Donald Trump Doesn't Talk Like A Guy Who Knows What He's Talking About
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4 жыл бұрынThe President seems unconcerned about a possible resurgence of coronavirus infections and is refusing to extend federal social distancing guidelines into May. #Colbert #StephenAtHome #Monologue
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
@lukeholmberg5420 4 жыл бұрын
“No amount of evidence will ever convince an idiot” -Mark Twain Edit: Yes, everyone knows Twain isn’t confirmed to have actually say this, but he is the person who most accept this towards, as nobody else has been proven to say it either.
@jambononi 4 жыл бұрын
I don't believe anyone said that!
@kimclarke5018 4 жыл бұрын
Luke Holmberg yup
@nonyabizness.original 4 жыл бұрын
@@jambononi 😂
@223Drone 4 жыл бұрын
Good quote but unfortunately he didn't actually say that.
@Piecemaker1975 4 жыл бұрын
He didn't say that.
@Kevin_Street 4 жыл бұрын
"And I don't think that they would put a man in who's incompetent." The sheer amount of concentrated irony in this statement might tear apart the fabric of space and time.
@sidilicious11 4 жыл бұрын
Kevin Street luckily irony can’t do that or we’d been destroyed 3 1/2 years ago.
@joesoap5888 4 жыл бұрын
The Hypocrisy is beyond believe right...
@lillianweiss9368 4 жыл бұрын
Joe Soapbf
@wallywallendo 4 жыл бұрын
I went into a trump comment section and immediately closed it. They were also so stupid
@hesaidwhat1267 4 жыл бұрын
And then this nugget: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/gsuVabGf0s7YZ3k.html
@PaulAllann 4 жыл бұрын
Steven's wife's small laughs are as effective in making me smile as any studio audience.
@couragekarnga8735 4 жыл бұрын
My gods, they're adorable!
@Wish-and-Hope 4 жыл бұрын
"And there was never a person that needed a ventilator that didn't get one in any state. Not one person." ... imagine hearing that as a person who had to make the decisions on who got one and who didn't... And if you don't have to imagine: I'm so sorry...
@lisabarrett-smith7692 4 жыл бұрын
Perhaps the person who had to make that decision should sue Drump for quoting that it didn't happen.
@jeeveswinston2545 4 жыл бұрын
I thought of that too. WTF? How insensitive. Please please please people, Vote this year.
@Jenifer_R_ 4 жыл бұрын
"And there was never a person that needed a ventilator that didn't get one in any state. Not one person." We have to wait to watch an illegally uploaded episode of John Oliver in order to find out if this statement is true. I'd be surprised if it is.
@davidweatherholt7263 4 жыл бұрын
Trump was being sarcastic. Wasn't that obvious? He meant to say, "Fuck you if you didn't get a ventilator. Should of been nicer to Jared and he would of rented you one."
@bvkronenberg6786 4 жыл бұрын
Only New York was a third world death factory.
@chrisrichmond1941 4 жыл бұрын
"I had one restaurant owner come up to me..." When and where was this, exactly...?
@barrettzbrowning 4 жыл бұрын
Chris R laughed so hard I almost choked
@chrisrichmond1941 4 жыл бұрын
@@barrettzbrowning Don't do that - I hear hospitals a re a bit stretched at the moment! :-O
@mugan5011 4 жыл бұрын
Same old trick from Trump to validate his argument; that person doesn't exist and that conversation never happened.
@HelloWorldBeHappy 4 жыл бұрын
I thought the same thing! Anyone can just go up to him? How did they get in the White House if he is locked up in there?
@hawkeye5955 4 жыл бұрын
That restaurant owner appeared in his head just a few seconds after he opened his mouth.
@rachelgilbert3164 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen never smiles as much as when his wife is in the room. He always lights up immediately whenever he sees her. Ugh, I LOVE love!
@couragekarnga8735 4 жыл бұрын
I'm in love, and it's the most beautiful thing known to man!
@evermoremystic17 4 жыл бұрын
Aww 😊
@karliekray8290 4 жыл бұрын
I miss the piano accents when Mr Colbert sets imaginary things down. :(
@centralarkansasjudgmentrec2622 4 жыл бұрын
Me tooooooo! 😭😭
@sandwichsteen 4 жыл бұрын
True. But I like hearing it without the applause and laughter.... It's like when some sitcoms started not having a laugh track.
@donnewton7858 4 жыл бұрын
Anytime he says that someone called him 'sir', it's a lie.
@alanmelb 4 жыл бұрын
What about when he starts a patriotic ramble and the voice goes powdery. And he adds totally unnecessary words like 'the test, the beautiful test'. And the childish way he insults those he dislikes, like 'Nervous Nancy' and the 'Lamestream Media'. I honestly don't know why the Russians voted him in.
@jeanjones1846 4 жыл бұрын
Kimmel or Colbert? That's like asking who is worse, Satan or the devil.
@jonathanritchie3963 4 жыл бұрын
@@jeanjones1846 sacastic news, or a 'sarcastic' president? Which will kill you faster?
@jonathanritchie3963 4 жыл бұрын
@@jeanjones1846 Also, Satan and the devil, same guy, just like god is 3 people in one, aka- BS
@amit_patel654 4 жыл бұрын
Anytime he opens his mouth it's a lie
@sonorasgirl 4 жыл бұрын
I love hearing his wife try to hide a chuckle in the background - gold
@shieh.4743 4 жыл бұрын
It's awesome. It's so lovely to see a family that truly love one another. They are obviously also the best of friends.
@OhJodi69 4 жыл бұрын
@r385671 Uhh.....she's talking about Colbert's wife.
