Feel awkward making eye contact? Get rid of it once and for all

Рет қаралды 98,378

Күн бұрын

Hi, my name is Seb. I’m a former #SocialAnxietyDisorder sufferer, the host of a popular podcast show (Social Anxiety Solutions) and a social confidence coach.
Since 2009, I’ve helped hundreds of #sociallyanxious clients feel #calm, #comfortable and at ease socially.
I’m in (symptomless) self-quarantine due to the #CoronaVirus. And I got inspired by people like the quarantined Italians singing from their balcony. And well, I’ve got a lot of time on my hands now…
Anyway, I decided I could help by creating a free 30 day Social Confidence Challenge for all of you who suffer from #socialanxiety.
Because what a perfect opportunity this is to reduce your social anxiety!
Now the mainstream belief is that the only way to do this is to #ChangeYourThoughts, and force yourself to #FaceYourFears
Since this didn’t work for me (I’ll share more in the challenge) I had to find #AlternativeWays. And eventually, I created a different approach.
My approach builds on the foundation of #traditional #WesternPsychology, but adds a very important component:
Addressing the #EMOTIONAL SIDE of your social anxiety issue.
While I will help you change your mindset, and while facing your fears is included, I go about it in a much #LessStressful, and far more #EffectiveWay.
How?
You face your fears internally. And then you #release them.
For this, we use a #powerful, #scientificallyproven to be #effective #EmotionalReleaseTechnique. Details about the #technique and how to use it to #OvercomeSocialAnxiety are beyond the scope of this brief message.
This is what the 30-day challenge is for.
I’ve used this technique to overcome my own social anxiety, and use it as my main technique to help my clients.
With this approach, you will chip away at your #SocialAnxietyIssues. And you do this mostly from the comfort of your own home.
So that once the virus is #undercontrol and we’re able to go out again, you can do so with less social anxiety, and more #confidence and ease.
Sound good?
You can #register here: bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
Hope to see you there.
Seb
www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
Recommended Playlist:
Social Confidence Club / Community Testimonial
• Social Confidence Club...
An Amazing Way To Understand Yourself And Your Social Anxiety ||🌈
• An Amazing Way To Unde...
Why Does My Social Anxiety Keep Coming Back? | Social Anxiety Disorder |🔥
• Why Does My Social Anx...
3 Powerful Insights To Beat Your Social Anxiety | Social Anxiety |🔥
• 3 Powerful Insights To...
Are You On The Journey To Social Ease-Testimonial | Social Anxiety Solutions |🌈
• Are You On The Journey...
To Ease Your Social Anxiety Suffering |🌈
• To Ease Your Social An...
-----------------------------------------------------------
www.social-anxiety-solutions.c...
Reduce your anxiety immediately with the free social confidence starter kit. Click on the above link to get it.
Receive step-by-step instructions on how to beat social anxiety disorder ( social phobia ) once and for all. Without awkwardly facing your fears. Visit my homepage: www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/
Or, to hear the world's leading psychologists, healers, coaches, therapists, authors, and psychotherapists share their best social anxiety secrets and stories of transformation, check out the "Social Anxiety Solutions" podcast in iTunes. Or visit this link:
www.social-anxiety-solutions.c...
Do you have a:
Fear of rejection
Fear of looking foolish
Fear of criticism
Fear of disapproval
Fear of conflict
Fear of not being liked
Fear of embarrassment
Fear of being ridiculed
My podcast show can be found here:
www.social-anxiety-solutions.c...
or type in "Social Anxiety Solutions" in Itunes or Stitcher radio, or... use this link:
itunes.apple.com/podcast/soci...
Warm regards,
Sebastiaan

Пікірлер: 432

@Social-anxiety-solutions 4 ай бұрын

Want to overcome your Social Anxiety without awkwardly facing your fears? Start with the FREE "7 Secrets to Social Confidence "Mini Course! Bonus: Get a 22 minute Transformation Video to instantly reduce your Social Anxiety! Sign up and begin reducing your Social Anxiety today! bit.ly/socialconfidencenow

@gonkerr 5 жыл бұрын

I feel like I can’t make eye contact and focus on what they’re saying at the same time

@rainworldfan7757 5 жыл бұрын

Christian Kerr has hdmfjdxjktifhdsame It feels like it's taking all of my will to look them in their eyes so there's none left over to pay attention to what they're saying

@peachloverboii1025 5 жыл бұрын

That’s what i felt 😭

@manjy5927 5 жыл бұрын

That is so true

@Levy122 4 жыл бұрын

Same, I usually just look down

@nammoadiaphat4907 4 жыл бұрын

You guy are so lamentable, i love you GUYS*loudly saying*

@MichaelBrown-re2hz 6 жыл бұрын

I feel the most akward when I'm listening to someone. I have a slightly hard time focusing on what their saying already because I feel like its usually not truly grabbing my interest but when I try to make enough eye contact to make it seem like I'm truly interested and present I have an even harder time focusing on what their saying...then I feel like they can totally tell that I'm not that interested in what they're saying even though I am trying to be and like they can tell I'm feeling akward and the snowball just rolls on lol

@gelo2415 5 жыл бұрын

immerse yourself so much into the present moment that you don't allow your mind to like or dislike anything.

@ridarza 5 жыл бұрын

BRO THIS IS MEEEE!! i noticed tho that that little uncomfortable feeling that comes up when trying to go eye contact, it actually comes up for a reason. it calls for your attention. so as much as you ‘try’ and be present this’ll continue to happen, until it gets its attention

@ipown1 5 жыл бұрын

Michael Brown same problem 😪

@kang6914 5 жыл бұрын

Yeah I get extremely uncomfortable around people and sometimes when I'm making eye contact while talking to someone around other people, my eyes start to blink uncontrollably and I feel extremely awkward and I have to look away or put my head down. Social anxiety has literally ruined my life. When I know company is coming over the house, I get extremely nervous and I try to stay in my room to avoid them. What the fuck is wrong with me why can't I just be normal.

