Get Unstuck From the Pain in the Past So Good Partners Can Find You

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Күн бұрын

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***
Early trauma often manifests in adulthood in the form of dysfunctional romantic relationships. You may be carrying the pain of too many experiences of getting hurt, and this can leave you with cynical beliefs about people, relationships, and the level of happiness that's possible for you. In this video I bring back one of my most popular videos from the archives -- all about trauma-driven beliefs and how to heal them so you can have a new and happy experience in love.
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Пікірлер: 90

@LesleySASMR 7 ай бұрын

I’m attracted to people who need fixed. This video brought me so much clarity!

@saltwaterbohemian2538 7 ай бұрын

I suffer from the same issue.

@TOBDNCNG-Marygrace 7 ай бұрын

I learned recently to say 'cancel, cancel' when I say something negative about myself. It seems to be helping.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy

@waggawaggaful 7 ай бұрын

An attractive guy parked next to me at the gas station in a luxury car told me I’m “absolutely beautiful” and I started to shake with sheer terror. Parking lots are of course not a great setting to meet people. But it makes me sad that I just left the scene as fast as I possibly could. But at least I have the mindset now to give someone like that a chance. In the past I was only open to lowlifes who were abusive towards me. There are actually nice men who work hard out there who think highly of me.

@lw6138 7 ай бұрын

I was so seduced by media depiction of love, that when I found love, I didn't recognize it. I abused it. Fortunately, he stayed with me and I'm growing and learning and he is enjoying it.

@melainamigliorino740 7 ай бұрын

I am going through this exact same thing! Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. It’s not easy inside your own head.

@suddhadasi 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for this comment ❤

@TheDominiqueDivine 7 ай бұрын

Same here. But I lost him. Don't do what I did. Trust their words.

@sueg2658 7 ай бұрын

My marriage with a narcissistic person lasted 1974 to 1997. It did even more damage or just as much as my abusive childhood. Yes, big time C-PTSD from both. I tried dating for a bit after divorce, but online was just starting then and I met some real scary creeps who just wanted sex. I had enough of that crap and scared me to say bleep NO! So, here I am at age 72 and I’m ok with it. Although, if I would have found help sooner, my life may have been very different. So young people, don’t wait. Do the work and find love if that is what you want. Time goes by very fast. Believe me I know.

@DeeDee-el8bd 7 ай бұрын

Love can knock at your door,still..i pray for you🙏❤️😇

@rnupnorthbrrrsm6123 7 ай бұрын

I agree….I’m 56 but so scared !

@marieschmidt9416 7 ай бұрын

Similar story here with an abusive childhood (narcissistic Mother& sister) where I kept picking disfunctional people who didn't treat me well. I wised up. After much work searching and a lot of creeps who I passed over, I met a wonderful man online and now we have been married 6 years. I married at age 62. It took perseverance and I accepted that I could be happy single OR married.

@wanderin-wonder 7 ай бұрын

I loved this little blurb in the newspaper about a couple who met at 92 as neighbors, he helped fixed her blender. So they got married at 93 in a little church wedding, & there was a photo of her in a lovely blue dress ❤

@wanderin-wonder 7 ай бұрын

Then again, romantic love isn't everything, nor is it the only form of love. Our society's obssessed with romantic love.

@casperinsight3524 7 ай бұрын

Sometimes that person sabotaging yourself is YOU 😉 sad but true

@jkk4657 7 ай бұрын

I found my wife, a wonderful supportive and loving person. I finally got past bad relationships with her but I struggling so much with our kids now. It is so hard not to become my parents. When the kids act up I feel all this anger come back and I am triggered by them being kids. I struggle so much with “they don’t know how nice they have it” every time they act up. I control myself 99% of the time but it is mentality and physically exhausting. I also carry so much resentment towards my parents for never teaching me how to be a loving parent. I am glad I found your channel. I tired of wearing the mask of everything is ok, I still carry that protection from my youth.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Glad you are here. If you're interested, try the Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@spaced-outbutterfly4680 7 ай бұрын

I can confront myself now. ❤I healed and the environment is changing, and I fit but I don't want to forget.

