Wow. Deep Truth!

Really?

100%

@@mm-zm8ys Yep. If someone really likes you and wants to be with you, they'll act in ways that show you that. They'll want to be around and want to be their best self with you. Behaviour that confuses you means there's something hinky going on, whether that's because they're too hurt still to be available or just because they're selfish and manipulative. The confusion is your brain trying to make sense of contradictory information between what the person says and how they behave.

Thank you for this truth. I was confused on where I stood with a guy and now i know.

YES! this really stuck out to me too, no means no means no, and no is a complete sentence

@@soysprouts yeah, and then she goes and says "Hello" on a dating app... c'mon, a no is a no when it's a consistent NO, right?!

@@robertmartin6655 Right.

that is so true and e every person who insists is not respectful.

YES

Great insight, thanks for sharing -Cara@TeamFairy

You’re so right! I went through this too .. many times . The one that got away was a breadcrumbing a -hole who hurt me twice .. and I have really only just realised not long ago

“Pain is not love.” This! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for this word of wisdom 🙏🏻

women too!

Just curious?,how did you feel when he got sick or passed away?

@@tishreni5183 It was interesting. It was a lot like watching a crocodile that had been caught after it had eaten a child. The croc is dead the child is dead . It is over but nobody really won. In the end one must move on and never repeat. Never. Some people are just rubbish people. Rubbish.

@@starboy2013 damn that’s depressing.

It’s hard when they are “like a brother” aka you love or have loved them unconditionally. But they treat you like crap so you really need to cut them out of your life.

Perfectly said😇

Um. But what if they knew you at your lowest, were there but when you're not low - they are not? Isn't that more worrying?

I agree 100%

​@@startinglifeat30🎉

Feeling like one truly has a choice takes a good amount of work for some, but it is definitely the goal :) -Cara@TeamFairy

stayed for 37 years with a guy I didn't really want to date. he cheated since day 1 nonstop., etc.

Like the tall rich man that pumps and dumps women? Like the bad boy ALL women hate to ❤️ love and love ❤️ to hate?

Fie on the manual.

My brand new psychiatrist. -- praise the goddesses-- is well versed in Childhood trauma and CPTSD. He agrees that each of my " mental health symptoms " are in fact, not organic but rather the response to life-long trauma. And therefore, curable. I have a wonderful trauma-informed therapist who I have shown some of these cptsd videos and she agreed that Anna's knowledge and methods are spot-on. Yay!! I found something of value on my own!!

It suck but it's in the OCD manual

They (western psychology) is Satanic based because most of the men who came up with it are Free Masons to who worship Satan. They don't want us to know the truth, that we can heal. They only want to slap labels on people and medicate them. The VA tells people with PTSD that they just have to "live with it" and "deal with the side effects". They never tell them they have to address the underlying trauma, process it in their working brain, so it stops triggering them. They have to make it their number one priority to process it. So many of these people's lives are destroyed due to lies and incompetence of the VA, western psychology.

@Paul Gauthier most of these providers Ik won’t touch the thing with a 10 foot pole….cptsd is in icd-10 and is recognized by the WHO so like it can still be officially billed and is recognized even if the dsm will not

That sounds familiar

Don't worry, Jani. When your hormones dry up, you won't care about relationships with men anymore. I'm convinced that it's all just "baby fever" in disguise. 😀

Happened to me too. Wild how they are loving and sweet in the beginning. Ugh. I stayed cause I kept wanting it to go back to the good beginning. :(

I fee like I’m going though this with a guy rn…

maybe not the most comforting, but: I think there’s something to celebrate in that you’re tired of turning down assholes, because that says you dumped a bunch of shitty dudes instead of just accepting their mistreatment and selfishness forever. Hell yeah-That’s big and that’ll take you places! And it’s great that you recognize the covert assholes who can’t be what you need either-these are good boundaries to have. (actually can you share some of your radar settings with me lmao) Not gonna be like ~DoN’T GiVe Up hOpE~, but I genuinely hope you meet better people soon and can have some fun! Our world rewards people for being bad and it’s hard to be good, and it takes digging to find people who are consistently good.

I feel like I'm the only guy here😆 It's best to ignore what people say and watch what they do.

Yeah, that bit was So awesome 🤩

😭👏

🥺❤️

How well I know this position of being the stroke for some man’s ego! Often this type of men are often narcissists anyway. It will always be about THEM!

