DON’T GET OFFENDED BY THE DISCARD 🙅🏻‍♀️

Рет қаралды 86,240

8 ай бұрын

I am telling you this because I have been there and I know a lot of you don’t have friends and family that fully get it because it’s not something that happens often.
Being discarded and dealing with how all of this feels is EXHAUSTING! It’s one of the worst pains you can go through because it is the ultimate abandonment. Let me give you the reminder you need to start moving on 💛💛
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Пікірлер: 657

@SuperCatpuke 8 ай бұрын

It was never about you. It was always about them and making them feel good. They are not interested in relationships that feel balanced and equal. They are interested in having their needs met as a first priority at all times. Coverts are better at concealing it. It's as if both of you were in love with the same person, and that person was them. You just didn't realize it. When you get to that lose/lose scenario (which they will put you in repeatedly), and whether you know what's happening or not, if you assert a boundary or try to express a need to find a different solution together as a team, they simply fucking bounce on you.

@andreyasdus7629 8 ай бұрын

So accurate and well said. 🌹

@spa-dasoaps6436 8 ай бұрын

This is perfectly said. I just wrote this in my google docs where I have being documenting things to help me get through my recent discard. they have this way of making you feel imposing, inappropriately expecting and demanding when you ask for basic common courtesy and care. They have this way of twisting things on you as if you should feel so ashamed to put any focus on your needs, as if you are selfish and not considering their needs. You might only be asking for some simple thing that takes two seconds and they treat you as if you asked them to do some major thing that will make their life so so hard.

@danilaroche1156 8 ай бұрын

Right you are. You explained it well. Please refrain from expletives .

@jasonpeterson3860 8 ай бұрын

Ironically, they don’t truly love themselves, at least not in a good and healthy way, which is why they need so much attention and control. As Stephanie says, they are deeply insecure. They are like a bottomless cup.

@Kat3111 8 ай бұрын

@@jasonpeterson3860 so true. They don't love even themselves and are not capable of loving others.

@druidvw2088 8 ай бұрын

It was bad. All of it. The cheating, emotionally, physically, spiritually. The gas lighting. The lying. About things she didn't even need to lie about. The theft. The destruction of my property. The alienation of my children, my friends, even my own family. I stayed for 20 years. That's on me. Then one day, I left. You get to a point where you finally understand that if you don't get away from them, you will die. I chose to live. You can too.

@jbreeze404 8 ай бұрын

Same for me, I just waisted 10 years

@jasonpeterson3860 8 ай бұрын

@@jbreeze404 There feeling of having wasted so many years is like the cherry on top of a shit sundae.

@jbreeze404 8 ай бұрын

@@jasonpeterson3860 MAN!!!!!! Tell me about it. And I left my ex wife over a year ago and she still hasn’t stopped being nasty to me and using our daughter as a weapon. My daughter used to be my roll dog! Now she acting funny towards me. I feel like just letting it go, but then I don’t 😟

@rjlacroix3334 8 ай бұрын

My experience exactly , After 11 years 8 married . I came very close to the end of my life . I pulled myself out and away from her toxic deeply disturbing behavior . Very serious matter . On the road to recovery , healing now. Thank you for sharing . I'm not alone .

@user-ej5jc5dk1e 8 ай бұрын

You got it right . Good you left . I had a therapit like that she made very sick .

@kire115 8 ай бұрын

I finally learned this about my wife over the past two years. Married 23 yrs. Divorce process begins next Thursday. Enthusiasticly. Even my teens have whispered they’re happy for me and can they live with me. I’m great!

@chaucerparks2042 8 ай бұрын

WOW..22yrs with my wife..13 yrs of those married. Similar circumstance filing for divorce soon..SMDH

@ashleyhighland758 8 ай бұрын

20 years in, now divorced from her two years yesterday. Our teenage sons live with me The future for you is beautiful

@richardweseman9242 8 ай бұрын

18 years, kids mostly adults, wondered myself if we were going to stay together after empty nest. One day I got the speech, "I still love you, nothing you did, just don't want to be married anymore." several years later now, glad it happened. I value myself and am hopeful to find my match at some point. Debts are retired, bills are paid, kids are happy and I am much less stressed out. It does get better. Just work on you, which maybe was in the background all of those years.

@rossmarlin4947 8 ай бұрын

My ex-wife ghosted me only after 2 years of marriage

@kire115 8 ай бұрын

@@rossmarlin4947 these people are truly reprehensible

@stevehermes 8 ай бұрын

Spot on, when they finally leave it's usually because you were not compliant enough. As time goes by you learn to set boundaries and stick to them

@pearpo 8 ай бұрын

As a victim you have one job, and that is to be walked on.

@peaceofmindofpeace1650 8 ай бұрын

Thanks this comment softens my heartache atm 😊 I told him in my head I'm not a doormat.

@spa-dasoaps6436 8 ай бұрын

I agree totally ,,, not being compliant enough. They want their own terms and to test to see if you will settle for it and put up with it. I stood up for myself and they discarded me just like that. Stonewalled, and it was such as simple thing. I find they treat a small request as if it is some huge inconvenience. They make you feel like you are imposing on them for the tiniest thing as if it is the hardest, most unrealistic thing to ask them, making you feel like you are demanding and inappropriately asking them for something you should feel ashamed of! They are brutal. It's the most extreme kind of selfishness and can't imagine being that self-absorbed. It shocks me.