@ridarza 5 жыл бұрын

TFL Man, bro this is exactly how I felt for such a long time! I felt COMPLETELY Alienated, I felt less bcs I couldn't do this simple fukn eye contact, I just wanted to be like everyone else!! I had this going for.. Iguess I wanna say 4 years w today. But today I am in a different place. There's answers bro, question it until ur answers get solved. U'll soon come to find out why you go thru what you go thru &find answers to ur problems

@heartphoria 7 жыл бұрын

i feel weird and i think that the person that's looking at me could see what i'm thinking through my eyes (weeeird right?) and i try not to make eye contact. i feel like im the only one

@tomuil7739 7 жыл бұрын

ღ Monnatic ღ nope, you're not the only one. I always looked away when I talk to people and then they never talked to me again😅

@senuayana5212 6 жыл бұрын

You are not the only one

@jc3858 6 жыл бұрын

I think the same and it's with nearly everyone

@teomesay7024 6 жыл бұрын

So glad I found this! I've been so afraid to even verbalize this but this is exactly how I feel. It's gets worse the more I think about it and then I don't know where to look.

@radar0412 5 жыл бұрын

You're not the only one. Its not a desired way to feel. No answers though. Keep asking questions and let me know if someone has good advice. I can't concentrate on the guy in the video.

@vibejit1403 6 жыл бұрын

I feel like people get intimidated when you make eye contact

@Social-anxiety-solutions 6 жыл бұрын

That's possible. It's also possible they appreciate it. Or that they think nothing of it. Or that they're attracted to you. Or that you get their attention. Or that they're curious. Or etc.. It has a lot to do with what you expect. And how you feel. If you don't feel safe making eye contact and feel the other person is a potential threat to you (because he/she can reject you/make fun of you/hurt you/etc) you might as a defense take on a more aggressive look. Which may indeed intimidate. I used to want to look as tough as possible in my teens, so no one would dare mess with me. Some of this is conscious, most of it is subconscious.

@CS-cy1ig 6 жыл бұрын

same tho, I've been trying to work on looking people in the eye because i've never really done it, i never had friends as a kid and i was really isolated but anyway when i do it i feel like im doing it wrong or making myself seem creepy af

@alextint5987 4 жыл бұрын

That is the opposite for me. I feel intimidated with some people that have prominent gazes and I feel confortable with other kind of people. I feel this so intensely that I want to explode or disappear. Afortunately I only make eye contact to people that I know they make me feel comfortable, they will never judge me and I can be 100% myself in front of them. The ironic thing is that this kind of people that make me feel confortable are the 50% of the people who I know.

@gabrielguzman6018 3 жыл бұрын

@@alextint5987 prominent gazes

@dipeshtamang3764 3 жыл бұрын

I feel like they are scared

@Shaun_Remington869 6 жыл бұрын

fear of critism

@Matt-dd1zr 6 жыл бұрын

i've alway been afraid to look anyone in the eyes, even with my family. it just felt scary and i have no idea how to get rid of it. it's very difficult to even try and approach my crush because if you don't look her in the eyes, she might think you're not interested

@allluvin7977 5 жыл бұрын

Oh my God, I thought I was the only one that felt anxious even with family. I'm planning on telling them how I really feel because I'm tired of hiding it from my close family.

@allluvin7977 5 жыл бұрын

Though I'm afraid what they'll think of me after I get everything out of my chest..

@gabeitch4life 5 жыл бұрын

Mr. Swooprah I feel like I can see the evil side of them when I try to do eye contact, and I also don’t like doing eye contact with my family

@starrio713 4 жыл бұрын

So do I !!!

@rupalisahu3429 3 жыл бұрын

Same problem

@ViralKiller 6 жыл бұрын

people always say "lack of confidence low self worth etc" nope...I just don't like it..not because Im awkward..because they get awkward

@LunaWaves 6 жыл бұрын

Definitely is because i have like 0 confidence and 0 eye contact because i feel intimidated.

@kraniumdranium1364 6 жыл бұрын

Or stop lying and making excuses for yourself.

@yoneezy123 5 жыл бұрын

@@kraniumdranium1364 i dnt think its a confidence thing tho

@deutronomy1255 5 жыл бұрын

You think to much thats why

@user-wc7rl3gw5z 3 жыл бұрын

exactly

@vama497 5 жыл бұрын

I feel one of the reason is we feel that if they look into us and we into them, they would see every single flaw that we see in the mirror everyday.

@rezjxjs7548 5 жыл бұрын

Look inbetween the eyes, it works for me

@mercedezbenz5831 4 жыл бұрын

Exactly! I afraid if they look at me too long they'll notice how ugly I am or how drawn on my eyebrows are but in reality whether we make eye contact with them or not they're still going to look at us.

@rezjxjs7548 4 жыл бұрын

@@mercedezbenz5831 While looking at others, do you think they're ugly or their eyebrows are drawn out? No not really, you just look at them as for communication purpose, it's normal... If you don't see anything wrong with them, then they would have the same view as you too, 80% chance they wouldn't really judge you! And that's the problem with having social anxiety. You must look at people, it's you conversation, control it, they're talking to you, not anybody else, speak up and be assertive!!

