“Sorry for anything I did wrong” is a great blanket apology I’ve heard.

Best one i had from a narc was "im sorry for all the bad things you think I've done" 🙄

''Nothing someone says before the word ''but'' really counts.'''' - Benjen Stark

You just described all the ways my ex husband used to apologize when he even made the effort. INFJ here.

Thank you! Recognizing fake apologies is a good way to establish personal boundaries. It is often used as fancy way to break through my inner "security system" to inject guilt. And it sometime works. Well this is partially victim's fault indeed. As by accepting such fake they reinforce a bad habit. No one teachs nowadays what does real apology mean. Anyway, explaining the difference between fake and "responsible" apology and looking at a reaction seems to be good way to verify person's real attitude. Forewarned means forwarded :)

1.I'm Sorry, But.. - 1:15 2. I'm Sorry That You... - 1:41 3. I'm Sorry If... - 2:49 4. I Already Apologized..[for]... - 3:40 5. I Didn't Mean To... - 4:36 6. Blanked Apology: "Sorry for anything I did/have done/were doing wrong." - 5:28 7. The Angry Apology - 6:10 8. I *Should* Say I'm Sorry Apology - 6:28 2 Deflection Techniques - 6:55 Hope that helps :)

DUDE!!! I love your content and finally feel sooo related to through it! Sometimes I feel like an alien as an INFJ, but in every video I’ve seen of yours so far you seem to be not only extremely relatable but also make sense of what I feel in my gut on a regular basis! Being INFJ can feel extremely lonely. So thanks so much for your content and helping me realise I’m not the only one! You may be making a bigger difference to people than u realise my friend, and I always make a point to give credit where it’s due.

very interesting faux-apology list. I find that no one in my life ever apologizes except the really wise people who worked on themselves, or kind women (women often apologize freely, unless they are trained to 'never apologize' in order to get ahead). So, I'm happy even with a fauxpology as it reveals our 'divide' as well as sometimes reveals they are at least trying to accept or appease me (though they have no clue they are coming across as inauthentic.) I gratefully accept any and all apologies or fauxpologies, as some sort of effort, combined with info about that person and where they are in their personal development. Just thought I would share this. Peace.

Forgiveness is not restoration.

Excellent! Thank you for putting this video together. It seems self-evident, and yet so many people either aren't aware, or aren't willing to practice authentic contrition.

Never heard anyone apologise as much as you. Thanks.

I wish if I have a big brother like you. Probably my life would have been better

The apology definitely needs to be congruent with the offense itself to show that they’ve actually taken the time to truly consider the way their actions impacted the person they’re apologizing to. But (most of the time) with someone who gives fauxopologies......... That’s not gonna happen. Because they just don’t care how anyone else feels. That’s why they were able to do it in the first place.

I like the way you talk in your videos. You’re not screaming into the camera like a lot of others would do.

I had a friend give me the If apology followed by a hideous house plant.

There is no apology in an amends. There are five steps. 1. This is why I'm here 2. This is what I did 3. Would you like to say anything 4. What can I do to make it right ? 5. Did I miss anything

Thank you! This was just what I needed. Precise and useful.

Ive done number 5 several times usually when interacting with people who like to dish it out and roast people for no reason but become a complete sissy and butthurt when they themselves get roasted. Its like why even treat people that way when you wouldnt want to be treated like that yourself..

I had to spew out quite a few fauxpologies growing up... I'm autistic, and my mom would often get upset with me for what seemed to me like no reason. When I asked why she was upset, she'd snap *"you know why!!!"* even though I truly didn't, and then she'd give me the silent treatment until I caved in and crawled back to her and apologised for everything and anything, because what else could I do to make her speak to me again? Then, *after* I'd apologised, she might show her "forgiveness" by actually telling me what I'd done wrong. I can't really remember any of those reasons today, which makes me suspect they were trivial. It was a very confusing home life...

Here’s one: “I’m sorry if you were hurt by what I said. But honestly I don’t even remember saying that.”

Thank you so much for making this video. I had to apologise to a friend and this really helped. I was so stressed out about approaching the issue but this really guided me. :')

Apologies have never been funnier!! 😂😂😂 You surely have a great sense of humor and you are very inventive in creating names for them. Especially the blanket apology and the deja vu apology cracked me up!! Thanks for the info and the laugh ❤ Would love to see a follow up video about how to respond to these apologies. That would be really helpful.

Out of all Clay's video I think this was the first where he showed his humorous side I liked it great job

I've never felt that way about anyone, accept with bullies.

