How Insecure Attachment Affect Your Relationships

Рет қаралды 319,870

2 жыл бұрын

Attachment refers to the bond you form with people in close relationships such as your parents, children, close friends or romantic partners. In this video, I focus on the 3 attachment styles developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.
Secure
Insecure-Anxious
Insecure-Avoidant
The two insecure styles can be summed up as: anxiety about being abandoned or avoiding intimacy and closeness.
Here are four things you can do to improve your attachments.
1. Recognize your attachment style by examining your significant relationships.
2. Practice self-compassion.
3. Journal or reflect on your secure relationships
4. See a therapist for professional help with making this transition from insecure to secure.
WANT TO START IN THERAPY? Here’s a convenient and affordable option
Betterhelp.com/drmarks
For a monthly fee, you get a REAL licensed therapist with whom you can meet weekly by phone, video or chat. You can also send daily messages.
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If you use this link you will get a 10% discount on your first month. betterhelp.com/drmarks This is an option I've researched. I get a referral commission if you sign up.
References
Rowe, A. C., Gold, E. R., & Carnelley, K. B. (2020). The Effectiveness of Attachment Security Priming in Improving Positive Affect and Reducing Negative Affect: A Systematic Review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 17(3), 968.
Mackintosh, K., Power, K., Schwannauer, M. et al. The Relationships Between Self-Compassion, Attachment and Interpersonal Problems in Clinical Patients with Mixed Anxiety and Depression and Emotional Distress. Mindfulness 9, 961-971 (2018).
Want to know more about mental health and self-improvement? On this channel I discuss topics such as bipolar disorder, major depression, anxiety disorders, attention deficit disorder (ADHD), relationships and personal development/self-improvement. I upload weekly. If you don’t want to miss a video, click here to subscribe. goo.gl/DFfT33
Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

Пікірлер: 740

@scizard1079 2 жыл бұрын

“Your fear of rejection can lead you to end relationships” I felt that lol

@Adriana-fb5cb 7 ай бұрын

Your profile picture is weird and gross.

@ibanez856 2 жыл бұрын

The turquoise jewellery really suits you

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you B. I love necklaces. 😊

@theadvocate3006 2 жыл бұрын

"All relationships fail until they don't"-Dr. Tracy Marks 👏👏👏

@AvitalShtap Жыл бұрын

I loved this quote too! It reminds me of how walking is falling. I found a good quote about it: "Our very walking is an incessant falling; a falling and a catching of ourselves before we come actually to the pavement" -Thomas Carlyle, 1843, in a letter of advice to a young reader

@calistusjay60 2 жыл бұрын

I used get attached dangerously quickly and would give my all to someone. But after a few times of them not being the same, I feel like I have completely lost the ability to be attached.

@flyleelee5351 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@ashantiabadbish4981 2 жыл бұрын

Me too

@sven4627 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@babyslothawful5818 2 жыл бұрын

Same

@justCommando Жыл бұрын

I know what you mean, I feel like I can't give my all to anyone except if I could split myself into 2, me and me would be best friends.

@mnmlst1 2 жыл бұрын

My mother is insecure anxious, my father is avodant. Great combination of dysfunctional family, because they both are toxic and control freaks.

@snsnj7180 2 жыл бұрын

😆

@pinacolada1393 2 жыл бұрын

Ouuuf 🙁 hope things get better.

@Peanuts76 2 жыл бұрын

same, my mother are anxious avoidant, but idk about my father.... im growing up absorbing her negative believe around people....

@trinap.8904 2 жыл бұрын

My father was anxious and alcoholic and my mothet was avoidant. Years of therapy fot me.

@trinap.8904 2 жыл бұрын

@@Peanuts76 wth are you talking abt?

@fatimahabunaji5530 2 жыл бұрын

What if the only secure relationship I ever had was with myself? I always get me out of darkest places, heal myself and tell myself "everything will be OK" Thank you Dr. Tracey

@adell7577 2 жыл бұрын

The Lord is my helper. Jesus gets us out of dark places all good things come from above 💓

@pammym1825 2 жыл бұрын

Similar to insecure avoidant...a good counselor to help with learning how to communicate your needs rather closing up and retreating...just a thought 🌻🙏

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

Same, I always had to help everyone else. Maybe that's why I H8 being around people now.

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

@@adell7577 Superstition is a plague on humanity

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

@@pammym1825 What if you have no needs?

@JordanP. 2 жыл бұрын

I always feel like everyone doesn't like me and that they're just gonna leave me so sometimes I leave in advance. I end up having one favorite person and it feels like they're everything to me. It's not even romantically but it feels like there's no point in living without them around. That scares me though because what if something happens to them.

