DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE OVERCOMING THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A MODERN EXORCISM!!?

Sounds pretty demonic to me The narcissist was a loser from the beginning, red flags everywhere, my fault for giving him a chance. Lesson learned. Done ✅

I agree, the narcissit can make you do things that can go against your very nature, be very uncharacteristic of you. For example, I would beg for affection, and I mean literally on the floor. I didn't instantly drop to the floor, but i got there gradually. I would sob. After calming down, I would feel a flood of shame overwhelm me. Dissapointment and distgust towards myself when I would take a moment outside of the madness and realise what I had done. I didn't know who I had become. I never did these things in my life. Never stooped so low. Stooping low became a regular thing for about just over 2 years and it resulted in my poor self esteem and self image as well as a loss of DIGNITY. I think this is the spot they want you in

My father is a genius narcissist: It took 45 years to escape fully. My mother is still in there, she has ataxia (brain shrinkage) no-one knows the cause. My father once told me (in one of our final conversations) "You can't critize your mother because your mum and I are basically the same person,". My sister supports my father - my sister is a practicing psychologist who once told me, "Don't you see that by you setting boundaries you're hurting the people who love you?" - as you can tell, she is a joke as a psychologist. Black is white, up is down, boundaries are violence. I've met other genius narcissists, there are so many - how can we ever be free of these people?

If i wasnt afraid of my own abilities i wouldnt have been such an easy target for the narc in my life. Im learning how to trust and love myself.

I lost my personality, I felt numb and depressed. My narcissistic father broke me first physically and mentally. I’m 30, I realised this year, I told him about all the mistreatment,I opened up my heart to him. Later he told me, I’m jealous and then told my mother that I don’t love him anymore. I’ve never had a girlfriend or a job, I always thought there was something wrong with me. I can’t even hug people, they notice I tense up. They break you and then they play victim. I hate these people

It's not even that It's literally just the fact that someone can treat you so horribly, then dispose of you as if you never even existed. That's the part that gets to me.

I agree with you. Because the narcissit continously oversteps your boundaries time and time again, you begin to merge and the lines become blurred. In the end you dont know who you are and what you even stand for. Your selfhood is so far gone that you don't remember the last time you felt autonomous. The narcissit dismantles you and rearranges you so the parts don't fit anymore how they used to. You will walk around like a zombie, an empty shell, a person without any substance, aimless, without goal only to be told by your narcissit that you are boring, old, ageing, lifeless, when this is how they rearranged you. This zombie, outer body experience feels very borderline. You may slowly begin to think you have BPD. You will cease to live and merely exist. You will feel the end of your life. After a long time in a narcissitic relationship, you may start to see other changes to yourself. Things that you once you enjoyed you will not enjoy as much. This is more the reason for them to call you boring. At this point you dont know what is real and what is not so you will take on board the narcs criticisms of you and believe them to be real. 'Its true, I have become boring' you will think. This furthers you down the rabbit hole. Now you will feel crap about yourself for becoming boring and wonder if you are even deserving of the narc because he is fun whilst you are boring you will think. You should know that this is the start of the evil spirit getting into your head. He will create these character dichotomy between you and him in ever so subtle ways that will make you believe you are the 'problem.' After chronic narc abuse, I noticed that I my senses, particularly my hearing became very very sensitive. I just liked quiet and low volume music. I just couldn't take loud music and bass anymore. I used to feel overwhelmed in my brain. My heart beat and rhythm became ultra sensitive to bass. A discomfort would sweep over me a I would just want to jump out of my body and just leave it. Noise use to affect me. I was becoming anxious. The narc ofcourse would call me boring and a party pooper etc.

The things I did with him, I have never done before or after him. I didn't realize how much he controlled me. The hardest to recover from is that he had fully absorbed me and that I had ceased to exist before I managed to get away.

Facing self and realizing what belongs to self and what belongs to narcissist is critical for process of recovery

It makes sense whenever I tried to talk to him he would say "what are you babbling about?" He didn't want to hear me except when I was praising him.

You describe the scenario with such accuracy. I felt very small and like I’d been put in the corner. And yes, muted. Kindness and humour were reserved for others while I was the dumping ground for rage and paranoia. A deep sense of loss and betrayal. So confusing and completely devastating to my sense of self, which is taking ever so long to reestablish. What a helpful video, thank you! 🙏

You are the only person that REALLY gets it and doesn’t give the same stupid bs advice everyone else does

I exited the Narcissistic System in my family…this information is helping me process the trauma I have stored in myself. And start a new life.

