Chasing, begging, pleading, and hoping ain't gonna lead you anywhere. Disconnect from the person and focus on your purpose.

Understand these people are so ordinary and underwhelming when you take a step back and realize it’s you who makes them so special in your mind.

I no longer interrogate the other party when they start acting flaky, I now turn the lens onto myself and I ask 'what is going on with you right now that is making you create room and space in your head and in your heart, for this person?' This makes it very easy to detach and to disconnect from an unhealthy dynamic. I'm getting faster and faster in recognising this.

He dumped me last night. I was willing to stay and work through our problems. He just wanted the easy way out. I’ve always chased him. He wants me to chase him again. I blew up his phone last night when he ended it. Today I have not contacted him. Your videos helped me during my last break up, they will help med again. No contact and working on myself starts today. Wish me luck.

i did this. i begged and pleaded to someone who was an avoidant and emotionally unavailable. he broke up with me because all i wanted was for us to have an open communication this time, i wanted us to fix whatever issues we had in the past, i wanted him to feel safe in opening up with me in regards to his emotions. but nah, he’d rather have it the easy way by breaking up with me than improve our relationship. it even came to the point where i said i wont force him anymore, if he’s not comfortable in doing that then ill adjust to what he wants but he ended it. 43 days of no contact today. he’s not coming back. first few days was really hard but im getting better.

Yeah. Lesson learned. I'm anxious, he's avoidant. Definitely stuck in a cycle. Think the hardest part is always how they just move on as if the relationship never happened and I mourn for what feels like an eternity.

I feel like we fall in love with those who care for us in a familiar way - which sadly sometimes leads to old pattern

I lose interest when I notice someone is becoming emotionally unavailable for me. Rn dealing with one such person. It's difficult to move on when ur already attached to them but I'm destined to move on now for my mental peace. ❤

I needed to see this today. I’ve been so sad after being “dumped” by a guy who was flaky, made me feel I was lucky to have his attention on the rare occasions he gave me it, who told me I pushed him away because I was insecure when I now realise it was his actions that made me feel that way. This has really resonated with me and was a total “lightbulb” moment!!

You cant chage them. They dont love you. They dont even like you. They like that you like them as it validates their existence. They dont love or like themselves. If you leave them they may wake up. 'We can only love as a courageous decision only after we experience a broken heart' (paraphrased quote of Jordan Peterson).

Since I've started online dating, I realised that even people who say they want a relationship, and they even show up for us in the beginning.. they can be emotionally unavailable at the same time. Or they become it after sex. How fun is dating these days 😒

I met a girl and we clicked rather quickly. We set a date for coffee. The night before, she cancelled on me; saying she picked up an overtime shift. I told her it was up to her to reschedule the date. A week went by where I realized I was initiating EVERY conversation. I called her out on that, and the fact that she never offered a day to reschedule the date; she responded with "Ok" and blocked me almost immediately after. There are also people who act like absolute children. I'm so tired of this BS.

Sorry to tell you ladies but this doesn't get better with age. I just dealt with this with a 48-year old man, I'm 44. He claimed from the beginning even when I asked that he was indeed looking for a relationship. He tried to sleep with me on the 1st date, I said no that I need to get to know someone first and within days I got the excuses about how he's just not ready to rush into anything and needs to take a step back. 😂 Go right ahead take as many steps as you need....run Forest run!!!

He was the man who was extremely emotionally available and would call me and made me feel extremely special. One day it stopped and it was never the same. The good guy can do this too. It’s a rough world out there

I've found that the key to healthy relationships is emotional and chemical sobriety.

Thank you for the confirmation. My guy played the long game, I ignored red flags 🚩…. I thought I was falling in love, it was a trauma bond. I discovered attachment styles, he’s avoidant, I’m anxious …. He was manipulating me, I allowed it. I’ve calmed my mind. I’m not doing this very sick dynamic…

I still remember how I used to plead beg few guys to text or call me Every day. I was the one chasing them. After I started watching so many videos on these topics I have become mentally strong. Learnt so many new things. ❤ Now I have made myself so Busy no one can play games with me. Biggest lesson: Never be too much emotionally attached. You can move on very very easily💯💯

Today is my partner’s birthday. Today’s the last day I’m gonna see him and give him a birthday he’d never had. I’m taking a break from him. We’re just going around circles all the time. He told me 2 weeks ago: “This is just who I am, if you’re not happy, I just can’t do anything about that”

The ultimate emotionally unavailable person is the married person. Just don’t do it. The only upside is it may be the wake-up call you need to get clarity on why you are attracted to EU’s and do some inner work and healing.

