The rage. The hate. The self loathing because of the rage and the hate. Just spent a week spoiling my mom and trying, with everything I have, to be beyond criticism and to compensate for feeling like a bad daughter because I have such negative feelings about her. It ended in tears and gaslighting and the usual Cold War that ensues when she feels slighted. Nobody has caused me so much pain, so much stress. I have a chronic blood cancer that I am sure has been caused by a lifetime of a jacked up nervous system. (She once told me I was like a cancer to her - of course she denies saying it). I am so sorry for all of us. It would be simpler in some ways to have a mother that beats you - at least then you know that she is objectively bad and that you are not rotten. TY for this video. We are all exhausted and worn down but we are not alone.

That was so helpful - thank you Kim. Why is masking so exhausting when it primarily uses the parasympathetic NS?

My name is Donna, I'm 59 yrs old .raised 2 children one has passed .been married to a great man for 45 years . He doesn't like being alone but I sometimes need to be so I retreated in my cottage . Tonight was my first night feeling so terrible for doing it . Not only am I dealing with trauma from sexual abuse from my father but now I feel I dont want to hurt my husband. But I have to escape sometimes. I'm seeing a therapist finally. Never have .I'm so happy I did . I didn't sleep well worth worry worry never can relax . I want him to watch this . I love him but I'm damaged goods . I feel I ruined his life .jesus BLESS you all

Your videos are so helpful, thank you for all you do! ❤

You said a lot without saying anything

I can't believe how spot on this video is. My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but i can literally relate to every single point

You literally were describing me and my whole life lol.

Thanks 👍💯

Can you do a detailed long video on reactive attachment disorder?

Thanks Dr Kim! Yes the puzzle pieces are finally fitting together for me!

I know I have issues. Especially since I’ve been a subscriber for over a year and I see videos that I know would help and I choose to skip over them. I can’t face myself.

Dr Sage, cheers from Paris! Your name means WISE in French by the way. You are as wise as you are talented, and attractive if I may. This was a VERY interesting video, but may I suggest inserting timestamps and timecards? And for example, one of the last things you say here is GOLDEN: "YOU CAN'T HEAL WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. AND IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT, YOU CAN'T HEAL IT." That, for instance, deserves to be written. Also for non-native english speakers, homemade subtitles would be great. In fact I could help you with that. Thank you!

My problem is i had a great childhood, probably too good, my mom was soooo incredibly nurturing and so was my dad, when he wasn't working, but the problem started when i thought i could get into a romantic relationship and it would be still nurturing and it turned out No, i had to do the nurturing for the man and keep the relationship as best as i could, so many times, now I'm stuck in this 30 years of emotional abuse from him, i expected his love and caring like my mom did but that never happened, its been a rollercoaster of tears, stress and a tiny bit of love here and there, there's always something that comes up for him that takes his attention elsewhere, so i have to learn how to live with this person, but Not Care what he does or where he goes, I'm older and it gets more difficult , harder to think it will ever be good again, he lost interest in me and its extremely difficult to accept, I'm so hurt and angry, I'm pretty ill and need him to care but he doesn't anymore, sometimes its all I can take to keep my mouth shut, there's so many emotional problems here and i know maybe listening to some videos may help, therapist can't help me because alot of it is financial for me and he knows that which gives him every more reason to continue on with his shenanigans, he works and goes out, i sit home and am so sad about life, i wish I could just Stop caring about him and the attachment is awful, like losing your best person you thought in life, I'm not perfect but i can't do this alone, having no support from anyone is devastating, I'm fit, eat right, and i stay as busy as i can being disabled, i worked 45 years and retired now so I get bored, its not very fun doing everything by yourself with no help when they're kinda supposed to help out around the house, idk, im just so sad 😢, hope if people read my rant and pray for me it will help a little 😢

Can you please make a video for a psychologist who sees children that are under the control of an abuser. And what the normal parents look like and how to tell who is the narcissist and who isn’t. The children will hold the key to the truth. kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bah9adhlmMvXias.htmlsi=7T1wwTSzO1F9xRmM This might help you it helped me, but the psychologist doesn’t understand and doesn’t believe me. I explain and it is just to crazy , and the children are so happy with the abuser. Thank you

Geneva diagnostic s get your Glutathione levels measured... Oxidative stress is physical and emotional! zQED

THANK YOU!!!! I am finally understanding myself and this post is the best explanation I have heard thus far!!!!

One thing that I have realized in my recovery is that she'd plead with me to be honest, but when my honest truth isn't comforting then it's suddenly wrong. But if I tip toe around the truth and put her feelings first, then she listens and then my issue never gets resolved.

