Don’t Panic! | Ash Wednesday vs. Valentine’s Day | Trump: “I Want To Be Loved!”

Рет қаралды 1,629,107

4 ай бұрын

Russia might be pursuing space nukes, Catholic Americans celebrated two very different holidays today, and the former president is desperate for affection. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.

Пікірлер: 1 500

@zesty9815 4 ай бұрын

5:40 _"I love you, Melania! ... your guidance, kindness and warmth."_ *_"I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?"_*

@hlk5887 4 ай бұрын

😄

@chonqmonk 4 ай бұрын

You mean Melanie?

@SugarandSarcasm 4 ай бұрын

Kindness and warmth is a tad confusing. Made me chuckle though

@mikemondano3624 4 ай бұрын

_"your guidance, kindness and warmth"_ She just wrapped a heating pad around his junk and went to her own room.

@delta5297 4 ай бұрын

The only thing that Donald Trump loves is himself.

@peterp2626 4 ай бұрын

"Self gifting is on the rise, that's a stroker." You got that right.

@nartouzumaki8232 4 ай бұрын

Glad this Story has a Happy Ending 💦

@kingalfred2014 4 ай бұрын

My mom said if I self-gifted I'd go blind.

@landonewts 4 ай бұрын

Glad I’m not the only one who noticed that. 😂

@DuchessofEarlGrey 4 ай бұрын

@@kingalfred2014 And get hairy palms.

@richardr9294 4 ай бұрын

I'd rather self gift with the assistance of Rosie Palm & her five sisters. 🙂

@annsanse2935 4 ай бұрын

"his subconscious jumped up out of his throat and strangled his brain."

@DissectGibberish 4 ай бұрын

What brain?

@tracytaylor5115 4 ай бұрын

Is he a Vogon, by any chance?

@venus22118 4 ай бұрын

Oh my God, Trump's Freudian slip - 'I want to be loved' - is a valentines gift to us all! 💝 😂

@nadiamccall4311 4 ай бұрын

narcissists often say this, they prefer to be worshipped and to them that is love. Everything revolves around their need to be worshipped, they will kill for that and not miss a step.

@alex35agm 4 ай бұрын

And we want him in prison, which we will all love.

@shermanculbertson6244 4 ай бұрын

Thank you so much New York for voting blue and flipping a seat.

@whocares2087.1 4 ай бұрын

Yes we can!

@buzz5969 4 ай бұрын

Blue is why yall got all those illegals 😅😂

@ahlivetuhsidamaro150 4 ай бұрын

Right!!!!? Ugh! It’s about time they’re doing the smart thing

@bigd_snowbirder 4 ай бұрын

@@buzz5969Illegal what?

@jiukumite 4 ай бұрын

@@bigd_snowbirderThat comment has been blocked. What did they say?

@jessicazaytsoff1494 4 ай бұрын

Steven and Evie are adorable. It makes me smile to see them!

@y_fam_goeglyd 4 ай бұрын

She's his best guest ❤

@jodyfulford8215 4 ай бұрын

Don't we all want to find love like that ❤

@SugarandSarcasm 4 ай бұрын

@@jodyfulford8215is that a rhetorical question? Either way, yes!

@TVFilmFriends 3 ай бұрын

But… uhm… you do realize you didn’t see them in this clip? Because it kinda sounds like you don’t 😂

@mrt5040 4 ай бұрын

"I SHALL BE LOVED" will be his first decree as "day-one-dictator".

@myedoxx 4 ай бұрын

When you hear "no reason to panic" it means it's time to start panicking before it's too late🤣

@oceanwoods 4 ай бұрын

I couldn’t deal living in this crazy world, without these brilliant and hilarious commentaries

@smartperson1 4 ай бұрын

Omg the way his eyes light up just mentioning Evie. 😍

@Opus313 4 ай бұрын

Happy Valentine's Day! It's rather appropriate that it falls on hump day... and for those not partaking, Happy Wednesday!

