Great stuff! Congratulations! The discord group is a great idea!

This is great! Good luck on this and the Discord group.

You are awesome! Thank you so much for making this video. I suspect I have AVPD. I have already been diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD. It sucks. But I just wanted you to know I watched your video from start to finish and I think you're a really cool person, despite what the voice in your head tells you. You are helping so many people by sharing your story and it's such a brave thing to do. Will definitely be watching more of your vids. Thanks again!

I was on partial outpatient about the same time. I thought it was going good but once it’s over you’re done at least where I’m at so I’m right back where I started.

Thank you. I’ve masked my issues for years but after a large amount of life changes in a short amount of time I’ve been unable to get it back under control. Adult life has been more difficult especially with relationships. Unfortunately it’s hard to explain to others. Thank you again.

I'm thinking about trying antidepressents because I've not had refreshing sleep in years.

Good job man. I think I’m a high functioning AV, but as with most of us avoidants, it spills into all areas of my life. If I had to write an autobiography, I would call it ‘Barely Functional’; as my relationships and career are very much inhibited by my (undiagnosed) disorder. I’ve always struggled to hold down jobs due to the fear of being criticised and shamed in the workplace, so seek positions that aren’t too challenging. With relationships I always opt for casual arrangements or impossible ones that I know will not work out, thus protecting myself from the shame of opening up and exposing my dysfunctional personality in all its glory. The stuff about fantasising really resonated with me too. I got incredibly excited about the idea of writing a sitcom about my life recently, to the point that I was actually telling people I was going to write it, despite my lack of creativity and flare for writing. When I came to, I abandoned the idea immediately lol. Relationships are the most difficult thing of course, with guilt being a constant factor as I tend to ignore friends and avoid social interaction with my nearest and dearest. I’m oddly more comfortable interacting with complete strangers as I find the experience less exposing due to the inherent superficiality of fleeting encounters. I’ve been in a relationship, which I’m still trying not to label, for about four months now, and just as we’re on the cusp of making things official, I feel tempted to push her away as I’m petrified of all the social aspects (and thus suffering) that this relationship is going to involve. I don’t wanna put either of us through that. Anyway, to be a bit more positive, my most recent job (in telephone triaging) has helped me in reducing my fear of criticism from others as the job involves regular appraisals with my manager and regular audits which is desensitising me to receiving feedback. It also feels good to be helping people over the phone within an accepting and empathetic workforce. I’d recommend such a job for yourself if you’re still battling with the idea of getting back to work. All the best dude.

I'm struggling with self-harm and my mental health my mom therapist and psychiatric don't think I need to go to the hospital for treatment and I have been Inpatient since I was 15 years old and now I am 21 years old but I am a special needs adult so my mom is over my medical distinction

Is it just me or when my dad tells me to find something in the garage I can never find it because I’m probably to stress out of thinking I’m gonna look dumb again cause the tool is right in front of my face

Making something like this, given the ailment you are suffering from, is nothing short of heroic. Be proud. I am like you, where just typing this comment in a public forum is painful, and let me tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, your strength is undeniable. Hero.

As I watch more, I think our disorder feels a lot like we're allergic to society's bullshit, if that makes sense. Like in a deep dark way. We're just not able to take in bullshit and clear it like others can. We're too authentic and not willing or able to put ourselves through all this made-up shit that we face every day. It's literally sickening.

I have the misfortune of relating to this extremely closely. I'm not sure it would do any good to get diagnosed at this point in my life, but I should look into it. I feel you, buddy. I'm 42, and my life has been hard for seemingly no reason to anyone else, but this.....

It’s a living HELL. The worst mental curse you can ever be given… has anyone considered microdosing magic mushrooms? Many say doing this rids you of anxiety.

Very informative! I was diagnosed with the same thing but honestly didn’t know much about it. Thank you!

You said about friends at the beginning and it got me thinking. I've never consciously 'made' friends either! I rarely refuse to communicate, but I have NEVER taken the initiative myself. Now this is a little easier because I’ve worked on myself, but it’s a shame that I missed so many opportunities.

You have good reflection, but I think this is generally characteristic of people like us. I also delved into this topic for a long time and realized that at the heart of everything is the fear of being 'rejected'.