@willtroy1986 7 ай бұрын

I like how simple and specific your advice is. Otherwise, I watch things on KZfaq that are fun to know but difficult to translate into actionable steps to change my life. That takes it from something that is pleasant to listen to now, that I will forget later, to something that can create change going forward. Seeing intimacy not as an assessment but a choice totally turns my perspective around. The phrase from Jung, that the gods will retreat inwards as you gain more self insight, really resonates with her debunking limerence. Thank you so much CCF!!

@hurricaneMecalah 7 ай бұрын

I related to this, but more about a friendship rather than a relationship setting.

@tomtbi 7 ай бұрын

Something I need to work on...

@Jrsdigest 7 ай бұрын

You can do it! You're worthy of love and capable of miraculous change❤

@donnachimenti7 7 ай бұрын

The daily practice and your wealth of knowledge is giving me the clarity to do so, thank you!

@CathyJennings-kw8ds 7 ай бұрын

Worst case senarios STORIES . FAKE PEOPLE VS REAL People to connect with.. Be optimistic!!! Creative Positive Possibilities . Saviors will come. Good mentors!!! ???? Love oneself first. 😂❤😂 Heal ONESELF. LEARN TO HEAL. DEPROGRAM oneself learned beliefs. 😮😢😢 Clearer clearer CLEARER GUIDE LINES. WE NEED MORE ATTENTION. ATTENTION. ATTENTION POSITIVE Awareness attention of our own COMPASSIONATE GOODHEARTED WARM & FRIENDLY Personality behaviors we present when we work at to look attractive to get Some kind of ATTENTION . Desperate to fill voids. To feel ALIVE. Dating. Not desiring to mate. Not desiring to be owned. Not to be bullied. Not to be beaten down. Not Not Not to be disregarded, disrespected, NOT to be lied to. NOT to PLAYED/ Tricked, etc. NOT to be put in the object or piece of meat for them to take advantage of their own miserable methods of injurying her. Not desiring suffering. ). Good healthy UP BUILDING HER EGO, MIND, BRAIN . BUILDING UP her as a whole person . She is a treasure to be CHERISHED. WELL CARED FOR. GIVE HER LIBERTY. FREEDOM TO FEEL & BE LIVELY: HEALTHY MIND EMOTIONALLY & Physically & Financially, & plenty of GOOD HEARTED ACQUAINTANCES. 😂😂😂😂. GOOD 😢 HEARTED HEALTHY PEOPLE. PREFERENCES/ BOUNDARIES? PEOPLE GOOD FOR this person. Healing is possible!!!

@CathyJennings-kw8ds 7 ай бұрын

U reliable untrustworthy friends . Dangerous. No SUPPORT. VAGUE. THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR KNOWLEDGE INSIGHT SO USEFUL INSIGHT. ❤❤❤❤

@davidsisson2026 7 ай бұрын

Im heading to my first counseling session this week. Im so ready to quit sabotaging myself. Two divorces have left me with very little confidence.

@lauralei6963 7 ай бұрын

💝🌟💝

@kimjellen4508 7 ай бұрын

My mother asked the other day, “but what is a high value partner? How do you recognize one?” Good g.

@danika9448 7 ай бұрын

I’m not claiming to know all about this but my experiences have led me to believe that a high-value person is someone who is willing to take responsibility for what they bring to a relationship. They have integrity and don’t resort to dishonesty and manipulation. They don’t try to “get what they want” out of you. They genuinely care about what is in your best interests and are willing to put in the necessary effort to take the journey of relationship and learn and grow along the way. To be like that, a person needs to be reasonably functional and whole. They need to be able to communicate constructively. They need to have faced their demons and overcome the major problems in their life, as much as possible.

@katarina6724 7 ай бұрын

A very hopeful video. Thank you.

@waggawaggaful 7 ай бұрын

I hear Anna talking a lot about sleeping with people who are unavailable emotionally. What’s weird about my situation is that I’m only attracted to people who aren’t physically available and don’t even want sex from me because they’re not attracted to me at all (not because of how I look, but because I’m not famous and they feel entitled to only the best). And they’re also not conventionally attractive guys, so there’s less reason for them to put up an unattainable front, much less believe that they deserve to be famous. Some of the ones I’m attracted to actually have considerable talent, but most of them don’t. They’re usually just delusional assholes with mental problems and feelings of entitlement, grandiosity and superiority. They are definitely narcissistic because they crave the spotlight. And if only I could somehow acquire a bigger spotlight, then I’d finally be worthy of their attention. But it always feels like I’d have to equal or outdo them to even have a chance at a relationship. And narcissists typically don’t want others to outshine them, unless the person outshining them defers publicly to the superiority of the narcissist. I don’t know what it says about me personally that I’m only attracted to people who think they are better than me, but I know it’s probably not good. I may be worse and yuckier than the freaks I’m attracted to.

