Joining the Thrivers School of Michele is the best thing I've done for myself. Reinventing me. ❤🙏💫

"The narcissists thrive when you are struggling." This is SO true!!!!!

1. everything my fault 2. it's my job to make them happy 3. i'm not safe being myself 4. there something wrong with me 5. i am a bad person

I feel like the weight is on you in these relationships, and one day you wake up and realize it's insanely imbalanced and you've had enough.

Covert narcisists are sociopaths - they enjoy inflicting pain and watch their targets struggle and the perpetrators know what they are doing. They use shaming as their favourite weapon and they almost kill the souls of their victims in This way. It is vital to address the core wounds inflicted by narcisists in our childhood to heal and thrive in life. And we must take care of our bodies as well. Thank you❤

We live in a narcissistic world where people give you the silent treatment and play other similar mind games with you if you don't do what you're supposed to.

We forgot to add that when there has been a narcissistic smear campaign, they have others that are bullying as well - this reinforces the wounds

It's so nice to hear you say it doesn't have to be physical abuse and there's such a thing as emotional danger. Because even hearing you say that I was thinking well she never told me I couldn't be myself, with words she encouraged it, but yeh as soon as it didn't line up with her getting something or what she wanted for/from me it was a negative emotional response. Just nice to hear it, I haven't before

Their behavior is pure evil. They literally destroy lives… whether it’s a narcissistic parent, sibling or spouse. They destroy your life and your potential.

Michele, you’re so amazing. How you figured out so much at such a young age. Others of us get trapped for DECADES.

My jaw dropped when you explained the third one. I now completely understand why I believe that any time I am happy, something bad will happen. I didn't even know I had that belief (except for some little doomerism jokes I make at work sometimes), and I didn't even know I had that nagging feeling for real. And I certainly didn't know why. My whole body and presence shifted when you explained it, and I am just in awe. You are truly brilliant

A powerful video that sheds light on chilhood narcissistic abuse. Narcissist parents will literally ERASE you. It takes a lifetime (and often, several narcissistic "relationships") to identify wounds and heal...

I identify with all 5 wounds. From the time I was little to an adult, I always thought I was a bad person and that something was wrong with me that couldn't be fixed. This video is so validating. Once I realized my parents were narcissists and made me feel those ways, I just felt so disgusted and angry. Like how can you treat your children that way? Blessings to all who've been dealt these wounds. 🙏💖

I was a child of paternal incest (from ages 5 to 15) and every core wound she describes I identify with. My mother was a covert narcisist, as were my siblings, as they copied dysfunctionally my parents words actions a behavors. I was the family scapegoat. She is correct. It is very difficult to shake these core beliefs. I discovered all this at age 66. I am 68.5 years young now, and I reslize it may take the rest of my life to change completely.

So thats whats wrong with me!!!!

I never found my real self, I went from a narcissistic mother to a narcissistic husband, I am now 43 and I want to find my real self who was buried in layers of trauma 😢

I've watched a few of your videos, and I've cried through every single one. Thank you. I think you're gonna save my life.

1. It's all my fault - my wife and I always agreed on that. 2. It's my job to make her happy - after 25 years I had to ask her, 'what will it take to make you happy because nothing I've done has worked?' 3. I'm not safe being me - I gave up family relationships and friendships because it was me preferring others instead of her. Also, the things I enjoyed most were ridiculed during her infamous rages.

Just thought you should know that this video went a long way toward changing my life. I’ve spent 50 years spinning around in circles asking people, “Did you see what he did to me?” #4 was like a page out of my diary if I kept one. Somebody knows what I went through. Thank you so much for this!

This is incredibly evil. IMO, all narcissists should go to jail for this kind of abuse.

They point out your every “flaw,” and then cloak their offer to “help you” in faux concern. You instilled it, now you want to save me from the problem YOU created?

This video describes my whole life

I matter now, they don't!

Thank you for this, you are helping so many people! Myself included. I have dealt with this for over 12 years, it took me about a decade to realize what it was! Very tricky behavior, as I am dealing with someone covert. It took me 5 years of continuous therapy to realize there was no changing this situation because I had changed myself so much but nothing in my relationship was changing. I will continue to work on myself in therapy. I am slowly coming out of the fog and learning to tend to myself. I’m starting to learn and show myself compassion and love!