@CheeseBurgerSugar 2 жыл бұрын

I know how you feel, I wish there were something I could say to make it better but just know you’re not alone. I’ve been through that too.

@savannahloring6898 2 жыл бұрын

Hey Good morning, you’re not alone. I do that exactly thing.

@vivvy_0 2 жыл бұрын

wow you guys have someone to care about, envy

@lunaromance2243 2 жыл бұрын

So you're the insecure anxious type

@communistcat3226 2 жыл бұрын

Happens to me too though I'm not my favorite person's favorite person and knowing that hurts. So I just leave or push them away

@2009Holleywood 2 жыл бұрын

I just found out about attachment styles. I have anxious insecure style in romantic relationships. I literally thought I had a mental health disorder because I was obsessed with men who had rejected me. Now I know to have more compassion for myself. ❤️

@Charlett2013 2 жыл бұрын

“Anxiety” is a mental health disorder. Admitting is the first step. Recognizing your behavior wasn’t healthy and Self-Compassion is key. Secure attachment is the goal. Blessings unto you. 🙏🏽

@aaliyahm.3176 2 жыл бұрын

The algorithm finally got it right! I really needed to hear this today. I just started dating a really good guy and my anxiety about being rejected or abandoned was already starting to creep up. This video really put things in perspective. Thank you

@patricethomas4947 2 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same boat. I feel so bad that I put my insecurities on him. I hope I didn't lose him

@aaliyahm.3176 2 жыл бұрын

@@patricethomas4947 I totally understand what you mean. Just know that you are enough and that he likes you for you :)

@emilyabernethy2422 Ай бұрын

You are not alone. I am fighting with the same thing. Such a good man that I feel I am hurting unintentionally

@lildebbie997 2 жыл бұрын

I wish you were my next door neighbor. I imagine sitting on my front porch with you sitting next to me, rocking in the rocking chairs, drinking mint juleps and discussing these dynamic, mind blowing topics you choose to discuss.

@kiyahb5106 2 жыл бұрын

Clingy.

@cazadoo339 2 жыл бұрын

Insecure anxious right here, separation anxiety since I was a toddler

@starboiklem8381 2 жыл бұрын

Im definitely avoidant style, most of the time i want to be alone and I don't think or care about my significant other not because I don't love them but because im an introvert so i usually like being alone and independent.

@destiny9734 2 жыл бұрын

My partner is like this, he smokes weed too which makes it even worse, sometimes I think he should just marry his spliff and he’d have a happy life.

@starboiklem8381 2 жыл бұрын

@@destiny9734 lmao 😂

@ChrisLT 2 жыл бұрын

Maybe check in with your partner to see if they're ok with that. I used to date an avoidant (as an anxious person) and being ignored would drive me crazy. It felt like I wasn't loved, and over time the distance became too much and our relationship ended. The fixes would've been relatively simple but we never talked about it. I'm an introvert, too, but romantic attachment is a separate beast.

@zLiina 2 жыл бұрын

@@starboiklem8381 but, why date then?

@rachelsmename6 2 жыл бұрын

That's interesting. I was thinking about this because I'm an introvert too.

@guccirobinson92 2 жыл бұрын

I love how well spoken she is. Very clear to understand.

@lanaj.3877 2 жыл бұрын

she reads everything she says off of a paper behind the camera

@Pugetwitch Жыл бұрын

@@lanaj.3877 Either way, her cadence and tone is a pleasure to listen to. I am autistic and I have sensory processing issues, among the misophonia. For the most part I don't like the sound of many female voices (some men I can't stand to listen to either, but for some reason I can generally tolerate those voices better. I am almost 99% sure it has to do with the level of Base, but I'm awesome I have to do with universe by a narcissistic mother who constantly would call me shrill and whiny (ironically, I now have a very deep voice for a woman!). There is something deep inside of me that believes a lot of women use a performative speaking voice because they come off so pitchy. Sounds contrived to me! But I really have taken a liking to this Doctor's voice. I could listen to her lecture all day!

@eboneelyonsdnp3056 4 ай бұрын

@@PugetwitchThought I was the only one who noticed! Her tone is very well paced and soothing

@user-kx7oi9co6w 29 күн бұрын

I'm almost certainly autistic and have the same issue with many female voices - especially newsreaders and journalists who come across as shrill and attention-seeking.

@IceGoddessRukia 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so avoidant I've never had a romantic relationship... The older I get the more of a freak I feel like haha.

@juanitaskoky4947 2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤘

@biancardi1518 2 жыл бұрын

Just to tell you that you're not the only one. This is also me. It is still me now.

