I believe there's so much more I could've expanded on but I wanted to work within limitation to show how weak the original script must've been. When writing a story it's best to stay simple and consistent instead of ambitious and clumsy. Some quick notes. (I'll add more if needed) - I wrote the rewrite before watching both Arcane and RWBY, so there are similarities but they are totally coincidental. - I really advise anyone making a story to use the 6 questions of plot, stated by Glenn Gers in the video.

That's the thing that annoyed me the most. Raye had this show in his head for how many years. You'd work on and off on personalities, direction, action moments, cliffhanger ideas etc.

Knight: Carroway never told you what happened to your mother Rosemary: He told me enough! He told me you killed her Knight: No... I am your mother. (cue imperial march)

You actually made rosemary more mature which she seriously lacks from before. She is now nuanced and three dimensional. She is so much more pleasant now instead of her before, just spouting brain dead one liners or just being quirky for no reason. But hey, any rewrite for rosemary is definitely welcomed. I liked that you also got rid of parsley's whatever amount of brothers she has and actually gave her proper direction. By doing this, she is not distracted from the theme of family anymore and her intentions are not just some half-assed one dimensional family conflict. And her father isn't the asshole that's ruining his family anymore. Thyme, I think she's still underplayed, don't think she has any conflict to work on Sage, yeah, new and old magic has got to go. Fantasy is not a place for real life allegories. And thank you for keeping her hair. Her short hair is tbh terrible. She looks like a reskin of rosemary, like what luigi is to mario originally. And yes, debut mandrake earlier. So much chaos that he can create, and they put him only in the last episode. Yes, make the triad show up to save their school. I thought the old one mentioned something about terrible consequences if guardians show cowardice, it's in their long-ass boring motto. They literally did not show up for even one scene in the last episode when their school is under attack, and they're immortals. Hmm, isn't that a form of cowardice? Should they practice what they preach? Nothing about Cal? He sort of got 'Astered' midway

I would love for Rosemary to feel kiddish at first (because if she gets involved or dwells on with serious problems, she might make things worse) but slowly grow to be more mature throughout the series. I do loved the evolution of characters as they age up.

I actually like how you rewrite the whole story, much more alive and not linear.

This honestly seems like such a good introduction if this rewrite was a series, it all threads together so well, especially with giving all the characters some sort of quirk, such as Aster, with him forgetting people's names, it'd work so well cause then if a moment of high stress or danger and he gets angry or scared that he yells out the persons' actual name. it'd probably do such a good job of giving the audience that sort of "Slap in the face" feeling when the situation is so serious they break character out of either fear or anger

Guardian HQ did some great fixes with so-so voice dubbing. They made Rosemary obsessed with food and it fits. You're fixes are even better, feels like a fleshed out story. I love your idea for Caraway's transformation magic, you really gave him character.

I really really like your Rosemary redesign.Even if the technical art isn't something to write home to, the design and clothing makes her feel dangerous, fun and spunky.

Not gonna lie this is pretty good….you gave every character a purpose not gonna lie…also poor Zinnia, even in the rewrite she got done dirty…but had a purpose. But if I had to add onto the name…call it: B.T.S.D.: Blood, Tears, Spice, & Dreams

I'm listening to the rewrite and I'm happy that you came up with different ways to fix and rewrite the show than I did. If I could fix it, I would have drawn more focus on the Witch Country vs Lingard conflict. Perhaps the latter champions new magic whilst the former champions old magic, with each faction having those in its ranks secretly under the influence of the main antagonist whilst also having heroic members who believe they are fighting for the right side. It would be interesting to see whether or not the heroes and the Witch Country protagonists end up teaming up

One thing: rewritten high guardian spice should be called "High Guardian Herb"

I'm writing a comic and struggling and wow I really needed this video! Thank you!

The problem is that the executives have this idea on what works and if you're pitch doesn't fit, it's not going anywhere but the trash pile. I've heard this story over and over from actual professionals who are working in the field. So Raye's pitch fit everything that they were looking for and that's why they ran with it. Even better, the studio was allowed to use the cheap Beanmouth style, which is a series of 3-5 frame animation loops, that are reused for most common activities like walking or talking. You project wouldn't even get off the ground the if you demanded anything else.

