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the worst part is when you want to end the friendship but you're afraid of hurting them even when they've hurt you so much

Thanks for chatting on friendships. Many people focus on romantic relationships but understanding friendships and how to be a better friend is missing in this generation. I wish you could go into more depth

If you start to feel like you have to “keep up” a friendship instead of being excited to spend time with them, it’s good to stop and think

5. When you friend makes you feel rejected or discarded.

Another sign: Your friend doesn't have time for you anymore. You have to start making plans three or more weeks in advance and they still cancel a few days before because others are more important.

Another sign is when you don’t feel excited or inspired by them. They criticise you or bring you down yet talk non stop about themselves. Say away from these vampires.

I’m so glad you didn’t use the word ‘toxic’. It’s so unhelpful these days labelling people and relationships as toxic when everything is much more complicated than that and has many layers and reasons for a bad relationship - partly you and partly the other person, maybe neither of your faults or perhaps both.

I've had many "close friends" and none of them last longer than a year or two. The longest one was five years, and the shortest was around a few months. I've learnt to enjoy my own company now, but I still do need friends, though I am much more closed off now and I don't let myself become vulnerable to friends.

I feel this so hard. I had a friend I was close with but after a while I felt like I could no longer be myself with her and any action of mine would be judged. We still kept in touch now and then, but even phone conversations with her made me feel quite low and bad about myself.

Lost so many friendships cuz of the mismatching energies. I pray that I find people that match my energy and I wish that the same goes for everybody else ❤️

The fact that you want to end the friendship but don't want to at the same time

I’m literally about to cry, I have been best friends with my best friend for 10+ years we have gotten through so much together we are like sisters. I just realized a couple of those sound like us, I don’t want to loose her

It took me so long to stop hanging out with my best friend because I had known her for so long, and didn't think I could find new friends. I realized that I needed to leave when I realized that I was more lonely around her than when I was just alone. I have a new friend group now though, and I feel so much better because they actually make me happy :)

Thank you this is helping me to end my toxic relationship with my "bestfriend"

I had a friend, she has always struggled with stuff, and I always tried my best to help her. The reason I left is because it was weighing down on me, and I never felt like I could share my own issues with them. Like yes, you can be depressed, but that doesn’t mean you are the only one who deals with hard things. It should equal out in the end.

I honestly needed this, I’ve been stuck in a toxic friendship where they bully me and no longer care for me. I’ve even created a whole separate personality for when I’m around them, it’s honestly painful especially since one of them did something unspeakable to me causing me mass amounts of trauma that I still can’t fully comprehend. It’s also exhausting to only be yourself when your alone in your room.

I'm literally feeling this during this period. I'm really struggling with trying to fix a friendship i really care about but there are so many misunderstandings and i don't feel accepted, understood and loved anymore. All apologies. I'm really sad and exhausted. But how can you end an important friendship in which other important friends are involved? This video was a sort of a sign to me, thank you so much. I really appreciate this.❤️

I sometimes yearn for a healthy friendship. It’s been nearly two decades since I have experienced a close friendship. Watching this video reminds me of the pain and betrayal that occurs when a relationship ends and I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

Their toxicity slowly makes u stop caring which feels freeing

When she says other friendships thinking I have more 😂😂

This hit so hard. By the time I reached my adulthood, I realized that my friends are becoming less visible. I know they have their own lives and I just don't bother some of them anymore. I don't wanna pretend that everything was the same as before. Everything changes for a reason. Acceptance is hard but it is the only way.

Thanks for this video. I feel a lot better now. I just lost a bestfriend today. And the main factor could be because i've changed. I've healed from my people pleasing phase and is no longer an extrovert.

Thank you for this. I think it’s healthy to understand that not all friendships are forever and that it’s part of growing and developing to have some of them end. And endings are not always forever either. Sometimes your energies are mismatched and a few years later sync up again. I’ve had that happen too.

There is so much needless shame surrounding this subject. I love how this short vid breaks it down in a way that doesn't make either person in the friendship bad or good.

it's sad but even friends outgrow each other.