@rezjxjs7548 4 жыл бұрын

You are no less than anybody, neither you gonna prove to anyone you worth it, you know you worth it... so go with the flow of life and eliminate those NEGATIVE thoughts!! Think POSITIVE!! Also of anybody say anything bad to you, smile and go on with life, you're no shorter, you are no lesser than that person neither that person is high or lesser than you. We're all humans, we're equal and that should be our view on life, if others thinks otherwise

@kiyokokallyn5411 3 жыл бұрын

And corona, lockdown, quarentine have gifted me more social anxiety

@marcelinod7189 3 жыл бұрын

I am actually experiencing this right now and having difficulties talking even to close family and friends. It suddenly popped out in my mind and now it became anxiety every time when having a conversation with someone. It's affecting my social life. I tried fighting it by looking into only the left or right eye alone and tried listening because I am really interested in the topic or subject. But I know that the person I am talking with noticed that. I also looked for tips and reasons like 70% listening and 30% eye contact. I tried. Even I am so interested in the conversation or topic.. every time I'm talking to someone; there is a sudden spark that will trigger this problem of having eye contact even though I am very confident in myself...I want to be fixed...Damn..

@Carlos-oi3tj 2 жыл бұрын

Same thing is happening with me now

@marija5916 4 жыл бұрын

I feel like a reason for the fear of eye contact may be like this fear of intimacy as well because even when it is a stranger you are creating a connection through eye contact..

@Earl_wolf 9 ай бұрын

Oh wow that explains my situation so well😂😂😂

@axlent123 4 күн бұрын

You are 16 and are figuring this thing out now??? You are blessed! Some of us 50 year olds are still learning!!!

@janereaction4799 6 жыл бұрын

For me, it’s not that I can’t make the eye contact. It’s that I don’t know how long to hold it for! Too short, and I feels like a flirty glance. Too long and it feels like you’re a creep! I can’t find that happy medium, so that’s why I avoid it as much as a I can.

@hibamousaid2119 5 жыл бұрын

That's exactly what I feel

@chrisez3188 5 жыл бұрын

This is exactly how I feel and I notice that days I’m just in complete autopilot I sometimes forget and become better able to hold a non-awkward conversation. DONT GET ME STARTED ON TALKING TO CUTE GIRLS THO I REACT LIKE A SITCOM NERD

@nikhilsajit8930 4 жыл бұрын

Bro same situation myself .when i saw your comment i feel like i am in heaven

@rossrobson6935 2 жыл бұрын

When you're having a conversation with someone maintain eye contact with them for around 3 seconds or so then look away for a second or 2 and repeat

@flakenbake01 6 жыл бұрын

The tapping thing worked! Thank you!

@milessatchwell6247 3 жыл бұрын

@Thunder 5 2 years late but worked for me

@Health_Fitness805 2 жыл бұрын

Hi, would you please share your testimonies. It would be of great help for a lot of us! Thanks!

@daphneblake8957 5 жыл бұрын

I work in customer service so I’m constantly looking at different faces, people, eyes every day. I try to focus on the conversation more than the eye contact and it really helps. Now and then I’ll look at them in the eyes to reassure them of my good intentions but sometimes it becomes too much to handle. Like someone will say “hi what’s specials do you have today?” And in my head I say “idk don’t look at me” 😂

@eclipseaaterminator8153 2 жыл бұрын

I used to be afraid of making eye contact until I found something out about myself. Usually when my mom or anyone makes a small conversation I wouldn’t really look them I the eyes (just quick glances). One day my mom started talking to me about something I was really really interested in and we had a whole conversation with eye contact and I didn’t even realize it. Now I’ve learned that I’m not hiding anything and I just practice with friends and it gets better.

@senseinuuh 2 жыл бұрын

Same thing. When something really interesting topic comes (very rarely tho) you just immediately look the person in the eyes

@lalaladoom 8 жыл бұрын

I still don't like making eye contact, I've found that looking at the tops of peoples noses makes them think that I'm making eye contact.

@spiritoutcast9087 7 жыл бұрын

lalaladoom That reminds me three years ago my teacher said he liked to look at people's hairlines instead of looking them in the eyes 😂

@radar0412 5 жыл бұрын

I approve.

@Midnight-xc3vc 4 жыл бұрын

Ohhh that's my words😂😂😂😂😂

@user-by2qm7mp2z 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you, will try)

@deathbrand5115 4 жыл бұрын

You’re so awesome, keep up the good work.

@farnaaz9998 Жыл бұрын

thank you so much for making such amazing videos. i never realised all these things about my self before. You have helped me alot discovering my inner problems .keep making such amazing videos .great job!!!!!

@hailandplaice 9 жыл бұрын

I think it is something quite primeval, i.e. if a dog thinks it has done something wrong, it will look away from you. In some disorders where you constantly think negatively of yourself or think you have done something wrong you thus look away constantly.

@estevansanz5478 7 жыл бұрын

the greatest info that i've ever had was with the Seans Shy Program (just google it) - I found it the no.1 idea i've followed.

@JEDAINW0RLDG3MER 5 жыл бұрын

I have eye contact problems with everyone not just girls. It’s like when I stare at any person it gets awkward... at least to me. I feel like when you stare at people for too long it gets uncomfortable. How long is much eye contact? I really can agree with some of the comments I’ve seen under the video as well as agree with the video itself. I believe the key to being able to look someone in the eye is having self-confidence in yourself, developing yourself, and being confident in yourself. The main cause of by some people may have eye contact problems is 1; they have something to hide. In other words they are either insecure about something about themselves and doubt themselves and drown themselves in negative thoughts. When you think positive about yourself and you’re confident about yourself you have nothing to hide. 2 is lack of social skills. Again this all implies with the self confidence I mentioned earlier, also 3 something that is the main cause is pornography. Let’s face it porn does more bad than good when it comes to socializing with people. When you fill these images in your head with all these pornographic images and videos it makes it awkward to socialize with anyone because your thoughts even though you may not actually feel sexually towards a person the lack of eye contact is due to wanting to avoid any type of sexual awkwardness with anybody even if you’re not actually attracted to the person. Additionally what porn does is it takes away the social feel of relationships and your thoughts are clouded with sex making it had to socialize or make eye contact with anyone. Porn does more harm than good. Instead you need to drop the porn and discipline yourself and challenge yourself to build relationships with women you are attracted to along with people in your daily lives.