I remember the interview that the creators gave to Daft Pina about how the budget was the problem. Yet you created something way more interesting and coherent in just 5 days with no budget. I don't understand how they could've messed that up, not having a proper plan at all for the story of 12 episodes. If you can do it, so could they! At the same time, I'm wondering whether or not I'd mess up a story myself if I was given a team and a small budget to work with. Problem is, I'm good at making beginnings and endings and typically have the problem of focusing on the middle... Maybe one day.

I came up with some cool dialogue in the fight between The Knight and Rosemary cause I thought this scene was ten times better from your rewrite! I'm still a novice at writing, so I apologize if it sounds a bit off. "Mom...why?" Rosemary clutches at her newly formed wound. "You made the mistake of using the help of your allies. You will only strike me down using your strength, and ONLY yours." The knight looks down at her squirming mess of a daughter. "Let this be a lesson that you will encounter foes that will not hesitate to kill you. I am sparing you for the time being. And let my last words to you from this point on marinate within your conscience..." "I never fight the same opponent twice." This shows two things; one, that Rosemary needs to find strength from within (as shown in the rewritten Carroway/Rosemary scene) and two, it would be a MAJOR wake-up call to the walking Hostess Sno-Ball that a Guardian isn't just someone who fights dragons; they are defenders of all that is good, regardless on who or what they fight. It would also cause a major dilemma for Rosemary; should she kill her mother, the woman that had been absent for most of her life, in the name of justice? Also, it would show that The Knight IS her mother in more ways than one.

The rewrite is incredible but if I can said something that I really didn't like is that... You didn't put slimeboy on it bro wtf what a fail lmao In all seriousness this is god like compared with the original xd

The stuff at the beginning about running a pitch in the series Bible was really insightful. I may use those to keep in mind for my own series that I'm developing. I'm nowhere near ready to pitch it to an industry yet just yet, but just to be able to develop those in case that day actually comes would be helpful to me.

I got so excited hearing like the plot and everything, then realised it ain't real ಥ_ಥ Very excited about that webtoon tho. Whenever it may come out, I'll 10,000% be there to read

I love that your Rosemary redesign makes her look like a Psychotic little Scrimblo.

The amount of care you put into this writting is clear with the end result. I do hope that big companies put even a little effort in the stories they create to have more dynamic and interesting plotlines. I myself am interested in animation and storytelling and your videos have helped alot, so thank you :D

I really like your take on the trans characters just existing as themselves, rather than having it being a major plot point. (ex. Caraway being able to transform himself, and Snap not only being feminine but also being allowed to dress that way for a ball). I do think a discussion of the struggles trans people face is something that should be represented, but I think that HGS as a show didn't do a good job. (A slice of life story would probably be something more tailored for that kind of character exploration IMO). I can understand why it was included. As a transman I know the importance of wanting to tell about my experiences and using a project to do so. But I also know that personal stories aren't always well recieved (even within the lgbt+ community). I have sympathy for Raye, and his desire to make something personal, and I don't want to fault him for that. But I also do know that the worldbuilding, the characters, and everything was just poorly handled. The story suffered for the activism. And you're right, it's too large for a film to go into without it overshadowing the story. Your idea takes a long conversation and gives it space, without it bloating the plot (a fun fantasy adventure). I'd really love to see your rewritten version. It sounds interesting, and fun, and even as a draft it sounds more interesting and well put together than HGS as a final product.

Oh wow you put more effort than the show itself. Im amazed how you can make the flow between important scenes better. Also the redesigns are so cute!

this was actually incredible, i got goosebumps listening to you describe the fight scenes

Problem with HGS is that it's too short. Shows like inuyasha and ranma 1/2 are character driven shows that span hundreds of episodes. With a huge cast of characters in HGS, there is no way to flesh anyone out in just 12 episodes. And they even waste 6 on filler My guess is that the board of directors at CR didn't have faith in this show already so they only have them 1 season to work with. If it works, they renew more seasons for HGS. And if even the people at CR didn't have faith with this show, it is already heading to a bad start. A show that revolves around characters takes time to grow and develop. It has a lot of potential, but it was too rush and too ambitious. They could have easily done a 12 episode monster of the week show, and do a great job with it and not have a lot of pressure. If it works, it impresses CR and they will certainly renew more seasons for them. If not, then move on and try again. Have a modest start and slowly build to what you want to tell. Even Inuyasha started off as a monster of the week series before the more complex plots started to enter the show The lavender reveal to me at the end just screams like a last ditch effort to salvage this show. It's like they're telling CR 'we have a cliffhanger, you need to give us a new season.' But CR is like 'lol no.'

