As a kid who once was in the foster care system that has been with the actually bad/scary adults I wish I would have had you!! It would have made things soo soo much better!! So since the kids don’t really know how much you are helping them at the moment, I would just like to say thank you!! And I wish there were more like you out there! Xoxo

Slamming doors triggered me until I was 28. It's the little things. Dropping car keys too hard, walking too quickly in our direction, a raised hand. 💜

I say "I have to walk away for 1 minute because I have big feelings"

The walking away for a few minutes is one of the best things anyone can learn. It really stops an unnecessary rage or outburst. Not just with kids, just in general.

OH THAT LAST PART wow wow wow, the actual vebage of that is really important to me. A lot of foster children have really bad abandonment issues and take bad attention as attention regardless . And some of my friends from the system genuinely would rather you yell at them than ignore them.. so the reassurance of like "im going away because i am angry, but i will not abandon you" is essential communication

Your regular emphasis on not drinking around foster kids really means the world as advice. Being from alcoholics even just smelling alcohol on an adult would make my heart sink, I'd be certain I couldn't trust them or be safe except in mornings. And as I got older and their drinking worsened I learned not even that was true, that people can wake up still intoxicated. I still remember my preteen years having stolen a steak knife I kept hidden in the window blinds above my bed to feel safe, and pushing my mattress away from the wall to make this crevice to sleep in on the box frame to feel hidden. Just having a drink at all, and that smell, can trigger so much in a kid and lose so much of their faith in you as a safe adult in the house.

Thank you for emphasizing walking and gently shutting doors. I came from a very abusive family and to this day, I jump when I hear a door slam, and my anxiety level goes through the roof, even when I know I'm home alone and it was just the wind. Sometimes I get scared when people laugh really loudly because I think they're screaming for a second. And stomping or running in the house terrifies me too.

"That is not safe, I'm going to pick you up now" is something all parents should learn honestly. Adults tend to forget that just because you can overpower them, doesn't mean you should. They need body autonomy too, otherwise we end up with even more adults who don't respect personal boundaries.

I really appreciate your message and you not using actual children, to make your point and exploit them!

I think it’s really important to always say you’re coming back. For me, I have always had anxiety I thought my family would never come back when they left me

Thank you so much for what you do for these kids. 10 1/2 years ago I was in a very bad living situation with my daughter who was 5 months old, I was also pregnant with her sister. I lived with my thier dad and his parents and they drank a lot so cps got involved and I lost my baby for 2 months until I got into a great group home. She was in foster care with an older lady named Phyllis and I only got supervised visits, once a week for those 2 months. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, especially pregnant but knowing she was with a wonderful, kind person helped a lot. She's almost 11 now, her sister almost 10 and we had a 3rd daughter who's almost 7! My daughter still has the stuffed monkey Phyllis gave her at 6 months old, his name is Bobo and she STILL sleeps with him every single night!! We need more people like you out there, not all but some of us really are good parents who are in crappy situations and just need a hand. I fought for a year and a half, one year in the group home, for my daughter, got my GED, saved up for my license and a car, we got everything for our own place then finally OUR OWN HOME TOGETHER!! Luckily I could have my kids with me in the group home but thier dad couldn't stay with us that year so it was lonely and terrifying. I can't thank my case worker Dorothy, the staff at the group home, my reunification worker and my daughters guardian ad litem (I'm sure I misspelled that lol) enough!! If you really are good and want your babies and work with cps you will regain custody!! I'm now doing a class for phlebotomy, thier dad builds houses, we have a home, 2 vehicles and everything our kids need and deserve. We never take our girls for granted, we've had to fight for them and that changes you. I'm sorry this is much longer than I expected, I haven't thought in depth about all that in a while. I just wanted to thank you and let you know what you're doing is so so so amazing and it does make a huge impact on the children and thier parents. I can't imagine how hard it is, but the reward of keeping someone's babies safe and healthy while they can't is huge. Just, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤️

reparenting myself through watching you❤️❤️

I haven’t had to be in the foster care system, but have bad PTSD from childhood. (It had nothing to do with my parents!) And my family is still working/learning how to help/accommodate for it. (I may be 20 years old, but I didn’t have normal child and teen years.) So thank you so much for caring very deeply about the people that you are reaching out to help!! I can’t express it enough!! Thank you!! -Gracie

My grandpa was in over a dozen foster homes before he got adopted around age 10. He doesn't have any good stories except the calm single mm who he ate cereal with before school every day. I wish all foster children had you.