@souhilabouchareb9386 4 ай бұрын

Happy Valentine's Day America. Sending "mon amour" to Stephen Colbert, the writers & the viewers. My deepest thoughts to people in Kansas City. 🇫🇷❤️🇺🇲

@XiaoGuanYin104 4 ай бұрын

And Evie. ❤

@davidgoosen1633 4 ай бұрын

It's okay people in Kansas City are used to snow.

@EmilyBltz 4 ай бұрын

Merci d'avoir pensé à nous. prends soin de toi❤I’m trying to learn French. It is such a beautiful language -

@thomasbayles8203 4 ай бұрын

@@davidgoosen1633I think the OP is referring to the shootings that took place in KC.

@davidgoosen1633 4 ай бұрын

@@thomasbayles8203 I didn't know they were shootings must have happened today or yesterday?

@JBBost 4 ай бұрын

"That's a stroker" I just wanted to acknowledge the best pun

@PaulShivery 4 ай бұрын

Yep, only came to comments for that one

@81caasi 4 ай бұрын

@PaulShivery - I Lol'ed at that one!

@jasonbrownjourno 4 ай бұрын

had to scroll down a bit@@PaulShivery but we're here!

@kiriuxeosa8716 4 ай бұрын

Yeah I was about to call that out too lol 😆

@Thurston86 4 ай бұрын

😫 Oh no! Please, don’t send Seagal back!

@DeKalbGal 4 ай бұрын

He should be declared Foreign Agent of a Hostile Nation and cancel his passport

@neilsoulman 3 ай бұрын

😂

@DrVictorVasconcelos 4 ай бұрын

Yeah, Suozzi's mixup is why, as a neuropsychologist, I think claims against both Biden and Trump are ridiculous. People mix stuff up when they're giving speeches. The only thing that actually gave me pause was Trump's mixup of Pelosi and Haley.

@firstlast-gn5bo 4 ай бұрын

Chump has glasses he refuses to wear to read the teleprompter. I’ve seen them on him once in the trillion pics we’ve had to endure.

@SpaceForceCommander 4 ай бұрын

It’s only a matter of time before Melania says she has never met Donald, she has photos taken with lots of people, and Donald may have once handed her a coffee.

@charminglife6150 4 ай бұрын

She probably never imagined he’d live this long.

@mikemondano3624 4 ай бұрын

For a long time, the staff didn't know her name. From the plaque on her bedroom door, they thought she was "Diebold".

@jpdemer5 4 ай бұрын

I'm sure she wishes it were that way.

@rjd3wine 4 ай бұрын

Is Melania hoping for a 2024 expiration date too?

@c2757 4 ай бұрын

@@charminglife6150Yep! What he's paying her is getting pretty miserable as an hourly rate and even that assumes he's actually paying her.

@housemoney2143 4 ай бұрын

I have watched this so many times while being at sea and it’s really cool for someone to acknowledge the life of those at sea

@james9524 4 ай бұрын

Just nuclear weapons in space? That's a relief. I thought that maybe the Russians had cloned Tucker Carlson.

@wintertrooper7918 4 ай бұрын

They don't need to they have the entire republican party

@DissectGibberish 4 ай бұрын

I wouldn't mind Carlson in space, we couldn't hear him then...

@janw2405 4 ай бұрын

😂

@handyvickers 4 ай бұрын

Hahahahaaaa....

@backupplan6058 4 ай бұрын

@@DissectGibberishI’m sure there are international agreements that we don’t just launch our trash into space.

@user-md4di6yg2p 4 ай бұрын

Suozzi: "and I wanna thank the Antarcticans!*

@josephgabriel3609 4 ай бұрын

Hilarious!😂

@Nat-eb1ix 4 ай бұрын

And the furries!

@nunyabusiness9043NunyaBiz 4 ай бұрын

Hmmm… Antarctica, the only continent that didn’t experience genocide in the millions by Christians.

@lynnlytton8244 4 ай бұрын

Dude, those are penguins that escaped from the zoo to enjoy the Antarctic weather. They're too young to vote, although they already have offspring. Probably they came to your party because when they tried the R's gathering, your opponent either told them they were too lazy to work, or that they were stealing American jobs.

