This comment is so true but funny

lmao

Ha old timers

lol, people get old!

aroyals lmao

Florida voting speedrun world record any%

@@LS-jv9hp press the big red button to shave a lot of time

@@engineergaming7407 engineer gaming

See this is what I’m talking about this new fangled voting machine is too simple back in my day it took at least 10 hours to cast a vote.

@@drummerboy9128 10 hours back in my day it took 3 months

Gee, thanks, you fucking doomed us all by giving up the Allspark! You had one job, Gabriel!

Why do you carry a pistol in the house? For decipticons I replied. She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed...

Gabriel De La Cruz, your comment is the best thing I've seen all week and I never even watched Transformers. The replies only make it better.

@@Aldenco99 I shot the toaster

Idk Man, some of my friend tried to vote republican but the res Button is top Far to reach. It seemsthis machinine is biased towards democrats

Doesn't that machine have the newer 666 levers?

@@ViewThis. Correct, but if you count the ones underneath the machine as well as the ones on the inside of it, it has 1,736 levers.

Also the (actually) small business support application

For what state ?

@@HeyGuy4321 all of them, Florida is a prefect example though

you forgot about scoring 50 pucks in a row then getting at least 10 bar downs

flaw with your filter, the americans will just shoot it.

Nice

theres a trick where if you cover yourself in syrup they'll come to you

that would honestly be a better form of goverment then what canada has now

I hope they make the button more durable this time around.

The big red button!

It looks like a saw trap

Was gonna exit out of the video but I stayed and watched because of this comment. Thank you.

Thanks for this. I almost clicked off before getting to the end.

HSHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

@Graham Ye-wait...

@Graham ye, there are onety two in a case.

Much like Nevada on election year

Fifty-Fourtenty Levers Ain't That Bad.

preach

It's litteraly a tenth the length of war and peace, I'm tired of libs saying it's too long when they're clearly just to lazy to do a little paperwork.

RTFM!

@@ruslbicycle6006 i see, you are a man of culture as well

@@_tsu_ Let me use a car analogy for this: The levers are a Pinto. The big red button is a Ferrari. Voting is as simple as changing the oil and always having a drip pan for your votes.

>he fell for the phone call Oldest voter suppression trick in the book

@@NEUTR0NDANCE haha what an idiot. That's why I destroy my phone everytime before the elections.

i recently upgraded to the brand new samsung folding lever phone. It has over 500 levers, and similar to the voting machine, it takes about 5 hours to initiate a phone call. And similar to youtube's algorithm, where there is only a 10 percent chance the bot will decide you are monetized, after this process, there is a 10 percent chance the call will even start. Same thing when joining a call.

Yeah you could just hit the red bottom to vote for the Republican. It was much easier, and I did it. 3:04-it says there, and you can check that out

This made me laugh way too hard

Yes there is a help line....You should be able to locate it easily, It's made of new rope in the shape of a Noose and is located at the top of the machine.

Umm, wait, are you using the original 2012 manual or the updated 2020 manual for this year's election? Also, are you using the primary manual, presidential manual or some other supplementally text? There was a huge recall on state issued manuals after the 2016 presidential election. I just want to make sure you have the most up to date version and proper appendices.

But if you read at the top of the page properly it wouldv'e said 'Instrutcions for V-1.3' your actually meant to be on page 846 sorry dude wrong page the top of the page should say 'Instuructions for v-1.4'

You see, the manual changes pages every 10-17 minutes automatically, you might’ve ended up on page 1258 instead of page 832.

@@ldtobi1 Just wha- best manual ever, truly the best hundreds-page-long manual ever...

They also forgot the fact that after they finish their vote goes into the trash unless they press the red button. I mean look how many people did not vote republican, these news media out here lying for the democrats.

That's the 2003 edition. Modern manuals are written in latin.

@@connordarvall8482 Rumor has it that in 2022, the new manuals will be written in Japanese.

