Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach Every situation. That’s why I wear shades. It looks good, and I don’t have to look at people in their eyes. Looking at people in their eyes make me feel disgusted. I know people too well, and I don’t want to look at them.

I'm problem is that I look into people's eyes

It's extremely awkward for me in most social situations. My eyes either start to blink uncontrollably or I just can't look in someone's eye's for too long and I feel like they can tell I'm uncomfortable it's so exhausting for me. Any time company comes over the house I get extremely anxious about it. Social anxiety has ruined my life. I can't just be normal like everyone else. My body language is awkward.

TFL Man SAME...I keep to myself 99% of the time and stay in my comfort zone which makes social interactions even harder

I feel problem when we have meeting/discuusion in office.because of this i cnt even listen them them properly

Same here. We’ll get through this!!

I have this problem too, please tel how you running and managing with this problem

@@charlottes1747 how ¿ Help me kindly

I sometimes feel akward/shy talking to my dad. It's so frustrating

@@reyysh I’m not exactly sure, but one thing I’ve been doing is staring at people’s forehead instead of their eyes since I don’t think they can tell a difference.

So true. It's debilitating. :(

Same same same...where we could be enjoying with our friends.... instead we r battling this shit out fr no reason:(

i .. dont . u r just overreacting cuz i know for a fact if its a good friend he wouldnt leave u for such a thing and else try to help or just at least not bother by it

@@hamzagameplayer nah obviously you dont know what its like so quit talking

Yes it's true i lost my precious moment in my life and also have fear to take with others

Me too ..very badly i hve d same issue

Same here

Lol.. me too

I GOT RID OF MY SOCIAL ANXIETY!!! Guys, in 4-6 months I got COMPLETELY rid of the fucking debiliating feeling that «made me» either fucking lose my train of thought or look away and act WEIRD, using SUBLIMINALS(i think) I would really like you to look into it AND LISTEN TO ELDON TYLOR’s PODCASTS ABOUT SUBLIMINALS. Give it a shot, invest 20$, JUST GIVE IT A TRY for 90-120 days! (Look into Subliminals about self esteem, thats whats helped me at least!!)

I've been investigating best natural remedy for shyness and discovered a fantastic website at Seans Shy Program (check it out on google)

Yup that's anxiety

lol yeah I got the same problem. I always think I’m intimidating ppl lol people seem to get offended when I look at them in the eyes

you are not weird if you do this

metoo

@@mitchelljames4538 same. I looked at my mothers eyes like 2 days ago and she has beem tru alot in life, shes emotionally damaged, and when i saw her eyes, looking at me with love, and me feeling nothing when i looked at her, i just had to break it, cause u can see the pain in ppls eyes, and i felt guilty for some reason. I feel guilty because i feel like i cant rly see other people, and their lives, i think im selfish, and awlward, and kinda insane in the head, so i just cant look at peoples eyes and connect with them. Idk

That can be a problematic way to go through life. Unfortunately, it's a big part of non-verbal communication. I'd definitely recommend working on it rather than avoiding it if you can

Same here bud

Same.....I hate it too.... and this happens mostly at teenage

@@harsiddhigase5130 true

I've been suffering all my life, I'm 60 next month and almost happy that I'm getting near the finish line.

Now *these* types of comments are what make reading them BEYOND worth it, in the first place, for me.

Is it worked

@@gratemind2003 i think it will

I will try this

@@ayopollo same

Pray to in jesus name

Bruh same isha

Woah, same!

I had the same thing. Everytime i felt a little bit anxious and then i ackowledged my heartbeat racing and i just panicked. This video changed my perspection on that: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/kM-UetKrqc6zmps.html

I agree it's horrible but there's usually a reason why SAD occurs. For me it was genetic and family + social conditioning

Alike to 'oversharing'. An older collegue asked me 2 days ago if I was ok - the short answer is that I'm dealing with a lot of thoughts on my own, but I don't share it very well... if I stopped and asked for that level of eye contact by just making it, it wouldn't be comfortable, and perhaps be offputting for him to see what I'm seeing in myself. I feel like exposure therepy (for a lack of a better term) is the right method - any time you make eye contact, make at least one push to maintain it even when you're unnerved by it. Willpower will create your habbit - you'll become more confident, and more durable in conversations.