One of the details to fix the magic system (or lack thereof), can be easily solved like this. Traditional Magic utilizes Magical Energy from Outside the body - Thus Rituals, Sacrifices, Hymes, and other Druid-like abilities would make sense, such as giving back to Nature. New Age Magic utilizes Magical Energy from Within the body - Thus Magic Circles, Wands/Staffs, and Spell Formula's becoming more prevalent. It's easier because Magic formed within the body grants greater understanding and control compared to the Traditional Method. However, to balance the two, Traditional Magic should be more powerful and profound, while the New Method should be weaker but grant greater precision and control. The Traditional Method could allow Massive Spells, such as Storm Creation where the New Method can not. Meanwhile, the New Method allows for Spells like Shapeshifting, and Teleportation. Just an Idea.

I really like you're version of Aster it sets up potential of him going through a character Arc of struggling to get used to life without his hand and that he might not become a guardian. This could lead to rosemary hyping him up to keep trying and in turn he could listen to her problems. This makes him feel way more 3 dimensional then a random jerk introduced for no reason.

The fact you had to add so much practically said it all

This rewrite is actually so concise and well done!

Nice rewrite. This version is actually for adults, unlike the original

if Rosemary was designed like that - then definitely she'd be popular considering the boom of animes like Eizouken and Osomatsu that became famous despite the unconventional look of their characters (in comparison to many anime/cartoons).

I really like how you rewrite this, especially with the main characters positioning in the story, Mandrake has more screen time, Aster actually an important character, and Lavender reveal in the end. I think if this how the show actually is, it wouldn't get as many backlash as it is, so good job!

“We are our true selves no matter how we look, the real weakness comes from within us” Oh how I DESPERATELY WISHED professor Caraway would’ve been more than a one dimensional self-insert-

You actually fixed this mess! I would love watch this new story and rewritten, what a good job

This video, along with all the other rewrites out there show the importance of proofreading, bouncing ideas off of others, and being open to changing elements to ensure cohesion and proper flow.

Oh wow, this was a really fun and engaging rewrite. Definitely way more entertaining than the actual show and it wasn't even animated. It really goes to show what putting a little effort into it can do for bad writing. HGS really felt like a rushed first draft with no direction and too many writers doing their own thing. I honestly believe Ray was approached by the studio to make a pitch rather than the other way around. Everything from start to finish on this production was an amateur mess. He clearly had no idea what he was doing and neither did the studio.

I love Rosemary’s psychotic look so much, it adds some FLAVOUR in this saltless sea of guardians high on spice

