I don't know if it takes too much courage... More just the cooperation of others. Tons of wives ask their husbands to get up the next time the baby cries and he just grumbles and sinks deeper into his pillow. You know how it goes. Lol.

I never felt guilty for asking help with my baby. The problem is that no one was willing to truly help with her. Even when i found myself having a two month period after a failed pregnancy which led to surgery and had as an outcome the above mentioned.

​@el7dian I'm so sorry. I have 3 kids. My cousin has 2. We are both stay at home moms. I've told her repeatedly "just call and bring the kids over when you need to. You want to get the house cleaned up? Bring them over. Need some quiet or a nap, bring them over" I'm sorry you didn't have that support

💯 my single mom felt so guilty to leave me at my grandparents so she could nap and do laundry

@Pets Crafts and Wonderful Things OH I know how it goes sometimes believe me. What I meant by courage is that I know a lot of them feel to guilty to even ask. My grandson was about 4 mos old and my husband and I spent the night at our daughter's. She let us keep him with us that night with a bottle she had pumped. She came in about 2 hours later balling her eyes out because she felt like she was abandoning him. I assured her she wasn't and told her how good she had done letting him stay that long. Now that he's 2 he does sleep over and watching them reunite is so cute.

Shaking, crying and misery are not part of a baby withdrawal. They fucked up the meds.

@Anunnaki Crown No one screwed anything up other than the bio mom. You are 100% incorrect. This is straight from Stanford Children's Health. "Symptoms of withdrawal in full-term babies may include: Trembling. Too much crying or high-pitched crying." This is from March of Dimes "Signs may include: Body shakes (tremors), seizures (convulsions), overactive reflexes (twitching), and tight muscle tone. Fussiness, excessive crying, or having a high-pitched cry. Poor feeding or sucking or slow weight gain." If you need more proof, I have absolutely no problem with providing it, just let me know!

Why do you think that is? That's the standard? Shaking babies?

Keep providing, standing by.

@@anunnakicrown that’s normal the baby is literally withdrawing from drugs. Shaking is a physical response from that.

yes exactly! it's a totally different experience for me when i have earplugs in. I wish i had used them from the beginning.

​@@foster.parentingThank you for this tip! I work in childcare, with several children with IEPs and some others just with poor home training, so it can definitely get overwhelming! Earbuds are a no-no (it usually means someone's on their phone and not paying attention) but earplugs are even less visible and can't be used as a distraction. Think I'm gonna try them!

​@@foster.parenting I'm a mother of 4. A 13 year old son with ASD (level 1) and ADHD, a 12 year old son with ADHD, a 3 year old daughter who was born with a heart condition that required 2 heart surgeries, a week apart, at 3 months old, the first week of covid, and she also has ASD (level 3), and a 9 month old daughter. When my heart baby was released from the hospital after her surgeries, she hadn't been properly weaned off of all the the really intense pain medications and sedatives it required for her to get through the first weeks of her recovery, we knew within hours of bringing her home, and ended up back at (a different) hospital in less than 12 hours. They admitted her to the picu and put her back on lower doses of the medications and continued to properly wean her for another 2.5 weeks. It was so hard the entire time, but it wasn't easy when we brought her home, finally. She cried more hours of the day and night than she didn't, for months. I was exhausted and burnt out, even though my husband works from home and has always been an incredible help with all of the kids! All of that is to say: yes to eat plugs. I'd even recommend leveling up to ear buds, so you can listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks, etc. anything that can help keep you calm and keep your mind off of focusing on how overwhelming and frustrated it can be to have a baby that you sometimes feel helpless to soothe. Just wish I'd figured it out before baby #4! But I know now, and it helps me regulate myself when my littlest has ear infections and she's feeling miserable. It doesn't always work. I ask for breaks and help, a lot. And that is not only okay, but best for baby and caregiver!

💯

@@tgbluewolf there are some that don't even look like earplugs but like jewelry, for example the "Look" earplugs but I've seen others too.

