the school of life literally teaches me what i should know about that other people dont teach.

My eyes are wet with tears whenever I try to complain. People around me (mainly family and really close friends since they are the only ones to whom I would complain) would then belittle my feelings or become impatient while I try to talk with my trembling voice. They would say things like "It's nothing. Get over it."; "Don't be such a baby."... I totally understand that people are not interested in the dull details of others' daily lives. They don't mean to hurt me. But still, I am disappointed that my compassion is not reciprocated. Now, I am a cold fury. I complain to absolute nobody to avoid humiliation or negligence. I secretly feel that my voice is not deserved to be heard and nobody would try to understand. I know it isn't true but that's just the way I feel. But, journaling is a great way to vent. I can weep with sorrow, curse with anger, smile with joy during my writing without being judged, laughed at and rolled eyes at. Give it a try if you also find difficulty in mature complaint.

Supposed to be studying but bet id learn more from this video

What I've always found difficult about complaining is that it's hard to tell someone how you really feel about their behavior, even if it's in a constructive way, without them taking it as a personal assault. What's the best way to solve that?

I love how hearing things we already know can be so refreshing. It's not like we don't know that screaming doesn't help, it's not like we don't know that keeping things for ourselves will only make our feelings worse. But still everytime we hear it we think 'oh what a delightful wisdom' People are weird.

"...can make the difference between a life of constant frustration and bitterness" **opens door to lighting, rain, bad weather** "and one of tolerable coexistence" **opens door to infinite darkness** oh, okay then.

This might be the most English video the School of Life has ever made ;)

I wonder what Alain De Button had to go through in his childhood to be this sympathetic of others' problem.

Thank you so much for this video! I had just recently yelled at 2 of my closest friends for a passing remark because I have felt so belittled by them for so long. The video described what I did, how I felt and what I want to aspire to so accurately and gently, I feel more empowered to work a way to save my relationship with them. Thank you!

This one hit pretty deep. I very much doubt that complaining rationally and confidently gets any better results than the "cold fury" approach most of the time. Most people that hurt you probably don't have your best interests in mind, which is why they felt fine about hurting you to begin with. Having the kind of self-confidence and self-love to complain well is probably better for us internally though.

And then there is me, who uses the 2nd option, but whose memory is so bad that I forget about being angry at the person.

i'm currently the happiest i've ever been in my life (although only 16) and you, the school of life, i have to largely thank for my happiness. i truely wish every person who contributes to this channel all the best. You're really making a difference in peoples lives like you have in mine. Thank you and keep it up. i give you all my love

That's fun and all but even when I try to be as kind as possible and understanding this one guy every time still manages to see it as a personal attack and gets agitated and won't care.

Saying how you feel about someone's bad behaviour relies heavily on their ability to be empathetic. But what if thr person just doesn't care how their behaviour hurts other people? What should one do?

Can you credit the music in the description? I'd love to listen to the string quartet

Does anyone not question their own reasons for becoming offended in the first place? My thoughts are that discomfort with what others say or do, often points to places in our psyche in need of healing... that the pain others cause us is frequently not intentional. Blaming others for how we feel is the coward's way out, and ignors a perfectly good opportunity for introspection, healing and self growth. As well failing to recognize that emotions are a self generated choice.

recent experience taught me that reasons and compassion with 'i feel' speech are useful only when the counterpart cares. when someone simply doesn't care, it becomes win for them and lose for me.

I deeply deeply .... just. ... from the bottom of my heart love this channel. thank u for ur work.

more people need to watch school of life, this channel touches on important shit, being a subscriber is a blessing

the timing of this video is almost uncanny

I'm definitely more passive aggressive. I'm very hurt these days, mostly self inflicted from making the same mistakes, and feel like I'm alone (though I know I'm not truly so). But I'm learning to be more direct when hurt and to use "I" statements. Thanks Alaine.

Thanks for this video. I've been quite upset at my significant other lately and this has taught me to voice my grievances in a slightly more mature, non-hurtful way.

I want to thank Alain de Botton and everyone working behind this fantastic channel, The School of Life. I sometimes feel that we are not worthy enough of your great efforts, I mean the fact that you do this for free says plenty about you as people. Thank you for trying to make the world a better place and for giving it your best effort even if it doesn't benefit you a lot. I usually don't comment, but I feel the need to show my gratitude to this channel, because it helped me through endless tough times, and made me a better, wiser, and fuller human being. Thank you ❤️

Alain has a true gift of rendering deep and nuanced truths in concise and clear statements.

It always amazes me not just the insightful and valuable lessons school of life teaches, but they always try new graphic styles that are so succinct and impactful it amazes me. Thank you for such great videos and keep up the amazing design, content and execution.

This came out at the perfect time for me. I've been facing someone who is presenting many problems in my life everyday but this will help me express myself. Thank You!