I like the movie angle! I can see it setting up a series of films, probably a trilogy. I want to try and put out some ideas for how the series could've been redone. Mainly episode 1. (Only episode 1.) I've seen Uniquenameosaurus's video, and they make a good point about how the episode title should be what the episode is about. "Journey to Lyngarth". This is quite long, but let's start at the beginning. (Edit: I rewatched trumann's vids and got his criticism mixed up with what I heard from Unique's vid. Oops) Sage mentions later in the series that she used to live in Witch Country with her family, but then they moved. I want to start the series with them moving in and showing Sage meeting Rosemary and her mother. Here Rose would brag about her mom being a Guardian and give a little kids interpretation of what a Guardian is. "A really cool person who fights stuff and saves the day!" Rose would show off her mother's sword as is hangs on a mantle and say, "My mom says that- that when I grow up, I can be a guardian too! And when I become one, she'll give me her sword! As-as-as proof of how good a Guardian I am!" Basically, this past scene will set up Rose and Sage's friendship and why they are so close to each other for future episodes. When the past scene is done, we transition to the start of the series where Sage and Rose have been accepted into Scarborough Academy. A prestigious school for future mages, knights, blacksmiths, and especially Guardians. Which I think would be differentiated learning how to use magical weapons. As opposed to knights who don't use magical weapons. I would have them already walking on the road to the train station instead of being sent off by their families. Since the families didn't play much of a role in the original series itself. Really, they were only mentioned by other characters after their appearance in episode 1. Meaning they weren't actually needed for episode 1, and instead they can be introduced later in the series when they can be given the proper amount of time to be introduced. The audience would see that Rose is carrying many things. A few backpacks and multiple weapons, including her mother's sword. Which, given what little Rose said, might seem odd to the audience, but it might very well also just be that Rose's mom changed her mind and decided to send Rose off to school with the sword instead of waiting until she graduates. Sage would be a bit tidier with her belongings. Only bringing what she needs. A suitcase of clothes, a bookbag for school, and her broom. They aren't flying to the station because the broom can only fly for as long as the user has magic available to fly with. Since Sage isn't a skilled magician yet, she only has about 2 hours' worth of flight magic in her on any given day, and she got it to two hours through hard work and training. In this version of the story, Rose and Sage haven't been accepted in the academy yet. Instead, they are traveling to Lyngarth to take the entrance exam to get in. It's very important they arrive on time for this event, because if they don't, they will have to wait another year before they can take the test again, and Sage does not like the idea of being a year behind everyone else their age just because they were late. One problem though... The train they need to get on to get to Lyngarth is busted. There was a monster attack, and it took everything the train had just to escape. (I think it'd be cool if the train could fly so when the conductor is describing the event it could be like showing a rollercoaster ride) Many were injured and luggage was lost, but everyone is alive. But now the girls don't have an easy way to get to Lyngarth! The test is in one week, and if they walk there, it could take them 5 days. 4 by using Sage's limited flight magic to save on time. If they don't get lost. Guess what? They get lost. They'd have to fight monsters along the way to protect themselves and adjust to the sight and smell of fresh blood I don't have details for this part, but the episode would end with Lyngarth in sight just on the horizon. The two would celebrate! Finally, they're one step closer to becoming Guardians. Rose would give her best motivational speech. Ending it with, "And when I become a Guardian... I'm going to find my mom." She says this with a very serious tone. Letting the audience know just how much her mom means to her and revealing to the audience that Rose's mom has gone missing. The two would share a hug and get on Sage's broom to fly the rest of the way to the city. End of episode 1. (Edit: Just watched a new video about HGS and I didn't realize that my idea was just the first episode of Little Witch Academia... I've never watched it so... Talk about a coincidence huh?)

This could be the movie that would later have a series come out after! Like the first season open after the end of the rewrite

I wanted to improve my writing for my stories and this helped a lot! :)

10:20 The interesting thing here is that Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt's character designs evoke 1990s era Cartoon Network shows such as Dexter's Laboratory, The Powerpuff Girls and Johnny Bravo so this would be a case of borrowing from an artist who already was heavily inspired from works from the West. Something significant changed in American culture to push the mainstream animation artists towards soft rounded images with muted pastel colors rather than the edgy brightly colored visuals of the recent past.

Very nice! btw, it's not really stealing to combine several influences into a new unique idea. After all, most everything is a trope, not entirely original and new, it matters how you use the trope.

I like a lot of the changes you do. However, I did a rewrite and here's a few things I would have done Remember, the creators WANTED this to be woke. So let's make it woke with reason. Snapdragon's gender questioning gives a reason for Carroway to be his mentor. I'd have made him also experiment with transformation magic to make a persona that he does something not exactly on the up and up like gambling, being a vigilante (maybe he feels stronger when he's a woman). Carroway should immediately recognize what Snap's doing, and then relates his experience with identity to snapdragon. I also wouldn't make Carroway the sacrifice, simply because this would force a whole 'othergenders being used as a plot device'. Instead, I think it'd be important to have another family or friend character be the sacrifice at the end, maybe even Sage's aunt or her wife. Carroway could still be used to further the plot in other ways while another close family/friend member could still give the effect of losing something of importance so the show earns its tears. I feel the original idea for Lavender was to have her become 'brainwashed' or an amnesiac. A classic trope and one that makes everything so easy to explain away. I think it also important to break away from this. So far, we're to believe that everyone from Witch kingdom are to blame for the rot. Certainly, an idea would be to somehow make it seem like it is, but in actuality, this is propaganda spread by some people from High Guardian Academy, and most believe it where Lavender knows it's a lie but doesn't have the ability to come forward with it yet so that's why she defects while staying hidden for so long, yet still wants her daughter away from there without giving her the 'mwahahahaha I'm evil amnesia' feel. However, this would also require that High Guardian Academy appear far more capable than it was in the show, where one 'underling' could destroy everything. This way you could play around with future seasons/movies about who's to blame. You could see blame thrown back and forth and technically some of them be right at the blame for the other. And as for the ending of why Lavender would recommend execution for Mandrake... make it be because she's more for justice and retribution, and Mandrake attack/killed someone that they shouldn't have. Rather than "Oh look, she just an evil person who doesn't tolerate failures". Make it to a poitn where it can be explained that she doesn't tolerate actions deemed evil by her. However, your version definitely removes any need of this because Lavender becomes willing to harm people who are fairly innocent.