@armybebe6622 2 жыл бұрын

I’m in my 20’s and never had a romantic relationship and I get that feeling of feeling like a freak…but honestly just take it at your own pace and don’t feel pressured by what society or other people tell you what your relationships “should” be like.😁

@JaimeBlackBird Жыл бұрын

Think of all the time you didn’t waste on someone else! I’m jealous 💜

@lona9461 2 жыл бұрын

I'm a very emotional person so when I am going through alot of pressure or guilt, I would either cry for long periods of time and go to sleep. I would write down and then go to sleep or do anything to avoid my feelings instead of actually dealing with it. I noticed that this habit has affected my relationships aswell

@LunaGray13 2 жыл бұрын

I have anxiety about being abandoned, I have great parents but I've been ghosted a lot by friends and people I liked and or dated, you'd think it would make me crave physical affection but I'm autistic and I don't like physical touch except in romantic relationships, I also have a hard time knowing when, how and how much physical touch to use. I find it very stressful and confusing so I typically let other people use physical touch when I'm comfortable with them or avoid it altogether. Relationships as an autistic person are difficult.

@SonyaKhanOfficial 2 жыл бұрын

Fellow autistic here and I felt this in my soul, my parents aren’t the greatest but I struggle with physical touch a lot and not knowing how to navigate through the early stages about it is super overwhelming

@jamies.8045 2 жыл бұрын

I love your videos because you address possible “root cause” issues such parenting style and childhood trauma but tend to focus more on solutions. Thank you.

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Jamie. That's actually kind of a big deal to me. It takes more work to think through solutions but it feels incomplete to present a negative idea with no information on what to do about it.

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

I don't have a root cause. I had a very supportive parent. But I've never been good at being close to people. I push them away if they get too clingy. I H8 codependency

@3dglobal 2 жыл бұрын

⚠️⚠️⚠️You always mention problems....but you don't mention radical solutions to them.... It's as if I'm listening to a crazy person who believes in metaphysics and alternative medicine..... Madam.... Depression and mental illness do not need spiritual advice from you... but you need effective treatments.... Psychiatry has become the most failed branch of medicine because of you and your fellow crazy psychiatrists..... who criminalized magic mushrooms and ecstasy pills without The slightest study... and innocent psychiatric patients die without guilt.... Fuck you and your fellow ignorant psychiatrists.⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ Mental illness is only felt by those who suffer from it....and you dance on our sorrows as well as your fellow psychiatrists with these crazy words

@swarnikasingh3983 Жыл бұрын

It is one of the reasons why I subscribed to her. There is so much diagnosis going around the net for so many issues but very few actually are interested in giving genuine and realistic solutions for that.

@CheeseBurgerSugar 2 жыл бұрын

My mother left me and my father when I was a little over a year old...I knew I’ve had abandonment issues and my insecurity in relationships has been devastating. I’m taking a lot of time for myself to try and reparent my inner child. Hopefully I can be a good mother to the inner child.

@d.w.3325 2 жыл бұрын

Your mother is responsible for her choices in her life. You choose to be responsible for your life, be kind to yourself.

@CheeseBurgerSugar 2 жыл бұрын

@@d.w.3325 It took my a long time to come to that point

@_BioKnowledge_ 2 жыл бұрын

@@d.w.3325 that's the secret about this, be pacient and kind with oneself...

@ownSystem 2 жыл бұрын

@@CheeseBurgerSugar Never too late to be the parent that was never there and become a better adult.

@CheeseBurgerSugar 2 жыл бұрын

@@ownSystem 34 is still not too late right? 😕

@lolaherrera3906 2 жыл бұрын

I have the ability to have both anxious and avoidant attachments to people. I always switch between the two depending on what kind of person my partner is.

@SonyaKhanOfficial 2 жыл бұрын

Same!!

@michellement2158 2 ай бұрын

Wouldnt tht just be secure at that point? Or are you morphing into your partners attachment style?

@olivia8979 2 жыл бұрын

I am anxious/avoidant, but I don't know if I fit into any of the categories you describe. I feel I am understanding and forgiving of myself. I might occasionally kick myself for something I said, but I don't hate myself for saying it. It doesn't consume me or make me inhibited about talking. I feel like I am way to sensitive to vibes I think the other person is giving off. The slightest hint that someone doesn't "like" me makes me back off. It isn't that I don't feel I need them. I am just very sensitive to the "vibes." At the same time, I am fully aware that I am likely misunderstanding vibes much of the time. It is perplexing to me why I can't change this. I am close to very few people. I am ok with it in a sense because I am very independent and happy enough on my own. But I know I am missing a lot and don't really know how to change.

