The narcissistic lobotomy, you end up just staring out of a window with no thoughts, no emotion, you just shut down. It's hard to wake up.

When I came out of my relationship, the first thing I thought to myself was “you can’t make this shit up, it needs to be made into a movie”

A nightmare that leaves you in shock. 😔

I thought it was Professor Vaknin in the thumbnail , him and Lacan do look like twins!

"Every attempt to explain herself is dismissed that causes her lack of identity" . Yep.

Incredible. Narcs are robots, the virtual simulation. So Professor non-directly confirmed - we live in a simulation. This is not our world. It's theirs

Brilliantly put, Sam: "Outsource your identity to me, because I've taken your authentic original identity, and trampled it underfoot."

My narc was such a big fat forking zero of a person. Not a thought in his head. Big fancy job, but absolutely the inner world of a gnat. Shortly before his very dramatic, narcissistic collapse, I was cleaning our garage and I thought to myself, wow. If he were to die today, the only thing I’d have to find a home for is his yeti cup collection and his ball caps. 50 years old, but zero interests beyond multiple addictions. What a sorry existence he had. I am so glad to be divorcing him. Let life begin.

Parents and family and friends do this too. It steals your time and energy and health. Stay strong ❤

I remember towards the end of the relationship he said to me "All you seem to do is gaze out of the window "now I know why .

Oooh, so accurate. That is exactly what they do. It’s a mind rape.

This video is a TEXTBOOK of pure genius level, eye opening wisdom!!!!! I consider myself privileged to be alive in the same decade as Prof Sam Vaknin.

Since Lacan says The Unconscious is structured like a language, I can see how the narcissist uses language to steal the Other’s unconscious.

Wonderland really is a nightmarish world. Where things don’t make sense, you start doubting yourself, up is down and so on. And the characters in it are dismissive and speaking in riddles, confusing you even more, or are downright hostile. It truly is a great analogy for a relationship with someone with npd or aspd. You left us in suspense though, Sam! How do we reset our system and come back to normal?

Been there. Stay there long enough you'll lose yourself 👍🏽

I just woke up 2 weeks ago during an attack. The hollow statements triggered the lights and it is a complex nightmare the way the furniture of my mind is arranged. Covert Narcissist Weaponized pity was the hook. And now it must end.

I was married to a crazy making vulnerable, intellectual narcissist….as I watched this I recalled that his favorite book is Solaris 😱😨😬☠️

Dr. Vaknin, Thank you. I finally get the hall of mirrors and looking into him as a mirror. Incredible and yet, disturbingly sad. He did not exist. You are a brilliant teacher.

I won't forget this lecture until the end of my life.

Dr. Vaknin’s resemblance to Jacques Lacan is uncanny!

I have to give you MUCH LOVE for the outpouring of knowledge you share in relating to the Narcisse Virus. You diligently put in AMPLE amount of content that hasn't been taught as you do. Your videos helped me to recognize EVERY action of this monster, but unlike most people I left. Because of you I'm aware..thank you, for dedicating so much of your life to this matter, it's more epic than we'll ever understand, be blessed

😢😢😢😢😢...I'm crying for myself more than 30yrs leaving in hell...I'm crying for all narcissists because they were once good kids but traumatized n became Narcissists! Oh God why😢😢😢😢

My ex, if he was a narcissist, had the ability to draw the strength out of you. I would quite frequently be tired and would be grateful to get some sleep. A couple of times I awakened to find him sitting on the side of the bed beside me while I was sleeping with his face very close to mine, almost touching me and smiling. I did not know what to make of it.

Fragmentation to wholeness, back to fragmentation.. It's 🎼🎵 The Hokey Pokey!!!🎶 "you put your left hand in, you take your left hand out.. 🎶you put your right hand in and you Shake it all about..🎵 You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, And that's what it's all about!!🎶 Repeat refrain until every part of you has been shaken and turned around.. That's really what it's all about, simply repetition until you tire of the musak!

Is it common that a true narcissist often accuses others, particularly their past partners, as narcissists, and labels themselves as a victim of narcissism? Especially in this day and age when it such a popular topic.

its a different story when parents do it and still think they are self righteous piece of s##t

Sam - you look like a young Jacques Lacan!

It’s like the movie IT…your deepest fears you must face…

I worked with a narcissist for four years and challenged her order of reality many times. Her salvation as a person- and relief for others in her life - was her devote Christian faith. She went to another assignment and it was there she was able to reflect on her mistakes and how they affected her former co-workers. She was genuinely sorry for how she behaved. Signs of healing was her return to our workplace for a visit with an attitude of humility and seeking forgiveness, and those same co-workers attending her funeral as a sign of their forgiveness.

I often made reference to Alice in Wonderland when referring to my narcissist and our relationship not with this in depth analysis but because nothing was ever as it seemed and the world needed to continously acclimate itself to the constantly changing ideals and impossible to please narcissist. Everything was constructed for me to fail and disappoint. But I don't think I ever fell in love with him, that's moot today because we had a child together.