Bro the way you rewrote is so entertaining oml! I’m absolutely jealous of your writing skills!!!!

If you need any artists to help on the comic let me know your writing is really good

Glade I watched this before making my own video. The structure of this video is just peak 👌🏾 and I love the way you went about writing the story. Oh and the redesigns too! They look really nice which is great. I like that you gave Rosemary pants as well.

I personally think HGS should've been a Magical Girl, Adventurous Fantasy Journey, and War cartoon that involves food & culinary. *Having kitchen utilities as weapons, use ingredients for spells, and searching for the freshest & rippest food to fight "The Rot" (which is basically a widespread famine the causing plants & crops to spoil & corrupting those that has contact with/consume it).

the only utility of HGS, being an autopsy corpse of writing

I would love to see this version of the show it sounds so good

the rewrite is just amazing. kudos !!

I’ve been waiting for someone to finally do this

Love these kinds of videos

18:39 Are we really sure this is a good idea? This is like the 5th transition(Didn't actually count) with only vague context and we are still in the intro. I know movies(And sometimes even cinematic games) do this kind of stuff, but I feel like this is seriously getting overkill due to the audience theoretically not even knowing what it is they are watching. I know this is hard to do, but just my opinion. 23:38 Actually, I think imma steal this for my own ideas that I am too lazy to further develop. Just, the other way around. She starts with the witch hat because she claims to be one(Due to personal context not yet solidified) and maybe it can even be a moment in the show(Since I'm not comfortable with working with a movietimeframe) where someone says that it's a mockery for herself to claim the title when she's intermediate at best. And later, her characterdesign discards the hat with the idea being that she does not need to carry an arbitrary symbol to be who she is, even after she will be officially recognized. 25:35 My personal solution to this mess is that using transformation magic for the sake of changing genders while possible is simply not socially accepted for one reason or another and that is why this subcategory of it has next to no unified advancements. Due to the stage of magical advancement in the world, Caraway was easily able to throw together a potion for this, but it was faulty and made their body physically unstable and that is why there need to be occasional supplementary potions. Not to keep the body from changing back, but rather to prevent pain, nausia, near-death, such stuff. One could ask why there is only one person appearently bringing the sub-field forwards appearently, but...the topic is really self-answering. Due to the social limbo it is in of "This society doesn't accept it yet" and "people transitioning wouldn't get noticed unless they make it obvious", one could reveal that more people did infact work on it, just that they wouldn't contribute it to the larger global pool of information. Some people will ask "What kind of drugs were you taking when thinking of this, bro?" but I personally just liked the idea and tried to roll with it. It doesn't adhere to how the concept generally works in our universe in the slightest, but it really doesn't have to. Similar to how classism and elitism would also exist, but obviously diffrent due to the added element of the world staying in a medival theming and magic being added to the mix(Or heck, even concepts such as how sexuality works would logically see a diffrence). I just think my take works well enough in the version of this concept that I personally envision. 27:36 No offence, but at this point I still have no idea what this movie is meant to be about interms of the plot and we are almost halfway through the concept. The characters are nice, but it feels like it almost relies on them carrying it so far. The story is very passive with most of the conflict being both presented and solved internally instead of externally. 32:29 Lmao. 34:03 Let me yoink that idea too real quick... Especially considering Rosema- er, Yeah, I certainly see that it's confusing that I renamed her...anyway, in my idea, it's a plot/lore important thing that she is essencially seen as a "chosen hero by inheritence", due to being able to use the sword to its full potential(Or what's left of that potential due to the partial damage that happened that one time in the original version being a permanent thing here). And yeah, a later plottwist is the reason why that's important, I'm definitly not playing the restriction-game alongside you. 39:43 What happened tho? The most conclusive part of this was that the mainduo wanted to do well and then they did well. Why did Lavender want her sword back? What is the goal of the bad guys? Wait, was it even established that Lavender disappeared originally? And where did the idea behind Parsley's redesign go? I'm really not trying to hate on this idea for no reason, I'm just legitimately confused at this point. I know this is meant to have a sequelhook, but this is more like a sequel-fishingpond to me. If it would never go beyond this pilot-movie, we would have the same dire situration as the official show where it's easier to list which plotlines are actually at least partially resolved. Did I miss something?