IT'S TRADITIONAL ENGLISH HOW DARE YOU In my opinion they should just leave out the dictionary and let only intelligent Americans through but now you've got all these idiots who can't translate 8th c english

@@connordarvall8482 yeah, and the 2020 version is 4 times as long and has the Latin translated to Navajo and the Navajo to Yiddish and finally the Yiddish to English. All google translate of course

@Purest of Trash and now in the 2019 edition of the machine there are not only 20,000 levers, but also an extra thousand keys and pads to mash (and the republican button was replaced with a neon flashing sign with a button underneath it)

"Back in my day, kid, we had machines the size of a room! Now the machines have grown small enough to fit your hand." will soon become "Back in my day, kid, we had machines small enough to fit in your hand! These days, the machines are so large."

Yeah, choice!

Well my county just adopted a machine with one lever, except it’s hidden and on Election Day we have to find it. And it doesn’t tell us who we voted for, it just picks whoever it wants. It’s scary.

yeah man, what if you weren't certain but you've already pulled 599, I opt to raise the ammount of levers to 1200

thank assgeig for paying for a fradulent app to be designed that intentionally throws the caucus to biden and his corrupt DNC friends

@@untilitookanarrow Except for the fact that Biden got fourth.

Much more! The energy created by moving all those levers being pulled will be put back onto the grid. When the energy created by the levers is compared to the steam energy used to power the machines, these voting machines will only be 6% inefficient. Hahaha

Iowa Democratic Caucus: 3000 page manual Iowa Republican Caucus: please remember to put your paper IN the bucket before passing it

At least a caucus is funny to watch

Intuitive.

apparently getting an ID to vote is equivalent to using this voting machine.

@@melc311 the goal is to put up a bunch of annoying barriers so potential voters lose interest. Believe it or not, many people in the inner city dont own cars so ID isnt as ubiquitous. And getting transportation out to the boonies to find their polling place is probably a bigger inhibitor

@@gangstalker5461 Okay racist.

Ironic how every other country requires ID to vote but only in America “DAS WACIS!”

@@gangstalker5461 You're goofy

briankeys lol, nice one.

I tried to vote with this machine, but I forgot to bring a plombus, so needless to say the process became slightly more complicated.

Trump is fixing the coal problem. And the red button to vote a straight Republican ticket will fix you...good.

briankeys We've decided to go with the sceeen to keep the bird problem to a minimum. Still working out the rest of the kinks

@@Tflexxx02 coal has been dieing for decades because there isn't any more and automation that can do the jobs of 5 coal miners in half the time and at a 1/10 the cost. But yeah Trump sure will fix the coal.

you dirty commie

You had it easy, mate. I had to share a voting booth with Rush Limbaugh...

50x27 would be just a floppy cube with reduction and cuboid techniques

Still easier than voting in a red state as a poc ☕

@@harrylane4 not easier than race baiting though....

oof

If it had that I would dislike and leave

Most accurate comment I've seen so far

And underrated

WHY ARE THERE NO HOT/COLD SYMBOLS WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE BUILD IT LIKE THAT

Or trying to turn on their TV and watch Netflix while house sitting.

It's been 6 years and I just thought I'd say Hi. Your comment seemed kinda lonely.

>Comment from 6 yrs old >hi

ha 7 years no peace for u bald man

@@averagerick9581 hi

Hi

Yup, republicans trying to set up a coup.

@Jayne Dough If you think democrats could cast millions of fake ballots in REPUBLICAN controlled swing states while leaving no evidence AND vote for Republican reps on those same ballots causing themselves to lose many seats in Congress, which was more important than winning the Presidency, Than you're very disconnected from reality.

@@Noadvantage246 there is evidence tho

@Jayne Dough the Trumpie that believes his savior was snubbed by the DNC is calling me disconnected from reality. LMFAO.

Trump lost lol

Shady Brain is just a LOT of andgates and T-flip flops

@@BarginsGalore yes i see

Redstone computing XD im making computers and they look like this lol

Shady Brain You know the KZfaq algorithm is on top of the game, if it recommends you this comment, while we are probably all watching hermitcraft. Quite impressive.

Anton Wilzewski well when was there not a hermitcraft season going in the past few years?

Cute anecdote. But its the fulcrum that breaks.

Bruh that's dude who wrote Richard and Juliet. I don't think levers existed back then

@@axeljones8684 Enjoying your public education, I see. That's Richard the Third and Juliette, by the way. With additional dialogue by Sam Goldwin.

