How To Connect With People If You Have Anxiety

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Charisma on Command

Charisma on Command

Күн бұрын

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We all handle relationships in different ways. One powerful way to understand these differences is through the lens of Attachment Theory. According to psychologists, there are four main “attachment styles” which have a profound effect on our relationships.
In this video, we’ll break down these different styles using some iconic characters, and show how you can use this knowledge to improve your relationships with everyone around you.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:20 - Style #1: Avoidant
3:01 - Style #2: Anxious
6:03 - Style #3: Fearful
9:27 - Style #4: Secure
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#SelfDevelopment #CharismaOnCommand #AttachmentTheory
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Пікірлер: 6 200
@SilverW01f
@SilverW01f 4 жыл бұрын
"...parents who were physically present, but emotionally absent." Ahh. There it is.
@librimix
@librimix 4 жыл бұрын
Time of the video when that's said?
@InconsistentContent
@InconsistentContent 4 жыл бұрын
Same
@Lessenjr
@Lessenjr 4 жыл бұрын
Librimix 2:30 ish
@No_timezone77
@No_timezone77 4 жыл бұрын
Relatable
@louimakesmusic
@louimakesmusic 4 жыл бұрын
oof that hits hard
@minnesotawelit
@minnesotawelit 5 жыл бұрын
Sometimes Anxious people also have hatred for sand
@hexazalea1793
@hexazalea1793 5 жыл бұрын
can you blame them? its corase its iritating and it get everywhere.
@googleuser1225
@googleuser1225 5 жыл бұрын
@@hexazalea1793 ya
@Mr.Voysey
@Mr.Voysey 5 жыл бұрын
MinnesotaWeLit not soft like your skin ✋🏼
@jebes909090
@jebes909090 5 жыл бұрын
I recommend moving to the high ground
@CommandoIvan
@CommandoIvan 5 жыл бұрын
As someone with an anxious attachment, can confirm. Sand sucks
@tysonq7131
@tysonq7131 3 жыл бұрын
Reasons to be jealous of Captain America: [ ] Good looks [ ] Manly physique [ ] Super strength [X] Healthy childhood
@30cal23
@30cal23 3 жыл бұрын
this hit me hard
@Sally-uu3yt
@Sally-uu3yt 3 жыл бұрын
Yo rogers was bullied contantly for his height wtf
@tysonq7131
@tysonq7131 3 жыл бұрын
@@Sally-uu3yt I’m going off the video, I don’t watch Marvel movies.
@hj2479
@hj2479 3 жыл бұрын
@@Sally-uu3yt Yes but he also had bucky to be in his corner. Bucky was a good fighter and a supporting friend and basically a brother to steve. Not everyone has that.
@Maelstrom2077
@Maelstrom2077 3 жыл бұрын
ouch.
@Youbeentagged
@Youbeentagged 3 жыл бұрын
I love how everyone here is either an avoidant or fearful, because the other 2 are busy in their relationships
@MsElinorh
@MsElinorh 3 жыл бұрын
I’m anxious.
@generaldream6206
@generaldream6206 3 жыл бұрын
I don't even know why I'm avoidant but I am... I would say my childhood wasn't missing parents and they were emotionally there but WTH
@AryanSingh-fg3oc
@AryanSingh-fg3oc 3 жыл бұрын
I’m a mix of all of them and also a little crazy
@OMGSHEENA
@OMGSHEENA 3 жыл бұрын
Nah I used to be an anxious but am now much more secure. I'm happily married and watching this while folding laundry 🤣
@missenvi
@missenvi 3 жыл бұрын
anxious!
@Obi-Wan_Kenobi
@Obi-Wan_Kenobi 5 жыл бұрын
I don't have a love style because attachment is against the Jedi Code.
@griever2017
@griever2017 5 жыл бұрын
Yes you do, remember the Mandalore war just after meeting Qui Gon
@Obi-Wan_Kenobi
@Obi-Wan_Kenobi 5 жыл бұрын
@@griever2017 If you are referring to Satine, I am afraid our relationship was greatly exaggerated. To be clear, I was never in love with the Duchess. Love takes time and I only knew her for a bit on Mandalore before I left. Our lives moved in different directions after that. We were friends by that point nothing more.
