Married to a narcisist for 32 years. He did not listen. It was unbelievable. To him I did not exist. Hard to understand and accept. I was truly invisible. So glad I was brave enough to get out.

To a narcissist, you are either a resource to be exploited, or a threat to be eliminated.

Denigrate, Diminish, Disrupt. Ridicule, reduce, rinse, repeat. It's really obvious once you understand it. Still hurts. Just remember, they're the one's who've lost their humanity... Not you 🙌🙏❤️

You learn never to share your good news with them. You learn never to share your bad news with them. You learn to make plans and do things alone or with other, healthier people. You learn to brace yourself after you do something for yourself because you know you will have to pay for it emotionally. You learn that when they say they love you they're not lying, they're just totally clueless about the real definition of love and can only love you as their supply. You learn to live with the grief of knowing you can never really get through to them. You learn to put your foot down and keep it down. You learn how to validate your own self. You learn to love yourself again. You learn how to call it a day.

Narcissists are not listening because they are too busy thinking about themselves and on their next plan to manipulate someone.

“Abandon all communication when communicating with the insincere.” -- Richard Grannon

The very fact that Dr. Ramani says she can't lift the hurt, but she can help with the "sting"? This amazing lady has shown more empathy than many in our own families! That is why we need her to share wisdom with us!

Dated a narcissist for 8 months. Absolutely maddening. She made entirely new sentences out of everything I said. So glad I got out of that "relationship"

The most useless relationship that you'll have in your life is with the narcissist, waste of time and energy (and makes you literally sick) . Glad I ran away 3 years ago. 🎉

The more I learn about narcissists the more I realize they’re absolutely pathetic. I don’t mean that to be mean it’s more like relief. You think you’re up against this powerful foe but in reality they are so weak and fragile

My narc ex-wife kept repeating “we can’t communicate”. No, you weren’t listening to me and my ears work just fine.

This explains so much. Explains why I had to tell him things 1000 times and he still didn't get what I was saying.

After a lifetime of submission to narcissists, I found your videos. Now almost 70 and recently divorced, I am apprehensive about meeting new people, especially dating prospects. Thanks to your putting out the word, I am armed with information, understanding, and finally... self-compassion. I do not overthink my reactions to people anymore. Instead, I notice how I feel in their presence. If my muscles tense and I feel sick to my stomach, that is all I need to know. Time to walk away and not look back. Thanks a billion, Dr. Ramani! ❤

You can't tell anything to these freaks; they will simply end up using it against you. Silence is golden, but distance is even better.

I truly believe they hear the same thing Charlie Brown would hear when grown-ups would speak. I was married to one for 10 years, and it was like talking to a brick wall. It felt so liberating when our son turned 18 and I changed my number.

I love reading the comments on these types of videos. I feel sad for all the trauma people have endured from this “condition”, but honestly I must admit, it makes me feel stronger knowing I was never alone. Other people are dealing with it as well and I feel strangely bonded to total strangers because of that. I really wish you all had amazing relationships but since you did not, at least we’re in this together in a way. Silver lining I suppose. ❤

Their distorted reality is not our reality. I finally figured it out recently. The less said the better I have found. And I'm finished with work arounds. It is very freeing to walk away or go stone silent.

14:19 How I dodged my first narcissistic relationship. Pre-dated for 3 months & he remained distant and image obsessed. We were going to a show. I bought the tickets, reminded him 1 month, 2 weeks, 1 week, night of, about the event. Morning of I asked about pickup time. He said he had a tattoo appointment but he would "reschedule it if it was important to me". I immediately dropped him. People give others too much grace. Im not putting up with a man child. I'm busy, I'm tired, and I've got stuff to do. Have your ducks in a row or lose my number, I honestly don't care which one you choose

They spin what you say into something "offensive" or negative. Yes! A threat to their ego.. You can be 100% on their side, and they take your knowledge as a criticism of them..

If it doesn't concern them, they have selective hearing. Then they try to make it your fault no matter what it is. Twisting and convincing/ conniving things to benefit, not you, but them... every single time!