@aprilm4423 8 ай бұрын

Setting boundaries and sticking to them will weed out future narcissists as well. Also, you will come to realize what a lifesaver going 'no contact ' can be. (If you can do that.) Eventually, it will also dawn on you that there's no fixing the narcissist. The seat of the problem is that they're mentally ill. Mental illness has its genesis in one of two places: 1) Exposure to toxins or drugs and 2) Inbreeding somewhere in their family background. Realizing all of this will free you forever ♾️. 1) They're sick and they were that way before you met them; 2) Their sickness is not their fault and you, from the outside, cannot fix them. 3) Medication could help, but only if they take it. 4) If they don't take medication, it's your decision--and yours, alone--to decide if you want to live with them and their likely untreated illness and the craziness that comes with it. Also, 5) Mental illness (no matter what the original cause was!) is largely genetic and will show up in children. Do you want to live with this? Some things can't be undone, and there are mental health agencies in your community to help you help your child. Use them; sometimes services can be free. Caution children not to take drugs or they will be worse off. Whatever you decide, godspeed and deep peace.🕊️

@juanaatkins777 8 ай бұрын

Yes, it is no coincidence that I had started to finally push back. A small example is that for the 31 years of marriage we always watched what he wanted to watch on TV. I started to push for what I wanted. He would say ok very occasionally but would make it clear how much he didn't enjoy it to discourage me from trying again. I reacted by refusing to sit with him each evening. I would go to our bedroom to read a book instead. He hated that. He expected me to watch his stuff no matter how I disliked it.

@Z28videogates 8 ай бұрын

For those who this just happened to, you Best thing that can happen to you is being discarded - you just don’t know it yet.

@electricjellyfish375 8 ай бұрын

It hurts like f**k. But I keep feeling like I will be better off.

@latchkeykid5529 8 ай бұрын

@@electricjellyfish375 same

@RippleDrop. 8 ай бұрын

Yes. Yet the grieving process takes time. We can tell ourselves "Hell yeah! I am better off now!" And that is great, if a person is already this far in the process. The rest of us lost something we deemed valuable, and when people lose things that are very valuable, they grieve. They need to grieve. It has taken me years and years and years simply because I denied the emotions stemming from being betrayed... For a long time I refused to be sad, because I obviously did not matter to them, so I did not want to acknowledge they mattered to me. The classic of _"having been so stupid not to see it..."_ etc. But at the end, 5 years have passed and I chose to feel my feelings this autumn. I finally, on emotional level, not only intellectual, can say, I am better off without people who are okay with treating other humans the way they treated me. I did not lose something highly valuable, is my perspective change. I was not only abandoned. I have now chosen to leave these people also. I do not feel left behind no longer.

@billionaire2370 7 ай бұрын

Yes! I hate that they dont see it yet, but it's coming. Pour that love you wasted on them on yourself, and before yk it, YOUR person will be staring back at you.

@Z28videogates 7 ай бұрын

@@billionaire2370 great comment! Good stuff.

@ChildoftheLIGHT 8 ай бұрын

Discarded because I’m stronger than he is in every way and he knew it.💪🏼 Losing control over me meant losing his phony “love”, aka, needs, which is no loss at all.

@jd6331 5 ай бұрын

Exactly. If the love wasn't real, it can't be faked forever...

@ThatsMADDD 8 ай бұрын

Discard almost always means that the person had/has a personality or a mental disorder. No healthy or “normal” person just suddenly switches and changes that rapidly after being involved deeply with someone. One reason why it hurt you very bad is because it doesn’t make sense at all. Its not normal at all for humans to do that. You may have some issues you need to deal with but you don’t have a personality disorder. They don’t have a personality, hence why it’s called a personality disorder. So other than the emotional part, it affects you deeply because your brain can’t make sense of it. Why? Because the other person had a disorder, that’s why it will never make sense. That’s why it’s a disorder.

@karenritchie3492 8 ай бұрын

I love this...

@jessebradford7130 8 ай бұрын

Scary accurate. Honestly, what bothers me most isn't the pain and horrible treatment. It's the fact I can't understand and put myself in their shoes as to why. You know when you try to understand why a person does something horrible but there's an ounce of understanding you have. But with this, nothing. It's even becoming fascinating to me.

@antonioarmando1938 7 ай бұрын

I disagree. You should do this pre-emptive towards a narcissist. At my low Time I managed to heal.

@franciswashington6118 7 ай бұрын

Yes because it’s not making sense to me why my husband just left me and moved in with his girlfriend who he had been cheating with which is his coworker and I am struggling with it it’s been 3 months since he’s been living with her and we have been married 29 years

@jd6331 5 ай бұрын

Thank you for this 🙌😞

@sanjeevbains690 8 ай бұрын

❤ No one cares ❤️ You don’t want to be loyal to a fault ❤️ You want to be better & not bitter ❤️ As long as you learned from this you are golden ❤️ You find ☮️ by slowing down & learning ❤️ Drop your ego ❤️ Continue to take care of yourself ❤ Continue walking through to the better door 🚪

@steadypace1262 8 ай бұрын

Narcissist's discard you even when they are still with you and they do this in sly, sneaky ways. When others are around they will have eyes only for them totally ignoring you like you are not even there, they make you feel like you are invisible. Narcissists like to do the disappearing act on their partner's because they are sadistic people who want to have fun at your expense. Don't stay with a narcissist waiting for them to change for the better because they get meaner and more self-absorbed as they age.