Give me 600 levers more and I’ll go mad… or vote for Republicans (which sounds the same actually 😅)

Damn Darth Maul dropping wisdom on us

It was the same back then, but social media hadn't taken off and it wasn't as obvious to many

Yup Republicans fucking everything up for everyone, as per the usual

What joke

Ye

Agreed, odd to have this pop up now of all times I think KZfaq might be trying to sway public opinion hmm?

Ah yes, cause there is clearly a rule that says it's not okay to recommend anything old in KZfaq's rules.

*Florida still can’t get its shit together during elections*

Still holds true

A: I can't tell if your joking B: Make a new version of this that's simple, not one with levers everywhere. A lot of people are gonna be confused and just give up.

Also, is there a way to vote 3rd party?

@@nobodynobody3187 Hello, I just talked to my supervisors. Parties really recommend this method of voting, the popular vote is usually the better vote according to leading party members. I mean, why else are they leading in polls? People aren't that stupid. Look on the news, even they trust polls. Third parties? It's probably at the very top of the machine. Trust the system, the system is good.

@@samissa9921 Ah yes, don't vote 3rd party because that's not a vote for us. Much good.

@@nobodynobody3187 lmao did you eat his shit as well as eat the onion

How so?

@AUSTIN SCOTT omg.... MIND BLOWN

This was just the present, things were just failed to be prevented from getting worse

​@Thrifty032781 what did he say, the youtube gestapo deleted it lol

Hiro Takkan so more onion news then.

@@davidhakadoober._1- will make for more good fodder...

When the government became more self-parody than actual...2016 or so.

@@bobpurcell7175 it's funny and troubling accurate one of the last lines. "...unless you want to vote straight ticket Republican in which case you just press the big red button."

It was designed to operate that way. Did you not see the two people round the back of the machine deciding what to do with your vote as it underwent 'adjudication'.

WHat's that?

​@@grovercleveland8572 It stands for "Secure, Contain and Protect" which is a crowd sourced rollplay about unknown extremely dangerous entities held in secret locations around the world.

No, it belongs in Florida where every other SCP is

@@julianmoreno6817 Florida is an SCP. Florida man simply opened our eyes to the truth.

@@justas423 Minnesota is an scp actually

lmaoooooooooo this machine will be for black voters only tho

Or you can just send 20 letters to vote 20 times if you want democrats to win.

@@amai2307 maybe if you want to go to federal prison

@@jimb4549 it doesnt work this way tho. It was against rules to check who sent letters with votes.

@@amai2307 source?

@@amai2307 that's not how it worked In my state. We had to prove our identity at least 5 different ways in that form.

It's not. There is 1 big button. Not nearly as big as trumps button but close

*woosh*

he's saying the button is too complex

Brandon Abbott yeah the levers are way more simple and straightforward

Clear rigging. How can voters be expected to figure out such a baroque, Byzantine process as hitting the big, red button in the middle?

@Jake Sangria It's still gonna be hard for the democrats to catch up to the republicans with all their voter suppression by closing voting booths almost exclusively in minority areas, all the gerrymandering, and complaints of needing voter ID despite there only being 1,200 or so legitimate cases of fraud in several decades. I don't know how these poor folk can ever win with all that democrat cheating like trying to give ex convicts their right to vote back.

@Jake Sangria Democrats aren't giving teens, illegals, and the dead the right to vote.

@Jake Sangria yeah no uh you need to settle down with the conspiracy theories homie. I couldn't give a rat's ass about your election but since trump installed his own billionaire lackey to run the postal service, and then postal hours and machines started getting repealed, it's messed up my ability to get international mail from America on time. Straighten up and fund your postal service - or else I'm buying from China.

@Jake Sangria I'm not American. I'm not a Democrat or Republican. Did you even read what I just wrote? I said fix your fucking post office because it's affecting me from buying shit from America and shipping it overseas. It's been more than the 21 days for international shipping I was promised, and it's entirely because of the way the post office has been handled by a nut job who has since been called to testify in front of Congress for sabotaging the postal system. I'm cranky because your political bs is stopping me from getting the stuff I bought weeks ago. IF you don't fix it, I'll just buy my shit from China because at least then I'll see it before the month ends. Your stuff is affecting people around the world. Get your head out of your ass. If Trump's presidency starts affecting me then yeah vote the prick out. I couldn't give a rat's ass. Sincerely Someone who doesn't live in your country.