@jurgenfreiberger6593 4 жыл бұрын
WHY IS ANYBODY Still ASKING HIM QUESTIONS
@fyf7667 4 жыл бұрын
Colbert seems to talk about him a lot. I think he is actually promoting him.
@jeyzeus 4 жыл бұрын
Because it makes a fun TV program... to the rest of the world.
@dolphalexander 4 жыл бұрын
Idk what these two dinguses are talking about but I'm guessing you're referring to press briefings?
@michael0o5 4 жыл бұрын
because he is POTUS
@bobheck7303 4 жыл бұрын
@@fyf7667 IGNORAMUS HORSESHIT!
@katycrawford8101 4 жыл бұрын
love watching stephen tell his dad jokes in front of his actual children
@BlackLasher 4 жыл бұрын
I only hear Stephen's Trump's voice when I read Trumps tweets now.
@shinarahussain3565 4 жыл бұрын
Especially when you see the dot dot dots
@jennypulczinski7204 4 жыл бұрын
HaHaHa! Me too!
@lisagulick4144 4 жыл бұрын
@@shinarahussain3565 My thought exactly...(dot, dot, dot)
@JakeNoelStorr 4 жыл бұрын
Best way
@SaltheartFoamfollower 4 жыл бұрын
yeah, it's easier on the ears than the orangeassclown's actual voice ... I even hear Stephen's voice when I type my own dot dot dot hahahahahah
@oscarinacan 4 жыл бұрын
We love you Stephen. And don't worry, we're paying attention.
@1584283 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah watching this on my phone, HAH!
@Brass_Monkey 4 жыл бұрын
Hm?
@papasierra4616 4 жыл бұрын
No we are not
@dangerouslytalented 4 жыл бұрын
I’m looking at my phone. Of course that’s because I’m watching it on my phone
@silvasilvasilva 4 жыл бұрын
@@consumerofbeer1716 Yeah, he has enough problems to talk about at home.
@avibernshaw793 4 жыл бұрын
If he hasn't left the Whitehouse in months, where and when exactly did this restaurant manager come up to him? Like, it's such an obvious inconsistency, and yet no one calls that shit out.
@eugeneaxe 4 жыл бұрын
His rock stupid followers believe his every word too.
@jorgejimenez1364 4 жыл бұрын
That was his first lie in 3 and a half years, not bad.
@katiehettinger7857 4 жыл бұрын
No wants him to "not" yell at them. If no one corrects you, you've got it just right. Trump think. 😒
@maxmartin2763 4 жыл бұрын
KFC Delivery kid is there everyday! Trump doesn't lie! 😂😂😂
@fionaanderson5796 4 жыл бұрын
I guess one of his NY mobster mates might own a restaurant. And have called him.
@icantthinkofausername9423 4 жыл бұрын
In Washington we literally did have to decide who got ventilators, I am so upset at this president
@generic3725 4 жыл бұрын
icantthinkofausername please, let’s VOTE HIM out!
@Wendy-zl8kv 4 жыл бұрын
icantthinkofausername 😢
@dandotvid 4 жыл бұрын
@@generic3725 Sadly we didn't even vote him *in*, as Stephen mentioned. If it were possible to vote out a president, he probably would have already been gone.
@michaelthurman47 4 жыл бұрын
@@dandotvid Count your lucky stars that the electoral college did its job and Hilary lost. The Democrats just tried to impeach him and now they're trying to do it again with all of this lame stream media on the Wu Flu.
@lilaclizard4504 4 жыл бұрын
all while he refuses to use the military for anything! No reason at all a military team couldn't sit there manually ventilating anyone there's not enough ventilators for, given how many military members there are in the US! Put them in their standard, reusable chemical/biological protection suits & send them in to ventilate for as long as it takes!
@amc6939 4 жыл бұрын
When and how did this "restaurant owner" just randomly come up to him? Hahaha
@Shiya21xx3 4 жыл бұрын
when he said he was stuck in the white house for months
@davidweatherholt7263 4 жыл бұрын
They met at the fence surrounding the White House. Trump was out walking his ego.
@telectronix1368 4 жыл бұрын
To quote the late, great Linda Smith: "language....isn't his first language"
@hubgiles7889 4 жыл бұрын
Yes,,,,but he IS fluent in BS.
@andyhigs6150 4 жыл бұрын
T Electronix yes very witty. Linda Smith was obviously a sharp cookie,unlike your moron in chief.
@telectronix1368 4 жыл бұрын
@@andyhigs6150 She really was. A great loss.
@Gundam4 4 жыл бұрын
Going south quickly is an understatement
@penelopepigeon8505 4 жыл бұрын
Keep going till he hits Cuba.
@colwilliamnoydb4134 4 жыл бұрын
Getting day drunk with your supportive family is a treasure. It's amazing how he still supports and keeps his kids who are in their 20's still at home. He is a good dad.
@heathercook1918 4 жыл бұрын
"I want to get out of the White House" says Trump. Lol I am going to try to help him with that with my vote in November
@joeblack1126 4 жыл бұрын
It will be wasted fool.
@JackDullBoy5 4 жыл бұрын
Don’t worry he’ll definitely be gone, with any luck he’ll catch a dose!
@tanyakasim3988 3 жыл бұрын
So am I.
@Miss11779 4 жыл бұрын
I love hearing the wife and kids giggle in the background now and then!!! 🥰😅🙌🏼
@bluegreenglue6565 4 жыл бұрын
"The ear is the bacon of the face." Almost spilled my coffee.
