Love is not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person

Heartbreak was what made me the man I am today. I dated a girl from the age of 19-23, and I thought she was the love of my life. Planned my whole world around her, and then she dumped me out of the blue. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me; I didn’t know who I even was without her. I thought about doing terrible things to myself. But over time the pain lessened. I grew into myself. I graduated college, hit the gym, discovered new hobbies, found God and, one day out of the blue, found the woman I would end up marrying. And *she* is the one I was meant to spend my life with. I didn’t look for her, I didn’t even try - all I did was focus on myself and becoming a good, solid man and then things fell into place. All this to say: it gets better. I promise you. It. Gets. Better. You just have to persevere, as all humans have done before you.

This Christmas I lost my Dog, my Girlfriend, my job, and my mother. Absolutely the worst time of my life. I got in my car and just headed west. Drove for 4 hours with just a blank stare forward. After 4 hours I realized I can't run from it. I turned around and went home. Everyday since has been a living hell facing it but I got to believe this is part of my journey. Gotta be better days ahead....

“If you look hard enough you will convince yourself that you have found what your looking for”. Wow. Didnt know I needed to hear that. Thank you man

We love you BECAUSE you aren't a therapist. You're like America's dad. Your advice is so true and honest and it is so appreciated.

When my son drowned at 17 a woman whose son had drowned told me : Time won't heal the pain of loss but in time the pain won't be as sharp as it is right now. After 22 years I've found this to be true. God Bless

The hardest part for me is the dreams. It's been over two years and I still dream about her. Wish that would stop.

Love isn’t something you find, it’s something you build. Through action, and equal effort with someone else who also wants to love.

Heartbreak was the best thing that could have happened to me. At the beginning it hurts and you try to persuade the person somehow to continue. Until time heals your wounds and you start to focus on yourself. For me the process took a long time but in the end I have never felt better than I do now because of the development I have taken through it.

They say love is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it runs away. But the moment you stop chasing it and regain your stillness, it'll perch on you.

My girlfriend (now wife) quite literally walked into my life, met her at a friends house, and I was just drawn to her, been married for 6 years, together for 8 years, and are expecting our first baby here in 6 weeks, your comment about stop looking, couldn’t be any more true. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, great things happen when you least expect it.

"Until you find peace in who you are... you can't get that peace from somebody else." Came with questions about life. Left with a desire to smoke that cigar and a Senior moment.

Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.

The hardest thing for me to find is honesty in another person.

In my humble opinion at 34 years old, if you make it to my age and haven't had any heartbreaks or some form of trauma, you haven't really lived what we call "life". Its the hardships that you struggle through that makes you stronger, smarter, and wiser. Just don't let your hardships get the best of you like they almost did to me. Give it time for the wisdom that life is trying to teach you to set in.

You're born in this world by yourself, you'll experience death by yourself; we must learn how to be happy and find peace by ourselves in the middle. Great wise advice you offer in this video. Thank you

Believe me I can tell you about heartbreak. My Wife of 37 years, who I have known since grammar school (she was 70, I am 72), so we have known each other all our lives, passed away on 22 December, one month ago tomorrow. My life is shattered into a million pieces. I was not ready to lose her, not sure I ever will be, frankly I don’t want to be over it. My love for my Wife, my Lover, and my Best Friend will never be over. It’s so recent, I don’t know that I will ever find my way without her. I’m sure God will show me the way someday to be without her, but not yet, the pain is so intense, I can’t begin to explain it, but I Pray it never happens to you.

"I'm just a dude" You do enough on youtube to give some folks a foundation for better livin'. You're just a good dude.

If every boy had a dad like you, we would have a much better world. Thanks for giving all this great wisdom and insight and for changing lots of lives. I know your podcast will be a hit!

The stop "Stop looking" lesson was brilliantly put. Having just come out of a relationship and in the heartbreak phase (idolising the person, thinking of the memories and plans that never were...) I realised that I had been some desperate for her to be the one that I projected a lot onto her and checked all my boxes without checking the ones I didn't want to be checked.