Good luck with therapy Jake. I fully understand how you feel. I'm 54 years old and I wish I'd had as much self awareness as you have when I was your age. I know how painful it can feel to interact with people. I'v been in therapy for 10 years and it hasn't really done much for me other than make me very aware of how a lifetime of avoidance has resulted in a life full of dysfunction. The only way I can see out of my circumstances is to do what I fear. Easier said that done.

Why does it make you feel like crap when you actually tried to do something but not when you give up n not do anything. If you're so anxious get off the internt and stop looking for feedback that is dangerous n unhealthy. You're not being as helpful to others as you may think or say. Certainly some but also you are creating an entire society looking fork e.m validation in all the wrong places..if you do another video please let is know what people even professionals recommended for youbn what you tried. The answer is not getting n doing things that tuy succeed at but failing and seeing that the world doesn't end n you can get up again after falling.

Im curious what you're family says n what their role is in this.

Maybe you like talking but not listening to other people bc you're only interested in your own thoughts and experiences.. practice listening to others and taking the focus off of yourself..even therapy after awhile and without anything else is way too self focused for some people..btw didnt notice you stuttering at all.

You keep labeling everything super awkward or super anxious and telling yourself that you will remember something thay almost has happened to so many people as something you'll never forget or get over is part of the problem. This is what yiu need to get counseling for. I can't help but wonder what younger people today think older people did in the past. Its as if they are the only ones who experience Life. i really recommend getting out of your bubble n connecting with people who have overcome things. These videos while may seem helpful in some ways without any remedies or solutions just create more people self diagnosing themselves and wallowing.

Unless you are suffering immensely n no hope in sight just make the decision that you are going to live. Like you have no choice but to live. Just take that option off the table as it will always hold you back. You cant live fully whatever that is for you with one foot in the grave n the other out. Im not here to tell you to live n you have value etc ss i dont want to encourage more people to seek attention on social media. You need connection with real people in real life this is just the fast food version ofl life. Please make real connections,do things you like n get counseling for any real troubles that hold you back.

So far im 21 min in n no disrespect to this man bc bis feeling are likely real or mostly real but this is a big reason why so called anxiety disorder are spreading. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. This is almost everyones life. Nobody does not have rhese feeling to various degrees even rhe people who are really attractive or have money or super smart...whateve society values. You have no other option but to push through some even alot of this n their is a comfort over time on the other side. Help other people one on one or go to places where people are dealing with real ongoing problems and it really dies just put your problems in perspective but gets the focus off of yourself n that itself reduces your anxiety. You say avoidant attachment and give yourself stigmatizing labels that yiu likely don't even have n by extension make other impressionable teens think they have this. Pick a few things to work on n just work on accepting yourself and others. Life is short.

I wish you so well. I hope you have so many more good days than bad and you have support. I’m on a waitlist for another therapist which I’m happy about. I hope you get free of any situations that are weighing you down. Love your videos btw

Just wanted to say you’re so brave! I get anxious typing comments 😂 I have ‘high functioning’ if you can call it that. I just thought I had social anxiety - and when I was even younger I just strongly believed I was defective. When I got diagnosed with social anxiety I felt like I’d been given a lifeline and I could breathe a little (because it was normal to be the way I was with social anxiety). Anyhoo it’s great to hear other AVPD people talk about their experience because it’s an isolating experience in all respects and it’s nice to feel not alone. I did a lot of CBT and it helped me achieve some goals but the feeling of worthlessness never goes away and continues to impede fuller happiness and growth.

Thanks for sharing your story. Can I ask, you seem quite knowledgeable on your own history, as if you have processed it in therapy. Are you still experiencing these AvPD symptoms as much, assuming you've processed your story? Does the anxiety/depression not subside?

Lightbulb moment. Jake I have been watching your videos to save my relationship with my APD partner and DPD shed huge light. Hadn't heard of it before. Thank you!