@michaelzurilla7639 4 жыл бұрын
Raechel Jackson-Ward ikr couldn’t get past that 🤣
@DA-wv7dn 4 жыл бұрын
"now if youre worried that kids will just forge their parent's signatures, youre smarter than the governor of Georgia"
@xg6hpyk 4 жыл бұрын
Obviously
@jeffreyjewell75 4 жыл бұрын
李矿 Bahahahaha
@EMurph42 4 жыл бұрын
李矿 we have a broken election system. More ppl voted for the other person. System is low IQ
@kender1412 4 жыл бұрын
@@EMurph42 -- No, the system is brilliant. We don't want four or five states determining the election results. A fair system would give each state an equal number of electors in the electoral college. Each state would have two senators and 10 or 12 house representatives divided up into region based on ANYTHING other than population. Every two big cities would get one house representative and the rural areas would claim the rest. That way, those of us who enjoy rural life and self-sufficiency could live or lives without fear of you all bending us over the casting couch. Instead, we have this populace based system that makes it so the large cities enforce their will over the rest of the nation. Govern your cities. Pass local laws and regulations. Leave the rest of out of your aurhoritatian, dictatorial, fascist bullshit. If you, with your high taxes and massive populace cannot afford what you want to do, don't force the rest of us to pay for it if we don't want it. Let us live our lives the way we want to and we're happy to let you live your lives the way you want to. Just leave us the fuck out of it.
@_xancurse_12 4 жыл бұрын
I know I used to forge my mom's signature. Never had an issue.
@calimero3625 4 жыл бұрын
Please let him have his rallies, and more: let them ALL sit one next to the other! Let'em share the buggers ^o^
@michael0o5 4 жыл бұрын
You do realize that those people are then going to interact with the rest of us.
@lesliehohenfeld1 4 жыл бұрын
Cali Mero I’d agree, Except for the local police who have to be on duty for the rallies.
@calimero3625 4 жыл бұрын
@@lesliehohenfeld1 Then give the policemen some hazmat suits. They'll need at least that to protect themselves from Trump's (and his followers) poisonous stench...
@sergchavez7613 4 жыл бұрын
All three of you in this comment will probly be one of the first in line for your vaccine and your Paten 606060 chip
@calimero3625 4 жыл бұрын
@@sergchavez7613 LOL!
@shaneomack5018 4 жыл бұрын
When donnie plays that invisible accordion you know he is lying
@chloekey8043 4 жыл бұрын
And when he opens his mouth
@singapuraboom7666 4 жыл бұрын
and Donnie plays that invisible accordion whenever he speaks
@ericfisher9513 4 жыл бұрын
It's the only thing he is good at accordion lies
@thathobbitlife 4 жыл бұрын
I've never thought about it but YES! The invisible accordion
@andrabook8758 4 жыл бұрын
how can he have an oversupply of masks where there is still an ongoing pandemic at home and abroad. seriously, how can anyone be this bad at this? put them in the stores bc they've been sold out for months. sell them to those who need them. That's not a "problem" that's a lack of supply chain to get the supplies to where they're needed
@laalaa99stl 4 жыл бұрын
NSYNC's "It's gonna be me", Paul Simon's "50 Ways to leave your lover," and "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight & the Pips. That's some range you've got there, Stephen.
@janetfain6389 4 жыл бұрын
“Mr. President, we would all love to see you get out”
@tinakrautkremer4731 4 жыл бұрын
Speak for yourself.. I hope that Trump's in office another 4 yrs and then his sons.. TRUMP POTUS 2020 and beyond 🇺🇸
@jimfortner9585 4 жыл бұрын
Dream on and get your meds refilled and comfort blanket ready for another 4 years. Trump will soundly defeat Biden on Election Day...... you”Occupy” idiots have such a small following, you barely register as even 1/10 of the population, much less the leftist drones the media tries to portray as a major part of the Democrat party.... The fact you consider Colbert as a source of anything newsworthy shows your ignorance.
@Justifyingbeing 4 жыл бұрын
Joe biden lol...
@EleneDOM 4 жыл бұрын
@@jimfortner9585 Which I'm sure is why your idol's approval rating stays in the low 40s. Because there are so very few of us who can't stand him.
@josephzapata4279 4 жыл бұрын
Tina Krautkremer sorry but cult members are and will always continue to be on the verge of extinction.. so right after we real Americans remove trump you can go crawl back into you holes and make your Fox News claims of how horrible America is without trump?! Lmao 😂
@amirhhashemi 4 жыл бұрын
Is it just my lack of entertainment or is Stephen funnier since he’s been doing the show from home??
@LosseB 4 жыл бұрын
He's lost the last of his f*cks to be nice. Sassy Stephen is fantastic
@xiaogao5159 4 жыл бұрын
it's much more off the cuff. and sassy
@macforme 4 жыл бұрын
Amir.... nope, you are right on...he is doing a great job at home.... I wish we could meet Peter.... er? did I miss him on the show? Besides his foot,I mean.
@KuueenKumi 4 жыл бұрын
They're all funnier. It feels natural and comfortable, a lot more like they're actually performing for us at home, not an audience AND us
@sdrz42 4 жыл бұрын
@john connolly fake news
@cilbow5084 4 жыл бұрын
Why does everyone keep saying “when the second wave happens”? Isn’t the “1st wave” still happening?
@unidentifiedbeing8149 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah it is.
@SRosenberg203 4 жыл бұрын
It is, but it's beginning to slow down. However as the first wave slows, and people relax the restrictions, the second wave beings to pick up strength.
@kirtwilliamswilliams5280 4 жыл бұрын
Its not a wave it's a tsunami
@kirtwilliamswilliams5280 4 жыл бұрын
Mexican wave
@paulhanley3368 4 жыл бұрын
There will always be cases its just whoops welcome back my friend. Our country will likely just get a herd immunity at this point. Its estimated we have 10 million actual cases. In the coming months it will rise. Once it hits 60% we have enough immunity to have only a smoldering case rate. At 95% the desease can not propagate far.