Thanks for making these. I’ve been a long time watcher but finally reached out for help last week. Now I will be attending treatment for PTSD. Thanks for helping make sense of what is going on in the mind, and offering a reflection of my own shortcomings

Everyone talks about narcissists. How would it look if you were married to a psychopath? Not a murdering one, but one that looks so benign that no-one notices anything but the charm. He feels nothing, he is disabled. He entertains himself with thrills. Crime, especially, getting away with it. Sex becomes pornography and she is a tool for him to achieve his physical gratification. No-one sees it because he only shows charm. Only she sees the dead glance. She knows she cannot leave.

Sam vaknin 's best ever !

Question Sam...if the abuser becomes the mother figure of the victim, and the victim the mother of the abuser, is it reasonable to think that part of the initial attraction is their own Co-dependency? They see strength in each others struggle so assume the role of a parent for each other? However for the Narc its a short term strategy to hook their target. Once the target is trauma bonded they do the take away and withdraw their parental welfare for the victim. Its only the victim who is assuming the role of the mother figure, long term atleast? The Narcs tendency to be narcisistic is only concerned about supply for themselves.

Sounds like the narcissist trap is like; the oracle’s matrix wisdom language mirroring; a matrix spell bound narrative … Trix’s are for kids. (70’s Cereals commercial)

Professor Vaknin, thank you.

Perfect, and amazing. Thank you so much for your work, for the goodness of all feeling persons...

I love all the Spanish literary references, and Alice trough the looking glass, just amazing and poetic.

Amazing likeness to the thumbnail! Another great vid too, thankyou Dr.Vaknin

Thank you, Professor Vaknin. I would drown at this point of life without your lectures. At age 43 you’ve opened a new dimension to my lifestory and a genious insight. I ask myself if we borderlines ever stop bonding with narcissists?

My ex referred to Alice in Wonderland quite frequently. He had the book. WOW!

yes. thank you so much for this. this is exactly what I needed to hear.

If you are deep thinker and try to understand others and reflect do not think that everyone is so deep level. Try to remember your childhood. I can rember my thoughts and feeling being 5 years old. So I can understand how shallow I was and a narcissist is forever.

Well done Professor Vaknin! Thank you for your superb insightful understanding of narcissism with the help of Lacan's linguistic approach! This is very important and helpful! Simply brilliant! 🙂🌻💛🙏

Thank you so much for sharing this, it's inspiring to see a survivor like yo.

Wow! Thank you so much. Helped me make sense of a lot.

My favourite yet! Fantastic!

Annihilation the movie is another perfect metaphor for the experience of narcissistic abuse...omg the end scene!!?? I was still w my narcissist when I saw this movie and it affected me so profoundly it has never left my mind. I have prayed that someone else would say they saw the same thing when they watched this movie!! Decode??

You are the foremost authority and 100 percent reliable.

Thank you for the beautiful explanations good Sir. A good way to start the morning.

The ugliest of Narcs act identical to the most beautiful Narcs. And they are definitely not cute enough to try acting that way. If you think a Narc cant be uglier they definitely are. Even if they are delusional and they are most definitely delusional.

Thank you so much.

As you metioned Lem, he's one of my favourite authors and I can really recommend his "The Futurological Congress" as an addition to this great literature list.

u r genius thank u for sharingthis knowledge Sr Vaknin

Again, the process is like my deconstruction/deconversion from religion - more specifically it's the Christianity I'd been sold.

Very interesting. I find myself to be similar to Alice in your description of the text. It seems that other people know what is left and right, up and down, while I feel mostly disoriented, changing opinions as I go to fit whoever I happen to come into contact with. I can hardly make my own judgements and I am slow to react and say things for certain. I come to believe that my father targeted me. I am highly certain he is a narcissist, though he’s not diagnosed. But why me? Is it normal for a narcissist to target, disorient, and mind control particularly one child? I have seven older siblings, and they don’t seem to be as disoriented as I. I am happy with my achievements, and where I am at in life, but feel empty and still trying to find myself at 25.

First... lol now to listen

What a twist, Professor Vaknin!

Sometimes I get it, sometimes I lose it. I'm still in it, he's dead.

Cheers Sam.

That was a very luring cover photograph :)

Oh my God. You quoted Carl Jung, from January 16… And that’s my birthday. This world IS a (nightmare) simulation.

Brilliant thumbnail pic!

My nightmare is, I suppose, better for my wife than her own nightmare. That I feel confidently certain about. When my world becomes less of a nightmare, then I get a glimpse of her own and let me tell ya... My nightmare is far superior.

Loved the Alice in wonderland reference.

thank you proffesor Vaknin . To me this whole video talks a lot of relationships in general , we share the dream of our partner as we dream them also.Im out of a relationship with a bpd woman and this concept its more present almost all the time , it does have a dreamy and ethereal quality to it. Mostly it feels like every time a chaotic or violent situation generated from the bpd person is like coming back to a tangible reality , its the way for them to come down to earth , i also think sex has a lot to do with this.

