. Very intolerant and judgemental, behind closed doors about almost everyone she knew, but particularly people linked to me. When I tried to break up with her, she was so smug - "you can't, because you love me". I explained that we seemed to have different values, she still didn't believe it. I had to take distance. She was so angry it was shocking.

Yes-my mother and an Ex.At 50 I felt like being dragged 10 times through he'll and back. After understanding it all, I found an amazing healthy partner and I'm so different what I thought I was for all my life.

Trauma bond. It’s amazing how we bow down to them.

Im in same situation planing exit.

I hope you're ok, people!! 😊

They love trying to ruin birthdays and holidays

My ex (we still live together with our daughter) changed the brakes on my truck once in 2015. The same truck he totalled driving drunk w/no license? He did that one time when we first got together. He brings up that one brake change every other argument of proof that he's done so much! 😑

Very difficult to get out if you've got children. The crazy is so subtle and seems designed to drive you to escape at which point the narc then gets to be the victim whose ungrateful spouse just up and left him.. but alas he'll just shoulder his burden and carry on like the good soldier - and the whole world rallies round him, holding the sanity-seeker in contempt... because there are no visible signs of dysfunction or abuse. .

Me too

What is there to be embarrassed about? Be embarrassed if you don't grow from your experience, and you don't use the knowledge on this subject matter to better your life. There is nothing to be ashamed about. The enemy want to make you feel ashamed, but he is a lie. He have no power or authority over you in Jesus name.

@@susielove6012 No. Don't use that as an excuse. Staying with abusers only make it harder on the children. You will be doing them a favor by leaving, and going little to no contact with these individuals. They don't care about anyone or anything. They will and can destroy the people that love them in the process.

@@ladennayoung2939 Yes that is true. But a reasonable person may take years to recognize the abuse for what it is. And if it is not apparent to anyone else,it can seem prudent, sometimes for many years, to just absorb the abuse/crazy until the children have grown and moved on. To not denigrate the other parent as long as that parent is treating the children well, seems the least destructive path for them. It sucks, but divorce when it seems 'out of the blue' causes the kids to lose both parents. I'm not advocating staying. I'm illustrating the cloud of 'wth' that the target lives in which makes recognizing the reality for what it really is, very difficult.

I hope you will find joy and freedom after these relationships. Bless you!

ann stachniak,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

Ann stachniak,You deserves better 🙏

Stay strong ❤

😢

So right. Warning sign #1.

@@galefralin2886 Thanks for your sympathetic words. I’m glad it is all over now. May we all heal in peace and prosper!

Brilliant! The only exception is that at the beginning of the relationship, the love-bombing phase, they can fake empathy. After that though, it really isn't worth their time.

True that

Esiaa firstly sorry for the loss of your Dad. Yes your flatmate is a narcissist she stopped talking to you because your grief made you a poor narcissistic supply for her and she lacked the empathy to be a support to you. I once read a great analogy: Narcissists see people in the same way as they see a coffee maker, you are useful to them if you are a source of narcissistic supply (making coffee) but when you break down or are unwell and so no longer a supply you are discarded just a coldly as someone throws a broken coffee maker out. You sound like an empath which is a beautiful thing but it means you will be a magnet for these vile people as they will see your big kind heart and know you will be an excellent supply for them . I have attracted narcissistic people throughout my life and it’s only now in my mid 40’s that I have learned to walk away from anyway who makes me feel bad about myself. Remember narcissistic people are insecure people and stand taller by cutting the heads off of others. Don’t allow anyone to do that to you honey! 🤗🙋🏻