@QuietlyCurious 2 жыл бұрын

You sound similar to me. I think we're simply products of our time too. People have a very low tolerance for social risk these days. Before, you had no choice but to reach out to people and establish relationships quickly as a matter of survival. This meant a society where social graces were better practiced and folks suffered less awkward vibes. I'm older and long out of school so I push myself to try and make friends when meeting new people. If there's a hint of a connection forming, I give my number or have lunch with them. It pretty much never becomes anything long-term, but that's ok. The point for me, is to build my tolerance for awkward vibes and rejection because one day, who knows, a friend will come along. The adventure along the way is nice too. You have good stories to tell 🤷

@olivia8979 2 жыл бұрын

@@debmadden4157 Thank you Deb, I will search for that video!

@olivia8979 2 жыл бұрын

@@QuietlyCurious We may be close in age ... not sure. I am also out of school many many years. I was always more or less like I am now. I like the way you say you build a tolerance for awkward vibes because that is a good way of thinking of it. I have always struggled with that. I used to put myself out there a lot more than I do now ... of course, i also used to drink a lot to help me with that. I dont drink anymore so I have to find better ways of coping with those awkward vibes.

@olivia8979 2 жыл бұрын

@@debmadden4157 Ohhhh, I just Googled Highly Sensitive Person. Yup! That is me! I am glad to find out it is a "thing." Not just me!

@Jadedgems 2 жыл бұрын

You might be projecting your fears onto other people. That comes from having a lack of energetic boundaries between yourself and others. It’s hard to tell where your opinions of them start and their opinions of you begin

@angelicaocon1461 2 жыл бұрын

I belong to the insecure avoidant attachment. At the same time, I wanted to try being in a relationship again and apply all my learnings in psychology 😊. I have a therapist so I'm quite confident.

@deborahmillette 2 жыл бұрын

Early trauma can impair character however long term therapy almost equalizes functional and dysfunctional behavior. I go from being extremely confident in myself to feeling totally incapable of performance.

@NS-xt5wv 2 жыл бұрын

I am only realizing now, in my 30s how much my mother damaged my underdeveloped psyche. Since I was born she was neglecting me and I remember when I would get back home as a little girl and no one was home, I would walk from one corner to another, literally howling because I believed that the day my mother abandoned me for good had come. I desperately need re-assurance in relationships because I am an anxious attachment style, but all I get is avoidant type. I used to be in a stable relationship with a secure type, and despite us having lifestyle issues (he was a pothead and didn’t have any ambition/didn’t work), I NEVER felt stressed in this relationship, I just knew he was faithful and was there for me, so I know it’s possible to find someone who meets your needs and won’t bring you any stress.

@_helmi 2 жыл бұрын

I feel really sad when you said you were howling corner to corner as a little girl 😢

@lucymisti 2 жыл бұрын

That’s not great though, it means we settle from what we might really want just to feel secure

@NS-xt5wv 2 жыл бұрын

@@lucymisti that’s why we broke up, now I have to find a full package

@NS-xt5wv 2 жыл бұрын

@@_helmi thank you for your sympathy 🌸

@jm543 2 жыл бұрын

Yup. It is anxious-avoidant trap that you fall in. I read about it in the books. Somewhere they even make a division between dismissive avoidant and fearfull avoidant. The main difference is because fearful avoidants still wants intimacy but they fear being hurt. I was dismissive and fearful during different times in my life. I am only secure in friendships. For me breaking point in relationship is after having sex. I feel very vulnerable after that. One of my exes was anxious one and he was jelaous and was accusing me of cheating. That wasn't true but he believed that so I broke up in the end with him. After him I dated dismissive avoidant while I was fearful avoidant at the time. That damaged my selfesteem greatly. I never stumbled upon secure man in my life to be frank. Most of my life I was single. I struggled with depression for 6 years and in that period of time I wasn't interested in dating. I struggled with myself mostly and panic attacks. After reading many books on various subjects I finally found out what was wrong with me..My attachment style of course. 🙄

@buddylove3640 2 жыл бұрын

My mother was uncaring. A cold fish. Not able to to show affection. I am very insecure. I don't feel good about myself.

@thelegendkillersshittyduff1335 2 жыл бұрын

Sorry about that man hope things get better

@GetWellSoonR.E.M. 2 жыл бұрын

It's okay, your mother chose to treat you badly, but you can treat yourself better than she ever did

@ro0121 2 жыл бұрын

It feels like a big step forward to know that there’s an actual NAME for what I’ve been feeling and going through. I could never figure out how to help myself because I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling. I just knew this feeling sucked. Thank you!

