BPD is such a special kind of hell...

As a person with BPD, I want to say that a lot of my BPD symptoms come from adverse childhood trauma. My mom left me when I was 5, which created huge abandonment issues for me, I get paranoid when I think of people leaving me. I have isolated myself so much to prevent the pain and fear and paranoia of everyone leaving me. Everyone’s situation is different though.

BPDs really benefit from having emotionally stable friends who can consistently offer small words/acts of affirmation, but never react with grand gestures. Drop a few words of affirmation when they're not expecting to help them internalize it, and do exactly the same thing when they're acting up. Over time, some of them will learn that just because you don't play their game, it doesn't mean you don't value them. That way they'll be less desperate for you to prove it. EDIT: Sigh. Since people seem awfully offended by the phrase "you don't play their game", I'll clarify... It means "you won't participate in their maladaptive strategy to cope with their emotional dysregulation", and it's not meant to judge anyone with BPD, including myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Everyone is venting about the pain caused from someone with BPD. Imagine being the person with BPD.

I feel like I exhibit BPD rather atypically. I can recognize quite clinically that my behavior is toxic and my solution was to completely isolate myself. So for a while I didn't resonate at all with the diagnosis, I imposed a sort of sociopathy onto myself. After three years of being surrounded by stable, professional help, I was able to pull the plug and let the volcano explode, so to speak. I can't stress enough how important it is to be surrounded by stable people. It's absolute hell sometimes, but worth it.

My mom has BPD. She kept it a secret for my entire childhood. I only ever found out once I became an adult and my grandparents told me they kept it under wraps to allow her to attempt to have a normal life/find a husband/etc. She always would over-dramatize situations, like, stomping away in public when upset, collapsing and sobbing when getting small injuries like stubbing a toe, and other attention seeking behaviors. When my parents got divorced when I was 4, she took my Dad to court to get my and my siblings' names changed to be hyphenated "because she didn't want us to forget about her". It's really sad, she mooched off her parents her whole life and they eventually cut her loose, she could never hold a job, and now I really don't know what's going on with her. I feel a little bad for ignoring her texts sometimes but I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with it. She is in denial that she has a mental illness, and didn't "accept" her diagnosis. Really sad.

Bpd sufferer here! I disagree with the comment that we threaten suicide for attention. This disorder is can actually be so painful we really do want to die in that moment. Anything we feel is amplified, and it hurts so bad. Sometimes we talk about it to reach out for help. I’m sure some people do it out of manipulation for attention, but not all. It can feel very debilitating and because we don’t want to be a burden it can come across strangely when we bring it up. It’s not always manipulation.

BPD symptoms don't always manifest in attention seeking behaviors. For me, I hide my SH because I don't do it to seek attention. I also keep my suicidal thoughts to myself. Its a little unfair to characterize it as seeking attention.

I was diagnosed with BPD tendencies a year ago and am doing therapy for it. Wanted to share some things I learned, maybe it helps you if you have BPD, or just general knowledge about people with BPD. BPD- Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality-type adaption that appears influenced by 2 factors: 1. a genetic part, where the person is ..how to say...emotionally sensible, feels things deeply, the goods and the bads. 2. family and general environment where that sensivity from point number 1 isn't nurtured and even yet, abused. the child is very sensitive but is surrounded by people that cannot teach/learn the kid to adapt to life in his/hers brain structure. more than that, it usually comes, from what I know, and which was also my case, from abuse. A parent, mother ( from what I heard this is the majority) or a father (but it's more rare since the mother is more important for a child) isn't able, because of her own personality type and difficulty of adaption to life, to show the child a stable connection. She is either too close, either too far, the child never feeling in this case a constant stable feeling of connection. All the child knows is 2 things: I will be abandoned and no one will take care of myself, I am useless in this world and this world is a very dangerous place. And the other thing is that when the parent returns, there are no boundaries, they will get too close, and your needs will not matter. Imagine for a baby that didn't even reach the language stage of life to feel like the only person in this world that can take care of him...will not respond, will not be there. It's an unconscious connection that is being done in which the child forms the idea that help is not coming when it is needed. and that changes the way the brain works, remember while having a genetical sensivity. After a need comes and is not fullfilled, the brain understands that there is no one coming, and there comes numbness. An unfulfilled need reaches the peak of frustration, all the time, which means, that the brain will change to adapt to the unfulfilled needs and the frustration of those unfulfilled needs, creating the adaptation of not being able to be in touch with yourself any longer, because if you would do that, you would feel too much pain and frustration. So the body (brain and chemistry) chooses to ignore that, for it's own survival. Also, the whole fast-flight neurological system is almost all the time active as well because of this adaption. If you grew up learning that there will be bombs everywhere you step on, you will walk your whole life knowing that there might be bombs where you step.And that is how BPD adaptation comes and why we BPD people do not have any idea about what's going on with us. We never had an opportunity to learn to do that, to be in touch with ourselves, our emotions, wants and needs because we were all the time preoccupied on how to cope with some abuser.. our needs were not important, our survival was met as long as the shitty parent was happy, that meant our survival, since food was coming. For me it was my father, who is a narcissist. I was trained to be his slave, even now at 28 years old when I live all alone by myself he still feels entilted to things from me and acts like a maniac whenever he doesn't get what he wants. Verbal abuse, manipulation, emotional pressuring. These are the environments we grow up in. But it's ok, it's treatable, in a way that you can live a mostly normal life, with incidents from time to time, but mostly normal as i said. Oh, and you need therapy, like a lot, many years, and I think personally that I will do for my whole life since its hard without and also there is a possibility for the coping tools to fail and to "fall". So I think my relationship with my therapist will be a close one during all my life lol. Well, if you read this and you have BPD, please go in therapy, it's hard but it's fun and when you see results, trust me you will feel like a buldoser is lifted from your chest. Also you will see a new side of the world, were you feel safe, seen and heard and in which you MATTER, which if you are like me, will feel amazing