You have schizophrenia

I recently worked with a client who had the same problem. They could only go out at night and even then only with sunglasses on. Through gentle, gradual exposure, they cut down to just wearing clear (non-magnified) eyeglasses, and then to walking around busy places in the daytime with "naked eyes" (i.e,. no eyewear at all). It can definitely done. But it takes gentle, gradual exposure as well as some exploration of the reasons behind the fear of eye contact (i.e. bullying which left the sufferer feeling subordinate and not able to make direct eye contact etc.). Eye contact is directly related to our primate brain and our understanding of power and subordination. Once you begin to feel less inferior/submissive/subordinate to others, I have found that the ability to meet them with equal, steady eye contact also comes. It's my experience that with the right mental approach, consistent, gradual, structured exposure, the safety devices of tinted and then clear eyeglasses can gradually be cast off.

Or now with mask I feel more confident

Me too.. I make people so uncomfortable cause my eyes start going everywhere or if I’m passing someone I know I guess I creep them out because I look at them because idk if I’m supposed to or not but if I’m not aware of it I can naturally be free

Same here, I feel more comfortable if I'd wear transitions but it would be be weard if we wear at night time if we go out in public. I noticed that too or it's all in my mind 😣

@@anneneville6255 wow 😮 you are doing the same as Im doing on daily basis. I we should create a group or community so we could discuss further about similar experience

All luvin started happening to me recently and i'm à mess...its like à higher notch to my shyness

@@heiresslaite2950 I don't know if I should be thanking God but I'm glad I'm not alone. Honestly, I lied to myself that I would tell them but I haven't yet for fear they might think I'm weird or judge me.You know what I mean? It sucks that it's happening to the both of us.

We are not alone..there are actually à lot of pple going through this.i once read à newspaper letter where à girl writes about how shy she is of her own brother.. for me it has been on and of until now. This is the worst épisode yet..i'm trying to find the root since its récent. Will share with you to find the solution..lets bé strong..i believe we r actually one of the best pple is y

Its hard thinking they know my secret and wondering why..i have also thought of telling people or family or à family member...that way you Will shut out the over thinking and adapt à new routine

@@heiresslaite2950 Please do tell me otherwise I gotta get enough courage to tell my family what's going on which I'm very afraid to do.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm in the same boat. I didn't even realise I couldn't look people in the eyes until a couple months ago. The only person I can look in the eyes is my daughter. Working on it, I think this will improve my life more than I'd imagine. How has this gone for you? Any better?

I’m damn near 40 and I just recently realized that you’re supposed to look ppl in their eyes lol. So don’t feel too bad you’re ahead of me.

Growing up I was thought is disrespectful to look ur elders in d eyes while talking

the cure kzfaq.info/get/bejne/qN2TfsWSm9HdeKs.htmlsi=FFOdUcvCy3lmbEyn

Mandalay Gray man I feel sorry for a whoever famous Person with anxiety. The struggles they must endure.

You don't need to maintain eye contact to the interviewer the whole time you know that would just be weird, look at them in the eye few seconds then look somewhere else for a second or two and repeat

Does not nodding out keeping you he head up and walking mg past still awkward?

@@bri7625yes bro that’s weird

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/j9iDf7J52ZnZoo0.html

It’s like you taking every thought from my head . Wow

Yep. We think we're the only ones, but we're all thinking the same way!