Sorry for your loss and the loss to your family. This happened to me as well. If they think you’ve inherited anything it can change their perception of the balance of power and you might attract a new narcissist but you’ll just as quickly lose an old one (who thinks they’re no longer better than you). What was SO ridiculous about that to me when I really looked at it and finally figured it out was that it wasn’t like having more shit maybe wasn’t already what had made me good association-supply all along. They are SO low. It’s ultimately your (very) good fortune to be free of them, but not exactly a favor that they blow up the bridge with you on it on their way out. This one just picked a completely radonkalonk issue to feign insult over, so manufactured the devaluation to justify the discard. I think that shit was something like two weeks after saying “you’re very dear to me”, too, lol. I made sure to point that wonky dearness out when I asked how much money the threshold actually was to be better... like just how petty was the perception and was I thought to have exceeded that by multiples or just made the cut. It pisses me off so badly now that I do understand it but was at the time deeply wounding that someone I trusted would compound my grief into devastation that way when I was trying to figure out how to even grieve what I was yet to learn had been an abusive narcissistic father and already did not have the support of a narcissistic mother who had hopped onto me and back off like a flea around that time as well. My understanding about what she had always really been was only just starting to happen then also. The only other treachery I’d known already that this was lacking was that this was not a coordinated effort between them, because she’d certainly done plenty of those at other times with friends and partners and even a potential business opportunity. Previously when I looked up martyr complex nothing led me to narcissism (and maybe that was some sort of function of her being covert and my not clicking the link that would have told it), because I definitely had wondered WTF. One of her greatest hits 15 years prior that bitch came to my (vacation rental) house when I’d tried to share my joy with her and do something nice asking her and my grandmother out to the beach…but I never saw her throwing her monumental meltdown tantrum as intended to drive away the person who’d wanted to do something good with me (at least I think so who knows that could’ve been another conjob too, but I was excited about something that she made sure I’ll never know) and it absolutely did.... then of course there were several other similar realizations from my entire lifetime of experience with her right after that. What I came to realize is it was not about any particular dollar amount or degree of favor as it does not matter if they have actually 100 times more than you THEY WILL STILL ENVY AND WANT TO DESTROY ANY SINGLE THING YOU HAVE THAT THEY DO NOT because they are more depraved than even the biggest imaginable pieces of shit. If you have suspicions about someone it’s best I think to err on the side of caution because the fact is narcissists live in that gray area which is the exception and benefit of doubt.

That's the point. You didn't do anything wrong. When you're dealing with someone that dysfunctional, it's not you That's causing their behavior. THEY are causing their behavior.

I think they start an argument with you *because* you're upset. My wife (24/24 of these by the way) goes out of her way to *make* me upset, then criticises the fact that I'm upset, and how dare I not lavish her with praise and attention right now. She'll actually berate me for yet again not giving her the hugs and tenderness she needs immediately, says I'm failing her, she's told me so many times what I'm meant to do. And I'm thinking you've just been abysmal to me, I don't want to be in the same room as you, why is this my fault? If I try to walk out the room, my goodness the rage. It's called emotional sabotage. Darn, I've just started shaking, this is obviously still a bit raw for me.

Woah--that's so interesting...And sad. How do people deal with this sort of thing?

@@hannahb5385 compulsive liars do that don't entertain them or give them information. Smile say that's nice leave.

Woahhh true. 🤔 Its like click bait feeling. 😭

My ex used to say something hurtful that he knew I'd react to, then acted like I was horrible for saying anything negative to him.

She need to stop dealing (interacting) with him then. She don't owe him anything, just because he is her brother. Smh.

I discovered mine is like that. :(. I don't know what to do :(

@@Sunshine_str Educate yourself with resources like this one. Dr. Ramani Duvursula, Dr. Todd Grande, Dr. Les Carter and Angie Atkinson are some other you can check out, too. The more you know, the less you can be manipulated. Best of luck to you!!!

@@nacarreira777 thank you. I want out, but it's impossible :( I am educating myself. Thank you and good luck to you, too!

@@Sunshine_str I am stuck presently, too. Thanks for the well wishes!

@@nacarreira777 I'm so sorry :( It's hard. Everyone around me thinks I'm so lucky to have him cause he appears very meek and financially generous :/... I hope you can find strength. If you need to talk, let me know.

I'm so glad you got through that and didn't condemn you and your child to a lifetime of abuse! Now you can raise your baby the way you want to and spare her all that confusion and dysfunction. AND, like you are now, you can be a help to other women who are in such a situation and are confused and hurting and taking on the terrible things the narcissist is planting in their hearts and minds about themselves. You go, girl!