@yanzanzz1289 4 жыл бұрын

One Mississippi, two Mississippi.... Stop at three Mississippi

@teamsters3967 4 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you post this

@rahima10503 5 жыл бұрын

I honestly dont know why it ' s such a big deal for me. Im generally just insecure about my eyes and thats why i can't look at people

@tgarry01 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. I watched your video this week. I have felt all of the things you mentioned. I am so happy you listed the reasons that eye contact has been so hard for me. I used your techniques. You changed my life practically overnight.

@Social-anxiety-solutions 6 жыл бұрын

Nice to hear it Thomas, you're putting in the effort you're getting the results. Keep up the good work

@Dibbz_TV Ай бұрын

You have no idea how much I needed to watch this.

@Social-anxiety-solutions Ай бұрын

Good to hear that, glad it's helpful :)

@Dibbz_TV Ай бұрын

@@Social-anxiety-solutions Thank you so much ❤️ 2024 has been rough for a recently social aware with ptsd. God bless

@Social-anxiety-solutions Ай бұрын

@@Dibbz_TV Sorry to hear that. Studies have shown that tapping is very effective for PTSD. Take care 🙏

@jonathanadams1064 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for helping me with this.

@faro99ru 6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much this is so helpful!

@JohnDoe-qq8et 8 жыл бұрын

To me, eye contact with other people is to intimidate or to seduce. emotional connection isn't all that it's cracked up to be. People relate it to some happily ever after fairy tale. All it really is, is looking for someone who will support you instead of threaten or harm you. In essence, life is about using things and people, and being used by things and people. These relate to survival and living. Survival deals with needs. Living deals with wants. You don't need emotional connection with others, especially if you've establish that connection with yourself. We are loved to learn how to love ourselves. We are taught so we can learn how to teach ourselves. Etc... It's really all about you. The problem is people work from the outside in, instead of the inside out. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, genuinely, so it is unconditional and unjudgemental. If you love yourself, it will overflow into how you interact with the world, and it will be genuine, rather than trying to fulfill someone else's expectations and standards they have for you.

@luxintra5335 6 жыл бұрын

What a materialistic cold dead philosophy you have. Do you really think life is just one big chemical reaction and accident? There is a higher purpose to life, beyond just survival.

@radar0412 5 жыл бұрын

Lol. Your post isn't helpful at all. Although it did provide me with a good laugh. Cheers Mate.

@sunntaiji 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this video.

@andreabarabas Жыл бұрын

This is extremely useful❤ thanks a lot!

@Awesome_Dreamer Жыл бұрын

I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢. Plz can we talk on this.

@biankavarnai2499 7 жыл бұрын

super helpful..omg this is like master video about treating it at home on a cool clever way..thnx soo so much

@JakeTheHappyGuy 7 жыл бұрын

Aya Maya judging by your profile picture you're beautiful so why do you struggle with eye contact? Not like you have any flaws to hide? Or maybe when you look at people they feel seduced?

@mommyrainbow8940 5 жыл бұрын

I was very confident in making eye contact before but because ive transfered to another country and i felt isolated i couldnt even makr eye contact even to my HUSBAND! It terrifies me alot to look at him for far too long and it depresses me a lot and its giving us problem. Everything seem so unreal.

@liddoliddo1326 3 жыл бұрын

I felt you on this one, I get sad when I know my boyfriend wants to keep eye contact and I am unable to sometimes because I overthink so much and get nervous about what he’s thinking about me.

@roshan8583 2 жыл бұрын

I am sorry for you I hope everything happen good in the future

@waseemkhalid5738 5 жыл бұрын

sometime i start getting headache while making eye contact and i look away .when i try to make eye contact while the other person is talking i have no idea what the other person is saying at that moment

@feriksadmadiredja765 7 жыл бұрын

you look so ease when speaking, I mean ur eyes contact. It's so inspirational that you share what you've been through. I wish I can get rid this social phobia (eyes contact problem particularly).

@Social-anxiety-solutions 7 жыл бұрын

You can. I have a free starter kit showing you how, teaching you EFT, guiding you through some experiences. Here's what a guy said about it "Hello Sebastian. Thanks to your advices and free stuff on website.I was able to reduce my SAD from 9/10 or sometimes 11/10 to about 4-5 on daily basis. I made some deeper work on my own and it helped me." You can get it here, which is a great first step: www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/social-anxiety-starter-kit/

@feriksadmadiredja765 7 жыл бұрын

Sebastiaan van der Schrier I've listened to your mp3 there in starter kit. it's a long journey and exhausting struggle. But it's so inspiring. thank you for your openness to share your experience and your encouraging talk. I will learn it.

@Social-anxiety-solutions 7 жыл бұрын

Enjoy the journey, it gets better from here on forward, enjoy each little improvement :-)

@hays76 4 жыл бұрын

Great video so far. For me, it's that I'm worried people will take my eye contact in the wrong way. Like aggressive or something. But a lot of this video still applies to me.

