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Moral of the story: we waste time over-analyzing and curating the “perfect” life, that we forget that we can simply just live it

In the words of the late British philosopher Alan Watts: "“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”"

"I don't want to behave in a way that sort of implies that I'm broken." That quote perfectly summarizes my problem with self-help as well. We're all different, as cliché as it sounds. For example, some people are natural early risers and can therefore follow the advice of waking up at 5 am really well. However, for others going to bed and waking up late works best for their well-being, simply because they're wired that way. I think that people use self-help as a shortcut instead of getting to know themselves, and then feel "broken" because they are following rules which were never meant for them.

I’m in the exactly same mental space right now. Not forcing myself to be a machine, to always be in a good mood, to be perfect. I’m accepting both good and bad emotions to arise. I’m still trying to accomplish my goals but I accept my failures. It honestly feels really good.

I like this new direction of more people becoming aware of “toxic productivity/self help”.

The concept of self help in today’s world is constantly trying to “fix” yourself. When in reality it’s less to do with fixing and has more to do with reflecting and embracing your journey as is.

Yes! This is exactly what I have been struggling with. After a period of poor mental health, I began to 'fix' myself, reading many books, finding inspirational quotes on Pinterest and constantly trying to better myself. I did genuinely enjoy this search for myself but after diving into the world of self help so much, my brain felt so so empty. Like there was nothing in my head, like I would always be trying to be better and I'd never be good enough. It is so toxic to me. I went through a stage of journaling a lot and now my brain is purely empty, took away all my curiosity for things other than bettering myself.

100% relate to this message man. Feels good to see someone like you address this topic! 🙌🏽

The visuals of this video are so clean, I wanna cry

So self-help is just a stepping stone to eventually freeing yourself and living life properly

I have gotten to 14 daily morning rituals including ice baths, 2 mile runs, meditation, the gym, and I have never resonated more with a video lol

I can defo relate to the self-help journey: wanting to become something that you're not, having a path laid out that'll supposedly get you there, and then realizing that what you really wanted was to accept yourself for who you are.

NATHANIEL, this is so refreshing and quite frankly, empowering. You’ve articulated something that I didn’t even know I’ve been struggling with. A bit of self-improvement here and there obviously doesn’t hurt, but once you feel bad for not doing something you feel like “you have to do” that’s when it becomes problematic. I feel like the core habits / routines I do keep have become effortless- because they simply make me feel good, but I’m okay if I miss a day or two. And that’s the thing, constant self-help / self-improvement can actually add more friction to our lives bc we feel bad if we don’t follow through on a certain habit or thing. We don’t need to be constantly optimizing or as you said “fixing” ourselves.

We learn as children to “correct” all the time our behavior to be “a better person”. Takes a lifetime to unlearn that and eventually (re)love ourselves for what we are.

I'm struggling with this too. I read Atomic Habits recently and think that it's a much better approach to making changes than most "get your shit together" books. It made me aware of a lot of things and why I have barriers to them, and why other things come easily and naturally. Since then I have been more interested in the idea of systems instead of goals, but I am also wary of systems becoming a goal. Anyhow, cool to see you're on a new journey and I will continue to follow. Here's to more curiosity!

Absolutely love this take. And I love the balanced approach that you always seem to demonstrate. You didn't demonize self help, you simply moved past the stage of using it to 'fix yourself'. We are not broken 💪🏻

Funny... I just had an almost-argument with a dear friend of mine. She is a designer who suffered from severe depression and burnout a few years ago. Her passion, which she had turned into her job, had turned into the main part of the hustle. After lots of therapy and ups and downs, she felt kinda good for a while now. She's now self-employed. This year she finally found her love for drawing again. And today she wrote that she needs to push herself to paint at least one picture a day, so she gets better at it. She did not understand, why I wasn't pleased to hear that. Why can't we just enjoy what we're doing just for the sake of doing it? Why do we HAVE to get better? Why can't getting better just be a nice side-effect? There is enough pressure in everyday life... why do so many add to this by looking at the things they like or love in a way that makes it seem like it's not okay the way it is?