Oops, I called your son "her". Sorry!

Bless you for encouraging others here!

!!! Should. Please. Politics as well!!!

Yes PLEASE

these places r convenient cover-ups for the Mask benevolence. Hypocrites who luv to Act as if ....

Oh yes. Good one

Also doctors surgeons lawyers n police men. Top 5 careers of a narc including church official.

Tina Kelly,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

You are not alone

You were wise to get out of that relationship relatively quickly. Many people waist decades of their life. I had a similar situation. After 3 years I kicked her to the curb and got on with my life. Best thing I ever did. It took me years to finally find the covert narcissist diagnosis. I had never even heard of it before. But sure enough she checked 24 of the 25 boxes.

@@xavierbreath2227 stoked for you as well that you left. It’s such a tough thing to do because they get you so jammed up with all these bad thoughts and info. Couldn’t be happier to be out and not questioning myself as much anymore. My ex definitely fit the bill of a covert narc on top of that is an alcoholic and I tell you that’s one hell of a combo to try and work with.

@@2008yz250f4ever for what it’s worth i have learned to focus on my freedom gained rather than my freedom lost. You learned your lesson as did I. Now go live your life. As you already know, being an empath is a blessing.

my ex would say..."i'm really in tune with my emotions and i can read people easily"...afterward i realized that she was good at reading people to exploit and abuse them not care for them.

Amen .... and YES you are blessed with those lovely kids 💚💙💗

Wow. When i told my ex-husband that my mother died, he sang Ding dong the witch is dead! I despised her, also a narc, but still...

@@siobhanmerrill5730 How awful for him to say that to you. It's not his place and it certainly wasn't the time to say it. I'm sorry for your loss even if you despised her, it's still a loss and it's still hard.

I’m so sorry... grieving is already hard enough

Bless you, dear.

Very true. I've seen my Nazi Overt & Covert, criminal* bros. switch Roles! 😱 Both 'Drams Queens' as last ditch efforts, to CONTROL (me further,) the Witness! Good thing they "$elf-$abotaged" & Burnt* their own Trumb@$$es! Although, as a widow, with "c-PTSD," now; their "Losing" Mom's Home really HURT$!! It must've been a NARC WAR of Blaming each other, (& me 😭)!! Our female, (D) Probate Judge, (who *knows Everything,* & I, presume, / my useless PPO, after the Insurrection; w/ more INFO I couldn't access,* after the Covert's INJURY to me + game of 'Tag-Team' Domestic Terrorism, as well,) will Not be very impressed! (And, w/ All that I Plan to Request of her Court.) These $icK "M.F.'ers" MUST be "brought down" from the Grass-roots Up, too!!

They occillate between the 2. It's a behavior not a type of narcissist.

Bingo!

My ex did almost the same. We got married but never told that to anyone,colleges,friends,not even to his family until I did. After a year we got divorced and so he didn’t have to tell it again,bc nobody knew about the previous marriage!

@@Angel-lg9ez oh wow, I’m so sorry! It feels so crappy when they keep you a secret like that. It’s terrible.

Sometimes it feels like I’m only in 1 compartment, left out of many other compartments of life/friends. I’m separated from the other ones & it’s super lonely:(

Moonie now I’m ok. Just found out he’s already love bombing a new victim.....so fast. The real issue is that I left Italy to move and live with him in USA ; the new victim is Italian too and he’s using the same tactic again....and she’s gonna fall into his net like I did. History repeating !!!!!

Omg while I was reading this I'm reminded of when my ex SO told me that he really wants me to meet his bestfriend and there was this certain time I texted his best friend, he never replied to me until now. So yeah, I can relate. But he did show me pics and gave me his best friend's number. We were in a LDR.

Female Therapists in general are very bad at spotting female narcissism against male victims and usually enable the victim’s capitulation to the narcs .Doesn’t surprise me that it took so many but I’m glad you ran into a good therapist! It is really a game changer!