@curanderoverde 4 ай бұрын

🤣🤣 I freaking love Colbert

@cynthiawilson4500 4 ай бұрын

Hmm..mothertucker goes to Russia and next you know theres a threat alert involving Russia.🤔🤨

@susanfanning9480 4 ай бұрын

Tucker hates Americans just as much Rump does. .

@davidsantor1760 4 ай бұрын

The fother mucker ought to have stayed there ....

@firstlast-gn5bo 4 ай бұрын

Putin should have detained him. Free Navalny and put tucks in his place.

@richardbraakman7469 4 ай бұрын

Tucks went there as a secret agent and brought back the nuke info

@haraldgriefbacon1373 4 ай бұрын

The end of Stephen's monologue tonight was epic. DJT's inner child poked his needy little head out of the gelatinous gooey mass of digested hamberders and shakes and cried out for love. DJT wants to destroy because he has never received love.

@lenawagenfuehr53 4 ай бұрын

He was always the destroyer - look what he did to his older brother.

@firstlast-gn5bo 4 ай бұрын

ID brains don’t recognize that emotion.

@Onora619 4 ай бұрын

"I want to be loved" is probably the only true thing he's ever said.

@immortalfrieza 4 ай бұрын

I'd be surprised if it wasn't a lie, since Trump is far too conceited to not think that everybody loves him.

@FrisbeeGirl 4 ай бұрын

"That's a stroker...." Oh, the LOLs!

@J-dizzle2021 4 ай бұрын

You forgot about the postnup, Steven. There's at least 2 of them. Plus, she has been invisibly by his side for years now. 😂

@MrDeathpilot 4 ай бұрын

Melania is the queen of the gold-diggers. There is no way any sane person would marry such a blatant narcissistic sociopath like Trump if it wasn't a business arrangement. Agolf Shitler is totally unlovable.

@laalaa99stl 4 ай бұрын

"I WANT TO BE LOVED" is the first true thing that's ever come out of his fat little thumbs.

@Jo-oc8sc 4 ай бұрын

That is really perceptive! Well done.

@katsong3302 4 ай бұрын

tho he doesn’t have a clue what that could be or feel like so had to put it in quotes?

@GildaLee27 4 ай бұрын

"I WANT TO BE LOVED" said the draft dodger, serial bankrupt, fraud, rapist and traitor.

@georgelayton6641 4 ай бұрын

Maybe he should try, not being hateful, if he wants love.

@Botchedtoeknife 4 ай бұрын

Sure was weird 😂

@DaremKurosaki 4 ай бұрын

I just asked my wife if she's married. She didn't sound sure.

@hayleyferguson3346 4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂

@christophermarshall527 4 ай бұрын

I think all people need love, and I do so hope Trump will finally find true love, within the friendly secure atmosphere of the US Prison system.

@handyvickers 4 ай бұрын

Brilliant.... 😂

@Alexo1954 4 ай бұрын

Where he can play "Hide The Soap"....

@ronitennant5253 4 ай бұрын

Or his new homeland in Russia, if he runs away instead. Either way, good deal!

@SJC49 4 ай бұрын

There are probably a lot of Republican convicts lining up to be Donnie’s special someone!♥️

@user-tn3qf1gg1j 4 ай бұрын

Donnie with Russia, Russia, Russia with Love , the apple of pooptin's adventurism in American politics

@jackrice2770 4 ай бұрын

Oooh! I'm self-gifting myself $600 in car repairs! Thanks me! Gotta keep the wheels turning.

@firstlast-gn5bo 4 ай бұрын

❤Same here, yesterday. Front brakes, rotors and calipers on a 14 yo Civic with only 94K on it. ❤

@TheLyricalCleric 4 ай бұрын

Such a sad little man. “I want to be loved!” said the man who loved nobody and nothing else besides himself.

@RippleDrop. 4 ай бұрын

He wants love from everyone but loves no one 😂

@GG-kt2uk 4 ай бұрын

Happy Valentine's Day to Americas sweetest couple Stephen ❤️Evie 💕💘💕💘💕

@christophermerlot3366 4 ай бұрын

I'm celebrating. It's Hash Wednesday!!.