Narcissistic abuse starts in our childhood .That’s where our core beliefs get established and further reinforced as we grow up and deal with other relationships (personal, professional). Each adult narcissistic relationship is an adversity that further cripples us but at the same time it’s our greatest opportunity to see our parents for who they actually are. It’s the most painful realization. Everything you believed in feels like a big lie. You feel like you have nothing to hold on to. But as they say Phoenix rising from ashes, you’ll be born again. You’ll see things for what they are not what they appear to be. This will empower you to deal with the world like you’ve never been able to deal with. So thank all your narcissistic partners for facilitating that. Without them you wouldn’t be who you are today.

Michelle the way you worded this i can relate 100% I was raised by narcissist parents. Can you make more videos on how to recover from this abuse

This channel is always so spot on its freighting

My god! My therapist at the time said, “Susan you’re doing all the work in your relationships.” I was like “I am, I thought I’m the selfish one.” She said in a stoic direct manner, “no you’re doing all the work.” I was so confused at the time, because I saw give and take from a physical perspective (he would give gifts and pick me up from work.) and not as an emotional energetic exchange. It was a downward spiral when he started devaluing me, but only when friends and family weren’t around. I knew something was going on with my mental health but I just didn’t know what to do but observe it and try to make the relationship work. Try to be better, more understanding, and change because “I’m the bad one, he’s the good one.” It was awful experience. If I can’t make it work with him, it must mean I’m the bad one. He has a lot of fiends who love him. One person even called him a saint. I remember feeling so confused on the inside, “is he?” There was this aura around him in the city we lived in. When we visited my city, nobody was praising him like that. I did notice the change in the air, something is up with the energy but hadn’t come to conclusions yet. They are very twisted internally. Praise is not love! Lol thank you Michele. That relationship still hurts me so much and it’s been 6/7 years. Not because I want to be with him, god no! But the anguish and the experience was traumatizing. It was a psychological thriller. It’s been a slow process, but glad I’m coming more and more into the truth and will be finding more balance in relationships. It was so liberating once I realized that a majority of my relationships at the time were one-sided but somehow those were the only people who called me selfish. My healthy friendships have never said things like that to me. 😅I’m so glad that this cycle is over!! 🙏🙏🙏❤❤🎉

Very true this is why I stopped sharing good news with my mother because every time I share good news with her she picks a fight with me or tries to bring me down when I’m happy . I would be never stop doing what I love it brings a smile to my face . Part of the reason I workout and improve my appearance is to heal from my childhood my mom would cover me from head to toe in clothes and tell me how to dress . So I love feeling great about myself and dressing sexy and expressing myself through clothes. Really good video

7:28 In my experience, it goes farther than this, because once I was in this state of perpetual anxiety, I tried to plan around this person (my mother) for my safety. It was crazy how she was able to get away with telling others to "just ignore" me, after she'd do something to deliberately jab at me. She was the queen, and I was her personal object of display for her (when I was being a "good" girl) and otherwise of blame and focus in a "united front", for the sake of burying the larger scale dysfunctions my family chose to gloss over, and put on me.

This is very powerful. I'm glad that you used the word " dents" It is like we were slamming into narcissists like car accidents that leave dents and we need to knock them out and get back to wholeness. ❤

I made excuses for them and felt bad for them- as they were probably treated like this as a kid. I would go through the cycles hoping that they would learn and change - like I did. That we could help each other heal- but no. There was definitely some sadistic power rush going on. Lack of empathy is one thing- no mirror neurons- not their choice. But actively punishing and provoking? Again regressing to progress is worthwhile if necessary, but repeating the abuse cycle? Only we can stop that. Our compliance and compassion bring out the worst in them.

I was destroyed in fifth grade and never recovered. She finally destroyed everything I accomplished

My biggest shame is staying stuck w my narcissist bd knowing my daughter deserved better and I didn’t have the strength to leave

Every part of this video resonates with me to the core. I have been working on myself a lot this year and am realizing how far down the rabbit hole I was from the abuse I have experienced from a covert spouse. The one thing that reinforces that I am on the right track is the more I work and make changes the more extreme my covert is getting with trying to get me to go back down the rabbit hole. Now that I understand the bigger picture I will be doing everything in my power to not go back to that broken version of myself. Thank you for everything you do for us to help us through improving our lives to become the person we really are.