That's literally what's happening to my 12 yr old friendship and I am slowly cutting my ties off.

All of this relates to a “friendship” that I’m going through right now, but the problem is that probably everyone is also dealing with is that you feel scared to tell that “friend” that you don’t feel that the friendship is working out. Please help.

Absolutely right. I've been there and years ago I ended a friendship that had been lasting for 25 years. For a while I've been struggling with the thought that I might have done the wrong thing BUT I understood I was right when facts showed me that person looked for me only as a last resort. I must say now I have no problems in cutting off all relationships that are parasitic...

I have been thinking non stop about this for a month now and the last one just absolutely scared me cause the last one has been happening a lot. Like my bff won't even go out with me anymore and last week when we first saw each other in a month she wasnt the girl she used to be she was focusing more on posting on her KZfaq channel than doing the things we always do and love to do. It was so weird it broke my heart. At this point realizing all this may be coming to an end I don't think she will even keep the promises she promised me. Thank you so much for informing us. I'm going to go on the bathroom and cry for 3 houers till my father comes home and says "do you want me to bring you some blankets pillows and food?"

Thank you i told them and they told me i was the fake friend but now i just feel safer and better

The worst part is when you talk to someone they say “just leave them” but you can’t because you feel like they’ll bully you and hurt you even worse

But what is more challenging is that how to let them go because they are so attached to me that If I break up with them then they will definitely gonna hurt , I Don't know what to do 🙂

This is sooooo true and that person, though you love them, they are toxic and it took awhile to see it, or you outgrew them. They often needed you more than you needed them. Friendship ebbs and flows. Some leave for a season and return at a new level after that person has gone through some things. I often tell my kids that it takes a tremendous amount of time and energy to maintain a friendship. It’s better to have even just one terrific friend than a hundred others that you just don’t have enough hours in the day for

I was finally able to buy your book in English. I couldn't find it because i live in Iran. Before i was able to find the book in English it was translated to persian ( Farsi), and it went suuuuuper viral and a lot of people read it and everybody recommended it. I read so many comments of people saying how much it has helped them. I'm super excited to read it and was so surprised when i realized it was your book everybody was talking about. Love your videos and just wanted to let you know the MASSIVE support and appreciation your book has gotten in Iran.

Thank you, I realise that one of my friendships are coming to an end, thank you!

Thank you so much for this video. It helped a lot. Storytime/drama? I have (or had) a friend who ive been friends with since kindergarten. I dont know what it is. I feel like im a fake friend or person. A girl in my school, who I became friends with this year. We laugh together, and for some reason.. I find her funnier than my other (or old) friend. Ive changed a lot, and I admit it. Ive done some bad shit in my life. But I have never messed up this bad. Now, I kinda find my old friend boring.. And I sometimes even ignore her without knowing it. We promised we'd be friends forever, but sometimes.. nothing turns out how its "supposed to." Now when im with her, (my old friend,) fake smiles, laughs, chuckles, happiness. All of that real stuff.. My new friend has drained out of me. I dont get it. I messed up so bad.. (Not a vent, just explaining my situation, because I know some people are going through the same thing I am.)

This video has made me feel grateful that me and my friends can except each other’s little differences and be very open

This is literally me and my "friend".

This helped a lot. Last year I was alone in a friend group like always being left out. This year someone that I thought was my best friend ghosted me for popularity. I related to all four signs.

I totally agree. Thought I was weird 😊

How do you separate from friends when this happens

I’m so excited for this one friendship to end, it’s so dreadful with her

My best friend has been judging my insecurities previously too,but i didn't feel bad earlier ,but now the limits have been crossed and yk I don't want to share anything with them idk what's happening

Man this is how I feel with my father, things could be different if he just supported me.

I'm in a trio . When I watched the video trio doesn't work I defended our friendship that it will work . But I didn't know iam the one who's gonna be left out . My first friend in college left me after getting new one and now the trio they became the duo . Iam not existing in this room for them . They only talk with each other, share things with each other . When I go and ask them what's going on they will be not in the mood to tell me. And today I heard them badmouthing about me . Staying away from family and keeping up with these so called friends is hard .