SOMETIMES the parents just need someone to believe in them and to actually care. Caseworkers usually aren't the greatest at that.

that baby and his parents were incredibly lucky to have you. ❤

YOU ARE SO STRONG AND IM SO PROUD OF EVERY VERSION OF YOU.

​@@thekiahjane "I'm so proud of every version of you" will be my highest verbal offering going forward.

@@adiposeNarnian Aweh, thank you! I try to make a point to also try to say it to myself- it’s so important

@@thekiahjane that's beautiful. You deserve it.

You are a godsend too!

We also created a bottle/medication station and it's been really helpful. We have bottles, syringes, meds, a sink, water warmer, medical binder, Dr's numbers, and calendar (for Dr appointments) all in one spot. We also keep the binder open to the dosage and schedule just to make sure we are double checking everytime. It's easy to make a mistake when you are sleep deprived. I understand not everyone can do this but if you have the space, I'd recommend trying it.

Will babies like this be able to make a full recovery, or will there be lifelong challenges for them? 😢

​@Dreaming Dreamer there is definitely the possibility of long term effect, but babies can and often do make a full recovery.

@@riggs20 hey I’m not a pediatrician or an expert but just in the research I’ve done- There can be long term effects on these children including developmental delays, difficulties behaviorally/emotionally/physically, troubles with hearing, vision, etc., as well as being very vulnerable to addiction in general. But of course anything can happen and every child is different. Some experience more severe effects while some experience little/none.

@@riggs20 it’s best to be realistic. Many of these kids will eventually make a partial or full recovery. Some won’t. Something to keep in mind is that some of these parents also drink as well as do drugs, so you have FASD there as well. With one of my kids, she’s nearly four years behind emotionally, with terrible ADHD symptoms, poor emotional regulation, and extreme sensitivity. She will likely not be able to recover more than this. And she is one of the best case scenarios.

This was so heartwarming to read

True teamwork!

Reading about actual teamwork with parenting? I'm sad that that's a first for me, but I'm really happy to have read about your example! I hope you lot keep going well :)

Sounds like me with my husband! Thank God for him. I'd had a C-section and baby was 6 weeks early. These first months have been rough rough. Baby was home after 1 week and I felt like a train had hit me. I was discharged from the hospital Sunday and took baby home Tuesday. If I hadn't had my husband, I'd have been lost. My parents are bother elderly, mom is 83 and grandmother is 97. Mom is sickly and they can't do anything to help.

I so wish I'd had that kind of support with my colicky son. He worked f/t but saw childcare as my job

I’m sober 15 months and counting for my 5 babies.

@@RowesRising congratulations!!!! May you have a beautiful life

Congrats!

Praying for the mother to get help and hopefully have a relationship with her baby 🩵

i second this! i have a pair and they are AMAZING!!

Thanks for the tip!

I also second this I have a pair and I love them so much

Oh my Lord...

When they say exposed babies, they're talking about pregnancy, of course we can't remember (by own experience), but the chemical addiction is there from the pregnancy time on and you'll have to discover it, because not everyone who went through it know their histories and deal with it for the rest of your life, even though you didn't use anything ever before. And the damage made by those substances can be permanent, so people who want to use their stuff, should think better about contraceptive methods, or sterilize themselves, so they won't ruin somebody else's life, specially when they didn't ask for it.

I once knew a couple kids who'd been born with fetal alcohol syndrome, and yeah they had some learning/behavior struggles. I lost contact with them at the start of covid but heard from their family recently and they're doing better. Please take care of yourself. You're worth being healthy and safe. ❤

​@@stefany2024 she was talking about them not remembering going through the withdrawals which happens after they are born not during the pregnancy. No need to be so condescending.🙄

​@Hyperlophus I absolutely agree. She is obviously carrying too much bitterness to give unbiased advice/info

@@stefany2024 you should really look into the disenfranchisement of black neighborhoods and how that intersects with addiction before you start rattling on about sterilizing addicts. its genuinely a problematic sentiment to be sharing

My daughter, adopted from fostercare, was born with the entire drug panel positive. She didn't "sleep" for a couple of years straight; she was 4 before she slept throught the night. I couldn't even express that level of exaustion to anyone. Most of the babies I cared for had exposure. They require tons of quiet, consistency of care patterns and extra love. Formula/ feeding is tricky because of their nausea from the withdraw from opiates, including methodone. She recieved only 3 days of hospital medication because she was born full term depite the huge amount of exposure; withdrawal last a very, very long time. In my case it's been worth it. Shes 12, still struggling from the effects of fetal exposure but I'm very blessed to have her.

