Honestly, as a survivor, I can say one of the MOST important things you can do is to give the power of choice back to the kid. A lot of trauma stems from helplessness- to stop themselves from being hurt, to stop others from being hurt, etc. Giving them choice where reasonable and safe is the BEST thing you can do

The three most important words when dealing with abuse, "I Believe You". Especially when others may not have.

"That will not happen in this home" made me tear up.

Someone said to me "I believe you" when I told them about my husband's abuse. I didn't even realize how comforting that would feel.

Never tell a child to stop talking about something, it hurts way more than you can understand.

I'm 37 and have been having abuse flashbacks this evening, so weirdly, it was like an "adultier adult" helping me have a listening ear finally. Just the "I BELIEVE you" alone had me tearing up. 😢

It’s so hard hearing this from children. I agree with being emotionally regulated yourself. My relative’s 5yo daughter “all of a sudden” told me about all these things her relative had done with her. This was in spontaneous conversation. I was making a bed and she just started talking. You really have to be quick on your feet with kids who have suffered abuse. Anything can be said at any time. Agree

There was this young woman who had worked as a Disney character in the park or a super hero character at some bday party and she said they would take THAT MOMENT to beg them (with all their superpowers) to stop their abusers.

I feel like my inner child is being healed listening to you. No parent no one talked to me like this when I was SAed by a family member. Thank you.

Wow. This made me cry. I think the little girl inside of me, who was never validated, longed to hear these beautiful words. "Adults should never do that." "I believe you, and it's not your fault." "You're safe, and it won't happen here."

As a survivor of CSA who wasn’t believed by the other adults in my life when I was only 7 years old, I wish so much that they had spoken to me this way. I spent so much time being upset, angry, and just very hurt, and distrustful of people I should have been able to trust because of that. This video has me in tears, my inner child really needed to hear someone say these things in a caring compassionate way.

I love how you share these videos. I know this is slightly off-topic but as an adult now, just hearing "grown-ups are not allowed to do that" hit something in me. Honestly felt like you were talking to my inner child

Thank you for reminding the adults to do things to regulate themselves. Hearing about abuse can be very upsetting no matter your age. It is important to stay calm and supportive in front of the child but it’s still good to acknowledge when you have strong feelings and take care of yourself.

I was a foster kid 30 years ago, where were you? You are truly a GOD send! Thank you!!!

One of my foster parents told me “you’re going to help so many people with that knowledge” when I tell some of the things my other bad foster parents did. It did so much. I felt like a secret agent. I kept telling so no one could be hurt by them.

If anyone ever wondered what an angel looked like , here she is ❤️

That "I believe you" would've made all the difference for me, I convinced myself for years, decades, that I was just being dramatic. Thank you so much for these wonderful videos and your work as a parent.

I spend a lot of time feeling awful because I never told anyone what was going on because I thought that the alternative was worse. I'm glad kids have people like you out there

Do you think it’s appropriate to tell them who will be informed? I know there’s an argument that it will only upset the child further, but speaking for personal experience when a child expects something to be private and later finds out it was shared (even if that is necessary) it can really disrupt trust.

“Grown ups are not allowed to do that.” That is such a fantastic line! Very affirming, making it clear that it wasn’t the child’s fault, I absolutely love it.

I’m so impressed by your authenticity, your love towards the children and the lessons you teach us here. Is there a link to a video where you explain why you started to be a foster parent? Thank you!

Thank you for your videos. As a child welfare worker for 15 years I have been that caseworker calling foster parents begging for placement, I have shown up at a door to a new house with four children and they have nothing but the clothes they are wearing, I have been there through those steps and have always believed that foster parents are hero’s who don’t wear capes. So thank you for supporting your tribe, thank you for being positive and sharing messages of positivity. Just thank you.

I needed someone like this when I was a child. Thank you for being that person for these children. You make a big difference in the world and to so many people. You are even helping heal adults through social media. You can tell that you genuinely care about people. Thank you! 🤗💕😭

I am literally a 19-year-old woman, but I love watching your videos. Hearing the way you talk is really comforting and it is just so sweet.

Trauma therapist here. Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for sharing this ❤️

I worked with special needs children and one of them told the head teacher next to me (loud enough that I could hear) that his father wouldn’t stop hitting his mother last night and he was scared. She handled it terribly! She literally just told him to stop talking about it. She should have responded more like you. I know it’s not exactly the same but it’s in the same idea. You did a perfect example of the right way to respond.

“I believe you.” that hit hard. I would’ve burst into tears if someone had said that to me when I was young

These are great responses to anyone, child or not. ❤

I'm no Foster Child but I didn't know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you❤ I wish more people would react this way other than dismissing the feelings and experiences that were just shared.