@pam164 2 жыл бұрын

I have always chose men that have been unavailable so i got hurt. If i like a man from day one I'm on Fight and Flight mode i lose weight and can't concentrate and any sign like longer txting me back or not txting i get super anxious! But i never reach out to them i wait for them, but i nearly have breakdown until they do.

@medulgurlroxx885 2 жыл бұрын

Wow this is so me! I definitely know how you feel you explained exactly what I have been through my whole life.

@pam164 2 жыл бұрын

@@medulgurlroxx885 Horrible isn't it?

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

LMBO, I'm your exact opposite, prolly like one of those people you H8. I H8 clingy people but I attract them like crazy or did. Now I just avoid everyone which was easy during Covid. My therapist is pressuring me to get back out into the world and I'm all, hells nuh, I'd rather be alone.

@pam164 2 жыл бұрын

@@rhianimal19 You have a therapist? So you are obviously not happy and have problems. I'm not clingy if you read my comment i go through inner turmoil but i never cling to the man I'm with. So really we are alike we both have problems!!!

@rhianimal19 2 жыл бұрын

@@pam164 Therapy is a condition of my freedom. They think I need it more than I think I need it.

@DrJustininJapan 2 жыл бұрын

This is one of my favorite videos of yours of all time. You clear research-based videos highlight so many fascinating topics. The work you are doing here on KZfaq for mental health is important now more than ever with the discussion of Olympic athletes like Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka entering the global spotlight!!

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks a lot Dr. Adam! 😊 I'm glad to see that we are getting to the point where we can talk more openly about mental health issues. These things are new we're just talking about it more now. I'm glad you entered the scene to contribute to the conversation. 👍🏽

@ChrisLT 2 жыл бұрын

Been learning a lot about attachment theory this year. Glad to see more and more people talk about.

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Interesting. I just happened to talk about this topic. I didn't know it was a trend.

@tbk6494 2 жыл бұрын

@@DrTraceyMarks psych2go made an animation about this topic. Your's was more in depth. Especially on the overlap of personality disorders (which was new to me).

@ChrisLT 2 жыл бұрын

@@DrTraceyMarks I've been seeing it with various KZfaq videos and several articles. Of course, that just may be the Google algorithm showing it to me after I picked up the book "Attached."

@tabouchharkouch8244 2 жыл бұрын

@@DrTraceyMarks "the school of life" videos also do a great job explaining it.

@Benni777 2 жыл бұрын

Yeah, it’s a HUGE topic in sociology and psychology. ☺️

@KaitlinJarboe 2 жыл бұрын

I’m a type 1 diabetic suffering from depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Your videos have helped me a lot but I would love to see one dedicated to discussing the effects of chronic conditions and mental health. Thank you

@judahriggins8403 2 жыл бұрын

one thing ive noticed about myself is that i have an anxious insecure attachment habit. my fear of losing a s/o would completely overshadow everything to the point where id see everything through the lens of that fear of loss. i've been doing a lot of self reflecting and making progress. this video along with your others have been a huge help. thank you a ton

@samtech79 2 жыл бұрын

Whoa... Avoidant as the day is long. I don't want or need anything from anyone else. If I do, I feel needy and ashamed... For me, unrequited love is perfection. I have no needs to meet, no expectations. I can give love freely with no desire for it to be reciprocal. It is completely selfless. To give love freely and without wanting anything back makes me feel satisfied. But... I am lonely.

@Curiamacabre 2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Marks needs to be the world’s counselor. Everyone should be required to watch her vids at an early age!! She is brilliant and the best communicator, what a gift to humanity she is!!

@violetmurphy5177 2 жыл бұрын

Evidently, when I was quite young my dad was very involved with me...I was the last child and the only one to receive his attention. The attention ended when I was 3 or 4. I definitely have the anxious style. A great therapist and I summed it up as if I was a cute little puppy and at a certain point I became an adult dog. I always craved his attention and finally learned that to get it I had to misbehave. Really messed up my life for quite some time.

@vrrrumvrumvrum8195 Жыл бұрын

Dr. Tracey, thank you for the knowledge you’re sharing. I’m from a country where mental illnesses are not recognized(even though the rates of people with mental illness here is insanely high), so hearing to you speak about mental health with so much knowledge, research and scientific backing is so soothing. I feel so seen and validated in my condition. Also, this dress with this jewelry is a beautiful choice! Suits you very well and I love the puffy sleeves, I wear puffy sleeves myself all the time😄

@destiny9734 2 жыл бұрын

This is such a powerful video. I’m thanking God that I watched this because I was about to do something stupid in my relationship 😐

@AghoraNath 2 жыл бұрын

Hold it, sit with it, hold your emotional experience. Breathe. Your future self will thank you for your impulse control. 😉🙂🤗

@destiny9734 2 жыл бұрын

@@AghoraNath thank you

@dougaduncan 11 ай бұрын

You're awesome Dr. Marks. Thanks for bringing all of this information to the masses in such a straightforward and professional way. It really helps!

