I'm 27 and just went through a friendship breakup with my two best friends from high school. I totally agree with Jenn when she says that friendships have their seasons. From these two individuals I learned a lot and changed a lot more from the experiences lived with them, but I came to a point in my life where I realized that I was way more committed to this friendship than they were. I viewed these women as my sisters and was there for them always, helped them with their careers, family issues, boyfriend troubles, everything. I would sit with them and let them vent for hours. But when it came to me it was never reciprocal. I talked to them about how I felt through the years but they never made an effort to change. Something big happened where I finally had enough and decided to walk away. I didn't have the talk with them, I didn't think I should waste anymore of my time. I believe that something incredibly valuable in a friendship is meeting the person halfway. I never expected them to be with me how I was with them, I only needed them to be half the friend I was.

“People are busy, everyone has their own lives.” GOD what a simple matter of fact!! Yet so difficult for so many to grasp. 😞 My most rewarding and fulfilling friendships have bloomed *because* there is a mutual understanding for breathing space & flexibility! I personally also value honesty, and really gravitate towards mature people with healthy egos. It’s nice to be reminded that lots of other people share this same outlook on friendships. 🌻

This is great and so timely for me. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about friendship lately and it’s nice to think about them like season, it takes some of the pressure off

Friendship has been my life struggle. Most things have worked out for me, except for friendships. This video helped me feel validated and better ❤️

The myth of the ONE best friend used to haunt me. I felt insecure that I didn’t have the one friend that got all parts of me. But the friendships I have in my life, I appreciate so much and I nurture them as much as I can. I never really had a serious relationship in my life so I feel confident in my friendships and that dynamic. The 3 values I look out for are 1. Self-awareness/self-development 2. Kindness 3. Humor And I’m so happy to say that I have built a circle a friends that I’m proud of. They’re sweet and hilarious and I know they’d be there for me when it really counts.

Wow, Jenn you made this video at the perfect time for me. I’m 22 and going through a period of cleansing my life of toxic friendships. My main takeaway from this video was ‘fluidity in friendship’. Society makes us feel like all our friendships should last the test of time, but it’s coming to terms with the fact that some friendships might be seasonal. More power to you Jenn. Love you as always 🫶🏽🥰

I'm definitely an "initiator" too, Jenn!! I find that sometimes people feel too awkward or shy reaching out if it's been "too long" but as you said, nothing is personal and I have no problem coordinating plans or trying to catch up if it's someone I like to stay in touch with! My top 3 are: Similar ethics/morals. It's hard for me to connect with someone on deeper than a surface level if at the end of the day, our morals/ethics aren't aligned. They don't have to be exact beliefs and opinions on everything, but having someone you morally connect with is important to me. Being unconditionally supportive but also being open and honest in a kind way are my 2 other traits that I look for in a friend. If I can feel like I can be myself around you and also have that open honesty and communication with each other are important.

This was great! I am "sunseting" some friendships in my life right now as I've learned that we aren't as aligned anymore in life. No hard feelings at all! In best friends, I look for people I can feel safe in my body when I'm around them. People who accept me and embrace who I am (I'm an introvert, so I require alone time and may not always speak up in group settings). I look for people who value transparency, going deep, fun, and timely communication.

I love how you kept mentioning that so many things "aren't personal." This is one of the major differences between friendships and relationships. In a relationship, there are cut and dry expectations that you and a partner set between one another. With friendships, it's more fluid and relaxed and you truly are leading different, separate lives. I have always struggled to not take things personally in a friendship, and easily feel offended or discouraged when I think I'm putting in way more effort than another person or because someone hasn't consistently reached out. to me Obviously there's a line there, but I know I'm a sensitive person and a lot of the time, people are just truly busy and living in their own worlds! I'm sure there are times my friends think this of me when I'm in a busy life period and I have no idea. We only get one chance at this life and we live it from our own perspective in our own bubble and we can't even begin to comprehend the reason behind every choice someone else makes. It's better to just keep living our own lives putting our values and morals and selves first, and then embracing whatever aligns itself to your life!