@prestondoan6893
@prestondoan6893 5 жыл бұрын
Anyone else read it in Obi-Wans voice😂😂
@aadityamurali18
@aadityamurali18 5 жыл бұрын
You seem very attached to the high ground though
@jeffrenjr
@jeffrenjr 5 жыл бұрын
@@aadityamurali18 👏🏽😂
@bajiraosingham9495
@bajiraosingham9495 4 жыл бұрын
I thought I was funny, turns out I'm just avoidant.
@paulbrooks539
@paulbrooks539 4 жыл бұрын
I experienced the same thing while watching this video. Here I was thinking I had a great sense of humor! Turns out, I'm just avoidant.
@morrighanwermarn-arnburg7333
@morrighanwermarn-arnburg7333 4 жыл бұрын
fearful
@yisun1725
@yisun1725 4 жыл бұрын
chandler
@popularloner5282
@popularloner5282 4 жыл бұрын
Facts🤣🤣🤣
@dacrammers2594
@dacrammers2594 4 жыл бұрын
Hahaha you thought wrong!!
@solaire7046
@solaire7046 3 жыл бұрын
I'm a hardcore avoidant since like you said my dad wasn't there emotionally, no one talked to me about girls etc. What i did and am doing which is helping me very much is theatre. It really pushes me out of my comfort zone in every way possible and allowed me to actually not be afraid of what other people think of me and acting really is a great way to practice difficult emotions. I highly recommend this to anyone that sees this comment.
@courtneymalkin1225
@courtneymalkin1225 3 жыл бұрын
I freaking love theatre and It’s my dream but for so many deep fears inside me don’t gives me possibilty to open up , and it’s not only in the large audience but with every single relationship with person
@solaire7046
@solaire7046 3 жыл бұрын
@@courtneymalkin1225 you need to.. You need to just take that first step... I know you can. For any embarrassment that might occur, you'll be ten times prouder of yourself. Things are always going to be challenging, but at least then you'll have gained confidence as your ally. You CAN do it.
@courtneymalkin1225
@courtneymalkin1225 3 жыл бұрын
@@solaire7046 Thank you so much 💜🔆
@dontforget3113
@dontforget3113 3 жыл бұрын
​@@solaire7046 "Things are always going to be challenging." In other words, you will fundamentally never change your attachment style. Just become better at compensating. We are who we are, my friend, and at some point, it's better to own it and play to the strengths of the avoidant - stability in crisis - than to beg for the acceptance from secure types or vow to become better. There are strengths and weaknesses to every attachment type; honestly, that's the main reason I do not agree with the majority of these personality type assessments on youtube. They all insist that if you're not secure, you need to become secure. But I don't think people should try to change in that sense, I think they should learn what type they are and work within the boundaries of that type to become more balanced. If someone else cannot accept you for who you are, it is not worthwhile to make long-term commitments to them in the first place, because no matter how good things may seem, you will always be living an illusion, and one where you constantly accept the short end of the stick to maintain the status quo of another. To change on an essential level how you connect with others is just not realistic. I believe it is actually impossible, or at the least, supremely unhealthy, because these attachment styles are deeply ingrained by upbringing and cannot be revoked without the annihilation of motivation and all self identity. In my opinion, you are setting yourself up for martyrdom with that kind of thinking, which as I'm sure you're aware is a dangerous predisposition of our type. Throwing yourself headlong into the world of the secure, desperately desiring acknowledgment, is not a sure path to growth. Furthermore, and on a more personal note, I do not think you should be so quick to apologize for your essential nature. There are benefits to be had from regulating carefully one's emotions, after all, and this is a truth other types ignore at their own peril. After all, Stoicism is what keeps the world from collapsing in times of crisis. But, like a warrior in times of peace, avoidants in neurotypical settings must bide their time and energy to await tasks worthy of their ability and benefiting of the ones they love. After all, the secure is already secure, the neurotypical is already typical. Let them be. And let's all just take a moment to remember who beat Thanos. Because I think we all know it wasn't Captain America. It was Tony Stark. Much like that fictional hero, whose distance afforded him time and the perspective necessary to overcome a cosmic