@donnasewell5014 7 ай бұрын

You are so good. What you say makes so much sense. Thank you for your help.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@mridulaism 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for this video

@tashmoobabe8704 7 ай бұрын

Maybe you could speak also about the power of gentle self-forgiveness. That's the ability to learn and move onward and upward in life. It's the opposite of holding onto our wounds. "Moving on is sometimes the most direct route to finding love." It's a cliche, but true: We learn to love ourselves first, with all our flaws, missteps, blind spots, bad experiences. Give it time. Move on from yourself, today's version, and into today's new self.

@sheilagavin8281 7 ай бұрын

❤ Thank you very much for this Anna

@jendmusic12 7 ай бұрын

This is a really good one

@yzma6142 7 ай бұрын

I’m so tired of being unhappy 😢

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

One good tool to help with getting regulated is the Daily Practice. You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@catherineedge5446 5 ай бұрын

Such a helpful video - thanks so much. Love all of your work, Anna ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 ай бұрын

So glad!

@praxile007 7 ай бұрын

I need to. ❤ thank you.

@kerrymillar1267 7 ай бұрын

I love you Anna,you’re so wise and calm. Wish I’d had someone like you around when I was young. Once you’ve had children this gets harder to fix (another limiting belief probably).

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

We're so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy

@bekind7288 7 ай бұрын

Oh, man, do I see myself in a few of these 'scenarios'! Thank God for you, Anna. I so appreciate hearing the truth and understanding the justification I used to lie to myself is certainly not unique to my choices. ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'm so glad you're here, thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@harmoniousandtranquilhannah 7 ай бұрын

I love this video! Thank you for uploading it! Is it possible for you to please make an affirmation tape to reprogram our beliefs about attracting good partners and upload it on KZfaq? Thank you :)

@diawolo71 7 ай бұрын

I didn't really childhood trauma but I did in my teens years, terrible relationship with a narcaciss

@thetruth3325 6 ай бұрын

I feel good around most people except my own family.. i was scapegoated heavily.. but they couldnt break me to fit their narrative.. i left my country just to get healthy fresh perspective while cutting contact.. sometimes it takes years to heal alll the trauma and in my opinion extremely hard if not impossible to do while you are still communicating with them..

@proper.role.model.819 7 ай бұрын

I have guys interested but I’m so stuck in my fear that I can’t believe them. My view is distorted and then reflecting back they end up with the girl after me and it’s heartbreaking realizes these guys could have meant every they said to me but because of my judgment and fear I could believe in them and trust they had cared

@stephaniebecker205 7 ай бұрын

I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have done the "take it slow and learn about the person and make sure they are who they say they are" and been careful to not trust until I had been given reason to trust... and always get betrayed in the end. Until I didn't. But the first time there was an opportunity I looked at every possible reason they could have mentioned the opportunity and only saw pain coming. Turned out it could have been beautiful. But I pushed them away. Literally. And out the door. Don't make my mistake. Have faith. Trust you love someone worth loving. And that someone worth loving loves you.

@laurelinel.claeys5850 7 ай бұрын

Very close from home 😢

@lilletrille1892 7 ай бұрын

I fall for the married ones. But I don't get my hopes up and completely avoid heartbreaks. Just some bittersweet ache. Better to have loved and lost.

@RachelEdghill 7 ай бұрын

Can you please do a video about what was the difference between your current partner vs. the type of relationships you had in the past that were dysfunctional

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

I'll just tell you in a nutshell. My husband has his life together, he loves me and wants to be with me, and he has the wisdom and willingness to solve problems we face. Instead of how I was in the past, I'm able to meet him with the same qualities. Now a happy life is possible!