For me, friendships are the most difficult relationship to navigate - there are plenty of rules and expectations for a significant other/family, but like Jenn said, friendships are more fluid. One helpful thing my counselor told me once was to appreciate and treasure low-intensity friendships - those friends that you might see every few months but you have a good time with when you do. Brene Brown also talks a lot about boundaries and how we need to maintain them to prevent resentment and anger. So I really value those friends that let me keep up my boundaries and don't take it personally 🙏

Values i look for in a bestfriend : - complete honesty , i want someone to be real with me , honest about their opinions , their feelings - growth ,i want my bestfriend to be someone who actively works on themselves and is self-aware about their past-trauma , triggers , patterns that show up in their behaviour

Always love Jenn’s “big sister” videos! I used to think you can only have one best friend if you have more then there is no loyalty. As I grew older, I realized we are multi faceted beings, there is no way you will find that one person that suits ALL of your needs, plus everyone evolves overtime and things change. I realized it’s okay to have multiple close friends, it’s actually better because they all provide new perspectives and inspirations in various ways. I have a friend who is more straight cut, I talk to her when I know I need someone to set me straight; I have a friend who is more understanding and always gives others the benefit of doubt; I have a friend who listens and doesn’t interrupt me; I have a friend who is very nurturing, the list continues. Like Jenn said, there is no hierarchy because I love them all for different reasons! I’ve also let go of some people who I thought they are my friends, and I am SO happy I did let them go. It’s true, quality over quantity, I’m much happier with friends who are supportive than those who judge and bring nothing but toxicity in my life.

I broke up with my best friends and I’ve never been happier lol. It was becoming too overwhelming. Friends sometimes ask a lot from you but do not give you the same effort they demand and with my friends I felt they were too codependent and I’m 25 now. For the last year 1/2 almost two years I’ve been serious about my growth. I don’t want to talk about boy problems all day and constantly give you advice you won’t take. I literally have bills to pay and a life I need to maintain so those things can no longer be a priority for my life. When I was 17-22 it was great we were all on the same level in life but after 23 you change. The parties begin to get boring and wasting time becomes irritating. You just want to go home now lol

My top 3 are: trustworthiness, passion, and empathy. First off it’s just important to have friends I can depend on and count on, who respect boundaries and are there when I need someone to talk to. I love having friends who are passionate about sth in their lives, whether it be jobs or studies or hobbies. I could see their growth each time we hang out & love conversations with more variety! The most important element for me is empathy. It’s the best feeling to have friends I can connect with on a deeper level, who inspire me to be kinder and more open-minded :) It’s intimidating to start friendships completely from scratch as I get older, but it’s good to remind myself that as I grow, I will grow into friendships that serve me in new ways or show me a side of myself I haven’t seen before. Also, so true that friendships don’t get the same attention or research as romantic relationships even though they could be just as intense or enriching… Friendship breakups are real and they can be just as painful as romantic breakups, if not more. We need some more friendship breakup songs haha. Lastly I love the point of being the initiator !

I think one of the qualities that I truly value in a friend is being able to be honest with me and disagree with me. I like the ones who are able to tell me when they feel like I'm in the wrong or if they have an opposing opinion. It's good to have friends who share similar core values, but it's also very important to have friends that have a different perspective than you to help you see situations differently especially if you need some advice. In having a diverse friend group, you learn so much more and get to see from all different points of view.

I think you make a lot of good points! I'd just like to say that when people say that their romantic relationship is their "number one" relationship and that that commitment allows them the freedom to be "fluid" with their friendships because they don't need to have the same commitment or loyalty for those relationships that they do for their romantic ones, sometimes to their friends, and especially their single friends, it feels a lot like Jenn described feeling in middle school, when you tell someone they're your best friend and they don't reciprocate. I know prioritizing romantic relationships over friendships is a common sentiment in America and I know that I can't change the way people feel about their own personal relationships in their own lives, but single people (or anyone who loves and values their friends highly) hear things like this all the time, and it reinforces that no matter how important your friends might be to you, if they have a romantic partner, you can never be as important to them. That hurts, in what I imagine is a similar way to the feeling of being told you're not someone's best friend when you've told them that they're yours, so I hope that people can empathize with it. Again, I'm not asking anyone to change how they feel, and I understand that the sentiments expressed in this video are sadly very common. But in the future, I would ask anyone who cares to to just consider how hurtful it can be to your friends who love and value you to openly describe them as "not your number one" and talk about them as people you can be "fluid" and changeable in your love for, and can choose to just leave behind when it suits the place you're at in your busy life because you have that one, *truly* important relationship with your romantic partner that you *are* committed to. If we have love and commitment and long-term effort to give to our romantic partners, why can't we also give some to our friends? So, this is just something to think about in the future, if you're interested -- think about the ways we talk about friendship and the ways we talk to and about our friends, and how it might make them feel. I'm sure no harm was intended! I really enjoy your videos, Jenn! :)

