Loneliness: it is interesting that loneliness is now rated as a real and serious risk to your health with increased rates of depression, suicide, reduced ability to fight off illness, dementia, etc. I have tried living by myself. NOT a good idea for me. The longer I was alone, the more powerful the AVPD got and the more i was pulled down into the mind games of AVPD. The only thing that prevented suicide was (literally) a hooker who cared and talked me through the holiday season when I was 62. By the way, a BIG warning. I am a survivor of suicide (my wife). After living through it, I realized that we are all just ripples in a pond and everyone goes on. That makes suicide easier to consider as a way out. What I have learned in the last year (now 72) is exactly what Jake is talking about. Small steps. For me, I first had to learn to recognize when AVPD was in control. Everything I say or do when AVPD is in control SEEMS perfectly normal TO ME. When I am not near (in time) to a trigger, I feel and view social interactions pretty much the same way everyone else does. That was may have been hardest for my daughters to understand. Not understanding the changes in me that occur as AVPD takes control, I never realized what was happening. Now I recognize AVPD when it starts to stir. My 1st small step was getting back into therapy. My next was when AVPD starts to stir, I consciously and simply tell "it" and myself that I was not going to go down that road. From my experiences, the biggest key to dealing with AVPD is having at 1 person who understands and can warn you when AVPD starts to change your behavior. Right now, for me, it is the therapist who does not hesitate to tell me when I am going off the "deep end". Jake, you can count me in if you get that group going. David

HI, Jake! Good video. In my case, having been subject to relentless parental control and criticism, led me to fear and be overly concerned about public exposure and impression management. As AVD individuals, we have an unwillingness to reach out unless there is massive evidence that it is safe to take the risk. Practicing eye contact and reminding yourself you are an interesting person and a good person will eventually lower your inhibitions and allow you to be less protective of your imagined shortcomings. But you know that already. So many logical points in this video! You are focused on the right things. CHEERS!

It feels so good to hear somebody talk about this. I feel so misunderstood often times. I would like to know how you deal with looking in the eyes of the other person while thinking and speaking at the same time. Because its so hard for me to think, while looking at a person who is staring at me

It’s amazing the progress you’ve done, don’t give up and keep doing what your doing. Many people care about you even people that don’t know you want you to do better. I got to your channel because of my son he is 17 and we don’t have en exact diagnosis but I feel he has a lot of trades of Avpd. It’s been a difficult journey but watching your videos has giving me a lot of hope that he will succeed and be happy at the best of his abilities.

Wow, this video is exactly what I'm going through right now too. Thank you for this open reflection. I'm currently going to therapy, and I'm quite sure that I have AvPD. Here in England I am being referred to a specialist in personality disorders to see if I actually do have it. I never considered myself lonely, as I actually like being alone, but recently I have been yearning more for social interaction and often fantasising about it too. I write poetry on Instagram to help express myself, and that's my only form of social interaction.. which is not much at all. I'm wanting to write a poetry book about living a life of solitude. I will be buying your book from Amazon 👍🏻

hey jake, I found your channel through the video "Diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder (Avpd)". There are hardly any videos where those affected by this disorder talk about it from their point of view (Understandably) First of all, I would like to thank you for that. 🙏 Unfortunately, I have not received a diagnosis, but I am 100% sure that I have this personality disorder. My therapist has told me there is a good chance I have this disorder, however I have only been diagnosed with social phobia so far. As a child, I was already different from the others. Ever since I was a child, I've actually always been excluded from other children and people made fun of me for many more years (from kindergarten to the 8th grade), that must have been the trigger. I think people knew my weak point and therefore took advantage of me. They knew better. To this day I can't say "no" to Strangers, or classmates. I have scraps of memory from criticism I received when I was 6 years old... I was called ugly by a random group of guys half a year ago. At least I think they meant me... I'm always so easily attacked that I'm paranoid. (I actually got screened for PPD too, but never got the result because I left the clinic early) This condition is killing me. I always have to compare myself to other people, try to find strengths in myself, but I only see my weaknesses. I quitted school last year in november and doing nothing since, Just waiting for my time to therapy or that Something bad will happen. I broke off a friendship today (my first, only one in 13 years) because it didn't feel right to have a friendship as I've lived without one for 13 years and feel like I don't deserve any at all. This problem got so close to me that I actually wanted to end my life at the beginning of this year and came to a closed clinic for a short time. To this day I still have these suicidal thoughts because of this personality disorder and it's only getting worse. Every time I receive negative criticism, suicide is the first thought that comes to mind as a solution. AVPD is underestimated and it's really sad to know that this disorder is/wasn't researched as well as other personality disorders. I wish you a good recovery and a lot of strength :) Greetings

thanks for these vids man

I dont have AvPD but I noticed just by your thumbnails how much you have progressed.

Dear Jake, thank you for sharing your story, I am sure you are a big support for a lot of people. You finally made me realize what is going on with my loved one and it really touches me on a very deep level. I feel sorry because now I realize under how much pressure I put him at times. I now know that it’s not me that he isn’t sure of or the relationship. It’s himself on a profound level. I feel stupid for not having connected the dots earlier especially since I am a therapist myself. But I guess I was too much caught up in my own pain of loving him so much but at the same time feeling that distance that didn’t make sense to me. Well now it does and I hope there is still a way to turn this around and find a way to be with him without giving up my own needs. Thank you again and bless you!🙏

Good video and good luck😊

Start with speaking to people at the grocery store! “Hello! How are you? Nice shirt! It’s been so hot lately, huh?!” Eye contact is hard for me too, but if you just try, then people can see you. Man! Women actually want to date you because you seem nice! No one is good at it with new people! We are trying to learn about them! It is naturally a little awkward!

Always been terrible at eyecontact to the point i thought i might be autistic or it be an adhd thing. i realised i did it too little or sporadically but after I noticed i ended up sometimes looking at people too much because i dont know whats natural or appropriate ever, i wing it dependant on who im around, if the other person requires no eye contact i wont do it as.much as someone who does. Or its also.dependant.on how.i am feeling at the time. Im guessing its also connected to shame and hiding things about ourselves, so we wont want to 'leak' or express through eye contact either. I used to have to tell people how j felt in the dark lols. Didnt suppose this one would come up as an example 😂

Hate to not have any indepth thoughts in regard to this topic yet but stayed up all night so running on no brain juice anyway I like listening to your voice I'm wondering if you are from Arkansas? I can't pinpoint the accent

Hello Jake! The strategies that you mentioned to cope with loneliness aren't they what a CBT therapist would suggest? I remember in your first videos you had told that CBT didn't work for AvPD. I assume that now after a lot of work with yourself you are much more susceptible to CBT and other approaches! ❤

Off topic, you’re really cute

Sometimes we over think things you need to find a hobby feel the fear and do it anyway try to stop over analysing things stop being too self aware use headphones when out in public take a book with you when you go out get a job in a cafe or food place join a gym do exersise take your mind off thinking do deep breathing exercises do distraction exercises bring fun into your life lifes too short stop putting labels on yourself your just human and flawed like everyone else in the world try and be interesting learn to find out about orher people ask questions look interested other people are shy nervous anxious too go to a concert get a life before its too late and you get to my age 44 and realise your life has gone get hobbys now!! Then you wont have time to think....stop thinking altogether try meditation try to laugh at yourself and try not to take your life too seriously has anybody told you life is short??? Its over in a blink of an eye.. self absorbtion needs to Stop.