Once I began to build self-trust at the beginning of this year, my procrastination habits, social anxiety, and driving anxiety became SO much more bearable. Self-trust really is at the root of healing ❤

This makes me realize that I don’t isolate because I don’t trust others. I don’t trust myself to stick up for myself, so I choose to isolate so I no longer negatively react to others. Thank you so much for this!

Quitting drinking (I know, a bigger goal than she's talking about) completely solidified my trust in myself. It just snowballed from there.

For anyone else who appreciates seeing things in writing, here are my notes from what Heidi says: 1. Do what you say you'll do - take one small thing and do it consistently for 30 days 2. Make a plan on how to regulate and react when triggered - be present and compassionate with yourself with your actions and behavior 3. Handle relationships with others with honesty and integrity - 30 days - keep every single commitment to see what we actually want to do 4. Say no when you mean no - be clear about your boundaries and communicate when there's an issue 5. Be aware of your feelings - pay attention to what is and isn't working in the present moment

Understanding the idea of there being an inner child in me that requires parenting has been the single most transformative self-growth realisation for me. Before this I always felt like a kid at heart and not quite as confident and independent as I should be, and I didn't know how to get there. After adopting this attitude of my inner child having needs and the higher/adult me being responsible for filling those needs and soothing the inner child, I've just become way... Better at being a person, hah. I have compassion, empathy, I express feelings genuinely and authentically, I show up for my friends and loved ones, I stand my ground and don't tolerate being treated badly and I make better decisions for my mental and physical health (without forgetting that sometimes it's ok to play and have fun too). When we're young we're told that you'll just automatically "grow up" when you hit a certain age, but I don't think that's true... We grow up when we learn to be our own parents, not just in the practical sense of financially supporting ourselves, but being the inner support system for ourselves, too.

Today is the first day I reframed my inner conversation. ‘I’m making my bed because I’m showing up for myself’ instead of ‘I’m making my bed because otherwise my room looks untidy.’ Feels completely different!

Heidi, on the slim chance you're reading this please know that this video got me out of the house after 3 years. At first it was a three minutes drive to a mall nearby - that was nerve wrecking for me. Whether I stayed for more than 10 minutes or less at the mall, I didn't care at first... I'd tell myself that I got dressed, I drove the car out of the house (albeit just to a place 3 minutes away), and I got home safe. Then I repeated this more regularly. Heidi, you helped me show up for myself ❤ Thank you. You brought some life back into me.

I'm a 29 year old female who has nothing really to show for all my years on this earth... I've always thought something was "wrong" with me because whenever I would get the courage to do something, I end up backing down out of fear and anxiety. I've always felt I'm just not good enough. I've struggled with on and off depression and just never knew why I could never get out of my comfort zone. I was convinced I was just defected or broken or something like that... I now see why I could never fulfill my own needs and dreams. I simply do not trust myself and I give up before even trying. I was made to feel small since I was little and all my experiences in life kept reflecting that to me even though I knew deep down that I'm so frickin talented and smart! (don't mean to sound cocky, but I'm literally amazing) But yea, it never made sense to me that I knew I'm absolutely capable yet I'm so not at the same time. It's like I was stuck in time. Graduated high school, 10 years went by and I was still the same person. I'm now on a healing self love/trust journey and I'm so ready to get to know, honor, and just be there for MYSELF. Thank you for this soul-filling, life changing video Heidi

74 and still working on self trust due to not realizing i suffered from self abandonment 😢

My self-abandonment shows up in nearly the opposite way. Instead of being seen as flakey and untrustworthy by saying yes and then changing my mind, I will say yes to everyone and do it all + more making me the "go-to person" for a everything... until I literally go into physical collapse. Then when I say sorry, I'm going to need to back off a bit and take care of myself they get all bent out of shape and I get kicked to the curb. This has basically been the cycle of my life on repeat for as long as I remember. Work, work, work, take on more, and more, go, go, go then... I'm flat on my back and no one wants anything to do with me.

I started nearly 2 years ago, doing something consistently daily, by starting Duolingo. I am still growing strong and have a two year celebration planned. The idea is celebrating being authentic to myself. Now, I also walk everyday. That can be tough in one of the planets hottest spots, but doing it makes me feel good, has helped me lose over 100#s, and become someone new. Then I decided to be outgoing and build friendships based on being open. I now have friendships I never had. My life is full in a way it never was. The start was trusting and loving me. Caring for me and my relationship with myself.