@kristinLB 4 ай бұрын

Happily unmarried and self gifting!! 🙋‍♀️ let’s celebrate people who choose to be single!

@jcoopes5604 4 ай бұрын

Or decided to rid yourself of the toxic one! Get those batteries cranking!

@SugarandSarcasm 4 ай бұрын

@@jcoopes5604😂

@SugarandSarcasm 4 ай бұрын

Bought my own frickin flowers. And cake lol

@DouglasRichardson-er4ky 4 ай бұрын

🙋🏻‍♂️ I am celebrating being single in Buckeye Arizona 🤠🌵🐎🇺🇸💙

@royroland3884 4 ай бұрын

@SugarandSarcasm that's good because it's also important to love yourself.

@NewMessage 4 ай бұрын

I was certain Santos would end up with a Bravo show by now... not often society comes through and pleasantly surprises me.. Nice.

@gamepapa1211 4 ай бұрын

"I want to be loved" sounds like a desperate cry for help. Fathers, hug your sons and tell them you love them. Because if they dont, they might just grow up to be Donald Trump.

@mortisCZ 4 ай бұрын

That's a very good reason.

@marywinter2185 4 ай бұрын

That would be a disaster! It might even be criminal!

@rhetoricalquestion6009 4 ай бұрын

My pet theory is DJT was never told 'no' when he was a toddler. Fathers, tell your sons you love them, but don't tell them they can always have everything they want.

@eric2500 4 ай бұрын

Or one of his sons!

@katepreble8574 4 ай бұрын

@@rhetoricalquestion6009 I just read Mary Trump’s book. Highly recommend. Gives insight into all that

@XXsirstrawhatXX 4 ай бұрын

Knowing Russia, the nuclear weapons they're putting up in space.... IS POTATO.

@Seigensi 4 ай бұрын

Spatato.

@SpaceForceCommander 4 ай бұрын

Trump has to pay women to physically love him, either through hush money or money from marriage.

@cindytripp 4 ай бұрын

And also for him sexually abusing them.

@buzz5969 4 ай бұрын

I call that lust😊

@SLYdevil 4 ай бұрын

'marrage' is more than a mail order Slavic beard

@SLYdevil 4 ай бұрын

@@buzz5969close.. More like he didn't want to look weird..

@teleny2 4 ай бұрын

Personally, I'd rather get lucky with Engoron!

@coyley72 4 ай бұрын

Phew. They flipped Blue. Keep it up, Districts.

@SLYdevil 4 ай бұрын

Ty NY 4 not being FLA

@Jo-oc8sc 4 ай бұрын

Don’t break up with yourself on Valentine’s Day, unless you wanted a pizza.

@mariacatherine229 4 ай бұрын

This made me laugh so hard--and it gave me an idea of how to get myself a free pizza!

@ggjohnson5754 4 ай бұрын

Sounds like a plan!

@aWOKEn1445 4 ай бұрын

Trump's "I WANT TO BE LOVED", popping up like that out of his subconscious, reminded me of the Excorcist, when the demon displayed "help me" on the girl's stomach.😱👿👹 (Correction: It is was the girl's suppressed self, not the demon, signaling for help.)

@chonqmonk 4 ай бұрын

Why would the demon write help me? Don't you think it was Regan (the girl) asking for help while the demon controlled her?

@artbargra 4 ай бұрын

I thought it was more like in cartoons, when someone is writing a letter and someone else interrupts them, and the interruption goes in the letter. Trump: "I stayed out of the race...." Eric: "I WANT TO BE LOVED DADDY!" Trump: "Did you hear something, Melania? Melania...?"

@aWOKEn1445 4 ай бұрын

@@chonqmonk yes, I should correct that.

@mikemondano3624 4 ай бұрын

Correction: It was nothing and no one. It was a movie.