@plague74 2 жыл бұрын

Whenever I make eye contact with someone even if it was for a millisecond I feel like a forever of awkwardness

@ASMinor 5 жыл бұрын

I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my KZfaq channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates. 💙❤

@honeybwood 3 жыл бұрын

I love how you started this video! Good ethos haha

@aburhattar9753 2 жыл бұрын

I somehow forgot I have no problem in doing this, but thanks for reminding me I don't have trouble in making eye contact

@gandako5688 7 жыл бұрын

It's awkward and I start to cringe when it happens

@luciechase4556 7 жыл бұрын

I know people say it's awkward and how they hate making eye contact with people but I actually *can't*. Like I haven't made eye contact with someone for more than 30 seconds at the most. Today my instructor for a course told me to watch him do something to learn how to do it and then noticed how I wasn't really watching so he told me to look him in the eyes for 30 sec to show that I can listen but I *couldn't* do it. I couldn't look in his eyes and kept having to look away. I really hate this because now he probably thinks that I can't listen when really I just can't make eye contact.

@kalinaperie3798 2 жыл бұрын

It was scary because the first job interview I was at my boss was having a conversation with one of the other coworkers aswell, and I was very anxious and nervous to look them in the eye and then they asked if I was still interested and wanted to be there. Which scares me maybe people really thought I was not interested in what they had to say or I was bored which isn't the case.

@peaches9563 6 жыл бұрын

Wonderful. Thanks for sharing this.

@Thescorpian-ud8zu 2 жыл бұрын

Good vid thanks

@Trapezoidiqal_Q 5 жыл бұрын

The only time I make eye contact is when someone is staring at me all I do is stare back at them with a monotone face until they look away

@gd.523 3 жыл бұрын

Lol

@MyDoggiesABully 3 жыл бұрын

Swear I do the same thing 😭

@hahahahaahhahahaahah 6 жыл бұрын

you are so right

@tuna-2779 6 жыл бұрын

I got this from all the drugs i took. Now im overthinking where im looking how im standing everything when talking to people.

@devilsolution9781 6 жыл бұрын

tuna - Same, drugs made me aware of how much i was looking at someone, then i became aware of how normal or not it was, now i cant tell the difference. I maintain eye contact so they look away and then we both clap eyes on each other and it speeds up the process until they glance at me and look away. Its the same the other way around if i dont look at them and then they look at me and i look away first then so do they and eventually eye contact is avoided.....WTF is this???

@cassandraking8361 5 жыл бұрын

I dont know where to look either that's my issue!

@suleimalopez9599 5 жыл бұрын

Cassandra King what you mean u don’t know where to look if you don’t mind me asking

@liddoliddo1326 3 жыл бұрын

Ngl I love tripping but I feel like keeping eye contact has gotten harder for me after experimenting with psychedelics. I just feel like people can see through me a little more or like I get uncomfortable knowing they have their own conscious and are perceiving me in their own minds. Kind of weirds me out

@adammontemurro2225 3 жыл бұрын

@@liddoliddo1326 I feel like this being sober lol

@romanticopoeta7532 3 жыл бұрын

"I got that angry look soo i cant, people think i wanna fight them".

@wiseman5650 9 жыл бұрын

Hey, my story is very similar, as you mentioned how you felt around girls which you were attracted to, I had the same problems from age 16(I am now 21) and suffered so much thanks to my own negative beliefs which come from my past, childhodd, being bullied, not accepted by others, ashamed in front of other people, my dad didnt accept me as a child and I felt unacceptable for the reason that i am being just myself, I grew up thinking that other people are more worthy tham me, cause naturally something is wrong with me... I got to the point where I literally hated myself and it just got worse and worse...I had even suicidal thoughts.my so called friends made joke from me and i got more and more anxious...I knew(thought) that something is wrong with me and i tried almost everything...it began by the pua, what you are talking about... i was working days on myself to force these energies and make myself more acceptable by the mass... watching videos all the day and learning ankward pickup-lines....also visited psychologists more times and even took drugs becouse it was necessary... I am working on myself I think 5 years long, and the anxiety is still there. I got a supporting girlfriend who I know from the university what I started this year and we are together almost 8 months. I am so happy for that, but my confidence and self-esteem is so low becouse of my past... I always have the feelings of this "i am not worthy or good enough for other people and others are better than me" and I am so jealous in front of my girlfriend and I feel so much guilt, shame and distress among people in social interractions, which I almost completely avoid... I have no friends just a girlfriend to talk to... I am so lonely and I feel so much anger looking back to my past... I feel angry with these people who injured me and made me insecure... I don't know where to begin.. I feel lost...at home my mother is always makes me feel guilty and angry and self destructive... I tried eft but i am a Christian and I am confused about this method. Is there any other method which can change my beliefs and cure the anxiety and the other bad feelings? I want to get rid of them becouse i want to live a full life, I think I suffered enough... My subconscious mind is that is telling me that i am not as worthy as others... I cant get rid of these feelings and beliefs and feel so confused now... I somehow trust you becouse we went trough similar things in our lives what i know of reading your story on your website. I feel so lost and powerless...where should I begin?

@hksdnwl 8 жыл бұрын

CBT :)

@antonioalmeida7108 7 жыл бұрын

Wise Man Hey, im 18 and looking really similar to you.. did you overcome it? Thank you.

@strykeplaysmcjohnpickhypix1205 6 жыл бұрын

Charisma on command will help

@carinengoma9521 2 жыл бұрын

You should meditate on the Word and verses that speak of God's love for you and confess it out loud whenever these thoughts occur to you. Don't give up even if it looks like it hasn't worked. Categorically refuse to accept that you are not good enough. These thoughts must be silent and you must take authority over them. Insist and persist, God loves you and you have your place on this earth. No one can do what you are placed on earth to, except you. That's why you're so special. You have to accept that you are loved. Hope this message can help someone. God bless you❤️❤️❤️

@mianriaz9157 2 жыл бұрын

U are a different teacher. I am a univerisity student. I found my ideal in u . I have no words for u.

