You're putting words to everything I've been dealing with my entire life. I've only really been conscious of this for the past couple of years. I cannot begin to thank you for creating these videos for people like me. I think I commented on another video about how I seem really normal on the outside but in actuality I am everything that you were describing in this video particularly.

People with cptsd have a hard time dealing with fake people, gossip and bullies.

It’s easier to be alone than to be betrayed by humans over and over again.

Parents actually teach their kids social skills? Who knew??

I’ve often said that I care more for animals than I do most people. Pets don’t insult you, gossip about you or judge you.

I’m 60 years old and I’m done. I’ll take my animals any day over humans.

I feel safe when I’m alone. Always have. I don’t have to ‘put on’ a smile/happy face, have shallow conversations, and I don’t get judged or feel like I’m boring someone with my company. Overly friendly people make me suspicious about their intentions.

People mean pain.

I don’t want to isolate myself but it’s my only way to not get hurt

I've literally isolated since 2001 No friends nobody. The weird thing is I'm ok with it.

isolation helps a lot. i naturally seek out ways to live life in isolation.

Sartre knew, "Hell is other people"

This isolation thing is HUGE for me. I literally feel like I have no one in my corner. I don't really have friends and I literally feel pain from this. If I do start to trust someone they turn out to be narcasists or flakey. Feels like I've been alone all my life and I really don't know how to change this.

When we were banished to lockdown because of the horrid Covid, I was ready for the peace and quiet. I felt calm and so relieved I didn't have to deal with people at work. I felt smug about it. Being home alone, away from everyone was a dream come true. I kept my joy to myself because that news would trigger some against me. We'll be back to 'normal' at some point and I'll have to build up resistance again, against the ones who trigger me. Wishing everyone a calm end to 2020.

It's a curse.. and most people make fun of or have a good time when we get triggered.. 54 years and still.. Total lack of relationships due to serious trust issues..

If you have CPTSD, one of the best things you can do for yourself is maybe try martial arts. It gave me a sense of security and safety from other people, allowed me to build some confidence, and releases emotions. I promise that it'll have an impact on how you approach certain types of threatening or triggering people.

I’ve isolated myself my entire life. I’m 51. I still can’t do it. I shop rarely, and if I do, it’s in and out!

As a person who is a survivor of bullying people do trigger me

I always keep my friends at arms length and have gotten a reputation for being cold and aloof. I don't mean to do it, and sometimes I make friends feel I'm disinterested by accident. I don't really know how to do the "friendship" thing anymore.

I am an INFP, Highly Sensitive Person and an Empath so I naturally love isolation. Then add my horrific childhood abuse and 53 years later, isolation is a daily thing and a blessing. I interact with ppl only when it's necessary and I like it that way. Edit...Yes, I meant solitude.

I've spent my whole life in a cycle of trying to be social, being triggered, and isolating. I repeatedly found myself in abusive relationships with narcissists. I don't trust myself to decide if someone is safe. At 65, I have isolated so much that I do not have any friends, estranged from every relative, have not dated or had any dating/relationships in decades, and feel like I have to protect myself from the judgments of my children. I mentally understand my behavior patterns but that does not change my emotional fears of everyone. Being alone and with no commitments is the only time I feel safe. The program that she talk about is $1600.00! Why is healing and living only for the wealthy?

The involuntary self-isolation has made it hard for me to build a career. I get triggered at work and quit without a real backup plan.

I only get triggered by certain people that have personality features in common with my narcissist mother who physically and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood. It’s like I am super sensitive to toxic people and usually I am right but I 2nd guess myself sometimes. For instance anyone who has to be always right or criticizes others constantly. Intense people who have and high and low mood swings from one day to another or from one hour to another. People who are delusional and overly intense about their choices in life or careers. All these types of things trigger the hell out of me and put me on high red alert when I see it in others because these were features of my mothers personality. I equate personality intensity to craziness and toxicity because I have seen first hand where intensity leads. Abuse. Give me a relaxed, kind, gentle and considerate person any day of the week and I will be their best friend and give them everything and my love.