Could you list these in your description?

I was diagnosed two years ago when I was 45. Everything, every moment, every stupidity made sense. I got answers to questions I never asked myself. I finally had explanations to so many things, but to unlearn old and learn new things is pretty tough in my age..

It's all moms who marry psychos. In my experience. After you get bitter from heartbreak but stay with that person, the symptoms worsen. Imagine not getting that after 10, 20 years. I don't have sympathy.

*VENT* Can you please talk about bpd moms with toddlers? I know one who has a two year old and she just flies into rage over NOTHING, her 2 year old's psyche is already damaged. (Yes she does fly into rage when I'm there to visit! And she says she doesn't notice she's screaming!!!) and she says the most horrific gaslighter sh1t known to man to her toddler !!! Worst, she's a strict church mom 😇 she didn't grow up that way, she also didn't grow up with church. I'm just venting tho. She's already in therapy, but got diagnosed with adhd. I hate visiting her, but I'm the friend who has the most time for her, and lives near. I've also known her for over 5 years, and she has never displayed negative emotions, there was no reason (I think it's because her husband doesn't have a job, but she says that's not it) (they met at church) Okay maybe I'll need some advice 😂 (I know this behaviour from my home, but I'd never guess a woman like her would display it!!)

I actually know a bpd mom who didn't grew up that way 🤔

I've been going through it for a good while now, but I'm trying so hard to turn that around. 8873

So like, my childhood was perfect or "ideal" I guess. But I still have almost every negative behavior/ thoughts in this video. Will these tips still help me?

Wow! This explains so much.

❤ Thankyou Kim!

This was something I so desperately needed to hear, and makes me so motivated so start my healing process🩷

I had a months long episode of what might be considered Cotard's Syndrome in which I thought I had died and was merely dreaming my continued existence. Could that be considered a kind of dissassociation?

Thank you. You explained a lot of what I’ve been experiencing.

Hi! I'm trying to figure out if I am on the Autism spectrum. Me and my husband have 11 year old twins who are on the spectrum, and they are becoming more like teenagers every day! For their sake, I have to figure this out. ...I wasn't raised with parents who I had to walk on eggshells around. But, I was sexually abused at 3 years old. I do have the formal diagnosis of PTSD. I am seeing a counselor who specializes with people who have been raped, or are in domestic abuse situations. Now, I identify as an empath. I have read the criteria for being an HSP, and I do have that temperament. A good friend thinks that because I forgave my abuser and prayed for his eternal salvation, and the whole thing has led me to feel other people's physical and emotional pain more acutely, my abuse is like an invisible stigmata. I don't know. Maybe. ...My counselor is teaching me how to put up the proper boundaries with people. Not only does putting up boundaries help you to BECOME who you will become, I have discovered that doing so can benefit other people, too! Sometimes, people are trapped in their way of thinking. If this person has known you long enough, and can see how you have become a stronger, better person, putting up boundaries can potentially help them to see the world differently. Discover a different way of being. ...I think that at one time in my life, I was hungry for other people's approval. You can't have gone through something like sexual abuse and not have it take its toll on your self-esteem. But, the day came when I realized that I was not responsible for what other people chose to do. When I realized this, my chains were suddenly broken! And, interestingly, it was about this time in my life that people started to open up to me. Looking back, it is possible that my energy shifted, and people were drawn to it. I am a CNA, and my supervisor has said that I have a naturally magnetic personality. It was almost like (with some exceptions, of course), people started to approve of me once I quit putting pressure on myself to achieve their approval! ;P Lol! If you can't laugh at yourself, and your OWN folly, there really isn't anyone you can laugh at! ...Am I on the autism spectrum? Maybe. But, life is what you make of it, and we (all of us) have what is known as free will. We can choose to be bound by a traumatic past, or we can choose to see how good things have come out of bad situations... Thank you for making this video! It was very informative! Take care. Susan

How can I help my brothers out? We grew up with a mother with narcissistic traits, a neglectful father. Brothers are diagnosed with adhd. Then rage a lot, have alcohol problems and bad spending habits. They are 26 years old. Both are one step closer to being homeless. We were born into the lower class so I don’t have the means to financially help them and a lot of behavior just doesn’t make sense. Idk what to do because I love them greatly.

I have both. I grew up with a mother with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and she was mostly quiet and distant, but could then be agitated, manic or aggressive when she was psychotic or having a manic episode. At the same time, my dad, and later also my teachers, scolded me whenever I did my stims or other autistic phenomena, he was always monitoring if I was 'not normal', probably due to my mother's problems. During childhood I was a loner, but by the time I was in my 20s I had become a master chameleon at fawning and masking.