Summary: What makes it difficult to trust snd how can you the opposite? 1:51 Making promises to "yourself" that you don't keep. 4:43 Counter: make very small goals and do it. Something for yourself, solely because you said you want to do it, without accountability of anyone else. 7:11 You don't understand why you are doing the things you are doing 7:20 Counter: being present and compassionate with yourself Account for situations that we are going to get emotionally hijacked, and making plans for that. 12:42 You don't handle your relationship with others with integrity and honesty 14:01 keep "every single" committment you have agreed to. Experience the consequences of not committment. In long term, say yes less, so you can keep your commitments. 19:24 You can't trust yourself to say no when you mean no. Conter: identify and respect your own boundaries. Make it clear for yourself and other people. 25:20 You're ignorant to the present moment. Show up and pay attention to your emotional experiencess at every momemt.

Heidi, I remember watching a video where you gave the advice on sticking with something good for you every day for thirty days and I tried it out. (I’m trying to work on strengthening my secondary questioner tendency, I have the rebel tendency so self trust is really hard). I picked something really small (drinking 2L of water a day) and I missed one day in the middle, and was tempted to not count it, but it felt like cheating so I went back to day zero and started again (also, accountability means consequences, so if I just let myself skip that day it would have defeated the purpose of the exercise). I just hit day 30 today and I feel a lot more self trust than I did at the beginning and I’m gonna try adding more stuff now! Thank you for that piece of advice, it was a gem💎

Wow. For the last six months I've been doing 30 pushups and a Duolingo lesson every day, guess I've been practicing this habit of recovering from self abandonment without knowing! Feels good. :)

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZfaq channel 5 months ago about self development. Now I have 329 subs and almost > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I couldn’t have learned without getting started in the 1st place.

I finished this video in 3 different sittings with multiple breaks bc I felt triggered and dissociated so often .. feel definitely called out, but im trying

This might be most applicable for anyone else who struggles with the executive dysfunction… For anyone else who thought her examples of “easy goals” to set for 30 days all sounded too hard… idk if it’s just the ADHD complicating factor or what but those all sounded like really tough goals to start with to me. You might want to start with something SUPER basic like, instead of meditate for 1 minute every day, your goal might be “get out the yoga mat and stand on it every day”. Instead of eat something homemade every day, it might be “write down something you would like to cook”. For my background at least, all of those goals she listed as examples would still be setting myself up to fail and then feel even worse about myself once I couldn’t do even a “simple” goal for 30 days. When your self trust is so low sometimes you need something that is even just pointless and stupid but so easy as a goal. Like it could even be “I will spin around in a circle once a day” as long as you know you can actually do it without having to muster some massive amount of mental energy.

Heidi, I hope you can read this. Out there there's plenty of therapists doing an incredible job. You are unique tho. You have the gift of clarity with which you explain complex concepts. Your literature review is impeccable, when there's a concept I need to understand clearly I always go back to you. I love your video about dysfunctional familiy roles, I find myself going back to it (Lost child). Thank you very much for all the effort you put creating your videos and this channel. You've helped me more than many years of therapy.

After listening I am exhausted. That was a lot for me to digest. I got thru the 30 day commitment part, but my mind was racing with “yes, but” and I will have to take a nap and try the last part again

“Develop a plan for when you are emotionally hijacked/ triggered.” This was a gem! I’m currently working on this in my healing journey. I’m glad this video came across my feed. It’s confirmation that I’m on the right track❤

Self trust and building self intimacy - I never knew how hard that is and how little of it I have. It's so much easier to see how others have neglected/abandoned us. I hope this is a topic you continue to explore here. As I've said before, you have a gift and I'm thankful you're sharing it here.

This is a bit of an epiphany for me. How clearly I believe that I am someone who can handle disappointment and betrayals because I so often opt out of acting and building towards things I am internally hoping for and say it's no big deal, it's only me I'm letting down. It's just me who is missing out. It's such an autopilot thing to self-abandon that it throws me to realize that I stopped hoping for a lot of things because I don't trust that I will ever actually act in alignment with my feelings. Everything here feels like my experience.

“you are continuously breaking the trust of your inner child,There is very young very innocent part of you thats het very excited every time you make a big plan for your future and that part gets continuously let down every time you get emotional invested in a plan and don’t follow through on it

When you learn to be out of your comfort zone you realise you can achieve so much. And you start to see you can rely on yourself.

Absolutely true, all of this. And an added note for anyone suffering with depression through this as well, there are a lot of "shoulds" here and it could be easy to beat yourself up even more for not following through on promises. But the more we can learn to be patient with ourselves and forgive, forgive, forgive - every day forgive yourself for something, even if it's small! - the more we can hold a soft spot for our inner selves that makes it a breeze to follow through naturally. I promise, if you are struggling with heaviness and can't see an end to it, it gets better. It all gets better with kinder self talk and forgiveness. ❤

It's so crazy that you talk about dissociation as something that needs to be "called out" when it was pretty much my default state in elementary school.