@@KingBoxingandFitness Well, I have been truly working on my eye contact and I noticed what has helped me is every 3 seconds look up when I'm talking, not to the left or right but up like the ceiling. I have learned a lot of myself in this time, I realized that most people are uncomfortable with eye contact UNLESS they are attracted to you or very comfortable around you. I also realized that most people won't hold eye contact while talking, I use to just hold eye contact for way too long, because I would naturally try and read people or really listen attentively to what they are saying. I am convinced now that most people are just uncomfortable with standard eye contact with strangers, however I have been told that I have a very domineering presence about me which can have its pros and cons. I genuinely consider myself to be a good person and try to be respectful to everyone yet people's perception of me is kind of negative based purely on my looks, so that can be difficult when you're trying to communicate with someone. Although, I am comfortable with who I am and even though I recognize that I have strange quirks or mannerisms I accept and cherish my uniqueness. 😀 I will say that I have been focusing a lot on how I approach communication with people and have actually added to my friend group because of it. I am happy to say that I have added 3 new friends and it's been really fun, it has helped out a lot with any social anxiety and it pushes me to try and make more social acquaintances. Overall, here is what helped me a lot. 1) Just start meeting new people, go out more often as much as possible. You can't practice what works if you're not going out. This is by far one of the most important things that I had to work on, I've been going everywhere just to enjoy myself and even getting new fun experiences, parks, beaches, malls, shopping, libraries, clubs, bars, coffee shops, etc. (Whenever I use to get Fastfood, I would take it home to eat, now I actually order and sit in the store to eat which can bring some good conversations with strangers) 2) Wear un-intimidating clothing, if you dress too extreme you might not get the attention you are looking for unless you want to attract a specific kind of individual. 3) Wear any article of clothing with something that you like, music bands, characters, movies, art, etc. Some people will naturally gravitate towards you and ask you a question or be intrigued by what you are wearing ESPECIALLY if they're into the same thing. 4) Be honest, surprisingly, honesty has been such a helpful tool for me to make friends and even talking to people. Tell them that you're terrible at communicating with people but that you want to get better at it and that sometimes you get a bit shy and don't know what to say. You'd be surprised how many people will understand AND actually appreciate your honesty; you'll even be shocked by how many people can relate. 5) Try to be funny, don't focus too much on trying to make an impression or trying to impress but instead don't take yourself too seriously and be sure to not be scared to poke a little fun of yourself. (ex. If I were lost and asked for directions, I would tell the person that I was always getting lost because I'm terrible with directions, but I would always have a good day because I would end up having a good experience.) 6) Exchange social media, personally, I don't like social media, but I understand that it plays an important role in our lives. Sometimes, if I'm feeling brave enough, I'll ask those whom I met and had a good conversation with for their social media or even mine if they want to add me. 7) When someone makes eye contact with you from afar it usually is a good sign, the more times they do the better it is! I use to see someone look at me and I'd quickly look away but now if I notice someone staring at me, I'll say hello and if they say hello back, I will begin to engage in a conversation with them. 8) Smile every so often, but not too much, lol if you make eye contact with someone, smile and say hello. If you're too serious, you could come off as intimidating, personally I don't have a great smile BUT I noticed that whenever someone makes eye contact and I smile and say hello they usually look at me again later which is my cue to start a conversation with that person. Sometimes the conversations go well. 9) Don't linger, sometimes if a conversation goes stagnant, not a big deal, some conversations just never go past small talk. Just excuse yourself and focus on something else. You have to learn to read. 10) Introduce yourself, when a conversation is going well, just a pure introduction can help a person come to ease and help with conversation. Anyway, this is all that I could think about at the moment but they have been ESSENTIAL in helping me establish better connections with people and expanding my really small friend group. I am in a really happy spot with my life, and I noticed that a lot had to do with the lack of socialization that I had. Now I have some friend outings to go to in the next coming weeks which I look really forward to. I hope this helped you as much as it helped me! Don't worry, I think you will do good, believe me I struggled ALL MY LIFE with making friends and socializing, I'm middle aged so it's never too late. Best of luck.

@@Tarantula_Fangs Spot on, think once I isolated for so long it hindered my social skills (mostly eye contact). Tbh I actually like to generate conversation but then I get overwhelmed w/breathing and eye contact. It’s most certainly been the biggest challenge of my life (also public speaking). But it’s also brought out some good. Can’t focus solely on the negative. Thx

Awwe man, so sorry you get wrongly judged simply because of an eye contact situation. I guess one way you can empower yourself in a situation like this is to remember its your intention that matters and makes you who you are, not what they think of you. So if you are uncomfy about eye contact in a situation (when it isn't even necessary to begin with- like in the case of random passer by etc) remind yourself that your intentions aren't to be racist or hurt anyone, its just for your mental health's sake that you are avoiding eye contact, and that's alright. You aren't obligated to making eye contact with everyone around and it doesn't make you a bad person. Lord knows your intentions and that's all that matters. People who judge you are just judgy. Especially if all you do is not make eye contact, you aren't even causing harm either so their judgement is really their personal perspective, you're good no worries. May Allah make life easier for all of us #Peace 🙌🏻