Im an older BPD and honestly, in my experience, it gets easier with age. I am nowhere near as bad as i used to be. However - it still gets bad. It makes a difference to get to know your triggers and try and explore them. Baby steps though because BPD is already mentally exhausting. If you have BPD, I see you and i hear you and i know its so hard. I know. Its not your fault.

I have both BPD and cPTSD. I confirm that when I don’t wear makeup I get less of a good reaction from people and this makes me feel really awful inside and even cry about it.

I have BPD and when I experience suicidal ideation or attempt suicide it is definitely not because I'm seeking the attention from others, maybe that's a part of it who knows I'm not an expert but I can say with certainty its because of this lack of sense of self and feeling unloved that I genuinely want to take my own life. To limit it to just simply attention seeking makes it sound like we're all manipulative terrible people which you've illustrated yourself that people with BPD have a tendency to feel about ourselves and this helps reaffirm our internal biases. This characterisation doesn't help us resolve these feelings, it only stimulates it even further.

I've always realized I've done this to my friends till I push them away, then try to explain in a wall of text but ultimately get ignored bc its annoying. Now I get caught in my own suicidal and lonely thoughts and don't know what to do. There's no benefit to removing the stimuli when I think the same things anyway, but have no one to express them to. The only thing that distracts me is working till my muscles are in pain every day, but I feel empty and miserable. Before I go to sleep at night, I enter paranoia and impulsive thoughts, so I can't sleep. I also feel like I have to empty my bladder every few minutes till I'm in pain. I don't feel like it's worth living with this, but I haven't met anyone with it. I wish I just could just communicate all my concerns to an advanced A.I. that listens.

Here’s the thing, Dr. K. A lot of the time we do tell our friends to get help. Oftentimes they are getting help. We are still going to be dealing with people who are suicidal, having paranoid delusions, experiencing BPD symptoms, or dealing with a litany of other issues. There aren’t enough professionals to go around. While it’s admirable to say we shouldn’t try to tackle these issues, you yourself know there are limits to our mental health infrastructure and barriers to accessing care. We are left to plug in the gaps, for better or for worse. You don’t want to know how many people I talked off the ledge when I was a minor because my friend’s boomer parents didn’t think mental illness existed. We’ve had to teach ourselves. Thankfully, just like the families of cancer patients, we are very fucking good at it. Gatekeeping helps nobody.

For some odd reason every girl I've dated or seeing has BPD but my ex is the most accurate depiction of BPD. I don't know much about mental illness and I knew something was wrong, she told me beforehand she has BPD but I never knew what that meant. I realized I was walking on eggshells, that she would super analyze, etc. I never could understand her or help her but I wanted to and I wondered why I couldn't but listening to this video opened my eyes so much. It's mind blowing how all of this makes sense correlating to her behavior and they way she thinked. She's in another relationship now and I realize that it is for the better that we went our separate ways because now it seems she's genuinely happy with her new boyfriend.