My sisters and I still talk regularly about how our different foster care placements never told us the rules ,we would be mute and go without anything to eat or drink as we didn't know we could ask for food as we had been in Orphanages ,our behaviour was noted as we were " lazy " etc we were frozen with fear incase we made the wrong mistake and sent back,which happened .If only there were people like yourself and foster careers need to watch your vids prior to fostering .Thankyou for caring

I think these are generally good advice for any parents.

it must be so scary to be taken from your parents and put with a total stranger. it takes a big heart to love these kids. most of the time they're hurt, confused and scared. bless you for helping them

My Alexa is now playing Mellow Folk.

I appreciate the tip regarding not making sudden movements or slamming doors. Even as an adult, the trauma I experienced as a child still affects me to this day so when I hear doors slamming or someone stomping around angrily, I get so anxious or shut down emotionally. Thank you so much for being so mindful of kids and their potential trauma!

i’ve never been a foster child and have always lived in a safe environment without abuse, but i’m on the autism spectrum. i’m very sensitive to loud sounds and i don’t like being touched without permission. it’s wonderful that you’re doing so much to make the children comfortable in your care!! thank you!!!

I like how you talk to them when they make a wrong choice because yes you don’t want to scare them but even for kids or kid not in Forster talking is better then yelling unless it’s an emergency

This makes me so grateful for my safe upbringing.

Oh my God I played your video in my kitchen and Alexa started playing mellow folk and I think that’s what my heart needed to hear anyways so that it was like kind of a cute thing that just happened

thank you for giving actual advice about alcohol instead of ignoring it like that horrible dougherty woman

i saw a video from a gentle parenting tiktoker, and she said that she asks THEM to leave the room rather than walking away so they don’t feel abandoned and aren’t in the area where the Event happened

Immediately looked up Mellow Folk! So perfect for playtime, nap time, crafts… anything! Thank you

I've honestly considered to take the amount of parenting classes that a foster parent is ordered to in order to get licensed because both of my boys have Autism Spectrum and all three of my kids have been traumatized. In fact.... that is a goal for me. I don't think I can be a foster parent because I know that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

You help so many people with this content. I am not a foster parent (yet), but I am a childcare provider and this gives me wonderful insight into how to be a more gentle and welcoming person for all children to feel safe with. Thank you!

this is so calming to see, my mom has always told me stories about her babysitter who did foster care, she was the rudest mean woman to kids. she gave her bio son everything but the foster kids got barely shit. my mom wasnt a foster kid but was treated the same way because she wasnt the ladies bio kid.

“Alexa play mellow folk, walk quietly and don’t slam doors” heck yeah that’s already my whole vibe

Yeah, my husband and I both working in special education, you’d think we would be great foster parents. But my hub is too unstable, can’t reel in his emotions and drinks too much. This vid helped me realize that my family can’t foster. 😞 He has patience, but uses it all up on the kids at his school and there is none left for home.

This is the way to use a social platform knowledge is the key that unlocks all the doors

The part about being mindful of potential triggers for the child is important. When me and my brother Alan first had foster parents, he had to have an adult's hand on him and ready to immediately take him out of the car before you stopped the car, or he'd have a meltdown because our birth mom would leave us alone in the car for hours. One day our foster mom got a belt for his pants and as soon as he saw she was holding a belt, he lost it and started crying "No hit Ally, no hit Ally!" I'm 2 years younger than him so I didn't remember as much, I think my biggest thing was because I had been left out in a shed in the winter, whenever I would look out the window and see snow, I would stick myself to my foster parents like a staticy dryer sheet and keep saying "Cold! Cold!" They had to reassure me that our house had heat and take me through the house and put my hands on the wall to feel that it's warm.

You should teach classes I grew up in foster care and 9/10 the families I was in until my very last one were very very uncomfortable 😣 my last home was amazing though the first home I was in I was 9 and terrified because I had never seen people like them I had never had to sleep away from my brother they never introduced them selfs I was a paycheck and that was it, never tried to make me feel comfortable and litterally said your just a paycheck