@elizabethp4064 8 ай бұрын

Discarding hurts like hell …. But after awhile it does get better ,!

@sirg-had8821 8 ай бұрын

I set one boundary too many and she had her excuse to discard me. She'll discard my replacements just as quickly.

@jefffunk863 8 ай бұрын

💐🙏🎯

@rogerdsmith 7 ай бұрын

Remember, she was never really yours, it was just your turn……

@dannymcelhinny490 6 ай бұрын

I feel you. Just found out my ex fiancé was actually cheating on me since at least April 2023...we split in July 2023. You're right and the new supply does not know what's coming.

@Ali_delightful 8 ай бұрын

The biggest thing I'm struggling with, with the discard is the lack of loyalty in terms of the time spent. I gave my everything to show this person they could be loved when everyone else walked away..and they throw me away with ease. Time from my life that I cannot get back.

@DeathToWinsteads 8 ай бұрын

It's a pain, but you certainly don't want to be where you were taken for granted. Fake it until you make it. (the adage is often trite, but you must in this case...LIFE IS TOO SHORT to remain stuck)

@Ali_delightful 8 ай бұрын

Thank you and that is very true. Just another life lesson for the books; albeit, a very hard one.@@DeathToWinsteads

@cynthiafortier2540 8 ай бұрын

That right there is the learning lesson, good for you, one and done!! Let your light shine!!

@dont6441 7 ай бұрын

Been there, done that, as have millions of other men. She wasn't yours, it was just your turn and now it's over. Sure it sucks but there are plenty of good KZfaq videos on the subject that will help you avoid making the same mistake again. Let it go and move on. You're better off alone than with someone who doesn't value you.

@Jimmy2shits 7 ай бұрын

Sometimes it’s the longest lesson. But we are now wiser and can avoid it better.

@melindamcclain835 8 ай бұрын

My mother is a total narcissist. She is 82 and iam 61. She moved down the street from me and she expected me to take care of her and put up with her abuse at the same time. She quickly learned iam not the little girl she used to abuse. I stood up to her and went no contact. She put her house up for sale and moved away without saying goodbye or even telling me where she moved to. I found out from her neighbor where she went. She did me a huge favor! Thanks mom!

@kimberthug 8 ай бұрын

I feel like I’ve taken 10 steps back in how I’m letting my former partner and best friend’s treatment of me impact how I’m feeling about myself. Being discarded completely dismantled my self worth. It’s been almost two years since it happened and a year of no contact. And I find myself yearning for an apology that will never come. I really needed this encouragement to remind myself that this wasn’t my fault. Thanks Stephanie.

@sharynmain2432 8 ай бұрын

Regressing back from how much you had worked to be just you… is demoralising, confusing and very hard to stomach. However you may be discarded, the betrayal and act of pure contempt and cruelty can and will leave you feeling …..heartbroken. And not because you logically understand what has happened and you may even have radical acceptance that it was incredible toxic and it had to explode / implode …it just had to. (Insert sad / lost/lonely face here ). And what is most tortuous of all…. Is that you just don’t turn off your feelings or emotions or your history with that person. They may have physically left but you still have that imprint …. That is like a negative of a photograph…. Void of colour and joy and just a figment of your imagination. Was any of it even real…..

@mbankslje0nk 8 ай бұрын

I am struggling with the same issues.

@joannagipson12 8 ай бұрын

@@sharynmain2432Very well put. Exactly how I feel even now. And it's been four years now. But thankfully the emotional pain has subsided. Therapy and time helped so much. But I still have my days when I feel a bit "broken "..❤

@anthonyburke223 8 ай бұрын

Why do you need an apology ? I know I’ll never get one and I don’t need one . If they give you an apology would you even believe that they are telling you the truth ?

@anthonyburke223 8 ай бұрын

Awesome vid Stephanie , one of your very best . Communicated brilliantly 😊

@hawk4879 8 ай бұрын

You know I just realized I’m not that one who has multiple mental issues. That’s how I felt about it all. She is weak and her low self esteem is just that-- Low!!!

@stephenhanchey594 8 ай бұрын

Thank you very much for this! I was just discarded a week ago, I’ve been a door mat for 7 years, we have two small children. Please pray for us🙏

@tonyg5132 8 ай бұрын

The discard made me feel worthless for multiple reasons. The thing is I wasn’t even trying to be confrontational either

@ericking4072 8 ай бұрын

SPOT ON.THE VERY WORST PART IS THE LENGTHS WE(I AT LEAST)WENT TO TO MAKE HER LIFE BETTER,MORE LIVEABLE&QUALITY ORIENTED.I SACRIFICED ALOT FOR HER AT MY EXPENSE....ESPECIALLY AFTER 2 FAILED LTR'S I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY FINAL LOVE😢

@pearpo 8 ай бұрын

Because it was always their problem not yours.

