"When I was a kid, I used to think adults were unfair too. Yet here I am, Just another lying grown-up." - Kazuma Kiryu, Yakuza 0.

That Microplay guy that denied Woolie’s victory probably went on to be the cop that stole that kids lunch. And his name was probably Eric Sparrow

"I don't care, you didn't win" he said as he lightly stroked the Atomic Purple Game Boy that he had stolen years before.

Woolie was so absurdly strong at that game that no one was willing to admit how strong he was Woolie was Saitama that day

When Woolie is seething through his teeth, you know the grudge is real! D:

Classic parent and elder lines. "Don't touch my computer you'll break it." Followed by weeks later. "Fix my computer its slow."

When I was a kid, my mom just _would not_ believe me when I said whale sharks exist. She took a fifty dollar bet that they didn't. She never paid me.

I once had a teacher like this back in High School, she lost some important papers and claimed that somebody in class stole them and for some reason locked onto one of the more nerdy dudes in class and insisted he stole them since he was the closest to her desk, she sent him to the office for the first time in his life and the Administration took the Teacher at her word and suspended the kid. She found the papers a bit later and when we all called her out and being wrong she demanded we all shut up and made us sit in silence for the rest of the period. On the bright side, the kid she got suspended came back the next day and she got fired less than a month later. Edit: Since this got so much attention I should add that she didn't get fired for being a terrible teacher (She was tho) she got fired because a bunch of kids caught her in the parking lot Hotboxing in her car.

Between this and the lunch stealing cop, this podcast is generating some good bargain bin Persona 5 villains

That is a supervillain origin. More specifically, that's one of the Riddler's origins. His father kept beating him because he believed he cheated and lied to pass tests and win contests.

This is one of those stories that shapes you as a child into the human being you are today. To the point that thinking about it forces you to grit your teeth and experience the hatred all over again.

Dad: The computer's running slow. Are you downloading something? Me: I have turned my MacBook off. It is closed. There is absolutely no bandwidth flowing through me right now. *A few seconds later* Dad: You're still downloading something. I can tell.

Woolie is becoming more and more like Vergil as time progresses.

The stubborn old people talk reminds me of a story of mine. About 12 years ago at my uncle's house he had slippery rug/door mat that had zero friction at the bottom of it. It was aslo placed on a wood panel floor to keep the shoes on and it would be placed on the front step. I told him that thing is really dangerous, with grandma exercising and occasionally playing light soccer something terrible will happen, and I would show him how fucking slippery the thing is to his face. He goes and tells me "No it will be fine, no need to replace." I try to tell everyone else to convince him but it's his house and his rules. LO AND BEHOLD a month later grandma slips and badly injures her back, like 3-4 months medical care injure. They threw out that fucking carpet, and you know what I did? I went to the dumpster where it was, cut off a big piece of it and placed it on his pillow along with a note as a reminder, that his kid's stupid decisions might end up killing him.

11:15 When I was a teen, my mom was the one who would always complain that if the family PC was acting up, it was my games and my fault. Not the 10 toolbars on Internet Explorer that somehow got installed. Not the spyware that came with [insert bonzi buddy-esque software here].

My mom straight up started saying "No loopholes" by the time I was a teen because EVERY SINGLE TIME she told me to (not) do something she knew I wouldn't like I was able to completely destroy her with logic, but she was too stubborn to just pull out the "Because I said so". She'd say/do anything else, but those words never came out of her mouth in that order. Every time I heard "No loopholes" at the end of sentence I'd get so fucking butthurt, lmao. But the one thing that I remember pissing me off the most happened when I was like 14. I was only allowed to use tech for an hour a day (unless I was doing something with my siblings), but I wanted to read on my Kindle because I'd already read every book of interest in the house at least 5 times each and had nothing else to do. A few minutes after I had started reading, she saw me with it and flew off the handle, but here's the part of the exchange that really got me. "What's the problem?" "You've already used your tech time for the day." "But I'm just reading. This can't even do anything else." "I don't care, get off it." "Mom, if I had the books I want to read on this here in front of me physically, would you let me read them?" "Yes." "What. Then will you buy me physical copies?" "No." "THEN WHY WON'T YOU LET ME READ THEM ON THIS?!" Shockingly I was... not satisfied with the answer i received.

Pat following this whole thing up with "I should tell big lies to my nephew" is exactly what i expected

My mom is West Indian and this friendcast was TOO REAL for me.

There is an alternate universe out there where Woolie became a super villain and I'm remiss I don't live in that world.

