Until they go through it they won't ever completely understand

Wow I hear you !! Tony robbins has helped me… he’s doing a free challenge this week . It’s not too late to join

I understand. I feel like I'm ruined.

Stop giving him

Ty for sharing, Can you go deeper meaning with what you meant by " your ability to plan"

This is exactly what happened to me after 33 years of marriage. Married to a convincing con man, fraudster and thief who only stole from me!

Can you explain to me how the date of separation comes into play? I'm heading in the direction of divorce and I'm trying to learn as best I can. My husband is a lawyer and he was strategic about protecting himself. I'm on an emotional and financial abusive marriage.

@@adeledebra. Did he come across like a really nice laid back guy, by any chance? In other words difficult to detect any abuse??

@@karencastoldi1291yes, he still comes across as a really nice laid back guy. My family still can’t believe my ex is capable as he still appears the perfect man !

It happened to me, too.

@@janedoe-yw2jp Oh, dear, I am so sorry. Yes, I would fight if I were in your position. My situation was slightly different. He had money and a house (which his mother helped him purchase) before we bought that one. I didn't. He wanted me to sign a prenuptial agreement (he said his mother wanted it) but I refused. Yes, I had been with him (off and on) since I was in high school and he was a Freshman at Stanford, that's six years before marriage and about another three married. Since he had money and I didn't, I handed over my paychecks and let him handle the finances. The first house sold when we were already living in the second house. He asked me to sign a claim to that one. Even though I paid rent to live in that one before we were married, I thought about that and felt OK with signing over rights to that. Then, he came back a few weeks later and asked me to sign my rights to the house we lived in. He lied and told me it was necessary for the loan (that we already had?). I told him he was full of it and said no. One house was the past and the other our future. I wasn't happy. He said he would have me put back on asap but needed this now. We had only been married about a year and a half. I made a point of asking him about putting me back on title regularly until our divorce, which was about another year and a half. Always either blown off, ignored, or creating a fight. The reason I signed it was because I had little invested in the marriage at the time and was testing him as to what he would do. It was worth $100k to me to know what kind of man my husband really was. At the time no one knew or discussed narcissism or coercive control. My advice to anyone in that position, don't sign. And if forced to sign, write "signed under duress". In your case, find a lawyer out of town that doesn't know him. Mine went to good schools, was in a frat while under grad, clerked for a 9th Curcuit Federal Judge and the Dean of his law school. He also clerked for a very prestigious law firm before he passed the bar and was hired there as an intellectual property lawyer. At that time he had all the boxes checked and I had none. I did, however, invest a lot of my time supporting him in other ways besides turning over my paycheck. I really loved him and never wanted to be accused of being a gold digger. We always had tenants living in our home with us (both of them) and I made sure our home was spotless and addressed tenants needs when necessary. In your case, your financial support got him through college and into a better income bracket. You purchased the home with your own savings. I would absolutely not let him get away with that. Go find a divorce attorney who doesn't know him that specializes in domestic violence and coercion. I am sorry that this happened. I know your pain and wish you all the luck in the world. Stay strong, keep fighting.

@@janedoe-yw2jp I put all of my money into a joint account also. I didn't know at the time that it takes two signatures to open but only one to close. He pulled all of the money out of the account and put it into his own personal account, blocking my access to funds when we were married. This is another coercive tactic to make you dependent on the abuser.