I think it's a bit of a generalization to say "self-help tells us this." "Self-help" can be very different, a lot of books that are considered "self-help" talk about acceptance, self-love and not about how to constantly be better. Also I think most people anyways have that feeling of "when I reach this, then...." and it has nothing to do with self-help. It's just how we work. Some people try to chase materialistic things, that make them feel like they are progressing in life, others are trying to improve their habits, others are working/studying hard...etc I'm not sure I agree that it's self-help that makes us feel like we are "not enough". It more so comes from our childhood, how we are brought up etc and self-help is just one of MANY ways how people are trying to reach the "I'm enough" state.

"I'm no longer tryna fix myself" really resonated with me, wow🙏

You just put into words why I never felt really good about self-help, bullet journals, routines, etc. I think these things are useful tools when used in a balanced and healthy way. But once it becomes an obligation, an obsession, once you start feeling bad for not doing these particular things everyday, this is when it actually get toxic. We all need a bit of self-discipline in our lives as well as spontaneity, we need to make plans, but also let ourselves be surprised by life. As you said, we are irrational and emotional creatures, not machines. Thank you so much for this video, you've addressed a really important issue, and it will definitely help a lot of people, me included ! I'm sending you love from New Caledonia

As a confused 19 year old I must say, trying to figure out life and once place in the world is messy and often scary... Thank you for this video.

"I don't need to create the person that I think I need to be, I can just be the person that I am." damn bro you just called my ass out w this one 😶🤐

AMAZING VIDEO. Yeah, the truth is, if you are seeking out self-help material, you believe your life is 'not good enough' or that you are lacking in some area of life. That's not always a bad thing, because, if we always felt 100% 'enough,' then we would never get up in the morning to go to work. I think self-help material becomes cult-like when you are consuming hours and hours of content every single week and every single decision in your life is influenced by some audiobook or podcast you listened to. It feels good to stop listening to self-help stuff and just live life! I know many people who hardly consume any self-help material and they love their life... perspective is huge.

Through self-help, I became the person I always wanted to be, disciplined and responsible. However, I drove myself crazy working non-stop because I never was a super serious person before and I forced myself to be something I'm not. I'm still grateful for the tips and tricks I learned along the way but I'm glad I'm no longer putting myself under so much pressure and I'm working on being kind to myself.

My understanding with self improvement is that, it's great, it's necessary to look for ways to improve in life. However to obsess over it and constantly read/learn about it 24/7 is where the problem begins to occur. Your life just revolves around the goal, rather than the present time.

"I don't want to behave in a way that implies that I'm broken." ❤️

I absolutely resonated with this video. Ironically, seeking for self help is also what got me out of its toxicity. I talked to someone, I sat down with myself, I worked backwards and questioned why I kept feeling helpless. I healed out of self help gradually over time, and it happened almost by accident. I began to realize the things that were causing my headaches was this idolized fantasy like image of my self. I knew in the back of my mind that it came from fears and insecurities, and although I never really thought about it, I automatically assumed self help was another thing that encouraged that insecurity. So, I stopped reading about it

I like your unpopular opinions and lessons from your journey. They’re so refreshing and causes one to think critically. I strive for my films to get to half your quality too. Blessings ❤️

Life isn't about chasing some form of 'perfection', life is about living in the moment, seeking to experience as many things as possible, and trying to enjoy & appreciate it to the fullest before it all eventually ends.

I really have to thank you for making this video. I was really struggling with the fact that I didn't like the self help videos I was watching because I was under the impression that because these videos are trying to help me, I shouldn't criticize them. Now i realize that they werent actually helping me at all, they were just giving me the mindset you displayed in this video, which wasnt a way i wanted to live. Thank you again!

earlier today i had a realization that i wasn't chasing something but actually running away all my goals and to-do lists were a facade of not wanting to feel like a failure instead of sitting with that feeling and deal with it, i kept going with this "self-help journey" thank you!