@planetduh 5 жыл бұрын

I have been stuck with this eye contact fear for a long time over 18 years. Frigging nightmare. If I get caught unawares I look like a deer in headlights. So I am always conscious of eye contact to cope and control. It's so exhausting.

@ferozreviews 2 жыл бұрын

You are not alone in this. I hope you are doing better now. It's 3 years later. Eye contact is merely a side effect/symptoms of limiting thoughts and beliefs.

@annatiger7540 2 жыл бұрын

Man I’ve been feeling so confident like an alpha when I stare at people right in the eye, most of them looked down after few seconds but few of the people kept looking at me back without looking away so I had to look away

@G36Jeff 7 жыл бұрын

Amazing video. This helps me so much. Thank you so much. I just hate going to a therapist.

@G36Jeff 7 жыл бұрын

I'm new to u. I'm reading some comments. Going to start reading up. Again thank you

@missybutcher 8 жыл бұрын

seems like you don't know how big phobia may be eye contact. when your face start to blush as a beet, just because someone glance at you(even a child!!), and you feel so big terrible shame that you even hear a blood preasure comming up, and only one wish - to escape, to run or to die. - you really dont know about eye-contact phobia (( and there is NO explanatio WHY it happens. no reason to blush, but you blush. and I dont know how to get rid of it.

@nathanswindell2552 8 жыл бұрын

You are blushing because you are afraid to blush. That is the reason. If you didn't care if you blushed, you wouldn't. You have attached a negative meaning to your blush that you are inferior or people can see who you really are ect...Ask yourself WHY am I inferior, what happened in my past that I am so ashamed of? why is it not okay for me to blush? Why am I not okay?Once you get your answers tap on the events and your blushing won't be painful anymore.

@missybutcher 8 жыл бұрын

easy to say!!!!!!!!!!!!

@user-vs8nu8id5q 6 жыл бұрын

missybutcher this happens to me

@mayanksoni543 6 жыл бұрын

missybutcher same with me

@priyankahv6788 6 жыл бұрын

missybutcher I have the same problem. Its getting worse day by day

@mostwanted610 6 жыл бұрын

Helped me a lot... god bless u..

@gesine1 5 жыл бұрын

Thanks a million for these videos Sebastiaan.

@alihaideriqbal1205 2 жыл бұрын

Bro you really really really help me to change my life you are the first one who help me to diagnose my problem to the point and I over come my problem brother I have no other thing to do but thanks with big respect.

@goodvibes1088 2 жыл бұрын

How brother help me

@Health_Fitness805 2 жыл бұрын

Would you share your testimony please!

@goodvibes1088 2 жыл бұрын

@@Health_Fitness805 brother do you have the same problem?

@Health_Fitness805 2 жыл бұрын

@@goodvibes1088 Hey! I'm so glad you replied brother! Yes I do 😐

@goodvibes1088 2 жыл бұрын

@@Health_Fitness805 same brother this sucks

@familyguy6668 4 жыл бұрын

Thank you ❤

@scouseshamrock2513 4 жыл бұрын

It just totally freaks me out to a stage my anxiety kicks in it feels personal to me to hold eye contact and feels like you are looking deep into my soul, because when I look someone in the eyes I can have a good reading on that person weather they are evil,peaceful, or a all round nutcase, I just don’t know how people do it

@xedittzx9207 5 жыл бұрын

i have this problem from probably 8-9 years old and i went to an acting class that helped me a little with this problem but i still have this weird feeling whenever i talk to someone like i’m afraid to look them in the eyes .I still can’t understand why i have this problem so i hope i’ll someday overcame this

@kalinaperie3798 2 жыл бұрын

"You have something to hide " Pulls a gun from my sweater.

@downthehill2896 2 жыл бұрын

😭

@bruggesfc 4 жыл бұрын

Turned the volume up 100% almost heard ya!!!

@trishanpreetsingh8399 3 жыл бұрын

Litteraly same problem sir i am having and loooking for answers many palces thx for ending my journey 🤗🧡 thx a lot

@Social-anxiety-solutions 3 жыл бұрын

Glad that you liked the video, Trishnan! We are happy to help you on your journey 💪🏻 - Mae (Team Social Anxiety Solutions)

@matilahnak6423 6 жыл бұрын

thanks, now I know what my problem is, Im in emotional Trouble for A long time, and i try to find out what happens to my feelings because it make effect to my daily life harder.

@senaorsel 2 жыл бұрын

I thought it is just me but now I realize that a lot of people have same problem so I am so happy to find this video I feel more normal now

@Social-anxiety-solutions 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Sena, This is Mae from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. Yes, I agree with you. You are not alone! We are here to help you :) Please let us know if you have any questions by sending them to our email at socialanxietysolutionsva@gmail.com Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Thanks, Mae (Team SAS)

@ymenace5024 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@lailaplaysdbd4004 2 жыл бұрын

I'm comfortable making eye contact with family members and close friends, but I can't master it well with teachers, strangers, etc. It's embarrassing because I'm 18. I haven't even scheduled an appointment yet over the phone. 😌

@oliverrosck996 2 жыл бұрын

I'm 18 too and I have this problem. My guess is that I feel like they are going to think I am weird or something if I stare at them too long and also I went through some things in my life that made me have social anxiety. I guess it takes therapy to fix social anxiety and eye contact issues which I should be starting soon. I hope it works.