I love this kind of videos. I think the "behavioural psychology" kind of videos are my favourite.Thanks TSOL

1:38 her face reminds me of myself when getting angry 😂

this video is amazing at describing the feelings of these three ways of complaint... stunning.

I am 99% of the time the person to give people another chance, to let some things go unnoticed even if they bother me more or less significantly. Then when I think they have exaggerated and I feel that I might begin to feel hurt or insulted by their behaviour I calmly tell them what I think was unkind or unfair towards me, when and where it happened, what attitude made me feel insulted or belittled etc. What this video doesn't tell you is that even if you master "mature complaint", people around you who are from group I or II (to use this video's terminology) will still respond to your "mature complaint" with an outburst of rage or with quiet resentment. And this is the worst part, because sometimes those people are the ones you care about the most and it's very stressful to always accept their outburst of hatred before managing to have them think about what you told them and actually try to understand it. Now of course I haven't always been like this, when I was a kid I used to be much more impulsive and less comprehensive. Getting myself to be a "mature complainer" has really helped me because now I know that 99% of the times I say something (I'm not perfect, of course) I did my best to try to walk in the other person's shoes and to put my point in a neutral way (this is also proven by my friends who always tell me how they would have just said 'fuck you' in my same situation). This is very satisfying, because you really know you did as much as you could for the other person and for your own point's sake. But on the other hand, please don't think that this meager satisfaction can outbalance the frustration of seeing the ones you like treat you just the same way as if you just exploded with rage towards them. Most of the time you just get tired of kindly telling the other person what hurt you, getting a lot of hate in exchange and then returning to the previous situation. So eventually this leads to slowly getting away from that person that you like or love because they simply cannot seem to make the small effort of listening to what you're saying without getting offended or feeling insulted. So the point I'm trying to make with this long ass comment is: trying to better yourself must always be the main goal of one's life, but don't you ever think that this is going to lead you to be instantly understood and loved and respected (and let's not mention people who mistake your patience/comprehension for weakness and start treating you as a punching ball). Unfortunately, emotional intelligent people are often destined to being surrounded by acquaintances because whenever they try to enter the friendship/love line, they are just covered by the others' rage and passive aggressiveness.

Whoa I really appreciated how concise and visually engaging this video is!

I put your videos on to go to sleep, not because they're boring but because your voice is so soothing it calm me☁️

Wow, these videos just keep getting better and better.

At the heart of every advice from SOL is the importance of having compassion for others and organizing our emotions in order to communicate well with others, because good communication is at the heart of a healthy life.

In Canada, we just say sorry all of the time.

this literally applies to me and my relationship right now. I have been responding to cold fury with hot and hot with cold...this helps a lot. now comes applying the lesson. thanks +The School of Life !

The teachings From these videos have done WONDERS for my relationship with my bf. I will keep this video's teachings in mind as well.

This video helped me explain an issue I was having with a dear friend to them. Thank you

This video is beautifully animated. Complaining describes one's feelings of the self not one's perceptions of others, this is because they are likely suffering in ways we cannot perceive. And I believe mature complaint must be a two-way process.

My parents argue a lot, my father is more of the live fury type, my mother more cold fury, but explodes sometimes when pushed. They always rant about each other until one of them leaves/ locks him/herself in a room (very mature ik). I would often tell them to try respectfully saying what they feel instead of pointing out flaws (that usually have nothing to do with the argument itself) about the other person. They would always disregard my advice telling me I don't understand because I haven't been in a relationship. I probably don't fully understand, but in my opinion the fact that I've never been with someone also means I can see the situation from a different view, and spot problems that they can't because they are too hurt/angry to see or admit them. Just goes to show that sometimes, good advice can come from the people you least expect it from.

This one touched on so many of my personal experiences,and gave m so many feels. Thank you or that, School of Life!

"We deserve a huge amount of compassion for our failure to know how to complain wisely. Our inability is a snapshot into our past and into some properly troublesome dynamics that occurred along its course. But by sketching the ideal style of complaining, we can start to imagine what we’re not natively capable of and to fill in through reason and reflection what we haven’t been able to achieve through upbringing and through love. We can take our first stumbling steps on the path to Mature Complaint." brilliant.

Thank you so much. You posted this at the best possible time and it really helped enlighten me.

I can not express the the sheer magnitude this video was needed in my life right now

That was one of the best videos I've seen on this channel! I learned so much from this video and took down so many quotes to internalize and think about. School of Life, you guys are absolutely awesome and you've helped me so much, I absolutely love this channel!

I'm looking forward to complaining today

This made me realize why my relationship with my dad isn't the best, he doesn't know who to complain he just uses "cold fury." I never know if I'm doing something wrong or off-putting to him because I never get feedback. Where would I be without this channel.

I love the background score. It is so soothing and melancholy.