Yes - this is spot on. Thanks, Dr Ramani. My narc father once got a ticket for speeding in my mum's car. She got the fine and we went to the ombudsman to dispute it. I put together the argument. On the morning we were due to go, my narc father asked if I would be going with my mother to the hearing. I said, "yes". That was it. Nothing else. He went ballistic and physically attacked me. His new narrative about this is that HE was attacked in his own home for no reason! These people are poison. Nobody needs to be around them. After I had my children, I just couldn't anymore. I cut him out nearly a year ago. No contact. I feel free now.

I had a room-mate a few years back who is a classic narcissist. I really learned a LOT about the disorder at the time, but I would STILL get blown away at the INTENSITY of the attacks, and the absolute disregard for anyone other than himself. I went through a really bad colon cancer scare during that time, and I had relayed that information to my room-mate on more than one occasion. A few days later I let him know that I had gotten checked out and that I had dodged the cancer bullet. He had no clue what I was talking about. Thank gawd it wasn't a spouse... being married to that type of person must be horrifying. 😟

No matter what you say they take what you say as disagreement.

The worst is the addiction to their love and approval. The need for it. The deep connecrion they make you feel at the beginning. The kindness. Its shocking when they show the true colours,when they make you question your own life,standards, decisions. Your own feelings. I am so insecure now with what I actually think and feel, questioning if its ok,real. Crazy really. He is my biggest pain and teacher. He taught me that you can deeply love someone, or illusion of someone, and never want to see or speak with them again.

I was in the middle of a cancer scare and decided to tell my brother. I started by saying that I had a health issue. He immediately interrupted, and asked could he get it, I said no, and then he laughed and said he didn’t want to know about it. I never told him. My mom realized that he didn’t really care, didn’t really listen or have empathy, and usually didn’t tell him important things either. Our father was a narcissist but I had thought my brother was nice when he was a kid. He married someone with problems of her own who appears to have aided him to get worse over time. I have no contact and it is the best course of action, especially as he was exhibiting threatening behaviour and anger problems. When you recognise that you always seem to have to walk on eggshells in someone’s home, it’s time free yourself from the toxic environment.

The more and more I learn about narcissist personality is the more I realize it is impossible to communicate with them and should be avoided at all cost.

The only connection I can think of is that both are based on the perpetrator’s undue emphasis of his/her own thoughts/emotions. In narcissistic abuse, perpetrators usually expresses the attitude that everything centers around them. They may object to that description and even insist that they don’t believe that; but, their actions say otherwise. Virtually everything you do/don’t do gets tied back to the perpetrator as a person. You’re either doing something right b/c you’re smart, capable, etc., or you’re intentionally doing it wrong in order to hurt/anger the perpetrator in some way. You are also likely to be accused of doing it wrong, even if you’re doing it right-again b/c of the perpetrator’s thoughts/emotions. Toxic positivity is generally not perpetrated with the intention to hurt anyone, and most wouldn’t even recognize it as being toxic/hurtful; but, in most cases, the perpetrator is still oblivious to the effect it has on others, and to the value of that effect. Narcissism is a psychological disorder and, with few exceptions, abuse is perpetrated with the tangible intention of causing harm. In contrast, toxic positivity is a behavioral flaw that is essentially an extreme version of selfishness, based in denial, and is generally perpetrated with the intention of maintaining and creating happiness. Most people are selfish, in some way or another. Toxic positivity is a subtle expression of selfishness-so subtle that even the perpetrator may not realize why it’s wrong b/c, after all, s/he is only seeking to encourage/uplift people. This is where denial comes in. Most people struggle/suffer, at some point or another. I believe that most people are also aware that there are people who experience more pain than they are aware of from their own lives. Denial allows people to look at someone who reminds them of themselves and assume that they cannot be justified in their suffering b/c the observer is not suffering. Denial also allows people who have suffered to deny the significance of other people’s suffering b/c it is notably different from their own, or b/c they perceive it as being notably different. From here, there are 2 extremes: One is for them to be semi-consciously abusive-meaning that they are generally aware that their actions are hurtful; but, they rationalize it as being justified. The other is to perpetrate toxic positivity-in which they are completely unaware that their actions are hurtful and it’s difficult for them to identify why they would be. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

I remember telling my narcissistic mother that I'd been diagnosed with breast cancer. She shrugged it off saying something like oh everyone has that. Not once during my treatment did she ask how I was doing. I wasn't living with her so I guess it didn't affect her. Now I understand.

They twist everything . It's a give away for sure !