I used to have a tee shirt that said "The more time I spend with people, the more I appreciate my dog." I wore that shirt so much that I wore it out in less than a year.

This video made me cry because the accuracy. I dissociate so easily...in a group of people who are happy and enjoying everything I sit back and think how much I want to leave and get away. So hard getting through the triggers that you don’t even realize are happening. Didn’t know the extent of my triggers and traumas until this video

I’ve been isolated since I was a kid. I’m the only kid of a Narc mother. My mother hated being a parent, so she would live her life while I was home alone. When she was home and abusive I naturally avoided her by staying in my room all day sometimes. My room was my solace. I hardly was able to play with other kids, I could never have sleepovers or go on them, play sports, go to camp etc. I always had to be home alone in my room. My mother wanted to pretend like I didn’t exist. Once in high school and forced to be around ppl and socialize. I felt very anxious, self conscious and didn’t know I was an actual person. Every time I would go out, I just wanted to be home. Truth is I never really learned how to just been, to socialize, have my own sense of self, isolation is a way to cope and soothe myself. It’s apart of who I am now. Like I said, been doing it since I was a kid.

I am a 54-year-old single mom. A survivor of a moderately abusive father and a narcissistic emotionally and physically abusive mother. In all the therapy I have had over the years, I have NEVER heard anyone articulate this behavioral pattern of mine. Thank you for this enlightenment; and for a strategy to overcome it.

At 63 I can't take it anymore. Just me my dogs and cats. Years of therapy and not much has changed.

For me yes people trigger me immediately when I see they are faking, rude and noisy. I just then feel I can't trust their actions so their mistakes can hurt me so I better stay away yea.

After years of disrespect and manipulation I'm done with people. I dont have it in me to try any more. I learned my lesson. Boundaries. Now I'm boundried right up so tight u don't want any of them near me

I'm sticking with my cats. This does resonate with me. I chose a while ago not to be in a close intimate relationship, because everything made me miserable.

Wow! I'm 58, and for the first time in my life, it all makes sense. You're videos validate; that I am in fact, a square peg, who fits into a square hole. Let the healing begin! One million thank yous.💖

I have C-PTSD and have been isolating for my whole life. Making friends is terrifying and I can’t handle it. I’m so lonely. I almost wish I had more people in my life, but I can’t handle it. I don’t feel safe around people. I know I can’t live my entire life in my room, I have dreams and need to live everyday life, but it’s so hard to just want to live in my house forever and never leave. I’m in my 20’s and still feel like the traumatized kid that was abused and destroyed. I don’t feel like an adult at all, just a lost kid trying to figure out life all on my own. I’m so isolated that even the few loving people I have now are hard to interact with. Anytime I’m shown love my first instinct is to run and not look back. It takes so much out of me to even have a five minute conversation because all I can worry over is ‘what if it leads to someone pursuing friendship’? People knowing me or trying to be my friend is the scariest thing in the world.

Ive never in my life seen so many people who I can actually relate to via the comments.

I definitely self isolate. I had a crappy childhood plus I had a traumatic experience with being bullied for years in school. With no support from my parents. I had friends completely turn their backs on me out of the blue in the 6th grade. I still to this day have no idea what I did. I even had my best friend ghost me in high school. And she never told me why either. Now as an adult woman. I’m married and have kids. All my socialization is with my family. I have a career too but since high school ended. 20 years ago I purposely kept co Workers and other people at a distance. I’m afraid of making friends with anyone. Because of what I experienced with friends during my childhood.

Being an introvert, i really like being alone. A few friends is good. Ive learned that you can't lean on people for anything really important. So those deep connections may exist for some but are very rare. Folks just don't seem to have the time to invest. Our society seems to encourage more superficial attributes on the roads to success. Not my cup of tea. Im quite content with the quiet.

Covid isolation been a blessing for me 💯💯 haven't left the house in 5 months 😂

I’m in my third marriage. He’s wonderful. He knows I need a lot of me time, of course I also have Fibromyalgia and even he notices if I’ve had to “man” up for awhile, boom, I’m in a flare. People exhaust me. I rarely enjoy shopping, and I don’t have friends. My last dear friend, who is 20 years older then me has developed dementia and it’s bad. She’s combative, and her family doesn’t want anyone around. So. Here. I. Am. Referring to YT’rs as my friends so my life seems less pathetic.