@Eddiember 4 жыл бұрын
Shout out to everyone who is watchong this on their phone.
@monkeyman321 4 жыл бұрын
I'm starting to lose sight on one eye man, now I'm using the tv more.
@200_IM 4 жыл бұрын
@@monkeyman321 😊♡
@michaelwertzy9808 4 жыл бұрын
I'm cool doing 84 on the interstate! Need only one eye on the phone and texting and one eye on the white line and the "other one" trying to find the roach that I just dropped. Lit! Pax
@helenpatterson3858 4 жыл бұрын
@@michaelwertzy9808 I love you.
@dontbefatuousjeffrey2494 4 жыл бұрын
@@helenpatterson3858 Get in line, Helen. This one's a keeper.
@MsRubyRayne 4 жыл бұрын
These shows are so much better than in studio. The family engagement is hilarious.
@sasquatchfoote8235 4 жыл бұрын
"Mr President, we would ALL like to get you out of the Whitehouse" Hahahaha 😆, love it!
@882828jc 3 жыл бұрын
He got that sinful looking on his orange face. Only people love those lies and live with chaos will vote for him.
@markgigiel2722 4 жыл бұрын
Actually, in some places they were doubling up (2 persons per ventilator). I just can't handle all the blatant lying and spin anymore.
@NewMessage 4 жыл бұрын
I'm relieved to see he hasn't fired Dr. Fauci yet. Guess he's having more trouble than he thought he'd have getting in touch with Dr. Nick.
@peterjp4 4 жыл бұрын
Brad Pitt probably saved him. At least bought him some time.
@arimfshapiro7907 4 жыл бұрын
Fauci is more popular than DJT, and Trump knows it.
@darcanjel7 4 жыл бұрын
Hello everybody!
@christopherabbott3484 4 жыл бұрын
@@darcanjel7 hi Dr Nick.
@solvseus 4 жыл бұрын
Trump made a medical expert touch his face. During a pandemic! For anyone who knows anything about medicine and healthcare professionals, this is amazing. They're literally trained not to do that, virus or no. My step-brother took a class in medical school where, if the teacher caught you touching your face at ANY time, you automatically failed. Birx looks ready to tackle Trump if Fauci won't.
@knoahjabriel2389 4 жыл бұрын
What a liar. Trump, “I haven’t been out of the WH in months”. Then out of the other side of his face. “I had a restaurant owner come up to me the other day....
@jamesevans7060 4 жыл бұрын
I said that too !!!
@richardevans9875 4 жыл бұрын
Don't forget his frequent golfing trips.
@solonavi3928 4 жыл бұрын
I am not sure hes lying or just stupid.
@Mythraen 3 жыл бұрын
@@solonavi3928 I mean, one of the two things was untrue. It's hard to attribute that to stupidity. Stupid to be caught in such an obvious lie, sure, but that's still lying.
@c_rupt4071 4 жыл бұрын
My mother was at Mayo Clinic in the virology lab when Pence was there. She wore rainbow earrings that I made for her :)
@naushinahmad588 4 жыл бұрын
Queen 👸💯👏
@al_chem_i_cal 4 жыл бұрын
I will say it is comforting seeing Stephen interact with his family.
@novairene6880 4 жыл бұрын
"...we would all like to get you out of the White House."
@jcayala4252 4 жыл бұрын
"That bagel guy is a tough cookie" Comedic gold right here folks.
@nicks816 4 жыл бұрын
The beginning with Steven Colbert being a dad is probably the most wholesome thing I've seen this quarantine.
@Robustacap 4 жыл бұрын
I wish I could let Stephen Colbert know that he has an audience, which he has said is hard for him to work without. The pace might be different, but I like and find fitting the warm, loving atmosphere Colberts have and bring to the #StephenAtHome
@oriontigley5089 4 жыл бұрын
"I sure hope you at home arn't on your phones, like my son or my wife." Me, watching this video on my phone: **uh oh noises** Me, having spent nearly the whole quarantine on my phone: **UH OH NOISES**
@sarahoshea9603 4 жыл бұрын
😂🤣
@fe5018 4 жыл бұрын
You speak for many of us here.
@debadev2179 4 жыл бұрын
❤️😂😂Same
@15mrlaw 4 жыл бұрын
😂😂🤣 me too
@russelljacob7955 4 жыл бұрын
Confirming I was just about to make this same comment....
@reginaromsey 4 жыл бұрын
How did a restaurant owner come up to Trump who is guarded and isolated in the White House? Did this mythical owner come in a Hamburgler Dream?
@centralarkansasjudgmentrec2622 4 жыл бұрын
😂😂😂
@rasheedagattis2215 4 жыл бұрын
@MrToofunny7 😂😂😂😂
@frankmcgovern5445 4 жыл бұрын
That's what I was thinking. How did he get access to this restaurant owner? He's just too stupid to lie effectively.
@lilaclizard4504 4 жыл бұрын
yeh, that's what I was thinking too! I mean we all know that anytime he says someone came to him & said "sir" that he's lying, but does he even realise how ridiculously transparent this lie is?
@lizardog 4 жыл бұрын
"Sometimes what I feel is better than what I think." Yeesh. By now, everyone knows you react to everything out of pure knee-jerk emotion. Forget second thoughts, Mr. Trump, you don't even have first thoughts. If you had reacted like a leader, instead of whining about the mean Democrats, thousands would still be alive.
@carlpen850 4 жыл бұрын
@ Connie... "The Donald" was sent by God... I guess he ran out of locusts
@marahirving1171 4 жыл бұрын
I love his son and wife response to about what they are doing on their phone...
