"We have clearance, Clarence". "Roger, Roger, what's our vector, Victor?"

Heard over military comms, someone dropped an F bomb, immediately someone called out "Who said F***?" for the next 30 minutes, contact after contact yells "I didn't say F***!" until we got bored with it.

I love it when ATC calls take on the characteristics of a Discord voice chat 😂

"there's absolutely no reason to rush" ... "Oh Dear"...

Tower: Scandinavian flight be aware, you hav a Fokker 50 ahead of you. SK: I hav been waiting my whole career to say this, i hav the little Fokker in sight. :-)

As an ex-air traffic controller in the Air Force, crap talk like this was never allowed not even with our FAA ATC counter parts that I recall. Damn, things have changed.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P for pilot) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget!

The bird's wife is no joke. Those big birds have longer marriage than the average American marriage.

Tower: Wanna turn right or left?.........Pilot: Yes........Tower: Yes, what?..........Pilot: YES; SIR!

The British pilot is flying into Berlin and asks for directions to the gate. The annoyed controller barks at him saying, "what's the matter with you, can't you tell I'm busy? Haven't you ever flown to Berlin before?" To which the pilot replies, "yes, several times in fact. Problem was that back then we weren't landing."

Rumor has it that Lufthansa 410 still waiting for burgers and fries

“I do t think he had his coffee this morning”

Best one ever, A German pilot flying a Lufthansa flight from JFK into Berlin, contacted the tower in German

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

ATC: "There's absolutely no reason to rush"

"I want you in Atlanta"

This is a long'ish story but true:

dispatch, "are you ready to copy a speed restriction?"

1:48

I miss Steve! He was an awesome controller