@allamericantreeservice3754 8 ай бұрын

@@ericking4072the more we do the worse they act. It's hard not to get down on yourself. I didn't want a relationship, she insisted we agreed a few days later she walked out and went and screwed some guys up the road. Lmao yeah I have absolutely nothing left and my new girl blows the old away.

@martyc2637 8 ай бұрын

Tony do not feel alone. She had narcisstic rage dumped me the next morning and had the new guy move in. This is a month ago and I am going for counseling. The trauma and anger is off the charts.

@hashh2019 8 ай бұрын

i feel like a failure and unworthy of love and affection. He protected the other woman and was gentle with her while i saw him cheating on me

@Hugo.345 8 ай бұрын

Sounds like my recent ex. She discreetly betrayed me, and two weeks later she was already with some other guy. Her narcissism and mental health is on another level that she lied of the actual reason of the breakup. Glad I’m away from her toxic selfishness.

@michaeltolleson2640 8 ай бұрын

Ok. There is a reason why, she has kids, but not married. All of her failed relationships, was probably based on her Bull..... Remember, there are two sides to every story...

@eddies8502 8 ай бұрын

Holy sh*T it’s as if I’m reading exactly what I went through. I can’t believe how many people are going through this! This is off the charts. What the hell is wrong with people?

@WalkrFilms 8 ай бұрын

@@eddies8502same thing

@Kimagurehun 7 ай бұрын

Same here. She did this as you mentioned.

@sugag2870 5 ай бұрын

@@eddies8502social media telling these women they can have anything they want

@angelasauceda7548 2 ай бұрын

You gave me a lot of hope! It's been two days of obsessive rumination, insomnia, and flashbacks that wake me up as soon as I fall asleep. The way I was discarded and blindsided triggered so much trauma that I thought I had put behind me.

@amibauer547 8 ай бұрын

AFTER 9years discarded without an explanation other than a text saying it was my fault for ruining the relationship when i asked about a future.

@reneewallace8079 8 ай бұрын

As soon as I asked for the bare minimum standard for respect and acknowledgement, they discarded me. Givers need to set limitations because don't takers don't. Thanks, Steph for all your work.😊

@johnbehneman1546 8 ай бұрын

I am worth more and I deserve better

@kimberlylewis4196 8 ай бұрын

It was about me not confirming to what he wanted. I would not sleep with him without a commitment. He just wanted to come over and sleep with me. No effort, selfish, and a coward he wanted someone to sleep with. He is a narcissist. He's now sleeping with my neighbor who is surface level like him with no morals values and integrity. I thank God every day for protecting me and showing me who he really is.

@danilaroche1156 8 ай бұрын

Right. My narc just wanted my adoration and sex. I didn't give it to him and he left.

@Kat3111 8 ай бұрын

Same here. Good riddance. It shows their true colours when you don't comply.

@Kat3111 8 ай бұрын

@danilaroche1156 same. But you have to thank heaven for this - it showed you that he didn't care about you, only about what you can give him.

@ceuson3 8 ай бұрын

I wasn't discarded. I finally wanted out. Now 4 years later I'm realizing how much supply he got from living his life by diminishing mine. I knew I was miserable & I jumped the minute I saw my path out, but I hadn't realized the sadism on his side of the relationship & the ego that gave him. Being discarded may be shocking & stressful, but the alternative sucks, too. It's like Hansel, in his cage, being fattened up for eating. (Maybe a vampire analogy would be better.... ) The sooner they're out of your life, the sooner you're free to be authenticly you❤

@Sam-pl3yd 8 ай бұрын

Hia Stephanie yes it’s like getting dragged down and left exhausted… I am no longer going to be bullied 😞 🙏❤️❤️❤️

@gevans5446 8 ай бұрын

You picked the wrong person. Reevaluate your choices in a partner and learn from this moment. Don't harbor hatred; it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Pick yourself up and keep going. Life goes on, and in the end it's not about how many times you fall off the horse. It's about how many times you get back on.

@gracesanity6314 8 ай бұрын

He once phoned me to say "how frustrated by my strength of character he is"...l immediately said "Thank God" Well the discarding happened quickly after to my relieve.

@user-ot3kb2gy1y 7 ай бұрын

They are very insecure with fragile ego. It's all about controlling. If you know well about yourself, you know your worth.

@VixR9 8 ай бұрын

Going through this now with a newborn baby. Thank you for this. Very painful. Nobody understands

@spa-dasoaps6436 8 ай бұрын

I was also discarded with a new born with my first child. It was so painful I moved to another province to heal all by myself. It really helped me. I was lucky he just left completely so I could just up and move. It was so very hard but every kiss on my daughters face helped me get through. The pain takes time and I wish you peace and comfort during this time for you and your little one. God bless!

@heatherann4390 8 ай бұрын

Nobody understands!

@heatherann4390 8 ай бұрын

@@spa-dasoaps6436at least he didn't kidnap your child and make you want to kill yourself to get away from the pain

@maeliosashannon4246 8 ай бұрын

Many people understand. You are not alone. Your looking at the wrong person for your compass. Its time to be strong. Be extremely kind to yourself and your child. Be patient with your self. Your awake now. Everything will work out for you. ❤❤❤

@jasonpeterson3860 8 ай бұрын

We understand, all too well.

@user-gb4uh2ib3q 4 ай бұрын

Our messed up society!!!