I think I’ve had a lot of confusion with friendship breakups. Where you think it’s just a “winter season” and you are trying to respect how busy they are, but it turns out they were trying to facilitate a one sided “slow fade”. So then I tried to rekindle later and discovered they disliked me (without ever saying anything to suggest this before. No disagreements, no criticisms. Like the last time we talked they said “love you!) and had “dumped me” and I had no clue 😯 This has happened more then once. So I appreciate having “the talk”. I think I just keep meeting people who would literally jump off a building rather than face conflict. I wish people were more upfront. I’m trying to be better at reading the room but instead that just makes me intentionally paranoid. I’m also trying to appear as calm and unthreatening as possible so people would feel comfortable telling me the truth. I’m already very even tempered and straightforward, I never ever get angry, but I’m more blunt then gentle, which might be the problem. 🤷‍♀️😂 Anyway, I’m trying. I’d like to find a way to stop history from repeating itself. ❤

You hit the nail on the head with saying 'people have their own lives'. It's a difficult thing to not get sensitive about the topic and just be ok with, but just as you worded it it is so true! Friendship is a beautiful, flowing thing! Loyalty, someone who's got my back, is an important value to me! No matter where we go in life or if it is a winter in our friendship, I value someone who has got my back no matter what 👍🏻

I have a BFF for 20 years and we can go for months or way longer not talking because we're so busy but we still remain bffs no matter what. That's a true best friendship

Great video Jenn! I will say that walking away from relationships that aren’t good for you anymore is necessary and friendships are no exception. It just sucks when you’re not great at making new friends. I think that’s why a lot of people find it hard to let some friendships go. They’d rather have some friends rather than none. I understand that in the meantime you can build a relationship with yourself while looking for new friends, but the process can be difficult and lonely. I hope everyone out there who is looking to find great friendships finds them ♥️

I was contemplating to be confrontational and honest to do a proper breakup with a very close friend. But I decided to slowly fade out instead since I wanted to be firm with my decision to move forward and never look back. I promised myself to be responsive if my friend needs me. But I won't hang out, reach out to her first, or share any more of my information. It's not easy but I don't want to fall back into the same cycle.

This video found me at exactly the right moment. I’m 19 in my second year of University. Last year, I went into uni after a stinging friendship break up. I had nobody, and I was so alone. I met a girl in a class, and we slowly became super close and got dinner every night. I told her all about my friendship break up from high school, and I felt like I had a friend I could count on again. When summer came, we made plans, and then she ghosted me, just like the last friend did. I can’t lie, I want the ideal best friend forever type of friendship. I’m very picky on my friends, and I don’t have many. I just want a friend for life

Some values I look in a best friend genuineness, growth and openess. I want to build genuine friendships where they are honest with their feelings and care for another. I really enjoy growing with my friends and reflecting on how we can improve. Also openess where we accept our differences and ways of thinking

Claim your “here within an hour” ticket right here ❤️

Thanks for this! Have been thinking a lot on this recently as the friend that makes shit happen, as lots changed when I became pregnant and had a baby last year and no longer had the time to commit to be the sole 'reacher outer' 🤣 some friendships are gone, others fading, others evolving and that's okay.

I really value people that are open minded and honest not that brutal and mean type of honest but open communicators. I love an extroverted friend that can honor me being an introvert but still help me get out there. They don't get hurt that I can't go out every weekend and I don't get hurt if they go out with others.

I like when my friends are just there for me, and when they dont ask questions. They just feel that i have a bad mood or something happened and they are there, not for questions but just be by my side when i need a company or stay quiet together. Thank you for this video! It is really inspiring

Resonated so much with this video! What I value most in a friendship are emotional maturity, relatability/connection, and consistency!

Some values: Having the ability to exist together without having anything planned. Doing life together. Now that I'm older a lot of my friendships are always focused on a ''meet-up'' to catch up and go to brunch and of course, I love to do that (who doesn't love discovering a cool new restaurant!) but I really enjoy just going to my friend's house and helping them fold their laundry while they talk to me about the fight they had with their neigboor, or walking their dog with them or doing our nails and planning a fake wedding while eating poorly, helping a friend of a friend move, etc. I really just wanna be friends with people I can see myself doing mundane things with.