@berritandersen288 7 ай бұрын

🙏

@nomadicneanderthal1377 7 ай бұрын

Where do i even start when i have most of the traits/characteristics tht are indicative of c-ptsd but cant really remember your childhood? I have handful of memories but very few...maybe 6?! But watching your videos 9 out of ten times im like "I do that!"...thank you in advance

@renatearntz6774 7 ай бұрын

When you hear someone else talking about something it triggers a memory .we have so much burried in our sub consiousness.i read several times..the courage to heal...omg its my bible ..take care

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

Thank you for watching. You might like Daily Practice. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@Lenergyiskey358 7 ай бұрын

Search out EMDR therapy if you can. It unlocks old stuff. Make sure the therapist using it has training in CPTSD or at least does inner child work 🙂

@Ginny77 6 ай бұрын

Hey Anna, I’m tired of being triggered and feeling like my life is a disaster whenever I’m in a relationship and things don’t go my way. I thought about signing up for your course healing cptsd. Could you shine some light on some things to expect in the course?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 ай бұрын

The Healing CPTSD course is the best one to start from! Good choice! Please feel free to contact our team at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com and they will provide you with more details. Nika@TeamFairy

@barb987 7 ай бұрын

Seems you always speak of damaging love relationships. What about an adult age thirty with no long term relationships? Is this worse than the problems you speak of or just a different kind of issue. Would love to see this addressed in a future video. Thank you.

@suddhadasi 7 ай бұрын

I saw a video from her on this a couple of days ago, it's called "Your false self keeps you from finding people who really love you"

@bola_m_a 7 ай бұрын

Thank you

@lolliisabusdriver.4447 7 ай бұрын

I bet there are a lot more people who like this video than 7!

@willtroy1986 7 ай бұрын

I helped your comment have more likes than 1. Good deed for the day achieved!

@CathyJennings-kw8ds 7 ай бұрын

Persistent demanding young men in their 20's & early 30s . Bad presentations. Charming charismatic dramatic STORIES, ENERGIZING FUN declarations & bragging of what they USE TO HAVE THINGS, MONEY, POWER, TIME, CARS, A BUSINESS, A HOUSE or 2. They lived many places . Exciting things they did!!! But, since they lost a parent to a tragic death during their early 20's. They been severely SUFFERING, FEELING Disconnected, dwelling & steeping, consumed with grief / SORROW, Desperate Hungering, thirsty for human connection to FEEL ALIVE.

@zenandedyiki 7 ай бұрын

1st comment 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 love you Anna

@rainsara2795 7 ай бұрын

12:47 I say this with love, you are super cute

@Keith-tz2jy 7 ай бұрын

Sorry I don't want to heal now it's what I am. M 53

@sueg2658 7 ай бұрын

I’m sorry too. At age 72 I am done too.

@Sarah-with-an-H 7 ай бұрын

48 and I’m disabled. I do what I can, but I’m done trying in the area of love

@maggiemay8622 7 ай бұрын

@@Sarah-with-an-HI am also, and you dont have to invite some one into your life, but you can heal for you!❤️you deserve that at least.

@Sarah-with-an-H 7 ай бұрын

@@maggiemay8622 I’m not sure that I made myself clear. I work on myself I’m just not open to doing so for a romantic love. Being disabled means i can’t attract good men and that I’m a burden I’m pretty set in my ways and I’ve already experienced the resentment of settling .. I work on myself though I work on dealing with my crap every day

@suddhadasi 7 ай бұрын

I'm not sure it's about age, I'm much younger and feel the same way, yet still I watched this video :) but just by working on trauma patterns (not in order to find someone but just because I wanted better life quality) , I do see some results which are pretty good. I hope that even though not all of us will find a loving relationship, we can at least find some peace in being good with ourselves

@OwnersofaBrokenHeart 7 ай бұрын

Who had nagging parents just to attract more of the same? Get background checks!!!!

@bluest1524 7 ай бұрын

Agreed, but you should lose the term "crappy" from your program, and self-identity. It is obviously a vestige of the old you, the degraded, abused one you're talking about getting free from. Until then this is a strangely ironic name for you to have, and it distracts and detracts from your message.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 ай бұрын

You're so funny!.

@Lenergyiskey358 7 ай бұрын

The name is indicative of what she offers. A healing fairy (relating to the child) for 'your' or 'our' crappy childhoods. It's a perfect name for what she offers. That's how I look at it.

@renticat 7 ай бұрын

She's not crappy fairy she's the fairy of crappy childhood so .... Yeah but life still very much crappy for me