threat, real life avoidants, with their similar predispositions to distant, calculating observance and sacrificial exertion develop paradoxically but inevitably a deep affinity for the working of emotion and the power to master and guide empathy, in themselves and in others. Above and beyond, by far, the perspective of a secure, indeed, like channeling the Infinity Stones themselves. For, as children born into bliss, the secure type lacks necessary experience to empathize with those survivors who have battled their way up from the dark depths of neglect. Rather than viewing secure types as the standard of transformation, I view them as children in need of protection and guidance. In other words, secure types are who I fight for, but not who I want to be. It is complicated, and avoidants must learn as much as they teach, much as adults must always be humbled by their children. Because the world needs visionaries to secure peace and to create new order, an order in which all types can thrive and grow. And I believe this is a responsibility, more than any other, that falls to the lot of the avoidant. Nevertheless, even as we monitor emotion and keep it under control, without emotion entirely, we cannot build a firm foundation of resolve to do what must be done. One of my favorite quotes from entertainment comes from Kentaro Miura's Berserk: "The power to be with someone and the power to protect them is not always the same thing." I think the primary difference between avoidance and secure types lies in this statement. Secure types would rather be with the ones they love, to provide for them, to make memories with them, to experience life with them. They will fight to defend their circle, of course, but because of their limited perspective, they sometimes lack the necessary detachment to make sacrifices or to see the bigger picture. Avoidants, by contrast, would rather protect the ones they love, even if that means an inability to be with them. Indeed, in many cases, this is precisely the lesson they had modeled to them by their own parents, who sacrificed their time to have and raise them, even if that ultimately meant they were not able to directly invest in them. Why should that sacrifice be frowned on? Should it not be instead passed forward to the next generation? Avoidants can be vigilant watchers, willing to do what needs to be done to see those they love protected, and I think that is a wonderful thing.
@markmessi9020
@markmessi9020 3 жыл бұрын
@@dontforget3113 too long my guy. I'm sure you have a wealth of knowledge on the subject but ppl aren't gonna read that. Thanks for sharing tho
@codingsloth5256
@codingsloth5256 2 жыл бұрын
The "It's not your fault" part made me cry because it reminded me when I finally had someone to just listen to my trauma and not say I'm lying or interrupt me...
@DJHastingsFeverPitch
@DJHastingsFeverPitch 2 жыл бұрын
So true
@jamesklark6562
@jamesklark6562 2 жыл бұрын
I've been feeling that with this new girl I met, but I also got fears that that her interest in me is waning. Every time I suspect it she somehow turns it around, I wish this didn't feel like such an emotional rollercoaster.
@BlancaEstella4837
@BlancaEstella4837 Жыл бұрын
​@@jamesklark6562 what about now ? Was the girl sincère ?
@twixdakat1135
@twixdakat1135 5 жыл бұрын
How poetic ... Tony avoids commitment then builds a suit of armor
@comfortablydoomed6280
@comfortablydoomed6280 5 жыл бұрын
And the Cap’n’s shield...
@twixdakat1135
@twixdakat1135 5 жыл бұрын
It's securely strapped to his wrist LOL
@jaykelley103
@jaykelley103 5 жыл бұрын
Yeah that's actually really fucking good symbolism. Maybe I haven't been giving these marvel movies enough credit
@diegol5802
@diegol5802 5 жыл бұрын
SUPER FISHER LMAO
@PrincessWhatsername
@PrincessWhatsername 5 жыл бұрын
@@saintsfps5348 for real. I always try to explain to people the actual depth of these characters and their stories and interactions if you look past the Disney campiness. Plus, I think a lot of people skipped around on the movies so they never got the FULL picture that comes when you've actually seen them all and in the order of release. I never cared much about comics but I genuinely want to start reading marvel comics becuase I fell so much in love with all the characters.
@billytessio6326
@billytessio6326 5 жыл бұрын
I'm an anxious type... I don't like sand. It's coarse, rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.
@clairemadeinheaven
@clairemadeinheaven 5 жыл бұрын
This is outrageous. It's unfair.