Very true. Especially the "they don't tell you what they want you to not do etc.. but they act in a way to control"... That is what I lived. And because I had no clear do not do this or do not talk to x person.. I never could explain I felt so controlled... but in reality, my fear of having him getting angry, and saying hurtful things would make me stop everything that would make him react.. on the long run I would just look at the wall because I didn't know and it's like... everything would be my fault, but he would do the same thing as me and it was the reverse it was my fault too... and his anger and etc would be my fault for having done x or etc.. he just didn't realize how much I would get a comment on what I do, like or etc all the time. Not just when he was on a rage spread, but just like that... little mean comments that was meant to put me down. Shit i am so overwhelmed to so many things I don't even know even if he would wanna listen to me, if I would know how to express it all. Sometimes it felt that he had a notebook of everything he could blame back on me, that he would learn by heart so when the time would come I would say something, he would just take this notebook out like a gun and shout everything on me.. and because I don't do the taking count of things type stuff I would be surprised (why every time surprised if it was the regular ...ask me... don't know) and couldn't come up with anything. Once well enough put down, I would feel destroyed.. and I wouldn't sleep for a few nights trying to repass the conversation in my head and allowing myself to say what I need to say and all the contradictory things he does etc and over a few night it would calm me and back again.. but every time none of what I knew I could say to defend myself and show him his none sense would come up at the right time.. so frustrating..

I feel like all these happened to teach me deeper lessons abt ppl around, thanks 4 dis vid

My mother made me feel like i didnt treat her special, like her bdays, mothers day, like i didnt talk to her enough, so i started treating her special for mothers day, birthdays, and spending more time with her, but she didnt celebrate my special days after i turned 18, and she still didnt try n talk to me. She wld tell me that she wld give my kids gifts and thats how she helps me.

You just explained the pattern of people pleasing that I adopted in childhood .

I am 60 and have been dealing with the fallout of this from my mother all my life. It affected partner choices, jobs, friends... all replicating versions of the twisted reality. Education has been the best tool. I am finally non-contact after grey rocking for several years. I think I am getting over the grief, finally. It seems weird at this late stage but she is not slowing down, getting more desperate and I think too strong and stubborn to ever accept death... she will live forever if she could. One board game we were playing years ago with me and her young grandchildren. The question was: who would you give your life for to save them. She wrote in huge bold letters: NO ONE!!!!!!!! I whispered "you could have lied" motioning to the children. (She has always lied and even gotten mad at me for not knowing I was supposed to lie on her behalf 😂). She had no idea what i was talking about.

Wow, this is enlightening as these ppl really try hiding their behavior. So helpful. Thank you

Identify with all the above. I just discovered my trauma from narcissistic abuse a couple of years ago and am still healing. My main issue is that my mother in law is a scary crazy covert. My husband is not but the majority of our marriage he treated me in a way that was similar so I suffered 1-3 on a daily basis because of it. So now here we are BOTH trying to heal from the effects of his mother. Which is difficult because I know how effected he is by her treatment his whole life and how she treated me, but I'm also trying to heal from the effects of how he treated me too. So hard.

Im just grateful he only had 4 months to try to destroy me. We had 2 good years w few red flags sprinkled in ( that i ignored in retrospect). He switched into a monster. Thankfully one round of discard that was BRUTAL. He involved my family. That was GAME OVER for me.

This so true. Some how they make you feel shame for just being yourself. Your videos have helped me immensely. It’s truly insanity. How did I accept this treatment? In hindsight I see the spiral. It’s slow and insidious. You are a tremendous help. Thank you.

That's all right people I love all of you guys Through love all else stands no chance. Love your life.

3,4, and 5 hit hard. I started to get a little dissociated mid 5 just having the feelings of the abuse laid out like this. I appreciate the validation. It just feels as though I have more healing to do.

Bless your heart, for the clarity you’ve created. You are so smart. Thank you. 🙏💖🙏

That's why I want to try EMDR therapy. To take away the weight of painful points in my memory. Rejection being mocked, belittled, criticized.