I really appreciate you for being so honest about your journey. Not many people would be able to do this. To completely open up about how much your values and goals changed over the years and owning up to it although it requires a serious transition from your work from past. I like this and relate to it. Life is definitely evolving everyday and change is necessary. Also your willingness to share this shows the potential of this channel and all the future success that's coming your way. :)

“I think I have a lot more to offer life when I do not treat it like a competition or performance” - Nathaniel Drew Very interesting video, as always, a viewpoint I didn’t realise I needed to hear but glad I did.

Love your journey so much man. After years of overworking myself into stress, anxiety, and panic attacks-trying to track all of my habits in a bullet journey, religiously reading self-help books, trying to change who I was to find fulfillment or happiness-I've realized over the last year that the goal shouldn't be "what will make me happy, all the time," because that's impossible. Emotions coexist within us, so the goal should really be to eliminate that question from our minds entirely. The goals have shifted towards being more playful, peaceful, and present. And, wow, the pace of life has really slowed down and I'm enjoying life so much more.

Thanks for this sentence: I don't want to behave in a way that sort of implies that I'm broken". Spot on!

My family says that "every moment in life is either an adventure or a learning experience, but you won't necessarily know which until it passes." I'm happy to see that you are learning from both of your experiences and adventures. Beautiful video as always

It is a matter of the "right" dosage. It is absolutely possible to aim for perfection that doesn't exist. But it is equally possible to justify "doing nothing" like that. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. It surely is a worthy endeavor to improve the personal circumstances but it is never worth making an obsession out of it

i can feel such a shift in how people are viewing self care by recognizing how absolutely toxic it is. it goes against natural human instincts, like curiosity and living a life of adventure and caring for others and building communities. this video came at the just the right time in my life. i finished with school in august, and now that im finally out of academia, i've realized how toxic it was to me. i wanted to be the perfect student and the perfect person. i wanted everyone to love me and put so much pressure on myself to optimize my productivity. but that isn't being human. my journey of "self help" coincides strongly with your timeline. i feel like ive gone on this journey with you in a way. thank you for making this video and articulating everything i've felt in the past few months about what self help has done to me.

This is literally everything I’ve been feeling in the last couple months! The way you put it into words and visuals perfectly aligns with the feelings and thoughts I’ve been having. Truly impressed how you manage to execute powerful messages in such a graceful & empowering way. My favorite video by far 🙌🏼

The music is so beautifully placed throughout this video

Hey Nathaniel I loved this video. One friendly critique though-- I would advise clearly defining your version of self-help because there are so many different approaches and subgenres to it. There are more mainstream sides to it, more spiritual edges, more capitalistic productive sides, etc. I'm watching this video loving your insight but had a completely different experience because I don't think we were within the same subgenres. Keep up the amazing work as always Nathaniel!! :-)

On the other hand.. Self-help helped me come to this realization. Overstimulation, achieving, running, learning, thinking, building.. exhausted me. I failed to forgive my misgivings and imperfections, forgot to just live, as you said. I overwhelmed myself with how my reality should be and this created a deep need for silence and inner contemplation. Perhaps a new chapter has begun, but with more knowledge and acceptance. You have great presenting skills and vocalize a feeling and thought I couldn't. I barely ever comment, so kudos to you.

"Just be yourself" is the hardest piece of advice to follow, and I've felt so similarly around self-help having gone down the rabbit hole myself. All of your videos speak to me Nathaniel but this one is my favourite by-far, thank you for making it!

I'm actually so glad that self help made me steer into the direction of reading about psychology and especially trauma research and practices. That led me to so many things that actual self help usually uses as a side note. Many of the mindset shifts and the reality that bad feelings need to be felt and not ran from are things I fully learned the "how" and "why" to in actual psychology books. Some stuff fully research, some with only a big pile of anecdotal research. So I totally think that self help is just a path to figuring your life out for yourself. I have way less of a perfectionistic view on my life now that I accepted there is no such thing and that perfectionism is a need for control we simply don't have about many things. All this also helped me define my own version of happiness and success and made me compare myself less and just do stuff I wanted to do. I feel like I'm finally starting to figure out this sweet spot of liking it where I am as well as wanting to grow and adventure. Beautiful feeling. 🥰❤️

Nathaniel all of your videos are extremely insightful. I'm so glad the algorithm recommended the video about your host father all those years ago