@atom0824
@atom0824 5 жыл бұрын
😂😂
@flowerbunga2590
@flowerbunga2590 5 жыл бұрын
Hi there, i relate to you alot
@mar10ssj1
@mar10ssj1 5 жыл бұрын
Fuck Sand.
@AsmodeusFire
@AsmodeusFire 5 жыл бұрын
OMFG XD
@Taylor-gz4td
@Taylor-gz4td 3 жыл бұрын
Not gonna lie, the “It’s not your fault” hit me harder every time it was said. I literally cried. I guess I’m a Fearful type...but I also feel like I’m an Avoidant type as well.
@FruityHachi
@FruityHachi 3 жыл бұрын
because fearful attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant, a person can definitely be on a scale either leaning more towards anxious or leaning more towards avoidant
@gwenmorrowi3321
@gwenmorrowi3321 3 жыл бұрын
Same
@heikorudiger3258
@heikorudiger3258 2 жыл бұрын
It's like a voice in your head that says: You should know better by now. Don't trust anyone too much ever
@LietSayri
@LietSayri 2 жыл бұрын
I cried too.
@InRainbows287
@InRainbows287 2 жыл бұрын
Yep. I cried at “It’s not your fault”. I did the same when the professional help I sought said the same thing, I’m 100% a Fearful type due to childhood trauma.
@edwardburns3781
@edwardburns3781 3 жыл бұрын
I grew up with a physically absent mother and an emotionally absent father, I've worked on myself and gone from an anxious type to a secure type.
@maplesyrup1805
@maplesyrup1805 3 жыл бұрын
Awesome how
@starRushi
@starRushi 3 жыл бұрын
That’s incredible man. It might mean nothing but a stranger on the Internet is looking at what you just said and hope for the same to happen to them lol.
@monkeydetonation
@monkeydetonation 3 жыл бұрын
how tho
@masonshields8006
@masonshields8006 3 жыл бұрын
For me, it was Jordan Peterson.
@einarasgedraitis4502
@einarasgedraitis4502 3 жыл бұрын
That's the case for me also, it helped forming clear goals of what i want to achieve in my life and pursuing those goals, i used to rely on other people to make me happy but now i know that i am the one who should make myself happy and when you are fully content with yourself and all of the outcomes with a relationship then you can have a healthy relationship you just need to find the right person and it will all workout
@codymcgrew4015
@codymcgrew4015 5 жыл бұрын
“Based on this knowledge, Which attachment style do you think you are??” “Yes”
@darellarocho5729
@darellarocho5729 5 жыл бұрын
xD
@franklinlara1831
@franklinlara1831 5 жыл бұрын
Is there an option for all of the above
@jbaguam80
@jbaguam80 5 жыл бұрын
Majority Secure but with occasional Avoidance. Good video on the topics discussed. Ive adopted a life of self reliance and assigning affirmations to conducting my life style in ways that I choose to excell. Continuosly learning, improvement, accepting loss/failure as normal fair to an eventual success, patience, confidence. Took some time to understand but I understand its a continuos development to becoming fulfilled.
@taurusDIVA1979
@taurusDIVA1979 5 жыл бұрын
lol you COMPLETELY made my morning with this comment....:-D
@michaelrisner5540
@michaelrisner5540 5 жыл бұрын
Cody McGrew I'm anxious, and fearful
@HumansOfVR
@HumansOfVR 5 жыл бұрын
*_The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over. I do animations on personal development stop by if interested_*
@michaeljensen4650
@michaeljensen4650 5 жыл бұрын
Namely Toxic people.