How’s life been for you lately? Praying for you

We are the same bro, i had social anxiety quit early in my life and i hadnt been with a girl or in a relationship for serveral years, it hurts bro but im way better than before😢

Thanks for the comment James

@@TheSocialAnxietyCoach i have no problem with strangers , but have with someone i know

@@rajeevarts398 do you fancy them?

Me too. Then I start looking around. Then I worry that I’m looking around too much so I look back. Then I think I look like a crazy person 😂. I don’t know why it stresses me out so much 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks for your comment Cris. So do you feel you have social anxiety? Because it sounds more like misanthropy. In a similar way, my girlfriend is cynical of most people and has no interest in speaking to them. She's just introverted and mildly misanthropic. She doesn't have any anxiety about interactions and doesn't avoid them out of fear.

Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach I do have social anxiety that I have panic attack when I see people, especially going to a tall building for some sort of corporate interview. I don’t give a crap about their rank or status but I just have panic attack when I am going to meet people. Not submissive but the usual thing with panic attack.

Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach I’m not introverted or extroverted, just middle, but I hate people, have panic attack/heart racing and blurry mind/froze whenever I have to go to corporate building. I’m in Asia, and I dislike Asian culture and crammness, and the lack of personal space. It all adds up.

You have issues.

I think your problem is that you might think you are dominant. But instead you might just be aggressive or arrogant. This could be a defensive approach you have created.

Thank you my man. I appreciate the comment

It really sucks having to worry about it everyday before going out in public

Yesss. You can do it!💪🏻💪🏻

Are you feeling any better now or is it still the same?? Because it's been almost 3 years i am dealing with this shit and still i can't get over this social anxiety.. help me please if you have any suggestion 🙏🏽

learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀

No problem. Hope it helped

Same, I’ve always been an outgoing person, then all of a sudden bam I can’t talk when I look someone in the eyes. Trust me I’ve tried every damn thing. If ur like me nothing will work. The best thing u can do in my opinion is to just ignore the problem and eventually U might forget abou it. If u have a solution lmk 😤

🙏*

The pandemic changed me too !! The fact that we had to wear masks I wasn’t used to it. And since all they could see were my eyes. I noticed people avoiding making eye contact with me for some reason and it got to me and I just completely forgot how to make eye contact

About a year ago I started to have problems with making eye contact I never had a problem with it til I fell into severe social anxiety … what helped you to get that soft gaze look?

@@stephaniemoreno5043 I think we just need to start holding eye contact, I started trying yesterday

@@swagzgaming2654 I feel like I hold eye contact for two long I come off as weird and awkward.

​@@stephaniemoreno5043 i am also facing same problem 😢. Can you plz help me or can we connect each other 😭

I know I should look at them but I look away. Then I worry I’m looking away too much so I look back. And I repeat this until I start thinking I must look like a crackhead. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t know why this stresses me out so much.

Same

Same

What about others fears tho? Like speaking to them while making eye contact. There's many fears in social phobia.

This is excellent 👌

You're welcome!

Don't let one event from your past define the whole course of your future bro. Face the fear

That’s what happened to me too. Someone made a comment at work about how I look at them and laughed. 😢 ever since then…. 😓

@@TheSocialAnxietyCoach I'm trying, thanks

Hi Juan, thanks for your comment, always much appreciated. Let me know how you get on with these tips and stay tuned, more videos being published today :)

Thanks for your comment Adams, glad it was helpful

my most common arkward scene in my life is when i meet familiar friend but not very close at long corridor and i dont know where my eyes should look, and when he getting closer and gonna pass by sometimes i say hi, or just walk away without any word... that scene make me wanna die sooner... what a shame :(((

Your eye contact wasn't that bad when compared to my eye contact that I have! You would call me weirdo just spending a minute of your life talking with me! I am so damn lost! Don't worry! Stay strong! Spread positivity in your mind as I am trying to do it more and more to help myself! It can work at some extent!