Your timing is impeccable Jenn!! I've been in such a rut with some of my friendships lately and I haven't been able to grasp or conceptualize into english words on how to deal with it. Maybe it's the Virgo season coming around the corner, but I absolutely needed this insight and advice. Love you girl ❤️ - a fellow Virgo

I interned the summer before senior year, and had a nice income to be able to hang out with a wide range of friends. this was after quarantine, so I was constantly initiating hangout after hangout and was really thriving off of sweet friendships. After graduation, I didnt have a job lined up and generally wanted some space from my career, so I was no longer initiating bc of the discomfort of no steady income. To my surprise, my lovely friends showed me reciprocity and have remained really good at initiating. If you are in the proper headspace and have the energy, being a yes person and showing up when friends invite you to hang is just as valuable as being someone who initiates hangouts.

Your video was very focused on the positivities. I feel like many of us especially post Covid may be mourning over a loss of friendship and not because it’s seasonal fall/winter

A true friendship is one where u r open towards each other & are able to get along on all terms even down to the smallest issues of having similar fave towards food & beverages or fave movies or fave shopping malls!!!

This video made me realize that even if I’m in the winter season of a friendship, it doesn’t mean it’s over! I always doubt if this means it’s the end of our friendship. And then it ties into the initiating part and reaching out first to catch up and hopefully get back into a spring season.

Wow, I went through a big friend breakup with a whole group of people who I considered my main group for the past 10 years. They were even in the bridal party for my wedding last December. When you listed the 3 qualities you look for in a friend, I realized (and genuinely not exaggerating) that I brought openness, active listening, and willingness to grow to these people but they never reciprocated it.

Yeaa! I feel you. Consistency is key. Maybe not always a face to face chat but a little message to check in and see how you’re doing. Doesn’t take much time.

Loved hearing what you value in a friendship Jenn! 💜 I'd say trust is a HUGE quality that deepens friendships for me. I've had friends who would share what I told them in private with other people and when it would get back to me, it would immediately kill the friendship. I'd forgive them out of love but kept my distance. Sometimes, I can't open up to new people because of this, but I'm working on it. I know that trust takes time to build. My friendships that have lasted over the years are ones that are safe spaces to be vulnerable and honest. One tell-tale sign that someone isn't trustworthy is that they talk about their own friends behind their backs a lot. So another quality I look for in friends is that they talk more about IDEAS rather than people. That way, we're growing together in a way that I'm comfortable in.

Honestly I get so jealous of other people's close friendships because I'm super awkward and it takes me foreverrrrrr to feel comfy with someone. I'm always afraid people only spend time with me out of pity.

Yes, I definitely value reciprocating! This is huge. I used to feel bad being the one who initiates hanging out, but now I don’t feel bad because I can still feel their love and care for me as their friend. Also, I learned to be more selective with my time and figure out which friendships to nurture. Life is short, and you want to spend it with the ones you care about.

The only thing I look for in friendship besides a certain mental compatibility and sense of humour is sincerity . We don’t have to talk every single day but whenever we do it is really amazing and energising . Also if someone bitches about their other close friends to you they are obviously bitching about you to others as well so don’t let them in!

It's openness, spontaneity, compassion, and being a good communicator for me.

I also have a range of best friends and it’s the best thing ever! Each of them bring something different in my life.

Thank you Jenn! This was everything I’ve been needing to hear. I really like how you mentioned that there could be seasons in friendships and not to take it personally. I always feel discouraged because I feel like I’m always the one reaching out first and it makes me feel like my friendships are one-sided… I definitely need to find the balance between that feeling and being proud to be the one who makes stuff happen. It’s just hard when you always feel like you’re reaching out but no one reaches out to you! I don’t know how to not take it too personally

Jenn, thanks so much for this lighthearted video. I love that you can turn every heavy conversation so light and bring the best out of it.

love these sit down chit chat talks :) thoughtfulness, honesty, compassion, reciprocation are values i love in my friends

honesty thoughtfulness love sincerity

Hi Jenn, thank you for sharing. I am happy to know that are people who also see friendships in a similar way as I do. I am the type of friend, who is low maintenance, who is cool with just quality time every couple of months, instead of day to day/ week to week. I am more introverted and get burnt out easily with around people constantly. I also love running into old friends years later and reconnecting like time hasn't passed.