@faithmosio7551 4 жыл бұрын
Those Princess Bride and 50 Ways jokes were gold!
@Auguur 4 жыл бұрын
"It's the Bacon of the face" OMG Stephen, you are always so freaking funny!
@CptDistraction 4 жыл бұрын
The "50 ways" and "Midnight train" jokes were my favorite.
@baardkopperud 4 жыл бұрын
"One resturant-owner came up to me and said 'Sir...' " Aren't the Chief of Staff - not to mention the Secret Service - supposed to *prevent* people from "just comming up to" the President?! ... *especially* when he's apparently been stuck inside the Whitehouse for months! Shouldn't the guards stopped any fence-jumping resturan-owners crossing the lawn on the way towards the Oval?
@chantalfinn6173 4 жыл бұрын
Me thinks this was a lie 🤔
@brandong8295 4 жыл бұрын
Is this satire?
@cmdraftbrn 4 жыл бұрын
what chief of staff? this administration churns and burns more bodies than a crematorium.
@rock-n-rollfoodie 4 жыл бұрын
LIE...his lips were moving.
@bobheck7303 4 жыл бұрын
SO many people with no name.
@johnburnside7828 4 жыл бұрын
"Someone came up to me and said, 'Sir...'" A part of every big lie.
@bobheck7303 4 жыл бұрын
....repeatedly!......
@jamesdenny4734 4 жыл бұрын
Hmm, makes me wonder... how come trump can not give a name, and it is true, but with others who leave out names are lying telling untruths !
@mikeflanary642 4 жыл бұрын
"People are saying..." is my fav
@MsLul123 4 жыл бұрын
Which restaurant owner is allowed in the White House now?
@desireburnside2531 4 жыл бұрын
Hello from one Burnside to another
@SpiritAscending 4 жыл бұрын
I’m still wearing a mask. And voting for Joe, of course.
@michael0o5 4 жыл бұрын
IM so sick of the democratic party . Not voting for dementia turd who stands for nothing, will say anything, because he was elected by the shadow puppets of the Establishment that is corroding America.
@AG-ig8uf 4 жыл бұрын
And I am still waiting for brave Colbert to cover Biden sexual assault allegations. He has dozens of videos on Kavanaugh, nothing on Biden so far, what a hypocrite.
@jeanjones1846 4 жыл бұрын
Kimmel, Colbert or Fallon how to pick a winner? It's like searching for a tootsie roll in a septic tank!
@willromaine2252 4 жыл бұрын
@@michael0o5 And your answer is? Don't say Trump cuz it's very obvious he is incompetent.
@michaelthurman47 4 жыл бұрын
@@jeanjones1846 Perfect analogy!
@myles5197 4 жыл бұрын
Much needed laugh Steven! I like the Gaffigan impersonation!
@bosvigos9165 4 жыл бұрын
When did that restaurant owner come up to him...? He just said he has been in the WH for months... maybe he ‘mis-spoke’ again!
@I.am.Sarah. 4 жыл бұрын
Maybe he came up to him on twitter and Trump can't tell the difference?
@stephaniehenry5617 4 жыл бұрын
according to Trump he is the most accessible president I ever heard because he always has a story of someone just walking up to him.
@CloudsGirl7 4 жыл бұрын
Maybe it was sarcasm...
@oteatimeo 4 жыл бұрын
Nice catch.
@madbikeboysins 4 жыл бұрын
I thank our lucky stars everyday that we have Prime Minister Ardern leading our country, and not the orange narcissist.
@cuttwice3905 4 жыл бұрын
I am truly envious of you.
@nonyabizness.original 4 жыл бұрын
yeah, well fact of the matter is, here in the usa, we don't have the orange narcissist LEADING our country either. so there. 🤔
@DogsChickensPeacock 4 жыл бұрын
Yes and yes
@sharonharris9782 4 жыл бұрын
You are indeed a very lucky person! Very envious. Hoping to get rid of orangeman in nov. VOTE BLUE USA!
@treehugginmama 4 жыл бұрын
I started researching New Zealand today. I was born an American citizen and I'm getting ready to leave -- like give up citizenship. So depressing to be surrounded by so many people willing to put up with this monster. We are an empire that constantly chooses money and power over human life and I don't want to be identified with it.
@Rabcup 4 жыл бұрын
I love how progressively tipsy Stephen is getting on every one of these
@alo6125 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen, I'm so glad you're here. Love what you're doing for us.
@Metalbass10000 4 жыл бұрын
Wow. Every time I learn something new about Georgia, I just think about how grateful I am to be living over a thousand miles away.
@asher692 4 жыл бұрын
And if the kids can drive that far, they probably deserve the license
@kit2770 4 жыл бұрын
Any leader who says how badly they miss holding rallies, beware of that person. Seriously.
@catherinecoffey8637 4 жыл бұрын
Ah yes Hitler loved rallies and so does kim jong il.
@sadiestoltzfus9798 4 жыл бұрын
@@catherinecoffey8637 Hitler didn't have rallies. Geez.
@JN-Bellicose 4 жыл бұрын
@@sadiestoltzfus9798 Are you being sarcastic?
@nancystowell4877 4 жыл бұрын
@@sadiestoltzfus9798 That is the funniest damned thing today! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣❗👀❗
@donnydrumpf457 4 жыл бұрын
Sadie Stoltzfus you have to be joking.
@BiggerinRealLife 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen: "I hope you at home aren't on your phones..." Me: I watch you on my phone..." Also, "that is better than my show had me laughing out loud."
@edmarkstephenson6963 4 жыл бұрын
Funny 😁😀😁😀😁 can I chat with you privately
@BurstingVeins1 4 жыл бұрын
The best part about these at home shows and is the real family interruptions and behind the scenes stuff. It makes the shows funnier and even more relatable.