I think to myself that I shouldn't be myself because if I am, I will be judged but the moment I start talking to my best friend I just can't help but be myself. I feel so free around her like I can be anything :)

This is really sad. I had a group of friends last year. And a lot more people have joined this year. I instantly clicked with this other girl. Then I started realizing she doesn’t make me feel bad about myself,she cheers me up and I always want to be around her.

I’m in middle school… Most of my “friends” are adults

Well thanks! I wish I saw this 7 months ago when my “friend” of 10 years decided to say out of the blue that I’m too “mentally unstable” and was “the reason he moved so far for college and the reason for his anxiety and depression”

I been feeling this for 2 days and I try to stay in my group but it's making me break every day and I feel happy when I'm not around them anymore like the old times

This is how I am with the friendship with my cousins

When I tried to talk about my friendship experiences to another friend my friend just assumed I was talking about her behind her back but it’s ok to share how you feel about that friendship to other people right?

I used to have these friends and after a while I didn't feel as connected with them and didn't have many things I could talk about with them as well as I would go up to other friends saying how they left me again they were making fun of me for being sleepy and always talk about the same things. So eventually even though I had been friends with them for years I told them I didn't want to be friends with them to which they told alot of people and people came up to me asking why I wasn't friends with them and telling me I should be friends them again/ the reasons I gave weren't good enough even my mum was saying I should be friends with them again I guess I wasn't clear that I was unhappy in the friendship but I am still not friends with them and when people still ask me I just say its none of their business and go back to talking with my friends. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I wrote a letter to my extremely toxic best friend last night saying why we shouldn't be best friends anymore and telling her all the reasons why. It took up an entire page (without changing the font or size, so the writing was tiny) and I'm glad I found this video to validate that what I'm doing is for the best. I used to worry about all the drama it would cause, but at this point I need to start thinking about my own mental health cos her behaviour has started to impact me negatively. I'm giving it to her after school so she has enough time to process how she feels about it, but the morning after we have a double period sat next to each other so wish me luck❤

Only the last one hits me and that too only partly. I haven’t seen my closest friends for some days or weeks now but I don’t feel like I’m missing something or I need to see them. Maybe I copy how my parents see friends, once every blue moon, but honestly I just want to figure things out myself. I have been going to gym, eating healthier and trying to fix sleep schedule so atm I just think my friends are not on the same page as me. I really am coping aren’t I? Lmao I don’t know anymore.

i didnt realize how toxic my "bestfriend" was, thank you for making me understand!

i had my first friend in highschool and he was sitting right next to me then he found a part of mine that when soneone touches i jump and he started doing that and when i say stop he does more so i didnt feel safe next to him after all of that i went to our teacher and said i dont want to sit next to him and i didnt tell the teacher so many things so our techer didnt change my place after that he started to calm down but i dont feel safe anymore near him so i changed my place after 1 month and i am REALLY happy after aall of that i relized toxic friendships doesnt have an end and thry damage you day to day (sry for my english if you find a mistake please tell me im trying to improve my english)

So I have this friend who i wrote a letter to, I told her to send a reply like 5 times in 5 days. I quit. I can't be friends with her anymore if she stays up at night, gets bad grades, my parents don't like her either but they don't show it.. I want to gradually end our friendship, this is why I reply late to her, and have small talks, and you telling that "not healthy and fulfilling" has convinced me enough. I've seen many more people to be friends with me, they're like me, peaceful,calm, sleeping at night, good health! I'd like to hear more about friendships and psychology! (I just subscribed lol)

I had a friendgroup for 15 years. Since I was 12. Due to being abused at home I never experienced healthy relationships and unconditional love. I always felt like I wasn't enough and too much at the same time. So I chose friends who couldn't give me unconditional friendship. When I got older and realized I had PTSD, I was able to become myself step by step. I used to be the anxious, shy girl in the group and my friends didn't like that I was becoming able to set bounderies, say no, say want I wanted and needed. One friend said was sad and wanted the old me back. Eventhough the old me was not really me. It was me + many layers of trauma. I'm really glad I chose myself. But I wish I realized everything sooner, so I could've had chosen to be friends with kind and compassionate people who accept me for me.