I've definitely have dealt with the last one, the more "I was just kidding" apology -- downplaying or normalizing their behavior. When people start diverging or avoiding that person, there's a reason why. When you apologize it's to acknowledge the problem and wrong you've committed but you want to move forward and improve the relationship. Obviously, it's not easy, it takes courage to admit one's faults, to actually vocalize it. They should realize there's no shame in them truly apologizing, not easy, but for everyone it's for the better. We're going to be in the same boat with someone one day 😝

This is such a useful list of fake apologies to look out for. Most apologies I have been given by people in life have been on this list. Very few people I know are genuine and I have had to learn the hard way about the damaging effects toxic behavior has had on my life. This video is very useful and I hope many people can use it to recognize what to watch out for so they don't have to go through the all the heartache of learning the hard way. It offers a way to be aware without being calloused and paranoid about the genuineness of the people around us. Have you considered making more videos on the narcissistic attraction (both them to us [INFJs], and us to them) and the damage it does? Perhaps a video on how to be more assertive as an INFJ or how to bolster self-confidence as an INFJ or one who loves an INFJ?

you did a good job at communicating

So much to learn about how fake apologies can be , thank you ❣️ I have something that’s bugging me .. how to deal with toxic people who start conversation with me as if they like me and want to know about me and what I’m up to and sooner when I just start replying sincerely they’ll comeback with their real faces and treat me poorly or put me down! I hope to get some tool for this from you .. thanks again❣️

I love your content my friend... wow... Dr Harriet Lerner has a book all about apologies called why don't you apologize that speaks to these things, she even has a ted talk about this... there are effective ways to apologize and ineffective ways... changed behavior is the most sincere way of apologizing, obviously a conversation needs to clean up the energetic mess too that acknowledges and takes into account the other persons feelings and not in some condescending way like I see how my behavior was hurtful and I apologize and then later doing it again... to offier an apology is not admitting a crime it shows empathy and maturity, if that is hard for a person you are not dealing with a safe person, let them go or distance yourself and do not get too close.. actions and words must align. it is also a BS apology just to pacify the person in the moment. you have brilliant videos...

Thanks bro. I was really trying to figure out if I’m sincere in having recently made a rather large apology… Pretty sure I don’t have to worry about bigger personality issues having blinded me or about self delusion. Appreciate the clarifying info bro🤙

So true, I've gotten soooo many fake apologies. Those that blame me, those that call me names in the midst of the apology, list all the troubles they have and how me being upset with them causes them...stress and discomfort. They are so inauthentic and it's almost nauseating. Attempts to make me feel bad when I was wronged. The worst part is they go around telling everyone how they "apologized " and they cry victim because I didn't seem to accept it...Hypocrisy I find it to be so ridiculous. As you said, if the actions don't change at some point, is it a real apology?

Yes, that’s all true, and being an INFJ makes you a target for narcissist and energy sucker ppl. Great video 🙌🏻 please keep going with this Type of videos, you have a pop star quality 👏 thanks again

I have been a victim of fake apologies thanks for empowering me

Needed this

Actually in conjunction with my first comment and how much I appreciate you and your content, as I’ve gone further into this video I’d be disloyal to my values if I wasn’t to say that some points you make in “point 5” may be leaving little option for people to genuinely apologise, because the most effective manipulators often verbally mimic a reasonable way in language. I know when I apologise I can’t think of better wording than “I’m sorry if...” and “I’m sorry but” and “I didn’t mean to”. If you start an apology that way and it’s purely circumstance related, that to me is an actual apology. But I definitely get where ur coming from.

The gift apology....you were upset yesterday so here I got you this!!! Then they wait for praise.... !Seriously! I got one genuine apology so far in life, a few yrs ago...it was so nice, my sister apologised very specifically with direct eye contact and then a big hug...and showed massive remorse.

Spot on, like always. I realise I am sometimes using some of those fauxpologies. Mostly the "I didn't mean to...". I've never looked at it from that perspective. Maybe you make a video on the right ways to apologise. Also, I cannot help but notice how you seem so angry in this video. I don't know why I get this feeling when watching it.