3 things I look for in a friendship. Growth - I want them to have goals and morals. Loyalty- we have each other back Friendly - I need my friends to be nice and have good intentions to everyone.

Jenn, thank you so much for this. I have been struggling with some of my friendships especially those that i had when i was in college and transitioned into "adult friendships" because the landscape is just different. I grew tired of being the one reaching out and always setting things up only to be rejected. I still love them so much but it's hard when it feels like you're the only one putting in the effort. But I also understand that we have different responsibilities now as compared to when we were students. That thing about friendships having seasons really eased my mind and I feel like if I just let things flow another summer/spring season will flourish for me and my friends.

My values in a friendship are kindness, openness, and a sense of adventure so we can go out and try new things together every once in a while. :)

Really enjoyed this one Jen! Openness, active listening, commitment to growth and consistency are all so important in my friendships as well. I also agree 100% on the “bff” and “slow fade” sentiments. I would love to hear more of these conversations and stories from you! It’s so interesting!

I've been thinking about this topic lately and thank you for making this video. There are friends I wanna reconnect with again while I make new ones at 28. It's quite daunting to reach out to them again because a long time has passed and things happened between me and some of my friends. There are things to explain and apologise for too. Your approach to friendship is helpful enough for me to invent my own approach to friendships. ❤️

I had a best friend who I had known for 20 years. We started drifting apart 5 years ago, but I reached out to her after I met up with a mutual friend, who is her roommate (who I introduced her to), and we met up and caught up, talked out what was going on in our lives back then and why we felt like we drifted apart. It was very refreshing, and I’m so glad I reached out ☺️

I totally agree about the 'falls and winters' and how it's almost never about you... but as I get older, I realize how that itself kind of sucks too. You realize that everyone outside of a romantic partner is just not going to have you as their number one priority, and if you're single it can really take a toll on you knowing that you;re just not THAT important to anyone even your best friends. Of course it makes sense if your bffs all have families, busy careers, etc and at the end of the day it just pushes you to become more independent. Still a little sad though!

I always get into a constant battle of expecting reciprocity with my friendship, but like Jenn said, “no one studies friendships,” so I had to realize that people are “bad” friends because they don’t know our needs/expectations. They don’t know what it takes to maintain a friendship. I don’t mind being the one to initiate and make the plans, but you have to eventually recognize if the relationship isn’t working or the friendship doesn’t provide value to your life.

I really needed to hear the "nothing is personal" bit. I had a rough time over the pandemic being super alone, and it changed my brain in ways I'm still trying to untangle. One theme I see here in the comments repeated over and over is "honest with me, supportive but tells me thr truth". Man do I struggle with that. I'll suport you all the way, but I'm terrible at voicing my concerns about something you're doing. People pleasing + being petrified of conflict will do that to you. I'm still learning what I value in friendships, but one thing is lack of judgement. People who don't judge me make me feel safer in my body, and less afraid of showing who I am or what I like. I have learned I'm not even weird, my anxiety just lies and tells me that. I also appreciate friends who reach out to me.

Thanks for this Jenn. Not many talks about friendships so this video is so refreshing! Went through a friendship breakup recently and it sucks but this video made me feel better about it!

Beautifully said Jenn! I actually just hit a milestone of 20 years with some of my friends (we’re in our 30s now!) and the biggest thing that has sustained us is not taking it personal if we’re in a lull. We just pick back up when we have the availability and there’s no guilt tripping involved.

i love a laid back friend with good deep conversation and an ability to laugh at themselves (and my goofy ass, of course!)

I love these little sit down videos. It’s so nice to get advice and hear your mentality on things like this 💜

I really appreciate when my friends speak to me maturely about issues they may have with me as an individual or within our friendship, instead of expecting me to read their minds and sometimes understand I'm just not as aware as I would like to me It shows me that they value me enough to want to keep this friendship going inside of slowly fading me out without giving me a chance

Hi Jenn! I was a fan of your channel when I was back in college, tried all your thrifting and fashion tips, buying the hairstyling wands and the cat eyed shades, and always admired your positivity and authenticity. Time flew and now I’m a 32 year old with a 3 year old boy, and I’m glad I came across your channel again to find you flourish with a beautiful family of your own and with greater wisdom and depth. Once again I’m becoming your huge fan! Thanks always for sharing your heart with us! You’re awesome!!!