Went on a self help rabbit hole myself back in 2017 and I never felt so seen. I love the evolution of this channel and how I feel like I’m growing with it. Absolutely feel the same way about the subject. Thank you for sharing this

Love how you let yourself change the course of this channel ! And how self reflective you are. Looking forward to hearing and seeing you further thoughts on this journey we call life !

recently started to aknowledge that noone really has a "best life" answer, feels weirdly great, like Im suddenly okay being me as I am right now. It´s nice to follow your journey :)

The “me not realizing it” part. I died😂 Going along with you on this journey is epic as we learn and unlearn things about you. So excited for this new perspective Nathaniel. Wishing you the best

What a well timed video. I’ve also been starting to question why I’m on the self help path, what draws me to it, what value does it bring, is there more value out there. I can’t be alone in feel that way either. Love your stuff, enjoy your travels!

this is my favorite video you have ever done. this is exactly what I have been through with self help as well and it's so good to hear people talk about it more

I really needed this video, thank you. I'm 20 and in a somewhat similar mindset to the young Nath that you described. I've always had issues with procrastination, self-confidence and comparing myself with others throughout highschool and up until this point. To counteract that and inspired by Martin from Wintergatan, I started getting into the world of self help at the start of university. I'd argue that whatever I got from it has been 20% useful and 80% anxiety inducing. Reading books and watching videos about being productive is objectively awful: it's someone, supposedly more successful, telling you "hey, this is why you suck and here is how to fix it." As you mentioned it's frustrating and disappointing when you don't succeed (which as you said it's most of the time in the long run). And there's countless self help books popping up left and right, all filled with different things you should master to be in a "better position". And thinking about it, all these authors have different backgrounds, upbringings, traumas, joys and even careers from me. It sure can help me navigate, but is it going to make my dreams come true? Or just make me feel bad for not being square? Either way, it's not a healthy path for people like us who don't know where to scratch the itching. What I wanted to say is this video has felt like a blessing, it somehow fits exactly into the chain of events that is bringing me out of self-help and most importantly out of my head, and into experiencing the world for what it has to offer. I don't want to be a boring ideal person, but a fun, content person. I don't exactly know where I wanted to go with this message, but thanks a million for the video, Nath. ❤️❤️ (PS - amazing visuals, as always)

Love this new direction & definitely resonates. For some reason this reminded me of the ending of the book Wild: “It was all unknown to me then, as I sat on that white bench on the day I finished my hike. Everything except the fact that I didn't have to know. That is was enough to trust that what I'd done was true. To understand its meaning without yet being able to say precisely what it was, like all those lines from The Dream of a Common Language that had run through my nights and days. To believe that I didn't need to reach with my bare hands anymore. To know that seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water was enough. That it was everything. It was my life - like all lives, mysterious and irrevocable and sacred. So very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be.”

I’ve been watching you since the early days and it always amazes me how our journeys seem to sync up over time. This latest insight and perspective shift comes at just the right moment, once again. That what you were missing was self-compassion, not achievement or optimization, really hit me. I look forward to seeing this next chapter for you.

Your videos always show up on time! Thank you for giving so much meaning to these complex feelings ✨❤️

"You can't pull yourself by your own bootstraps!" -Alan Watts Alan Watts lecture "How to be a Better Person" literally changed my life. There's a delicate balance between the Ideal Self that we can strive to become, and the radical realization that we can never truly "become" it because we "are" that. In other words, one must strive to live by virtue, yet realize we will never become fully realized people because of our nature (as humans). Aristotle argues that virtue is good in and of itself, and just because you haven't reached "the end" doesn't mean the struggle for Goodness and Virtue wasn't worth it.

At the end of the day we all want a life that is expansive and rich and like you said I think we try to find belief and meaning in things and self help is one them for some people. It can feel productive but sometimes it takes away from enjoying the process and we focus more on ‘have to do’ instead of ‘get to do’. Interesting video 🥰

Love how you realise and grow from your experiences. It’s so refreshing to see. Thank you for sharing, it’s inspiring in so many ways

You put exactly how I feel about self help in a way I couldn't put it before. It's so important to have this awareness of toxic productivity and how 'self-help' isn't really going to do much on its own.