About a year ago, my fiancé, and I had fallen on hard times. I'd known her since High school and we had been dating for 4 years. I moved out and tried to move on, but despite our grievances, our connection was still strong. In June my father passed away suddenly and I didn't handle it well. His death and my searching for a new place lead to me taking a 2nd job and working every day. My ex and I continued talking, sporadically, and things seemed like they could be mending. One evening in late September she had invited me back over to spend some time together, but I found myself too tired to get out of the house. She passed away early the next morning. I have become intimately familiar with loss and heartbreak and guilt and regret. If you've lost someone or some connection you've had with someone, I can certainly relate to the pains, and sorrows you feel. And I've heard all the advice you're likely to hear. But no matter your loss, the most important thing is that you keep moving. I won't say "move on". Eventually you must, and one day you will, but that's something that evolves over time. Time does heal and the pain isn't infinite, but if someone had told me to just move on back in October, I'd probably need to be physically restrained. For most people, moving on is a process. But for now, just keep moving. Get up. Get out of bed. Keep working. Work harder. Start working out. Try new things. Do not fall into the traps of depression and self pity. It's okay to be sad and sullen. Especially with death, give yourself some room to mourn. But don't dwell there too long. Misery will sit with you forever if you let it. But if you keep moving, one day you'll find that you have moved on, and you'll find that you're in a new place, and you'll find new opportunities there. I was breaking down into a mess every day in October and November. These days, maybe once a week, something strikes me and I can't hold back the tears. It still hurts, but it doesn't hurt all the time now. That's progress. And if you can progress, you can heal. Funny I found this video today. I was feeling kinda down, because today is her birthday, so she's been on my mind. Thanks for the talk Duane.

Everything this man has said is true I'm 27 and I've been through break ups, disappointments, jail time, job loss, all kinds of things since 17... in ten years ive learned what most don't experience in their life but it's true to work on your self and get where you need to in life regardless if your spouse leaves and doesn't return... anyone who gives up on you during your worst times doesn't earn to be with you during your best ones 👍

My 81 yr old husband passed away two weeks ago. He had been ill for years and suffered terribly. His passing was a blessing. I miss him, but i don't miss him being sick. We were married for 13 years. My life is now different and each day i know that i have things to do. I'm reinventing my life. Life goes on. I'm grateful for the time we had and the memories we made.

Man, I’m 42 and all my life has been is heartbreak and loss. My first funeral was when I was 5 (in 1985). It was my grandpa (Dad’s side) and I remember being just tall enough to see him in his coffin wearing his medals and ribbons on his WWII Class A’s. That was the first time I remember contemplating what it meant to be “dead”. I also remember my dad as he dealt with the loss. My dad, nicknamed “Pie”, was always a stoic man. He didn’t say much until he thought deeply about it. He was measured and was also a walking encyclopedia 😂. But, I remember him as he dealt with grief and loss. He and his father weren’t close, the war will do that to a person. I recall feeling his grief (I’m kind of what they call an “empath”…..so is my mom). By the time I was 17 I had been to over a dozen funerals. My family went through a bad time filled with deadly accidents, suicides, and loss of loved ones through health issues. At the same time I even had close friends that passed away. I lost friends that were my age at the time. It’s a very difficult thing to attend the funeral of peers when you are still a kid. It hits harder in its own way. I got to the point where I refuse to attend funerals anymore. Not out of anything negative…..it’s just that I can’t handle it anymore. The departed just don’t look real. Their souls aren’t there. It’s just feels off on top of the grief that not only I have felt at those times……but also feeling the grief all around me. It’s rough. The hardest one that hit me ever was in 2015. I lost my dad. Pie was my greatest friend, my biggest fan, my most cherished inspiration, my anchor to this plane of existence and most importantly he was my rudder that always steered via trust and wisdom. I was 35. I’m still not over it. There are lots of times where something happens in my life and my reaction will be to call my dad to tell him. One of my Sons does something great? Call dad. I got a new truck? Call dad. I heard a great joke? Call dad. You get the picture. It’s torture. The night before he passed he was coming down with a head cold and was about to go to bed, we were talking on the phone. He was telling me “Yeah, I’m getting sick Jim….I need to go to bed.” to which I replied “Ok man, I’ll chat with you later….get some rest and feel better….I love you” to which he replied in a way that looking back makes me feel like he knew it was his end. He emphasized “I love YOU”. He had never said it that way before ever. It was always said in a way that intended to talk again. When I found out he passed (his neighbor friend found him, he passed in his sleep and she called me after she called the coroner) I collapsed. My brain just froze into overload. This is hard even reliving this in my mind now. I then got back up and walked to the stairs and just sobbed and fell apart. My wife tried consoling me to no avail. I was undone. He was my hero. He always will be. The whole world has gone even more crazy since then and a part of me feels as though it’s in part because he (and folks like him) left this realm. Love, patience, acceptance, compassion, true wisdom left this Earth when he left. The world is worse for it. I still have my mom, and we get along but my mom has always had baggage. She cheated and left my dad when I was 17. I’m almost thankful for her leaving because she took her needless drama with her. I got 4 years (before I left for the Army) to be with Pie without any BS. I learned so much from him. I feel that we bonded more in those 4 years than we ever did before. My only good takeaway from him passing is he isn’t dealing with his bad back, his high blood pressure, and his emphysema anymore. He’s free from the burden of pain. For that I’m thankful. I still miss him. As far as love goes, I agree. Don’t look for it, it WILL find you. My dad always told me “Jim, be friends with them all” (talking about women). I became friends with a great girl back in 1996 and through that friendship we became best friends. Our lives took differing paths as time slowly churned on, but, eventually everything aligned with no effort and we started dating based on the foundation of our friendship and the fact that a not so secret love started forming for each other. We’ve been married and going strong since 2004. We took the review mirror and ripped it off, threw it out the window. We just keep racing into the future together, always. Thick as thieves, stronger than all. My advice to young folks would be mixed with some of Pie’s advice. Be friends with them all, build a friendship that can last. Base a true love on heart because heart (and guts) are what matters the most in trying times. Intertwine with someone that can lean on you as you lean on them. Don’t be afraid to be wrong, and learn from mistakes. Learn together, grow together, keep your eyes on the prize…..and finally do NOT, whatever you do do, let the world in all of it’s fading glory poison the well in your hearts. This life is yours, it doesn’t belong to the latest cultural fad. Be a rock, be an anchor…..be steadfast. When you are old and gray and fading from this life you will do so with a smile. Peace.