A light bulb just went off. Thank you! Those trauma bonds....I'm slowly but surely learning to rescue myself.

Thank you for this, Matthew. I've been dating for 8 years with a traumatic and abusive past when it comes to relationships. I've been going to therapy ever since and finally feel like I am at peace with myself and feel anew in my own body. I've learned how to regulate my shit and it's honestly pretty freeing. Before I had made progress on my healing journey, my entire dating history looked exactly like this. However, I have found myself recently heartbroken over something that was so special to me. I met someone a few months ago. I felt safe with them. We could talk about the real shit and be vulnerable together. I felt seen, heard, and understood with an overwhelming amount of support on each end. But he just broke things off with me because there was "no spark," even though he knew the value I bring and says he considers me his best friend that he loves. I didn't necessarily feel it either, but I felt so safe and like my best self with this person. I preferred that over a fleeting feeling that I knew wouldn't last anyway. I now feel so hurt because I feel like they may be chasing something that isn't always sustainable and doesn't indicate compatibility. He let a good thing go, and I know I don't want someone who isn't sure of me, but it's still so saddening. I suppose the silver lining is that I now see what I truly need. And it's good to know I am now drawn to something more healthy. Thank you for helping.

Happened to me back in January. Got blindsided and he dumped me with the typical "It's not you, it's me..." and he said that he lost his feelings for me seemingly in the span of a few days. He never communicated his issues with me, I had no idea what was going on. He lied to me because he kept telling me that he loved me and still had sex with me even though he was already distancing himself. This is what hurts me the most. Been crying my eyes out for 2 ½ months while he seems perfectly fine and he continues on as if our relationship never even happened. Just heartbroken at this point. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who truly loves me and doesn't discard me once they get bored.😢💔 Feeling unworthy of any man out there because no one ever stays

Finally the video ive been waiting for. Crazy how this happens. Thank you for this

Now that I hear you talking about appreciating a sunset, I quickly remembered that during a heartbreak I was actively seeking sunsets at the end of each day. Now I understand why. I did appreciate them always have, but I would actively seek them out during that time. It definitely soothed me, but I didn't realize I was also coming off of a type of high. 🤔

Thank you for addressing this.I Am going through the worst in this worst 2017-2024 worst years of my life

Coming back to these videos is so triggering 😟 … I’m exhausted . Same pattern … love bombed then dry texts .

I wasn’t going to watch this because there are so many videos, books, etc… on this topic, but great video- concise and accurate.

You are savior, every time feel low or confused I watches your videos and they really hepls me, thank you so much for that powerful content

This is the perspective that I need. Definitely on point.

I have just had to leave yet another avoidant person, and yet again im heart broken. All he complained about when i broke it off was how much money he'd spent! Ive only just realised after almost two years that my feelings, wants, and needs were never important to this person😢. Sad times.

Great content & beautiful, soft light background with nice patterns! 😊

Thanks my dude! Needs to be on the repeat playlist as a reminder to rewatch and embed the learnings

It drives me insane😂 like please dont waste my time

Thank you so much for your videos I just signed up for your channel . Amazing as your video explains in the clearest way my situation and gives me keys to reduce my dopamine and trauma bond… I am French but your US videos are limpid … clearer than the French one thank you so much for helping us being better persons … with ourselves 🥰🙏

Everyone on dating apps is emotionally unavailable including myself I believe!

i’d love for you to talk about emotional unavailability specifically in long term, committed monogamous relationships. it’s very confusing being with someone who you know wants a serious future together, yet the relationship feels so distant and empty despite best intentions. like a shell of a relationship. would love to hear your take on this to help people heal from this type of emotional unavailability (it’s me, i’m people)

Starting to loose attraction to the highs of being with “wild boys”…. And this is a whole new concept For me.. Great advice… 🌻

Hey, I could find some insights here today. I am grateful. Thank you for your knowledge and that you give it to others. Wish your family the best. M.

Spot on, Matt! ❤

Yes I needed this ❤❤❤

sunset analogy, very powerful !