Yes! The bathroom, although if he wanted to he just pick the lock or break the door. So only time for me was when he ever slept or when he was at work! Never thought i would even be around a person like that but he spent 4 years cementing my love. I hope for people to watch and read the warning signs early.

Girl. Yes. Spot on. ❤

I'm so happy to hear my videos have helped you and even happier to hear you're in a great place now ❤🙏

@@CommonEgo thank you! Also, is it normal to question if you (the person who left the relationship) is a narcissist? Every once in a while I question if I was that person all along and then feel worried.. I know we all have some narcissistic qualities but the thought pops up randomly.

@@leilah6590 so common! I have a video that covers that topic in depth. There are a lot of reasons why we may think this

Congrats! Hope you are living your best life ✨

My ex, while never threatening to cheat on me, flat out told me that he could always go find other women if I didn’t want to be with him. This was after I expressed shock that he suddenly just announcing out of nowhere that we were once again dating after him ghosting me for months on end. I was just shocked.

@@runningwithscissors1564 I think it just goes to show how little they value people. We tend to internalize and blame ourselves first but if you step back and see their morals and values when it comes to relationships and people, to just start to see that they don’t love people at all. People are just replaceable and disposable to them.

Now what are you going to do?

"but it was never enough" - indeed, because the need is not what can be given, but to abuse.

Is there any possibility you could move (far) away? It wasn't until I was in my early 30s that I realized and decided my father didn't deserve to have me as a daughter and broke off all communication. Only saw him extremely infrequently at family events it was important to me to attend. I was always coldly polite and walked away right away, avoiding any possibility of having to converse with him. The trick is to deeply and truly not care about how they feel about you or what they think of you. And not to care about what others think about you for avoiding this person, including not attending a big family celebration for a big "landmark" birthday, and even their funeral. Good luck.

@@sballantine8127 It wasn't until my therapist told me that "Your mother is so toxic & clearly covertly narcissistic that you're going to have to sever all ties with her" before I ever considered & started breaking off all communication with her. I have no doubt that covertly narcissistic parents realise the social pressures put on us to love our parents unconditionally no matter how terribly they treat us that they take advantage of us & use it as a manipulative tool to harm us further. Indeed, learning to truly & deeply not to care when they inevitably feign the victim & try to make us out to be the ungrateful & mean child of theirs is VERY important.

It is so much more difficult when it is your parent as opposed to a wife/gf/husband/bf. Completely different dynamic. Plus they had complete dominion over you in your formative years. If you think therapy can help you, I would look into it. You have to take care of YOU. If that means ending your relationship with your Mother or keeping her at a distance, so be it. But only you can make that call. One thing I never hear about covert narcissists is “they changed for the better” or “overcame their disorder”.

I had a 30-year relationship. 10 years dating off and on, and 20 years living together. Until the emotional pain was so great (@ 27 years), I had no idea about narcissists. As I attended EMDR/CBT trauma therapies, I began to figure out the toxic ex’s behavioral patterns. The cyclical nature of the “discussions” (disagreements) we had, the silent treatments, the never-ending kvetching about this or that person, the total UNHAPPINESS concerning his life. Almost all of the 25 points you listed were descriptions of the ex’s nature/behaviors. Those behaviors became worse as he aged. I’m glad to have been no contact for the past 3.5-plus years. Healing my part in the relationship has been challenging, yet worth the effort. Blessings!❤️

Heck yeah😫.....just realized 2 long-term female friends are covert.....their photos could be next to video

Yes. Work colleague who love bombed me in a really odd way! She fluctuates between grandiosity and zero self-esteem. Took me 3 years to work her out. As you say, until you know, Narcissism is the last thing you expect. She is full of suppressed anger and envy.😠🤐

My sister.

@@nryaneThis is an inspiring testimony. Thank you for sharing.🙏💖

Mnalotus 1991,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

I had the same exact thought “I cannot believe these type of people are real.” I didn’t know cruelty like that without reasons