This is great because I just distance myself from a guy because he can’t be in a “relationship” he would do everything but the emotional involvement, so I walked away from that, my wounds felt like I was doing the wrong thing but listening to this helps me to understand that I made the proper decision

I broke up with someone like this 4 months ago. It’s a lot like getting sober. I have to take it one day at a time.

This video is really useful to me because I was neglected, so Im programmed to handle breadcrumbing and disappearing. I’m used to reading love into neglect. Thank you 🙏

If someone doesn't respect or put the effort in to build a 2 way relationship. Move on from cruelty.

Whoah....this is a good one. I recently had an encounter with a dissmissive avoidant. I felt sooo sorry for him, but I knew this was a ball of complicated string. I walked away! It was kinda hard cause he looked alot like steve mcqueen....but Anna...I saw the future pain of anguish. Thank you for all your great advice!🤗

I'd like to mention in the farm situation, as a person who is pulled towards limerant relationships, being in a small off grid community could be a recipe for more control and hurt as in those kinds of groups it can be easy to put aside ones own belief in lui of the groups beliefs in order for them to accept you. It can be the beginning of cultic relationships. If she's saying the group is being drained by her and excluding her instead of trying to help her, this could be a redflag for further exclusion down the line.

The last guy I dated dumped me and only wanted sex after that which I hated myself for doing it but I was addicted to him. When I finally asked what I did that was so bad he said nothing and that he would basically be settling. I was devastated. I am watching these videos like crazy because I know I’m drawn to lousy people and relationships and don’t know how to change it. I hope this helps

"I want to be with you (for now)" is not the same as real love

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏 As a survivor of C-PTSD and DV, etc...this video resonates with my soul❤. My relationships have always been this way...I accept the "crap fit," and attached to the feelings of love, even when I know that I am being manipulated. I am trying so hard to heal myself...and then life hits me hard...I get overwhelmed and lonely...then I meet someone who gets my mind of my struggles and gives me hope, but I never get the love or relationship that I want, need and deserve. Instead I get involved with someone who manipulates me again, so I feel the highest of highs and lowest of lows...but when I reach out, to share my love, fear and joy...I'm always alone. It feels like being abandoned over and over, again... I'm over it...I'm still lonely, but happy and ready to move forward. I deserve someone that can love me with their whole heart.💜

I'm curious if it's the quality of your videos getting better, where what your saying makes more and more sense to me, or if it's evidence that I'm healing. Whatever the case, I'm so grateful for your videos. You are a voice of reason in the chaos that overwhelms me. Thanks for what you do.

Everything you say, every single analysis, is spot on. I have only ever had abusive relationships in my life. Watching your videos is the slap of reality I need. Thank you.❤

I realize that feelings that I feel for someone and that someone never loves me back ...like im priming myself to love someone that abandons me like my feelings in childhood was always abandon. Thats why I am breaking that pattern of toxic relationships and interactions.. From Crappy Childhood videos, I am learning to assume that if a man is not initiating contact consistently, he is not interested and I should just stop trying to reach out to him. Like my ex bf, for a year i was trying to reach out to him etc after he broke up with me. I was so heartbroken. I had to stop reaching out to him and accept the situation for what it is. I also cut off a male friend I been obsessed with because he didnt return the energy or feelings I had for him.

I'm so happy we get to have Anna has a virtual mom....Thank you Childhood Fairy.

Listening to the story from that hippy girl was pretty painful.

H Anna, "holding space" is a spiritual term for listening to someone without interrupting from a empathic and somewhat meditative place, so to speak, and therefore giving that person the space/ the feeling they are permitted to be there with whatever is troubling them.

6 years in this relationship and I feel like your spoke to me personally

Thank you so much for all you!! I pray no one lives a life as I did and you said it so right it’s very very painful!! Did not realize at the time!! I was in a marriage pretty much one sided! Oh my god the energy I put into this marriage because I was so afraid of being alone!! I had no self value no confidence from a violent childhood!! I was so mentally ill ! It took most of my life to realize I did not deserve and didn’t deserve it!! The lady who wrote in please please don’t spend a lifetime of pain!!leave please leave it does not get better when there is no respect in your relationship it’s never going to be ok!!