This session was worth watching a few times. Very helpful. Thanks, Michele.

Michele, your brought tears to my eyes, spot on, I feel a little better just from this one video. Thank you so much.

Many good points Michele. You might want to consider another one. If your experience and research agrees. Narcissists instill a belief that honesty doesn't matter. Consider that in most households, even some highly dysfunctional ones, there is at least some premium applied for honesty. (e.g. an abusive parent might say "you will only get half a beating for breaking that lamp because you told the truth"). But the narcissistic parent says, "I don't care that you told the truth, you get the same punishment as your siblings who lied." They train their kids to be liars!!!

He would scream and shout in my face and i flinch. He then scream and shout bc i flinched. Finding my voice again. Thank you for your video

Thank you Michelle ❤ your work is invaluable, you do so much good

Thank you so much for this video Michele. It all makes sense for me.Unfortunately, I havent got money to join your course😢 Thanks to my narcissistic mother I cant work full time due to health issues. How can I break free from this inner critic etc?

Great video. Thank you for explaining this so thoroughly. They are energy vampires to a t.

Oh my word,you are always on point....EXACTLY!!😢🙌 Thank you

Your video definitely resonates with me! It's amazing how you hit the nail on the head!!! Thank you for giving voice to and exposing the truth of what sadly too many people experience, but it helps to know that we're not alone and that someone understands this!!!

Your dog is so cute ❤️😭

Thank you for summing it all up so perfectly. Even if/when we come to these realizations on our own, it's so reassuring to find confirmation. 🙂

From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much Michele🙏🏻🌹, this was spot on!!! You are truly a beacon of light in this world!🦋🌞

Aloha Michele, I really appreciate how you focus on us healing and how. There have been 3 channels that have really helped getting to and being in the healing journey. But none go into the re-wiring of oneself, nervous system etc. Thank you thank you thank you

You nailed it! Now some of us have been physically hit or sexually abused or both along with the mental games. This is even more difficult but I think we gotta give ourselves a break when we realize the notion "I was such a fool for not realizing for decades" kinds of thoughts. This stuff is tough and causes trauma bonding. I learned this from Michelle. Ty Michelle for putting this stuff out on KZfaq. You are helping me and so many others. One of the hardest things I will say is when they start to talk too much and tell on themselves and you Know for instance 'that scar on my head came from something bad' and they almost tell then mums the word. That kind of stuff is difficult to realize is real. It explains a lot and is a tiny bit validating. The worst is the fact that they are getting worse not repenting. No contact was my only way forward but only after much prayer and a direct answer from God.

Thank you Michele. From Allan.

I"m still learning from you, years later. Thank you so much. for your work!

I wish more people would have kids for reasons other than hubris and trendiness. I have always felt like total scum or a magnificent trophy. Nothing in between. I feel like if I'm ever loved, it's misguided and for all the wrong reasons. I wouldn't know real love if I saw it.

Love this content Michelle. I've been following to understand a narcissistic relationship my daughter is recovering from . Thank You ❤

I can not believe this, I left my profession 3 yrs ago, I worked so hard for it and always wanted it, and walked away from it. I havent quite figured out "why" I really walked away completely, this is so intense. To hear you say this, all the things. Wow

Nailed it again. Thank you.

I listened to the video about ruminating and it helped me for a week but I went back to doing it again and claimed up and went in defence mode again. I think I need to join the membership.

I am so so happy I found your channel, I love how there are so many contents about the coverts narcissists 🙏🏻❤️ thank you