@conickasparks3746 2 ай бұрын

Demonic spirits r real

@101hamilton 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Stephanie for another amazing video. I was discarded 5 years ago after a 12 year marriage. I never saw it coming. Your videos have been very helpful, time has helped yet sometimes I still have moments of euphoric recall and find myself missing the good times.

@user-bz1wo8ze2i 8 ай бұрын

I know what you mean. I was discarded 4 years ago after a 9 year relationship. I’m beginning to understand it wasn’t me. Thanks Stephanie for all your wisdom and insight.

@yoelalmeida3259 8 ай бұрын

The good times were future faking.Don not let that get to you move on .Do no look back .God bless.

@MrDangerhere 6 ай бұрын

You just described my ex who discarded me a week before Xmas. Brilliant video. Worst part of it all is we have two young kids. Thanks from Ireland.

@hawkspirals3483 8 ай бұрын

I got discarded after a nearly fatal stroke; it was HORRIBLE, but upon reflection its the best thing she could have done,I survived... and it woke me up to whatI had tolerated for YEARS! and who she REALLY is I have severe lingering physical issues, but I'm awake now and actually happy

@thetakeaway7825 8 ай бұрын

I was married for 10 years and am still getting the doormat treatment. It has been 5 years since, and I'm still getting texts and sob stories to help her rent, etc. Ironically, she seems to always need help around her birthday. Anyway, this talk really hit home for me. ❤ Good luck to everyone. Thanks, Stephanie.

@esskayaussie286 8 ай бұрын

Solo life for now is a lot more straightforward all-round. Relationships can be an absolute nightmare with the wrong person. You made some really good points especially about remaining true to yourself and not being a doormat for the other. Sone people want everything their way or it's the highway. This was the case for me in my last relationship. Glad I didn't allow myself to be completely steamrolled - that's just not me.

@jaanaprall9961 8 ай бұрын

Thank You for the inspiration! I am finally at a better place after being discarded by an emotionally abusive covert narcissist after a long-term marriage. It has taken a year and a half to get out of the fog and to the point where I can find the better door. I am working with a therapist, investing in myself and signing up for new activities I've always wanted to try. I will choose to see the world with wonder and to believe in love and possibility! Feels like the best way forward. So if any of you are still in the fog, I want to say just put one foot in front of the other and keep working at it and one day the sun will feel slightly different on your skin and you'll notice you can access joy again. It surprised me the day it happened. I was so relieved. I was wondering if I'd ever feel good again.

@pastureexpectationsfarm6412 7 ай бұрын

11:11 " and we are not here to be nervous for the future." - THAT IS GOLD.

@DZ-jz8bj 4 ай бұрын

I gave him all what he wanted. So I think they can discard if they feel they used you completly up. And thats why it is so offending. I did what he wanted just to be dumped. Lowered my standarts, totally ashamed myself by showing him how I look like, body included. It feels awful. And its hard to not feel less than a dirt if the narcissist discarded you in such and ihuman cruel way and on valentines day. Treating you like a dirt. He really abused me like some dog. Totally made me beg for him - which I would normally NEVER EVER do that! I am so ashamed and disappointed from myself + angry at myself for even trusting him, for staying talking with him and being friends with him after all what he did before. He made me to hate myself for being fooled by him.

@Dee-mj3pu 3 ай бұрын

Healing takes time. What you learned will help you a lot!

@ladyvirgo9514 8 ай бұрын

Thank you so much, I needed to hear this. I was blindsided back in May after 12 years married to a covert. Didn't realize just how evil he was until he did this. I needed to be reminded that we will have the ups & downs and that's ok. It is definitely trauma and my soon ex husband literally wanted me to hurt,that showed through his smirk. I was a great wife to him

@Phil..._ 8 ай бұрын

That smirk you mentioned is known as 'dupers delight'. If you ever see it - RUN for the hills asap. You can revenge them from a safe distance, or better still - just focus on yourself

@ladyvirgo9514 8 ай бұрын

@@Phil..._ he ran,I didn't have to. He monkey branched to the secretary from his work

@TheFearedwarrior 7 ай бұрын

Very sorry to hear other people suffering the same as I am. My story is similar and I also have a soon to be ex. Thing is that they don't see it has evil, they justify everything in their minds. You are just a resource and once they used up the best parts of you, they are onto the next. I hope you find peace and happiness. I am on the same mission and even started a video log on my youtube channel..lol, my therapy.

@Kat3111 8 ай бұрын

I agree with everything said in this video. I started again from scratch 3 years ago. And my life improved. And it's true that when one door closes, several others open.

