That opening was a _scarily_ accurate rendition of everybody's first KZfaq attempt at a review series lol

"Most weapons are easier to control than a dinosaur." - Sun Tzu

Turn down to 144p and experience the beginning how it was ment to be.

I've been trying to show my friend you guys for years and he told me 3 months ago he finally got around to watching one and it had really bad audio and its wasn't "funny like I said" so he stopped less than a minute in I'm just realizing this is that video

I was so relieved when they cut from the closet in the opening. I could imagine Mike wanting to do the gag for the entire video and Jay needing to talk him out of it.

That intro really makes you appreciate their actual content

The intro is like every movie reviewer on youtube back in 2008.

I can't wait for a prequel to this series that delves deeply into dinosaur economic trade disputes and dinosaur politics

The opening had a wonderful raw authenticity to it but the rest was just a soft reboot of the last episode but with less sasquatch.

I love hearing Mike saying "smash that like button" with practically no enthusiasm. It just feels so warm.

so once they have replaced the humans as the dominant species on earth they will build houses and evolve into "indoor-raptors"

"We'll get into the little girl." Jay Bauman, 2018.

My take is that inside the RLM canon universe, Jay and Mike are VCR repairmen who actually make videos like the first section of this episode on their off-time, and all their best conversation and commentary on movies happens during their work hours, _after_ those videos have been posted online.

Wow, I almost thought this was a Nostalgia Critic video at the beginning.

the opening reminded me of nostalgia critic's technical incompetence on how to shoot or edit a review video

A dinosaur vet who's never seen a dinosaur really sold me.

7:45 Interestingly enough, in the book, Hammond is the villain. He's a lot less grandfatherly and more of a selfish jerk and it's made clear that he is responsible for everything that happens.

The volcano in this movie broke new ground.

"They are alive, like me" I was hoping that she would have ripped her skin off to reveal she was a cloned dinosaur instead of a clone

"He's subverting your expectations by making you think you're watching a complete film".

Next trilogy: Jurassic Universe. The dinosaurs now discovered how to travel to other planets.

I like how they still keep calling him Owen Thunderguns

I don't get why everyone acts like dinosuars around them is just a part of life now. There's only like 20 dinosuars let loose. It may take a few days, or a week or something, but they'll get wiped out by the military. If a lion breaks out of a zoo, a city basically shuts down until it's recaptured, or killed. There's a Trex, and a raptor running around? Welp, land of the dinosaurs!!! Oh well!!

I never really took in just how well these reviews are put together until I saw this ridiculous flat-camera, echoey intro. Makes you appreciate all the effort that much more.

Mike and Jay in the bottom of the frame in a shitty, poorly lit echo chamber might be the funniest thing I see in my sleep deprived week.

Maybe Disney can get involved and make a new Star Wars/Jurassic World Cinematic Universe with a Darth Maulasaurus that teams up with a colony of Jar Jar Binkcerotops and attacks Tattooine

Imagine if this was your first Half in the Bag and that intro starts.

I remember writing a short story when I was a kid about dinosaurs being made and put into a park except the walls weren't tall enough so they climbed over the walls and took over the world. Humanity then fled earth into outer space in giant bubbles of oxygen. Note that I am open to selling the rights to my story to any studios.

we'll get into the little girl -jay bauman

"We'll get into the little girl." - Jay Bauman, 2018

This movie was written by the same dude who wrote Rise of Skywalker, that makes complete and total sense

A DOLLY SHOT?!? This is like new chairs times 1000!

Rich Evans is a clever girl

*Clicks ahead 15 minutes just to make sure*

"two comic relief diversity hires" lol

i love how in the first movie it explains how those ball cars can take a 50 cal bullet but yet in this movie he shoots it UNDER WATER with a smaller gun and prys it off with a knife to save them

Wow, who would've thought that the best Resident Evil movie would end up being Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

I'm calling it now. >2015: Indominous[sic] Rex >2018: Indoraptor >2021: Indosapien Superior

22:30 Mike’s assessment of what “happens in movies” (stock writing) regarding Owen Thunderguns getting chewed out at a greasy spoon diner is almost exactly how Dave Bautista’s story in Army of the Dead starts.

No, that human cloning thing was great! It means we're going to get that bad first draft of Jurassic World where they start cross splicing people and dinos! It's going to be a hoot.

When Mike entered the VCR repair shop it felt like watching Mr Rogers

Really diggin the new set

Biggest Plot Hole: When the toxic gas is leaking out they could have hit the red button first and left them all in the cages but let in fresh air.

I cant really for the life of me think of a good military application for dinosaurs. There's the shock factor I suppose, but it's not like we're currently putting grizzly bears in flak armor and air dropping them all over the place. I guess you could destabilize a region with some rexes or raptors or a fuck load of compies or some shit, but then you have a destabilized war torn region *full of dinosaurs*. Its so many extra steps. You dont need dinosaurs to commit war crimes. I'm so confused. That one short fella said there were some pharmaceutical buyers at the sale so maybe pachy bile can cure E.D. or Rex spugum's good for your teeth, I don't know, this movie was dumb.

I L L E G A L M O N S T E R A U C T I O N

RLM's comment sections are a blessing. I clap everytime I see a comment that subverted my expectations.

aka Jurassic World: Fallen Franchise

The thing that really got me is that there's a town like 5 miles away from the mansion. They're gonna have a rough night because of some dumb 4 year old

When that little girl pushed that button and said that ridiculous line, I literally had an involuntary PTSD flashback to Rose Tico dooming the Rebellion and saying the "saving what we love" line

Glad you guys finally reviewed the Flintstones Prequel.