Clay, I'm an authentic individual. I don't use filters--at least not often. All this said, I sometimes say, "I'm sorry that...." simply because, I am not sorry I feel as I do, but am sorry that they choose to feel what they chose to feel. The way I live my life is this: If I believe that I know something to be true, then I cannot, ever, apologize for it. However, I can offer feelings that I am sorry another chooses to feel upset--though, it's not an apology for what I said, only that they feel as they do. If I am actually in the wrong for it, I take full responsibility and accountability for it. In my profession, only full responsibility and accountability will do. Anyway, for me, this is how I express compassion for others while standing my ground in the same moment. Though I've noticed, not all INFJs do things the exact same way. I guess, as each of us is an individual (within the great consciousness), that's not really a surprise. Here is an example: My wife is an INFP and one of my daughters (my youngest) is likely an INFP--but she is so young, she's teetering on the pinnacle of the peak called INFJ/INFP. As for me and my other kids, we're INFJs. The way we do things is very different from one another. In my case, I tend to use no filters, but I can be diplomatic if I choose. It's often said that I'm 'diplomatically-unfiltered' (and isn't that kinda funny, as INFJs are thought to be walking contradictions). My INFJ daughter (my eldest) says nothing about how she feels about anything at all, yet, clearly she is an FJ, not an FP. My INFJ daughter is a very intuitive judger. My boys are INFJs too, and they also are just so different. My eldest son is loved by women. He is charming, and still completely sincere. He doesn't judge people, he just chills. He has few expectations, period. He always knows what will follow in a given situation. One would never know he does martial arts, and that he does them so well, because he seems to be too laid-back to be into that. My other son, is aggressive. He likes peace, but he will fight at the drop-of-hat. My second son one would think is a TJ, but, surprisingly, he isn't. He thinks a lot like an engineer. Yet, he is clearly Ni-dom. So, yeah, even among INFJs, there is a world of difference. :-)

Wow....really good stuff.

This was great! I went through an apology issue this summer but in reverse. It was me who tried to sincerely apologize for something, and the person told me "no need to". I found this infuriating because I was humbling myself enough to do it for both of us. I told this person I had been over this situation a long time and was just tying up loose ends which I felt was right. I also found the way they said near the end of our chat, "I can now see you're over this. Good for you, I'm proud of you" to also be maddening. Like a metaphorical pat on the head before I went on my way. Very patronizing. Thankfully after hashing it out a while we parted in a good place.

Idk, I feel like #5 is fine. When someone wrongs me, it makes a huge difference if I know they did it accidentally. If they let me know in their apology that they didn't mean to do what they did, it repairs the relationship a lot more than if they DID mean to hurt me. If I know they meant to hurt me, I may accept their apology and forgive them but I'll lose trust in them going forward because they've demonstrated a mean streak. If they make it clear they hurt me accidentally, I can forgive AND go back to trusting them.

Nothing says Fouxpology like Doni Bobes - Hacker Moms letter! You should review it and explain the errors in her apology. Just subscribed!

The worst apologies I heard were said by same person, a "friend" "I behaved like that with you because it was stressed about my job"." If I were like that all the time everybody will hate me, I am like that when I am stressed , I 'm sorry you have to be the victim this time" " I Didn't expect your health problems were too big",etc. I cut him from my life because what he did was really disrespectful.

The ways to repent: 1) Feel bad 2) Apologize 3) Make amends as much as possible 4) Alter future behavior. This doesn't have to be theological. If you follow these steps, it can go a long way to resolving problems.

I looked my dad in my eyes and told him to get put of my life. And I thought he was going to yell at me, or strike me. Yelling is fine. I learned how to yell louder than that bastard, from interacting with him.

Thank you for your video here! I was told in therapy that we need to accept an apology at face value even if it doesn't feel sincere b cause the apology was still made. Your video makes me question that... I'll have to think more about it : )

I think it is possible to be simultaneously sorry for making someone upset but not sorry for your actions or words. You actually have to use "fake" apologies to navigate relationships sometimes. Like with children. You have to let them know that you're sorry they feel upset, but not sorry for a consequence or punishment they have to undergo. Sometimes it is, in fact, another person's fault, but straight out saying, "Its your fault," is too harsh for some people. So you have to employ the, "Im sorry if....but, ....." To let them know that they have to take some responsibility for the situation and that you feel you did nothing wrong without being a blunt jackass about it. But thank God for the people you CAN be completely honest with. This is especially important in partner relationships.

instead of saying "I'm sorry if I punched you in the face" you can say "I'm sorry your face ran into my fist"

This video is Real talk from a real man. My soon to be ex husband has executed all of these fauxpologies and he learned it from his alcoholic dad. A man who offers fauxpologies is pathetic.

This was a well explained

Idk what is worse, if a fauxpology or not even trying to apologize. For the first one, it makes you feel stupid or bad as if they haven't done anything hurtful; and for the second, it seems they don't care at all (0 empathy).

I sorry you feel that way .... instead of actually taking responsibility for there actions...then there the people that side with that person when they didn't witness the event them self...and are privileged enough to be the same race as the offender....when the issue steams from racism.

I’m tryna figure out. Because there’s a friend of mine that apologized from something half a year ago. And he doesn’t have the nicest personality so it’s hard to tell

I'm wondering about your opinion on the "I guess I'm just a terrible person, I suck," non-apology, where the "apologizer" flips it so that the "hurt party" turns into the "caregiver" trying to make the "apologizer" feel better. I feel like there was a term for this, but I cannot remember it.