He used to tell me we are the same or we are one. If he was upset me he'd say when will we be the same? I loved him so much. I didn't mind being one with him, if he didn't make me feel like I was unworthy for him. His actions and words over and over made me feel this way. But he'd get mad if I said I'm not good enough for you. Everyone and their mother knew I was too good for him, I knew it too, but the constant thoughts of not being good enough were overwhelming and by the end were my only thoughts. He left and I still have these feelings that I was never good enough for an old alcoholic man. I did things like begging for sex and attention. Sometimes on my hands and knees crying. I never had to beg before. I felt so ugly and unlovable. It honestly felt like when I was a teen and I would argue with my dad over what a loser I was. It was the same feelings, almost the same reactions. Yet, when I looked at him I didn't see a 60 year old man, I saw a little boy who I wanted to love and take care of. If he didn't make me feel so worthless , I would've given myself totally to him.

The narcissist used to belittle me and critisize me ( still does) in front of my son . Now that my son is 20, he s become his fathers' fan or flying monkey although i have a relatively good and warm relationship with him. The problem now is that although the narcissists criticism doesnt bother me anymore, it hurts when i see my son taking his side all the time !

There is are lessons in something so tragic and painful. One of them is identifying bad behavior and the other is the developing the skill and discipline to remove these people from your life.

my most regret is put my kids at risk for having psychopath dad and they have to live with fear and obedience.

At work, I was a respected professional. At home, I wasn't allowed to watch certain TV programs. The tribunal ruled at home, not reason. How did I let it get so far out of control. Thirty years later and I am going through the same trials with my daughter. I stopped it, took action. Now I am shunned by my daughters and my grandchildren. Where is the comfort in that? I think I would rather have just humored her. But then, the abuse continues.

NPD persons are a severe danger to someone with BPD. They awaken sociopaths and self destruction in BPD. Your videos on awareness and how to deal is literally saving lives.

I’ve been trapped in a horror movie for 32 years, my husband wants to visit me on weekends (because I “remind him of home”), and live in another city with his 2 year transactionship, the young and dumb 36 year old single mother gold digger, that he likes to “hang out” with and “have fun”….that was his explanation of why he left a 32 year marriage “I like hanging out, it’s fun”…and of course, “I don’t know”, “I didn’t mean it”, “it was never my intention “, “I still love you more than anything “….I now wake up with tremendous gratitude for the universe, IM FREE NOW, LET HIM LIVE A LONG TIME(with inoperable pancreatic cancer) and be able to support me for the rest of his miserable life

Even at times when I can accept some healing and start to move on with my own life, at times, it's almost crushing to realize the parent I've stuck my children with... they dont deserve the shit him makes them deal with...

This bit at 6:24 - 7:35 about self-gaslighting is fascinatingly true. My ex accused me of writing something demeaning (as if quoted) about him in my diary, and when I looked back through every notebook of mine, I never found the specific quote that he accused me of writing about him… he seemed to believe it was actually written, but it never was!

Yes! My ex always accused me of gaslighting him! It absolutely infuriated me.

Sam I think you're probably one of the most criminally underrated men of today. So many people who are ignorant to this knowledge could be changing their lives for the better. I hope you don't mind but I put a screenshot of one of your videos on my tinder profile in an attempt to get someone to watch it or find someone else who watches your stuff. Thank you for all you do.

I haven’t been able to move forward or heal, and recently realized that I felt that my inner child was raped of her innocence by the narcissist. Hearing this discussion about the narcissist inducing infantilism, it makes so much sense now. This is the first time since the discard in the fall of 2019 that I’ve heard this info. I think it is the missing link. Thank you so, so much.

Oh yes!! I was totally puppet in his hands. I felt so out of touch with myself. I was like being remote controlled by him

Watching your videos, first I got scared, I am still scared of how fucked up things are, then I thought I was a narc ( I have no idea though) , then I was at awe how this works, now I am in the process of learning and understanding more. I was doing things that i did not even know I was doing. Meditation ..sometimes, Mindfulness, Awareness and now I am constant creating boundaries and looking at my own actions. Though I was reading many books and trying to figure out what's wrong... I never got the answers. Finally the mystery is getting unfolded, slowly I am truly grateful.

I have gone through this from the start to the end... The result I found a stronger version of myself and am truly grateful regardless of everything I went through . 💎⭐💛👌⭐💎🌻

He's in my head when he isn't around, music ❤️ helping. It is fear, a big black cloud.

This explains every relationship I’ve ever had with a man, beginning with my father. It explains the moral injury, lack of boundaries, and any sense of personal sovereignty. This is the first time I’ve understood to what degree I’ve supplied the victim, the nightmares, and the screams in this horror movie. It’s time I walked off the set. Thank you.