@soysaucetina 2 жыл бұрын

attachment theory is so important! glad that it's getting the attn it needs!

@OneDayChange 2 жыл бұрын

This video is so informative. So easy to understand without going all over the place.

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks a lot glad it was informative. 🙂

@yes_anotherone3260 2 жыл бұрын

Agreed. Straightforward and understandable.

@_ImAngieDenise 2 жыл бұрын

I have an anxious attachment style , and I’ve also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, interesting to see how they connect! Sometimes I feel like I’m growing to have an avoidant attachment style, I get scared people will leave me, so why bother 🙃 🤷🏽‍♀️

@moniqueabundance 2 жыл бұрын

Based on all my personal shadow work and therapy, there is definitely a link between anxious attachment style and BPD, which I also think I have. This link needs to be heavily researched so people like us can get some help. Hope you are doing OK. Loads of self care and self soothing can help in the mean time x

@bonniemartinez-jackson 11 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for this. I love how you had suggestions to process your attachment, in addition to ways to identify your type.

@leilahacholla7934 2 жыл бұрын

Insecure-Anxious, I’m happy to be learning about myself

@AghoraNath 2 жыл бұрын

It makes more sense to call insecure avoidant "Ambivalent Attachment" thus not to be confused with insecure anxious. Ambivalent is the self reliance PDs, which all of those labels can be described as artifacts of complex PTSD. Helps me learn the difference, to exposit the terms.

@Dr_Nutrition 2 жыл бұрын

Yes, I can really relate to that

@D_Jilla 2 жыл бұрын

I don't ambivalent is the right word there because avoidance doesn't have ambivalent motivation like anxious attachment; avoidant is very independent and your feeling of security is not dependent on your partner.

@BantuAzania 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr Marks. I'm on Risperidone and had almost doubled in weight on the medication. I watched your video on Metformin and have since lost almost all the weight. Now I'm comfortable in my skin and happily taking my meds. Some members of my family are also on the meds and manage the weight by stopping the meds every now and again. I've since recommended this to them as well.

@D_Jilla 2 жыл бұрын

It's awesome to see how much work you put in! So amazing this channel has made such an impact on you

@KishBish 2 жыл бұрын

that's the main reason I am afraid to take meds now, especially psych meds.. you end up needing to take another med to manage side effects of the first med.. then you'll need a third med to manage side effects of the second, and on and on.. I'm not saying people shouldn't take meds, I'm just saying why I am hesitant now.. I've been on a gazillion pills in my life so I have the experience.. it gets sad and scary.. blessings to all, be well.❤️

@BantuAzania 2 жыл бұрын

@@KishBish I'm scared for myself.

@KishBish 2 жыл бұрын

@@BantuAzania I'm sorry.. at least you are taking proactive steps to manage.. congratulations on losing the weight.. I remember I was on a pill where the doctor warned me I could gain 100 pounds within a few months.. I thought he was kidding until I suddenly craved BAGS of mini Twix bars 24/7.. needless to say I dumped that med- and that doctor.. hang in there!💞

@BantuAzania 2 жыл бұрын

@@KishBish ❤️

@lordfarquaads_mom3683 2 жыл бұрын

Dr Tracey Marks not only is helping me overcome some TOUGH emotional hurdles, but is also looking so stylish while doing so

@smeanslandon4317 2 жыл бұрын

I know a man who can help you with your problems. He is a spiritualist. He helped me with my relationships,

@smeanslandon4317 2 жыл бұрын

Whatpp him

@lordfarquaads_mom3683 2 жыл бұрын

@@smeanslandon4317 no

@QuietlyCurious 2 жыл бұрын

I feel like I jump between anxious and avoidant depending on how I think the other person is behaving. Secure attachment is such a rare feeling that I can't tell for sure if it is, in fact, what I'm thinking. So again, I just chalk it up to the moment (i.e. "He's a good friend to me. It was nice of him to listen to me today"). If I had to pin just one label on myself tho, it would be anxious.

@conniewolf7300 Жыл бұрын

You're pretty damn good! Usually I won't bother to listen to psycho-babble types because I worked in that area for years and just don't believe anyone has anything else to offer that might help me. You, Dear Doctor, have proven me incorrect! Thank you.

@secondchancehomestead 6 ай бұрын

This is the BEST explanation I have heard without the heavy lingo. Thank you, Doctor!