HOW CAN SOMEONE TALK SO SCIENTIFICALLY AND CALMLY AND MAKE ME ALMOST CRY

This hurts a lot. Mostly because of how accurately it hits. And the lack of other friendships to take their place...

I don't worry about this. I have zero friendships because people are not safe and I am a cancer that will be bad for them too.

Ive been having problems with friendship recently and it doesnt help im in high school and watching these vids are helping so i just wanna say thank you

Sometimes when I don’t want to hang out my friend gets mad at me for not wanting to hang out.

Today, I let go of a friend, making this day one of the saddest moments in my life. I was really crying after letting him go!😞😭💔

That's actually the exact thing I needed to hear. Since some time, two friends of mine begun feeling fery distant. And I noticed, that in my friendship with my best friend I feel much safer. Today, I've been crying all day, because the two "friends" have totally disrespected me, and wouldn't listen. It's just the thing, that we have so much wonderful memories together, but now we're to different. I don't really know how the explain that to them. Hope y'all are happy in your friendships, it's such a important thing ❤️❤️

Damn, all four signs. I don't want to hurt him, but I want the friendship to end. I don't want to hurt him in the way he hurt me. I dread going to school, knowing he'll be there. He's way too possessive over me. He treats me like I'm his daughter, and he's over-controlling over me. He lacks independence, and always seems to need something from me. I feel like I can't be open and honest with him. I need to vent about him to my family because of that. He crosses my boundaries constantly, as if he feels it shouldn't apply to him. I thought he was a kind, considerate person when we first met. I still think he is, somewhat. Only a month until school ends. I'm free for a few months then.

Ok here’s my situation and I need tips on what to do: I have had this best friend for the past 5 years and I’ll call her Anne. Anne and me started off really well and were constantly hanging out, our parents loved one another, and she was really sweet. I became her best friend when she moved to my school and after we knew one another very well, I introduced her to all of my best friends. They loved her right away and they all started hanging out. She even got a boyfriend with one of my guy best friends. That’s then everything took a turn… I felt like she was turning everyone against me a ton. Bringing up topics that she knew I was insecure about or felt bad about and even turned my guy best friend against me when I make jokes that we used to love but she didn’t like me bringing up the past that I knew him. Yet, whenever I made a mistake and tried my best to apologize, she would say it’s fine but then bring it up months later when she had the upper hand. Being around her is emotionally draining and recently, I have been the only one reaching out. I have been asking to do carpools, hang out, and just talk, and I either get left on read or not even a reply at all. I don’t know how I would be able to live without this person and our parents love one another, but she has been leaving me out so much recently. Anne has even been bringing up my height insecurity all the time. I am 5’9 at 14 and 125 pounds and my waist is the only curve I got on me while she is a mere 4’10, 110 pounds, and has amazing curves. Whenever I am in a swimsuit, she’ll make a comment about how we should play chicken and I should be the base since I’m the tallest or even biggest and it really hurts. Whenever I try to explain how I feel I am either overreacting or she thinks I am saying she did something bad (she kinda did but I would never say that) about her. I hardly get a reply anymore and I even had a situation where I invited my entire friend group over, and most of them went to her house, behind my back, without telling me until the after fact. It really hurt me and I had even invited her and she said she was out of town. I don’t know how to live without this person or explain the situation of us not really hanging out anymore if my parents ask why but I need tips. Thank you so much for reading this and I am going to high school in august and she is my only friend going to my high school (our middle school splits into 3 high schools). I don’t wanna be alone and have no friends in a whole new school, but I feel emotionally drained from putting up with her. I need tips and thank you.

This really help me with my friendship with my friends because I don’t think we can be friends anymore. I just don’t feel safe around here and I just don’t feel like I can tell my expressions if I get in trouble because of her and I can’t like I don’t think we can be friends anymore.