@yurielcundangan9090 4 ай бұрын

Thank you New York for voting blue and flipping a seat

@buzz5969 4 ай бұрын

Blue is why NY has all those illegals😅 😂

@chonqmonk 4 ай бұрын

Are you also Sherman Culbertson?

@Slo-ryde 4 ай бұрын

Let’s hope it continues so we can take back the House!

@ellynmacgregor8210 4 ай бұрын

@@Slo-ryde 💙💙💙💙💙💙🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@adeltawfeek4847 4 ай бұрын

Trump, If you really want to be loved, move to the moon.😂

@jandrews6254 4 ай бұрын

Pluto looks good this time of year

@BaconTomatoCheese 4 ай бұрын

Or if you want to stay on Earth, I hear Tucker Carlson’s giving Russia a ringing endorsement…

@sunnyinaspen 4 ай бұрын

Could never give you up. Too many funny lines to remember.

@gamepapa1211 4 ай бұрын

Congratulations to New York for kicking George Santos out and flipping a House seat blue. It's a small step, but a damn fine one!

@MrDeathpilot 4 ай бұрын

It's a sign of things to come.

@Slo-ryde 4 ай бұрын

Well yes, but look who occupied that seat…. Under normal circumstances I don’t think it would have been that easy for the Dems!

@roan9914 4 ай бұрын

Suozzi was an known face in that area he was previously the representative, and was well liked for his problem solver centrist views

@bradleybrown8399 4 ай бұрын

Congress kicked him out, not New York. Still a great day.👍🏼

@mammawlee 4 ай бұрын

🗳💙Cool Joe is THE best! 🗳💙🗳💙🗳💙🗳💙🗳💙

@ircjesselee 4 ай бұрын

Great monolog. My face slightly hurts from laughing and smiling for 8 straight minutes 😂

@Blacksharq 4 ай бұрын

Prayer to Kansas & Gaza 😢

@nadinadi8385 4 ай бұрын

You forgot “thoughts!”

@StoneE4 4 ай бұрын

@@nadinadi8385 ...and the ™ symbol that goes after.

@stotheh 4 ай бұрын

Never left his side? Never been by it!

@dielaughing73 4 ай бұрын

Taps head

@laalaa99stl 4 ай бұрын

MAGA leader: I need you to impeach someone. idc who it is. Just impeach someone. We gotta get some points on the board. We're scoreless here!

@SLYdevil 4 ай бұрын

MAGA Leader-😂-oxymoron & 1/2

@swagedelic 4 ай бұрын

Send Mike Johnson back to Russia.

@CourageKarnga 4 ай бұрын

Just the kind of leadership you need. Yikes!

@stefanschleps8758 4 ай бұрын

Scoreless and clueless! The GQP couldn't run a carnival!

@neiloflongbeck5705 4 ай бұрын

@@stefanschleps8758they have plenty of clowns, though.

@lorettanericcio-bohlman567 4 ай бұрын

Happy self gifting day ❤️‍🔥

@morebirdsandroses 4 ай бұрын

I ordered a lovely Cruella tee!❤

@racookster 4 ай бұрын

Right after Stephen read that last Trump tweet, I became aware of my facial expression. I wasn't laughing. I was making a scrunched-up "Ooo" face. It's a good thing for Trump that most Americans don't know anything about psychology. Trump is embarrassing. And dangerous.

@_taxman_ 4 ай бұрын

Since you know so much about psychology, I nedent tell you that Freud would interpret your scrunched up o face as a desire to fellate.

@johnny_eth 4 ай бұрын

So because he doesn't get paid her wants the rape the whole country? If I can't have to no one can mentality?

@jankwartel1860 4 ай бұрын

Huh? He ISN'T stupid anymore? When did THAT happen? 🤔

@scourge6563 4 ай бұрын

Trumpolini is smart enough to nearly topple democracy in this country, along with help from Republicans naturally, and he's still trying and still far too close to achieving it, so don't get too comfortable.

