And it only gets worse. Sometimes becoming physical. Run, don't walk. It is no fun twenty years later when he destroys you and/or dumps you.

get a job. and have him deposit a monthly allowance you both agree on into your acct

Thank you for putting this in words...I was chronically ill at the time and at home with my kids. Ughhhh...he just made life so unbearable for all parties involved.

This is my life for the last 5 years. I have 4 children and became chronically Ill after my 4th. He tortured me daily and still does. He has put me in a position of complete dependence with high expectations but no resources for me to access.I can’t get items for the home and groceries or children, there’s no money left after he just spends it all on unnecessary frivolous things, then he blows up when I say there’s no money for me to get groceries. Days later he’ll comment that we have no food in the house and I say yes, we have no money and need to come up with a plan. That results in another tantrum. It goes in and on. Just finally realized after coming a cross these videos that he’s a neglectful narcissist. Planning my way out now. These videos are incredibly helpful to me. I’m often in tears just hearing another person so perfectly describe my experiences. Being gaslit and told I’m crazy for my feelings has left me in a daze of confusion. The fog is lifting now and I can’t unlearn what I know. Looking forward to the future for the first time.😊

Sending love and prayers for your journey to finding peace and freedom. The domestic Abuse shelters are often a good resource for support and ways to get aid.

this is my marriage 😢

That has been my life for the past 20 years. God bless all of you and give you the strength you need in your situation.

Thanks for joining the conversation

Also, everything in the family home goes to the person who paid for it (in a split) if you are unmarried. Even in a long-term relationship where one partner has brought up the children and looked after the home. This is English law I believe.

@@carolinelowings7501 Yes. But my former partner wrote his financial offer in a letter it was 50/50 of the value of the property. Then a meeting where he spoke about the options and I requested the meeting to be recorded as I was fearful he would be angry and abusive and he was.

@@carolinelowings7501 interesting, so you are more protected when married

An abusive, controlling husband (or wife) can use what you said about money management, saving v spending, etc, as an excuse to control the wife (or husband) which is, in fact, controlling. That is narcissistic to think that your way is better, that you're right and she's not, that you know better and she doesn't "get it", that you both see money in different ways which means one of you HAS to be wrong, are not true, honest, equal, a team, healthy, loving, supporting, and so on and so forth.

@@LisaPFrampton excellent response!

I think they are referring to the male if the male is the abuser, which in their experience, has typically been the male. Either party can be the narcissistic abuser, even if the wife has the spending problem, if she just has a spending issue and has caused financial hardships but has never had manipulative,controlling, or deceptive intentions in her spending but is willing to be honest, receptive, and desires to fix the issue with her husband and her husband is in turn respectful and understanding of his wife's mistakes and is still in agreement that they are partners, regardless of the problems- they should be able to work together to find a solution and create the system that works, together. That's what partners do. They stick it out together and work through issues to find a solution. In everything

Don’t miss the point that the behavior in and of itself is wrong. Without a label. Attaching the label to the behavior sometimes is a distraction and waters down the impact of the behavior.

exactly. my ex refused to get a job. he expected a pregnant woman to pay his bills and then still provide childcare

Our feelings about money are almost always about other things, for example trust, security, worth, value, etc. not necessarily about money.

Exactly

I have spent years trying to “fix everything” in our relationship, which of course includes money … I have done all kinds of things that were for our benefit, and all I get when we talk is, “You don’t trust me, you’re doing things behind my back.” It seems to be that he is determined to twist things around to make me a bad guy, and it just wears me down.

​@Dr. David Hawkins From the beginning he stated it was "HIS" money. We were married with children, but it was never Our money. Would not let me have any money, and insisted that I didn't 'Need' a car. If you dare question where all the money went, he would scream at me, and the very last time I questioned him about where over $1,000 went, he spun around, pounded his fist down and said, "I guess we need a divorce!" Isolation and Complete control is their goal. Completely selfish.