They crush souls by not syncing to what people say

'Being dismissive' hit me. Also 'for them its a threat'; when I graduated from university, when I published my book, when I made a beautifull statue, in all instances my brother would ignore it, being dismissive about it, clearly, my positive developments in any field are a threat to him. When I loose...he shines like the sun. This blatant envy is so awfull to experience again and again. Thanks for ure info!

My mother loves to compare her weight with her daughters' weight. It's sickening and incredibly superficial.

Everything you said is exactly right. It is very exhausting to deal with these people.

Please, don’t confuse with ADHD. I forget things people tell me with in a few minutes sometimes. Especially if I’m thinking about something else. Drove my hubby up the wall, until I was diagnosed and scored really high. Now he understands and things slotted into place. My grandma was a narcissist. Didn’t talk to you, if you said something that was a perceived slight. As a kid I never understood what was going on. So, that was one amazing thing about ADHD. It didn’t register until one incident, then I realised what was happening.

What bothers me, is when I ask a question or make a comment, and they reply, or go off on a tangent, that has nothing to do with what I said. It's like they hear something totally different.

The narcissist’s not listening/paying attention to what you’re saying can make you feel like you’re going insane……and cause a host of nasty ripple-effects to have to deal with later…..Thank you for clarifying what is happening behind this behavior, Doctor R❤

This video validated me so much. I couldn’t figure out why my mom had such over the top negative, angry, or out of left field responses during basic conversations. I was thinking I was losing my mind. THANK YOU

My narcissistic mother NEVER listens to anything I say. She even has tactics like Interrupting, tuning out, and even coughing loudly when I talk.

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

I am "lucky" enough to have had two kind of narcissists in my life : One would register everything I'd say (and heavily distort it) to use it against me later. The other wouldn't listen to a word. I feel like a potted plant with this person. Basically if you do those things : - having to repeat yourself one, two, or more time each time you speak to them. - rephrasing your questions many times because their answers is always off the mark. - having to go to the same room as them and physically attract their attention by getting in front of them to speak to them because calling from another room will get you nothing - never asking for anything because you know it won't be done, half a second after you asked they already forgot about it. - realizing you are being cut all the freaking time and can never finish a sentence. You are in the presence of a narcissist. Walk slowly backward and get the hell out of here.

An ex narc ‘friend’ was like this as I was healing with doing trauma therapy. She didn’t like me getting stronger and healthier, which involved standing up to her and having healthier boundaries. She would try to interfere criticize and cut me down, questioning my success and any ‘wins’ or dreams I had in life. I had enough and told her it was not ok. Haven’t heard from her since, and I’m ok with that if she can’t be supportive and kind. Grateful for the support of this community. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤

It’s better to be alone than with a narcissist. People are very imperfect, and sadly good people end up with narcissists. It’s frustrating trying to interact with people in this world.

I once asked “what about the times you challenge me and I have meaningful, valid, supportive reasons for my choices?” - she replied “most of the time I’m not listening.” It helped me come to the conclusion that what sounds like a conversation to us is generally just a power game to them. So conversations are about power. I want to be acknowledged, for the other person to admit I was competent and did well - but this would upset the power imbalance. Admitting I am competent would in their eyes sealing them in comparison to me. So why would they do it? Once you remove fair play and empathy, the thought process seems to make “sense” from a certain amoral perspective … that’s not a good thing.

The common denominator it seems is narcs rarely live in the present, they're usually stuck in a endless loop of past events, emotional distress, psychological turmoil & their own personal interpretation as what those things mean (along with false self maintenance). In other words, they're in Lala Land, a false reality, so they CAN'T see or hear anything or anyone else consistently, not even themselves 😂

I remember when I told my mother I was pregnant with my first kid (her first grandchild) she responded: ,,That's crazy! I bought these pants the other day and later I found out they were pregnancy pants." Then she proceeded to talk about the new pants and she brought them to show them to me. A few minutes into her monologue her husband said: ,,Maybe we should congratulate." Edit: I recently announced my second pregnancy to my mother and this time she said: ,,Good, at least with a new baby your first son will learn not to be a brat."

Lol I’ve literally been through the ‘better view in the restaurant’ thing with a partner. He complained that I’d sat down in the best seat without thinking about it. I responded that he got to sit in that seat last time (and all the times). He made it seem as though it was me, not him, being childish about such a small thing. To not seem childish I ended up always conceding the better seat. This is a relationship of over 20 years. I left him 4 weeks ago.

