As a 58 year old former partner of a NPD I can say that the abuse is very hard to get over. I was only with him, the devil, for two years but four years on and I'm still struggling.

I was with a overtly beautiful lady that discarded and hoovered me many times over 4 years - her false self was her beauty and it had a hidden physical manifestation as she had alopecia universalis which meant her beauty was also false, the false self was false. The manipulation, gas lighting, control and with holding all decent communication after a discard were all features, I have learnt that me sticking up for myself was an injury to her false self and her exaggerated cruel reactions were unnecessary in context. She had never sought help for her condition or possibly disordered mind - she would rather play the victim and blame me. Very sad but these videos have helped to sooth the pain and try my best to understand. Thank you

They do love the reflection they project, But they also have a pretty good idea about the abuse they are handing out.

I once saw a bit of writing by an insufficiently read person who referred to her self esteem as “self of steam”. This phrase never left me because it described so well a certain narcissist that I had the extreme misfortune of knowing.

The constant re-framing has always fascinated me and became proof that this person's grasp on reality wasn't reliable. In one single year he went from claiming to regret a crime against someone (that had definitely occurred and had been witnessed), to blaming said person and finally calling them a liar. How reality could morph inside his mind, from one stage to the next, until he was absolved of all guilt, is rather scary.

Dear Sam I'm trying to understand the roots of my older sisters narcissism and the more I understand the more compassion I feel.. You understand how insidious their penetration of their victims subconscious is. I was young when this started and it was a very confusing childhood, adolescence and adulthood without having the access to this wonderful information readily available now. I have gone through much of my life not being able to explain what was happening to me in my family. Thank God I have managed to overcome the abuse and now feel good about myself. However my sister is a very isolated figure, our parents are dead and I can see how much more distraught she is not having her supply. The thing that supports me is my faith and my spiritual master in India. I need to listen to your talk a number of times to get a deeper understanding of what you are saying. Thank you for your illuminating presence online.

This is one of the most excellent videos I've seen on narcissism. Maybe I was in the right frame of mind to comprehend it, but this wording seemed rich with meaning.

Thank you for the lessons Professor Sam Vaknin. It is important to grow.

Thank you Professor for making it more than survivable 👍

I got a narcissistic hoover last night from 30 days ago I went no contact. He leaves a VM pretending nothing happened. He called me garbage 30 days ago, now he needs me..... WTF

I want to find the commenter at another site who mentioned your name, so I can thank them and mention you again. I'm so glad to have run across you because you have made me appreciate the darkness of what I've been, and am, going through. (And Bless KZfaq, too...I'm sorry they don't feature you more quickly and easily...)

Thank You professor xx 👍

Very interesting. Nice sweater!

Hey KZfaq, 6 commercials during a 32 minute lecture is ridiculous. Stop taking advantage of your users. Its so grandiose of you! I suppose you do this to push us into paying you money by upgrading. Shame on you. You have more money than you need.

How do cerebral narcissist deal with their wives please enlighten!

What makes narcs tick? Well they're like ticks, spiritual blood suckers.

Is it the same for the borderline regarding the superego sadistic harsh introjects? Thank you

I was watching a video on the how the narcissist is attracted so much to those who also can be disgnosed with personality disorders and how it is being said that there is a tually inly one personality disorder..different forms of psychopathy. Since the cluster B disorders have so many of the same diagnostic criteria and can easily be misdiagnosed for one another. Very interesting, i myself having borderline traits that could be diagnosed as they hinder my abiltiy to live a happy, stable life and have a stable self image and normal intimate relationships, i see some characteristics of narcissism and psychopathy in my own behavior when disregilated and under stress or am having issues eith intimate partners.

So in otherwords, they have no soul. They lack true emotions. Psychology, the study of the soul.

Thank you for the terrific video 💕

Are their tics not an expression of their intern chaos , and certain feelings . They don't want to give away their true feelings , but the chronic suppression doesn't work any longer and it becomes a neuroses which also expresses itself as tics.

Your videos have helped me see what I am. For I was fearing I've become a full fleged narsscis. Hahaha do have a few drops from old experiences. Believe all have some narsscisim, others have more then others.

i listen and listen but i dont understand shapshoting. whole thing about externalising ego. could there be a kindergarten guide to snapshoting? i thought it was freezing the living world in some kind of a picture and then relating to it inside. but ego?

Damn, Sam! That was a smooth intro.

Fascinating 👌

In the myth of narcissus, narcissus thinks that his reflect is beautiful & doesn’t realize that it’s his own reflection

HEY SAM! I made a funny joke to my Grandma this morning, in regards to my recent visit(and my personality of disorganization )--informed by you. Me: haha, yeah, sorry Grandma im so disorganised, thanks for keeping me on track this weekend but it all worked out, didn't it?! All of the things i tried to do i did, they all got done. And on Time! No trains missed! It looked like a Cluster F- but it was just a Cluster B. We guffawed quite a bit.

Real snakes

Is there anyone, anywhere, any books you recommend for understanding narcissism in this light, and healing from my own narcissism.

Sam you say at 23 mins that the "voices feel-" do you really mean that these voices are thinking for themselves and making decisions?

29:30