I remember a long ass time ago I got a trial disc of WoW from gamestop and because this was WAAAAY back in the day, it took awhile to install the game. So my mom goes "are you still waiting for that thing?" I tell her yeah but that it's a big game and needs more time. "You take that off right now! You're infecting our computer with viruses!" And when I asked what she meant her reply was "Whenever you play on your Playstation it just works. Why would you need to install this?!" And thus that was the reason I never touched PC gaming until I got my first job after highschool

Do you think that guy felt real proud that he ruined a ninth grader’s day?

In this video Woolie almost kills Matt with anecdote about Frenchman who thinks that winning is cheating.

When I was in roughly 7th or 8th grade--so around 11 or 12 years old for reference--I was patted down like a criminal for drugs and had candy stolen from me by my teacher. I was this super nerdy kid who liked reading and math and other Melvin shit, so my teacher decided to enroll me in this program where I could skip out on reading time to go down to the "special" classrooms and teach the kids there who had trouble reading how to read better. When I finished helping them out, I'd get to pick a thing out of a candy jar and I'd be sent back up to class with maybe 10 minutes left. Well, I finished up one day and got a pack of sweet tarts and went back up the stairs to class. On the way, I stopped by the bathroom to get a drink of water or to piss or whatever when I saw my friend. Stopped to offer him a sweet tart, went along my way. When I got back to class, some girl went up to the teacher and the teacher pulled me out to the hallway. The MOMENT the door closed, she told me to spread my legs and patted me down, then reached into my pocket and took my sweet tarts away, and just went, "That it?" Apparently the girl that walked up to her desk told her that she saw me in front the bathroom offering my friend drugs. Got pulled out of the reading program, she never gave me my sweet tarts back, and I got suspended because nobody would believe that a fucking 11 year old wasn't a drug kingpin. TLDR; adults are bullshit, teachers are cunts

I feel like that guy gave Woolie the same speech Matilda's dad did. For those of you unfamiliar, "I'm smart you're dumb I'm big you're little I'm right you're wrong. And there's nothing you can do about it."

NOW THIS IS THE CLIP I WAS WAITING FOR

I don't think anyone would have blamed woolie if he gave the dude a black eye

this reminds me of the time the family laptop broke it was over 8 years old and just one day wouldn't turn on no one used the laptop except me once in a long time someone might use it if they couldn't for some reason use their phone to look up something I'm the one blamed cause of the games and anime I watch/play on it NOT that it's 8 YEARS OLD and none of us have a clue on how to properly maintain a laptop I'm like 15 or 16 at the time trying to explain this to people who can't figure out how to turn on the TV sometimes. Feels good to get that out finally.

The origins of Woolie building an oil rig off Costa Rica for his Gamers Without Borders

Breaking news: Woolie uses Poor Man's Rose on the podcast after Pat and Matt attack the console he likes.

See this is why I don't understand why more people aren't like my mom. She actually went out of her way to learn about technology so that she KNEW she was right when she shot me down about stuff lol. Also one of my grandmas was the IT for the bank she worked at so she knew more about tech than I did too. And my dad was the one who got ME into games. ... Okay so I guess my family is fuckin weird. lol

Woolie didnt become super demon Woolie because Crazy Talk just now went back in time and put him on right path after Pat said that was a villain origin story. There is a Butterfly Effect timeline of Woolie burning down the American continent and becoming a dreaded full demon Nero

I remember when I was a preteen I was trying to buy shadow of the Colossus and when I told the guy at the register that I was happy ico finally got a sequel he kept shooting me down every time he even tried to tell me that not only was it not a sequel it was made by a completely different company. The guy was full of shit...

This is the most righteous fury

You Didn't Win 2: Electric Boogaloo

I remember that I had a coworker who said that Microsoft was going to cancel the PS4 so they could give the upcoming X-Box 720 a 5TB hard drive... I had to spend the rest of my shift in the loading dock telling him he was wrong... especially since it was 2016, the PS4 and Xbox ONE were out already, and that Sony makes the Play Station systems, not Microsoft.

Woolie's game lunch got jacked by the "cop".

9:03 Woolie's arm gestures slayed me.

Man, I wish politicians weren't allowed to create rules about things they don't understand.

I have two from this year: "Don't plug the xbox into the pc monitor, you're disconnecting the WIRELESS printer" "All these games are slowing down the cpu... no, no, it's not AOL's fault!

My mom thought youtube videos gave the family computer viruses. She likes to click and read those "you won't believe this-!" Ads to this day I love her but 💢💢💢

I think Woolie answer to what that vendor must have said in french was "Je mon calisse!"

Pat's Bonzi Buddy story also happened to be, except it was with my Mom and something called, like, "Emoticon Station"? Or something? And I kept telling her we needed to uninstall it, but then "I won't be able to use my emoticons in emails." Even though she almost never sent emails and I doubt anyone else would be able to see them anyway

"You Didn't Win 2: Judgment Day!" The true titles of Terminator and Terminator 2?

man, am i glad my mom had me young, because it means that she knows technology better than i do, since she was there for the entire process of it being built and advanced.