There are a lot of times where I question whether “he” is a narcissist or not.. but this is the first time I’ve heard you mention the problem of them not listening when you tell them things, and YES. That is 100%!! It was one of the first red flags and unfortunately I ignored it since these days most people have short attention spans :( thanks for explaining this so well!

For me, the conversations with the narc go like this. I come home from work, she asks “how was your day?” The moment anything in my reply triggers something in her, whether that be a brief pause for breath or something I say, she interrupts to spend ten minutes talking at me about her day. Never mind that I’ve just walked in the door, have not yet even gotten my shoes off or anything. In other words, all ‘conversations’ are, for her, nothing other than opportunities to spew her own story. It’s a monologue really.

Sounds like talking to my relatives. They don't listen to me unless they're looking for an excuse to be offended. Instead, everything I say gets distorted.

This is so helpful! A vp I report to suddenly turned her angry attention toward me and my team and is questioning even the need for our positions and work we do. I’ve tried to remain calm and explain things from my perspective but her responses are absurd and harshly personal. Now I get why- she sees us as competing with her instead of as a valuable department asset. These narc people are exhausting!

Thank you for this video. As a partial narcissist your videos really help me to work on myself. I force myself to pay attention to what the other person is telling me. It’s hard work. It’s like my mind just doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t care, and wants to bolt out of that conversation like a wild horse but I reign my listening skills in and force myself not just to hear the words but think about them.

Eye opening : I called my narcissistic sister and was sharing a story about dropping of some mortgage motification papers to a homeowner who I had never met. He was very upset and pulled a gun on me..... which I was able to calm him down and leave his home. As I shared this with my sister on the phone, she said uh huh, sounds good. I stopped her and asked what sounded good with a gun being pulled on me ?? She paused and with anger said , Ok you caught me, and you win.... so strange for sure... she was very mad at me for catching her in BS...

I think one of the most complicated aspects of dealing with and even identifying narcissists is that a lot of people are naturally attracted to confident personalities and narcissists tend to be good at appearing to be confident, even if they are riddled with insecurity deep down. I have known a number of people over the years who seem to be like a magnet to narcissistic selfish partners or even just friends who treat them badly and clearly have no respect for them. Social media has also given an opportunity for narcissists to promote what they’re most interested in; themselves. Whenever I see an elaborate social media profile I always think about the amount of time, effort and even money that they spent on promoting themselves and that is usually a good way of predicting a narcissistic personality.

Good news trigger them; bad news will be used against you. -> do NOT share! (and be prepared for being shamed about not sharing)

Great video. I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why I am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her

During the bullying investigation at my previous workplace I said that she hears what she wants to hear but couldn't figure out at the time how to explain what I meant better than that so they didn't understand (they didn't want to anyway, I suppose). I said I can see small clues in their face which shows she has already figured out an answer that makes me look stupid or bad before I've even finished asking a question or making a point. They weren't listening to learn or further the communication, they were listening a whole different way with the preconceived view she had of me, guiding what her response will be. Edit. Once I caught her out and told her how she said the opposite a few days earlier and she raised her finger to her mouth, in a Dr. Evil way as she tried to think of something to say to win the battle she thought I wanted to fight. Of course she had nothing to do or say because it was 100% true and everyone around heard her both times, and I knew that meant it would come back at me another way, another day.

Thank You, Dr Ramani. It is definitely one of the hardest parts of a relationship with a Narcissist. To be ignored and invalidated by Them, yet They expect to be seen and validated and heard by you. It is frustrating and disheartening. True Love and Connection is reciprocal and not Self Centered or Dismissive.

I've got another one. They act really happy about your promotion, then you get punished in many subtle ways over the next few weeks. Your clothes aren't right, you called them at the wrong time, they randomly refuse to talk to you or give you weird glares. I'm talking about my own experiences, but I've heard others tell similar stories about delayed punishment.

It’s mind boggling. My mum got into a rage when I told her about a financial success I had achieved and was proud to tell my parents about.