I've never had this reaction from a parent or caretaker. Thanks for sharing this great example. I hope people will take it to heart.

What a blessing to be heard and believed. Thank you for demonstrating how to care.

This was really tough for my mom to learn as well, after my dad abused me. This is exactly how I wish she handled things but instead she went into that fix it investigation mode you mentioned.

And also just add to this for people who aren't aware, if a child asks you to keep it a secret or to not tell anybody about the abuse, gently and carefully tell them this is not possible and you have to tell whoever it is appropriate to tell e.g the social worker/case manager. Do not lie to children or keep promises you are not able to keep. I would also advise that when the conversation with the child has finished and you have the opportunity to do so, make physical notes of what was said, including writing down the exact wording of what the child has said if possible.

I would have given anything to know someone like you when I was a child. Anything. You're wonderful.

I'm going to add: DO NOT promise to keep anything secret. Then you're stuck because you have to report it and then you've lost all trust. Be honest if they ask if you'll tell someone.

thank you for sharing how to support the child and regulate yourself too. i haven't fostered (yet), but I've worked at a summer camp where a couple kids shared stuff with me. i never realized how difficult it would be as the listener.

I’m a teacher and often children disclose and don’t have an emotional attachment to it as they genuinely don’t understand what happened to them was wrong. Therefore I would be careful what I say to them. If I say it was wrong it may lead to guilt feeling that they couldn’t stop it. However I’m sure as a foster parent you would take the lead off the child and help them to understand all of those issues.

There is nothing more to say about than awesome! You are so sensitive in dealing with childhoodtrauma which ist absolutely not typical in our society (unfortunately). I am just happy for each child getting the possibility to learn that there are persons in life who are not threatening. Thank you for your lovely and greatful work!

You must be such an amazing foster parent! Your videos to be totally honest have made me want to become a foster parent too! What you are doing is truly amazing!

As an adult who is still understanding my childhood trauma, I’m gonna save this video. ❤

Thank god for this woman. As a survivor myself I was tearing up listening to this. I wish somebody had treated me this way years ago

How amazing you made yourself the safest most caring comfortable place for the child to rest. ❤️❤️

Those three words, "I believe you" meant more to me than anything. There were only a handful of people in my life that directly told me they believed me, and those people are still in my life today. I think a lot of people forget that when a child is abused, they will be questioned by others, usually gaslit by their abusers and relatives, and maybe have that reinforced by authorities who do not have enough evidence to charge the parents. To this day, I freak out of somebody accuses me of lying. Validating a child who has been abused is sooooo sooo needed.

I teared up. I broke down and told My psychiatrist something noone else believed me about. Not even my parents. And my psychiatrist told me she was a mandated reporter and I wouldnt give her their names. If I had someone talk to me like THIS, I think I wouldve given up some more details and maybe their names. (I know this is for foster kids but the tone, support, and validation is amazing, and SO important.)

Thank you for sharing this. The first time I heard of a child being neglected and abused and I was an adult, I freaked out. I tried to investigate, & find a way to fix it. Your advice is something everyone needs to know. I passed the info to someone who called child services.

I’m a teacher and used these the other day when a child was sharing with me. Thank you for this❤❤❤

I use a lot of these strategies when children I work with (I work at a daycare) confide in me what their home life is like, regardless of abuse there’s always something that is hard for them. As a person who grew up in foster homes and with a really dis-regulated home life, I try to talk to them like how I wanted to be validated when I was their age.

I don’t know how it is that you understand these things so well but I am so glad someone is out there sharing this information. Thank you. ❤

You're so right. Give the power of respect and openness to the child. As soon as a child starts to feel safe they will open up,as long as you remind them that whatever they say is safe with you but that no matter what you will do,what is necessary. Whether that be just listening or reporting who ever the abuser is. That's your job. 👍☀️😇

This was the hardest part of being a foster sister and foster parent. Thanks for sharing.

I wish I had that support back in the 90’s. Foster care was hell! I love your videos. Thank you for being one of the good ones! Web need more people that not in for the money. Kids are more than monetary checks. 😢

Abused kids (past a certain age, spesifically, like 8+) often grow up too fast out of necessity, and interact with other people more like how adults do. So having a calm conversation as equals is very useful. Safety and validation both come first if course, but after that talking about what the child wants and needs like how you would with a similarly abused adult is useful. Being open and honest is also helpful. Abused kids know when they're being placated or lied to by commission.