@@janedoe-yw2jp This was back in the late 1980's. I was twenty two when we married and didn't know anything. My mom kicked me out at eighteen without a job or place to live. Back then, you could only use an ATM at the bank in which you had an account. We belonged to a small bank with only one local branch. He was always complaining about me spending money but I had to look nice for all the functions that we went to. Everyone else was shopping at Nordies but I was shopping at thrift stores. I was super thin because I couldn't afford to buy lunch at work. Anyway, he comes home one day with an ATM card for me and tells me that he needs the ATM receipt and all the receipts down to the penny for everything I buy so he can keep balance. That's another coercive tactic, BTW. He told me he closed the account--another coercive tactic. One day, the ATM was down at the bank. I tried getting money inside, through a teller, but was denied. Later, after years of sex deprivation (he stopped the day after we wed, another coercive tactic) I accidentally said something at a party that made him look bad in front of peers. We were on the dance floor and he admonished me under his breath. I cried in the bathroom and missed the first course. We had a huge fight that night and I tried to kill myself. He told me that I was F***n crazy and that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. He locked me in a room and told me that if I tried to escape through a window that he would have me committed. I was twenty five. After that, I said that I wasn't moving out. I had just gotten a promotion from assembly to QC and was attending school at night to take required courses. School had just started and I wasn't moving till semester end. I also stopped giving him my paychecks. Then, he tried to tell me that I needed to pay rent. I said no. He said that I should make half the house payment. I said that I should get half the income from tenants. He balked. Said I had to pay half for taxes and insurance. I just kept stashing money until the end of the semester. There was nothing he could do without ruining his precious reputation. I barely had enough money to move by semester end.

@@janedoe-yw2jp Seems like we have domestic abuse in common. While he's gone I would search the whole house completely, looking for any scrap of evidence, any documents you can find. He may have everything stored in a computer or cloud and two step notifications so that could be a problem but if you can at least get website and user account without violating privacy I would do so and provide them to an attorney. Gather everything you can get ahold of, make copies if necessary, and take them to a trusted friend for safe keeping. Otherwise, find a bank deposit box somewhere. That can be problematic so a trusted friend is good. Ask them if you can use their address to have mail sent to or get a PO Box. They have boxes at UPS that work as as address too, if you need to apply for things like a job, credit. It would be great if you knew someone who you trusted that could let you stay with them. Also, find an attorney who doesn't know him and deals with domestic violence and coercive abuse. Your husband will try to withhold as much from you as possible and hold things like health insurance cards, etc hostage. If you can, I would make good use of the time he's gone and prepare to leave him. You can find good information online or go to any women's shelter for information. YWCA is a good start or you can call 211 to find organizations that can help you, give advice. Don't use words like psychopath, narcissist, or anything that smacks of judgment in court. Just stick with facts and behaviors. He's probably shacked up in HI. A private investigator is in order if you can hire and getting the goods on his doings wouldhelp you greatly. Be very careful. I wouldn't put anything past this guy. You aren't alone. There are people out there that can and will help you. Oh, not to make you feel paranoid but see if there are any cameras in your home, any trackers in your phone, computer, and any air tracking on your car. You may need to get a boss or coworkers involved to help you. Maybe get a burner phone to keep at work. Just some things to think about that I didn't have to deal with but organizations will know what to do. Good luck and God Bless.

@@janedoe-yw2jp I understand your situation and validate your feelings. I would still gather as much information as possible during this time. Sure, status qou serves him at the moment, but you don't know when he will change his mind and pull the rug out from under you. Maybe after your child turns 18, or maybe he will decide to sell the house and cash out with a tidy nest egg for retirement with his beach bunny??? Whatever happens, I hope things work out for you. My heart ❤️ goes out to you along 💔 with my love.

You’re right, the best thing to do is leave sooner. I’m praying for you. We dont deserve any forms of abuse and we should never let anyone abuse us.

Always the regret… 😭😩

@lw679: We weren't ready for these sickos. Who is ready for these mind games, etc? I didn't know they made people like this. It makes us hold back , not trust and forever cautious and weary. It's probably better to be alone, at least for me.

Same here😪

exactly, courts gaslight and nothing matters no matter how criminal or who victimized who. That is legal abuse and why he/she doesn't leave. until fault divorce returns and crimes are taken seriously that take place behind closed doors, abuse will never end. wife beaters and child molesters STILL have equal rights? That is the abuse.

no. no one does doodle.