I need Jenn as my therapist. She really took off the heavy heart I had not realized I have been carrying in the wake of the pandemic and friendships

Values: honesty and following through with their word

Love this! I’d be interested in reading any books you’ve read that helped with your mindset on this. Or an updated book rec video is great too!

This really stuck with me from a podcast that said, “it’s important to live life by design rather than emotion. Basically, sticking to a routine is what allows us to be the healthiest version of ourselves (especially when you're fighting these demons ex. OCD for me). Because I realized not taking care of my mind was affecting my friends negatively. I overhauled how I approach taking care of my brain (exercise, journaling, studying etc) by practising mediocre consistency. Now I try to put in consistent 50-60% effort into my 3 habits - and to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on YT. And restructuring my life this way has made me a better friend because now I approach friends with the same type of mindset. Despite how Im feelings I have to reach out and designated times every week/month to keep up the bond. Because otherwise I have tendency to isolate and be super “I can do it all on my own I dont need anyone” but thats just the ocd talking.

"dammit it's snowing!!" has probably been my mood for the past couple years about certain friends,, thank you for this change in perspective Jenn!

Values I look in friendship are…honesty, integrity, and inspiration. I like people who speak their truth and keep it real, aren’t two-faced, and stick to their words and do what they say they will. I find I’m only friends with people who inspire me in some way to do better: be kinder, work harder, work smarter, stay well-red, to be more in the moment, to enjoy life, the list goes on… I love the friends I have :)

I think one of my biggest takeaways from watching your friendship videos since two years ago is it is definitely okay to be the initiator. and I remember that when I did that my friends were stoked and thanked me for being that kind of person.

Totally agree that friendship is the relationship that can be easily catch up on again no matter how long we disconnect, and no matter what's the reason of previous breakup ❤

Friendship is one of the most important things in my life and I think I spent a lot of time to think about this topic and i guess i will continue to do it in the future because i cannot live without friends :)))) After watching your video, I've realized lots of things. Thank u so much Jenn :))))

Many people underestimate the importance of working on the friendship. But sometimes there is no point in doing it. I have a few friends since school whom I used to tag as best, but for quite some time I just don’t feel like their “my” people anymore. We have different interests, different types of lifestyle, different views on smoking and drinking, etc. But the most important part is that I’ve noticed that they don’t ask me things. Don’t ask me how I feel, what’s new, even don’t know where I work. They just come to talk it out and to share their problems. Of course I can’t say “why you don’t care about me? About my life?”. But I also can’t just say “I don’t wanna see you anymore, we’re done” cause that would be rude. Ah, such a difficult topic.

Seriously underrated topic, thanks for discussing it. Female friendships often out-last every single other relationship in their lives! It's common that women spend more of their lives knowing each other than their spouses, kids, etc. Yet, it's not discussed or appreciated enough. I particularly liked the parts about friendships going through "seasons", and also relate to being the one who reaches out.

this is exactly what i've needed. been contemplating whether or not to reach out to a friend who i've kind of distanced myself from... thanks jenn

I’ve always thought about boundaries of ‘real’ best friend and this one helped me a lot! Thank you for all those good contents and videos😄

This video came at the perfect time! The slow fade out advice stuck with me especially. I'm currently in a place where I feel like my energy, thoughtfulness and care for a friend is barely reciprocated, but at the same time I end up invalidating my feelings and rule them out as me simply being sensitive. I don't feel seen in this relationship, and it hurts. I've been trying to find the balance between seeing things from their perspective and not invalidating my feelings in the process of doing so. After watching this wonderful video of yours, I've gained the insight that I may be holding on to this friendship a little too tight, and that it's okay to loosen my grip on it. You're the best Jenn❤

This was a really insightful video - loved the "seasonality" of friendships analogy. I'd say that compared to who i was 3 years ago, i probably would've never had enough courage to initiate conversations when it came to meeting new people. I think the biggest barrier for me was the thought of not being able to hold a good conversation, which partially stemmed from a fear of public speaking or when being put on the spot to improvise something. It was only until the past year, had i started to be more proactive in putting myself out there more. Now, i realise that holding a good conversation is all about practice and it is a skill that can be developed. It was through those attempts at initiating conversations with new people and reconnecting with old ones that have led to some of the best friendships. This process also taught me what i truly valued in a friendship: open-mindedness, empathy, integrity and growth (though i'd also might add low-maintenance)