I believe I had a quiet BLP girlfriend. She was absolutely wonderful for 4 months. She was 66 years old and you would think she would have got life managed better. As a widower, I needed and had lots of time to be with her. It became apparent, there was no way I could convince her that she was a wonderful person, which I perceived her to be. She was pretty, dressed well, clean, a hard worker, but she always belittled herself. With heart break, she moved on to another, as I learned that was her nature. I over heard a conversation with her son on how happy she was with me. But then I heard her son say, "Remember Mom, you are a runner". I couldn't figure out what that meant at the time, but in a few months, I learned

It's like i don't really exist or matter because primary caregivers didn't see me at all. I noticed the re traumatisation one can do to oneself as an adult because i can't "see" what's harmful versus what's healthy. Thanks for validating these ideas.

Thank you so much, really! This is just what I needed to hear right now.

WOW 😮 exactly

Being able to live alone and not be lonely is truly a gift. The only person I love being around is my daughter. She’s off in college now but I treasure every minute I get to spend with her.

The presence of trait dissociation in BPD and the way it can be triggered by a child’s bid for comfort is actually profound: I can actually identify an incident (where I became aware of the impact of my emotions on the parent) of such nature and dynamic that led to me masking my needs (emotions) from (suspected) BPD parent indefinitely (Their response was a detachment and dismissal: almost like my emotional deregulation wasn’t happening, obviously dissociation). Thank you very much for the tips on how to limit the transference of this intergenerational trauma 💛

Amazing, thank you so much Kim 🙏🏻💖

HEY all FOSTERKIDS: Are you in fostercare or have you been in fostercare? Have your fosterfamilily or the childprotection workers told you that your mom or dad or other kindship relatives are NARCISISTS (or bother kind of bad people for you to relate to?) Do you really believe this? Do not believe them. Find out yourselves. CPS and fosterparents most often tell you this bad stuff about your kindship relatives, to make you stay away from your own family, to get controle of you. Your mom, dad or other relatives are probably like most other people, "good and bad in everyone," but love their children very much and not at all dangerous for you to keep up an relationship with.. So if you sometimes think about your mom, dad other relatives you have not been in contact with for a long time and miss them, dont be afraid to call or send them a letter- probably they have missed you a lot and will respond in a positive manner-and then you have the possibility to find out if your mom,dad or other relatives are those terrible narcisistic persons the cps and your fosterparents might have pretended they are- or good people you might enjoy to reestablish a relationship with, Find out yourself - not just believe what your fosterparents or cps workers have told you!

I was actually misdiagnosed with autism (I diagnosis I proactively sought) 2 years ago during a severe depressive episode (I have bipolar). Please don't seek out a diagnosis in crisis as the symptoms can mimic autism - flat facial expression for instance. I do have ADHD however. I've been on various forums & couldn't relate to anyone who said they didn't understand social nuance as I have a heightened sensitivity to this.

Thank you for making it all make sense. I've been keeping track of my symptoms for years now and this entire video matches my experience 100%. I'm frustrated and angry all the time, because it's not fair that I have to take responsibility for an adult who should have known better.

I’m seeing quite a few negative comments on avoidant partners. I am sorry you guys have had such rough experiences… but my partner is avoidant, and she is doing her absolute best to meet my needs too. I believe avoidant people deserve love just as much as anyone else.

I feel so cheated I was diagnosed with level 1 ASD at 50. I feel I was not listened to by doctors. Cause I didn't have a dick they could not help me I was also molested at the age of 4. Now 57 still feel lost cause there is no help for adults all set up for kids. I have clinical depression as well. I have lost faith in the medical profession.

Wow, so glad i found this channel, you are opening my eyes to a lot of things and explaining it so well. Thank you so much ❤

It was written to be read from a clinical audience not so much the average self help consumer. That book 100% saved my life though. It was literally the first time I found any validation for what I have lived.

“You’re not autistic because your parents are narcissistic”

Most personality disorders, at least the cluster As and Bs, do seem to arise due to autism.

Wow, I'm reallly appreciating your wider view of intergenerational trauma (Japanese interment camps, marginalized racial groups etc). I am starting looking at myself as a mom and how I visit the effects of my abusive childhood upon my son (and husband). Eye opening, highly absorbable and interesting with you sharing your own history. Thank you from a new subscriber.

Non Productive Serial Killer ! We don't because it's WRONG !