You know, youre finally starting to look genuinely happy. It's a beautiful journey you're on Nathan, I can't wait to see where it leads you. :)

Watching how your mentality grow and change is truly fascinating. i started following you for the self help conent, but now i think your content is getting a lot more interesting and it gives me a lot of inspiration in my life too. Just wanted to say what you are doing is really amazing. keep changing and growing

I truly believe this is among the best videos on this platform. Pure truth. Thank you for putting in words what I couldn't explain💪

Man, this feels therapeutic and like a breath of fresh air. Keep this great work flowin, it's awesome.

This one was such an eye opener. Not quite sure when I started my own self help journey but it must be 5+ years now. As an example, sometimes I will find myself stressing about what's in my wardrobe for maximum efficiency, but I've never once needed that extra 5 minutes that I would take deciding what to wear. I could think of multiple examples like that. I'll spend so much time stressing about set ups, routines and what have you, that I sometimes forget to live. Like you said, self help is a very intriguing place at the start, but once you get sucked into it, you feel like you have to keep up with because if not, your life won't be as fulfilling. Every now and again we just need to take things with a pinch of salt and find things out for ourselves. After all, the best way to learn something is by doing it. Cheers Nathaniel.

I'm in awe of this love/hate relationship I have with the universe where in the same week where I'm going through my depressive episodes and clawing my way back to existence, an original artwork from Nathanial Drew drops and is the chary on top to fully lift my spirit!

I am IN LOVE with the new logic, now focus, everything about this new direction. It’s going to be fun and so exciting to see what else you share moving forward and I HEAR. FOR. IT!!!!

Hey Drew, this video genuinely shook me to my core. I now realise that during the most recent lockdown (I'm based in New Zealand) I have been leaning hard into self-help as a way to subconsciously seize control of my life because when everything seems so out of control. But you hit on the nail of the head. A single-minded approach can be stifling. Thank you!

I appreciate the transparency and the journey of nathaniel that he shared, I am both a subscriber and unsubscriber back then with his content because self-help leads me unsure, over-anticipating and over-rationalizing. at some point I just had a belief that we all are just thrown in the midst of confusion of existence, that I don't have to try so hard attaining certainty in it, I just have to play with it I suppose. cheers to our journey and self-honesty.

Love this!!! Glad to hear someone touch upon this. It's so true, we need to learn how to be present. We learn as we go and as we simply live, we don't need to be over analyzing everything. This is why I never felt fond of or drawn to "self help." Everyone has their own adventure and story to tell, you just gotta live boundless and free as possible!

I watch dozens of videos every day. This is the best one I’ve seen in a very long time. Thank you. :-)

I feel like my entire life I've been looking for someone to put this concept into words that I could not just understand, but really feel on a soul level. Watching this video was like "ah-hah" I totally get that. The way you articulated this is spot on, and really inspired me to re-evaluate my own blog to make sure I'm not promoting toxic self-help in my articles without even knowing it. I'm definitely going to share this video because it really moved me to embrace my journey as is and seek adventure over perfection.

Having just got out (hopefully!) of the self-help trap myself, I have to say that you put into words things I was struggling to describe for myself! What I have realised is that we can keep developing without "self-help". And for those that really want to dig deeper, there is always therapy. This year, I am definitely trying therapy. And living this damn life instead of designing it. Thanks for this video!

No joke. This is the best video Ive ever seen on KZfaq. I couldnt relate more. Feels like I made almost the same process in my mind when I began to reflect of how selfhelp was slowly ruining my life. Thank you for this reminder!

this is one of the most helpful videos you’ve made. I love the focus of self acceptance rather than self improvement, can’t wait for more!

Amazing video. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! 🔥🔥🔥

It's Nathan's birthday today you all!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! 🎉

I've been having this realization over the past year. Really validating to hear someone else so clearly articulate what I've been feeling. Thank you.