@bottomlessinkwell 8 ай бұрын

Thanks Steph ! I think somewhere along the line I hit this peak realization that you’re talking about. That is a kind of complement. A friend of mine who has cancer I said to her about it one day months ago, “I’m all done being mad at people, who’ve done me a favor.“ Thank you beautiful angel for giving this one of the world. I was just thinking the other day about how your channel and a couple others have really helped me reflect on relationship challenges and personal growth. It’s a great way to move on. The obsession that you talk about with listening to online advice and insight is real. For me anyway though, I think there was a natural curve to it where it slowly built up, I learned a lot and then healing starts taking place when you’re not even looking. I have a few ways that I earn a living, as a teacher, as an artist, as a writer and yes, as a Lyft driver. Mainly through the latter, I’ve recommended your channel to many of beleaguered soul always knowing I was sending people to healing place felt good. Anyway, thanks again friend. Ben Z. 🌸 🥀

@valentinarex94952 8 ай бұрын

Thank you, Steph. I’ve been listening to you for 4 years. I share custody of 2 small children with an NPD type and I need constant reminders that I’m not crazy and I’m worthy. ❤

@arniep740 8 ай бұрын

Wow! SO right-on. Wife of 20 years divorced me a year ago. I had no idea it was coming and was devastated but have come around to realizing that the marriage failed not solely because of my faults. I realized that she was lacking so much and steadfastly refused to accept that she had any part in our troubles. I then realized that she did me a great favor in ending the marriage. I had wanted it to end for many years but did not have the courage to pull the trigger. I'm now glad she did. She is now in a 'serious' relationship with the first and only guy she went out with. Good luck to him! You are helping me move on but it is not easy, even in spite of the many problems in the marriage. Thank you for your excellent insights and suggestions!

@Dparsons022 5 ай бұрын

The new supply 😒

@LSP-wc4od 8 ай бұрын

Wow, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for this video ! You were SPOT on bc I felt guilty for NOT BEING ENOUGH when it was actually HIS PROBLEM , SO YES! He left me emotionally LONG BEFORE I physically walked away - I was just SOO TIRED of the same excuses … 💕🙋🏻‍♀️👏👏👏👏

@itsamandaabb 6 ай бұрын

I have PTSD from the narcissist discarding me and leaving me with a small child. Now when I look back on the several times he did that, was so I would literally BEG and plead for him to not do this to me and our baby and come back home. I was heartbroken and he was getting some kind of sick pleasure seeing me beg for him

@JohnMurphy-dw6ml 8 ай бұрын

The big problem is that it never ends!

@fernandodesousa9362 8 ай бұрын

Agree

@JohnMurphy-dw6ml 8 ай бұрын

No matter how hard you try it’s just beneath the surface!

@hailiballard 6 ай бұрын

I think it does end when you realize that they’re not truly a good human. And when you aren’t a good human, you live in misery privately. Their karma is being themselves. You have to realize that you won even though it doesn’t feel like it. Why would you want that kind of life for yourself? They set you free.

@JohnMurphy-dw6ml 6 ай бұрын

It’s been a long time and I can tell you it never ends, it may get a little better from time to time but it always comes back. Thank you for the kind words!

@philipjohnson7090 8 ай бұрын

Their discard wasn't about you but them. That has helped me process a 7 year Narcissist relationship. Just grasping the whole situation, as painful as it is but your direction on self help has helped me to shut the door on this. The healing is going to take time.

@christopherbrubaker2070 8 ай бұрын

It took me a little while to recognize this, and it doesn’t make them any less a narcissist. I kept recognizing I did fight back, I was loving ( way more than I needed to), but that is what made me feel like a doormat. It was so much petty competition, I wasn’t allowed to just love and definitely not loved.

@kellychuba 4 ай бұрын

Do not tolerate silent treatments.

@Dee-mj3pu 3 ай бұрын

Do not tolerate disrespect in any form!

@jennaletizia5430 8 ай бұрын

Was discarded by a close family member that I thought I had a great loving relationship with. Totally devastated

@Dee-mj3pu 3 ай бұрын

You just have to give up the illusion.

@sstevo4066 7 ай бұрын

Being discarded was by far the hardest thing i've ever experienced. I'm 8 months out after the end of this 21 year relationship. Having to coparent is really difficult but i'm doing my best. About 5 months after she abandoned me a lot of the truth came out. She had someone before she left (an affair with a married father of 3, he's still with his wife btw)...So much pain, such hurt and torment. Being honest with myself but also giving myself a little grace is helping so much. it's only been the last month that things have really started to feel better. Thanks for these videos, i'm so glad I found you today!

@Em-im1yz 8 ай бұрын

After i got rid of my ex i found out that 3 women before me had also got rid of him. He actually said " the only woman who wont leave is my mum". Wont even acknowledge that he has issues, its everyonelse of course.

@aprilm4423 8 ай бұрын

If course mom won't admit he has issues--she has them, too. Admitting this to *herself* would cause a crisis!

@nicholecornes1915 8 ай бұрын

Please dont ever go back im not it hard i have been with him for 12 years...my health was failing i gained weight no affection no best friend in them! Remind yourself this!

@nicholecornes1915 8 ай бұрын

Im in that right now! It was SO painful at FIRST but stick it out you will get your light back and your joy... it goes back and forth and when it happens and you get sad pray! This is spiritual warfare ok? They are demonic as hell!

@user-mf7ll4nm4n 8 ай бұрын

I now realise I made many mistakes in the relationship but I feel so sad there is no contact.I honour this but I am having trouble getting over it😢

@beskarman38 4 ай бұрын

Yup, caught myself a covert narcissistic ex-spouse for 18 years of fake marriage and friendship. I'm working on selling the house and file for divorce ASAP.