Sam is the Einstein of narcissism.

Thank you for this. "Reduce the narc to a walk on part.... contradict the voice", yes!

Can't wait to hear more tips and tricks on separation individuation; perhaps a whole another video would be great!! YOU'RE AMAZING 👏 💖 ❤

Even though I have gained control of myself back, sometimes I still find it hard to distinguish with 100% certainty my inner voice from his play. I’m getting better at it though. It takes a very strong sense of self to counteract this bs.

It's rather hard to reverse roles w/ a Narcissist when they fly into explosive rages @ the slightest whiff of rebellion.

Ong!!!! This analogy clicked with me. I’m the producer/ director now. Not an actor on theatre. I didn’t know I was on the stage, lights on theatre, there was no audience or director … it was my show. Thank you. 💜

Thaaaaank u cause I’m trying to get her and the thoughts of her out of my head!

An excellent explanation of "self gas lighting." It was so frustrating when they said , "You really don't remember saying that!?!" I was almost doubting my own memory.

I wrote a story based on the narcissist as a cypher in a Shakespeare play… someone in the shadows, of non-importance. your video’s are serious psychology and therapy sessions… exactly what the Universe ordered for me

Professor Vaknin, your model of a narcissist as a mother figure or parental figure whose dominant voice overrides one's own superego makes perfect sense. Thank you for this important, insightful video.

Very interesting. Divorced 10 years and to this day the narc won’t let go of me. I treat him with respect as we are co parenting. He messages me a few times a year that I am crazy, a bad parent, started crazy lawsuits against him etc. He is angry because he started the lawsuits and ruined himself financially in the process. He took one child away and is now mad at me because he has to take care of her. He is mad because I hold my own and don’t agree, nor internalize his negative perception of me. You are correct. No matter what I do, how respectful I am. He has created an Avatar of me that is HIS Truth. He is angry because I told him he is entitled to his truth but it doesn’t make it my reality, nor reality at all. Your videos have been incredible helpful to understand their disorder, heal myself and survive coparenting with a malignant narcissist. Ten years done, three more to go. I already scheduled an appointment with myself for Bonfire Day. When the last child turns 18, I’ll burn my legal documents and roast marshmallows.

Wow…my relationship with my father. At 64 years old I’m learning to stop the self judgement and fierce inner critic and from this video can see very clearly where it came from. 😊 thank you

Ah Sam. I lived this for over 25 years and have never heard my experience described better! Thank you for all that you do

This video is a golden nugget! So, the person with the narcissist is no longer home in the castle of her mind and ends up bringing to the world the exact manifestation of the bad version of her he had designed in his mind photo shop? It is like if they had teamed-up to sacrifice her and her life, as if they had conclued that the "play" was worth obliterate her and her life to let the character take place and manifest the play? Why and when does she make the choice to let the narcissist bind and take her superego to the dungeon then replace it by the introject? Is it during the inaugural idealization phase and for the benefit of the good things the shared fantasy was supposed to bring her? When she realizes it was a bad deal and wants to cut her losses and grow, is there additional techniques to bring the superego back faster in her mind and kick the introject out permanently? How long will this introject-mechanism can be operating? Does it explain why she cannot think or make even the smallest easy decision while being over the phone with the narcissist? This is so insane!

Exactly the story of my previous life. Not only putted fantastic dialogues in my mouth but also sometimes claimed have saw me doing something I didn't do, and always in order to have a reason to humiliate me more. It was a nightmare.

Thank you for validating the fact that I am not crazy for thinking that my narc dad is controlling, manipulative who I am seeing through right now. You described my childhood and teenage years in this video.

The actor analogy is so fitting as my ex was an actor. Even with nearly two years strict gray rock, he certainly is directing the show. His presence is everywhere and the triggers seem ti have gotten worse. I was in 23 years and 3 teenagers. Still, I’ve been doing the work and feel so defeated. I can’t seem to shake off what I know should be shaken off by now. I’m repeating this video and feel like it offers some direction and answers. Thank you.

Dr..your videos are a service to humanity. I have noticed that I keep attracting narcissists. I think the fear of being alone for a lifetime especially in a patriarchal society like India is really tough. How can I stop attracting such people?

Double yummy 😂😂😂 or double whammy 😅. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. Very interesting and helpful!