@@prince6a exactly ❤️

Well said…..exactly what I went through & let myself be hurt over & over….never again

Very well said!!

Appreciate you sending Patty a message of encouragement :) -Cara@TeamFairy

That is amazing advice. I'm one of those with a "Don't want" but never thought I needed a do want so I don't settle. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. 💛

Excellent points about not just fleeing feared outcomes, but also getting clear about what you do want, so it is evident which way we need to move!

I like you pointed out underneath our clothes WE ARE ALL THE SAME. No better or worse, no need to judge yourself! Sun shines equally on everyone, rich and poor. You are worthy of your own love and respect

@@a7744ry thank you

Narcissistic signs too - with the negging/devaluing (criticising her) and discard as well..

I bet the guy was still in a relationship and cheated by being on that dating app and then taking this letter-writer out. After the festival or whatever his gf probably broke up with him, then he stopped communications with letter-writer in hopes that his "ex" will take him back

I do think he has a sexual fetish for victiminzing and abandoning vulnerable women after the woman is emotionally involved with him and emotionally wounding them, making them hurt and upset. I bet that even though he's from a "good" family, there are some type of abandonment issues within his family somewhere and that's what made him seek her out as a victim, trying so hard to win her attention and get her interested in him, so he could play this out with her. If you dealt with any type of abandonment/devaluing in your childhood you have to be on your guard for men with this problem. If you see anyone that you're not attractted to AT ALL but they keep on trying to get your attention for a long long time, this is the red flag - a normal guy would stop when he sees that you're not interested. They're trying to create a situation where they eventually win you over and then abandon you, they will cite your initial disinterest in them as grounds to harm you emotionally. If not that, it will be something else unbeknowst to you - something that you said, did or an aspect of your personality or background. "It's ok to emotionally harm you because of ____ ", fill in the blank with some craziness. This form of victimization carries a nasty sting to it that can fester, because this person slips in under the radar. You already know to protect yourself from men you find very attractive, but your guard is not up like that for a guy that you just don't feel all that attracted to at first. But they work very very hard to get your attention to start pulling this on you. It's also how they gain self worth, by trying to bring you down. The best thing you can do is never talk to them again and date someone else, as soon as you realized what is going on. The minute this person doesn't call when they are supposed to, have another date on the line quickly. Don't get hung up on this type of abuser, ever.

Again, thank you, Kim. 💜💜💜💜💜💜 Your insight is just what I needed. 💐💐💐💐💐💐

@@squirrel_of_mistri8565 We are here to share that which helps us. Anna has & will continue to save many lives by showing people what helps. Am grateful if what i wrote helped you in some way.🦋🍁🍄

Welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

Anna goes hard but does so with such a soft and gentle demeanor that she can knock the maladaptive patterns right out of your head and all you feel is the gentle embrace of a loving mentor.

A thoughtful spouse is a precious thing! I'm happy good things have come your way!

Same !

Iu

Then you are with a post childhood trauma peep that cannot emote…if u pay attention carefully they put out a general anxiety at all times and live off of your fully functional emotional health…

I’d be even more diabolical if his ex actually paid for the ticket 😭

@@ShadaeMastersAstrology I had an ex one time who used my credit card that he had borrowed because "he needed a little gasoline so we could go out that weekend." Instead, he disappeared that weekend and took another woman to Memphis and maxxed out my credit card. That was diabolical.

right? i instantly thought of doctor ramani (yt- channel) and other coaches whose field is narcissism, the guy checks all the marks! (if you speak german, i suppose you can visit "narzissmus verstehen" on yt, she is really good)

I have a hard time listening to “narcissistic abuse & how to …(fill in the blank)”. Am I being mean, ignorant, or old fashioned(?) thinking that is the way the majority of men behave - like narcissists??? I mean, just look at the evolution of men from before, during and after women’s rights have been in place! I can practically see my grandpa as the ape, my dad a bit more upright, and my ex-husband just a wee bit more straight than mine or his dad😆. I raised three sons with that man and they still have a tendency to drag their arms😝, but my sons are better than their dad or grandpas ever were! Just sayin’

@@jaedtobey791 oh, i already gave up on romantic stuff. I am way happier alone but at peace.

@@di3486 I FINALLY got to this place too...

