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The disconnect inevitably occurs when one of our own protective parts has taken us over ("blended" with us) and taken the lead. These parts are connected to our own hurt parts and project their fears onto our children. For example if you were taught that it is not safe walk unaccompanied down the street then you may have a big reaction if you see your kid stepping onto the sidewalk by themselves. Even though you grew up near a busy intersection and you now live at the bottom of a dead end road. The positive intent of that part (to protect) can result in you scaring your child or shaming it. When we "manage" instead of supporting our children we send the message that they are somehow not okay... and they feel the disconnect from our love.
When this happens, as it inevitably does give yourself space to work with your own parts before reconnecting.