Heidi, it blows my mind how articulate and eloquent you are. I have nothing but endless appreciation and admiration for you. ❤

My goodness Heidi, your recent round of videos are addressing precisely what I need to hear in the moment. Thank goodness for you!

02:20 inner child gets "let down" 06:40 step one build self accountability - do something I said I would 07:10 2 be present and compassionate - understand and develop plans for situations of being emotionally hijacked by our triggers /attachment systems 10:30 recognizing in the moment when disregulatet / dissociatet -> states of risk for self abandonment - > being prepared, having strategies, know how to handle it - > know who I am and trust the version I am when regulated (!) - > leave problem solving to that version 12:40 3 how am I handling situations with others -> guilt\own needs -> doing "homework" before committing to plans instead of being to quick to say yes 19:25 4 saying no when meaning no -> knowing where my limits and boundaries are and enforce them in order to trust ourselves 22:05 Pulling away = something feels like a no /boundary crossed -> learning where those boundaries are earlier, before they get stepped over, comoassionately phrasing them = self trust 23:10 (!) ppl with history of trauma /attachment wounding: having fear that setting boundaries/being clear about them = getting abandoned - > only true when we choose to engage with ppl who fear/feel threatened by boundaries - it's the OPPOSITE in secure relationships - > boundaries make relationships work better, are the healthy limits that allow us to show up without fear 25:20 5 frequently zoning out from present (emotional) experiences (adaptive strategy/response from childhood) -> necessary to pay attention towards what is and isn't working for us in a giving moment order to build a sense of self trust 26:45 appropriately recognize and respond to emotional threads - > try to stay as present as possible with ourself in as many moments as possible - > lifelong process > self trust grows the more we master this

If we speak in terms of spirituality, ascenscion, growth.. I recently learned that we will only accomplish as much as we trust ourselves in this lifetime. Thank you for the insight and healing.

By Tuesday I have to say something to my exiting housemate to honor myself, that is very difficult for me. It's so simple, I need to say "I don't think you should take any of my stuff to start your new home, when you are entitled to a variety of support to get yourself set up, and you are working, whereas, as you're aware I don't have much and am poor and unable to work to even meet my basic needs let alone replace what you take." Makes sense and I agree with my point of view. But this housemate has been abusive and I fawn and act agreeable with them (and everyone else in my past). They're leaving because I began practicing boundaries and when they flipped out I didn't put up with it. But now they're leaving they said they want to take some of my furniture and kitchen items because they have nothing.. but I had nothing a year ago and was given the few things I have from a church, and they are able to get the same help from church (and they will). But I already got help and can't replace what this housemate takes. I have agoraphobia and cptsd from abuse and a physical disability so I can't replace what they take. All I need to do is show up for myself and say no you can't take MY STUFF. But it's very hard.

Great video! I would just add a caveat: do not follow through on promises where you might get hurt or abused just because you promised someone. A lot of people with weak boundaries might misinterpret your suggestion and make it a rule.

I have anxious attachment tendencies. In my last relationship,...with an avoidant, of course,... I felt something was not working. We talked about it, and put together a timeline and a checkpoint. After it was due, there was no improvement. And at that moment I was hesitant to give up. It was so damn painful to let go. We struggled with that for months until he with candor told we need to stop. I have done so many unconcious sabotage for god's sake,....but therapy and videos at the same time. It still hurts, but now I learned to take care of my inner child wound. I committed to do personal changes, and with less or more like, I am sticking to them. Now I have my personal projects, I met new people, put some boundaries to environment, learned new skills, and abandoned some habits, people and self talk that do not do good to me. It is not easy, and sometimes not nice either, but I am sticking to it, and minute by minute I am feeling better and more free. Thanks Heidi for describing to me what I have been learning these past months. ❤

This is an interesting adaptation of some critical CBT concepts into a very easy format to enact outside of a clinical environment. I absolutely love what you're doing here, dude. I've been kinda binge watching your series in my recent down time and I have to say I'm extremely impressed. You're on to something beautiful in this channel. I've noticed you've gained almost 10k followers during the week or so I've been following your channel. You're on your way.