Having BPD feels like everyone who ever hurt me is given a free pass because my trauma doesn't matter once a professional knows this is my diagnosis; the only thing that matters is making me change what they broke about me, which is an uphill battle of an indescribable degree since my brain is literally wired differently as a result of said-"unimportant"-trauma based on the "gold standard" treatment we have right now. I feel like it only works for individuals with BPD when they are so blinded by the abuse so-as to accept so deeply that everything that happened to them was totally and utterly, without a shadow of a doubt, totally their fault, so that they're not focused on actually feeling the pain of that trauma because they are already structured to completely fault themselves, so self-blame leading to self-acceptance makes sense (because let's face it, that's what DBT is underneath the skills; you [the bpd individual] are at fault, but that's okay because we'll teach you to be compassionate to yourself because you blame yourself, and because you blame yourself, we have a way in to give you a reason to do something different so long as we can keep your "trying my best to not be the asshole that I accept that I am" aspect under control]). What I'm saying is not about not taking responsibility for the symptoms of my illness now (which I wish I didn't have either; who would want them?), but I feel like even the doctors have got it wrong. Imagine your trauma (as a child) is around being made to feel like you're at fault for someone else's problems, or you're just the "weird kid" to everyone in your childhood, so you have this complex around your self-worth. The fact is, all the would-be "good parts" and uniqueness of your personality are shutdown and hidden because your history has convinced you that anything you think is "good" and "right" about yourself - anything you would normally trust as enjoyable and acceptable aspects - have been perceived as negative and worthy of rejection. So then you start getting close to people, and those parts of yourself start to slip through the cracks; you begin to trust a little here and there to let yourself loosen up, be playful, and come out of your shell, and then you remember what happened when you were just starting to form a "self," so then the symptoms of BPD take over to protect yourself from that ever happening again because you feel vulnerable and at risk due to the trauma. Then, in a therapeutic setting, what happens is that the focus is on your faults (just like the past), and not on what positives were exhibited in the recent past interactions (like opening up, sharing, being vulnerable, etc.) that "triggered" the onset of the symptoms appearing. It's very much a two-steps forward, one-step back kind of disorder, that's for sure, and it's embarrassing - to say the least - to be at the mercy of a mind that doesn't play nice with its own body according to what's typically expected. I think it's very complicated, and I hate the mindset that there's a manipulative aspect to this disorder - especially one that is purposeful with ill intent - as I personally cannot relate to that at all, but when even the doctors suggest that there is a pervasive "toxicity" to individuals with this disorder who just need to learn to basically "get their shit together," so to speak, it really upsets me. Again, there's no desire for having a lack of confidence, a lack of trust in one's own choices, or emotional lability, fear of losing control, or basically for my neurotransmitters - against my will - to be sending the wrong messages around in my brain so that my feelings result in atypical reactions based on the patterns of behaviour that were not conducive to teaching my amygdala and those synapses/etc. more healthy/typical responses. People have no idea how much energy I expend on just trying to keep myself "cool" and how much self-doubt and fear of my own "self" overreacting or embarrassing me with because I live with a highly stigmatized disorder that I get the bare minimum of compassion for if the symptoms of it become apparent. I have to hide my struggles from most people, which only leads to avoiding getting attached to anyone due to that causing the symptoms the most, and the fact that having to try and shove my symptoms down is the only way to avoid further rejection does not make me develop any confidence in ever forming a "worthy" sense of self that is acceptable, inside or out. It's an absolute shit disorder, and the best scapegoat for abusers who leave this damage on an individual. I do think this is both a developmental and attachment-based disorder, and I agree that consistency is important in forming something more healthy but that's a lot to ask for when you're already a full-grown adult; I just think a lot of the advice out there for treatment is so off the mark, and given 100-200 years, people will be looking at it like it was on par with a level of torture compared to whatever they discover by that far-off time in the future. We're nowhere close to where we should be with understanding mental health, illnesses, or treatment, and it's really sad.

Great advice on how to deal with BPD sufferers. They need to know you care but you can't be controlled by their moods. Also they don't really want to control people and "bother" them so slowly showing themselves they can sit through emotional storms while knowing support still exists is huge. "I can't come this minute because I'm eating but can we talk tomorrow at 2p?" is perfect. It gives them the ability to practice survival skills (prove to themselves they can survive the pain) but knowing they aren't indefinitely alone with their legitimately extremely painful feelings. Thanks for giving smart and not demonizing information.

Just got out of a 7 year relationship with someone who has BPD. All of these scenarios are EXTREMELY accurate and I wish I could've sent them this video and had them watch it without their extreme fear of taking responsibility for her words & actions getting in the way so that they could see my perspective. We started dating when we were late teens and I had no friends, neither did she and it was the best relationship high that I've ever experienced for about 2 years because we had each other and that was it. Nobody was getting in the way of our time spent together. Then I made a lot of friends over a few years and she completely switched as a human being. At the 7 year mark she got physical with me (this was about 6 months after she was throwing hands at a friend of mine) so I dipped. Never settle for someone who puts their hands on you, it ain't worth it.

BPD is a huge challenge. Unfortunately it's also a huge challenge to friends and family to people with BPD. I had a childhood friend who was always important in my life. Unfortunately as she entered her 40s, the pattern of unsuccessful and sabotaged romantic relationships started to pile up and she started to crumble. After years of trying to help her, which was always a great challenge, she started to turn on her friends, one by one. When she finally turned on me, it was viscous and hurtful. At that point, she had no friends left in her life. I don't even think she was a particularly severe case of BPD. The behavior pattern is massively destructive regardless.

I’m a male with bpd and adhd. I think I have a good handle on bpd right now though. I’m in therapy too. I have a wife and kids - honestly, if you met me you probably wouldn’t guess I have it. At this point of my life I’m great at masking any negative emotions and internalizing them instead of unleashing anything out to the world. It’s still hard but at least I try not to let it affect others.

I never really knew this aspect of BPD, as in the fact that they have a fragile sense of indentity. I always wondered why people with BPD experienced emotions more intensely, and this makes a lot of sense.

I had a friend at the start of an undergraduate programme I was attending and she mentioned that she had BPD. It was JUST as you described; intimate, intense and short-lived. Thank ya for this video! I've been struggling with the aftermath for a good year+ now and this vid really opened my eyes to what I didnt know

Thank you very much. That was one of the best explanations of BPD and the difference from bipolar that I have seen yet and I've been doing over a year of research.

you should do a similiar video about ADHD! personally i would love hearing your thoughts on the correlation with that and gaming addiction.