Yes, I am happier and calmer when alone. I do get lonely.. I do have a boyfriend and I enjoy his visits. I tend to ignore the phone and door.

My adoptive mother was a sociopath. She gaslighted the social workers into believing that she was this caring person who would raise me with love and attention. From the age of 7 (when I was adopted) to 21 when I finally managed to break free, I was her possession; her chosen victim. She intentionally made my life hard and difficult. She was sadistic. She felt nothing for me and showed no remorse for the hurt she caused. I self isolate to protect myself because there really are people who can pick up on my vulnerability and try to exploit it. It's happened too many times in adulthood for me to discern between people being genuinely nice and people wearing a mask. Hypervigilance is a resource. Keeping everyone at a distance is self-preservation. Am I lonely? No. Wouldn't it be nice to get out and have meaningful relationships? You have got to be kidding.

I have been in counseling and 12 step programs for 20 years and isolation is the only time I feel ok and feel like my true self. I feel everything around me to the umpth degree. I am reaching a point to where I can hardly stand to be around people other than my kids and certain family members. I feel so much when people are around. I’ve been doing ACA meetings via zoom and I can get triggered there really bad too. I don’t know if it’s my personality or growing up in trauma but I have a really hard time fitting in. I always feel like an outcast. I am never part of the cliques. 57 this month. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I don't think we NEED friends or relationships. Society just wants us to believe we do. I genuinely enjoy being isolated. I seek out ways to be isolated.

My husband is socially outgoing, so in order to not look weird, I try to interact with our neighbors here and there. I decided to be kind and share an interest with my neighbor. I love collecting perfume, so I offered to share some samples with her. She handed them back and said she doesn't like those types of scents (sweet scents). In that moment I was totally done with her in my mind. In my mind, you're supposed to take the free gift offered, even if you don't want it. But I decided then and there I never want to talk to her again, and I haven't. When someone shows any type of flaw in their personality or character, i'm done. I have been this way my entire life. There is a big gap between how people really are, and how they are supposed to be in my mind and I can't seem to bridge that, so I walk away from opportunities to develop deep friendships. im just so turned off by people's ways. Yes I was neglected as a child and being left alone I saw many things my young mind could not process (one was an attempted murder, things like that and other violence, raised by single mom who was very busy trying to keep us afloat financially). Thank you for your videos!

4:30 no. avoiding people will not make the problem bigger. there are professions that do not require contact with people so you can make money to support yourself and if you spend enough time avoiding people you'll see how the lack of stress and triggers will benefit your brain. after eight years of living isolated and communicating with a chosen few only through internet I feel I can breathe again. the silence is magical. .... and yes, I have two dogs...... 4:42 true friendship and a romance are mythical beasts for some of us. don't hold your breath for those.... 5:05 losing fears will not stop the triggers. even when you rationalize the fears and expose yourself to fearful environments the triggers remain. avoidance is the only cure.

Thank God I found it channel Finally! I'm a 72 yrs young lady & what u describes has been me ALL my life. At 15 I would buy a snack, drive to the kinda local park & hide in the bushes, where I always felt safe, & enjoy my food. I always felt shame that I was being beaten. Thought I was the only one. Thanx so much for spreading ur knowledge on this very painful subject Love & Lite to all of us 🙏🐈💗

This video was so needed because I've been thing about it with the whole coronavirus and everyone upset they have to isolate right now. I've been isolating myself for over a year now (after my bad relationship), but realize I've been doing it since I was a kid, mostly because my family always made me feel emotionally unsafe. I always felt so much better being alone.

I actually Hate the people that all got into their perfect cliques. They are so unaware. I have been hurt by these types of people ever since I can remember. All the way back to grade school. So painful always on the outside looking in.