@0815Snickersboy
@0815Snickersboy 5 жыл бұрын
100% agree A lot of people are blaming their past for their present situation
@davidengvall3902
@davidengvall3902 5 жыл бұрын
Deep shit right there
@prinstyrio0
@prinstyrio0 5 жыл бұрын
I never quite realized this a couple of years back, but it's quite true. The friends I've met who's appeared the most destructive and toxic to other people (despite being very nice to me as I've been nice to them), seem to do so when things don't go as they expect it, that they don't have control or get what they want. They get frustrated at things, drink a lot, has depression and gets on the bad side of people, often the topic for behind-the-back gossip. I'm glad I feel I learned early on to never live that way, I came to accept that a lot of attachments I had I couldn't control nor should I. I always preferred being adaptable to rigid and stubborn, as the saying goes "flow like water" and in a way I can welcome change than fear losing the past. There's always bad and good moments, both will come and pass, however small or big they may be, and there's no point in getting stuck chasing happiness nor escaping sadness, both will come and pass, it's best to be content with how things goes and take it from there. Ofcourse you could easily take my words out of context, to see the extreme and bad side in those words, I'm not perfect nor a saint, but I've never had many internal struggles or torments with myself nor felt I've had the same with people around me, which in turn makes me feel better too. I feel there's a merit to that. Being adaptable and bendable doesn't mean you have to be a push over or "wimp", nor that relishing in change means you need to ruin good relationships or get tired of them, as well as it doesn't mean you have to stop striving for happiness or dealing out happinnes. But that's one of the big lessons in life, imo, to find balance within yourself and those around you, take things in moderation and as they come, instead of leaning too much to any extreme or ideal life you think you should have.
@derek9153
@derek9153 5 жыл бұрын
Correct.
@The.Greene.Dragon
@The.Greene.Dragon 3 жыл бұрын
That damned "it's not your fault" scene gets me EVERY TIME!
@joelpugsley3697
@joelpugsley3697 2 жыл бұрын
It’s not your fault
@CeilinggangAditya
@CeilinggangAditya 2 жыл бұрын
It's not your fault -This is gonna turn into a zombie apocalypse at this point-
@phil1921
@phil1921 3 жыл бұрын
I'm definitely a mix of 1 and 2. I have a very hard time forming relationships. The not looking at people in the eyes hits the bullseye for me. But when I do form a relationship I'm constantly worried that I'm doing something wrong and they'll want to leave. It's a lonely life.
@thawindyking2740
@thawindyking2740 3 жыл бұрын
I feel that. I'm probably a mix of 2 and 3 due to pretty much experiencing abandonment throughout my life from father, friends, and past loves so I'm constantly feeling like either they don't truly feel that way about me or like "so when are they gonna inevitably leave me?"
@rey_nemaattori
@rey_nemaattori 3 жыл бұрын
If you're mix of 1 and 2, you're effectively a #3...
@sirpranabR
@sirpranabR 3 жыл бұрын
@@rey_nemaattori good point
@islacasey839
@islacasey839 2 жыл бұрын
I can hardly look my dad in the eye. He's never been emotionally there for me or my family
@HMMadsen
@HMMadsen 4 жыл бұрын
Wait, so Anakin's creepy and obsessive character was intentional? *MINDBLOWN*
@Ziggerath
@Ziggerath 4 жыл бұрын
bandwagon haters would have you believe otherwise but almost everything in the prequels that people hate on was intentional and has a logic consistent with all the characters and lore.
@CheshireCaddington
@CheshireCaddington 4 жыл бұрын
@@Ziggerath I will preach Phantom Menace Binks as the best plot twist we never got until I die.
@sanjayraju988
@sanjayraju988 4 жыл бұрын
Honest trailers
@spongebobsucks12
@spongebobsucks12 4 жыл бұрын
Prequels werent that bad, only the first one.
@valhar2000
@valhar2000 4 жыл бұрын
There had to be a reason he turned into Darth Vader.
@TryoutAnimations
@TryoutAnimations 5 жыл бұрын
Thumbnail: Me: Anakin is my favorite avenger
@1COMODIN9
@1COMODIN9 5 жыл бұрын
@HalaL true...
@zexion378
@zexion378 5 жыл бұрын
haha
@taliajung1553
@taliajung1553 5 жыл бұрын
Fighting to save the world from the greatest enemy of all: Sand
@paulshaw8446
@paulshaw8446 5 жыл бұрын
Godly comment man, Genuinely made me laugh.