Ack, it’s been 4 years & just thinking about all the dinner plans/family outings/deadlines etc. that were ignored despite continuously increasing efforts (on my part) to communicate clearly, is making my blood boil all over again! I would write everything on the family calendar, talk about it directly to him several times far in advance (and we’d usually end up fighting over it because he hated any social interaction with MY family or friends, so he actually WAS listening on those occasions) and it just didn’t matter… the time would come & I would anxiously give a final heads up, usually trying to keep it lighthearted and casual to avoid any conflict, like “hey, looking forward to dinner tomorrow” and 9/10 he’d still fly off the handle & accuse me of springing it on him last minute, tell me I’m selfish & only ever want to see MY friends (he never even wanted to see the few friends he did have), I don’t ever take into consideration that he’s an introvert (so am I, btw), I’m terrible at planning & so on, and when I’d insist we’d talked (even fought!) about it several times, he’d go on a 3+ hour rant about how there’s no way he’d forget something like that, I must be losing it, my memory just isn’t working right, i was intentionally withholding info to make him look bad (because of course there’s no way he could go NOW without ample time to mentally prepare)…. It was such a nightmare! Just writing about it is exhausting… 7 years of that, and I still sometimes get an anxious pit in my stomach right before events, even the ones I’m really looking forward to, and have to remind myself there’s no reason to worry anymore…

Thank you Dr. Ramani. Totally describes my parents. My grandiose narcissistic father told me “big deal you published a paper, it will not help you in your career at all”. He would also try to say things like “when I did research was so much harder, and more important”… even though he didn’t even have a clue what was my project about. He didn’t even want to listen to it, he just wanted to talk about himself. When we bought a house, he said “so now you have to pay mortgage? You cannot even afford house without taking a loan, I would never take a loan”… everything is a competition. I am glad I am no contact with him.

First I want to say THANK YOU Dr Ramani. I'm 55 and 5' tall. Went no contact with my dad three years now. He's 6ish' tall. All my life all I've ever heard from him in such a whiny voice "I don't understand you" so when I went over to talk with him, I figured I'm not a kid anymore and he's in his 80's maybe we can finally have some kind of father/daughter relationship. So I'm talking with him and within five minutes his face twists like he's in agonizing pain, which has been his look ALL MY LIFE, and then he stands up and hoovers over me and starts screaming word salad, his face gets all red and he can't even put one sentence together and spitting everywhere and his mask would slip and he'd say some weird things like "don't" or some other things almost like I'm picking on him. So I'm standing at this point and I'm thinking omg this is like when I was 15, this is how it's been my whole life with this guy. It was FINALLY at that moment the light went on in my head that it wasn't me all along. The guy just never cared. I've never talked about this with anyone and over the past few months I had two conversations about this with my brother. I came across something recently that said healing starts when you are validated. At least now I KNOW I'm not going insane.

the narc in my life loves the sound of his own voice

I love your videos, Dr. Ramini. They help me so much. Another thing they seem to do is accuse you of doing something you didn't do, assign motives to you that you don't have, demand that you explain yourself and when you do (or try), it doesn't matter anyway because they don't really care. You cannot win. My ex did this all of the time. I found myself trying to defend my name over things i didn't even do! Still gives me anxiety to think about it.

Oftentimes when a narc asks me a question, they already have an expectation of what my answer will be. If I say anything other than what they expected, they don't hear it. They often rephrase the question in hopes that I will change the answer. My answer doesn't change, so then they get mad and frustrated, acting like I'm the bad communicator. Gladly these convos aren't as common as they used to be, after going no contact/gray rock.

Charlie Brown's teacher comes to mind, "Waaaah, Waaaah, Waaaah" - Thank You Dr. Ramani for this. There were times when I just couldn't figure out what was going on. He would get sharp with me without any provocation - it was really confusing! So, glad the relationship ended :)

You nailed it Doctor. Your thoughts really helped me. When I was 14 I fell and broke some fingers. Told my mom who's said "your just looking for attention". 6 weeks later and my fingers bent she finally took me to the doctor. Upon looking my hand over he asked her if she was crazy. Her response was "no I work in a convent". Had no empathy and took no responsibility. In fact I was the stupid one who fell .

i only stayed married to mine for two years before i got out of the marriage but i have to go back to court for the third time this week for violation of an order of protection. Pertaining to this topic tho, this is when i knew for sure i didnt want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes while he sat at the kitchen table and i was talking to him about something that had happened in my family that was very upsetting to me and when i turned around and looked at him for an answer to what i was saying to him,he looked me in the eye and said , Kim , I really dont care. I replied to him , that has to be the rudest thing any human has ever said to me . He just shrugged his shoulders, and I knew right then I was done.