@Jake Sangria and yeah of course politicians are wealthy - it's easy to see that when they release their fucking tax returns. But I guess I'll never know what Trump is worth since he still hasn't done it. Whatever chief.

Yep only thing different would be its a big blue button instead of a red one and it votes Democrat.

@@bendynamic2150 wait...youre serious?

Yeah, machines almost half this size have already been deployed in Montana

hi myotictesseract, have you become a flat earther yet?

Lmao

Wait what state do you live in??

@@thegatekeeperm8183 Turmoil

@@AndrewGunner Made me laugh.

@@IMP_ROM ty for lettingme know

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

@@greenyawgmoth h

greenyawgmoth Kang is the dominant of the pair, you wasted your vote.

Just read the manual ffs

@@mechanicalfury9778 i

This was before he was hired as head film critic for the onion 😅

These 10 year old Onion videos have been seeming a lot less satire lately

Jordan Not as big as Trump's red button but still...

​@@cezarcatalin1406 May I ask if you support or dont support trump. And why?

MilitaristicCrow i don’t support trump because his taxcuts only helped the top %1, he is just as if not more warhawkish than obama or bush, he constantly flip flops on what policies he supports worse than even hillary, and thats like a really saying something, he also wants a wall which is not effective at all because more than half of illegal immigrants come in through legal ports of entry, also he blames illegal immigration for downturns in the economy when that cant be more further from the truth 99% of economists say that any immigration has a net positive on countries, i dont even care to mention any more but if you want me to i will.

Barack Hussein Obama II Do you view Obama to be a more fit president than trump?

MilitaristicCrow i mean sure but its not saying much, obama literally just either pretended to be liberal or he just is that incompetent at politics. Anytime you read an article where they frame it as “obama hoped to accomplish such and such but met blowback from the republicans” (or something to that extent) he didn’t need the republicans approval he had the house and senate majority!! He even used romneys healthcare plan and still the republicans cried about it when he could have forced the dems to vote for the universal healthcare bill that would save 45000 peoples lives a year but no he wanted to sit there drooling on himself pretending to do stuff. Oh also look into the drone program and the military interventions under his admin they were horrific. The only thing i would give him credit for is lowering the deficit under his administration and rebounding the economy so fast in 2008 which most of that credit is given to his advisors... i would say every president but fdr and jimmy carter were terrible. I mean i mainly praise carter for never firing a bullet under his admin which is nothing but commendable

same, I wouldn't hesitate to press it even if I was a democrat because I wouldn't be bothered to take so long voting. If republicans need to win an election they could just call the onion.

Well most impoverished people don’t have govenrment ID

@@avacadomangobanana2588 Then give them one. You'd think we would give all people at least some form of id.

@@the-digital-idiot That certainly is a good solution - although unfortunately people who don't need ID don't get it while they can, so if you're homeless with no paperwork to prove who you are and have no money to get a goddamn DNA test done and pay all the fees of getting ID then sucks I guess you're not voting. In Australia for example there's something called the electoral roll, you walk in and they ask you a few questions (Middle name, date of birth, address etc), assuming no problems they mark you off, hand you a ballot and you go ahead and vote. Simple as that, no ID no fuss. I could walk into the electoral commission office right now and have the right to see a public version of the electoral roll, and I have the right to then lodge a dispute against any name that I think shouldn't be there (IE: They died, or perhaps gained a severe mental illness and are unable to understand the nature of an election), which will then be reviewed and handled. 97% of our population votes in elections, the issue of "fake voters" has never been brought up. It never has to be - voter impersonation would be so blatantly obvious (Oh, so this person got marked off twice...? Lets review the tapes and get some facial recognition) and carries such significant penalties that nobody would do it. THAT is the solution to your voter problems, not trying to solve how ID's are handed out in the US or forge documents or disenfranchise the poor, just to make voting a legitimate right that all citizens can excercise, regardless of the size of your wallet, your political beliefs, your gender, your race etc.

what do you mean

@@patrickm5217 People got caught making fake ballots in Broward County. Multiple times. It's the opposite of the video though, the fake ballots were democrat.