@polaroidandroidjeff6383
@polaroidandroidjeff6383 5 жыл бұрын
Me:Yes
@TrashLuvr1234
@TrashLuvr1234 3 жыл бұрын
I’m writing a story and I just realized that an anxious type is is in love with an avoidant wow that’s not going to good
@BarryWillBuck
@BarryWillBuck 3 жыл бұрын
Sounds like my last relationship. I'm slightly anxious but it gets worse with time apart, and she was super avoidant. ...I'm doing myself right at least. I have good hobbies and usually express plenty of individuality.
@finfog4590
@finfog4590 3 жыл бұрын
I’m in this right now.
@theworldofnexttuesday2802
@theworldofnexttuesday2802 3 жыл бұрын
By the descriptions in the video, I'm avoidant to the core. The only relationship I ever really had was with an insanely anxious person. She wound up being incredibly abusive to me to try to keep me around, and I put up with it for much longer than I should have - and that relationship lasted all of 10 weeks, give or take a day. It all started because she approached me, I tried to give her a soft no, and then she came back later putting on this emotional crisis that nothing was going well in her life and she was implicitly going to seriously harm herself if just one thing (me) didn't work out. I caved and gave it a try for HER sake, but after about a week or so the novelty of being in my first actual relationship evaporated and I was backed up into a corner by this psycho who would threaten to hurt herself every other day when she didn't have her way and even in some instances came after me physically. The lack of emotional investment on my part is probably the only reason the relationship didn't end in a nuclear detonation when I finally managed to call the breakup. At that point I was so uninvested in the relationship I had become by and large indifferent to whether she actually followed through on her constant threats. It was basically a week of her throwing a fit and me more or less saying "I don't care, go away." The optics were horrible with her acting completely devastated while I just tried to resume my own life without any drama. I lost a lot of friends, but I immediately stopped caring about anyone who sided with her as well. I've lost the taste for even trying to enter relationships after that. I was clearly not cut out for intimacy even taking the abuse out of the picture. I plan to cruise through the bachelor life for the rest of my days. Not that I have a problem with that, I'm just saying I've found priorities in life other than the biological imperative.
@captainfuture2882
@captainfuture2882 3 жыл бұрын
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 It looks like she damaged you in the process, but maybe it is better than getting into a relationship and getting divorced with a good chance.
@moisesramos6746
@moisesramos6746 3 жыл бұрын
@@theworldofnexttuesday2802 Damn, I can't imagine what that relationship put you through. I think you went about it the best way, though. Setting your priorities straight and leaving that hellhole. Do what you want, work on yourself, and you'll come out confident as hell. Give it time.
@HallieEva
@HallieEva 3 жыл бұрын
One of the pitfalls to being a secure type is that you just are comfortable with both affection but also the absence of the person you feel like whether they're busy or whatever you feel secure but your avoidant or anxiously attached partner they don't feel that way if you're busy or whatever they jump to conclusions.
@zsofiasej
@zsofiasej 3 жыл бұрын
Omg this!!!! Like securely attached types suffer because of the insecurely attached ones. This happens in friendships all the time too.
@cantthinkofaname5046
@cantthinkofaname5046 3 жыл бұрын
True, which is why people should try to be more knowledgeable of these things for their own well-being
@diabolicjackel8905
@diabolicjackel8905 3 жыл бұрын
pretty sure you're right. Working 2 jobs previously to support my driving to see my ex every weekend. So when I was working I wasn't talking as much because ya know, tired. And even tho this was explained a few times she still had the anxious thing going strong. Eventually tells me she is feeling single even tho we are together, so I told her she was then. I was busy at work and cared more for the job (that laid me off not long after) than I did for fixing the relationship. thats the TLDR version lol.
@foyo5497
@foyo5497 2 жыл бұрын
Thats not a pitfall for the secure type, that is a pitfall of the other 3. In life for the most part, how you feel is your responsibility. I fit into the secure type, with a dash of avoidant. If the woman Im with feels uneasy because Im okay when she isnt around(which has happened), then that is HER problem that she has to deal with. Its like if a secure person has to "act" insecure when the other isnt around just to make the other feel better. Thats just being disingenuous to myself. If you are jumping to conclusions, then that is YOUR problem.