This video gives me so much joy! I would love to see a video on how to embrace the adventure and live more playfully. It’s interesting to see how some people are more focused on the end goal rather than the journey, and I think that’s why self help has never worked for me, because I’m so much less motivated by an end goal. Love this video!! Thank you for this 💕

Love the new designs man. I've spent the last couple years of my life diving so deep into self-help that I forgot what it was that I was trying to help myself do and achieve. Like you mentioned, my self-help mentality was fueled by an insatiable feeling of self-judgement. Ultimately, I'm realizing that what I need more than anything is self-love. It's not that we want to stop improving, but we'd certainly like to love ourselves along the way and forgive ourselves when setbacks occur. Really insightful video Nathaniel, I'm excited to see where your journey takes us moving forward!

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

This was something so true and real yet something that is just overlooked that i really wanna cry. I needed to hear all of this for a very long time, but honestly hearing this without watching your other videos and following your journey would just not have been it. Morning routine, night routine, journalling and what not is important, but the fact you emphasised that it could just be important for a while instead of forever is a wake up call. Thank you for this video, it was greatly needed. Here for all future adventuring and travel!

Yeah! So here for this message! :) Came to this conclusion myself a couple of weeks ago and it already has been so liberating ^^

The point you mentioned about journaling in other ways, I'm curious to know more about that.

If there was only room on the internet for one self help video, it should be this one. VERY refreshing to hear, and I think deep down we all know that seeking perfection and competing to get there with ourselves, and with others, isn't the route to self improvement really. Thank you!

Have always loved your videos but this one…wow. Hands down my new favorite creator to watch! Keep on living, namaste ♡

I am so proud of you! You have helped me a lot and I will always be thankful for that. Thank you for sharing a snippet of your life with us. May all of your experiences are fully lived.

About time you woke up Nathaniel, was wondering when you'd reach this conclusion

I think it is important to distinguish between "self-improvement" and "self-help" here. What you are referring to in the video sounds more like self-improvement which is often motivated by external factors such as comparisons and expextations that might not even coincide with what you really want or need. It is easy to get lost in self improvement that clings to an external perception of what you should be like. Self help (for me) always comes from a place of self-compassion and wanting to connect with yourself. It is essentially more internally motivated and different from self-improvement. I feel that with self improvement you want to achieve or change something whereas in self-help it is more about finding and connecting.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽touched and happy for you! I’m 50 years old and had the same realization as you “that i was broken and I needed to fix myself” I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep on being your unique self, love it 🙏🏽

Your videos never fail to make me think and reevaluate how I’ve been thinking and behaving. Thank you.

also animations are on point - shout out to the bro!

Oh, I had a very different reason for self-help. I just had one problem to solve, how to stop procrastinating. I found some helpful strategies in self help, but more from people who actually were experts in ADHD and executive dysfunction. Which isn't really a surprise. Though the first ADHD coach I had sucked, people online and the second coach helped a ton.

Thank you! I've been thinking this way about self-help as well, but can't put it into words. Glad I stumbled upon your video. Looking forward for more :)

I went through a similar path, and I am following you for years now, it's so interesting to see us grow and change, and this video made my day, really. I just love the way you think.

I absolutely needed to hear this. Especially when you said "Stop acting in a way that implies that you are broken." Wow. I have also tried to be rigid with my habits. Cold showers and tracking calories included. But the moment it makes me feel bad, I'm intentionally going to miss the next day. Your content is so damn inspiring, and I hope that one day, the content I produce is just as valuable as this. And I never make comments like these. All love brother.

I think the moral of the story is that the real joy is in the process, not in the destination. I definitely found myself in a trap where I was so bent on self improvement, and looking at the future that I wasn’t happy right now. However, self improvement content has improved (and possibly saved) my life in ways so deep it’s hard to really describe. I’ve just had to learn to be on my own side while I grow, and be patient with the improvements as they come.

Wow this was so eye-opening for me... you have put in words the feeling I had for some weeks now and I couldn't find the words to express it. Thank you so much for this and for all your content that I enjoy 'cos I love travelling and learning new languages! Lots of love.

Insightful as always, sir. Thank you for sharing! Your visual storytelling is getting so much better every single video. Each video feels like a film. Love it.

Hey YOU, beautiful person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️