For me it’s a little of both: following through with myself and also cancelling with others. I think I self-abandoned in the past by following through on everything (sometimes because I actually made a commitment, other times just because I felt an obligation or had let others talk me into things), no matter how it made me feel, sometimes completely overworking myself. I had to learn to cancel plans, and only then did it become possible for me to connect to the idea of saying no in the first place or ask more questions (something I‘m still working on!). I definitely still tend to say no to everything, because I‘m afraid I‘ll work myself into the ground by following through. Interesting topic, thanks for the video!

I'm bad about being kind of flaky with people but man your bit on dissociating (and in several other of your videos) really grabs me. It's a challenging habit to break, but I so appreciate your content for bringing it up. I don't think I would have ever realized it. All the best 😊

Omg. I don't know how no one jas said this about showing up for myself to help me trust myself in a way that I actually heard it!! It makes total sense. I've spent a life of doing for everyone else and would tell myself I'd do stuff and then be naaahhh too hard, etc, and not follow through. There are just so many holy crapcakes moments in this video. Thank you so much!! ❤❤

Your channel is loaded… very solution centered❤❤❤

So grateful for this. I am in my late 20's and I'm truly ready to heal and step into a successful art career and deepen my relationships. I appreciate the tools you have created for healing and becoming a better person. Lack of access to healthcare (therapy) and a traumatic childhood is not a strong enough excuse because I deserve a healthy and joyful life.

It’s like you’re in my head sometimes and you know EXACTLY what I need to work on and exactly how to work on it. Thank you, Heidi 💕

My first small thing i did solely because I said I would (...and to begin to build self trust) was drink my coffee black! Still going strong! It's been a few months now! I tried so many other times and always gave up. This perspective has been so helpful, I have implemented it in other ways now too!

I love your videos. I used to be very trustworthy, and then I had some experiences where I felt I lost myself in it, and my physical health. I'm just finding my way back into health, and I want to understand where my limits are. This video gave me some much needed insight into what I'm experiencing. Thank you!

I loveeeee this. It's so beneficial for me, i'm gonna watch it over and over again and implement it in my life. thank you !

This definitely makes sense to me and explains how I failed to show up for myself after years of feeling abandoned by others who loved me

Lol my inner child just said “man I’d you try to use these tricks against me I’ll cripple you with the worst panic attack you’ve ever had” lol

i don't trust myself at all. every choice i make is accompanied w anxiety, even choosing which flavor of yogurt to eat lol. hope this helps cuz i feel my potential is so wasted that there is no point in living at all. i'm very all-or-nothing. ahh, so basically i have to have follow-thru. which i knew. guess i wanted a different answer :( now to figure out how to follow-thru

I’d love to see a similar video about the anxious side. I never said no or walked out of a situation I didn’t like, and now I am having to allow myself to walk out or get angry.

Having respect for oneself when looking in the mirror and a general feeling of safety are extremely important! So, that feeling is my "inner child (happiness compass)"? I was a superstar and abused until I was broken.

Hi Heidi! I feel very grateful that I found your channel! The way you have described the experience of fearful avoidant attachment disorders has brought me so much clarification and made me realize I am not alone. Your videos approach these issues with empathy and understanding, rather than just labelling people like me as "toxic" and unfixable. I am consistently impressed with your content. Do you offer zoom therapy? If not, do you have a therapist you could recommend? If not to both of those things, I just want to say thank you for doing what you are do! Not only are you helping thousands, but you are actively offering counter narratives against pseudo-psychologists who only encourage finger pointing.

I usually don’t comment but i have to say your videos and your knowledge are equivalent to thousands dollars of therapy ❤

One more foundational thing here is have a sense of self-love and having an experience that you can trust yourself not to be your own abuser. It's hard to act on the other ideas without that, because you can end up retraumatizing yourself.

I've been watching your videos for some time, and it's this is the first one I'm commenting. For two reasons: first to say thank you for all your brilliant work and then to add that this video comes at a time where I was feeling overwhelmed and stuck by learning about these concepts that resonate so much with my experience and not being sure if I was implementing them correctly in real time situations. This approaches the reason why I was feeling so insecure. So, once again, thank you!

Wow, the way you explain it makes me realize just how often I really have built my inner child up with grandiose plans only to let myself down. And I've been actively denying my own emotions all my life. Thank you for giving tangable examples of how to start building self trust. This is such a helpful video.

Love this video! Thanks for your great work Heidi!!!

I needed this video!! Thank you so much!!

this was a WONDERFUL video. You should be really proud of yourself. So many people including myself have gained a lot of clarity. You're making a real impact. So I hope you have a great day

Your wisdom is wonderful Heidi.

Self-trust doesn’t interfere with parts therapy (IFS) at all. Without self-trust, we can never trust the parts or the therapy.