@@JohnDoe-pi3po You make it sound like Democratic Corruption is a bad thing.....

@@Social_Infidel corruption (especially in voting) is a bad thing regardless of party.

Scott Rauch when one side does it it’s a bad thing. When it’s institutionalizationalized, it’s just the way the world works.

Oh the removal of the start button, what a fun experiment that was.

Or when you clicked the don't upgrade to Windows 11 button 15 times over the course of a week but then wake up in the morning to find your laptop with no hard drive space and a brand new version of Windows 11 running slowly.

hi jeremygalloway, have you become a flat earther yet?

Hi future me

Hi future self, hope you didn't develop a bald spot

Hello hello

Now gentlemen we are going on a 4 year task, after that time report your 4 year experience here

Hi !

Ok but unironicly an amazing joke

The best part is it's even more relevant now than it was in 2012. Voting has gotten significantly harder since the 2013 supreme court case that gutted voter protections

@@ericw.1620 Nonsense! The new mark IV machine makes everything clear and above board. The manual has been shortened to 862 pages too!

@@ericw.1620 >Gutted voter protections Man you people really are insane.

They need to make it hardcover, this would have come earlier had I not taken so long to vote

lol

ah, see youre thinking of the californian lever box, which runs on steam also, but instead of coal they use uranium rods. so long as you vote within 12 minutes of entering, experts say your exposure to radiation is only "300 times the recommended daily amount"

And yet there's still a warning about it causing birth defects in the state of California. They just hate voting. And fun. And carcinogens.

@@arcanealchemist3190 Fucking dead...! And not just from the radiation 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[BC] Diffuse keep talking and nobody votes

stop talking or else I'll explode

Damn [political party]

I was thinking while watching this that someone should mod this into the game

yup

I have a wrench in my backpack so I might just be the only person actually able to vote democrat, and I'm an Australian

People seem to be missing this line

go to the top of the comments, click on the 3 dots, and select “newest first.” you’re welcome ;)

Indeed.

Instructions unclear, reported your reply instead.

oh, now I see why it's called the onion

@@everyonesaidmynamewasstupi3713 thanks!

I know it's 5 years late for the comment and 25 years late for the show, but how was the silver monkey so damn hard for so many kids!?

@@fknutz4400 It's amazing what a bit of panic will do to absolutely crush your reasoning skills. it's like God said "I'm gonna make these monkeys really smart, *except* when under any kind of stress. Then it's a one-way ticket to stupidtown! choo choo!"

The "Tim Conner" actor from this video is also used in other Onion videos in particular the video "Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing B.A. In Communications' On Résumé"

Jessie Woodard he’s a terrible movie critic, maybe he was a terrible inventor too.

@@Michael-pf8we Heresy! He is the greatest film critic of all time, I'm just impressed he has the time to also be an esteemed inventor

Waldo I don’t know what I was thinking

Leave an onion long enough and it turns to fine wine.

I hear Vietnam now has exceptional highways.

Lies, Hitler would never tolerate Asians, unless they're Japanese.

Hasn’t always been, we just blew it

How can you say that when Biden's votes where so obviously rigged?

@@morgs456 how can you say that after we have phonecalls of trump and rudy asking officials to find more votes and literally no evidence of biden cheating?

@@samueleveleigh2767 what do you mean no evidence ! It's everywhere Just Google dead people voting for Biden

And lastly if there was even a shred of evidence then one of the over 200 judges trump personally appointed would have at least heard the case of election fraud www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2020-54874120 www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/18/dead-voter-conspiracy-theory-debunked www.factcheck.org/2020/11/thin-allegations-of-dead-people-voting/ www.politifact.com/factchecks/2020/nov/07/tweets/list-does-not-show-over-14000-dead-people-cast-bal/

@@samueleveleigh2767 yea. If your "sources" are the guardian and BBC mate then , well yea.......

Parody