This is one of the most eye-opening videos . I have seen all the previous videos. Now i makes sense. No matter what you (I) do, you (I) can never be anyone other, then the person the narcissist has of you (me) in his mind. Looking so much forward to more videos on seperation individuation. Thank you professor Vaknin 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Thank you I have felt like my partner doesn’t hear me when I speak- outrightly ignores me (like I am mute) or claims things I have said as his own or claims I have said stuff I haven’t I’ve been feeling so confused but after 2 days away in my own space (a tent near the beach- heaven) & listening to this I have a better understanding & the confusion has lifted Thank you

Omg thank you, I knew this was not my imagination- he does this to me all of the time and even though the security cameras record all our conversations, he refuses to listen and when he did one time, accused me of manipulating the tapes- even though he was sitting right next to me. It is crazymaking. I just got out- and I am staying out- no one deserves this.

This explains why my ex was so angry with me when she dreamed about me cheating on her. It also explains a lot of her anger when I didn't do things that she inexplicably expected me to.

wow, so many times i have told my ex to stop putting words in my mouth that i have never, ever said. this is all very alarming and illuminating.

Now, this is news I can use. Thank you! I love the part about how I get to mute the narcissist and treat him in a contrary was as he did me. I like also that when I hear him in my head, I get to fire back and my point is the only authority. 😊

My mind is BLOWN. He constantly manipulated my speech and I often felt that he was projecting everything on to me that he felt but wouldn’t say to his mother.

If I ever manage to leave, it will be thanks to you. I do not feel strong enough yet..

BOOM 💥 me and my son are almost free!!! 🦋

Professor Vaknin, thank you.

Hi dr vaknin, on this idea that someone seeks a narcisist/BPD seeking the unconditional love mother never gave them.....what i don't understand is the following....even if someone had unconditional love from mother, one might argue that this created a model for what they seek in their future partner. In other words, even people who had unconditional love can still seek what the narcissit/BPD offer because that was the model of love mother gave them. I'm not sure that the absence of unconditional love leads to seeking narcissistic/BPD relationships anymore than the presence of unconditional love in your childhood

Excellent video! Clear, concise and meaningful. As someone who’s been married for 30 plus years and a psychoanalyst, it took me a long time to figure this out! But when I did There was no going back, the world was opened! Thanks Sam for all your videos!

As long as I consider myself a victim of the narcissist this victimization freezes the emergent role rendering the locus of control firmly with the narcissist. It is up to me to reduce him to a minor role or prop in a new play I must write. Otherwise I perpetuate the narcissist's control over my own drama. I must become the playwright, director and main character and speak back to, direct, the now irrelevant prop in the play. The victimization that is perpetuated by all those in the public video realm and those professionals who take that line of thought keep us stuck in the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

This is one of a few moments..when I feel that intelligence is relevant to day-to-day life

Every lecture I watch seems to carry a more important lesson amd message than the last one. Thank you, Professor.

Absolutely spot on.. I hear him.... but I go against that now, well I try my hardest.... the worst part is I worked all this out , but ignored it... you Sam, have made me see that I was right all along.... thank you ❤❤❤

I feel hopeful in beginning to fight back the very real voice of my mother in my head. It’s the hardest thing, because life happens so fast sometimes. Thank you and I am very glad you talked about victimization. I refuse to be a victim and accept that because that is the role my mom played and she allocated I play it as well. It’s a role that made me experience suffering that no child should go through. I encourage others to truly look at the damage of accepting yourself as a victim. You are not just that. You can be a survivor, a fighter, and always a better person!

"of course it's true, because I'm saying it" 😂 Thank you for sharing your work, professor Vaknin 🙏 I'm in the process of recreating my own "theater play" and you've provided, and continue to provide, an invaluable contribution to it. I'll be sure to credit you wherever I may in the future--that is, if this is me speaking and not a "narcissistic flea" of past residual grandiosity. Thanks for helping me, my family, and the world.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge, Sam 🤗

Good Morning Dr. Vaknin, I was thinking this about your work on Narcissim, and the wounding that occurs to prevent the development of true self / creation of false self and your work on cold therapy. I was wondering if you have done any videos on if the narcissist can ever truly access states of being loved or loving in any kind of authentic, safe or embodied way. My impression from your work is that in fact, this is not possible. You also made a video of "not healed"... which also points to this position as I interpret it. I have not yet read your book but am looking forward to doing so. Thank you again for all your tireless work, efforts, dedication and generosity. Bless You.

You look especially handsome today. I'm looking forward to this, recently decided to stand up for myself, embrace the ideas from your self love video, and run. Thank you Professor Sam Vaknin.

I never heard the situation put in that context before but it makes a lot of sense. I remember once I heard the narcissist in my mind and even though she was not in my presence I was extremely nervous and my hands were sweating.