“but” stands for beware the underlying truth

Yeah a co-worker did the its no big deal apology to me by saying she was “just joking” with me when it was clearly starting to make me upset until I literally had to walk away from her angrily while biting my tongue last week. I’ve had so many fauxpologies in my life that I don’t want to deal with any more of them or people who try to give them to me. I’ve gotten fake apologies from the staff of my high school (which they also blamed me for the problems I was having caused by others), the woman who verbally and emotionally abused me as she literally screamed in my face and slapped me because she was drunk and angry over something not that bad and then said she wouldn’t do it again only for it to happen two days later, and even by a youth pastor who took the side of these boys who claimed I stole something from them with no proof and the pastor claimed he knew was innocent but he had to search me and was sorry for having to do it and yet he never questioned the boys about the situation or even asked for my side of the story. After I proved I was innocent those boys never apologized or was even made to do so and that is wrong.

I still wonder.... How do you suggest responding to such apologies?

They say I was just kidding

What if you don't believe the thing you said and/or did that people are referring to as something wrong was actually wrong, but you don't want to get in trouble or lose relationships with people. How do you apologize without a fake apology and without lying?

I'm sorry I made you feel. . . . I never intended to hurt you, and didn't know that I did. I'm sorry for causing you pain.

There’s a couple more that nobody seems to mention. The shut up apology, you are offended and you confront the offending person. Offending person responds with a quick yelling I’M SORRY! As if you’re a terrible nag to confront them on their offensive behavior. In other words the take away is that you should shut up. The second one is the over-explained apology which is I’m sorry but adjacent.

oh thanks, now i realize that no one has ever apologized to me, or me to someone. :)

I'm gonna jump in here and admit my apologies are often like these (not as extreme as the examples lol). I usually do want to change though, if I can see how I could do it differently, but when I'm told my apologies are bad in the moment I often don't know how to change them, or how I'm supposed to feel. Again, I will try my best to change my behavior in the future, but in the moment I apparently can't figure out what I'm supposed to apologize for, sometimes.. Am I really a bad person?

Is it true to say, "I'm sorry I hurt you", or to say, "I'm sorry I did *blank action* and im sorry i made you feel *blank* way."

I have a question about this subject. Imagine this: Person A. tells Person B. what they [B.] did to upset them [A.] After A. explains how they felt undermined by whatever B. said or did, B., says "I'm sorry." Is it immediately okay then, or is their apology questionable? I have my personal answer, but I want to see if yours will match what I'm thinking and feeling.

I need to fake an apology because I exploited on a game and to get unbanned I need to write a appeal so here I am

❤️

All the time. Fake apologies.

I'm starting off in this video and I know the one KZfaqr that faked an apology it's extra credits what's the channel they pretty much fake it

What about " I'm sorry if you are."

I just received this “apology” 2 days ago Apologies if I came across as being offensive in any way.

Alright guys I need some help, my friend ditched my friend group and sent an apology later that night saying "Hey man I'm sorry for ditching you tonight. I'm not the best at apologies but this is me actually trying to apologize for once, I just wanted to hang with Steven and Tanner and I knew Lewis and Mikey probably wouldn't want to so I went home for a bit then went there. I should just learn to not ditch people. I feel bad and there's just a feeling that keeps bothering me and I thought I could get rid of that guilt by apologizing, I you don't need to acknowledge this if you don't want but I might as well just try 😁" I don't think its sincere and I don't thing hes is taking responsibility for his actions, and I don't really know how to respond. Can anyone help me?

#2 is what u need to say to narcissists. Because they tend to come up with all imaginative bad things u did to them. If I'm wrong correct me.

Boarding

Wow 🤩 Im sorry?

🤣🤣🥰🥰

😂

I gave 2 star's on someone dog walking business And they found out. I did do a apology note for that purson. But I wish I did something like this man is talking about. Cos I was only having a laugh. I would of taken it down eventually 😉.she was upset cos I have given her 2 star's. But at the same time there is coved 19 going on. And she was upset about what I did. Her name is Emma .

Im sorry...but you're so.handsome Im sorry if i.find you so cute... Love from the Philippines😊

LOL .....

No. Who gets to decide when it's real? The court of public opinion?? You're usually guilty until proven innocent according to these people, and they are usually going to accuse you of pedophilia, cultural insensitivity, or serial rape/sexual assault. If sex crime happened press charges and drag the man into a court hearing. Anything short of that stop talking about it, stop gossiping.

You are apoloziging and at the same time doing the same mistake again and again does not make any sense......