@pammym1825 2 жыл бұрын

I was definitely insecure anxious and my early marriage years were a roller coaster. However I married a narc so that was so confusing. We both became followers of Christ and learned about healthy love over time. We were both comitted to grow which was a blessing which not every Christian couple experiences. I now recognize the critical voice and practice self nurture through prayer and positive thoughts and affirming words. Love a gratitude prayer too🙏

@Sunshine-yk2eg 2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Marks has such a warm and comforting presence, I wish she had one of those therapist talk shows as well...i feel like it would be really therapeutic just to watch her listen and give advice

@jimcaputo99 2 жыл бұрын

Don't know if you'll see this but Thank you for your practical, relatable style and content, Dr. Marks. Keep doing what you're doing!

@smeanslandon4317 2 жыл бұрын

I know a man who can help you with your problems. He is a spiritualist. He helped me with my relationships,

@smeanslandon4317 2 жыл бұрын

Whatpp him

@milkyshakes 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for this video. I think I finally truly understand the links between my childhood, my parents and My “shizoid/asexual” tendencies that have distanced and hurt people who were just trying to form a connection with me. I love my parents and we have an excellent relationship currently, but like any family, we had our issues. I became very self reliant, with the upmost desire to be the one who can provide confidence, acceptance and stability for myself. Being self-reliant has helped me professionally and personally but everything has to be in moderation.

@grandmastermario3695 2 жыл бұрын

Me and my sister were just talking about how trauma affects the development learning and how it can cause alot of issues problems and even can cause native behaviour later in life

@ilovemelodyjane Жыл бұрын

Does anyone else feel the only hope they have is having Dr. Marks as your doctor? I can't imagine having trust with anyone like I have with her. 😭

@mokshalani8414 Ай бұрын

For anyone further interested in this topic, Adam Lane Smith has AMAZING content on attachment styles Some things that I learned from him: Anxious Attachment is soothed by context & reassurance from their partners; Avoidant Attachment is soothed by fairness & respect for personal space from their partners Insecure Attachment in general can be reflected in one's neurochemistry & bonding hormones, and they can be modulated/balanced out by the behaviors and & attitudes one chooses to adopt With a little practice, you absolutely can adopt a Secure Attachment & turn your life around; it's a skill set, all it takes is practice & self-forgiveness, shame is never an effective motivator

@cocochynel 2 жыл бұрын

Amazing, Amazing, Amazing, Amazing🙌🏿🙌🏿 Can’t say this enough. Restoring the years that the locust have eaten.

@Iluvrocket Ай бұрын

I remember my mom telling me that on my first day of preschool I didn’t cry or cling, but just went to play, and I didn’t care that she left. She seemed proud of me for that, but that’s almost a direct example of an avoidant personality, isn’t it?

@OneDanae 2 жыл бұрын

Ran into an avoidant attachment style a few months back for the first time in my 40+ years of life. It's very sad (to me anyway, I'm guessing he doesn't care, or if he does I'll never know). I hope I never run into someone in that condition again, especially if they are not aware/unwilling to face what's going on and actively work at changing those thought patterns. I've been thru some pretty terrible things myself so please believe I understand changing those patterns is NOT easy, but by golly I'm determined to overcome my own crap. I would expect the person I'm seeing to be willing to meet me halfway at minimum!

@alinaamosova9025 2 жыл бұрын

This channel is a gem

@DrTraceyMarks 2 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much Alina!😊❤️

@kendallspinas605 2 жыл бұрын

I wish I had found you sooner. Trying to promote your channel to friends and family. I appreciate you thank you sm

@imwatching2960 2 жыл бұрын

I love how clear and practical her videos are!

@aeriheirsling2735 2 жыл бұрын

Okay for me personally I always want to see and talk with them. I always reach out but they don't call me. Then they get mad when I don't tell them about big things... I tend to think they wouldn't care so I did not mention it. My instincts were right. For the other family who did care they felt dejected. It's a challenging balance. 😳 its like hearing "l didn't want to see her" when they are knocking at the door.

@rebeckasvensson838 2 жыл бұрын

I just ordered my own copy of "Fierce self compassion" and let the journey to security begin!

@OhSoLimitless 2 жыл бұрын

Such a great video Dr. Tracey!

@AndrewDeSimone Жыл бұрын

In my last relationship I started out as a secure attachment style. After 2 years with a dismissive/anxious girlfriend I became more anxious than anything. I began accusing her of cheating because she was so unavailable and i wasnt used to that. My needs were not met, she was distant emotionally and physically. Wasn't nurturing or feminine like I want in a woman. After 2 years it fell apart. She was constantly triggered by everything and pulled away. I ended up leaving after she didn't acknowledge our 2 year anniversary. I'm now self reflecting and becoming my secure self again learning to be comfortable alone.