Good job 👏🏼

Thank to YOU for watching and supporting. Grateful you're here! Happy to hear you enjoy the channel. - Ashley, Team Fairy

100% agree

❤ 💙 💜

You're not alone Anna M; Also my 40 years (!!!) of dating/ relationship habit. One right after another ... But this channel along with my T.I. therapist has finally begun to change that direction; I was reunited with a good one from 25 years ago .. slow, steady, careful and... this one could be the healthy love I've looked for all my life. Because now, I love & respect myself

All I have to say is this: hell yes!

I thought the same, Anna looks radiant in this colour and it matches the new fairy pencil!💖

@@allwellandgood8547 That's what I was going to say! The perfect top to match the magic fairy pencil! :)

Glad this video helped -- and so proud of all the growth and healing you shared. We're cheering for you! - Ashley, Team Fairy

Can relate on multiple similarities & finally heading into therapy while I fight suicidal thoughts... and see no where that I fit around mel I survived a suicide attempt 3 years ago (was saved BY GOD'S GRACE). ❤️🙏❤️

That's so kind to say. You are very welcome. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

Thank you so much for the kind words. Grateful you're here and enjoying the channel. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy

The pink pencil IS great :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you for this post. I can relate to a lot of it, and it gives me hope that if I keep writing, I won't feel so alone in what I'm currently experiencing. Much love to you, Kim!!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜

@@squirrel_of_mistri8565 : Hi Squirrel_Of_Mistri : the writing is a thing that is easier to do than talking. It has brought me back to feeling i could get up & do things, such as basic basics - cleaning a little bit here & there - which is huge. The thing that convinced me was i listened to a program about women who were broken hearted who write for a living - journalists. Yes they were very emotionally distressed. But the thing that helped & still helps them, i think, is because they're used to writing stuff down. This is also what i noticed in the youger woman who was still very upset - she wrote - in an actual book/diary. I know when i was younger - teenage & into my 20s - if i wrote, i could keep it together. When life got too busy & i stopped writing - that's when i gave in to exhaustion - my mother needed a lot of my time and energy. If i had written how i really felt & thought about things, i may have had better health, despite the challenges. i still blame myself for not trusting my own common sense. But when you're desperate for some respite from the "love" of your mother - you tell yourself so many lies to keep yourself pressing on, despite the loneliness & sense of broken-ness inside yourself, from years of having to be "brave". God damn most of us are so brave we end up dead or almost from having to struggle on alone. On top of it - when everything inside you is crying out for some relief - you finally withdraw into your own world, where you cannot be lonely or hurt. There is great freedom in writing what you know you cannot say to others. It is mind healing to get clear with at least yourself about how you really feel. Even if it is only anger - this is where writing to yourself is great - because you're not unleashing fury on anyone - you're letting it go out of your mind & heart & onto the page - so you show yourself your feelings can be expressed in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes we need to get honest with ourselves before getting honest with others. Thanks for reading.🦋

@@kimlec3592 I wrote out a long reply, but hit the backspace key and somehow that deleted the whole thing. 😖Anyway, I know what you mean about trying to get relief from how your mother treats you. In my case, also my sibling. Dad is gone, but I was fortunate to be able to make amends with him before he died. It is stressful, and at times it is heartbreaking. Trying to love people who treat you poorly and abandon you is hard to bear. I wound up retreating to struggle alone, because people can be very, very cruel. I appreciate reading your story. I feel less alienated knowing there are people who *do* understand. Thank you so much. Hugs to you, Kim. 💜💜💜💜💜💜

Thanks for watching! -Cara@TeamFairy

Healing is possible :) -Cara@TeamFairy

Honestly though...arent the girls who love themselves always objectively prettier than us, the traumatised ones? Maybe thts y they get the desirable guys....? Be honest!

@@user-yk5xu8gr1e yeah, not objectively but we would be prettier if we loved ourselves. At least to ourselves, but that's all that matters anyway