33:09 RLM doesn't get enough credit for its absurdist horror bits. This is actually kind of creepy - till you remember its Rich Evans and there are Canadians in the foreground.

The joke with B.D. Wong's character: Dr. Henry Wu died in the original book. Intestines ripped out and eaten by raptor while he was still alive.

I thought the part where Buffalo Bill cuts off a t-rex's face and wears it as a mask was a little bit bizarre. Especially when he starts having sex with a big fat scientist. Wait, the theater sent me a text... ...REPLIGATOR!?

I wonder how Mike will find a way to compare the movie to star trek this time

In the novel, John Hammond absolutely is the villain. He's not idealistic, just greedy. He cared about nobody's lives, not even his grandchildren. And, Dr. Wu is the scientist who actually created the dinosaurs. I always thought it a bit odd that he plays such a small role in the first film.

"speaking of rat feces, do you wanna talk about jurassic world fallen kingdom?' amazing

Never skipped to the middle of a video so fast

Watch it before it gets deleted for hackfraudery!

The majority of monster owners are actually decent, law-abiding citizens

This movie is not terrible in a fun way. There’s only one reason to go watch this: if you have a 5-year-old that loves dinosaurs. The you’re probably going to see this work of art many many times...

When I saw the people hiding from the Indoraptor in the elevator, I fully expected the creature to just punch the code to open it. Frankly, at that point it would have fit the movie perfectly. I'm actually a bit let down that it didn't happen. It was all so ridiculous at that point that I just thought the damn dinosaur was going to pick up a rifle and start shooting people down.

A real review. Thank god. I love you frauds even when you trick me with 25 minutes of Jurassic Park music.

Roland from the lost world wasn't THAT bad. He actually had an ideal that he believed in. He was a hunter and lived for the thrill of hunting predators. He even said that ingen could keep his fee for exchange of hunting the Male t rex. He has a brief exchange with Vince Vaughn about half way through the movie and he relates himself to the man who climbed Everest without any oxygen. By the end of the his role in the movie, he lost his friend and was extremely upset and had a realization and called ingen the company of death. That's proper character writing. These clowns are just cartoonishly bad that its unbelievable.

Woah! Is that emmy award winning vfx artist Rich Evans in the post credits scene? Incredible!

'This movie is supremely dumb' should be the tagline

The writers of Fallen Kingdom, as well as one of the writers of Dawn of Justice and Justice League, are credited as writers for Star Wars IX. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

By the next trilogy, the dinosaurs have extinguished the human race; But a group of mad dinosaurs de-extinguish them to open up a human-themed amusement park.

Did anyone feel that the t-rex to the rescue trope was overused and almost comical in this one..

The Football Team should have showed up at the end and beat all the dinosaurs.

The last bit with Rich slowly appearing is priceless. Perfectly done.

'Wow that part with the motorcycles looks really cool." Ooh wait, that's Children of Men.

"We'll get into the little girl..." -Mike and Jay, 2018

"Illegal Monster Auction" - damn that's a good band name

Nothing about the weird, shoe-horned in emotional scene with a brachiosaurus getting engulfed in hellfire? People were audibly bawling in the theater.

Why didn't she just open the big door , and leave the cages locked? That would have solved the problem.

I'm sure someone sent this to William Shatner at some point as proof of how professional and good RLM is and how he should definitely be on their podcast

I love seeing my boys bounce back after the takedown of the original vid. I approve of this hackfraudery.

haha the opening sequence was brilliant. That segment depicted nearly every youtube channel that reviews movies, music or games these days.

I agree the movie is baffling schlock but Cromwell’s line about Hammond wanting dinosaurs to be free to roam as they please is actually a reference to the final scene from The Lost World: Jurassic Park where we see Dino beauty shots cut against Hammond giving a CNN interview saying the same thing.

“Put those things back where they came from, or so help me” - Goldblum

I now want more 2007-era reviews in Mike's laundry room.

I came in expecting 30 minutes of the jurassic park theme, was disappointed.

I got 4 and a half minutes in before I realized this wasn't the most recent Jurassic World movie

The rack of toilet cleaners really makes that opening video.

Should have done the review by screen capturing Notepad with Linkin Park playing in the background.

"We'll get into the little girl"

I hated all of the main characters. I was really hoping the bad guy would just shoot them or let a dinosaur eat them to relieve the audience's misery.

Jurassic World is like the Resident Evil version of Dino Crisis

It puts the lotion in the half bag

Modern movies have made it possible for RLM to merge Best of the Worst with Half in the Bag

The opening seemed to me like Mike and Jay were kidnapped and forced to do bad reviews. I liked it.

This video has one of my favorite endings to your videos ever

You know your film is weird when Jay Bauman, fan of ultraviolent sex pervert horror, says it's weird

The low hum in the background was a brilliant touch.l

First 2 minutes of this video gave me anxiety

Can't believe they didn't mention the scene where Blue the raptor can apparently read English. There's the gas leak that's about to explode, and he looks at the sign that says 'flammable' and knows immediately to start running away.

KZfaq allows over ten minutes of Mike Stoklasa mumbling about Star Trek, intermittently chewing Next Generation game pieces like Orbitz, but GOD FORBID two Canadians try to run a legitimate VCR repair business

I liked the part where they explain that Rich Evans is a clone of Mr. Plinkett.

cloning kids. auctioning off super-science monsters. lab in the house. This is a Venture Brothers episode.

Mike smashing the keyboard pretending he is writing screenplay for the next Jurassic World film is actually very accurate. Jurassic World 6: Dominion is stupid on whole another level.