I'm a male with bpd 24 diagnosed at 20, I havnt had the suicide attention seeking, but it's made my life hard in many other ways, the best way to describe it is you feel every emotion much much more intensely than the average person, from sadness to anger to grief, it's up to the person to deal with it. But it's hard and that's why we have a 10% death rate from suicide, and 87% attempt atleast once, I've attempted 9 times only one was for attention to test if the person cared. Life is alright now, but I am lonely, I'm considered very attractive, but dont let women close because they only care about sex when it comes to appearance, I don't let people close in general because I've been shattered and rebuilt so many times from friends and women, and the sad part is I never did anything to deserve any of it, I suffering silence.

I was diagnosed with BPD and PTSD in the hospital after my 5th suicide attempt. But I had no idea that I was doing it for the reaction from others. But it makes so much sense now. It has been over 11 years since the last attempt, but now i can see it coming out in people pleasing. I had no idea that I was still suffering from it.🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ WOW, this video was so beneficial. Thank you!

I have been diagnosed with a non defined form of schizophrenia, and I have to say. It shocked me to finally see a psychiatrist who is so well understanding of his work and study. and so socially skilled as well! I'm happy to have found this.

What can I do against this paranoid behaviour stemming from insecurity? In my last relationship I suddenly went mentally batshit (without letting her feel any of it) because I thought exactly: I tricked her into liking me and she'll leave as soon as she realises there are better people. It was awful. How do I prevent that?

I LOVE HAVING FOUND YOUR CHANNEL OMG, thank you for all the things you teach us!!!

I got constant mood swings everyday. At times I feel depressed and it lasts only a little time but it comes back at some point. I also feel like a burden to others and have hard time to get out of apartment.

Just a PSA that gestures of suicidality are not just gestures. There is a reason that 1 in 10 of us actually die by suicide. We have a 50-fold increased chance of attempting suicide compared to the general population. There is a real, genuine risk that we will harm ourselves. I just wanted to say this because Dr K said it like it was only for attention and not actually serious, but it is not just for attention, to us it is literally a matter of life and death. We genuinely feel like we have to die to escape the pain.

I wish i could come on stream to talk about my story. i feel pretty misrepresented by this video by someone who doesnt go through this even though I think Dr. K is a bomb at what he does

Another super helpful video giving a really comprehensive breakdown of BPD in a way that i can actually get use out of 🎉🎉 thank you!

My Mom has BPD and it's really hard trying to connect with her. There are times where I have to keep my distance from her because it will start to affect my mood too much. She told me she is getting help but she also lies a lot so it's hard to tell if that is true. I'm going to buy the book you recommended and hope I can get a deeper understanding on BPD. Thank you, Dr. K!

Emotions floating underneath the surface. I love this description. It encapsulates so much.

Thank you for another great and highly appreciated video. You always calm me down and help me to get back to a better, more rational and objective state of mind. Haven’t read the book Walking on Eggshells because a lot of people with BPD feel it is not the best representation for them and has created further stigmatization but it’s always recommended reading. I’m not BPD but do listen to info on it as a way to understand more about the condition.

Always worth exploring your opinion on your life and especially upbringing more carefully. It is a hallmark of CPTSD and trauma sufferers to discredit and downplay their trauma history. Often times it becomes so long forgotten that you can’t tap into the emotional bank that previously held the now ensuing trauma symptoms. You were on a ship a long time ago. That ship sank and you were abandoned to stormy and cold seas. You’ve possibly given up hopes of a better reality. Your life is now nothing but stormy seas and with no end in sight you’ve accepted that this is just the way it is. You can become well again.

Thank you so much for this video, relating to borderline personality disorder I personally haven't been professionally diagnosed but i know it's a problem i face. It is extremely hard but listening to this video has given me confidence to persevere through on and try to improve myself.

27:20 emotional lability is something present in Borderline P.D. aswell.

I formerly had BPD (not officially diagnosed, but I had all the symptoms in a severe form), and having a stable relationship makes all the difference. I still have a tendency to hyperfixate on various relationships, which lets me get close to people very quickly, but then there comes a point where I start losing interest because I internalize my assurance that these people will eventually leave me and it’s far easier to cut them out of my life before they can do it to me. It’s also quite draining to hyperfocus on relationships for extended periods of time on both sides. I once did this to a person and she called me out on my behaviour after I randomly started talking to her after a long period of silence because she didn’t understand, having assumed our paths were to diverge indefinitely. It got to a point where she sat me down, explained how my behaviour was problematic, and how it impacted her, and then gave me an ultimatum with a period of grace to see if I could make the changes necessary to accommodate a healthy relationship. It’s been over a year now, and I feel far more confident in who I am as a person regardless of how others feel about me. There are days where I can feel the residual affects of BPD and if I’m not careful, I know I can fall back into dangerous habits and mindsets, but having a person who values me and pushes me to do better has been a deeply rewarding experience. Most people in the past have given up on me after we drifted apart, so the perseverance really made all the difference. But it’s extremely hard on the person in the supporting role, and she asserts that’s not something she would ever want to do again.