The TV thing parents said the ps3 would break the tv woolie said I lived that I was so livid

Beat a game on hardest difficulty and the trophy glitches giving you nothing. Save gone, do it again. That's about the only way you can get "You didn't win"d harder.

And that's how "Woolie the Liar" was born

Once my sis and I agreed to swap ipods so we could listen to eachother's music. Unfortunately, she had set up a lock and I hadn't. I asked her to tell me the code and she refused. I asked her to unlock it herself then, since she obviously didn't trust me, but she was too busy going through MY ipod to unlock her one. So, hoping to get her a lecture, I turned to my Dad and told him the situation. You know what this idiot said to me? "She doesn't have to give you the code. It doesn't matter if you made a deal; these things only count if you get them in writing. Next time you'll remember to sign an agreement." FUCKING HELL DAD I WAS 14! What kinda 14 year old is gonna be creating legal documents for their sister to sign just so that they can use her god damn ipod?! Dunno if this fits the "you didn't win" trope properly, but I feel fury along the same lines.

one time my dad banned me downloading mods from the steam workshop or play garry's mod cause they were causing viruses even though he was the one downloading the viruses and I fucking knew but he won't let me cause he was an adult years later he plays modded EU4 on steam

3 old men complain about how old the old people were when they were younger.

Bonzai Buddy was actually spyware and sending your family's meta-data to the company that ran BB.

I would love if we had these kinds of judges at the Olympics or something. Judges scores: 5.5 5.4 5.5 5.3 0.0 because you cheated I know it.

I would watch a television program called "Villian Origin Stories".

Confirmed: Woolie has Hermit Purple!

It looks like Woolie needs MORE POWER.

This conversation made me so happy

Man, all these stories in the comments are making me appreciate that my father was too negligent to care what I did on the computer.

Woolie.....I feel you, man.....

I wanna hear more about The Troubles and the Voldemort's in Woolie's life.

That guy reminds me of the Matilda's Dad from the movie Matilda. I remember him saying something like "I'm bigger and I'm older and that makes me right." I really hate it now more than ever when ever I see a shitty adult treat a kid like that.

I work in a store trust me is the famous last words from auto zone.

I knew my dad was getting old when he started getting frustrated by online banking. He still can't deposit checks digitally! He was a software engineer for almost 30 years! But because it's on his phone he still just hands it off to me whenever a check comes in.

Little 14 to 15 woolie getting turn away could have been a Villain backstory in where now i want ever one else to suffer for my enjoyment

I feel Woolie's anger.

The worst part is that I am an adult so I can think of a logical response like mentioning something they use has a chance of doing something ridiculous multiple times then asking do they like how it feels when someone knows less about someone than you but insists they are correct...Kids that's free use it if you can do in a smart way.

You didnt win, you didnt win.

I felt physically I'll after hearing the employee refusing to give him the win. What a fucking tool. If only he had the resources we have today back then. It could have been cleared up with a simple google search and call to the publisher. Woolie could have become a villain there and then, but he persevered.

At comic Con in Las Vegas, I played MKX against the guy who played Scorpion on the mortal Kombat movie and won. That is my best tournament story.

Woolie you're looking for ''Je m'en câlisse'' or phonetically ''J'm'en câlisse''. I'm happy you didn't become a villain but that could have been a good origin. Man Pat would hate being black. Cause it's that all day long, ten times as hard.

I can’t believe Liam’s the GameStop champ!

Remember when Woolie didn't win against Michael Rage Quit Jones?

This is a perfect example of how when you're a kid, you just have to put up with bullshit by adults and they get to win instantly because you're the kid and they're the adult.

Microplay's johns were too strong that day

Wow.... Woolie, my Mom had that same click/doubleclick browser/desktop confusion. Thought I was the only one.

Pat's dad: he's funny he tells me jokes about beavers and calls me funny names like expand dong dont you talk shit about bonzai buddy

IRL crying hax because someone's better than you

I’m now imagining Woolie as Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando when Bennett tells him he can’t win: “BULLSHIT!” Followed by a flurry of punches.

To Pat: There is no God there.

Is this the same Gavin who undercut woolies soda hustle at school as a kid?

I would love a console that plays on two TVs.

I think this might be the maddest I’ve ever seen Woolie?

Old plus stupid makes up the bulk of my unhappy childhood memories....

What i hate is when people spouting bullshit about things i wanna buy/just bought. One time i asked about electric shaver i plan on getting, "is it washable?" And she said "yeah its waterproof". So i bought it and read the manual, and shes wrong AF. That could destroy my shit and she would probably not going to admit it. 🤣

Woolie has to set things right on the next woolie versus.