Dear one, I had the same experience with my ex. The soon we were married he also said it was his money. He said I did not have to work, but he would not give me any money to spend for shopping. Barely he would give me 100 shekels=24 euro. Then I had this Question; should I ask for money, but somehow I never did. I found myself a job. And after a while he wanted to have money from me. Also questions were raised with me; how is he spending al his money?

Yes, many people cannot just get up and leave for various reasons. However, you can still pursue your own healing. Here are some videos we hope can help: Hope for Victims of Emotional Abuse kzfaq.info/get/bejne/q5-InrSmrbKpeo0.html Break Free of Emotional Abuse and Heal: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/q5-InrSmrbKpeo0.html Finding Healing kzfaq.info/get/bejne/f5t-aNeQ0rfNhHU.html

Me. I ask for help and get spun around and no one cares.

I don't have the perfect answer. I am with you. I understand. I've been there, and still am in many ways. My husband punished me repeatedly taking the direct deposit in then out then in then out, for disrespecting him with my words. I once didn't put the legos away fast enough and he threatened to take the money cause I was disobeying him. These are mentally sick men. I danced with a watermelon rind on my head as he requested for 20 dollars in change. Even when I paid the bills for 18 years he coukd punish me by taking a 1000.00 out to mess me up. Through no manipulation of my own, God allowed me to get the Covid child checks, the tax return and I held it till I could escape. I'm staying with my daughter now me and my 4 kids, and he just signed over a cashed out 401k check over 100,000.00 to entice me to come home. Hes relinquishing the control. It will be in my sole and seperate account. I am considering going home and relieving my daughter of the financial responsibility shes taken on. I've been living off my savings I got from the taxes and praying for answers. You can't force these guys to repent they are essentially unsaved. If he let's me live in peace I might give it a short term try. We've been seperated for 4 months, hes getting a taste of his life without us. He really needed that. After 36 years I finally did it. And I have to be honest I don't ever want to go back. But I do hate being a burden. I clean the house daily and wash all her clothes. I'm considering doing postpartum doula work and teaching Lamaze. God will help and provide. My story isn't over. Even im curious and excited to see what God will do, hang in there ladies. Hang in there, your time will come too.

Yes, abuse can be acts of omission (things not said or done) as well as overt acts.

oh no please dont tell yourself it is hopeless there is always HOPE thru god I am just starting to look for a lawyer I am hndcapped from lyme and longhauler covid so very scared I gave him half of my house and now for a year he doesnt give me any money for the mortgage I pay the full amount god bless you ahd hope you have a wondfru future

There's not necessarily a right or wrong, but if it's causing problems in the marriage, if it's causing issues with trust and connection, it needs to be addressed.

Great for the two of you! However, if one or the other is irresponsible with money, that is a problem.

Your a blessed one then. 🙏

Women can also take and take and take advantage of their partners by forcing them to take on all responsibilities all while they use their income to take vacations

@@arleyalvarez9732 FBI says 80% of criminals and abusers are males.

Glad you found it helpful, thanks for your comment

Thanks for your comment

Me too, spare bedroom.

Thanks for your comment! Glad you found it helpful

So amazing, for the first time after being divorced 15 years, I hear now over this financial abuse... so amazing how I recgocnise all the comments. What a pain it was..

So glad you are out of that situation!

Sounds like a gambling addiction

My thought too.

Yes, agreed it's not 90/10, he was referring to what he sees in his practice, but sorry he didn't make that clear.

The reason that's why that's what his experience is with the 90/10 is because men are far less likely to seek help when there's any type of abuse going on.

No one ever says what the female does. All they ever do is say men, men, men, men. You have two sex's but yet the male is the only fukked up 1 on the planet. Men say 🛑 spending money. Women says I want another shoe, although she has 299 shoes but yet they Target the men. How is any problem going to get fixed long term when you only blame one gender, 🤔

Everyone's situation is different. And, if she's spending the emergency funds on drugs and cigarettes... That's different. You aren't wrong there. These guys aren't talking about ALL men. There are a lot of great men who don't abuse their wives. And yes, there are female narcissists