I am a mother who is also in recovery from a vicious crack and heroin addiction - thankfully I got clean and sober the day I found out I was pregnant and haven’t dealt with any relapses, so my son has never had to know or see or hear or feel any of the things I did, growing up in an addiction environment - however, because I am in the recovery community and also know many addicts who have had their kids fostered for periods of time (both short, long, and even indefinitely for some) I wonder how you feel about the parents. What are some of the most common reasons kids are removed? Do you feel judgement or anger or disgust at the parents? Do you ever wish kids wouldn’t go back to their parents in certain situations? Do you have any amazing success stories you can share for hope for some families who may need it? I’m just curious about all the things, and, as a family who, had myself and my fiancé not been able to tackle our disease, would likely have been dealing with the foster system (I am grateful to god everyday that I have been clean and sober my child’s entire life). And a note for any parents or addicts suffering: you can and will recover if you WANT it ♡ we DO recover

I'm not a foster parent but I'm stealing some of those stages to help in life

If I ever had opportunity to be a foster parent I'd watch all your videos! You think of so many things I wouldn't have thought of.

These videos are healing something in me.

I want to become a foster parent in the future, and watching these videos always helps me learn new things, and how I can prepare for the future. Even if I can't do foster care I will definitely use these as parenting tips because this is they type of parenting I want to use as an adult.

Can I just say you are so amazing.

Remember that show “touched by an angel” ? Im pretty sure she’s an angel in disguise

The alcohol thing is huge, i grew up with an alcoholic and now when people drink i either leave or disengage with them because in my head alcohol=violence

The walking gently and closing doors really got to me. You don't realize as a kid how hypervigilant you are to those sounds until you realize they are gone....

I really appreciate your content. It opens my eyes to a new perspective.

I used to be in the foster system myself until I got adopted, your videos are really inspiring jeep up the great work!

This is educational and interesting

God bless you and what you're doing!

bless u very sweet women

Watching your videos made me realize even more so how wrong I was raised. And why I have so much anxiety today. The videos that show how to talk to the little ones gets me chocked up. You are so safe. And now I can see ways I can do better as a parent. Thank you! Hope you see this and now it's appreciated

As someone who has OCD and has to check all locks in the house before bed, this was really nice to see you offering to show the kids the security systems you have in place

I used to tell the kids that I needed a time out so I could find my words, too. So when I returned, we could talk about our feelings

You're amazing

Recently watched a channel they have many adopted kiddos with FASD and both parents consume large amounts of alcohol. You have some outstanding advice! Appreciate this positivity.

This made me cry. My heart hurts for these poor children who did nothing wrong and now have to worry about someone coming into the house to hurt them

You're doing so much good. I'm still having issues in adult life due to my parents abuse ( some still on going) I know being placed in care would have saved me so very much suffering. I'm trying to volunteer now and help other kids not fall through the cracks like I did. But no matter what if you think a child's being abused please speak up. It could be.therr one hope! As the saying goes every child deserts parent but not all "parents" deserve children. Please remember this!

I watched this video and my Alexa herd yo u and she played it you have good taste 😊

My nieces and nephew have been through foster care. Nieces stayed together in an extremely loving home, that STILL keeps in touch with them and regularly comes over to do their hair. My nephew who got separated, went through like 5-6 different foster families in over a year. He struggles with authority and had a hard life. I wish he had someone like you that just cared. Your videos make me so happy and hopeful

Your videos help me be a better regular parent, thank you!

I remember when we left my abusive childhood home, I just turned 16 and I wasn’t used to silence. I was used to doors smashing, things being thrown on the walls and people shouting. I was so conditioned to that, that I remember waking up in a panic because it was eerily quiet in the house and I had to remind myself that it was okay and that I was safe. I also would think I could hear my mum cry when it was silent or when I heard a noise because that is what I was used to. Just wanted to share. I’m all good now I’m 34 but you never realy forget.

Awwwwww❤❤❤❤ cause more often than not foster kids have been in unsafe situations from past foster homes and also struggle with abuse and trauma.

sound triggers are so real... my grandpa didn't meet my grandma until years after she escaped her father and pretty much their whole life together he had to remember to take his belt off quietly while changing bc the buckle sounds would make my grandma shiver and dissociate a bit. i'm glad there are more resources to explain these things now bc while he basically understood her triggers and adjusted his behavior wordlessly because he knew and wanted her to feel safe in their home at all times, i'm sure that wasn't the case for many people with similar issues. maybe for the simple reason that the triggers weren't perceived at all. i'm glad for things like this that allow for more collective understanding of these issues. sidenote: my grandmother was also a foster parent, and i think she was quite similar in nature to you, just the mid-1900s version of the same kindness and compassion. she's been gone several years now but she'd have loved to see people like you doing what you're doing.