Can you do something about how to make friends? Like my friends all hate me for who I am and it’s bad but idk what to do bc I am awful at making friends and have no one else

I used to think when my bestie was mean nothing about it but I’m older and responsible and I’ve realised that I don’t deserve them

Thank you so much for the insight! I'll share this to my younger siblings cuz lately, they've been asking me on something like this.

Ive experienced this in romantic relationships of mine as well. I love following you an watching your videos!

My best friend started hanging out with other people and started to not hang out with me and I was best friends with her for 3 years now and maybe the friendship is coming to an end 💔💔💔

I have alot of these in my live. Honestly, if I’m truthful with myself I only have one friend that I want to keep and I’m still not sure about her.

Thank you for bringing this topic up, I have seen vids bout this but I just don't really relate with them. I, myself am a very straightforward and outspoken kind of a person, I have been in a healthy relationship with my friends for years but there is this friend of mine which always make me insecure of myself these days, ( I'm not a person to let things get into my heart). She's like happy for a min then goes into a whole depressed state in another and if I try to confront her about it, she goes like "I'm not upset with you or what you said" or goes like "let it be, you wont understand, you have friends, not like me with none " and at times I don't even know how to respond that...

This video came right when i was deciding to drop my toxic friends. Thanks!

it just hurt, having anxiaty attachement and just that one friend who makes you feel good, like a drug you get addicted to, cutting it off is like hell

This happened to me today.. I lost my friend group in a day my birthdays coming up and I don’t know what to do I lost 3 of them and they are probably gonna convince the other 3 to leave me aswell.. I don’t know what to do and I’ve tried to forget but I’ve done nothing so far but cry

This year I've already lost three friends and I'm probably about to lose another one but thank you for helping me with that

This made me realise that I have very healthy relationships with my friends

After seeing this video, I just realized that my friendship is really toxic.

ive never had any of these things with my current friends-

Don't feel safe around them anymore 😞, that part!

Realized my 4 years of friendship was fake and sh!tty, She talked to me to my own friends, my own bsf, victimized herself,ruined my life,my school life,made me hate everything, made everyone hate me, I’m done.

Thank you, this really helped me ❣️❣️❣️

This is what I needed because just a few days ago my past friend group started a fight against me, but now I'm happy that it ended and I'm finally more free

It sucks when the friend you thought you were close with turns into your enemy who weaponizes your vulnerabilities to mock you to other people

That’s how I feel about all of my friends 😞😔

I've had ups and downs with my closest friends and I'm happy I've stuck with them through the challenging moments as well. I think it's amazing to have friends who have grown to be a bit different from you. It's an opportunity to learn and develop. Surrounding yourself with people who align with you 100 % can be really fulfilling, but it also locks you up in a bit of a bubble where you never have to face the fact that it's ok to have your differences.

This is exactly what’s happening to me and my best friend right now and I’m really sad.

Don't be afraid to leave some friendships And most importantly Don't be afraid to make new friends

Yes. For me, breaking up with some of my girl friends is painful and full of cringe more than I had with my exes. I wish them from a far a blessed, more self-nurturing lives. I remember them from time to time but man, I need to be more stable and I mean more than just the amount of money we spent on buffets or karaoke Nights of which, looking back now were full of negativity and drama and pursuit of belongingness. I wanted to have a stable mental health and sense of purpose. And just in time, came Dr. Julie. Many thanks, Doc. You're a great help. 👍💕

This feels like my past relationship when it was nearing the end. Thanks for sharing this ❤️

The last one really got me 😢😢😢😢

Oh no… these all are things that I have to deal with when around one specific friend, but we’ve been friends for 8 years and I don’t want it to end but being around them makes me so uncomfortable and is so draining to me, what do I do?

So happy I stumbled upon this because Omg, all four of these reasons apply to my current friendship. The crazy part is we've already tried to talk about it, and literally no noticeable positive changes have happened. Friendships end and that's okay. 💙

It’s been like this for ever since I knew them

Didnt need a video to understand this but so many people actually do. This is the greatest video for a middleschooler of any age