@nusratiqbal9187 Жыл бұрын

Same thing happens to me I am 15, it started happening out of the blue whenever I make eye contact with any teacher during lectures I feel uncomfortable, I would blink thousand time in the matter of a few seconds if i make eye contact, i would stare at the table and listen to the lectures. It is just popping in my mind that the teachers would think me I am weirdo or something like that

@alphine7412 3 жыл бұрын

I forget words or even the topic on which i was about to speak if i try to make eye contact

@alex03er47 4 жыл бұрын

I have a staring problem and I feel like I’m seen as a creep. I’m always looking everywhere like if I’m paranoid. I think Im paranoid that some is judging me and I’m trying to look at their facial expression for signs, but I’m not surr

@harshitsangwan890 3 жыл бұрын

Do you have OCD ?

@70X1CW4S7E 4 жыл бұрын

I absolutely hate making eye contact with people, It for me it is something that gives me major anxiety. The longest I can look at some one in the eye is about 3 seconds then I either look at there mouth or some random place infront of me for maybe 20 seconds then it’s just a cycle. Honestly I didn’t think it was a problem until some one asked me why I wouldn’t look at them.

@richiecerv5682 Жыл бұрын

For me lately its been more ( i think) my teeth, i have a few missing and when i try to talk to people i feel their whole attention is on it. Also i tend to focus on peoples teeth too and then i look away even tho there's a convo going on.

@yemaneabraham1752 6 жыл бұрын

Great vid

@clipdrift 7 жыл бұрын

hey i have been struggling with something for a while and thats eye contact in normal life situations EXCEPT when you are talking to people. like waiting in a room, walking pass people. i never seem to know where to look...

@POLOAZTECA 2 жыл бұрын

I do suffer from social anxiety... I didn't even know about it! People mentioned one or twice My weird behavior of nervousness... But at that time I didn't know it was an actual issue or illness! It hit Me years later! Now I know that behavior was due to social anxiety! But the reason I don't look at people in the eyes is not because I feel intimidated... Rather I don't want to intimidate them...

@SMSami-uq2my 3 жыл бұрын

I've a another problem i generally look into people's leaps while talking

@user-lynKx 4 жыл бұрын

I just hate it when I'm wondering my eyes off to the ceiling, I sigh, I look to the ground, and all of a sudden, once I look forward, someone across the room turns towards me and I just look gay when I see them for one second. I turn away almost immediately and completely awkwardly but that makes me look like I like the person I just took one tiny ass glance at. It's WEIRD. Like, no! No! What else am I supposed to do!? Look at them for another three seconds!?

@Social-anxiety-solutions 3 жыл бұрын

Tune in every 1st Saturday of the month (4PM GMT+2) as I coach a socially anxious volunteer live! 👉 bit.ly/socialanxietylive Witness how #socialanxiety can be neutralized using the power of #EFT #Tapping technique. Observe, #tapalong and reduce your own social anxiety! Check out the replay of last month's live session here 👉 kzfaq.info/get/bejne/sK10hdekxNy6ZoU.html

@tay4518 7 жыл бұрын

I think its because I'm a socially awkward person. And I think my attention span is short, by the way Thanks you so much for this video I'm only 7 minutes through and I already like it, can't wait to learn more from your other socially anxiety video

@Social-anxiety-solutions 4 жыл бұрын

Want to massively reduce your social anxiety while in quarantine? -> Join the FREE 30 day Social Confidence Challenge - from the comfort of your own home (bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge) Hi, my name is Seb. I’m a former social anxiety disorder sufferer, the host of a popular podcast show (Social Anxiety Solutions) and a social confidence coach. Since 2009 I’ve helped hundreds of socially anxious clients feel calm, comfortable and at ease socially. I’m in (symptomless) self-quarantine. And I got inspired by people like the quarantined Italians singing from their balcony. And well, I’ve got a lot of time on my hands now… Anyway, I decided I could help by creating a free 30 day Social Confidence Challenge for all of you who suffer from social anxiety. Because what a perfect opportunity this is to reduce your social anxiety! Now the mainstream belief is that the only way to do this is to change your thoughts, and force yourself to face your fears. Since this didn’t work for me (I’ll share more in the challenge) I had to find alternative ways. And eventually, I created a different approach. My approach builds on the foundation of traditional Western psychology, but adds a very important component: Addressing the EMOTIONAL SIDE of your social anxiety issue. While I will help you change your mindset, and while facing your fears is included, I go about it in a much less stressful, and far more effective way. How? You face your fears internally. And then you release them. For this, we use a powerful, scientifically proven to be effective emotional release technique. Details about the technique and how to use it to overcome social anxiety is beyond the scope of this brief message. This is what the 30-day challenge is for. I’ve used this technique to overcome my own social anxiety, and use it as my main technique to help my clients. With this approach, you will chip away at your social anxiety issues. And you do this mostly from the comfort of your own home. So that once the virus is under control and we’re able to go out again, you can do so with less social anxiety, and more confidence and ease. Sound good? You can register here: bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge On that page, you’ll see a short video of me explaining what to expect, some video testimonials from former clients who overcame their SA using this approach, and of course… you get to join! Hope to see you there. Seb

@JC-ce8uw Жыл бұрын

I feel awkward because I feel like I'm looking into their soul. Especially when they're coming across me on the road or the tube.

@PsychoDude 3 жыл бұрын

I just feel like eye contact is when im in love or do freaky stuff not in regular conversations

@alexharo2160 5 жыл бұрын

I tend to automatically look at the mouth area making people uncomfortable and making me look more awkward

@reverser1184 3 жыл бұрын

I feel attacked. 😂✨

@Kingdomchild_5367 5 жыл бұрын

If anyone lives in London and is going through this I really want to see you face to face and have a conversion!!

@side-eyewarrior823 4 жыл бұрын

Eseosa Osagiede I live near London and I'm having this issue. It came from abandonment and scapegoating by my family. While I'm thriving, I look good and live a pretty good life, I still struggle with looking people in the eye because I'm afraid they'll see that I'm 'unlovable' and abandon me too. Pretty messy, but I've finally figured it out.