Just the first 10 minutes has so much wisdom!

My mother abandoned me over and over growing up and I never understood why..now as an adult I have estranged myself from family and I don’t have any meaningful close relationships. I am in EMDR Trauma therapy and have a relationship with Jesus and that’s been helping me a lot but it’s still very painful for her not to have a relationship with me or my siblings.

Anna, you have helped me immensely! Your work is vitally important for us with CPTSD ❤️ Edit: i do the disappear thing. Working on communication.

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🚪 *Loving someone who can't reciprocate can be painful, especially when they switch between being loving and distant. Self-change is crucial in such situations.* 02:35 🤔 *Partners of individuals with CPTSD may struggle, experiencing periods of disappearance, emotional issues, and difficulty in communication. Recognizing and addressing these issues is important.* 05:48 💔 *Periodic abandonment creates a trauma bond, an intense attachment formed through love cycles. It distorts thinking, leading to self-isolation and adapting to emotional abuse.* 08:36 🌈 *A healthy partnership involves clear communication, respect, and alignment in activities. It's essential not to compromise your needs and remain true to yourself in a relationship.* 10:40 🚑 *Leaving a trauma bond requires human support, therapy, and planning for joy. Acknowledging the emotional abuse, breaking patterns, and seeking support are crucial steps.* 13:23 🌀 *Limerence, an infatuation without reciprocal stability, can lead to searching for hidden signs and giving ordinary things mystical meanings. Breaking free from limerence is crucial for healing.* 18:53 🔄 *An individual shares a complex story of unreciprocated love, longing for more, and struggling with anxiety and emotional pain. It's essential to face the reality and break the cycle of limerence.* 22:38 🚦 *New age spirituality can sometimes lead individuals to justify harmful situations, especially in relationships.* 24:15 🚨 *Rapidly attaching oneself to a shared goal or mission with a partner without sufficient clarity about the other person's character and intentions can be risky.* 25:38 🕰️ *Rushing into intimacy, especially for individuals with attachment wounds, can lead to devastating consequences, impacting mental and emotional well-being.* 27:13 🚆 *Having sex can trigger deep-seated wounds and emotions, particularly for those with attachment issues.* 29:58 🌌 *Clinging to a fleeting feeling of support can mask the lack of genuine connection and commitment in a relationship.* 32:43 🤔 *Expressing concerns and breaking up didn't alleviate the pain but rather intensified the emotional distress.* 34:52 🔄 *Reuniting with someone who only wants friendship after a year reveals a significant misalignment in romantic feelings.* 36:00 🚪 *Living together without intimacy or deep connection creates a soul prison, causing distress and triggering CPTSD flashbacks.* 39:41 🔄 *Continuing to pursue a relationship where the other person is not inclined to reciprocate efforts can lead to emotional exhaustion and strained connections.* 42:39 🧠 *Rejection can be challenging for those with CPTSD, making it difficult to navigate emotions and move on.* 43:20 🌿 *To overcome attachment and move on from rejection, practical steps like distancing from reminders and cultivating one's life and interests are crucial.* 44:32 🩹 *Seeking guidance and support, such as through a dating course or coaching, can be beneficial for those dealing with trauma-driven dating patterns.* 45:40 🚨 *A viewer seeks advice on a relationship with a partner who revealed childhood sexual abuse trauma and is struggling emotionally. The advice emphasizes the need for caution and setting boundaries for personal well-being.* 47:26 🛑 *A tough love response to a viewer involved with a partner dealing with mental health issues and suicidal thoughts, stressing the importance of prioritizing one's safety and well-being.* 49:18 🕰️ *One month into a relationship, the advice is to avoid making long-term commitments and to be cautious about getting involved with someone in a fragile mental state.* 54:41 🔄 *Encouragement to step back and let the person dealing with mental health issues focus on their healing journey without the pressure of a relationship.* 57:29 🌌 *Fantasy relationships, where intense feelings are one-sided and hidden, are cautioned against. Building real connections involves vulnerability and openness.* 58:09 🧠 *A letter from someone emotionally neglected as a child highlights the impact on adult relationships. Recognizing and addressing emotional needs is crucial for personal growth and healthier connections.* 01:02:03 🎭 *Limerence is explored through a personal story of unrequited feelings for someone met at a summer camp. The narrative reflects the emotional turmoil and longing associated with limerence.* 01:04:22 🌱 *Understand the challenge of distinguishing normal feelings from unhealthy obsessions when attracted to someone.* 01:05:30 🧠 *Recognize the impact of childhood emotional neglect on adult relationships and the importance of emotional availability.* 01:08:15 💔 *Acknowledge the need to prioritize quality time with kids over the pressure to find a romantic relationship.* 01:13:24 🚦 *Take relationships slow as a single parent, ensuring compatibility and protecting children from relationship complexities.* 01:17:44 ⚠️ *Avoid volunteering at locations where someone who rejected you is present to prevent obsessive behaviors and prioritize self-respect.* 01:19:07 🌍 *Ground yourself in reality, focusing on real connections and avoiding fantasy relationships that hinder personal growth.* 01:21:00 💔 *Embrace honesty about feelings and express interest genuinely, allowing for authentic connections and gracefully handling rejection.* 01:23:59 🔄 *Utilize daily practice techniques to process disappointments, embarrassments, and rejections, fostering inner peace and personal growth.* 01:24:26 🚪 *Be emotionally available and avoid being tied up in a fantasy to connect with real-world women looking for a relationship.* 01:24:53 🤔 *Training from childhood trauma may lead to shame about feelings and needs; being overly nice may not be attractive in relationships.* 01:25:22 📚 *Recommended book for men: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, addressing codependent relationship patterns.* 01:25:48 🌈 *Limerence is normal, but holding onto it for too long can hinder emotional availability for genuine connections.* 01:26:32 🏠 *Prioritize focus on children and develop emotional availability for them; less volunteering and more connection at home.* 01:27:31 💔 *Acknowledge when a relationship is not reciprocated; avoid getting stuck in a fantasy, learn to identify an available person, and consider seeking support.* 01:28:12 🤝 *Seek support from friends or consider joining a 12-step program like Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous to address patterns of limerence.* Made with HARPA AI