@jeffricks2640 4 ай бұрын

it taught me so much too ...about myself and others ....feel I can see people for who they are now....and happy to be on my own and enjoying life for the first time in 40 years

@crusherone628 Ай бұрын

Stephanie you are spot in. I love your videos, you are the real deal because you lived and in its not theories you read. I am one of those that have spent hours and hours watching videos, reading tons of books etc. when i divorced the warden, it was the best thing i could have done. I didnt know it at the time. Now a year after d day, I am free and not on eggshells every moment. I havent dated anyone yet and so far not interested in doing so. I have talked to a few women but i always chicken out. I still don’t trust anyone and that they are real. I think that shows me i am just not ready yet, but i will be and will know when that is. All of you that are starting the process, i feel for you. Remember you can only control you. Dont stay thinking it will get better. The goal posts will always be moved. Love you all and wish you the best.

@hangingwiththegrlz4891 8 ай бұрын

I was a door mat. I left because the pain was just too great and I wanted the pain to stop. I left everything behind. I am not even sure if he divorced me yet or not. I just ran and never looked back, started over. 4 years no contact.

@brendaleverick3655 8 ай бұрын

At least the discard is the beginning of being forever FREE of their favorite people, whom I personally, am sick of.

@LittleBird888 8 ай бұрын

Your videos are so healing. Thank you.

@elenamaldonado7304 8 ай бұрын

I definitely needed this. I spent two hours on and off last night crying with a friend on the phone about my marriage. How I fought for it for a year and realized it was time to stop fighting because my husband didn't mean what he said. I have those thoughts like he's better now without me and I do struggle so much. I'm doing what I can but I know need to go back to where I'm from and learn to be on my own, again. Thank you for this.

@TheFearedwarrior 7 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear this because I know exactly what you feel like. My wife left after 17yrs and I was totally blindsided. Just remember, you are GOOD ENOUGH! You were only a resource to him and you will recharge your batteries and hopefully find love with someone that truly loves you. Best wishes to you!

@elenamaldonado7304 7 ай бұрын

@@TheFearedwarrior thank you. Wish you the best as well. Happy holidays

@TheFearedwarrior 7 ай бұрын

@@elenamaldonado7304 Same to you!

@puremaledark8305 8 ай бұрын

It sucks, I was completely blindsided.... by my best friend. Pain is not even the right term

@satanlucifer7363 8 ай бұрын

Someone who love you will build you not destroy you . If they decard you ,it mean they are not there to build you but for their own profit . If they go let them go ,build your self again and definitely you will found someone else who need what you need

@casperinsight3524 6 ай бұрын

Well Said 💯 The discard shows you WHO they are Its about them

@jeffreycheng5984 8 ай бұрын

Stay single forever. "Nuff said!

@judyyates2763 8 ай бұрын

Thank you. You are so very right, extremely painful. I did have some insights, thank God. It's still very painful. I did not know the depths of his schemes. I guess it's difficult to accept that someone can be like that. If you look through history, there have been some extremely evil people. Do we ever truly know a person? ❤ to you!

@BCHODOSH01 8 ай бұрын

One of your best, if not your best video. Great information and motivation about believing in yourself, gaining confidence, learning life lessons so you can move on in a healthy way and have a better life. Thank you, and take care.❤

@StephanieLynCoaching 8 ай бұрын

Wow, thank you!

@dont6441 7 ай бұрын

Definitely a woman's perspective on breakups but not necessarily reality for many men. As a two divorce survivor, I found that women get bored with their husband after a few years. The mystery is gone and the grass looks greener elsewhere. My second wife told me familiarity breeds contempt and I believe her. She loves a new romance which explains why she's been married six times. She's great at dating but lousy at marriage. If I did learn one thing, its that marriage is a relationship killer. Want to keep things fresh and exciting? Don't move in with her and absolutely do not marry her. If you do marry her, have a prenup and a plan B ready because she will dump you eventually or you will wish she did. You're welcome.

@DZ-jz8bj 4 ай бұрын

I tried this. I thought that new doors will open, that I will get new friends, but after months and years it still didn't happen. So long lasting loneliness made me to reach out to narcissist again. It just sucks

@Dee-mj3pu 3 ай бұрын

Talking it through with a counselor could help.

@junebloom2670 8 ай бұрын

These people do not attach to anyone. They are unable to. My ex flat out told me that in his 50''s, he has never been in love. He''s been married, dated people long term, but never loved. They can't. It is about them. It's still so devastating though. All of the energy they put into love bombing and future faking they undo in one minute. They have some major mood swing and just sever it. Normal people do not do that. There is zero insight on their end.

@suzanne4396 8 ай бұрын

Yes. When I started pushing back, started not accepting his b.s. words, questioning him and giving him proof that he'd lied about some or all of it and saying No. And began to mock him, devalue him and Shame him for not only things he'd done & said, but also his body part that was so smol and didn't work right... something he knew and hated-- so I brought it up again and again. And the first time he was physically abusive with me I filed a police report and pressed charges -- then outed him on social media as to what he'd done...sent his mother a copy of the police report and charges... So, yeah...😂 Even after all of that he kept coming back and coming back..and I blocked him 75 times in 9 years he kept getting new #'s and couldn't let me go.. so yeah, I became a reactive abuser in response to his evil and abusive behavior. I'd warned him; " Don't f*** with me, you won't like what happens..". And he found out. So, yeah after 9+ years of that and after just this past month of me blocking him 11xs he finally " Discarded me " 😂😂😂 Once I wasn't a doormat as I was the first 6 years, - once I pushed back and stood up to the bully, - he found someone who IS -- I hope she'll learn sooner than I did. Learning my Worth and refusing to back down resulted in what I'd truly hoped for ( once the trauma bond was gone) ...him being out of MY life. !!!! 💪😂💪💪💪

@TimStJohn-xp8rv 8 ай бұрын

On a different matter! You radiate natural beauty! Love the green sweater!