Thank you very much, Heidi!❤

Thank you, Heidi, from my heart!!

Thanks Heidi your insights are amazing and life changing! ❤

This really helped me, thank you!

Life changing video. Thanks Heidi.

We appreciate your compassionate help, Heidi! 💝

Talk about timing! You are amazing, thank you for this.

This is so helpful, thank you!!

Love your videos Heidi, this was soooo helpful ❤

Thanks Heidi… this resonates x

Heidi you have become my favorite youtuber with so much useful advice.

Your channel has helped me work thru some issues I couldn’t even talk about much less understanding.

This is a FANTASTIC video and method. Thank you so much, Heidi. ❤

Thanks for the great subject, as always.

Oh my gosh! This is so exactly right on the mark

This is the best advice I have ever heard

You are my new favorite personal development KZfaqr

You are a true inspiration. Thank you for all of your videos.🙏🏾

This is EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for. Your videos have been such help omg thank you! 😭

Perfect topic. Perfect timing!!! Thank you ❤

Putting this on repeat

omg! You can literally formulate every sentence in a way that makes so much sense to me and I can deeply relate to. Thank you so much for your videos they really help me understand myself!

I have chronic derealization/depresonalization. Its incredibly difficult if not impossible to be presnt in my body most of the time. It makes my follow through and decision making a very trying process and im often just a long for the ride. But I am trying my best to weigh all my decisions and if they will in the end have the best out come for me and those around me. Your videos have been nothing short of a miracle to discover at this time in my life. You have a very grounding presence and your way of articulating these complex issues is incredible. So glad i found this channel!

You have been a godsend, truly! I love you back for putting the real work in and being authentic with your subscribers. Keep up the great work and know how much your hard work is appreciated!

Thank you for this channel! It started changing my life this year and I really appreciate it.

Wow, you have such a gift at explaining this information in such a clear and concise manner. I realize I have gotten much better at expressing boundaries and saying no, but I realize I abandon myself, my inner child, all the time! I am going to find a picture of me as a little girl and put her somewhere that I see her every day and start to be more accountable. I have gone through years of therapy and read hundreds and hundreds of books on healing and I continue to learn. Big hugs to anyone who happens to read my comment, and an extra hug for your inner child ❤

You are amazing Heidi - thank you, this is amazing info ❤️

AMAZING vid, sill be rewatching!!

So glad I found your channel! You so get me and help me get myself. ❤❤

Thank you!

Thank you for your hard work

Thank you for giving a concrete steps

I’m loving and getting so much from your videos. Thank you so much

Thank you so much for this, Heidi! It's still something I find difficult to do. The way you present things really hits home for me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks! Your information is invaluable.

Thankyou again for another insightful video. You are responsible for beginning to wake me up to the truth that I live in a fantasy in one very important area of my life. Thankyou for saying how to approach moving beyond that in your video. Ive been very lost about what was holding me back and keeping me stuck. I do know that I fantasize because I am afraid to go on the real life journey of creating financial reliance and prosperity. And even a authentic journey because I often think that theres no money in the things I love. I think the truth is that I have no exact way of telling what my success will be until I try😊 Anyways, I have alot to work on now. Thankyou❤

Thank you so much. Your videos are so helpful and I am grateful for your influence!

Thank you, Heidi, I always appreciate what you have to share. Bringing real tools & compassionate understanding to survivors of trauma makes a difference. For me, my self-trust has been based on how present I've been with myself for many years. The wise part of me stepped in to support myself. This definitely is a life long process of "Being present with ourselves." Using our present moment awareness" to be discerning and to make wise choices is very much to the point. How we show up for ourselves internally is then translated into how we show up in relation to others. If we experience integrity with who we are in consistent ways over time, we can bring this to our external world & different situations. Showing up for ourselves again & again & returning to this can build confidence & trust. One of the most courageous & compassionate things we can do for ourselves is to commit to being consistently present with ourselves in response to childhood neglect, abandonment, separation & betrayal..

I have tried a number of times to address situations with friends that feel off and weird in a calm, direct and honest way. But it has never worked in the way you describe. The other person usually simply responds in a passive aggressive or angry way and stonewalls. Which just makes me feel even angrier and wonder why I bothered. Or with my DA husband he just won’t accept any responsibility for the situation and very little comprehension of what I’m trying to explain. So that goes nowhere either. He won’t or can’t change his way of interacting and cannot understand my needs for better communication. I just don’t think most people are able to interact in a mature and securely attached way. Very few that I know anyway.

This is so helpful. Thank you. Also went back to your video on self-abandonment, and yep, totally used to do that.

Thank you for this revalation.