Hi, Jenn!!! So love watching your videos, it's so interesting to listen to you!!!!! 3 things that I appreciate in my friends are 1) positiveness 2) good sense of humour 3) sincerity

I had this one friend who I had a formal friendship break up talk with. she was always late, asking for rides when she has a car and wouldn't be on the way, and would CONSTANTLY be on her phone when we'd hang out! I would start telling a story and expect a response from her, but she literally had tunnel vision on her phone. she would be swiping on guys on dating apps and messaging them when we were hanging out. I had enough! she wasn't respectful of my time and was highkey a narcissist. the cherry on top was when she didn't pay me back for a meal she left early for when she didn't have the common sense to just tell our waitress she was leaving and pay then. I told her through text and not in person and haven't heard from her since! on the other end of a spectrum, I had a falling out with my best friend from 6th grade 4 years ago and we just recently rekindled our friendship earlier this year. we both missed each other and realized how dumb we were being back then. we picked up right where we left off.

Oh noooo this hits so hard since I had a best friend breakup in February. BFFs for 8 years and a couple things coincided to throw us off the deep end. It all started going downhill due to the pandemic because we had such different ideas of safety - she was ready to ditch masks and travel way earlier than I was comfortable with. So I kept declining the invites to eat indoors and do "risky" things, but she was tired of doing just online hangouts. And she got a big promotion at work and started making WAY more money than me and I'm sad to say that it changed her. When I laid my iPhone on the table at her house once, she exclaimed rudely, "WHY do you still have an iPhone EIGHT???" (the iPhone 11 had just come out) and it made me feel poor since I can't afford a $1000+ new phone every year. She'd send me pics of sweaters that were literally $600 asking if she should get them and I didn't know how to respond since I would/could never spend that much on a sweater. I was asked to be her maid of honor for her wedding this October, but in February she called me out of the blue and demoted me, and then over an hour long phone call of mostly her talking, decided to uninvite me from the bridal party all together, and I pleaded to save the friendship and said I would try to go out of my covid comfort zone and see her in person more often (without masks, etc) but then she sealed the deal by saying there was no point since she couldn't see us being friends in the future. I was blindsided, heartbroken, and cried for days. The worst part is, she seemingly forgot what she said on the phone and sent me an email a month later saying "it would be better for our friendship if we put aside involvement in the wedding party" - like, she totally forgot that she already told me I wasn't in the bridal party anymore so it was like rubbing salt in the wound, and then "better for our friendship" even though she said she couldn't see us being friends ever again!? Her email ended with, "I'm really sorry this has happened. I appreciate you and am here for a conversation if you ever want to talk about it." At that point I became Annoyed, but also realized she needed more mental help than I'm willing to give. I never replied to her email, and also never received an invite to her wedding at all. I've learned that it's hard to be true close friends with someone who's in a different tax bracket than you are, especially when they're very materialistic and judgey. She once said she doesn't consider millionaires "rich" and we had an argument about it lmao. I do miss having the one BEST best friend, but my 2 other best friends will always be there for me and I regret kind of setting them aside for the 8 years I apparently wasted on the above best friend. Friendships are hard to maintain and I'll never take for granted the real ones who, like Jenn said, can get right back to it after several years of "winter"! Love seeing friendship content!

Jenn, you always have a great perspective! So true, nothing is about you! I’ve always felt like I deserved a conversation after a friendship breakup, mostly for closure, but now I’m more accepting of the fade out. Friendships change, and that’s okay! I value flexibility, spontaneity, and people who show up.

I like friends who are truly happy for their friends or family members successes. Not the types who hide secrets that could help others in their circle because they don't want anyone else to succeed. Another thing is a friend who responds at an appropriate time. Like if I text someone hi and don't hear back all day or get an excuse after awhile like "oh I was so busy", I call B.S on it if i know you aren't busy (you don't have kids, you're not a surgeon, you're not at work). If you have the time to read a text you have time to respond. and then I guess, I don't like friends that want me as a friend solely because they feel like I'm second or third best to them in looks or success. it's like, I'm not your pedestal and I'm not second to anyone. see me and treat me as an equal, don't use me for your insecurities.

these talks are so liberating in a way, ily jenn

My best friend and I technically broke up last year. She said the more we hung out, the more she felt she didn’t know me, which is weird because we had deep conversations. She also didn’t want to feel entitled to the title “best friends” and do things for me. That broke my heart. I pretended I was okay and accepted being just friends, but now I see clearly that we definitely have different personalities, and I definitely do a lot for her in comparison. She says she just doesn’t understand me. So… now we are just friends, not even close friends. But I learned a lot from this. We had different personalities, different beliefs of a best friend, and we had different levels of maturity and experience. Now I’m reaching for friends who are older than me (as I’m mature for my age). Friends who are more positive and do not take things to heart. Friends who are deep, chill, fun, mature, and drama free.