@Yumicpcake 8 ай бұрын

I'm not an empath and I'm a frigging magnet for them. My mom was, my 1st long relationship and my husband. I didn't know until I was in my 30s.

@iamnoteric Ай бұрын

i just listened to a short, it said "im not even mad at you(the perpetrator), im mad at myself for not believing that you are who you are"

@Kevin-gg1bp 8 ай бұрын

3 years ago I started watching steph. My ex narc is still trying to mess with my life through my children. I am indifferent to her now. Really just want her to stay away from me now. You will get through this. 3 years ago I lived what steph said at the start of this vid. Now I am at a place where I'm happier inside, I look back and am glad that feeling has passed. I noticed it was starting to pass. This was one day I woke up and took a big breath and said today is the day I move on. It was a relaxing day. Now rise like the Phoenix.

@BetsyT4782 8 ай бұрын

You are doing such an amazing service, Steph! You’re so right that these videos help get through the day when we have a weak moment. Thank you! ❤

@StephanieLynCoaching 8 ай бұрын

It's needed to help get you through those moments!

@thehouseofhorsepowerautobo4506 8 ай бұрын

This video is absolutely amazing! Thank you so much ❤️ I really needed to hear this. I'm so sorry that your heart was hurt as well. I've been in stuck mode for 6 years and it's dam right draining. It's a miserable place to be stuck. Slowly and I mean very slowly trying to get my self healther mentally and physically.

@nazcarcup 8 ай бұрын

The timing of this video is great. Had certain people suddenly ignore/ghost me. Turns out they were cheating on their partner...

@David-nu6kw 3 ай бұрын

After 9 years she locked the door and would not let me back in. Definitely either border line personality disorder, maybe bi-polar, not sure. What I am sure of is that it is not normal and not warranted. I lost my entire life over a heated argument that really was not any worse than anything before and they were not too often. No goodbye to the cats or my step daughter. Something inside her flipped like a switch and lost my best friend too. A tornado went through my head and it's been about 5 weeks. I am getting the very last of my things in a week or so. I still can't believe how different my life is now and how quickly it changed. Definitely trauma. I saw red flags over the years but stayed for the sake of the relationship, and because I also loved her. I did not think it was something that cannot be fixed so I put up with some things over the years. Scary and sad. I wonder how long before I heal. I could not sleep for 2 weeks.

@a6a34007 8 ай бұрын

Thank you Stephanie. You nailed this for me. Ours was a friendship/biz relationship & he was in the process of monkey branching to what he figured was an upgrade. I tuned into it early and blew up the relationship before he could discard me. Now he's with a woman who has a weak mind and damsel in distress issues. I am so happy that he's out of my life.

@jennifermartin4505 8 ай бұрын

I held my boundaries 🥳

@mz.keesha577 8 ай бұрын

This was 🔥

@pryda001 8 ай бұрын

This is a fantastic video. I went through this around 5 weeks ago and it's difficult to see passed the emotions of feeling angry and hurt. So thank you for providing some clarity to the situation

@StephanieLynCoaching 8 ай бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

@TheFearedwarrior 7 ай бұрын

So glad to see someone get through this. It is a very difficult thing to move past. Best wishes!

@justonemmett8604 8 ай бұрын

Such great advice!

@user-ss5ip4nz8s 8 ай бұрын

Thanks Stephanie! I really needed to hear this. 💜

@natalienufer9262 8 ай бұрын

Loved this thank you

@theeJZ 8 ай бұрын

Perfect video thank you! Needed every word

@Eridanus0001 8 ай бұрын

Brilliant. Thank you.

@OliveJuice 8 ай бұрын

Thank you SO much for this. ❤

@johnbehneman1546 8 ай бұрын

Thank you so much

@survivor1651 8 ай бұрын

This video is everything!! ❤❤

@deb2319 8 ай бұрын

This is such an awesome talk. Thank You🎉

@arushi4087 8 ай бұрын

thank you so much. ur so strong bc of what u went thru

@CedrickBagley 8 ай бұрын

I definitely watched over and over. As a trucker, you spend a lot of time alone. Which causes you to do a lot of thinking. Not always thinking positive thoughts. This brings me back to reality.

@judyyates2763 8 ай бұрын

Thank God you are using your time as a trucker to think. My ex used his time to go on dating apps! I was loving and loyal. I guess I was too boring ❤

@StephanieLynCoaching 8 ай бұрын

Feed your mind! You have the best job to be able to do that 💪

@CedrickBagley 8 ай бұрын

@@judyyates2763 For me it was the opposite. My ex-wife was hooking up with half of Utah while I was on the road.

@CedrickBagley 8 ай бұрын

@@StephanieLynCoaching Thank you. And thank you for your work. Your videos literally saved my life. I was nearly at my end when I discovered your channel.

@judyyates2763 8 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry. I know the hurt. ❤️🙏