So true. It’s very tiring. Having to deal with the constant calculation is a battle that not worth going through. Cutting out the narcissist in one’s life is the most freeing thing any of us can do.

You’re absolutely right. They don’t listen. It’s like the dog is barking. I have listened to so many talks about narcissism, but you have simply nailed it.

As the family scapegoat from a narcissistic family I can really relate to your videos. You really hit the nail on the head. Your videos have been very helpful to me, Thank you

One of the things that really shocked me - my family were discussing a social issue at the kitchen table. Someone asked for my opinion (because there were a lot of dominant voices and I was sitting back) so I opened my mouth to speak, and my brother immediately responded with, “I disagree with you”. Then started to explain “why”. Not one word came out of my mouth. I just stared at him in disbelief. His wife and daughters interrupted him and exclaimed, “she didn’t say anything!”. And he looked perplexed. I’m an open minded, gentle person without strong opinions so he wouldn’t have known what I was about to say.

Narcissist Tend To Do Lots Of Talking And Very Little Listening Narcissistic Ppl Are Very Dismissively To Everything You Say..Narcissist Brush Aside Or Deprecate What Others Say Instead Of Truly Listening Something That They Don’t Do Well.

100%, all of this. To expand, they listen as far as they care to and finish the rest in their convoluted minds in the worst way, then insist to you and everybody else that you're the one who told them that. Also, they can go on and on and on about themselves in such a self absorbed way they don't realize you've stopped listening. Because you've heard the exact same story 100 times before.

Taking baby steps to come out. But after 25 years it is truly an up hill task. I request for everybody's prayers. Thank you. Dr Ramani's videos are a great help.👍

Drives me nuts ! They will ask a "leading" question, often personal. You know its going to lead into belittling because of past experience. Always hopeful, you think "oh they're interested, they've matured" ...Get two sentences in & they've lost all interest. The head turns away, the nose tilts up & the eyes wander. Best to say you're not sure or you've forgotten. Then lose interest yourself. Possibly wander away or change the subject completely to something trivial. Suddenly spotting someone who has a "nice coat/dress /haircut works a treat. Maybe a lovely garden bird!! LOL... Thank you Dr. R.. you make so much sense of it all.

I got into an argument with a narcissistic landlord who was kicking me out because she saw I had an account on a site used to find rooms for rent and had told her I wasn’t happy. She was scared of me leaving, so she jumped the gun and gave 30 days notice. Anyway, I bring this up because during the argument, I was making points about stuff, and refuted something she said three separate times, and eventually, I said “repeat what I just said”, and she gave me a blank stare, like I was asking her how to perform an appendectomy. They just don’t listen!

This helped me so much, my narc used to keep me in calls for hours on end and would talk endlessly but never respond to anything I said back. When I used to go silent because it was pointless saying anything, he complained that I was ignoring him. It was really frustrating and this video has helped validate me so much, thank you for your work and everything you've done Dr Ramani

I am exhausted and if it were not for this channel I really don’t know when my mind would be. Thank you for all you give and all the meaningful content ❤

I am sure you hear this a lot, but your videos changed my life, both professional and personal! Thank you so much for helping us stay sane.

Stay in your reality. If they deny your reality, when you need to honor yourself and do right by YOU.

I remember a time when I was still trying to be at peace with the narcissist aunt I live with. I sat down for breakfast (she’s usually really mean so I just stay in my room). But this day I sat down to eat breakfast , and she came and sat next to me. To start conversation just it be polite I said something along the lines of, “It’s nice to see you sit down for breakfast.” And I truly, truly meant it in a nice way and she responded by immediately getting defensively. She started shouting “what about you?! You’re always in your cave and never come out, you’re so lazy you never even wake up in time for breakfast!!!” I didn’t even know what to say. I just stayed silent finished my food as quickly as possible and went back to my “cave”.

I've found it frustrating that I've frequently befriended people with charming personalities over the years, only to later realize that most of my inner circle consisted of narcissists. Unintentionally, I ended up strategizing on how to outmaneuver them, resulting in the loss of most "friends." This pattern doesn't apply to those I've worked with, fortunately. However, I'm concerned that "I may have adopted some of their predatory traits over time." *Edited (obscure empathy) As an empath, I have adopted a more reclusive approach to avoid becoming manipulative with the wrong audience. (rediscovery and healing) This lifelong experience has helped me place boundaries and set priorities for what I want out of life and what I can give in return.