@@daschwarz1649 Your daughter is so lucky to have you!

I went through that with my nephew as well and didn't ask anyone for help or talk about how hard it was until years later.... it was definitely one of the lowest points of my life, I was so overwhelmed and exhausted

Not to mention that there can be behavioral , emotional and learning problems that last a lifetime.

That’s not really accurate the withdrawal with make you terribly Sick not just agitated.

@@RainbowRantz I understand, I’m talking about the reaction being the opposite of what most people would think. Babies coming off meth are listless and babies coming off heroin are very sensitive, agitated, and need very quiet peaceful environments. They can even be uncomfortable with touch. But sure, you win

​​​​​@@Eclipse1369 I'm surprised anyone would think otherwise, it's common sense. if heroin causes euphoria and sedation coming off it would cause agitation and pain (in addition to being dopesick), etc. Taking blood pressure meds lowers blood pressure so getting off it you will have some raised blood pressure. This is really basic cause and effect withbalmost every medicine or drug on earth. I really hope ppl don't confuse getting off heroin with being on heroin, but did you find that to be true that ppl actually think such illogical thing? Good lord, that doesn't sound like someone who should be taking care of any babies. I'm sorry you've had to deal w such nonsense to the point it needs being said.

@@Eclipse1369 alright then. I wasn’t saying you were wrong

@Bluefrog Its worse than you can imagine from my experience. Ear plugs make you capable of caring for them - you can hear them clearly through the plugs.

Everything in this thread is deeply moving but it was your post that brought me to tears. Wishing you all happiness and blessings!

Wow, thanks for writing this beautiful and honest comment. At 18 with such wisdom, kid, you’re going places! Everyone watching this is proud 👏🏼 of 👏🏼 you 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼

This outlook is truly incredible after all you've been through. I wish you all the best.

I cant help but believe you would have been just as lovely & positive had you NOT bn put thru all that unnecessary hardship. (That is NOT to criticize your mother or anyone else. Im only addressing your very natural-born disposition..despite any/all circumstances, past or present).

Actually a lot of times family services will flat out lie to get these kids placed and know the kids have these issues. I’ve known plenty of parents who have sued their states DCFS and won. To get the kids more funding for therapy etc. Any parent adopting -literally expect that the child has every problem or has had every kind of abuse. Most of the time it is true. Be ready for anything and you might pull through ok, and be willing to fight the gov for what the kid needs.

Im sure you know teachers that ought to follow suit.

What a testimony. I can only wish you the best. I'm sorry that you and your siblings had to go through that.

Exactly what I was thinking. What the poor baby must be going through, and the birth mother as well. Whether she's trying to get clean or not, it's a hard road.

How many chances do they get though? We see kids going back & forth between parents & foster care so often because they are given chance after chance after chance. There should be no second chances when it comes to the safety of children. Fuck it up enough to get your kids taken away one time & that should be it for you. Spay & neuter & no contact with your kids until they’re grown & able to defend themselves.

@@skyes7369 yet some parents absolutely DO get their lives in order after the first time. We don’t immediately rip all foster kids away from their natal family forever from the jump because it isn’t always in the best interest of the kids. I’m not saying there should be endless chances, but the idea that no second chances should be given is just punitive.

In recovery you learn you need to put something higher that’s not faulty for you to surrender too, because eventually perceived or otherwise they let you down. Then you use that as an excuse to go back out. It’s why people choose god or allah, heck even a kid I knew said SpongeBob.

Hugs ❤

The lethargic ones are at much higher risk for "failure to thrive ". Sometimes it is necessary to stimulate them in order to get them to eat/drink.