Adversity builds us gentlemen, it does not feel good at the time but the results pay off in spades. In the meantime pray your way through. Dry Creek Wrangler thank you! 🙏🏿

At 24 years old I experienced my first relationship. She ended it and it broke my heart, the most real pain I’ve felt in a long time. But I’m grateful, because I almost settled for a life and a career that was below my potential. This heartbreak serves as a catalyst for me to grow and have a sense of urgency.

Relationships come and go: no matter what you are going thru regarding love, friendships, family; remember that you will get thru this! As a Vietnam Era veteran and homeless off and on the last 10 years, I can tell you this: You will get thru your present situation... You will be STRONGER... You will be WISER... it's all about learning and getting to know YOU! Make YOU be the one in the "drivers seat" of YOUR life and not others!!

This video really resonates with me. Got broken up with by a woman I could've swore was it. Just like you said, I found ways to make sure she checked every box. Not only that, but I ignored red flags along the way too. When she left, it shattered every illusion I've ever had about love. Rather than lashing out I looked inward. I came to terms with what really went on, who she really was, how I contributed to things going sideways, and the faulty lenses I looked at relationships through. I worked on myself, took up new hobbies and interests, got a better job, and came up with a more realistic way of looking at the world. I haven't found my partner yet, but I've never felt like more of a man.

My dad saw some horrific stuff in WWII and he and I were never very close or spoke freely to each other. It was amazing to hear you say it because to this day at age 60 the only piece of wisdom I can remember from my dad was "this too shall pass".

I’m 55 1/2. 21 was yesterday. That’s almost 35 yrs ago. In another 35 yrs, I’ll be over 90. Time truly does fly and it becomes very apparent as we age. My point: focus on helping others and not your own happiness. In the end, it will be the most fulfilling and will be something you can actually take with you when you die. The only things you can take with you are the things you gave away and the people you helped.

As someone who spent 20+ years not even trying to find a woman. Don't go out and try to force a relationship.. but it is still important to make some kind of communication if you are interested in someone. If you close yourself off to everyone your chances of meeting the one is very small. Also be yourself

One of the best advice for heartbreak that I ever heard of was for a son who told his dad about how he got dumped and how bad it hurts and it was like "Son I know you're hurting now, and nothing will fix that quick. But I promise you, that in a few years, you'll look back on this moment and you'll be ashamed that you let someone who cares for you so little hurt you so bad." and it hit me, because at the end of the day, that father was so right.

When I stopped looking, surprisingly, things were there. Right in front of me... Stay in the present. You'll be surprised where you are when you do. You can't work on a better future if you don't know where you are today, for tomorrow. Great message Dwayne!

My mom who was 62 years old, she passed away unexpectedly in September after a 5 year struggle with cancer. I thought I knew what pain was, I had no idea.

She left me 2 months ago, it was my fault and it’s still hurting, thanks for the kind words.

Just when I was getting dragged back into a slump of self-pity for messing up a relationship with someone I didn't learn to appreciate until it was too late, this video gets uploaded. Can't thank you and your infinite wisdom enough, Mr. Noel.

I could write paragraphs right now (and have on previous videos). But I feel all I NEED to say, is thank you, Duane. You're a real stand up guy, and helping a lot of people.

Time doesn’t heal, you just get used to the pain, the pain stays forever.