Im currently thinking through this now! Im totally avoiding calling back some people who want to get together with me. i know its fear...fear of getting triggered...as to why I isolate. The bodily sensations are just so overwhelming when interacting with others (hot, flushed, rashes on my chest and face, Dissociating). It sucks. But it all comes down to (i think): i - don't - trust - people. We who had shitty childhoods couldn't even trust those closest to us, so how on earth would we have learned to trust others. As a kid our friendships are fairly simple, but as we get older things get more complicated. Im beginning to wonder if I have paranoid personality disorder...which probably a lot of us with cptsd would be dealing with on some level. That, and as i mention the crazy physical responses the body has to intimate/close interactions with others, and being triggered by their "red flags".

It's really interesting to see the comments and how others feel about isolation. I have forced myself to be out there and to socialize all my life. For the past two years a lot has happened in my life and a while ago I just could not do it anymore. I realized that I was putting myself in so much stress and not letting myself get what I need. I guess it all depends on what the cause of the CPTSD is. Mine was caused by the interaction with people, it started with very broken parents. I was separated from my mother at the age of two and taken to another country by my father, who has severe problems of his own. Huge anger issues. He married a woman that was deeply unhappy with life and when the country turned into a warzone we had to flee to survive. We ended up back in Sweden, after being gone for seven years so I had to relearn the language and once again assimilate. I got to see my mother again but our connection was completely steered by my father. My mother was to scared to even speak to him and he did not want to speak to her. He ruled our lives and we lived in fear of his anger. My mother never got any help for losing me and my brother ( my dad disappeared with us) and although it's been over 30 years since we came back, we have never been able to bond. I also found out a few years ago that I have Asperger's syndrome, so you can imagine the complexity of the trauma. I am hypersensitive and have developed a psychological and intellectual way of understanding others. Every interaction basically turned into a study on human behaviour, both others and my own. As a child I had to separate myself from my emotions and only let my intellectual part move me through life. I guess my Asperger's saved me in a way. Human behaviour became my subject to study and dive into. For the first time ever I have been able to let myself be and not force myself to socialize and go through the emotional hell that comes with having to put myself through the trauma of having to separate myself from my emotions and my survival instincts AND putting myself as an Aspie through the hell of having to see myself as the cause of everything being so hard. That is what happened once I was diagnosed with CPTSD , Asperger's syndrome, ADD, GAD and recurring depression. One thing that I have noticed is how I get filled with anxiety and disgust for myself when I talk about or share something about myself. For some reason I am not able to rapp my head around it and understand why. I never really got my CPTSD explained to me to know exactly what parts of my life that are connected to it. But then again, it's so many different events in play, different genetically inherited difficulties , psychological and neuropsychiatric and so on. So now I feel that I rather not interact with others more than is necessary and that thought gives me peace.

I suddenly understand myself so much more.

I just cried watching this video because I have always been told I'm just weird or crazy because I get really awkward in social situations or I just shut down (sometimes I'm okay with "unsafe" people, but usually only when I have alcohol). This video just made me feel so validated! Thank you so much 💜

It's not that it's difficult being around people, it's just coming back to my own space sigh of relief can't be matched.

Oh my Gosh! You just described me and my life! I live in the country on a dirt road, with my dog. I am 48 years old and learning about healing.

"Interact a little, get triggered a little, deal with the fears".... funny seeing this now, it's exactly what I did when I first started to recover.

I never knew about this.... but it explains so much about why I'm always avoiding so many people including my own family. 😭

As i read the comments i'm encouraged to say that for myself, i've concluded that everything i've suffered was for the purpose of helping someone else up at a later time. I don't believe in coincidence, we have a responsibility to overcome for the sake of our fellow man. Humans with values have been practicing it for centuries under many names. People have survived less, some have survived more, we're ALL being filled with mercy for someone whom we may know, or whom we've never met who is in the battle of their lifetime learning to be an overcomer. Hey Warriors 💜

Interesting topic. I was born with a condition called Incontinentia Pigmenti. I encourage people to look that up, since there’s not enough space here for a detailed rundown on it. Suffice to say, males born with this are not expected to survive. The facial deformities that came with this caused tremendous amounts of social problems at home, at school, and everywhere else. So, what is talked about here fits me to a T. Needless to say that I see people differently. Being a natural born introvert makes the tendency to isolate even worse.