This was great to hear. I went on a few dates with a girl who really made me think she was interested by literally telling me that. She was very complimentary and just really made me feel like she was interested. On our last date we even kissed and she text me and thanked me for a wonderful evening. But I noticed red flags like she would not respond to texts or wait days. Finally got a text saying her work schedule for the month was going to be so busy that she didn’t know when she could go out but not to take it that she wasn’t interested, I just did the mature thing and said ‘’ I understand, thanks for reaching out and don’t work too hard’’ If someone is interested they’ll text you back and make time for you. Best thing to do is move on and find that person they are out there :)

I really needed this. There's times my boyfriend feels or acts less romantic or excited about us. I get sad and lonely thinking what changed. It's important I calm down, nurture myself and give us both space. Running to him more for comfort seems to close him up. I hate that it feels like a yo-yo connection but maybe that's normal relationship balance 🤷‍♀️

why is it always about helping the girl? what about the guys who get dumped and heartbroken?

Definitely not 'in search' of these people, they just seem to be everywhere nowadays? Whether they're avoidants, narcs, or grass is greener types. If they're halfway decent looking with a passable personality they tend to fall into one of these camps. They are the types that probably wouldn't have the balls to chat a woman up in person but hide behind their phones, having multiple conversations with different people at the same time. In the never-ending buffet of easy sex on offer from apps it's virtually impossible to meet a loyal person these days because as soon as there is the smallest problem they will run back on there to validate themselves with a new person. The only way this can stop is if people start calling out bad behaviour but they won't because they are too scared of 'losing' the person.

Thank you for this valuable knowledge

This helps me understand (what I see as) the volatile relationship my mother and step father have.. they are not healthy people unfortunately.

it's always married men who play that inconsistency, games and create constant anxiety. they bring the highs and lows to someone. they can smell that 'someone' a mile away who can play these emotional games on

I needed this ❤

Thank you for sharing

When ever I feel sad that I have not been texted back I just want to listen to your videos for hours until I feel better or fall asleep 💔

This came to me at the PERFECT TIME.

I'm sooo glad I was able to catch myself into this pattern of being drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. Once I did. I broke myself free from anxiety and addiction. It's definitely liberating!!

The diamond via air. It got me! We took air for granted. …gosh !what’s wrong with us? Thank you Matthew for sharing your wisdom.

Great content

Awesome!

thanks a lot🙏🏻🙏🏻

There’s so much info on the broad spectrum of red flags, would love to see more examples and signs of what a healthy relationship looks like. What are the good traits and examples of what to look for in a prospective partner?

Thank you Matthew. I pulled up KZfaq hoping you’d have something that could help me right now because I’m fighting back tears every day all day and of course.. you never disappoint. Thank you

How do we recognize a person who is emotionally unavailable in a very subtle way where they are too afraid to speak up for themselves? I dated someone who was an amazing listener, held space for my emotions and encouraged me to be myself. But he was unable to tell me tiny little things (like that I spelled his name wrong in my contacts) or big things (when I discovered 4 months in that he went along with everything I wanted the relationship to be without telling me what he ACTUALLY wanted). How do we detect the avoidant people pleasers early on rather than finding out 4 months in that they could no longer maintain the lie they kept for fear of losing me?

I’m in ptsd therapy for this exact thing. I have a pattern.

This is so accurate.

Im a man who fell for an emotionally unavailable woman. She just messed me up. I know she's hurting, I hope she finds her peace.

Make the man or woman prove they are worthy of your love!

you look happy and very lively, Matt -very good to see and congrats again regarding your wife choice 😉 key for me is the feeling that i do not want to prove anything any more. i do not want to prove to a man how beautiful or fantastic or whatever i am. no. that has started to feel so tiring, and it contradicts the peace that i have in my life and in myself. so, sometimes i do get involved with a guy that triggers the old fears (trauma) and my heart races and everything. and it's not a nice feeling, but (feeling this today) i think it's like a storm that lasts a few days and then i'll be over it. because i do not want this uncertainty any more. i want someone that says "i want you" and acts correspondingly, consistently. and i do have that in my life, and that's what i hold on to.