Facts. I lost a 7 year relationship. The night it ended I committed to being the man I was meant to be. Lost 45 pounds, got myself disciplined, got a small promotion at work, cleared some debt, and radically improved my diet. I am still working on myself to be the man that can earn the traditional woman I am after. I know my own worth and will not compromise. Better to be single than to settle for less. I am done, so done settling for less.

"This, too, shall pass" has been powerful for me since I was a young teen first experiencing debilitating mental illness.

Work on yourself. Work on your grind, whatever it might be. A mate will just show up. When a mate does show up, don't hold on too tightly. If you decide to try therapy, be very selective. Don't be afraid to move on & try someone else.

I needed the heartbreak in my life. I could not be alone. My boyfriend left me for another woman, I was 25 (30 now and still single). It was absolute agony, after a 3 year relationship. I couldn’t eat and lost 20 pounds. Mind you, I started at 120. I fought like heck to get him back. Compared myself to the new girl 24/7. But, I wouldn’t change it. I’ve learned never to trust, to focus on yourself and your mental health, et cetera. Definitely 100% learn to be alone and take care of yourself only. I won’t ever let someone affect me like that ever again. Now I absolutely love being alone and can hardly believe it. Learn to love yourself and you don’t “need” that other person you thought you did.

i recently lost my girl. We were together for 4.5 years. I've devasted and I cant stop things of things i could have changed, done better and regret. Regrets man.... biggest fucker out of them all.. So many sleepless nights but i am aware of the fact that our mind is our own worst enemy. I have faith that time will heal all wounds and i'll come back stronger. I hope the same for all of you.

I enjoy your talks. I find it ironic that my wife and I are in the mist of a 1910 farmhouse renovation located on Dry Creek Road. Thank you for your sincerity. Every time I get frustrated by my wife, I am reminded that I too create frustration. More often than not, my wife puts up with a lot more from me than I do from her. I love her dearly for this quality and I am humbled by her tolerance.

i lost a child forty years ago. Just today I told someone about my lost and even after all these years tears came to my eyes. But the tears that are shead waters the memories that remain...

At 11:20 Dwayne sums it up. “Yesterday’s gone. PURGE it and MOVE ON.” I’m going to listen to the rest of it anyway bc I really enjoy the man. But that’s all I needed to hear. Thank you, Dwayne.

Heartbreak is awful but never giving up. Time does heal all wounds.

This type of content is why KZfaq is great

I went through my first heartbreak two years ago and it still hurts. All you can do is keep living and not dwell on the pain. It gets easier slowly but surely

Thank you, I need to hear this. I refused to grieve and rushed into another relationship (desperately checking off all the boxes) and about 6 months later I got hit hard with my heartbreak and am now single again. I really need to fix this heart, and I guess focus on myself. I hate that I have this burning desire for a woman and family when clearly that’s just not how things are right now😕

The hard truth is that for some, you may always love someone who abandons and rejects you or who dies - as you say cherish and move forward. It doesn’t always ease and I speak from experience. You learn to live with the pain.

Thank you Dewayne. I have been struggling to get over a girlfriend, we’ve been separated 4 months and it’s been super hard to move on. Your words help a lot. This too shall pass. Take care.

It’s crazy to me that people have such a lack of self awareness that they expect you to be their personal therapist. You handled this with grace. Congrats on your podcast! I think it’s a great idea to help spread the wisdom you’ve so generously shared with us. Thank you.

Fantastic stuff man, I had your videos started being recommended to me, and I’ve seen enough in a row by this point I’ll probably just be a regular viewer now, I appreciate your experience that you pass on, you’re a real bright fellow, metaphorically and literally, you got a great aura.

Your content is amazing, we really appreciate people like you. Keep up the good work!

I’ve been through some tough things but loosing a child is the worst by far. There are no words

3 years ago, I lost 5 close friends. Last year almost to the day, I lost my father. It was devastating. People couldn't believe the next day I went to work. I simply said that life doesn't stop because someone else's did. Process your grief and keep moving. Life has to happen

I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to share this. Thank you Mr Dwayne

We love and appreciate you for who you are! Thank you for being honest and genuine

SO much wisdom from this man.

Going through a breakup myself right now. From 20-23 I’d been with this girl and it hurts. I know I’ll be okay, but it’s so hard. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one, because at times it does feel like that. But yeah, my heart hurts for now and it will for a little while after this.

You're a good grandpa to us all. So kind and honorable.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and strength, my dad died a few months ago and you've been a guiding light for me to navigate myself out of the darkness. You saved my life man, honestly.

This man is a national treasure!