If the credit card is in his name and he put you on it as an authorized user, there is nothing he can do to you. The rule is: never put anyone on your card as an authorized user. If you do, if a separation occurs, call your credit card immediately and get them off. Hope this helps

Excelente point... Mines made it impossible to get one I've tried begging . Now his lawyer who keeps ignoring my emails about the abuse has filed a motion to skip mediation and set final trial. Why i don't understand how no one's doing anything to make him atleast follow his own divorce mandatory injunction he filed. I've gone without lights food now he's taken my car the only thing I was being awarded. Idk what to do

I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner

My ex-husband is a divorce attorney, any time he owes money, he just threatens to take me to court knowing it will run up a bill for me and not him. I am financially bullied every day by him. No matter how hard to I try to get my life back together, it's just him either costing me money in legal fees or just dumping bills on me

I’m there now, Monterey Ca does not have any help, other than telling you if papers are filled out correctly, but refused to file proof of what I told judge! Judge says I don’t understand! I told him I was not allowed to file proof! He continued on like I said nothing!

I know. This is a time to lean on friends and family.

Same here it’s truly awful

@@kandacebasso3569 same here.

I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner

I'm going through all this right now 23 years.

50 years here!!

If they can, they do this to children too, for life. These people are evil. They want not children, but slaves. It is planned.

I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner

So true where's our protection

I am so very sorry. You are right we need things changed n on a large scale that others who aren't aware know.

@@peggynarcsuvivor9073 please help victims

@@saleemsheikh4819 once I am out if the home after 45 yrs.so far the Good Lord is mskimg A way soon but I havw an unbelievable story

My spouse did it out of greed, and she thought I was useless and dumb over all. She ended up using financial abuse and fear of police intervention to get me off the title of the house we bought after 10 years of owning it and living like a hermit under complete financial control she paid the mortgage down incredibly fast. So I essentially was threatened out of roughly 100k. And as common law vs not married = no division of property in ontario apparently. Im hoping the judge sees what she did as super malignant and crucifies her on the spousal support.

They do it cuz they planned it from the start. That is how these con artists manipluate abusers win some video it and sell it on the deep dark web and make money off trapping and abusing these are powerful men powerful evil men

@@leafmealoynederpydeu85 haters Jesus had them

30 Years male owned own business built a 1.6 million dollar home Divorced I don't even have my own personal property.

I agree. The horrors afterwards of finding out ur attorney was family friends w the abuser. I'm disgusted at the whole process. Judiciary should be held accountable but covid stopped everything n abused the victims rights worse.

Nothing can be done, non custodial parents are to be destroyed by the system forever.

Usually only if you can prove fraud. Every states' definitions and remedies differ. Talk to an experienced family lawyer in your area.

Sincerely wish you the blessings of all that have suffered, and the sum,xxxx

My husband divorced me too without my knowledge 4 days ago. I never got a chance to defend myself legally. I pleaded with my husband to halt the divorce because I was lacking legal representation but he didn’t care and proceeded with it. What a betrayal!

@@jasminehawk7942 what? How is that possible? I need to get myself educated on this because I know he's planning as we speak.

Please update me on how it turns out. I'm on the the of going through the same thing.

My husband tried that shit, but i got the divorce set aside. My mistake.

Don't it's a complete scam, lose everything when they cheat and get rewarded, fuck that. Completely devoted to my wife, found out shes was having serial affairs and the whole time gaslighting me that I didn't love her, so would do more, pay more...all while she was fucking random guys off the internet. DO NOT GET MARRIED GUYS! ITS COMPLETE UTTER BULLSHIT, NEVER ENTER A CONTRACT WHERE THE CHEATING PARTY GET REWARDED AND ITS ONLY WOMEN. FUCK THAT

He will get Karma & u will get though this F*** him

me too. And mine has given me the silent treatment for a month. I'm in panic mode. He's going to hand me divorce papers soon, I know it. Added bonus? He put his name on the business I run and I'm the only one running it. He controls literally every aspect of my life. Including the vehicle I bought with my own money. This is SO sickening I allowed this. Every time I've tried to address inequality he exlplodes in an emotional rage.

Hire an attire so you can beat the system! 💳, use a card to pay attorney fees

Call your local crisis center. They will be familiar with situations like yours and can help!