You just described my ex situationship😢 to the T, and he lied about everything.

it sounds like the torture school system played a significant roll in this issue. there are better ways to develop social skills

you should hear ollie Matthews talk about a son husband. you describe this in ypur videos

so your mother treated like you were being a lousy husband 🫡

i feel infuriated and disgusted by parents who foster this for the being they brought here. thank you for sharing

Your extremely cute 🥰. You have so much to give … don’t close yourself out !!!:) Your going to waste your life & potential hiding out. Stop telling yourself “ you can’t “ YES YOU CAN !!!! Believe in YOURSELF!!! You can !!! I believe in YOU

Isn't avoidant personality disorder simply a form of PTSD? FYI the neurodevelopmental disorders are simply pseudoscience. There's no real biological proof of these. All psychiatric disorders are pretty arbitrary and merely descriptive of symptoms from causes. They don't really help. You know you - focus on your own history. You hold the truth.

omg you explained those feelings really well 😭 i have all of these symptoms down to the addicting daydreaming as a coping mechanism for "fullfiling" my inferiority. but idk how to articulate it if i were to explain it to others. i struggle with my communication skill as well. i might just show them this video if somebody asks me my issues lol

Its seems you are talking about my childhood Thank you for sharing with us. Very helpful thank you 🙏

Thank you so much for your help. It means a lot to me🙏🙏🙏

I don’t know if this is continuous with AvPD but I’ve been watching a lot of videos on it and I need to get this off my chest: I find it hard to let go and relax into the moment, I’m always alert, always scanning, always assessing the threat. I don’t believe anyone likes me on a deep level and if people knew what went on in my head, they would steer clear of me. I hate myself more than anyone could ever possibly hate me because I alone know the darkness and the emptiness and the selfish and self destructive nature in me. I don’t know what love really is. I have an idea, a concept, a feeling based on the various media I’ve engaged with over the years but I don’t know what it means to really let go in another person because I feel like I’m so far gone, and there isn’t really anyone inside anymore or atleast anyone worthy of human interaction. But I do believe I have value. I do self sabotage myself in that, I often will do certain actions that will draw my competence into question. I hate praise but I crave it. And underestimation makes me hunger to prove people wrong about me. But I do make mistakes as well, in trying to cover all angles, I unwittingly leave certain areas open to exposure and questioning that I had not planned on. And I get angry because I hadn’t rehearsed the management of the fallout from being discovered in disrepute. I would do anything for the people that I care about the most - I think this is probably performance. I want to be remembered as a good man who gave himself for his family/loved ones but really I harbour a deep desire to die and be free of this constant state of unease and tension. I thought that I could free myself of these feelings by entering a relationship especially with you. I thought I would be validated by doing every and anything my fiancée asked of me. And it works, to an extent, and then because I can’t reciprocate asking her to fulfill my needs, I build up such anger and resentment but not of her. Of me. I can’t ever let on that I need anything. I’ve learned to be almost entirely self sufficient but crave something from another that can never be named, but I expect them to know what it is. I always felt passed over or the lesser of two when compared. I have no real self confidence, it’s all fake conjecture to mask the scared little boy inside. I avoid getting close because there’s no one to get close to or atleast the person inside is emotionally malnourished and deficient and perhaps a monster. All of my heroes are strong men that superseded themselves because I believe that I can be so much more but really I hold a deeply myopic view of the world and people. From afar, I can make myself appear normal but upclose I know everyone can see that I’m a freak. But as I said before, for those that I see as under my protection, regardless of any issues between us, you have my utmost attempt at support. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do in the hope it may gain me some redemption. Certain historic events I can remember is the fear my father instilled in me and the feeling that he preferred everyone else over me. I always found it hard to make friends, moving around probably didn’t help. I always felt like my cousins and I were just ever so slightly different though they all seemed to be United. I felt at the heart of my parent’s unhappiness and dissatisfaction. I don’t believe any of those things as an adult but I am who I am now. At school, I remember being friends with two girls and building a nest for rabbits on a Friday and on Monday when school started again, the nest was ruined and I recall them laughing and rejecting and blaming me for it. My confidence never really returned after that especially with women. I’ve always felt the opposite sex to be repulsed by me. And rightfully so. Feelings aren’t something I recall being validated at home. But I was never particularly bad albeit some stealing but never violence albeit I would lash out at my siblings when they wouldn’t listen to me and was quite mean at times. Now my siblings and I aren’t as close as we should be although on some levels we’re closer. I have no friends I’ve grown up with. Everyone leaves apart from the equally broken/dependents I’ve met along the way. Those of a higher status, rightfully leave and seldom look back. I wish I could leave myself and never look back. My revenge has always been to steel myself and mask my anger or irritation and look for chinks in the armour of others. My father loves and loved me, I know that although I know partly the abandonment I feel from him explains my behaviour somewhat but he was also broken early on resulting from being a child in the war. Could I say I would have come out of his experiences without beating such deep and painful scars emotionally and psychologically? I doubt it. He only wanted to make us strong and to know ourselves. I do have high standards and expectations for others and allow myself to evade the same rules. The moment people falter, I tend to distance myself. I want perfection but I’m incapable of ever securing it and why try? Someone else will only do things better. Ever since I learned to wear the mask- things did improve but the feeling of rotting inside has only grown stronger over the years. I’m stuck with this decay.