I can’t keep a job 😩

i wasn’t raised by my parents, my grandmother raised me and she passed earlier this year and i’ve been finding people increasingly annoying... everything you said was completely accurate.

I'm moving to the Arctic circle

the writing exercise you showed made all the difference! doing it since weeks and it really helps, combined with my daily 20min meditation. much better than any therapist before helped me.

now i know why i still mourn my cat who died years ago & left a huge vacuum in my heart -but do not feel the absence of relatives who have died

Isolation feels safe

I saw someone I knew and immediately got triggered simply from seeing him. Sometimes people will say hello and I lose the ability to even talk

I like being alone.

And this why I can’t keep a job.... reading comments about the age they are and how long it’s been just makes me feel like I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life...

This is exactly what is happening to me. Someone I’m getting to know, has triggered me so terribly that I can’t bring myself to message them. They are innocently (or not) setting off my abandonment fears through pictures, videos and delayed replies, I don’t know them well enough to explain why their behaviour triggered me. Avoiding them is the only way o can keep my mind at peace. It’s more peaceful this way.

I find people exhausting. But animals are energising

Your video talks to my soul. I remember when I was a child and life in my house was a living hell. My parents fought all the time. My brothers, my sister and I cried in desperation. As they grew up they started to fight each other. It was lonely being a kid with no one to talk to. I have only a few memories of having a good time being a kid and those memories are not the memories I got from living with them. I grew up being bullied for being too sensitive, I liked the girls's company, I felt safe with them. They didn't force me into anything like the boys did, like violent activities as soccer. I always felt vulnerable around other boys, as if I would always get into a fight or as if they would just beat me for no reason. When I was a teenager I was totally inadequate and socially awkward, I was very shy I didn't engage in any social activities. As an adult I had panic attacks, social phobia, bipolar disorder , the doctors never found a diagnosis and each one tried a different medication. Now at the age of 40 I managed to acquire all those abilities no one had taught me. I feel triggered especially around men, when they are too dominant, like the alpha male type, If the man is nice and approachable I will probably feel comfortable. It takes me a while to get used with the presence of people who are, how can I say, up tight, or tense, or too controling...

The neighbor's cat is sleeping on my couch as I am watching this. Working on it :)

I was going to spend Christmas with my relatives but they are so bossy all the time, it is too much. I am going to Time Out and spend Christmas Alone. Avoiding toxic people is better for me, as I am going get angry if I am being put in a toxic situation

I have to isolate or distance myself all the time because when i’m triggered my emotional/mental pain comes with a lot of physical pain too (nausea, stomach aches, shaking uncontrollably, etc) and i can’t handle it all. I want to be able to have friends but i cant handle the pain that could come as a result and i dont trust people, i always assume the worst

This is so me. I lived for almost 15 years with a horse herd alone in the middle of nowhere. People are bad news. Something always goes wrong.

"Control the Trigger without Isolating!"

I don't feel fear, not the most, I feel ANGRY the most. And frustrated. Everyone seems to say "not me, that's not my fault" and they don't seem to have nearly enough empathy.

I just found your channel a couple days ago & subscribed. I was sitting here thinking "how am I going to stop isolating & find a job?" and saw your video. I also appreciate that you keep your videos short. It helps me a lot. I am trying a new type of therapy and I hope it helps. Luckily my husband is supportive. Yep, pets- four chihuahuas!

Most people are annoying..

I love the special ones in my life but I love to isolate.... solitude gives me time to reset and recharge 💗

I’m really only calm & happy out in nature (usually alone) or in my bedroom in my comfy bed on my heating pad (I have severe fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, spinal cord compression, etc.)...Everything exhausts me. I rarely see family anymore. No one seems to understand how much physical pain I’m in. Growing up my parents had no skills to teach me anything, they scapegoated me during their divorce and are both narcissists. I had a nervous breakdown at 16, developed agoraphobia after that. I remember trying to explain that I needed help to my Mom and she said I reminded her of my Dad and threw a brush at my head. I stay in touch mostly via email. My husbands (2) were both abusive narcissists. I’m an INFJ, empath, highly intuitive, highly sensitive and I’m tired. I now have CPTSD. Pretty much all the rest of the family is successful and I’m the loner, black sheep. When all you’ve done is try to be nice and then when you try to defend yourself and that makes it worse you reach a point where you are done. Some people are just toxic. I love my parents and sibling a lot. Unfortunately they are all narcs.