I needed this. I spend more time on reversing my trauma from tears of nars in my head . If i spent this much time on how to be the best on computer's i would be making a lot of money. I have to try to find myself completely. Strangely enough i can separate the drama of everything he is. To when he is around. And can still be my optimistic l8ving funny self when im with my friends and family that he does not like or ever wants anyone around. I do a lot with my friends and have fun. When he pops in my head like. Oh dear i better go home he will be so difficult if he knows im having fun. Ir i have to hide what i just bought because i am not worthy of buying myself anything. I do stop myself at that moment and realize i do not give in to this behavior any more and keep going to ignore him and be me. I love making things and creating unquic things. He hates everything i make its ugly and waste of time and money. It takes me forever to finish my project because i cant work on it when he is around i hide it every day and must find a place for it so he doesnt get mad and tell me to stop making things so i never show him what i make so i can give it to whoever without questioning is it really ugly? He has every tool possible to use. I will go into his shop when he is not there use and out back so he won't attack what im doing. He is actually jealous of my work i can't do anything that makes me feel good. I am so tried of he's put downs i dont matter I am nothing. Yet i come through the next day with a better water fall that everyone wants to buy. I can not have anything i want. I do get it and hide it for awhile. Lwtely i ignore him and try nit to hide. But what i go through fir hours and days because i just dont care. The emotional abuse that lasts so long is almost nit worth making anything. I cant believe the struggle i go through to not make things worse because can not handle the looks the words it will endure. Im working on it. But if i worked this hard on anything else i would be brilliant or rich or happier. With that much time into every day struggle. Nars are not issential in any way they are so sneaky and work you forever make you feel lonely no worth sub level. My house in the winter is 58° until the king comes home and then he is cold and turns the heat up to 64 till bed time i wear coats all day. Because he pays the bill. I am so sad i did not leave this person i can not call a human. Now i do what i want and never think of him being here. He is nit worthy if my time ir heart. Shame on all the nars for the abuse they cause on everyone. Now to see hiw kuch damages h has created fir our adult kids. It is showing up more and more as they age. Nars effect at least 20 lives in their surrounding. It is crazy now to see why he yas ni friends. He is so covert its embarrasing. I'll bet he out lives me. I watch fir karma and why it has not showed up in his 75 years is unreal. He is never sick never been to a hospital not one prescription not one broken bone or stitches. Not one thing so he puts everyone down that feels pain or complains because he has ko clue about anything. He's heart will last forever because he has never used his heart. Good luck out there.

This is saving me right now thank you so much

100 percent TRUE!

Your dog looks so cute ❤️😭

Thank you for this.❤

Wow! Quite an enlightenment!

My narc husband went ahead and had a full fledged 3 months affair literally staying in someone's house when I was doing so well in my business. After that I literally was scared to do my work after that with a fear that if I get busy he will do that again and killed my business so much. He had zero regrets. Still trying to figure out how to leave him safely.

How reassuring to hear these truths. ❤❤

Thank you Michelle, spot on with my life

I can tie an event or conversation in my relationship (past recently) for everything you just said.

Thank you for the video. This helps me a lot. She was covert so it wasn't blunt like that all of the time, kind of interesting to see it from a far now. Why it eventually failed and why it was destined for that always & also why I was fooled.

Love the disappearing dog

Thank you dear for detailing how

wow..... wow. identifying this helped SO MUCH.

This is so good. Thank you so much!

What you saying is true i live with a covert narc for years and i go through everthing you saying and it so sad after thirty years he discard me for someone he have while he was with me

Unfortunately they trigger me in such a way that I become so annoyed. Like who the hell do you think you are and I begin to confront them I don't allow the projection I see it for what it is a put it straight back at them. And I can be brutal I don't loose belief in myself but I feel bad for treating them poorly. As I defend myself . I spent 15 years in this cycle and now my current partner is more covert as in dismissive and silent treatment cruel nasty angry ...I don't care if something I do makes him angry any more I just detach and think you stupid fool . I hold them accountable and it is answered with oh it's all my fault ....to which I disagree and point out no not all just this particular particular action and yes this is the consequence I have learnt they are unable to view situations from an no emotional point and see it for whayt it is . There is truly no progression and it's not about wining its about resolution to which never comes . they are a lost cause

That was great! Just what I needed to hear, I'm going back for a second listen.

Thank you for sharing. It helps a lot. 🙏

Very insightful. Thanks

I identify with every core wound. Thank you for this video ❤

My ex's favorite saying was, "WTF is wrong with you?!" Anytime I did something he didn't like. 😏

Thank you dear coach.... you are good

This is my life

So sadly true

Yep 5 year marriage with a covert ended 4 years ago and still don’t have my passion and ambition is still gone ad I freak out about damaging my life or anyone else’s . My ex engineered me out of my own life and had a 3rd proposal for marriage yet calls me a monster?

❤

12:00 🙏💜

He is dead now i am still struggling with his DDT, Weedkiller and Family poisoning.

Be safe