Anna, your voice is so soothing! Once your videos start, I immediately feel better. Thank you so much for your content, you’ve given me so much insight over my behavior and the behavior of others around me. I’m ever so grateful. Thank you! ❤🙏🏻

She displays strong narcissistic traits and a high degree of grandiosity. (walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, might be NPD.) She love-bombed me for years, and the devaluation phase was slow and subtle. We were together 11 years, The last year was absolutely horrible. I'm codependent CPTSD and I want back the person I imagined her to be which she most certainly is not. I mirrored back to her the grandiose persona she wants the world to believe . I asked her to leave and went no contact 544 days ago and yet I still pine for the fantasy I created in my own mind. I ruminate, possibly obsessively. Am I feeling limerent or is this trauma bond? I definitely do not want her back.. Intellectually, I understand the toxic nature of her true self. I know that things could never be what they seemed like in the early years. I need to figure out how to kick this feeling so that I can move forward.

I avoid relationships so I don't have to be crushed when my heart gets broken again... 😢 Sad...

The way you explained childhood trauma and limerence, really opened my eyes. This one video may have changed everything for me, thank you so much. This is a gift. ❤

I was in a similar situation to Lisa a few years ago my heart goes out to her. Did she ever send in an update?❤

Reminds me of my husband and also a psychopath online stalker who pretends to be in a relationship with me.

Ugh! So painful to hear these stories. 💔

"Rejection breeds obsession " JILLIAN TURECKI

I find hobbies helpful in dealing with my loneliness....

Sooo very helpful. Thank-you Anna. This video was perfection; helpful, insightful and every single thing you said made so much sense.

THAT WAS NOT MAGIC,THAT WAS CPTSD I felt that.

You are god send. Every video you make speaks to me. Every single one. And this pops up when I need it the most 😢

Since I’ve used limerence and fantasy since I was a child as a way to self soothe. Nowadays,I still allow for it but tell myself “ok, go ahead but just know this isn’t real”

I'm going to watch this like 5 times, thank you so much

this was just amazing 😢

I love you Anna Runkle...your a amazing person..your videos are awesome ❤

Such an honest video. Thank you for all you do Anna and everyone else who is actively bettering themselves❤‼️❤️‼️❤️‼️

I’m married to Someone who Doesn’t love me and I’m not sure he ever has. Married 40 years.