As a survivor my family made me feel as though i had to hold onto everything by myself. Didnt get me a therapist or anything. I sat alone in my room suffering from PTSD + insomnia + agoraphobic from 6th grade - 11th grade just stuck in those loops and i had no one i could go to. I still struggle to feel safe in this world. You dont have to have all the answers or know what to do for the child. Just be there for them. Listen to them. Understand that they are hurting so deeply and know that all they really need is someone to keep them safe and healthy. Someone who cares if they eat, sleep or have someone to talk to. Even for a moment. Can make a huge difference.

This is so awesome for any parent or person to watch. 1) I believe you 2) this won’t happen in this house 3) thank you for sharing this with me - this must have been hard for you (I should have told someone that this week). Thank you

My foster parents didn't care They were awkward and their decision was they just didn't feel like listening since it's not light-hearted And they just sort of left you alone with it because deep down, they decided it was just your problem to deal with

it takes a strong person to do foster care, and some people just arent cut out for it, its refreshing to see foster parents that not only great foster parents but you give great advice that is sometimes applicable for other families as well, whether its biological, adoptive or guardianship, thank you for all the amazing work you do to help the kids in your home and others, you are making a difference in so many lives

Hearing you say these things made me, a 28 year old survivor, cry. Thank you for helping me heal my inner child

Even though I'm an adult, I like to watch your videos and cry at the comfort it gives me. I am a survivor of CSA and hearing your gentle words make me feel safe. I was not able to disclose the abuse I was suffering when I was a child, so hearing you speak to "me" like I was a child saying things like "I believe you" and "it wasn't your fault" and "that won't happen here" is very healing for me. thank you for your kind soul.

"Grownups are not allowed to do that." 💔 what a great way to explain that adults have expectations to follow just as kids do.

Sharing your responses to common things kids may deal with should be part of all foster parent’s initial and continuing education! Most children are uncomfortable, afraid, anxious, don’t trust adults, and so much more!!

I’m also a mandatory reporter, and was told it’s really helpful to help give some power back and explaining to the child that there are certain people you will have to tell, and that you are honored in their trust in you

As a survivor I wish I had this reaction. 💜

These videos, on this channel, are so helpful to understand how to re-parent oneself. Years later. God bless you and keep you. And PLEASE keep making videos 💜🙏💜

You are making a HUGE difference in the lives of children who experienced trauma. I love your content as a mental health professional 💜 If we can teach parents these skills, support them… what a difference we can make in the lives of the next generation as they parent their own children markedly different and break those generational cycles.

You are such a beautiful human. I really really admire you! One of my heroes. All that empathy and wisdom you have. You were born to help these innocent little angels ❤ Thank you for everything you do. Im so happy to see the difference youve been making and the knock on effects and ripples. I am relieved to know you exist ❤

You're content makes me wanna bawl like a baby. I remember having his talk with my dad and step mom almost 2 full years after I moved in with them. They looked just... utterly destroyed by what I told them. They knew there was neglect, but I don't think it really crossed their mind that the abuse would also be so... physical. You know, I think it's hard for caretakers not to blame themselves when a child comes to them with abuse, even if they weren't in your household when it happened. To those wonderful, amazing caretakers, I have a message: It wasn't you. You were not the one who hurt the child in front of you. Do not blame yourself. If you knew the child before this, it's easy to think that you should have noticed the signs but honestly? Sometimes there are no signs. Sometimes those signs could point to a million different possibilities. Sometimes you know and there's nothing you can do about it because, even though you are kind, the systems you have to work within isn't. Just as abuse isn't the fault of the child, it isn't your fault either. It is the fault of the abuser. So don't blame yourself, we can tell when you do, and it makes us sad. So stay kind and, if you can, help the child heal. And if you must be angry at someone? Don't be angry with yourself, be angry at the abusive monster who hurt that kid.

Bring a mandated reporter is hard. I am grateful for all of you out there that are. Thank you!

"grownups are not allowed to do that" and "I believe you" Really beautiful

Hearing her say “this isn’t your fault” made me tear up

After you said "this is not your fault" I honestly started tearing up. I know this is an informative video, but i can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. Thank you so much for doing what you're doing.

I took two kids last night and as I'm talking to Placement, your videos are going through my head. What good role modeling you provide to us foster parents. Thanks! 💝

You insight is applicable on so many different levels. Thank you.

It was so difficult listening to memories of my son’s past with his Birth parents. He’s 15 now & his BF wants to reconnect. It’s our son’s choice and we support him 1000%! ❤

I’m gonna be honest, your videos help me with all my relationships. They give a chance to reflect on myself and others. I appreciate your content

I believe you. I waited 16 years to hear this. I finally heard it from my own son, who listened and believed.

I just appreciate your videos and all you do for kids. Thank you for your care and love.