@Forge17 4 ай бұрын

@@jankwartel1860Trump is a multitasker, he’s regularly stupid and dangerous. Bigly

@anthonydurante1149 4 ай бұрын

As I get older, the more ridiculous the images of Valentine's Day become. I picked up an assortment of pastries and sushi, got a card, and checked out. Walking to my car, there was a lineup of 50+ deep men having their just-purchased flowers giftwrapped. Not one of them had a smile on their face. It's become a day to save your relationship, and avoid your balls from being busted.

@Daria-dp8to 4 ай бұрын

Poor Eric is still knocking on his dad's door after that love tweet, Trump told the staff not to answer it. VOTE BLUE 💙💙💙

@theamazingworldofchewy2220 4 ай бұрын

My wife and I went to church for St. Valentine’s day. Double whammy celebrating St Valentine with mass and start of lent 🥰

@beenaplumber8379 4 ай бұрын

There was this guy about a century ago who celebrated St Valentine with mass... acre. He was Catholic too, I think. (Ok, I don't know, and I can't be bothered to check Wikipedia.) When I was a kid in Catholic school, one of the 3 priests at the church that ran my school was Father Capone. Coincidence??? Gimme a coupla days and I'll come up with a viable conspiracy theory.

@DissectGibberish 4 ай бұрын

@@beenaplumber8379 No thanks, too many lunatic conspiracy theories floating around as is.

@tinay9491 4 ай бұрын

the threat? it's traitor t . #trumpisnotwell

@hemeoncn 4 ай бұрын

When I was in the Navy in the 80s this was considered as a way to kill satellites or create an EMP. This tactic has never went away.

@laalaa99stl 4 ай бұрын

I'm only here for Valentine's first drafts with Evie.

@chuckoneill2023 4 ай бұрын

Actually, the new congressman should thank the Republicans. Could they have possibly picked a worse candidate?

@SugarandSarcasm 4 ай бұрын

Senator Brain Damage and Governor Different Kind of Brain Damage come to mind

@AhavaMath 4 ай бұрын

I actually like her and wish she would have stayed a democrat. Continuing to support Trump is a big facepalm though.

@RippleDrop. 4 ай бұрын

Republicans have the worst candidates.

@djpants 4 ай бұрын

Stephen is a treasure

@Gaming_Antics 4 ай бұрын

So you go to church and they draw a heart on your forehead with ashes.

@smhamerica 4 ай бұрын

Lmao, God I L O V E Him!😅 Stephen is my Feel Good Person!😅💯 Happy Valentine's Day!🥰 #Buddieizreal

@philrabe910 4 ай бұрын

Looking back, I realize that though the pandemic times were bad, the bleak dystopia that became our days and weeks during the Writers Strike...was worse. Thank goodness for the deal however.

@wtf1185 4 ай бұрын

That's a real stroker is the best throw away line I've heard in a long time, and Stephen delivered it with perfection.

@leannevandekew1996 4 ай бұрын

For Saint Valentine's day, Putin is so grateful that he sent Trump a jar of hummus: it's made of Russian chick pea.

@jaquanpowell4605 4 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@michaelteret4763 4 ай бұрын

Is potato.

@leannevandekew1996 4 ай бұрын

@@michaelteret4763 Ivan, Are you paid in vodka or potatoes?

@jeremycurtis2334 4 ай бұрын

@@leannevandekew1996 Is there a difference? Lots of good vodkas are liquified alcoholic potatoes.

@y_fam_goeglyd 4 ай бұрын

🤣🤣🤣 good one!

@kimweaver1252 4 ай бұрын

EVIE!!!!! WE WANT MORE EVIE!!!! She's great.

@brandond8119 4 ай бұрын

That’s a stroker, gold 😂

@jinstinky501 4 ай бұрын

"That's a stroker." Amazing!!!

@MikeBesk 4 ай бұрын

Russia sending a bioweapon back with Tucker Carlson would be about the only way that "interview" could've gone any more wrong.

@ZachariahLoneStarLiberal 4 ай бұрын

Stephen Colbert Goat!

@SpaceForceCommander 4 ай бұрын

These days, Steven Seagal is only dangerous if he falls on you.

@dawnsmith9596 4 ай бұрын

LOL!!!