@@maxnick7023 i think we can be a friend max... heres my email Bermanramadhan777@gmail.com lets figured out how to get rid of our eye contact anxiety

Same bro

Have you improved ?

This is well articulated. Thanks 👍

Thank you sir

I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢. Plz can we talk on this.

⁠@@Awesome_Dreamersounds like they’re gaslighting you.

Glad I could help!

Yes sameee!!

More eye contact us better than none.

@@numanhussain6080exaclty💀

the masks for covid help somewhat

Thanks!

learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀

Thank you. Even if it helps 1 person, it's worth making

E C thanks for your comment. You're very welcome, I'm glad it helped

learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀

Hi Sergio, thanks for comment. I definitely recommend facing your fears in a gradual and safe way. The best way out is through! Let me know how you get on

Bro...even I have the same thing...listen..to me.it really works....it was since 4months I had social anxiety...and as usual my day had gone worse....I came home ..as I used to do always...l was listening to sad songs....and then suddenly BELIEVER (song) played in my play list...for a moment I felt current passing through my dead body...I had listened BELIEVER many times before getting social anxiety...but now wen I heard that song...I really got pumped up...instead of wearing glasses to prevent eye contact....I wore earphones and went out ...it really worked...I was just focusing on road and but my whole heart/mind was in that song...I really dint feel people passing next to me....yes ...face ur fears...listen to some pump up music and wear earphones go out...it really works...and it happened to me today ...so I'm messaging this to as many people as I can....bro try.....it..if it works tell to few ppl..cheers

Same man did toy fix this and how?

I feel your pain it’s going on another year for me, it sucks cause I wanna have friends and be in a relationship and not avoid my own family but all because that one fear I do:/

Tinted all windows 5% for exactly that reason and because of sun

They don't think you're rude, they probably think that you ARE a weirdo by avoiding them at all costs. Not even acknowledging someone's existence when walking by shows that you're scared of other people.

Lee Everett your absolutely right.

Steve R Same here. If I am about to pass someone, a lot of times when I try to meet their gaze with friendly eyes, I find they are avoiding eye contact. Of course, this is awkward and I feel like they think I was just staring at them. But if I don't look at them when passing, then what if they try to meet my gaze, then I will seem so rude? To meet gaze or not, that is the question?? : (

Not rude at all when you walk past strangers and don't make eye contact with them I mean you don't know them so why the need to make eye contact with them, if say they stopped you and asked for the time, directions etc and you just avoided them and carried on walking then that would be rude

@@dorianqueen1028 I’ve gotten better now. At the gym, store or at work I now give a quick smile and nod at them. Makes the other one feel better. At least I feel good when a stranger acknowledges me. I used to overthink what they would think of me if I smiled but don’t really care now. Makes me feel comfortable when I do. I don’t do that to every single person who walks passed me on a busy street though. I think that’s being a weirdo 😅

Glad it was useful Kimberley

You could also argue that giving someone eye contact is being present and giving them attention and respect.

Thank you Glendy. Glad it was helpful!

You're welcome!

I hate sitting across from people, even if I know them well. No idea why. I prefer sitting side by side, makes me feel more comfortable.

Glad it was helpful!

You know what? I am also 15 years old AND I can't even look in eyes of my brother or any other person's eye.I don't know what to do

Waalikumassalam

​@@tasmimsaju same with me 😢😢. Can we talk about it.plz help me 😢😢

@@Awesome_Dreamer i don't know whay to do😭it has been 10 months but i still can't do it:')

Can we connect via social media or something 🥺 Because I want a friend who can understand me

Until you build up confidence with direct eye contact, perhaps you can try taking in his whole face with a soft general gaze. You can also look at neutral areas on the face like the bridge of the nose or around the eyes etc. It is very hard for the other person to tell exactly where you are focusing. Once you get used to face-to-face exchanges, gradually work up to full eye contact

Happy to help

Thanks for the comment, glad it was helpful. Great suggestion, but I've kind of got my hands full with the KZfaq channel 🙂

Thank you. Good to know. You're certainly not alone mate!