Wow thank you so much. I am 51 and you just diagnosed me without ever having met you. You described my experience so well that I cant stop the tears now.

I feel betrayed by people when they go behind my back, and talk about me. I absolutely isolate and get quite and mean.

I'm an INFP, highly sensitive and I have social anxiety and some trauma. I literally dream of a connection with other people but in real life it seems impossible. I do have friends thankfully but I always seem to stand in my own way.

Late diagnosed ASD @ 40 with parents abandoning me at 33. One month before my mother died, she told me; "your father and I don't want to see you until you get your life together". Haven't spoken to my father since her funeral, 2012. Absolutely isolated for almost a decade from the hurt, grief and pain. My Asperger's makes me very naïve and pretty open and trusting but it is sooo easy for people to break my heart. And they do. As I get older, the less and less I trust myself and others. It's sad but there it is. FUBAR'd for life.

I was guided to this video. I’m 45 years old and I’m just finding out who I am and why I am the way I am. This is exactly what I do. I isolate I avoid close relationships with everyone except my husband and kids. Thank you for this, it was really helpful! ❤️

I’ll tell you this. I’ve had trouble most of my life with rejection. From friends and family. What happened to me in early years and teenage years. Never thought of it as a trigger of people but it’s exactly that. From schools to relationships. I’m not the girl to sit in the front row, I’ll chose the back row where I know I can’t be seen by people at a 360 degree angle. I was more confident in the back of the room. Hated assigned seating in school. Worst. Also, do not like confrontation by a person while in front of others. I freeze up. Now, I’ve been at the same job for 23 years, I’ve seen coworkers come and go. No matter how long I’ve stayed and what I do I feel as though I’m being judged, talked about behind my back. Every morning it’s the same thoughts, millions of things I try to reason with. What I look like, is my hair perfect, can I make a friend there, will I get embarrassed by someone today, will anyone say hello first, will I get a sneer, or a smile, will I be blatantly ignored, and watching the clock, always leave home precisely at 6 am so I won’t be late and always arrive 30 mins early. I call these trigger thoughts, it starts at 5 am and it’s all day. Just the misfit. I would love to just have sometime to be home, not having to work. Since 15 I’ve worked. Now almost divorced from a narcissist who was a lazy bum, didn’t work. I stayed too long. Now, I’m a slave to my own life. Yes I see a psychiatrist and yes I have a therapist too. It’s even when I’m off on weekends I don’t want to even go to the store. I have to talk myself into it. Take a nerve pill and wait. Anyway, this video I relate to because I think it does stem from my childhood. The people pleaser. But never pleased with myself. Thanks for putting this on KZfaq, I am triggered by others behaviors, I sense their discord with me, and if they are the life of the party and up front getting all the attention I avoid them. I am in serious crisis, all the time. FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS

When you said be isolated in family gatherings, I do that, I dont feel comfortable , I dont like engaging in adult talks even though I'm a responsible adult with ideas , dreams emotions like them, but I find myself making a way to avoid the mix I dont know if I want to change , but being a better version of yourself requires taking steps. Good video , I like it

In my 7 decades I've only had my severe and chronic ptsd acknowledged once. And it was my eye doctor who had seen my panic in full bloom especially waking up in the recovery room. That's when my cries are the loudest that "they" are doing everything in their power to destroy me. So to have more than just one leper in this isolating colony of the pandemic constitutes a much welcomed residency and validation of my heart rendering fear...