To me this is the most meaningful video you've ever made. It's as if you've answered the most pertinent question that has just been eating away at me. I hope that time does heal all wounds as I really can't seem to move no matter what I try. Thank you, Dewayne.

The timing on this video man thank you!

I love your posts. They always make me smile. Thank you .

Losing someone you love is the worst pain and it’s also where you learn the most about what matters in life, stay strong and remember that the best medicine is laughter☀️ peace and love!

My Mom's dying of cancer and we're at the final few days. The sense of devastation is something I don't even know how to describe. I already feel the hole that is going to be left in my heart and in my soul. Two mini-strokes have made communicating with her so very sad and hard. I'm 46 years old and cannot believe the sense of devastation I am feeling. I remember my childhood with Mom like it was yesterday and it's crushing to think about life without her. I related to when you said honor them because that is what I am going to do. Thank you Dwayne.

This man is gold. Bless you sir.

Man these words and your even-headed way of saying everything is really more helpful than you could ever know. Thanks for putting these videos out.

This could not have come at a better time. Thank you for the wise words, you are always so eloquent and say exactly what I need to hear. Much love!

This man could talk about anything and it just puts me in the most peaceful mood. I hope to be the type of man like this someday

Definitely appreciate your videos, they are so helpful!

I needed this, thank you

These videos have been extremely helpful. Thank you for all you do!

All I can say is well spoken and you said the right thing. It's not easy getting so many folk asking for help. Just keep on doing what your doing. :)

Thank you I needed to hear this

I have a lot of respect for someone who knows his own limits and doesn’t try to be something he isn’t. Kudos to you for trying to give some solid guidance without losing sight of who you are and what you can do.

You’re the friend that nobody has- your the father, grandfather etc that we all need. Truly appreciate the time, wisdom, and honesty especially at this time in life. Lost my go to buddy a few years ago and same with grandparents and the hole is tough to fill. Thank you

Love your videos guys, keep it going!

Thank you for this message ❤️

Needed this right now, thank you

What a savior I really needed this just got out of a 3 almost 4 year relationship and things have been rough not as rough as it was when it initially happened but still it really does get hard at times when I get caught up in those bitter sweet memories but ultimately I hope I can move forward from this naturally because I find myself trying to do anything to numb the pain and I’m just trying to move on so hastily when I just need to go along with it.

I appreciate this so much, acknowledging the potential dangers of giving advice & causing more harm! I am a licensed counselor and I don’t give advice. We are trained to be an objective helper but it’s so much about the client/counselor relationship that helps the individual find the answers within themselves because the majority of counseling happens outside of the session in daily life (when using coping skills in your daily life).

im going through a real tough situation at the moment with regards to exactly this. this video came to me at exactly the right time. thanks man ✌️

You are a good hearted man and we appreciate all of your wisdom.

It's the hardest thing everyone deals with, broken hearts. And it happens so much to so many of us. And we just feel so helpless and powerless and lost. U & ur wife are an inspiration, ppl want what y'all have. We want the blueprint lol! Thanks internet Dad

Dewayne, as someone currently going through grad school for mental health counseling in pursuit of a career as an LPC, I cannot express to you how much I appreciate your approach. You are one of the most wise men I’ve ever listened to, and the fact that you know and speak to your limitations really shines to that wisdom.

Thank God Almighty your not one of the therapists we’re tired of them and politicians. God bless you and your wife 🙏🏻

Thank you. I needed this today. ❤

YOU are a MAN OF HONOR!

Thank you for being so spot on with this topic. I am 62 and have losses both parents and a brother along with numerous relationships in the early days. Finally God gave me a love and we will celebrate 40 yrs this year. Keep helping so many understand life’s basics.

For the record I think your probably way more qualified in the advice you give then alot of so called professionals with a degree. Your thoughtful perspective on life through experience is hard to come by and much appreciated ♥️

The sheer class of this is video is astonishingly good.

We appreciate what you do.

Wise man. Your choice of wording accompanied by your knowledge of human nature and the way life works… is truly refreshing and reassuring to listen to. Thanks, friend. Glad I found your videos.

Mr. Dwayne, what you do is better than any response you could provide in an email. I have not emailed you before, but the fact that you are praying for those of your following, myself included, who are struggling means more than you could know. I loved the three legged dog video, reminded me of stories my dad tells. This just ties it all together. I appreciate what you are doing and it’s helping a lot

Your videos always come up on my recommended when I need them

That remote control analogy got me. Totally true. Coming out from another break-up. 41 years old, third girl that lived together with and couldn't make it work (3 years of relationship) so I'm not feeling great about myself honestly. Thanks for this kind of videos, you are literally helping folks from the other side of the World. I wish you all the best for you and your family.