I was in a toxic relationship for 5 years. That guy was ready for marriage. But He wanted me to wait for another 3 4 years. Its been so long we had been dating but he was so annoying sometimes. Whenever I tried to be happy or talk about something, he would always say something bad about it or discouraged me. Always stopping me doing something I like. I always said yes to everything he said just because I thought we would get married and I do not want to have anything to fight about. I had cut off my self from every friend just because of him. He would always say something bad about my friends too that would make me feel negative. I have endured a lot. At the end I decided to leave for the sake of myself. After breaking up with him, now I feel so light, I meet with so many people now, make new friends. But the thing is now whenever some new guy reach me for a relationship, even though that new guy is a good person, I have a fear because of which I cant openup or I push them away and that leads me to feel lonely. I dont know How can I feel better again. How can I be myself again How I used to be 5 years ago.

How do I keep the past from haunting and torturing and tormenting and raping me? I'm a slave to the past, to my mind, to the memories. It's utter hell. How do I stop this? I am shattered at the reality of my life at 44.

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

Your not an option, they have to have both feet into the relationship.

Why does it have to be so deep in my case all the emotionally unavailable just happened to be the cutest physically😭 its not because they are emotionally unavailable that im attracted🙄

Diamonds and air LMFO... hysterical, but diamonds are everywhere, just costly. Air is essential and that's the beauty.

Exactly what is happening to me now...my dopamine baseline is too high and and am looking for a way to suppress it all and all

Yes i am experiencing it right now. I"m in a 3 yrs 5 months relationship right now but he's giving me a hot and cold treatment. Now he's sweet then tomorrow he's cold and distant. 😢

Can you please do a segment on British men? I feel like they appear emotionally unavailable at the outset, but may in fact just be reserved. It's very confusing for us foreign women who assume they're not interested, and it later turns out they were...

I know that feeling so well 😅

These situations are so common, basic, and not worth it!! Realistically, i am guessing I'll finally find a real authentic love in my 50s or 60s, all good! I got my babies, friends, and family. The world is my oyster.

This dating now of days is a nitemare for real 😮

Thank you for showing me the mirror! 😅 ❤ Yes, this is me. Now thanks to you, I know better!

Too many labels and names . It wasnt complicated when you met them ,so its not complicated when they leave . People have many comforts and options ( especially women )nowadays, they dont need someone in their life permanently, they just wanna fk around and jump to the next one . Like it or not ,thats the truth. We humans are more simple than we claim to be . You didn't had to try to get them ,so dont try to keep them

yup been there

I have been trauma bonded to my ex for the past three years. He constantly kept leaving. I never looked at this at this perspective of addiction. He broke up officially again and I have been losing it and I am trying to be intentional and grow from this

Great vid Matthew, well done 👌🏻 had the good upbeat punchy feel of your earlier stuff, which was always a winning teaching combo 👍🏻😁x

Mate, is your book for men to read as well? I’d love to read it. Thanks

What baffles me is how the people that are these flaky claim to care about you SO much. But then the next moment they think you ask for too much. How do those two go together?! When I care for someone I want the absolute best for them! The world!

Yeah, dating gives that addiction, but, a breakup destroys a person, thus creating these highs and lows as well.

You SAID it!!! 😢😢😢😮

Hello Matthew! I’m pretty sure there are people like me who work tuesday and are unable to watch the training live! Will it be available on your website or your LoveLife app?

One thing we know for sure is. Matthew is a fan of bamboo. 🎍

Never!

The anxiety of "this may not happen again" if I confront the situationship with her terrifies me. I always feel like "this one woman" is the last one I will meet before I die is SO overwhelming.

Oh thats horrible, so I am addicted, not heartbroken? But it makes more sense now, why I never couldnt breakup with my exs..

Question is how do you get that gorgeous diamond in your life to turn into the air you so badly need?! Idk why but the song Lucy in The Sky with Diamonds is going through my head now lol

I am struggling with my life..I lost my husband 1year ago from consequence of bizarre sports accident playing football while kept innocent in prison..I am left alone

The most exhausting thing in a relationship is someone who avoids conflict at all costs. I'm exhausted, my soul is raped, and I want to die.

Is it a good idea to BLOCK this guy who I am "addicted" to in order for me to move on? What if he changes and if I BLOCK him, I'll never know?

Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing. A man that values you will never risk letting you slip away by making you confused.

I said that thanks maybe she will take the hint

I dont chase no woman.Been burnt once.I rather have my car.men my advise is stay single.Its not worth it.

Matthew

Is it limerence?