Anna my room is my cave!!!!! I am so thankful for you sweetheart!!!!! Between you and a few other utube channels I have found the will to exist again!!!! I was scapegoated by my mother .. I have been with a narcissist for 16yrs without knowing this.. He ruined my life to the point where my kids hate me and I cannot work due to an incisional umbilical hernia after having our daughter and getting my tubes tied after 4 childbirths. I've lost my drivers license due to not being able to pay for insurance. He is a mobile RV repairman and knows all sorts of important people here who like his work... He put my children in danger and they lost trust for me.... When he knows I'm at my wits end he will love bomb me until I push him away..and he ghosts us until we ask for his return... Now I'm getting help from a therapist that I could stand firm with my knowledge that I have CPTSD and I am being played by this evil man... Dr Todd Grande, Dr Led Charles, Dr Ramani, Permission to Exist, Richard Grannon, AngelicGuidance333 and of course Sadhguru, for more inner understanding and meditation to keep my outbursts down have helped me thru all of this mess!!!!! I owe all of you my life!!!!!! I am 51 I felt like I had no hope because my advanced age...but I'm working on my relationship with my teenagers and getting lots of professional advice to heal... Thank you from my whole heart beautiful lady!!!!!!!!

I think I tend to be an introvert anyway. I actually get worn out when I'm in social situations. Alone time is recharge time. That said, I grew up with a dad who had a serious drinking problem, was a very physically imposing person and never really seemed to like my brother, sister and me. I was also mercilessly bullied at school. I had no safe place. I ended up going to a different high school and I did blossom a bit from there. I had an excellent social life in high school and I think that was my saving grace. I recently went to a class reunion and was so happy to be around those people again. I did have a nervous breakdown in college at the age of 19, but I journaled and I read and I thought all was well. I married a wonderful man, been happily married for 21 years, and we have 3 children. Then, my oldest began having behavioral problems around age 9. By 14, he was diagnosed with NPD/sociopathic tendencies. All of the nightmare of my childhood came back, except instead of the pain and turmoil coming from my father, it was coming from my son. My oldest is 19 and hasn't lived with us for almost a year. I held it together to get him through high school, but I eventually had to kick him out. He spent 8 months in a mental hospital and now lives with a caregiver and has a non-family guardian, as he is also a high-functioning autistic. My middle son and I had to bear the brunt of his rages, with me doing my best to protect my other son. My oldest never bothered my youngest, who is also autistic, but the tension in the home did cause him some mild anxiety. My middle son and I have 9 years worth of CPTSD to work through. Trauma from bullies and a crappy dad to trauma from a mentally ill son. I never asked for any of this.

I’m 51, and I started self isolation aged about 13/14. I used to get bullied terribly at school, especially during the lunch break because it was about 80 minutes long! The village that the school was in had a dual carriageway on it’s outskirts and I would go and hide under a bridge which went over the DC. I would also avoid the school bus and take a regular bus, (we had passes back then) as I often got beat up on the school bus. I left school a couple of years after this all started, but I wasn’t aware that had been self isolating and so it continues to this very day. I have had an enormous amount of therapy, counselling and other treatments over the last 25 years or so. I did get married but I didn’t do it for love, I did it because I got a good job and in my mind it was the right thing to do.’ That lasted about 6 years before we separated and divorced, and for about 10 years I was chasing this impossible dream; to remarry, have more kids and live my life in the way that I believed I SHOULD do, as opposed to how I wanted to. As I said I’ve been having treatment on and off for the last 25 years, and when I first started I thought I was going to go and have half a dozen sessions and everything would be tickety boo. How wrong I was! Recovery takes a lifetime, and even then you’re only just scratching the surface, at least in my experience. The best thing I did was to accept that I will never be ‘perfect’ that although it was my mother who did a lot of damage along with the school bullies, that I can’t change the past, I can only influence the future.

I would say at this point, that my isolation is (or has reached) a chronic stage. 😢 My home has not been "picked up" since my ex left (Feb 5), self-care has been pretty nonexistent. I know I am also very codependent. And the way codependents are described (from one of your previous segments) I'm finding more reasons not to like myself very much. I am very dysregulated. Back on an antidepressant ( along with a mood stabilizer and an anti-anxiety med). I am going to get brave and start your "Daily Practice", Anna. I have been asking what friends (I have left) to "spare" me from being triggered. I thought I was just being Proactive. And you're right. If it weren't for my dog, I don't know what I'd do. Thank you for being such a kind and thoughtful teacher. I am grateful for you.