It would be really lovely for you guys to talk about the "Hi Stranger" video. It comes off as unsettling to people, and to others very comforting. I think there's a dichotomy between those two aspects and would love to hear School of Life's perspective on it, and discussed in that lovely honey voice we've all become accustomed to.

Please do more curriculum videos , like History of Ideas ! P.S. You are the best channel on KZfaq

Haha the art is strong in this one! Those facial expressions are awesome!

Thank you so much for this, it was extremely helpful. Keep up the great work!

Great video with beautiful Dvorak's Americanquartett in the background :))!

Thanks for making me cry.

I've went from cold fury to mature complaint in my time. It feels quite nice to stand secure from that long time ignorance.

your videos mean a lot to me. Thank you so much

So, don't let it get to you, and try to understand that both parties have their reason for acting hurt.

Wow. So insightful. Speaks straight to the heart of an argument my wife and I had last night.

I love that this channel tackles topics that usually get a blanket response. "complaining: ITS BAD DON'T DO IT!"

this video gets uploaded right before I'm about to make a complaint to my boss about my working standards! Super helpful! Thanks :D

I started with the first, then I later went to the second combined with the first because I was trapped in a relationship with someone who's response was always the second. It was only through much self reflection, forcing myself to face my fear on my self, and finally accepting that I (and she) deserve better that I have managed to get to the third. I still from time to time struggle with wanting to return to old habits. I sometimes do, but it's through that painful, wonderful self reflection that I have grown beyond those old habits. It gets easier every time because of practice. I regret my old, damaging behaviors, but I am trying to be better than I was.

This was so beautiful 😭❤

Thank you! This video came a bit late for my case, but atleast now I can make progressive steps toward fixing a certain relationship on sure footing.

Who is this artist!!! They know how to accurately convey expression with such grace it truly is impressive in both senses of the word. I would love to see more of their work, they really brought the subject matter to life

This episode was so well animated

These videos are gems.

I have the traits of all these complaintors, I swallow it with cold fury, later to be dealt with by being aggressive in the gym; and lastly I run and hide from the person that hurt me. This method is dangerous and results in having no close friends that I can share my feeling with, and never being able to speak my mind unless its through punches towards a punching bag. The music was amazing, thanks for this thoughtful video.

I just told my whole life story and complained about everything that has happened in my life, it felt super nice because I felt like a weight has been lifted. It was only in text though so I wasn’t doing it in person, I feel like if I do complain in person- I’ll probably start crying on the spot.

this is so accurate, I just learned about this in class and this is very well explained.

This is such an important video. Especially now.

on the right time this video came up! i is a little bit difficult get out of the second choice. like a circle...you just want let things go..and at the same time do something about it.

This Channel always reads me like a book.

Beautiful animation. Great narration. On point narrative. You never cease to amaze me.

Love the content, stayed for the animation. Keep it up ! blue guy reminds of Mr Meeseeks

I believe that Complaining can make a difference. it can help you pay attention and understand someone if they cant just spell it out for you. I feel like I have some things to say that its my time to complain now or never. i learned it from everyone around me that complains. i try not to and if I do find a good reason to and try to be kind as I can.

This feels like a fever dream.

5*/5* stars this time on sound and design! keep up the great work and thanks

Yeah, I got a big complaint for you jack-o's!!... I love your videos, they've helped me look at my problems in a different perspective, and made me think out side of the box when it comes to the people around me and the stuff they might be dealing with. Thank you:]

Ah, my daily dose of depression...

How fantastic!! I will stop at nothing to put this into practice.

This animation is terrific.

You guys are just amazing!!!

Your videos are extremely insightful

Thank you for your videos! Please continue to do more. It's been very helpful with recent uncontrollable episodes. God speed School of Life!

A splendid, peacful and heartwarming video. Thank you.

I don't complain, just grumble like an old man

This channel is the best

The animation is fantastic!

I used to be the second type, I swallowed rage until I couldn't hold it anymore and explode in spiral of violence at the first touch. It's some years now that I've started walking down a path of self improvement, and I'm slowly transitioning to the third type. I suggest everyone takes action to better themselves, it improves literally everything in your life, and even other people will start behaving better at you.

this video explains these feelings amazingly good!

these animations are amazing

great video as usual and I don't know if it's me but I think the animation is hilarious

I can already tell my mom's going to love this video

Truly , thank you

Great animation ! I'd love to see more of this.

the animation is very well thought out and beautiful

all their videos kept me watching to the end and then it's like they haven't solved the point they stated at first. Pretty much the same emptiness I feel after a session with a psychologist

I truly beleive that with enough patience this philosophy could bring world peace

best video ever, thanks a lot

Because you said there were only 3 kinds, I need to say my kind. I usually give up faith in that person and move on with my life without them. As a result I have no friends, just people I talk to. Thank goodness for my family even though I hold them at a distance as well even though I love them. I'm kind of a hermit