Dude. This is seriously informative and so, so helpful! I’m an aspiring TV writer myself, and a lot of your beginning sources/advice, as well as seeing how you retold the story, was enlightening. Thank you for this! Also, I’m a small video essay/media critique channel myself looking to grow, and I was surprised to see you didn’t have more subs! Top quality content, man :)

Wonderful concept! You made everything seem much more natural.

I like this rewrite. It shows that there aren't any bad ideas, only bad execution.

I was thinking about rewriting this work too. Just for practice.

Here is how my personal re-write would work - or at least what it would aim to do - (writing this before watching this video): We go with the hinted-at "Old Magic vs. New Magic" conflict, and build the world, the central conflict between the main characters and the main problem/obstacle ("The Rot") from there. Old Magic would have been around in this world for as long as civilization existed, requiring often rare/expensive incredients, long, complicated incantations/rituals and a sort-of "equal exchange" (the example of Sage's Mom planting a tree kind of works for a medium-impact spell). New Magic, on the other hand, would have been a relatively recent discovery that quickly got adopted by the more progressive parts of society, mainly because it's very powerful, easy to use and convenient (it doesn't require an equal exchange, just some charge from a trinisphere - and those can be manufactured). New Magic, however, causes the Rot at an alarmingly increasing rate, causing the Wood Elves like Thyme's parents having to flee their sacred forest, their ancestral home land. This would be the central conflict of our main cast and also the main theme of the show: Power/Covenience (using New Magic) vs. Tradition/Responsibility (using Old Magic). Can New Magic be used responsibly enough, can there be a happy medium ? etc. Thyme would join High Guardian Academy while essentially being on a rescue mission, desperately seeking magical knowledge to save her home land. When she arrives at the school, she would be shocked to learn that everything had changed there completely with the advent of New Magic adoption. Most teachers openly mock Old Magic while promoting liberal use of New Magic. The few remaining Old Magic classes teach only surface-level knowledge that she already possesses as a magical archer (despite focusing on her archery). That is were garbage auxillary classes like "Sacred Languages" would come in, planting the idea in the students that Old Magic is useless. Thyme would also have a reason to be closed off and cold to Rose in particular, because Rose, knowing very little about magic before joining the academy, would openly embrace the easy way that New Magic provides to help her with her sword fighting and everyday needs. Thyme would also still be almost hit by Rose's sword and would actually observe the "maybe it has rabies"-scene, further planting in her head that Rose is stupid and useless. Parsly would also embrace New Magic because it seems to be the easier, more practical tool to use - she is a pragmatist after all. Sage would be the most conflicted initially, stuck between her family's old, seemingly useless ways and the teachers and fellow students egging her on to use New Magic - and Rose loving New Magic because it's so easy to learn and apply. Eventually, the main cast would need to learn that power and convenience come at a hefty price, but also that some of the less fortunate members of society might need some New Magic in their lives for stuff like public transport (there would be a magical tram and other New Magic devices in Lingard that would essentially mimic the Industrial Revolution/electricity, powered by New Magic). The world building would also tie into this quite heavily with statues of the old Wizard Lords that ruled over the land with their mastery of Old Magic in the past now lying almost forgotten and overgrown with moss while the New Magic-powered tram flies through the sky above them etc. The theme needs to be really hammered home and their needs to be actual conflict between the main characters regarding this clash of Old Magic vs. New Magic - which would replace the awful petty drama that we got instead during the festival.