This is an awesome explanation. I would really appreciate a video like this on OCD or alcoholism

I appreciate this video but I think possibly moreso the comments. Hearing Dr. K explain what Borderline Personality Disorder is was like hearing somebody describe my boyfriend almost to a T. I've known him to have some very obvious mental hardships since I met him but he doesn't have the opportunity to get mental health evaluations/treatment like some of us do, so sometimes resources like this are all we have. And thanks to everybody here telling their stories and giving explanations I feel like I have a better understanding and can try to do better myself as support.

On one hand like it nice to know about this stuff. But since I got finally got diagnosed and been learning more and more. I find myself shutting out people or and more. Like I already had a fear of attachment. Most ally I dont know what happend when I attach. Learning about bpd and being diagnosed has only made that fear worst.

I struggle with CPTSD and co-occurring substance use disorder (currently clean/sober for 18 months). My CPTSD was caused by growing up with a parent with severe BPD that could go into a rage or become violent in the blink of an eye. In my adulthood they would often call and threaten suicide and I’d spend hours talking them down. This would send me spiraling with my CPTSD symptoms and increased substance use. Eventually, I just had a wellness check done instead of me being the one to “save them.” They were furious that I did that, but the suicide threats stopped.

I have BPD and this video is a fantastic way to describe the BPD dynamic. I've seen a lot of these videos but this seems to get to the crux of the issue.

Just 15 minutes of this video was worth more than the year of therapy I did for BPD. Thank you

I have BPD and I never knew you made a video on this. I'm glad you've made one on this. I completely agree with all you said, especially the sense of self. I don't really know who I am anymore, I don't know what to do, and I can't even describe who I am. It's hard to keep on living when it's just not worth it anymore. I'm just existing at this point, with an image of myself inside of just.. a blank face and two eyes. My personality and morals change with my mood and you just... you were right on target with everything you said. Needing care is really important to me. I feel like a piece of shit whenever I feel like that, because I have huge cuts on my arm, and it's for that exact reason. I try to hide it, because people usually describe this behavior as being an "Attention Whore" but.. I just want to be loved and taken care of. I've never directly told someone that if they didn't do something I would kill myself, never turned it into an abusive thing, or even told an ex that if they broke up with me I would kill myself but, I have attempted it before, and told people I was going to do it, but in the end I just couldn't jump. I've also tried overdosing but my body just ate them up and I had no issues, so I just moved on. When people can't deal with me anymore, it hurts because I both feel like shit like you said because I made them run off, and because someone who cared for me has left me, so I try not to talk to anyone, it hurts too much to go through all of it. I don't know what to do, because I feel like I can't create any connections. I feel like I need the attention, whenever I meet someone I feel the need to be their friend immediately and cling to them, even though I know it's toxic. Controlling behavior is also something that I know is not a great thing, but... Well.. Once again, you described it perfectly. You probably won't ever see this, but I wanted to ask. How do you deal with the intense relationships? Like I said earlier, I latch on to people rather quickly and intensely, and I know it will always end the same way, but I can't do anything about it. I feel that need to be cared for. I've been to neurologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapy, admitted into a psychiatric ward, tried alcohol, smoking, medication, nothing helps. What do you recommend... ?

Was with the person who had bpd and it was one of the most painful experiences ever. I was not the most mentally healthy person ever and had my stuff going on and was really struggling with fear of socialization and found it extremely hard to go out and meet people. She always knew it, and i told her how much i want to change it (especially because we were moving in the bigger city for studying abroad) and still even after hours talking to her, how much i wanna meet new people, so i'm not feeling this lonely in this big town (she was still not there with me, and i was not even sure if she's making it tbh) but in the end every time when i would go outside and try find some friends and share about that with her, she would start a big argue with me on the phone saying that i'm the worst, that i don't love her and don't care about her. The second thing what made me feel kinda more suicidal then i was before we even met was, that she made everything about herself. She knew that i had hard time excepting my own art and i felt like i was doing really bad and it was undescribably painful, 'cause it mean the whole world for me. And still, even when i would be able to show her my paintings, instead of saying something cheerful, the only thing that she would always say is "yeah you're so great and i'm literally nothing, useful, untalented piece of shit", and how can words like this not make me feel even worst? I was always trying to stay the most calm and supportive person for her, until i guess it totally broke me. Moreover, every time when i tried to leave, she would say that she's gonna just kill herself, because she has no meaning without me. So i was kinda stuck in the whole thing, totally burn outed. Hope you guys making some good dates and researches before starting some relationships and when you see that the person you're with is absolutely not okay, please find some help before it affects you, stay safe y'all