Im so sick and tired of this. One moment I miss and love him..the other moment I wish him death for leaving me...I feel soooo unbalanced and abused.

I remember those days I just don't do relationships let myself go so I wouldn't be attractive and be tempted that was 2005

This guy is on drugs, he abandons this woman for days because he knows she won't approve. He comes in gets his fix from her then takes off and uses her like a drug. Players know how to manipulate their victims.

I stumbled upon your channel and subscribed immediately minutes after I watched the first video. Regardless of the topic your channel is just very therapeutic. Good for my mind. Better for my soul. Thank you.

Very smart women!!! Thank you so much, love you ❤

I said Last night, i can't be with someone that pack up and leave with out saying anything ....I have been going through this for 3 years and I mentally can not handle it any more ..this behavior became normal for me....

This guy is definitely in another relationship. I have cptsd and don’t behave like this

Thank you for you videos Anna 🙏

I can't find myself to 'hate' or dispise my husband enough to leave him knowing he is clinically depressed. I am not healed enough to be a kind support. I live with the negative energy and can't deflect it enough to be ok in my own skin. I don't want to feel this way, yet don't know the next right thing to do. I live by the serenity prayer. I need to believe in the power of change but cannot change him, just me. The negative energy in my life is limiting my potential as much as it does in his. I am going to start therapy again in two weeks, but it's not soon enough.

First 20 seconds is such an exact match with h3 (husband #3). We are separated, and would be divorced but he wouldn't sign the papers. When he feels safe he's back to kind, friendly, helpful, generous... giving me tiny hope, yet i know the avoidance and resistance will return... and it did yesterday. I accept and take his help with needed house renovations, but occasionally remind him to get the divorce papers when he's ready to sign them. I work on my self and other female relationships to help keep me grounded as I work through my personal abandonment issues. It's very validating to hear you verbalize crazy-making crap so clearly! And, yes, I'm great at crap-fitting... another perfect description haha. I'm done with that... you and other resources clarifying dysfunctional junk helps me SEE and change. Thanks for all your work CCF ❤

Thank you very much.

I needed this … thank you

I used to gauge my relationship with my ex by looking at all of his friends- lots of friends dating back 30 years, women who still treasure his friendship. I thought I’m just the latest in his harem. 10 years into it, I said No More!!

Whew… u are hitting the mail on the head. I still miss my x . I truly loved them , even after being betrayed. I even dream about them.

So spot on right now.

Crap fitting....boy does that sum up some stuff😅 This is the best iv heard. You describe my repeated crap fitting precisely. This gives a lot of confidence that this is healable.

Hi Anna, will you post soon about navigating the holidays when you've had a crappy family/childhood? We never had a Thanksgiving dinner when I was growing up. Now, I'm married to someone who grew up in a great family and we spend Thanksgiving with them every year at my/our home. Well, my mom has been guilting me about this for the past 2 years. It's frustrating that she is demanding this from me when it was something we never did when I was growing up. I'm sure there are other types of situations you can speak to as well and would love to hear your thoughts/advice about handling crappy family situations during the holidays.

Once again, these valuable videos are really appreciated. I think with my current LO could be my last. I will be 69 soon and these patterns have not changed. I have been doing Anna's daily practice when i can. I realize how much I really dispise myself and try to get some man to love me when i cant love myself. I tried to stay away totally from my LO and became physically attracted to him. I could not tell him. I am so ashamed. But i told him eventually how i feel about him and i think he accepts it. I know he loves to know people admire him, as he likes to feel like a rescuer. He tries to get close to women but is so disorganuzed they wind up breaking up. Im pretty sure he has ADHD but denies it. I may have it too. I asked him to not talk about how many women 'hit on' him. He continues to talk about and 'help' others. He says he loves people who 'need him'. I think i am having a nervous breakdown. Crying all the time, depressed, worn out. But i still crave him to be kind to me too. I have been diagnosed with a brain tumor and trigeminal neuralgia and am trying to decide what my options are after seeing a neurosurgeon. Im again trying to distance myself from him but i feel so alone with littlecsupport. I feel so much shame and lonliness.