@whocares2087.1 4 ай бұрын

IDK, his views are dangerous.

@nicholasstocker8864 4 ай бұрын

If only he can up and not be seated for every movie he’s in.

@bryanroldan9724 4 ай бұрын

Please go watch this guy “Red Eye Reviews” he does the funniest Seagal videos ever

@drinkmorecareless 4 ай бұрын

OOF

@Kvothe3 4 ай бұрын

That's a stroker 😂

@aggressiveattitudeera887 4 ай бұрын

I caught that, too.

@Kvothe3 4 ай бұрын

I think catching is ok, as long as there is no repetitive tugging. But I'm no bishop...

@IkanisuShikari 4 ай бұрын

Brilliant as always. Also, is it just me, or did Suozzi's audio sound like it came straight out of the 1940s?

@josephgabriel3609 4 ай бұрын

Not just you! LOL! If the footage were in B&W he would LOOK like he’s from the ‘40’s as well.!

@zesty9815 4 ай бұрын

5:40 _"I love you, Melania! Sorry about last year in court -- 'That's Marla, yeah, that's my wife.' I'm doing great with cognitive."_

@robertcowan7610 4 ай бұрын

The list of specific Thank you's seems a bit laborious and perhaps a bit hokie but it's also refreshing in a very real way.

@amyjackson8725 4 ай бұрын

I was doing a survey online about tv and it had "The Late Show" as an example of a "news program"😂😂😂😂

@Shatterverse 4 ай бұрын

That guy in New York's microphone was so bad that it sounded like he was giving his victory speech from 1950.

@RippleDrop. 4 ай бұрын

Thinking the same

@andercoyote4170 4 ай бұрын

I liked it.

@NewMessage 4 ай бұрын

I could use a few big friendly letters reading 'Don't Panic' in my life.

@Opus313 4 ай бұрын

Just make sure to have your towel...

@NewMessage 4 ай бұрын

@@Opus313 Hehe.. knew you'd catch it.

@dawnadriana1764 4 ай бұрын

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy... xoxo

@Tonyhouse1168 4 ай бұрын

I’d love a meal at the restaurant at the end of the universe. And also, 42

@SpaceForceCommander 4 ай бұрын

Trump saying he loves someone else besides money and Ivanka is such an obvious lie! 🤦🏻‍♂️

@robertcowan7610 4 ай бұрын

That's not love that he has for Ivanka. It's lust.

@tinay9491 4 ай бұрын

he doesn't love anyone- he desires Ivanka. loser #trumpisnotwell

@beenaplumber8379 4 ай бұрын

Did you see he signed his heartfelt love letter to the love of his life "Donald J. Trump?" Not Don, not Donny, not your sweet & jiggly muffin top, not even your husband by law, but Donald J. Trump. If I'd signed a love letter to my wife "Beena C. Plumber" she'd have been my ex-wife many years earlier. (Might have been better.)

@swagedelic 4 ай бұрын

Trump doesn't love Ivanka, only her cleavage.

@StrideTowardPeace 4 ай бұрын

He only cares about himself. #VoteBlueDownBallot

@josecastrejon414 4 ай бұрын

New York we love you 💙

@blueskies792 4 ай бұрын

Nukes in space would destroy our ability to use space for anything. Yes. This includes your GPS.

@MrDeathpilot 4 ай бұрын

Remember when Reagan wanted to do the same thing? He was less discrete about it's true purpose: He called it "Star Wars" 🤨

@stevetournay6103 4 ай бұрын

Truth...

@firstlast-gn5bo 4 ай бұрын

@@MrDeathpilotYep. SDI.

@roan9914 4 ай бұрын

@@MrDeathpilotthat was Ted Kennedy who came up with that name actually

@cherylmarcuri5506 4 ай бұрын

And some of us who are still "married" also qualify as single, since we live apart and have no intention of trying to rekindle the ashes into embers.

@zesty9815 4 ай бұрын

Melania, is that you? Happy Ash Wednesday!

@Brasswatchman 4 ай бұрын

Huh. Why not get a divorce, then? Too much trouble?