This one I will listen to again. I feel so seen. And of course feel sadness because all of us in relationships with these monsters will never have the close relationship our hearts yearn for. You can't share anything with a narc and you can't be yourself. It's a lonely life.

Yup & it’s painful. It happened to me yesterday with my mother. She deflected, projected & then starting comparing & bringing in other families to not hear what I was saying. I’ve been crying for the last 24hours. I couldn’t finish listening to the video, b/c it’s all to close to home. I’ll listen later yet I appreciate the reminders to remember I can’t find love at an empty well that can’t truly respect, value or love me as a deserving being. 🙏

Growing up as a child and being viewed as a threat is wild. Yeah unsafe ppl. Just cus older and time doesnt mean autority or insight for me at least. Thanks dr r

There are many examples I could cite with my STBE narc. In marriage counseling, we did an exercise where we shared our biggest struggle with the other spouse. I shared "You often choose misery rather than asking for help because you'd rather handle on your own and be miserable rather than count on others for help." Counselor asked, "Wife, what did you hear?" "I heard that everything I do is wrong and everything about me is wrong." Counselor and I were both shocked. Any semi attractive woman I worked with was branded as a "slut". An acquaintance of ours who owned a candy shop we visited a few times a year was in the hospital and in a coma do to covid. I told her she her response was immediately, "Why are you telling me this?" The vulnerable narc is devoid of compassion.

This makes a lot of sense. As a single woman who was narc’d at the tender age of 17-19 ..I learnt SO much how to navigate these kinds of people and it made me hyper-aware and sensitive to the red flags. Needless to say, I never married and I’m currently single. I’d rather be single than unhappily married and it’s SO difficult to find your person.

My sister always presumed that everything bad that happened in her life was something that I had done specifically to hurt her. She imbued me with far greater power than I actually have

They're filtering for what's in it for them. Ditto for sociopaths, including the 'everyday sociopath' as described in Jonice Web's book. All Cluster B people do this. They all seem to have the mental emotional maturity level and character of a neglected, spoiled, traumatized, internally locked-in three year old. THIS IS ALL RIGHT ON THE BULLSEYE!!! Thank you Dr Ramani for all you do!! Helping us in saving our lives and sanity!

Divorcing narcissist for past 6 years. She is a monster. Turns out she was divorced before more than twice. All points spot-on.

Too true. Holding the floor at every family gathering is sad as conversations are limited to their interests!!!!! only. Not much room for hearing anyone else's wisdom.

It's surprising how they don't even listen to their own echo chamber since it's not a threat. Even if a threat comes around they'll only hear what they want to hear since they are incapable of fully paying attention to anyone.

The narc in my life is especially obvious in group conversations like a family dinner. If she hasn’t said anything for a while, she’s not listening to others, she’s just in her own world, and then suddenly pops out with something odd, unrelated and often basically offensive. She occasionally says “did I say something wrong?” with this innocent look on her face. Sigh. So exhausting. My niece has inattentive ADHD so can also seem like she’s on another planet - but when she tunes in, she’s tuned in. The Narc can’t get on board with a convo not about her even when she’s paying attention.

My SO will just come out and say "What does that have to do with me?"

Their distorted reality is mind boggling..I recently had a conversation with my best friend over text and I asked her a simple harmless question "what's something I could do to become a better person?" My narc saw the conversation and immediately got angry like i was the bad guy and somehow tried to make it all about him..I couldn't believe it! Only thing I could think of is he felt somehow threatened that I wanted to better myself?

There is no workaround. Walk away. Life's tough enough without entertaining a-holes. Appreciate you DoctorRamani!

If you want to make a narcissist fallow you around almost begging you say "you should hear what I heard said about you" Then say "But I promised not to tell" Then when you're donr hearing them give them a big letdown answer.

As someone with adhd, this makes me wonder how often I come across as narcissistic.

This showed up on the perfect day! As to my narcissistic sister, it’s her reality, not mine. She and her flying monkeys can carry on without me.🥰 Thank you, Dr Ramani!