Hey thanks for the amazing videos! I am working on a HUGE story right now (my resolution this year was GET the damn draft done and just have a nice complete skeleton of the final story to work on from there) and I use your videos to help inspire me and give me great tips. Also, bought a copy of your game always happy to support others trying to create stories on their own (and not through questionable streaming platform deals :D )

Calling the sword thing is actually super cool. Like Mjolnir. But be careful you catch the hilt and not the sharp end.

this is one of the better things i have seen in a while

Your rewrite's pretty cool

Your version of this story is awesome, I bet if it was really simple for you to obtain the rights, ownership, etc. It'd be a hit.

Cool video and awesome rewrite.

This is proof that more budget _can_ salvage the show. All they needed was to replace the scriptwriter. But since they didn't have enough budget they couldn't waste what they already spent. Also the animation sucks and throwing more animators to manually draw in some things would have helped.

This video is insanely helpful

The more you talk about pitching, the more baffled I am about how the show got greenlighted in the first place. Like when you asked what the show was about, I legit could not remember. The first thing I thought of was "Oh, transgender character, snapdragon's identity journey..." and didn't remeber any story beats at all. Also this vid was very educational!

I'd definitely watch this version

I'd probably watch this version.

Damn you elevated this way above the source show yo.

“Blood Spice and Tears”, that is iconic as hell dude

“Carraway’s funeral” Instantly better than the OG

and now i want to see this as a fan animation or smth. it'd take forever but it'd be very interesting

I've actually got invested. Nice job!

Let’s go, been waiting for this one

IGN - Not enough Slime Boy 0/10

This SLAPS bro

NOT HIS HAND! also this is so action packed, I love the pitch for the climax fights

I want to now watch this version holy shit

i think the biggest gripe i have about high guardian spice is that the physical guardians and magical guardians go to the same school. lol

i love how aster in this version is actually a character

First comment’s mine I guess, I can’t wait to see the rewrite, it’s going to be epic.

People on KZfaq also ask why do they want it with what do they want iv noticed.

I love this rewrite but captions were on and when you said Cal it translated to cow and I had to pause for a minute

The only character i think deserves a redesign is anise (i think thats her name? The violet haired one) she sticks out so badly, all the characters look like they're on the same universe and she just looks like a self insert

Ay I know I’m late, but I’m actually doing my own remake of the series called “Guardians Of Lyngarth”.

I really like this draft, a short magical girl movie, nice, I like that

Funny that this is the third consecutive HGS redesign video I've watched that mentions the Calarts style, lol.

Very informative. I clicked for a rewrite and learned so much more than I expected. Good stuff.

Something I wish they would've done is maybe flesh out their magic system a little bit more. If I'd been making it, I would've used new/old magic as an allegory for environmentalism, which could also have some impact in the plot. This can swing both ways, but I will be fleshing this out later in a document for my own stories and plots.

Someday I want to make a show on adult swim where it tackles the difficulties with communicating with one another.

Now I'm genuinely curious about your thoughts of Jerry Freeman, and maybe even his rewrite of RWBY

dear god what has he done too my short Queen XD

I fuck with this heavy

8:00 oh, nice! i need to write this down for my own stories heheh

What a nice video to celebrate my birthday with!

I think it would've been kinda cool if Guardian's were some Witcher style or Jedi style Warrior-Mage hybrids that travel around defending people from various threats but had to be put through life threatening situations as training hence why the school is so special; most students don't make it out alive

You know, this movie idea really feels like it could have went through the Jimmy Newtron track. Having the first movie act is the pilot to the series

similar tends to better. I'm in college I'm studying game art. And there is a said I was told a good artist borrows and great artist steals. Lol. I like making weird things which I love to do. A the Literal Devil? Did rewrite to and he make a okay first episode, without the limits. I like how you made this into a movie and the limits make it more realistic. I really like this. I have some world-building experience, which is limited (very limited). I wanted to use it as a story but I made it into a DnD world. I need to work on my skills but my brain hates me 99.9% of the time. AKA my mental illnesses but I'm still working on myself and I don't lean on them for sympathy. But this makes be better pitch in my eyes.

good luck on your web comic!