Narcissists have cptsd also, and their way of coping is ongoing victim mentality, and abuse.

Speaks so much to me. In my past I’ve dealt with guys like this and while I think I initially entered the world with reasonable expectations and boundaries, dating men like this over and over made me think that maybe I was the issue or common denominator and I just didn’t “get” how relationships worked. I think I’m finally on the other side with a healthy relationship, but I still sometimes look back and wonder how these relationships that gave me so little were able to entrap me for so long.

Your videos are so helpful. Thank you.

My question is I finally made up my mind to leave someone who only gives me bread crumbs. It has been 2 years already. I'll never put myself in any situation with him ever again. But I feel so broken. I felt as if the limerence (not just for him but for limerence itself) is what keeps me to stay hopeful in life. Everything seems meaningless now. I just try to stay alive and that's it. I don't know how to shake this feeling , they don't seem to go away when time goes by, and I don't think it's getting any better. What should I do?

9:30 🍎 Perfect 👍🏻 analogy!

42:00 is a really god point

23:23

This video is exactly what I needed to hear, today. Thank you 🙏

Not proud to admit this but I do this with my wife and have our entire marriage but it has gotten worse over time now to the point where there is no intimacy and I've told her im aware im not able to provide the emotional support she needs and she has for a long time pulled away for her own survival in this and I understand why. I know it's not fair and I've admitted that yes this is emotional abuse and I'm not happy I'm doing this to her. Many times I whish someone would replace me as a husband who can provide her needs. I've done it my entire life and it's been my way to escape from unhappiness marriage and other aspects of my life unfortunately. I have PTSD from childhood and other along with ASD, and Schizoeffective disorder diagnoses. Im not sure what to do. I see a therapist weekly for years and we have together as well. It feels like just a survival partnership trying to maintain the basics of a friendship. Idk.

I feel like so many parts of this video would make amazing tiktok sounds

The last guy: I'm sure he would pull back as soon as she showed him her interest, he's not emotionally available, he needs to work on himself for sure I have a friend who pretends he's just my friend but I can tell he wants more, he's energy is obvious to me and it's repelling ( as Anna described) because I know the truth and I feel like he's trying to manipulate me.

What the number 1 tip to overcome limerence? I cant get over it almost 2 years 💔 he wants my friend

I just avoided a man that was holding the door open for me . Lately that hasn't been a issue. He just seemed like he would see me . Idk as what? I know i look a hot mess. Self care has definitely been a issue of mine.

My husband had to drown in the tub before I was free of 30+ yrs. of his narcissistic abuse. At least Im still somewhat young, but oh! that I said yes to such profound rejection for so long!😮😮😢😢

Do you have any advice on how you say no and reject people nicely?

what of it Is a friend who does that to you and leaves and goes silent for says when he is depressed or distressed and he is definitely a pretty broken person? how do you tell them that it sucks being left all the time!

B"H I don't think you're crappy... you're wonderful. Thanks for the insight!

I met a guy friend. He is nice and meets my ideals. I don't know him very well. I met him in January. I started being attracted to him in March. He doesn't want to get married bc he has bipolar and feels that he doesn't function well enough to ever be married. I am not his type anyways. He said he could not see us together. That stung. He is still the homie though. We agreed to be stay friends and he doesn't think I'm weird which is good. I told him although I know he doesn't want to get married I imagine we end up together in different scenarios. So to bring myself to reality I told him about this. I'm very smart and self aware. He is too. But I told him my feelings about him to be rejected by him and give myself a reality check. I told him I'm Delulu. I've gotten better over the years but I see how my trauma has made me limerent and I want to break free from this and actually be in a romantic relationship where my feelings are reciprocated.

My guy who came into the relationship like a tornado, made me feel like a dream relationship in the beginning. Then i slowly started noticing him pulling back. 5 mo into the relationship he txt me aug 11th, i was at work. He says...ive been up all night thinking i need to be alone. I have to much going on in my life & im being pulled in every direction & im feeling overwhelmed & i don't like it. I said..so..you're basically telling me u have no feelings for me or not into or pursuing someone else. He said..i never said i don't have feelings for you. So i asked him what he wanted me to do with the few things of his he had at my house. He said..keep them there if thats ok. I told him i wanted to give him his stuff. I just don't understand

Hey Anna, if someone tells you in initial getting to know each other stage, that they cheated on their ex wife/the love of their life, should you even consider them or just wish good luck and get out of that right away?