@LittledebX22 4 жыл бұрын
“A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.” ― Bertrand Russell, A History of Western Philosophy
@sdfkjgh 4 жыл бұрын
@C J: *malignant narcissist Iftfy. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism
@DJhardknife 4 жыл бұрын
@@tgr5772 your ass is stopped
@TheSuzberry 4 жыл бұрын
T Gr - please turn on your sarcasm sign. Some people aren’t getting the joke.
@michaelawford7325 4 жыл бұрын
T Gr unbelievable to become a Trump convert in spite of the obvious stupidity and dishonesty, causing your countrymen to die unnecessarily. And what makes you think the journalists and us don’t want things to go right. All of us want things to go right except Trump and his followers. They (you) only want to get the economy going at any cost. You can recover from an economic downturn, you can’t recover from death. You’ll be 100,000 dead in a month, even more in states that LIBERATE their people. Sorry mate, you’re gullible. Sadly ,
@DrakeyC 4 жыл бұрын
@Lord Of The World Wrong. A President does not automatically get everyone's support during times of crisis when he is lying about how he had handled the crisis, spreads misinformation about the crisis, and pushes conspiracy theories that the crisis was allowed to happen by political rivals to hurt his image.
@bonibroco1076 4 жыл бұрын
There's a theory that Pence can't wear a mask because his processor would overheat.
@mscloudherder329 4 жыл бұрын
Bon iBroco ... True story. 😂His maintenance crew is trying to come up with a plan to stick a fan up his ass.
@jerseycab1 4 жыл бұрын
@@JamesHarris- Haven't you seen him on the cover of Men's Health.
@charmnGUY 4 жыл бұрын
Or lack of processor(s), heart, brain or vocabularies!
@PersonalPariah 4 жыл бұрын
Can't restrict the flow of hot air.
@devo076 4 жыл бұрын
You weren't cracking these jokes on Al Gore. Hypocrite.
@vinista256 4 жыл бұрын
Dear Trumpies: please feel free to snuggle up close at your massive rallies again. Love, a fellow citizen
@skooliecatwilderness6346 4 жыл бұрын
And all share the same large lollipop.
@roseszabo9472 4 жыл бұрын
I love your family’s involvement in your shows!! Thank you, to Stephen’s family!! I love his/your show!!
@natsune09 4 жыл бұрын
To people living in Georgia: May the odds be ever in your favor
@chandaharkins4418 4 жыл бұрын
Thanks! I'd consider leaving, but that would require driving on the same streets as those kids...
@patpierce4854 4 жыл бұрын
Watch the Georgia case numbers mid May....I live outside of Atlanta, and find the opening prospects nightmarish to say the least.....
@anthonyinyang5714 4 жыл бұрын
Florida is opening next
@willritter4076 4 жыл бұрын
They're going to be okay in Georgia. You can't keep the country closed down forever. Sweden didn't quarantine at all and they did better than most US states.
@donaldtingler9213 4 жыл бұрын
Ya, sorry someone doesn't give a shit about you. Breath Deep gathering doom
@Shicksalblume 4 жыл бұрын
They used to say "if you're flying to hell, you'll have to change planes in Atlanta," but with how conditions will be in Georgia soon I have a feeling it will change to "if you're flying to Atlanta, you're just going to hell anyway."
@willritter4076 4 жыл бұрын
Seriously would you stop it with the exaggerations... the good folks in Georgia are going to be okay. You can't keep the country closed down forever. Sweden didn't quarantine at all and they did better than most US states.
@mr.pavone9719 4 жыл бұрын
@@willritter4076 Talk about false equivalency, Sweden has roughly 1/30th the population of the USA and it's roughly only 1/21th the size. Their population density is far lower and they have a better healthcare system and social safety net than the US.
@mandy833 4 жыл бұрын
@@willritter4076 (A) the health of Sweden citizens is different than that of Georgia residents (B) Georgia currently has 27, 437 cases, 1, 159 deaths, 5, 294 hospitalizations, and 1,225 ICU admissions (C) This is while the state was practicing social distancing (D) The state has not met the criteria for reopening per the federal guidelines Georgia is basically using their residents as an experiment. I don't know if you don't live there and that is why you don't care or if you just don't understand public health emergencies, global pandemics, and infectious disease Sources: dph.georgia.gov/covid-19-daily-status-report coronavirus.jhu.edu/map.html healthyfuturega.org/our-priorities/building-a-healthier-georgia/population-health/
@BostonRobb 4 жыл бұрын
Please always do your show from home. This is sooo rad, I enjoy fam on phone with dad does tv show in 2020
@LeahRobb 4 жыл бұрын
I rather love Stephen's family being involved - especially the husband/wife thing. Kinda cute :=)
@MeredithAnne88 4 жыл бұрын
I'll help Trump pack and move out of the White House. 🙋
@Asher_Tye 4 жыл бұрын
Pack nothing. Toss his stuff out on the lawn.
@christopherabbott3484 4 жыл бұрын
Yard sell his crap and make something back for the national debt. It would be the best contribution he has made to anything his entire life.
@Tommyoda 4 жыл бұрын
If it took my last breath I would also help him pack! 😤
@MiTmite9 4 жыл бұрын
@@Asher_Tye Holy shit. That made me laugh laugh laugh. I'll help toss. Text date and time.
@biggtrux 4 жыл бұрын
Did the president of the United States ACTUALLY say, "Sometimes i feel better than I think"?! S.O.B.
@webmonkeymon 4 жыл бұрын
Peter Dragon sometimes i feel reality is better than it is!!