Just remember, arbitrary and arbitration are nearly the same word for a reason.

4:02 now that's an ANIMATED laugh

I’ve had bosses like these people. Big oofs

Maddengelion: You Shall (Not) Win

"And I fucking wan but I lost!"

This is how people get bricks thrown through windows

Is micro-play a funco-land?

Big Oof for Woolie

Holy crap

The adults on my West Indian side of the family, definitely have super armor on their arguments. Gotta Ex through them bad boys LMAO

Zaibatsu, I know exactly how it feels to be dealing with the bullshit of adults no admitting they're wrong because they're adults. I'm STILL dealing with that bullshit with my own family, even at 21 years old. Allow me to regale you guys with two different stories of times my brother didn't bother apologizing for shit he did simply because I was younger. So the first story happened about 2-3 years ago. I had gotten into an argument with my mom over me wearing a jacket to go out(it was like late autumn, early winter) which devolved into a screaming match. Then she got my brother involved, and my brother is 13 years older than me, so you'd expect that he'd be more mature. He and my mom start ganging up on me, as they always do(and btw, this argument happened because I didn't wanna wear a jacket, to go on a ten minute trip to pick up my dad from work). During the screaming match, I called one of them an idiot out of anger, and my brother immediately lunges forward and puts his hands around my neck, attempting to strangle me. I managed to get free, they left without me and I didn't talk to any of them for the rest of the night. Truth be told I should've called the cops on that attempted murder. When I confronted him on a later day, demanding an apology(which I did deserve because he tried to murder me all because I said something rude), he gave me the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. He told me, and I QUOTE, "he wasn't choking me, he was trying to hold me down". My reaction was HOLD ME DOWN? FOR FUCKING WHAT? WHY DID "HOLDING ME DOWN" REQUIRE TOUR HANDS ON MY NECK?. The second story, happened earlier this year, sometime in either September or October. My mom was about to go pick up my dad, and wanted me to fill up her water bottle. We use a brita filter pitcher to fill it with tap water and it filters it. I had just filled the brita thing up like minutes before she asked me, so it wasn't super cold yet. When I told her this, I then offered to get some ice cubes out of our freezer for her to put in the bottle. She declined, stating that "it'll just make it tap water"(because we fill our ice cube trays with tap water as well). Now, I should've just let it go, sure, but my confusion at her claim compelled me to say "wait what? How?". Then we got into a big science argument about how the ice melting isn't gonna make the entire bottle full of tap water, and that the ice isn't gonna melt fast enough for that to really be a problem. She then gets my brother involved again(who at this point in the story and even now irl has STILL not apologized for trying to strangle me). Now my mom likes to do this when she and I argue, call in another family member to explain her side to me because "I don't get it"(her words for saying that I won't blindly agree with her or admit she's right on something because she thinks she's infallible and demands that we treat her the same way). Now in my family, usually when the initial argument ends, I end up getting a "your life in general" lecture about the bigger things I'm not doing or doing wrong in my life and whatnot. When we moved to that point during this disagreement, my brother ended up accusing me of constantly making my mom raise her blood pressure(even though he does worse shit than me all the time) and then proceeded to say "if mom has a heart attack because you got her angry, I will fucking kill you". Now a reminder, this was a VERBAL ARGUMENT and my brother thought that was justification to threaten my life. I didn't demand an apology from him for that because I know he won't give me one, hell even when I reminded my mom of the threat, she didn't even seem to care, let alone say anything to support me. I stopped associating with my brother after that. If I have a choice in speaking to him or even being in the same room, I'll choose to not do either. Because anyone, especially FAMILY, who threatens my life over a verbal disagreement, I'm not gonna waste my time associating with anymore. And to those who will likely say I can just move out, I'm too broke right now to afford a place otherwise I'd have been gone a long time ago.

I remember trying to teach my aunt about double-clicking on computers. She's a nice lady, though. Her husband loves outrageous lies, but he can't keep a straight face.

My Dad IS Nintendo

About ten years ago at ye olde Gamestop I encountered a kid who was telling me all about the new Kigdom Hearts game and how it would be all about Riku and some other stuff to which I corrected him that it was a prequel. He seemed so certain and then disheartened. I have mixed feelings about that incident because I'm sure I was the same way at some point, believing rumors as truth and what not. In a way where as Woolie's free game dreams were shot down with a lie, I shot down a young fans' dreams with the truth. Was still cringey though, but I was the same circa 14, 15, 31...

fuckin' Bonzi Buddies. good times

You Didn't Win 2: Super Brawl Saturday III