I love being friends with people who know how to have fun, who are open-minded, and know how to hold space for soul-exploring conversations!!!!

Some qualities I look for is definitely someone who is honest with me, loyal, and open minded as well. I love my little circle I have and it sucks that I am so far away from them but when we do see each other, it is like we’re picking up right where we left off.

Top values for me are definitely empathy and open mindedness. I want my friends to be the type of person who would stand up for others in a room and be a good ally to both poc communities and lgbtq+ communities.

Completely agree. Have been thinking about this a lot recently and I appreciate more women being open and speaking about their female friendships on YT and podcasts etc. They can be very exclusive circles!

Jenn I love you!! This video came at the perfect time for me. Getting older and realising you just need to go with the flow. Struggling with always being the one to say that someone’s my best friend and it ending up not being reciprocated is hard. But as I’m discovering, friendships offer you different things and you can vibe with people differently. Thank you so much for this video. I love all your videos and you’re such an amazing, inspiring human ❤️❤️❤️

I’m with you on the gradual fade out especially if there were certain issues that arised, were discussed and nothings changed. Some people just do grow apart and aren’t as compatible, there’s absolutely nothing with that. Thanks for sharing 💕

I think I agree with everything Jenn said in this video and there's some things I have to come to realise about friendships/relationships too just from watching this video. I think what is great with this video is that it is so relatable and honest! Jenn has evolved into such a wise person and I'm glad I'm around to see it.

You read my mind Jenn! I’ve been thinking of this topic as well ❤️ I agree that friendship is underrated, it’s such an important relationship to have.

Jenn!!! You always come through with the ‘big sister’ advice at the right time! I recently moved away from my hometown and in doing so, it majorly changed my relationships with my best friends. It’s been tough. Thank you for framing the fluidity of friendships as seasons, it really helps me to see it that way and not build resentment. In terms of values, I’m very similar to you! I look for growth and open-mindedness. And honestly, someone a little more extroverted than me lmao

I had a bestfriend from college and I introduced her my bestfriend from my primary school. My friendship with the one from college was ruined cause we have different way of thinking about some issues. Now they tend to hang out without me. They used to meet behind my back and now they are, well, without hesitation, showing it on my face that they go out together and seem to have fun. I’d like to say i’m glad that i connected two people so that they have a friendship even without me. I’m not sad but relieved😂

Oh my goodness, love how you describe seasons in friendship & specifically winter seasons! Literally reading a book called wintering that just talks about get through winter seasons in life in general & this soooo applies 🙌🏽

There’s a lot of characteristics that I value in my friendships. However, my main values are empathy, openness, honesty, & personal growth. What I think of having empathy is being able to openly share & understand our feelings, thinking, beliefs, & other topics. That stems being open to them without biased judgement but actively listening to each other. Being honest by telling the truth on certain circumstances even if it hurts cause it better hear it from close/best friends who loves & cares about you than other people. As for growth, it makes me really happy that my friends are becoming the best versions of themselves. Like, even tho my best friends have flaws, they are aware of their issues & they’re working towards a solution or changing their perspectives. Thanks for reading! 😊

Totally agree! It really drains my energy if I'm clueless on how to handle long-term friendships. I don't know why I am always affected with seasons and phases. Maybe because I am not feeling and seeing the reciprocation of energy and support. I love how you emphasize consistency, showing up, and not taking things personally. will definitely work on that.

This was such a well versed video, you really pinned all the things I felt about the different friendships. It just felt like I was hearing advice from an older sister ❤️

woww! such a great video👏 I resonated with the topic so much my friend values would be 1. no judgement 2. openess to try/ understand what u or the other wants to do 3. reciprocation of showing love for sure!

I loved the video, I definitely agree with you Jenn, frienships are the most underrated type of relationship; however, they are important for everyons's life. What I look in my friends is mostly commitment, to help each other when going through rough times, and to be ready to allocate some time to hang out.