If you had avoidance personality disorder you wouldnt make the video

Hi, I'm a 45-year old Japanese guy. I have recently found out the possibility that I am suffering from AvPD" and now I am certain that I am. I have been suffering from depression and Agoraphobia, but some traits of mine have not been explained with the two disabilities. I came across the term "personality disorder " through the struggles to speak properly with others without feeling judged or criticized. I have been learning English for a long time but have been unable to speak. I have presumed that it is just because of the shyness. But that didn't explain everything because I feel under pressure even when I speak Japanese. Everything came out crystal clear when I happened to get to the term "Avoidant Petsonality Disorder. " It let me get a sigh of relief at the same time of feeling isolated. Watching your video let me feel I am not the only one who is suffering from the same disability. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Off topic, you’re really cute

Wow thank you for sharing. You are so eloquent.

12:14 omfg I never thought anyone would feel this too I thought I was the only one literally

I'm so happy I found this

I had no idea fantasies were an AVPD thing. This has been my main coping mechanism for my whole life. I can think of periods of months where I did almost nothing but sit on my bed staring at the wall, talking to myself. In school, I’d imagine “rescuing” girls or starting the nerd uprising or becoming a rock star etc and these things got me through those years. Some days I can barely see real life. Also the death part. I would imagine other people’s sympathy at first as well. Over time it became a way to remind my nervous system that the anxiety it was feeling was not infinite. If all else fails, that’s an option. Picturing it would ease some of the agitation. I’m not diagnosed but I’m looking into this because I’m struggling with a lot of these symptoms, thanks for the info.

this helps a lot! get outta my head!

I think i was just dating an avoidant. This is very helpful. I hope you and him both heal

I relate SO much to EVERYTHING you said in this video. I'm wanting to get evaluated for AvPD. I haven't been able to work for about a decade now and am currently living with my parents again at 43. Family members go to the store for things I need, or I order it online and either have it delivered or use the curbside pickup option. Getting gas is also something I struggle with, so much so that I actually drive an extra 30 minutes to my preferred gas station because the ones closer have card scanners that tend to malfunction which forces me to pay inside and the mere possibility of having to go in and talk to the cashier and other customers fills me with dread. I'm dreading the evaluation process, but I've filed for disability once and been denied. It was a 6 month process to apply which required me to talk to multiple people multiple times, which was very stressful. I appealed the denial and was denied again. The next step was to go to court and appeal it to a judge face to face. Nope. So I don't see how I can get on disability for my situation without a diagnosis, and I need the income since I can't work and my family isn't able to support me forever. ... You were talking about your brain making up for a nonexistent ego by creating fantasies. Something you might look into is called maladaptive daydreaming. I do this. Basically, I have established, made up characters and scenarios in my mind that I frequently interact with in my imagination. It's a coping mechanism, but it's also something that I don't fully control. I use it to process emotions and problem solve, but it's also an escape and a kind of substitute for real life relationships that I don't have. If things are too stressful I'll slip away to a fantasy about being someone else going on an adventure to avoid feeling negative emotions. I'll also have conversations or arguments with imaginary versions of people in my real life. It's weird and complicated, but I've done it since I was a child. In any case, I related my maladaptive daydreaming to what you said about using fantasies to cope. Thank you for your video. It was very validating. I know this video is a couple years old. I hope you're doing well.

Autistic here. I'm already diagnosed with autism and it seems I'm about to be diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder (yes, they can be comorbid). A note about autism and AvPD is that a key part to tell them apart is the onset of traits. Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, so a child can already show traits, whereas AvPD (and personality disorders in general) have their onset in adolescence or early adulthood.