@oltedders 4 жыл бұрын
High on Adderall again.
@oltedders 4 жыл бұрын
High on Adderall again.
@jodavey4776 4 жыл бұрын
😨
@telectronix1368 4 жыл бұрын
"I kept more promises.....than I even made."
@Traces13 4 жыл бұрын
I love the Stephen Colbert bounce (quite soulfully, I might add) -doin' dat chair jam!!!
@jw1049 4 жыл бұрын
I lost it with the Princess Bride clip! 😂😂😂
@emmaunderwood692 4 жыл бұрын
“We all want you out of the White House.” brilliant, lmao.
@mikemckibbon9950 4 жыл бұрын
@Farmer Bob that song is the best song I heard in a long time Heard it yesterday and sent it to everyone I know
@theshrivelstein7118 4 жыл бұрын
Voting for him again in Nov..you have 4 more years to whine lmfao
@cocorkiller2322 4 жыл бұрын
trump 2020! just bc we like to see you all lose your minds like children. and hes actually kicking ass compared to the last one.. who murdered tons of people haha. but of ya.. trump hitler
@lizardog 4 жыл бұрын
@@cocorkiller2322 thanks for admitting that Trumpers don't give a crap about America. You just want to "own a lib." You are a big reason the country is in the toilet right now. You voted out of spite for a con man who can't drop his self-interest long enough to do the job. 50K+ is the body count for Trump's fragile ego and it will go higher because he can't think far enough ahead to see that dropping social limits is a guarantee of another outbreak. Enjoy your venal, mendacious, adulterous snake oil salesman. You sound just like him.
@SheilaR.08 4 жыл бұрын
@@theshrivelstein7118 Stupidity kills. Our education system is failing.
@matthewcarter919 4 жыл бұрын
Even fox news has stories on how the ventilator shortage killed tons of people O.O
@sadiestoltzfus9798 4 жыл бұрын
What, is a president responsible for manufacturing now?
@fireyflower6643 4 жыл бұрын
@@sadiestoltzfus9798 yes, because he didnt enact the act to get various industries/companies to make the ventilators and PPE
@Stormpants 4 жыл бұрын
@@sadiestoltzfus9798 pretending that a president doesn't have the ability to direct private companies to produce emergency supplies, the president should be held accountable for an obvious lie. Unless the standards of the country as a whole have dropped below even other country's expectations, of course...
@donnydrumpf457 4 жыл бұрын
Sadie Stoltzfus no, just telling the truth would be great. We can handle the rest, we know he is incompetent. There was things he could/should have done sooner, such as enacting the defense production act. Instead he sends millions of dollars to some guy on Twitter to make ventilators, who surprise, has never made a single ventilator and charged over triple the going rate! Does that sound Presidential to you?
@BMikeAD 4 жыл бұрын
@@donnydrumpf457 well where else is he supposed to find the "best" people
@sirkllr 4 жыл бұрын
That Bagel is a tough cookie that made me laugh out loud while I was driving so funny
@eralonuva 4 жыл бұрын
Balance my humors! Historically accurate and hilarious.
@SuperBC1975 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen wondering why his son was on his phone at the start of the show Stephen: "Your friend Danny just shaved his head on Instagram live." That is better than my show." Love Stephen with his family. So cute his wife was also on her phone. Buying a birthday gift, perhaps?
@HardlinerTheGeek 4 жыл бұрын
See.. now I want to see his son's friend's shaved head.
@SuperBC1975 4 жыл бұрын
@@HardlinerTheGeek Same here. I think Stephen needs to show it during his next show.
@victoriam9337 4 жыл бұрын
You’re a breath of fresh air, Stephen - from Quebec
@RabbiPorkchop 4 жыл бұрын
I wish I had Quebec's air...
@dieulitadatus9669 4 жыл бұрын
Allo d’alberta
@LadyAneh 4 жыл бұрын
Lovely place! 😃
@googleuser2874 4 жыл бұрын
May I move there?
@matthewcreigh6624 4 жыл бұрын
Great fishing in Quebec
@deedeewitman1547 4 жыл бұрын
You are without a doubt the best. I look forward to seeing your clips! Keep it up.
@reginatate6467 4 жыл бұрын
Thank goodness for shows like yours, the humor is much needed and appreciated , otherwise I think I’d actually go crazy dealing with this country and what passes for leadership!
@dspondike 4 жыл бұрын
I wish I could be alive 100 years from now so I could read what the historians say about donald, . . . and us.
@olabergvall3154 4 жыл бұрын
I wouldn't want to...
@ijustwantedausername 4 жыл бұрын
Yuki BabaYaga I’m an American and sadly, I agreed with you.
@monicas2674 4 жыл бұрын
Donald Trump won the election because of the electoral college. He didn't win the popular vote. I hope the people who are in the 2020 electoral college realize how significant their votes are more than ever. In the future, I hope we get rid of the electoral college. Electoral College voters represent their states. If Electoral College voters want to vote for their candidates against their state's popular vote, let them recuse themselves and vote individually if they do not want to represent their states. The American people don't need the Electoral College. We have access to the Internet today that no American has the excuse of not being informed about the agendas of various politicians. The Electoral College should remember this: "Of the people, by the people, for the people". Your vote is for the people, not for you.
@I.am.Sarah. 4 жыл бұрын
I'll give you a heads up, it won't be flattering.
@blueeyeswhitedragon9839 4 жыл бұрын
@Yuki BabaYaga :- l believe you just might be correct. The United States of America will split up into several areas, let's hope without gunfire. But l suspect the gun culture in the U.S. will guarantee a violent civil war.
@LadyAneh 4 жыл бұрын
“Heading South” is not a positive thing, but of course, Mr. Inject Disinfectant wouldn’t know that.