I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner

get out i left mine

Be a man and stand up and take the reigns of your house hold, go to the bank open a savings account under your name only pay all bills through that account only give her money for spending to buy herself what you feel she needs tell her if the abuse continuous you are leaving tell her no excuse for abuse and if she wants to wear the pants there's the door.

Hi, I am curious- any idea what he did with the money that he did not spend on the family? Like what else is there to do? Thanks.

Yes they r,but good u left him

​@@jawwad4020mine wants to build a house for himself.

@@truffaut650truffaut6 just for himself? I thought the law required marital assets to be shared equally both in the case of use and in divorce. Still, buying a house at the expense of real necessities isn't a sound investment.

Narcissists see people as possessions. They objectify them.

Only u can help ur self .stop giving him

Only u can help ur self.watch lots if counseling video

He also threatened me to spend me under a bridge if I tried to divorce him.

I had to get a site I was Introduced to 69unlockers ▪️com to spy on my partner's phone to get prove needed in court.. I can't stand to lose everything to an abusive partner

Mine did the same he would deduct money from my "allowence" everytime I argued he has ruined me I'm not ever going to be the same idk who I even am anymore.

@@christinagarcia4123 I'm so sorry you've endured that abuse. I wrote this post awhile ago and my mother in law has saved her money and now has a great lawyer. She hasn't seen or spoken to her husband since 2019. He is trying to get her to pay him alimony and pay his legal fees. He literally makes more than 5x her income. He's desperate to intimidate and is grasping at straws to somehow seem in dominance. It's pathetic and he can't win. Good luck to you. You can get out too.

@@Naomi-tb1xn I'm so happy for her. I'm divorced already since June never was able to get a lawyer I don't work I've been fighting disability. But the after effects of the whole thing is I'm stuck waking up to the fact that my abuser not only got away but got rewarded as well so how am I supposed to stop the cycle in my brain. It's killing me inside.

@@christinagarcia4123 i'm so happy you're away from him. I hope and pray you continue to heal and get the support you need. These people are so empty inside. How can anyone be truly happy when they can't love. They are lost and alone and ultimately have nothing

Exactly what I wanna know plus when there bestfriend is loaded and also his boss

Exactly. They literally dominate and control till we are in a position that we can not escape. Then they emotionally and mentally beat you down even harder once they realize your completely dependant on them and have no way to fight for your legal rights to escape and pay for your own basic needs. There is no help that I can find and only advice about leaving. Lawyers all want money up from and legal aid won’t help because based on the combined assets and income, you don’t qualify for legal aid in Canada. Your litterally trapped and robbed of your own rights and access to the assets you brought to the table. Becoming disabled was what gave him power over me to rob me the way he has. My estate was worth 700 thousand when we got together. Now I can’t even afford to take care of my own needs while he is spending it all on muscle cars and toys and is flat out telling me he won’t give me any thing if I won’t comply to his terms. How horrid. This is why people stay single nowa days.

@@christinagarcia7598 this is also me just different email

@@pickle9753 I got the same treatment here in America and I'm not even the illegal one he was I'm a natural born citizen

Glad it was helpful!

Just a joke.

Thank you.

I hope you, your mom & brother are doing well...God bless..

Can you find where all the money is by hiring forensic acct? I don't even know how much my husband earns. He stopped telling me about 10 years ago. I know he has over mil in stocks and 401. Possibly 2 mil. Who knows. It's never been disclosed to me. He quit his job, found a new job and said to find a new husband and that he wants out and is moving out. I feel he's getting everything ready. He's a lawyer. I'm a stay at home mom with nothing to my name. He even tricked me into signing quit deed. I'm desperate to educate myself on what to prepare for and how.

First of all stop giving him ,and b strong 💪

@jaimehill2972 report it to the IRS so he will stop receiving those paychecks especially if not giving any money to help for the 9 year old that's illegal and they will stop once you report it to the IRS that will definitely stop him

Hurts , I know , buy lotto ticket that feeling before lotto draw is time you can feel in some form of control ,if you don't win there's always next week

I hope you’re still out! Stay no contact and work on your own healing and life!