If you’re anything like the majority of sufferers that are in the camp of “I don’t know what’s wrong me. But something definitely isn’t right.” Which I’m lead to believe you are given your description. Then you must be willing to accept the fact that when you were at your most vulnerable and naive. In this case, as a small child before the age of 5. That you were at the behest of your environment and therefore people that may not have given you the proper coordinates to create a sense of self. Often times adverse childhood experiences, or in layman’s terms, a not so great childhood. The boundary that separates “the self” or your fragile, boundary-less state has no way of discerning or compartmentalizing your input. In other words, if you at the tender age of 5 witnessed extreme disregulation due to a non stable environment. This can be anything from moving states frequently, domestic violence not necessarily aimed at you but at the people you love, or anything that could prove stressful for a small child. You don’t get the opportunity to develop a “self”. The bittersweet irony of it all is that you can’t remember the events if anything at all before the age of 5. The cognitive apparatus is not yet in place at this time developmentally. Therefor the neural network that does “remember” it is your primal and base default mode if you will. This part of your memory formation is still with you and remains with you for your entire life. This is why you feel anxiety and depression arrive seemingly out of no where. There is no kind of lucid or vivid memory there to inform the emotional responses you’re feeling. In other words, the triggers for the deep seeded emotions remain while the parts that would allow you to reflect and gain insight into them is long forgotten. This is why it is so difficult for individuals with trauma history’s in adolescence to fit into or gain any help from modern therapy modality offerings today. Please do yourself a favor and read or download Pete Walker’s: CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. You’ll gain a ton of key and valuable insights into your turbulent emotional states. Lastly you mentioned that you feel emotionally inconsistent. This is due in part to being locked into various trauma states that went unhealed. You have a sort of Pandora’s Box that gets opened anytime you interact with the real world. Environmental triggers from the real world dredge you those long forgotten emotional responses from old. The moment something doesn’t go right or you feel immense pressure from your environment. You can be catapulted into the emotional state of any one of the locked away unhealed trauma states. Imagine being enveloped into the thinking, feeling, and being state of a 5 year old inside of a 17 year old’s body. It can be overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. Hope this helps you.

I wonder if he has a video about narcissism. This kind of breakdown of narcissism would be really helpful.

Me and my family basically all have emotional lability - I looked that up a couple years ago and thought I had it, then you described what it's like, and now I know not only do I, but my whole immediate family does, too. At least me, my sisters and my mom do.

Can you do a video on avoidant personality disorder?

A thing that i want to point out is that sometimes cutting behavior imo is done with the thought 'if i feel physical pain it relieves the psychological one at least temporarily'

Borderline is different than things like bipolar disorder as well because borderline is gonna show up in different ways for different people and depending on what role you play in the borderline’s life they’re gonna act different. Some people with borderline are incredibly confrontational, have noticeable anger issues, sometimes get violent. Other people with borderline, like myself, tend to take their anger out on themselves because they blame themselves for everything, any slight change in tone, Example: My boyfriend hasn’t texted back yet? He’s probably lost interest like I knew he would because everyone leaves me eventually. I don’t know what he ever saw in me in the first place. If I was prettier he wouldn’t do this, ugh I hate myself I’m never eating again. That’s the type of shit my brain would pull but someone else with borderline might react to the same situation in a completely different yet equally irrational way, Like,,, he’s still not texting back after I told him I wasn’t feeling good? I would never do that to him, what an asshole, I deserve better than this, If he won’t help me I’ll just have to ask another guy. That’ll teach him to not ignore me again. Borderline can be difficult to spot if you don’t fit the stereotypes However bipolar is the same no matter what, like some people might be more prone to shopping than others when manic but either way it’s very obvious when someone swings from mania to depression.

Reactionary responses from early childhood adaptations in adverse childhood experiences is largely to blame. To whom it may interest. I suggest you look into CPTSD and it’s many manifestations. Including BPD and NPD as those two in particular build the often toxic relationships between fawning codependents/Borderline presentation (abusee) and the overt/covert narcissist (abuser).

My mother has BPD. Recently I had to go no-contact with her. She was incredibly abusive, verbally and physically, to me and my family my whole life. It was even worse for me that my grandparents would continue to enable her and therefore no one took the abuse seriously. I was begged to keep giving her a chance, but it always made it worse. And, on top of that, she is a violent alcoholic. I've begged her to get help, but I genuinely hate her, and as an adult I can't expend that energy anymore.

You are amazing, I swear. Ur better than people with BPD that I've listened or any therapist. Just continue your work, you really save lives

Can you do a video like this about both types of bipolar? I would personally love to hear your perspective about when you have to live with both bipolar and a ADHD diagnosis. My sister has this and I just want to understand more about it from a psychologist.

I got ADHD, Borderline personality disorder, substance use disorder, stress, anxiety, ptsd and depression. But I also game, how come i never knew of this channel... Imma subscribe! The bpd stuff you touch on are pretty accurate to me, i can confirm some of this myself!

I have an history of surround myself with really demanding/almost abusive people who rely on me a lot and was never there for me. II understood that the structure was already running n my family, but the worst was that I had the same pattern in the peopl I choose by my own, meaning that I was the one repeating the pattern. Is today that I get how I was doing it. Thanks doc. Now it looks obvious.

Wow, this really explains the falling out I had with a friend this year. I always assumed he was just a narcissist, and maybe he was or wasnt, but I could not handle him for long periods of time. My empathy began to run dry when he constantly wanted validation for everything he did.