I struggle w this ,,,

This happens to guy’s too

You’re assuming this is not Limerence

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

"Someone who's really with you" whats that?

I totally had no excuse because my girl with borderline personality disorder never let me back white, and stabbed me in the back, so it just means I'm just stupid. And while I can think of it as limerence, I always knew exactly who she was, and I liked who she was. She wasn't an object to me, and I never ignored her flaws or exaggerated her good qualities. Just a different kind of dummy am i. Not trying to say that I am special :-). It's just that when someone no contacts you, and then stabs you in the back or maybe even it was the front, how dumb is that :(? Funny thing is, and I'm not trying to manipulate the truth but I've always believed that all the bad things that happened to me where my own fault.

Not the Truth that needs healing.. Its the LIES that need it

Lolll I made my LO tell me that he didn’t care, wouldn’t be my bf or ever date me. This fool had the nerve to say “this is really hard” . Awww sorry king baby did I make it weird for u?!!

Hope you text one day

How do I arrange for you to work with me on my issues?

There is a LOT great here, but can I again give you props (and thank God first and foremost) for saying "false god?" YES yes yes yes yes. You are balanced and that's what we need.Real psychological science, and the faith, but not just psych, and also not delusional religion. You know what I say to guys as a practicing Catholic? "Are you following Jesus? ..because it sure seems like you are hiding behind Him. And they are two very different things." Many imbalanced people in ALL different religions can become extreme and DELUSIONAL. "You're still single Jennifer, because you didn't do enough Novenas or Rosaries." No, I'm actually single because I trust radically in God's divine providence, I am being prudent, and working on healing since I"m messed UP from emotional abandonment, and even physical when I would get bullied by family (a sibling, then when I would cry about her physical., emotional, mental ...let's just say every type aside from sexually and financial, but then again money was used as a "consolation" in lieu of apologies, confessions, admittance, humility, etc."), the other family members either joined in OR stayed silent. This was not just in childhood AND this pattern went right into school, work, and for 4 decades....I finally crashed and hit a wall losing my life physically and then the HEALTHCARE system abandoned me over and over with critical symptoms, during the plandemic. I am also a nurse. When I died, with miraculous unexpected survival (it was easy to die, but I'm hard to kill...comes with my blood, faith, and...c-ptsd survival skilllllzzz ;) ), but then part II where I still am,4 years later? figuring it all out!! And all this is relatable (and the sex? You are RIGHT on..I am waiting for marriage, never been happier because in the guy department, I see things for what and who they are with NO BEER goggles. Chastity is AWESOME (hard but you see who is a true lover as love = sacrifice so if he can put YOU above his penis and fantasy? Great! Good sign. If a women opens her legs, she already told him she is broken, cheap and dying for respect and is willing to get herself sick on birth control, balloons in the vagina (condoms), or pregnancy when not ready, therefore abortion, or parenting, or adopting...all hard. Then there is the disease factor - condoms prevent nothing, like masks don't block viruses)...so right on with that. Keep it out of the bed and there is no limerence :) One less thing to worry about and it's a great tool to assess males for whether they are a MAN or a boy...).Anyway, I love my family very, very much. I help them all the time, and physically, my parents help me. They are all I have. However, my care is mind, body and spirit. I only get the physical part. Anyway, I was over-functioning with out knowing it. I was "doing my vocations" and "serving God." No regrets because I know a lot of good came of it...for others. However, I crashed, burned and here I am. "False gods." ...... keep up the awesome work. You are a blessing. We usually are, when we are humble enough with humility to learn and grow, and help other see the need for themselves to grow. Finding other healing/healed persons? We need a singles group for serious people who are emotionally available and 'get it.' Thank you! Sorry, brevity ain't my forte.

Helen, you've got this girl! ❤

This one (even though every single video on this channel is nothing short of amazing) is a really relatable, and great topic.

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