@broGabiza 2 жыл бұрын

U was just reading Dr Jasmin Lee Corris book ," the emotionally unavailable mother" and was on the section on attachment styles. Your explanation is simple and very easy to follow. Thank you so much for the video👌

@scottyvanantwerp 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for taking your time to do this. You just answered questions in my head that I didn't realize were there. Thank you for all that you do.

@tbk6494 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad I watched this. I saw your post on insta about this video. I'd like to think I'm very introspective...I take inventory, and try my best to ask myself hard questions. This has been one of them. After watching, I actually feel that I've made some improvements in my close relationships. I've had to ask myself what I really want in a partnership, and what that looks like. I've worked at re-framing the way I approch close relationships; just like in the exersizes you recommended. Dr. Tracey, you're a blessing. I'm so thankful that yo share your knowledge with us. It's sound information that I can explore on my own. Love ya Doc!

@albinashamanska4125 Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for your work!!!! 💙💛

@caseyw1050 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you! Your content is incredible! I’m totally talking about this in therapy next session 🥳

@johnho9393 2 жыл бұрын

Thank You Dr. Marks.

@edsonpires4199 6 ай бұрын

TKS Dra ❤❤❤

@allisonwilliams3714 Жыл бұрын

Yup, insecure anxious, that's me. Thank you for this!

@ameliamohamed5039 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making your videos.

@bluesinsideout 2 жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. Marks just wanted to say thank you so much for posting these videos! 😁 They have been and continue to be a great help for me.

@curlymixednezz 2 жыл бұрын

This is such a well thought out, and put together video... thank you!

@KDADDYSGIRL 2 жыл бұрын

I read that book “Attached” with the magnet 🧲 on the front .. A male friend I was talking to at the time noticed my insecure attachment style and wanted to pass along information. I thought that was such a mature and thoughtful thing to do

@reejay2098 2 жыл бұрын

that's so productive and mature

@pennyck9468 2 жыл бұрын

Was it a good book?

@veryberry39 2 жыл бұрын

I read that book too! It was really good!

@kennybrowne1248 2 жыл бұрын

Man you are the truth! God bless you in your practice !

@Dmoon1234 2 жыл бұрын

What a treasure you are Dr Marks.

@mackfam9798 2 жыл бұрын

this was good thanks for posting this

@MyKrabi 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the references. You make such high-quality videos - thank you.

@jessreal2you202 9 ай бұрын

You are the best! ❤ thank you for these videos .

@PedroDRKBeaTle 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you very much for this video, came out just in the right time

@kimberknutson6888 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. This is the best, most concise explanation of this dynamic that I have ever heard. I really appreciate your work. : )

@sheilawaddy3184 Жыл бұрын

Great Video! Thankyou very much

@decoyCoyote 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for making these videos. Healing can be so hard sometimes, it helps to have someone be straightforward and gentle talk about these subjects.

@aqgidadu 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you!

@newhopefamilyinvestmentsll3737 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@curvbyb5qua3 2 жыл бұрын

I learn a lot from you that I use for myself and the clients I work with, thank you so so much for making these videos

@kwon99 2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate the clarity you provided in this segment as you detailed the differences in the types of insecurity. It allowed me to identify the insecurity type within myself and the one in my partner. Very helpful. Thank you

@ArtMusicLife15 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your great video! Very helpful.

@happyfeet1701 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr. Marks! Keep up the great work! Not everyone can afford a therapist!

@zarfle77 2 жыл бұрын

About avoidant personality disorder: I had a weird voice when I was in junior high school. Kids would laugh AT me and make fun of me for the way I talked. This was a BIG problem to me. How much talking would you do if you had a weird voice in junior high?

@katella 2 жыл бұрын

❤️ for you.

@illustriouswill9081 2 жыл бұрын

This helps. Thank you for the information!

@TR-eu8yi 2 жыл бұрын

She is so good at this.

@SusanBinks 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. I enjoy your style and appreciate your education.

@EnjoyingYourLifeWithJesus 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr. Marks! You helped me to see some things in myself.

@andrzejmaranda3699 2 жыл бұрын

Dr. Tracey Marks: this video is VERY IMPORTANT!

@snsnj7180 2 жыл бұрын

I appreciate you so much. Thank you ☺️

@ilovelctr 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, again, Dr. Tracey for your great video. I guess I see traits of both anxious and avoidant types in me, and this gives me new insights that are worth talking about with my psychologist next week. Love you and your works as always.