@simongiles9749 4 жыл бұрын
He probably associates it with going to Mar A Lago to play golf.
@trapezoidbeauty 4 жыл бұрын
"It's the bacon of the face" 🤣🤣🤣
@helenajamesmiller1259 4 жыл бұрын
I am glad I've heard my brother's and my mother's voices too,but I want to come back to all of you my dear loving adorable family.
@squirrelgray945 4 жыл бұрын
When Trump says he can't imagine something it's the only thing I believe.
@bubbles3161 4 жыл бұрын
Focus all your anger on the Trump puppet while Stephen cheers you on. This reminds me of the hunger games meets NPC University.
@Cryptonymicus 4 жыл бұрын
Who knew health care could be so complicated?
@philguy8563 4 жыл бұрын
Whem Trump says "People say..", I know no one ever said it.
@reneelyndamartinez1362 4 жыл бұрын
Thank goodness for you, Stephen. You're keeping us laughing and keeping us SANE. 😄
@James-hw1gk 4 жыл бұрын
“How about a tincture of Mercury” 😂
@robin2012ism 4 жыл бұрын
3:50 Steve does Wally Shawn! good one...lots of zingers tonight!
@DracoMalfoyable 4 жыл бұрын
Ah, yes, “back to where we were before”.... Just minus several thousand Americans, several million jobs, and a functioning economy.
@curtisholsinger6023 4 жыл бұрын
Several tens of thousands of Americans :(
@maskedmarvyl4774 4 жыл бұрын
They think their followers won't care or notice.
@jorceshaman 4 жыл бұрын
@@maskedmarvyl4774 They KNOW that their followers won't care. They're still going to church and protesting in large groups.
@oteatimeo 4 жыл бұрын
@@jorceshaman Ironic, he's killing his supporters and he doesn't seem to care
@edinfific2576 4 жыл бұрын
It will be more like over 100 thousand...
@philipclayberg4928 4 жыл бұрын
"It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." -Mark Twain
@Cryptonymicus 4 жыл бұрын
The problem with the internet is that we've seen all the most relevant quotes a couple of hundred times. I just looked at Brainy Quote and couldn't find hardly a thing that hasn't been overused. Oh well.
@petercarey7133 4 жыл бұрын
thanks , very nicely put
@user-dj9kk3pn6g 4 жыл бұрын
This family moment where they banter about looking at phones is so much better than the real live shows, the mood is so cute
@reginabutta4443 4 жыл бұрын
Best ever monologue ever!
@ThompterSHunson 4 жыл бұрын
I want to know where this 06:49 restaurant guy "came up" to him during this lockdown and how he succeeded to pass through the lines of the Secret Service. 😂
@fairystail1 4 жыл бұрын
was the owner of McD's
@Hello-zf5lq 4 жыл бұрын
Trump makes up conversations he supposedly had with people to give credibility and make whatever he is implying seem more realistic.
@antonomaseapophasis5142 4 жыл бұрын
"I had one restaurant owner come up to me and said, "Sir" In this formulaic Trump lie the person is usually a big strong type with tears in his eyes.
@cynthicarlson5330 4 жыл бұрын
Antonomase Apophasis A. No one just COMES UP to a US president and says “Sir, blah blah blah” Cause.... secret service. Therefore the statement following afore mentioned IS A LIE. And B. See A.
@a24396 4 жыл бұрын
Yeah... I really wonder how that happened when everyone is sheltering in place... How exactly would someone just "walk up to him" and ask him anything?
@sethbritton6970 4 жыл бұрын
@@a24396 He's old, and his fried brain in hallucinating people who love him as a defense coping mechanism? Because he has done nothing useful for America- just left her to rot so that the businessmen can feast on her corpse.
@jeffreyjewell75 4 жыл бұрын
Bahahaha the midnight train joke was funny !!!!!
@BabyDoll-pw7wv 4 жыл бұрын
I LOVE these at home segments❤
@taemanai5887 4 жыл бұрын
When did a restaurant owner come up to the President during quarantine?
@bobheck7303 4 жыл бұрын
He drew a picture of him with his SHARPIE.
@justisiempre4105 4 жыл бұрын
@@bobheck7303 LOLLLLLLLLLLL😂😂
@TheAureliac 4 жыл бұрын
My question exactly.
@sharongamble9854 4 жыл бұрын
Nobody can just walk up to a President. The secret service doesn't allow anyone to approach the President or a Vice President. Did you see the press briefing when the owners of businesses met with the administration in the oval office? Obviously not because you would have seen the CEO of Toyota and the owner of Waffle House--a restaurant, and the CEO of Mariott , and the CEO of an airlines meeting to discuss how they can safely open for business and return their employees to work. Of course Stephen Colbert has not lost his job through all this. He continued to earn his millions while the rest of the country had to be laid off. I don't want to hear Colbert criticizing those of us who want to return to work and for the owners of companies discussing how they can safely return their employees. It's easy for Colbert to belittle the President while Colbert sits in his royal castle.
@jmarcuc 4 жыл бұрын
@@sharongamble9854 And I don’t want to hear your sob story when you seem to be unconcerned of reigniting a second wave of this virus and killing others.90% of all Americans are concerned we are doing this too soon and for Trump’s re-election and not for the country.
@wonderful_hongkong 4 жыл бұрын
Hi Stephen, the family dialogue is a nice personal add-on to your monologue section. Actually, it would be good to do an episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (and Family !)
@lakelady8544 4 жыл бұрын
Stephen, this is one of your best monologues!!! 👏👏👏👏👏
@stephaniebonner6977 4 жыл бұрын
Love Stephen Colbert!!!!
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