It's all so sad, and then, some 😥

Very interesting!!!

Lacan was well known for fathering children with married actresses.

You are the gift that keeps on giving. Would you consider doing a video on the medical history of vaccines? How did they come about etc? Who began the idea?

Wow, Sam, it's true -- you are Lacan's twin. Uncanny.

Professor, please comment on the relation between this self, false self and the ideas of the one Self in Advaita Vedanta. I was with a narcissist who claimed he and I merged and I was actually him That he was everyone because there were no others, as he was the one universal "Self". He also said constantly that I need to kill my mind and that he was trying to destroy my identity as a person so I could silence my mind, realize the Self and become liberated. I feel you would be interested in the works related to these two topics by Stephen Wolinsky, who writes about Quantum Psychology. It unifies these topics. Thank you, Professor.

Are you sure you are not Lacan's brother? :) Thanx again for the video

Professor Vaknin thank you for the explanations and especially citing the many authors and pertaining writings. How do you explain the psychological interpretations of Homer, Lewis Carroll etc. to their awareness or lack thereof while writing? Did these authors write with the intent of creating the psychological themes/moods etc.? Thank you.

Professor Vankin, do you think the movie perfume is an accurate description of the narcissist?

I am getting traumatized after listening to... thinking if liquid drops drain on fire it starts to burn if it does contain flammable substances otherwise it won't burn and it may also shutdown destructive fire.

so how do u reboot the entire system?

It would be interesting to hear how different ways people perceive narcissistic behavior. I believe narcissist are not omnipotent, not everyone get intangled losing their own reality. Or is it so?

He would like the resemblance as you are nice looking

Can you please make a video on what to do when you can't go no contact with the narcissist? 🙏 im living in strict contact with a narcissist (in his house/bed 😭) and he's driving me crazy...I can't leave for another month or so for financial reasons. How do I not go insane? Help please thank you P.S. Note: I REALLY can't go no contact, I'm not fooling myself. All I have is 60€ in my pocket, I have found a job but I'm not going to be paid at least for anither month (and I'm being optimistic) help please 🙏

and oh how sad, to hear such details of which I can painfully resonate with, yet, so many are so willing to not questions the narcissist, thus sadly, leaving the victim isolated even more, and those who have something to gain by being faithful it the narcissist bankful (invested in, these narcs loyal subjects, sadly, ill brained individual's, seduced with or given free vacations offered, bribed, delusional, free from their insecurities, finally pulled up as to believe along with their flying (again agenda driven....free condo on the white sands beach of Florida...yep...vomit...err yuck gross, free beach vacation flying monkeys....eeek.....yuck....gross!!! that supporting Narcissistic abuse, ignoring truth, and so get to ugh, gross, ick enjoy, indulge, in their entitled messed up thinking...not giving a care for one second as to what their support of the Narcs abuse has actually caused and the length and depth of what this asshole has caused harm to) these slave driven mutes of truths, are driven to, for a few days of braggart ego-gasms of we out of the 365 days out of the calendar year, sell their souls to the Narcissist, all for hopes that in trade they might get to post picks with lobster birthday dinners spread amongst those who could only dream of such generosity whilst the abuse, torture, neglect and abandonment goes on for REAL and all the while the Narc runs free from blame as to the destruction he has strategically planned, placed and plotted in his best interest for his ultimate discard and oh how sad, to hear such details of which I can painfully resonate with, yet, so many are so willing to not questions the narcissist, thus sadly, leaving the victim isolated even more, and those who have something to gain by being faithful it the narcissist bankful (invested in, these narcs loyal subjects, sadly, ill brained individual's, seduced with or given free vacations offered, bribed, delusional, free from their insecurities, finally pulled up as to believe along with their flying (again agenda driven....free condo on the white sands beach of Florida...yep...vomit...err yuck gross, free beach vacation flying monkeys....eeek.....yuck....gross!!! that supporting Narcissistic abuse, ignoring truth, and so get to ugh, gross, ick enjoy, indulge, in their entitled messed up thinking...not giving a care for one second as to what their support of the Narcs abuse has actually caused and the length and depth of what this asshole has caused harm to) these slave driven mutes of truths, are driven to, for a few days of braggart ego gasms of we out of the 365 days out of the calendar year, sell their souls to the Narcissist, all for hopes that in trade they might get to post picks with lobster birthday dinners spread amongst those who could only dream of such generosity whilst the abuse, torture, neglect and abandonment goes on for REAL and all the while the Narc runs free from blame as to the destruction he has strategically planned, placed and plotted in his best interest for his ultimate discard

How? Cuz most narcs a beautiful.

Is this in the bargaining phase or shared fantasy?

Sam, you're Jacques Lacan's clone!!!! Wth!

With technology and ignorance...

This sounds like someone the pole opposite of God . Yet God !