This is NOT true. I'm sorry but it's just not! Abused people should reject the saying "we attract only abusers." That's like saying, because you were abused, only crappy people notice you, pay attention to you and want to date you, which is not true. And using school as your statistical analysis for who you will attract is not reliable data. School is a very concentrated community, it's a small group, there's a herd mentality, so it's horrible data. It's also the beginning of a really, really, really long life where after school, more people from different walks of life will come in and out of your orbit, so what happened at "school" is not reliable data for the rest of your life. It's not what you attract, it's what you choose. You have way more power than you understand you do. Many abused people unfortunately notice, pay attention to and want to date people who want to abuse them. This letter is a prime example. This girl didn't even like this guy, which means she observed enough data in his behavior that told her this guy sucks, and yet, proceeded to date him, and he caused her years of pain because she kept allowing him into her life. She could have stopped dating him at any point. A non-abused person, or a healed person, would also go on a date with this guy, he doesn't only attract abused girls. But a non-abused person or healed person would notice signs of his selfishness and not go on more than two dates with him. A non-abused person/healed person would notice his patterns of pulling away, ignoring texts and being rude and tell him she's not interested in dating him anymore, or simply ghost him, which IMO, rude people who insult your appearance deserve to be ghosted. And then a non-abused/healed person would CHOOSE to date other people and meet new people. When she messaged him on Bumble, that's not her attracting an abuser, that's her allowing a crappy person into her life, again, even after already knowing he sucks. If a not-abused or healed person saw a guy they already know sucks on Tinder or Bumble, they would not even match with the guy at all and keep swiping and CHOOSE nice, good people to allow into their life. She made that choice, which is why she, and you, and all abused people need to recognize you always have the power. You don't attract abusers, you choose them over and over. You settle for them. That was a choice you made. So give power back to yourself, please. You'll meet plenty of nice, good people attracted to you, and it's up to you choose the behavior of nice, good people.

@@amerikanka I agree with all of you, and will elaborate on one thing you mentioned about people who've healed... I believe that's the key. It's not just about our choices, it's where we're at in life. I think that becomes our compass for choices. If I'm a snake ("unhealthy person") slithering in the desert, I'll come across a ton of other snakes and likely choose one. But if I'm a bird ("healthy person") flying in the blue sky, I'll meet a variety of other birds, and creatures, to choose from. In regard to the 3 comments you're responding to, they each have valid points that I agree with too. Even after we heal, I think it's easy to slip into old patterns occasionally and send up that "snake signal". The trick is being aware, catching ourselves quickly and changing our navigation. That is imperative. IMHO, you're all correct. And BTW, don't be surprised if you show up at your 35th high school reunion and find out just how very many good guys had crushes on you, and were attracted to you too. We just had blinders on as teenagers and couldn't see it!

@@hipchicagal2111 I was only replying to the very first comment, so I agree as well with the last 2 comments as well.... Personally, I don't relate to slipping up romantically because I have never had a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, I've never chased someone who has a clear pattern of being hurtful, manipulative or unsupportive. But I understand that's not everyone's romance journey, you're right. And maybe it's because i'm on the avoidant spectrum that i'm hyper attuned to signs that i should avoid someone who is clearly destined to be a hurtful person, so I've only chosen to date the nice, supportive, interdependent people who took interest in me and have always rejected hurtful people or people who are themselves not healed and too codependent with me. For me it's clear as night as day. One can tell even from just messaging someone on a dating app when someone is showing signs of being belittling, manipulative, condescending dismissive or qualifying, unless they're a super covert narcissist, that can be hard to detect until months later, so I get that. But for the most part, crappy people have a lot of tells. But in other areas of my life like my finances and my career, which aren't as sexy as the topic of dating and romance, i know, but slipping up with my CPTSD affects those areas so I totally can relate on that parallel

You are so welcome! Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy

Thank you! Cheers!

Welcome to the channel! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thanks for the encouragement! -Cara@TeamFairy

I'm glad you are here to work it out and heal :) -Cara@TeamFairy

My goodness. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing support with our letter writer and for your kind words. Grateful you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy

Those words were cruel, but they aren't true. The Daily Practice Anna teaches helps us get rid of thoughts like that bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy

Of course! Thank you for being here! - Ashley, Team Fairy

Excellent point!! We go towards what we know or what we feel we can deal with, anything else no matter how healthy feels strange and scary even if it might lead us to where we want to go!

I know exactly what you mean. I have a “test” in my life right now that I just can’t get out of my mind. Bumping into him on the street just makes it harder.

Thank you for sharing your support with our letter writer! - Ashley, Team Fairy

Welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment. We're so glad Anna's content is helpful for you! Nika@TeamFairy

So happy to hear the videos are helping you! Glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I know what you mean. I have epithets like that myself. But the letter writer was not saying it with pride or affection -- it was a self-attack.

Wow, thank you!