Thank you Professor. Looking forward to your future dialogue with Richard Grannon

Psychology/Sociology needs such teachers - making sense of an overly complicated means of 'knowing what to do' during the most difficult timeline ... Children are asking; "Does anyone know what is happening!"

Thank you for that wonderful insight for the ending of your video was the best part which holds the key to freedom from the narcissist in my mind that I am no longer on the strings of his puppet mastery I take back my power and I run my show myself. I delegate the role however big or small that the narcissist plays in my life which in my case I need to eliminate all together However it will take time in order to do this but in the meantime I have a renewed mental strength and capacity to view The narcissist as a very minor player.

Unbelievable. Thank you Professor. Your videos have provided profound insight and are so eerily accurate.

This video is so amazing it blows my mind This video explains the dynamics of psychological narcissism. It is a sadistic entity critic that must be silenced and contradicted in order for separation individuation. WOW!

Totally true now I clearly understand what I was passing through Thousands of thanks

Thank you 😊 God bless you! I am doing it. Sometimes that voice lurks out in a gaze of contempt. At times it doesn’t prompts out as voice. It comes as a visual memory of him. It makes you think and feel like you’re looking at people with disgust, anger and hatred as the narcissist does. It asks you to disregard and hurt people. I am gradually separating myself from him. When I separated from my covert narcissist, I thanked him for the lessons I learnt. He tried to hover on and pull me in. But I had noticed the pattern in his behaviour. I didn’t wish to be part of the cycle. I didn’t know it that he had a personality disorder called narcissism. I jBut after I watched your lessons on narcissistic abuse. I understood that I absorbed unconscious narcissistic patterns from him along with the lessons. His negativity energy pops out subconsciously or unconsciously. Due to meditation and self affirmations, it seems to be clear and peaceful . But It feels like foreign entity in your being.

Breaking the trauma bond is easier said then done

Ur so good at explaining my brain!

Shalom , Prof. Vaknin 👍

Yup that's exactly how it felt like. A play and I had a "role". I detected it early thx to you Dr Vaknin.

God bless you Sam Vaknin. The world is a better place because of you.

Good evening! My favorite professor. Thank you for your wisdom.

Mute them and turn them in the actor in the movie that you want them to be in, and not the other way around. Yes I could feel that slow attempt of making me feel inadequate. Is like a brainwash where they induce yo to lose your identity and individuality.

תודה תודה תודה על כל הסרטונים, הידע, ההבנה...שושנים ובונבונים ובעיקר Where have you been all my life?

You opened my eyes.

Hi Sam, I cannot thank you enough for all the information that you have shared on Narcissism and Nothingness. The level of clarity with which you talk about Narcissism is highly commendable. It helps me understand each and every aspect of my encounter with the narcissist. It is so surprising that we ourselves are able to understand the concept of introject and voices of introjects. To get such an understanding we have to think of what we are thinking or keep our mind on where our mind is going. It's like bringing our awareness to all these voices in our heads. Having a stable core and a strong understanding of oneself is very important to cope up with the abuse and its aftermath. Way to go Professor Vaknin..!!

You always amaze me, i did this without even knowing i had to do it, and it worked wonderfully,, better than i can even hoped for, thank you for your work Prof Vaknin ❤️

This video, I probably needed more than any other. I never figured out what to do with the narcissist in my mind. Thank you, Sam.

I definitely understand what you are saying. But I definitely did have to see myself as a victim first, because prior to that I believed I deserved it. By seeing myself as a victim, I was able to un-victimize myself by realizing I did not earn it and was actually a person that could untangle that voice. You have to realize you are low to climb higher. you have to realize your role in crafting and enabling the process. by realizing you are in pain and it isn't your fault, you can yank the pain away from the narcissistic person it stops fueling the process and you win the pain games by refusing to play. realizing you are a victim is probably the first step in getting separate. because then you realize the playing field is not level. then you are able to separate and individuate from the process. I suppose it really depends on what you see as a victim, I guess lol.

Wow. Thank you!!!

If you only knew how helpful this if for people who have been exposed cultlike groups with narcissistic leaders. This helps for relationships too, i think you described a cult leader even better though.

Thank you !

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Thank you, Sam.

Excellent advice, be whatever else he wanted you to be, I have been doing it intuitively for the last few weeks and i already see the change for the better! Snap out of the victimhood. Thank you for this video! This seemingly small piece of advice can be a life changer for many

This is true, very true. Mine once told me, "I can never punish you as much as you can punish yourself in your head". And I did. For years. And in a way it's still going on. Your videos empower me by helping me to understand some stark realities. Thank you.

Huge joy seeing a new video of yours out here 😊