@Chris.Pontius 4 ай бұрын

You must be fun.

@chonqmonk 4 ай бұрын

Ahhh, that's sad. Hope things pick up for ya!

@clairealderwood1928 4 ай бұрын

Nukes in space? Wasn’t that was Reagan’s Star Wars?

@aznprince8517 4 ай бұрын

Star Wars is energy weapons. President Reagan plans to fund a energy weapons for defense in nuclear weapons, but back then energy weapon are not developed yet. So they abandoned it.

@aznprince8517 4 ай бұрын

But now we have lasers to stop missiles. That’s far how they develop energy weapons.

@Nordmann24 4 ай бұрын

Reminds me of the German Minister of the Interior de Maizièr when he said in 2015 after a bomb threat at a soccer match: "Parts of my response would worry the population"

@janetpartyka5968 4 ай бұрын

Oh I'm dying with laughter. "....they aren't paying their fair, I want love daddy please hug...."

@Drew-bc7zj 4 ай бұрын

"I WANT TO BE LOVED" Ladies and gentlemen, the "alpha male" of the Republican party. 😀😆😅😂🤣

@nctpti2073 4 ай бұрын

That bit about anti-satellite weapons is actually very old. I remember talk way back in the 70's about Russia working on those .

@maximeprometheas 4 ай бұрын

4:06 - "Self-gifting ... That's a stroker." LOL!

@TraderRobin 4 ай бұрын

I loved what Florida Democratic Congressman, Jared Moskowitz, said about the Mayorkas impeachment: "The ONLY thing that this will change, is ONE SINGLE LINE on Mayorkas' Wikipedia page!" 🤣🤣🤣

@_Twink 4 ай бұрын

He was impeached though. So his career is probably changing too.

@thisuniquechica 4 ай бұрын

Hahah there IS always that one Islandic American guy 😅

@joannvandenberg4792 4 ай бұрын

Sending Segal back would be the worst thing Russia could do to us😂

@carollockett6996 4 ай бұрын

See, anybody can come up with gaffes when excited, under pressure.

@hanscombe72 4 ай бұрын

Oh lord! Just like Rumsfeld post 9/11. “I don’t know when. I don’t know where. But when it happens it will be bad.”

@DeKalbGal 4 ай бұрын

There was an incumbent Democrat, the constituents voted that one out and elected Santos. I imagine they had a very long year to regret it, so they voted a Democrat back

@eric2500 4 ай бұрын

"They are just jokes, Evie!" She knows where you sleep, Stephen!

@daymoncleveland361 4 ай бұрын

Stephen Colbert is the man love you, Colbert

@nonna_sof5889 4 ай бұрын

It would actually be hilarious to thank the head of the opposing party for running so poorly.

@laalaa99stl 4 ай бұрын

In math, there is such a thing as over-extrapolation. Curb your enthusiasm for the Suozzi win with the knowledge that this district was the one that put Santos in office immediately before him.

@henryzhao4622 4 ай бұрын

Agree although dems have overperfomrd almost every special election since Roe

@coyoteclockworkstudios3140 4 ай бұрын

I just got over here from The Daily Show making that exact point. XD

@kenforu1531 4 ай бұрын

I understand you but,Santos lied his ass off to get in. As others have. This man has experience,and seems genuine. Let's see how he does.

@kateuhler7803 4 ай бұрын

Your math is faulty. Dems have won every important election since 2020 in many states. Look at the midterms too. This recent election is only one of many. In PA, a dem won our house seat too.

@kateuhler7803 4 ай бұрын

Wrong. Dems have won every major election since 2020. Truth. 💯

@gibsonrickenbacker6317 4 ай бұрын

“That’s a stroker” He didn’t even mean to be funny with that but was. Love it!

@Sonatengraf 4 ай бұрын

7:23 The Polarizing Uniter got an unexpected laugh out of me. 5:04 was another highlight for me. The writer's room really deserves to be fed for that great monologue.

@ritabosico3328 4 ай бұрын

That email was real tho.