@Kingdomchild_5367 4 жыл бұрын

@@side-eyewarrior823 where about do you live?

@Kingdomchild_5367 4 жыл бұрын

@NordicOnur Honca east London (canning town)

@Jobiechiasson 2 жыл бұрын

Whenever I lock eyes with someone while I’m speaking, I completely lose my train of thought and my mind goes blank.

@Social-anxiety-solutions 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Jobie, Sam here from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. Sebastiaan frequently receives this concern and so he prepared a response for me to send. Here it goes: -- Question: I find it hard to maintain eye contact while anxious. Why is that? Answer: Eye contact issues often have to do with shame and feeling that you have to hide particular parts of yourself that you don’t want other people to see. After all, if they really look in your eyes, they could see what you’re trying to hide. You can ask yourself: “What am I trying to hide?” “What is it that I don’t want others to find out about me?” There might be something going on in your life right now that you’re ashamed of. Or, there might be something when you were younger that caused you shame. It might be from right now, or when you’re age 5 or 10. It could also be both. --- Hope this helps. If not, feel free to reply back and I will be happy to have Seb address any clarifying questions you have. Thank you! Sam (Team SAS)

@djstatikdnb 9 жыл бұрын

What do you think about social anxiety been a biochemical disorder Sebastiaan? Do you think that our Serotonin, GABA levels have a part to play with social anxiety and things like eye contact etc. Im assuming they must to because drugs that effect your brain chemistry do work even if its for a short time and with other side effect. Do you know how tapping would relate to this?

@Social-anxiety-solutions 2 жыл бұрын

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@sherminatorex 2 жыл бұрын

i don't even know what's my biggest secret people shouldn't know about me... really nothing come up to my mind, i'm just scared of being bullied or humiliated or feeling stupid that's all, i'm tired of this shit

@dropsmic3224 6 жыл бұрын

I’m like this allot recently since moving too the uk from a small island I thought I would stop being anxious but now when I accidentally make eye contact with someone I just freeze or go scatty move my head too fast or I dunno it’s just weird I hate it and my heart just thumps and I get horrible butterflies :’(

@fiqwenz2393 2 жыл бұрын

I want to laugh if i make eye contact with someone😂 I CANT CONTROL IT

@Catakuri9 2 жыл бұрын

U know when he stare at you u know its over

@Social-anxiety-solutions 2 жыл бұрын

bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge Want to massively reduce your social anxiety from the comfort of your own home for FREE? Then join the next 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge! bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge You'll receive the best of my work delivered through short daily emails & videos. • Release your fear, shame, and insecurity through powerful tap-along videos • Discover the 5 stages and 21 milestones on the journey to social confidence • Boost your self-esteem and finally stop beating yourself up Ready to feel less anxious, and more at confident, in just 1 month? Then join thousands of others on the #JourneyToSocialConfidence. We begin on January 1st, 2022. And when you join our worldwide social confidence community today you'll receive the optimal preparation for the challenge. Get started on your #JourneyToSocialConfidence by going to: bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge

@kavyalakshmi5300 Жыл бұрын

I am not able to look at other's eyes. I always escape from others and is afraid to talk to others. I does meditatio, yoga but no results.

@Awesome_Dreamer Жыл бұрын

I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢. Plz can we talk on this.

@juliama7992 3 жыл бұрын

I really feel that they think I'm week that's because i can't look into their eyes, like they feel superior through my "weakness" and can say or do whatever they want to me cause of my shyness

@nothere3982 3 жыл бұрын

Mine is a mixture of not trusting and not having self esteem.

@meikvo 5 жыл бұрын

When i talk with people, i stare for like 5-10 seconds then without noticing i just look somewhere else while talking. And when people stare at me to make eye contact i just look for like 3 seconds then dont. Because i just can't, it's hard.

@Romeo-le2ez 3 жыл бұрын

That's completely normal, lol.

@meikvo 3 жыл бұрын

@@Romeo-le2ez Yeah, 2 years later i figured that out.

@Illumination70 3 жыл бұрын

When I was growing up, I received angry/ judgemental looks in response to my eye contact.

@Social-anxiety-solutions 5 ай бұрын

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@bidandaimari8435 5 жыл бұрын

i run out of words... feels weired having nothing to say

@johnbotelho3453 5 жыл бұрын

Lol job interviews are the worst 😂

@Troelslychau 9 жыл бұрын

I have a kind of weird eye contact problem still, for example i did a dating bootcamp, and we were to sit at a table, with 5 people or something, and i first noticed feeling very very anxious, i was sweating very intensely, and i could only hold eyecontact, for a short period, and if there was more than one looking at me at the time, i didn't know what to do, and so i kept looking people in the eyes shortly, and then i looked away, and the next day, because there was this guy, who actually confronted me with my problem, and he was kind of annoyed in a way, and he told that i had to learn how to keep eyecontact with other people, and i thought i had been staring at him or something, and he was like " what the fuck you barely had eyecontact with me" hehe that is my experience with it really weird and frustrating as hell. hehe

@lucyii 8 жыл бұрын

+Troels Lychau :(

@Troelslychau 8 жыл бұрын

+Lucy Alice Whitten ...

@oyu7141 5 жыл бұрын

Troels Lychau Iknow that feelings n I’ve been going through that soul sucking stuff for a couple of years now

@feliciafacci9682 2 жыл бұрын

whenever I make eye contact with somebody I get panicked and my face turns completely red. It’s completely embarrassing and hard to deal with because now that it happened a couple of times it’s hard for it not to happen anymore. Hopefully the tips will help ne