I've always thought I'd write a book about my life bc it's so horrible no one would believe it. Now I know most people would believe it, and that's even worse. I'm now journaling thanks to Dr Sage 💚

I am right there with you. For years I tried to justify my behaviors when they were young that has scarred them for life, I'm 60 yo. About 15 years ago I stopped trying to justify I recognized that they lived in trauma and they deserve that recognition from me, it's about the only thing I have to give them as we no longer have a relationship. Plus, it held me accountable for my role in that trauma, which has allowed me to begin to heal from it

I don’t think any of this is stupid. Not being able to dance is absolutely a sign that you don’t feel safe being silly. Children deserve to be silly and clearly your inner child couldn’t but you raised a child who could. That sounds like a lot to be proud of yourself for. Also the fact that your watching these videos and sharing!!! You’re doing the work ❤

It is through self compassion that we can extend compassion for others. If we have the limiting belief, that we "should" never make mistakes, we "should" show up for every possible emotionally connecting moment...we are placing an unattainable requirement for ourselves. It is a recipe for being a rigid judge. When we rigidly judge ourselves (and then others) we don't allow for the messy of life and the potential learning and repair. Being human means leaning into the humility of not always knowing and not doing everything perfect. If we learn and let us propel us forward and improve our relationships, then great. If we get stuck and held back because of our regret and shame, we end up unwittingly harming ourselves and others, through that lens. Of course, we do need to take responsibility...but in that, we don't dwell in self castigation, but be a curious observer looking for pieces of information to go forward. Radical acceptance can be challenging. It is so worth it though. It provides a freedom and lightness to our lives. I wish for you compassion 💛

@@elysegambino1597 u have brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. What a beautiful thing to say. Thank you

@@Alphacentauri819 thank u so much for taking the time to share this. It gives me much to think about.

You should look more into the Narcissistic abuse tools like "gray rocking". BPD can also share traits with NPD when it comes to how we may react to our loved ones.

@@missfoxglove8989 I have no contact with my mom for 14 years..in fact she just passed. But my son now is angry with me...need to know how to talk with him to not make myself look bad considering all the bad she talked about me.

@@mverderaime if you approach from a defended angle of just trying not to make yourself look bad...it won't go well. While I understand why you would want to do that, it generally never works. I have a sister with suspected BPD and she has told lies upon lies and it does hurt. Unfortunately if you try really hard to convince someone else to not believe as they do...it'll just make you look desperate and disempowered. Human nature is to be repelled by that. If you have a mindset of really, authentically seeking to connect to your son, get to know him, first and foremost...that is a better tactic. If the goal is to clear your name...it might feel like you care more about you, than him...from his perspective. All that would do, is reinforce what he has heard. Maybe you could acknowledge the differences of views, but not make it the main point. Like, "I know that you've heard many things about me. I am hurt by some of those things, but I really want a chance to have a relationship with you". It is acknowledged but not dwelt on too much. Then, keep the focus on him, imagining how confused he might be. Also, if he brings up being hurt by you, you'll need to listen, validate and hold space for it...without getting defensive. Otherwise you'll cut off possible connection. He cares more about his hurt, than your story at this point. Just like I imagine if you tried to tell your mom about your hurt & instead of listening she cuts you off, blames you, excuses herself, it would feel like a defense and not hearing you (which BPD moms do, and it is so disconnecting). It sounds like she was likely this way. You'll have to respond differently to your son, if you want healing and connection. If you work on your own sense of self, know who you are, heal your core wounds...it won't be so urgent that he "gets it" immediately. In time, your actions, behavior, will say far more than a verbal defense about all the lies. I know it's hard. I wish you well 💫

@@Alphacentauri819 great advice! Thank you for your time!