That "I believe you" can change their whole life

I wish it was you I had growing up. Gosh I am 33 and your videos just make my inner child feel so safe.

I’m in foster care and my first foster carer probably did more harm to me than my biological parents. I’m so happy you are a good example for all foster carers out there, and I’m happy there’s still good ones (like my current ones who will be adopting me very soon)

Sometimes hearing “I believe you” from just one person is the breakthrough some people need to change. But sometimes it can be the difference in life and death to hear somebody say I believe you.

You’re so good at being empathetic. Feel like you’ve been through it to hold space like this and share the content you do. Really admire your care and kindness

This lady is an angel

This world needs way more good foster parents. Thank you for what you do.

Your shorts make me wish I had a family like yours, I would’ve been such a good foster kid😭

Thank you Laura

Now we just need 500,000 more of this lady and we will be ok!

Oh how I wish I could talk to you as a child who was in care and is now 24 The respect I have for you and ugh I wanna say so much personal things I just can’t here. Thank you for these

okay i'm crying now 🥺 i needed someone like you when i was a kid. not even as a foster parent but just as someone i couldve trusted with things i was afraid to share. i just didnt want to be a burden.

Just a little tip to tuck into your pocket if anyone happens to see this... If you have a placement that you know or suspect has come out of a DV situation - of any age, not just the wee ones - being given choice of how to communicate needs is extremely helpful to those that have difficulty verbalizing or speaking up about it. There's "come tell me when you need anything", which is great for some, but for me, I'd hide instead. I did not speak much, nor could I bring myself to ask for time from an adult. I had a brilliant foster parent that watched and noticed everything I did, the small cues and patterns that I didn't recognise myself. And got to know me through body language instead of spoken word. And he gave me so many ways to express what I needed or how I felt without needing to say it out loud. If I was feeling anxious and just wanted to be in the room with someone, I could sit on a specific chair in the kitchen with a book or something, that way someone would know what state I was in, but that I preferred to not engage at the moment. If I did want to talk, there was a discreet way I could ask for that. If I needed something to do, there was a way to indicate that. (being put into motion, doing a chore, contributing to a task, or helping are things that I found calming, and would often stop the anxiety/fear/anger from ratcheting out of control..... this may not be true for everyone, but being in and out of foster care for many years and then finally being seen and understood by this person completely changed my life and how I handled myself. A month at this place healed me more than a decade of therapy. So many pivotal, monumental moments that still strike me today with their magnitude.) I used to run off when my mind became too chaotic. Without telling anyone. This man was a former police officer and I was staying with his parents. It did not occur to me that they would be worried by my absence, or even notice I was missing. One day, I had taken off and upon my return, I could see him standing up on the hill by the road. Once he saw me through the trees, he sat down. I thought i was about to be punished in some awful way, or told to pack my stuff and get out. But when he sat, the apprehension lessened, and it made the rest of the walk a little easier to trudge through, despite the sinking feeling in my gut. He kept everything super soft. His gaze, his voice, his energy. He gently explained that I couldn't just leave without telling someone, and they preferred I didn't go into the mountain forest alone. He set some rules that I could still visit the woods, but had to maintain a visual on the road, had to ask permission, and someone had to be home.

Wish I would have heard this when I was younger. You seem like a great care taker.

you're incredibly insightful and kind. May God Bless you and the very meaningful work you do.

Tbh, the firmness of "that was not your fault" and "that will not happen here" are SO IMPORTANT!!! Communicating that what they experienced was abnormal behaviour and that they aren't going to experience it from you is a big deal emotionally

I had my first student come up to me and tell me he was being abused at home. It broke my heart. Hos grandparents know and are fighting for him but I'm keeping a watchful eye, too. ❤

As a fully grown adult who has experienced abuse during puberty and only recently (after more than a decade and never telling literally anyone) dared to tell a psychiatrist about it... thank you. I know I'm not your target audience, but... "Grown-ups are not allowed to do that" just really hits differently. You're doing so much good work for these children. Thank you.

I wish I had been gifted with a mother like you

I needed this. Literally no one NO ONE said these things to me. I really grew up thinking i had to be tough and not dwell on the past. I just had to be grateful..... im never doing or saying those things to a child ever

"I believe you." The only statement stronger than "I love you."

I don't foster, but I work with kids, and some of the content you create is really helpful for me. Thank you so much for sharing.

I know this is an older video but hearing things like "grown ups are not allowed to do that" and "this was not your fault" really spoke to my younger self. I don't like to acknowledge that I went through a lot but I did and I'm still recovering years down the line

As a survivor of teenage DV, I can say this is exactly what I would’ve needed