I have BPD and I remember complaining a lot to my therapist that something that was awful for me was that I realized my parents never really focused on me when I tried to say something or express myself, they wouldn’t take me seriously or just neglect me but then if I had a bad grade ot got “actually sick” they would stop and look at me and that felt terrible because… I only mattered if I was broken? If it wasn’t visible they wouldn’t care or pay attention so eventually I started to get worried when I was having a good time because that meant they wouldn’t look at me at all! And I had those self sabotage thoughts and sometimes it stills happen but now how to get their attention properly or even be without them. About self harm and attempting I have gone through both but like, not as attention seeking at all, the self harm was more a sort of punishment or even relief since I deal with quiet borderline and the attempts were really just a desperate feeling of not being able to take the pain anymore (I’ve been through depression as well) and trying to escape or end it.

I have a lot of BPD characteristics as well as other psychiatric problems. I have been very suicidal at times, but I do not make suicide attempts or cut or call people to threaten suicide. It's disturbing to think that if I ever discuss my suicidal ideation with someone that they'll think I'm being manipulative. Isolating myself is the way I keep my toxicity from spreading, but this has served me poorly.

Great definition of mania. I have BPD and BP1 during mania I feel exhausted but my brain is so active I physically CANNOT SLEEP I'll go 4-5 days sleeping 2hrs a night. I feel exhausted but cant stop. and once I crash I become so fatigued I think Im sick.

Dr Daniel Fox has an awesome channel all about BPD if you are cursed with this horrible illness. Wouldn't wish it on anyone, even those who blame the sufferers for having it.

i hate that people say it’s attention seeking when we express our emotions. like no? just because we seem to have tantrums doesn’t mean it’s for attention that’s just how we think. esp with like sh and suicidal tendencies, sure some people may but a lot don’t. hearing we’re just seeking attention is super negative to us too, just like the example of being called an asshole he used

Can you post more about BPD! Maybe discuss the sub types?

6:09 7:25 10:35 11:21* 17:40 18:24* 18:40* 20:30 26:58 27:40*

Great video, thank you

> [Dunning-Kruger stuff] In the paper I've read, it may be the original, the top third of performers on purely intellectual tasks _underestimate_ their own (relative) performance, whereas the bottom two thirds overestimate themselves. If you get promoted and pushed up the skill hierarchy until you're average in comparison to your peers, the top performers will eventually compare themselves to other top performers and feel average _compared to other top performers_ rather than compared to the whole population. But if top performers feel average they underestimate themselves.

My older brother had a mental breakdown at 27 and my parents (not so stellar parents) neglected his care and me being the mini-nurse at the time (I was like 15) they didn't say anything when I delegated his care to myself. I was giving him his pills and he had not been taking it, I was a kid so I was scared of my own brother so I'd just assume he was taking them. Later, he had a mouth full of pills and started smiling at me in the most Joker-esque way so I ran away and told my parents. They didn't care, later that brother started getting more symptomatic and screaming at random times during the day- all my parents would do was yell back at him cause they didn't know what else to do, being older, I know it must have sucked for them to know their kids inherited whatever mental illness they were carriers for.

I have BPD but i watched a lot of stuff about it and ' identified' it's behavior so i started suppressing the bpd traits and negative parts many years ago and now, many years after, i think i've taken control over my bpd to a very high degree and it barely affects me in comparison to before. I'm sure its still there and its impossible to remove it 100% but i feel much better and i actively know/understand whats from bpd and what's not

I really hate when i have to go see a new psych nurse or social worker or counselor and I'm in an elevated mood, coming out of a depressive state. They ALWAYS jump to the conclusion that it is bipolar disorder. It's not. It's the emotional liability of ADHD combined with situational anxiety - needing to pull myself out of a depressed state because it's causing problems. So frustrating.

in 2012-2013, while i was 7-8, i watched my dad commit domestic violence to my mom, i was bullied physically verbally and mentally, I tried to get help about the bullying from teacher who ignored me. Then my dad told me he was going to stay over at his friend’s place for a night but i knew deep down he wouldnt come back so i tried to beg him crying screaming but he left. He said he’d come beck the next day at 7am so i woke up at 6:45 am to wait for my dad, then i called him at 7:05 when he wasn’t home yet to where he responded to saying he was never coming home. Then, my mom was becoming a alcoholic, started self harming, binge ate/participated in disordered eating and called it stress eating, and started watching porn. I was also bullied for having a diary and so i ripped it up and threw it (I now regret this because i really want to remember everything that happened because of my dissociative amnesia). 2013-2015 I had a best friend who i would constantly get angry at even if it was a really small thing. I believe now that this is also where i started showing symptoms of idealisation and devaluation. I would change my personality with different friends but was only my "true" self with my best friend. in 2015 my mom was going into debt trying to raise my sister and me. 2016-2017 I was once again bulied for my weight and was isolated by my group of friends. 2018 I was groomed by a 27 year old online as a 13 year old and was brainwashed into sending nudes. i continuously found men and women above the age of 20 to sext. I also started masking here. 2019 I got into a relationship with someone who had depression, relapsed into cutting because he was self harming, and got cheated on 3 times. I developed a restrictive ed and called it "healthy eating" and got diagnosed with depression and cptsd. 2020-2022 through these years, i got into 8 other intense relationships, including 1 where the s/o was a stalker.I had a counsellor, psychologist, and psychiatrist but gave up because treatment for my depression never worked. I stopped taking my meds around 2022 and lied my way out of the the sessions. My mom also worsened things by constantly telling me me being on ssris were making me gain weight. 2023-now i got into a relationship with my current boyfriend, realised we had many struggles due to differences in personality. I got into a uni where I'm studying psychology. This is where i found out he was possibly on the spectrum and i was most probably misdiagnosed as depression and instead had bpd. I'm waiting to get my government covered health expenses approved so i can go seek a professional to find out whats going on with me.