Good video. I've been living with cptsd. Since kindergarten. When you're being blamed shamed by your attackers, the attackers are called narcissist. When the rest of society blame shame you, you're called mentally ill. Told that you're sick. cause they have a chosen ignore towards what you are enduring. Cause they don't want to be aware. The way people treat you contribute to how you feel and how you respond. I've been speaking out about my mental health since I was 4. I'm now 40. I've been shunned and silenced throughout each year. I've been abused by so many people through out the years cause no one cared enough to pay attention. I'm made fun of and ignored in the work place because I behave differently. No one ever care enough to know anything about me to find understanding in why I behave so differently. They just respond to the fact that I'm too different and they don't like it. I've been stigmatized with mental I'll labels since kindergarten. Watching and listening as the adults respond to the labels as if they truly define me. Grooming me to behave as they assumed a mentally ill person should. Making it where I had no other choice than to hold back. Play whatever characters I'm told to play. That's what made things easier for them. The less I did. The less of a responsibility I appeared to be. That cost me to miss out on a lot of experiences I wanted to be apart of. Missing out on those experiences also means I missed out on the knowledge I would have gained. I was kept dumbed down and insecure. That cycle was repeated through out the years. Most people don't take the things I say serious. Cause they're constantly encouraged to ignore me. I'm ignored till I say things that match what other people want to hear. Told I'm only supposed to share the pleasant parts of my life. I've been abused for over half of my life and more than 80 percent of my life experiences are unpleasant. It leaves me with very little to talk about and very little to draw from to apply to anything. So I'm reserved and quiet. That makes others uncomfortable. When they are continuously uncomfortable when around me. They become angry. That causes me to become more shutdown. Ignoring dose not make things better for me. It makes it harder! Harder to heal, to fit in, to build and sustain confidence and security.

I’m actually enjoying the fact that by wearing masks no one can see the faces I make when I get tired of people. I can scowl unpunished. I find nowadays I’m very intolerant of any signs of perceived abuse. I admit I over-react, but I can’t really help it. I refuse to humiliate myself to have people call me, I talk back when something bothers me, instead of bottling it up, I simply am fed up with trying to be pleasant. I no longer have patience for human interaction that will not benefit me in any way. I thank my ex-narc for this. I absolutely love animals and one day I will retire and live surrounded by my cattle, by sheep, chickens, in the farm...

Omg.... yet another video that I'm, from the very beginning, nodding, tearing up and nodding some more and it just sounds like my life and my feelings coming out of the mouth of someone I've never met. It's both amazing and a bit terrifying. Thank you for putting into words what I never could and helping me understand what no one else has been able to do for me. I've been isolating for the past 12 years because I just couldn't deal with people in general and this has messed up my life in a big way. The only people in my life are my boyfriend and his Mom.

I was isolated so much as a child that I find that I am fine alone. I have lots of things to do. For me I give up. I never would have thought the one person I care most about used this knowledge against me. As if I don’t have eyes to see or ears to hear or a heart completely broken. Thank God I like me.

I relate to this, my dog Grubby kept my head above water I felt love for him, comfort from him and lucky for me he lived for 18 years but then he died and suddenly my life has gone down hill and crappy child hood has been catching up. You talk a lot of sense and as much as i love dogs i probably need to connect to humans in a real way. As a natural smiler i am able to hide everything.

When Covid lockdowns hit, I was actually excited and hugely relieved, because I had an easy and legit excuse to avoid all the social events I didn't want to force myself to go to anyway! 🤭🙃 Now I still limit my interactions; I'm much more selective about what I choose to do, and who I hang out with.

I needed this thank you i keep pushing people away i have pstd an nightmare from a bad long past..i isolate from people an cant help it.

I’ve self isolated for 40 years. No friends for that long. But , I can’t control my fear. All people have hurt me at one time or another. My world is very small. Now I have memory loss. And things are getting worse

Omg yes to everything! Crazy to hear someone else saying it, not just going thru it on your own.