Thank you for all these videos

"that is not safe, I'm gonna pick you up now" I used to work in a daycare and BOY did I say that one a lot

Thank you for sharing all that you do and for being a great person to these kids in need. Im currently 24 but my fiance have talked about being foster parents once I'm in my 30s. I strive to be like you, we need more people like this helping our children in the system

Slamming doors is a big trigger for me lol, even accidentally dropping the toilet lid myself makes me cower and cover my ears

Good advice for any parents/guardians.

I was a foster kid, and although I was not in the system for long i can’t say how grateful kids like us are for this! ❤

you should have way more subscribers

You're amazing!

Every time Alexa is mentioned, it always sets mine off and I end up with like calming spa music for the next hour 😂❤

Your such a great mom so gentle and loving God has a special place for u in heaven such a 😇

I want to foster kids when I grow up. You are very inspiring! :)

There is an art to working with this population of kids. Your videos are excellent!

Honestly some of this stuff is good parenting suggestions in general.

This is how I focus on parenting my son. I wasn’t in foster but had a very toxic mom so my fight or flight was on level 10 constantly. Thank you for being self aware and genuinely caring about these sweet children. They need someone like you.

What you do, how you take care, every detail of your work is huge and they are so broken and more than I probably could understand, this is heart breakingly precious beautiful almost like an Angel. Thank you.

I spent my first 12 years in and out of foster care in the early 90’s & now mentor at risk fostered youth and unaccompanied immigrant children in SoCal. Education and training is so important and makes such a profound difference. I highly appreciate anyone trying to change how children experience their time in care. It fills my heart and mends the child in me to see people like this. Wisdom and experience can’t be easily taught but in time we can reframe the way we foster. 🙌🏽

As someome who gets scared every time they hear slightly loud footsteps, I agree that say this is amazing advice ❤

The mom from the Dougherty dozen should watch this

These are really helpful thank you!!

Alcohol is a huge trigger for me cause I grew up with an alcoholic father, my boyfriend has follows those same things you're talking about in the video to not make me have a panic attack.. He actually learned very fast to give me a warning before any sudden loud noise and to avoid drinking heavily when I'm here. On the other hand, I have no problem with him going out with friends and drinking as long as he drinks a little coffee and tries not being black out drunk when he comes home. We're finding ways to make each other comfortable and I'm so happy he actually cares enough about me to do that because I never asked for it, i always just assume that people will be annoyed at me if I ask them to not make loud noise etc so I just go with it..

Whenever I make a loud noise by accident, I always accompany it with a funny noise like buzzing lips or a kind of “Goofy” voice. It’s just to let other people around me know that I’m not angry, I’m just a noisy person sometimes

This is very true, even though I wasn't in foster care when I moved out into a friend's family's house it was a whole realization for me that I'm hypervigilant of noises in the environment like stomping, things falling for being bonking the walls, doors slamming, etc and it would be triggering

I was in foster care from the age of 2 til three days before my 18th birthday. I was in and out of homes and even stayed with my 🤢 dad 🤢 for a whole year. That was the worst year of my life. There was only one home I stayed in where she would have adopted me but fate had other plans. Anyway after all that I've been through. I came out a decent person and now I'm finally happy. I even found my true love. He's amazing and adorable.

The show and tell safety tools is a great thing I have nightly paranoia and have for years and it was always met with “just go to sleep”

The "I will be back" is huge

As a person who was under the cps i hope you understahow much i love you, you are amazing❤

I feel so safe just watching these reels. Keep em coming please

As a foster kid this is amazing! I feel like my new foster parents are in it for the money.

god i've nvr been in fostercare.. but god i sure do wish my parents could've been like this whn i ws younger

I love how your making these because I have wanted to be a foster parent for so long and these really help me understand how I can make sure to be a good foster parent.

my alexa started playing what you said at the beginning lol 😂

i honestly wished that i had you as a foster mom when I was young malnourished and terrified 🥺

I like that you show actual realistic reactions/situations.

I’m not a foster parent but a neurodivergent family and these tips work just as well! I always warn any children if I’ll be switching on a blender, or if I see a noisy motorbike approaching us.

When I played this video, Alexa responded and just started playing this “mellow folk”

Good parenting advice in general!

I wish I had at leat one foster mom like this growing up.

I wish I had a foster parent like u the ones I had weren't very nice and got rid of all the things that ment alot to me even had to watch one be burned

Thank you so much for your great tips