12:42 "Most of what people think as mental illness is someone not thinking right" Shit, that's really significant.

I have BPD but its not as severe as some people like some people in the comments referred to im seeking medical help soon so hopefully ill get better soon :D

Dr. K, you are amazing. Just letting you know this truthful fact.

20:22 as someone with adhd who smokes pot I have no memory it was cool watching how you can back step where I would have thought looped

What stream was Dr K talking about when he mentioned Henry quiting Clash of Kings and ending up suicidal in a hospital?

When I was diagnosed with BPD the doctor worded it in such a way that I felt like I was the problem. And lately whenever I read/hear about BPD it feels like I was right.

I once met this woman who presented like she had no emotional control. Like none at all. I’m talking like her mood swings were so instantaneous and complete it was legitimately unsettling. She could go from crying actual tears of sadness and grief and then, I kid you not, 5 mins later would be laughing hysterically and dancing around about something else. It was unnerving and I have no idea how my ex friend could stand to hang out with her.

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I am diagnosed PTSD. I'm terrified that do have BPD because I show a lot of symptoms of it. I'm working on it the best I can by myself because I'm unable to get medical intervention, I hope anyone else whos struggling with this is able to get through it

I was diagnosed with bipolar 1, but my mood swaps throughout the day based on how my interactions go. If someone is rude, i become upset and it doesnt change until someone is nice (or potentially when something good happens to me, but its rare). My mood can swap many many many times throughout the day, or it can swap a few times, entirely based on my interactions. I also have a very vague idea of who i am as a person. If someone insults me, i become very hateful inside, but i push it down. If someone is kind to me, i feel super good and compelled to do something for them (I used to buy people food or drinks because it would make them happy, but i realised i did that because it made me happy when they said how nice that was of me)

Asuka in Evangelion. Ugh, I think this is my problem. Every time I hear about it it seems like this is my problem. But a lot of therapists won’t even take BPD people in.

I never reach out to anyone because I feel like I’m bothering them. I always feel like a burden.

I have the low sense of self but I don’t go out of my way to get attention, I actually find myself isolating myself much more due to my unstable relationships.

Please let us remember that there is no one size fits all when trying to explain these disorders. My experience of bpd suicidal ideation has never been about garnering sympathy or attention from others- on the contrary; it is instead a personal and very private quest to leave this earth.

Excellent video

You have to be one of the more articulate psychiatrists I know of

To generalize BPD as attention seeking is off however coming from a person who have had BPD The complete lack / no foundational sense of self is completely true and over time it’s the coping mechanism that becomes their personality

everything you said about borderline personality disorder fits to my actions and thoughts

11:40 I was in the exact spot 3-4 years ago. There is hope boys, you can change anything or everything that you want about yourself.

My close female friend had a terrible, terrible bpd partner. Who was a constant user of bath salts, he was jobless, he cheated on her, he lied to her, he betrayed her, he threatened her with unaliving himself if she leaves him and gave her ptsd. Some of these people are too far gone and it's impossible to help them. I personally try to stay away from them. Of course, all of these people are different and some of them can be stabilized.

Wait.. I've had these feelings all my life. Thought this was normal fml

May I ask where the thumbprint face and suit photo comes from? I've seen it used somewhere else but I'd like to know if it means anything

dang, I talked w someone w BPD on tinder. Barely knew anything about it they ghosted me out of nowhere after a couple months, I could tell when they were trying to manipulate me or were acting super paranoid, and never got played by her. She would randomly say she is going to kill herself if I dont leave work and see her rn and other stuff. It was really annoying but I think she liked it when I didn't play her game and got into arguments w her then forgave her but idk it was really toxic and I was going to stop talking w them soon anyways so whatever.

I have had to deal with an abusive step dad with borderline personality disorder. And an abusive ex-girlfriend who ended up having borderline personality disorder. I just can't seem to get away from it and I've grown to resent/hate people who have it

My brother needs to hear this. It’s laid out so simply it really strikes a chord. Saying BPD is actually logical is so accurate. It’s just a perversion of logic. I’ve been trying to find a way of saying that besides “illogical/unreasonable/irrational. Knowing my brother though he’d find some way to completely discredit the video.

I feel like a lot is suicidality that BPD people experience is not always for attention. I feel like this type of BPD where people "send pictures" and selfharm for "attention" is a specific type of BPD. Not everyone with BPD does that, in fact, a lot of people I know with BPD do not do that.

my friend has bpd and the child exmple fits perfect. problem is like my mom i spoil my kids it took a while to realisev i should just say no sometimes. like i just say we talk about this when i can.