@pushkarmahajan2052
@pushkarmahajan2052 2 жыл бұрын
So trueeee
@iisuperstarii7310
@iisuperstarii7310 5 жыл бұрын
The fact that you could make this video with examples of unscripted little behaviours shows how good all these actors were at embodying their characters. And as always: great video! Very informative!
@luzpueblalara4128
@luzpueblalara4128 5 жыл бұрын
Absolutely :v it seems art it's not that worthless after all :D
@timesmight3922
@timesmight3922 5 жыл бұрын
Doesn't look like they acted though
@seigfried3682
@seigfried3682 5 жыл бұрын
More like the writters
@MariahIsolated
@MariahIsolated 5 жыл бұрын
@@seigfried3682 Both
@seigfried3682
@seigfried3682 5 жыл бұрын
@@MariahIsolated nah
@Kenseiblades
@Kenseiblades 5 жыл бұрын
This video really just showed me how skilled of an actor Robert Downey Jr really is.
@BREAKENSTEIN
@BREAKENSTEIN 4 жыл бұрын
and how well all these characters are written.
@Hey-jw3dm
@Hey-jw3dm 4 жыл бұрын
uh huh
@BlargeMan
@BlargeMan 4 жыл бұрын
@@dwzenix7954 no, but he was extremely well written in The Clone Wars
@nicokaine250
@nicokaine250 4 жыл бұрын
robert is a good actor, but he isnt a real skilled actor, tony stark and robert downey jr share the same personality, so thats why robert can act as good as he does when he portrays him, if you see other movies where is he you will notice that his characters share a LOT of characteristics between them, because he always puts some of his real personality on them. and im not saying its bad, but theres actors that can really forget who they are and give their hundred percent to become their character, and thats what a really skilled actor is
@DragoonCenten
@DragoonCenten 4 жыл бұрын
Ivan Cuartas perhaps he isn't pretending
@endm_
@endm_ 3 жыл бұрын
“Tell someone you love them and look them in the eye.” Me: no thank you
@MsElinorh
@MsElinorh 3 жыл бұрын
I love you 😳
@subhradipporel285
@subhradipporel285 3 жыл бұрын
@@MsElinorh I love u too
@generaldream6206
@generaldream6206 3 жыл бұрын
ive been emotionally aviodant with everyone just so I don't have to say that or express any emotion at all
@netecrivernetecassassins2945
@netecrivernetecassassins2945 3 жыл бұрын
@@generaldream6206 👁️💋👁️ I love you
@smcv8365
@smcv8365 3 жыл бұрын
Careful about the expression though, just in case you end up looking confrontational...🤣🤣🤣
@SednovaNova
@SednovaNova 3 жыл бұрын
Rule 101: Never tell a significant other you can't live without them even if you are married. Instant relationship decline incoming.
@samualcalnan4774
@samualcalnan4774 3 жыл бұрын
What are the first 100 rules
@SednovaNova
@SednovaNova 3 жыл бұрын
@@samualcalnan4774 101 reference to the term "beginner or introductory"
@samualcalnan4774
@samualcalnan4774 3 жыл бұрын
@@SednovaNova I know I'm just jokin
@m.a.156
@m.a.156 3 жыл бұрын
It's not unfixable if you said that before
@crazyjoeshorts5256
@crazyjoeshorts5256 3 жыл бұрын
It is ok to say that they complete you, or that they make your life more fulfilled in such a way that they understand they are cherished.But forcing the other party into a position of being the sole source of your happiness is deadly.
@FlamboyantInsomniac
@FlamboyantInsomniac 4 жыл бұрын
Avoidant gang, but like, a casual gang, no need to get wierd about it.
@dr.plague6897
@dr.plague6897 4 жыл бұрын
im avoiding the avoidance gang
@sunleo6161
@sunleo6161 4 жыл бұрын
Avoidant and anxious
@WackadoodleMalarkey
@WackadoodleMalarkey 4 жыл бұрын
What up fam! Cool, cool. Aight ima head out.
@medusabitch4771
@medusabitch4771 4 жыл бұрын
Macho Supremo sup
@zafiruzoma6234
@zafiruzoma6234 4 жыл бұрын
What? Wym don’t be weird!
@rootstone9883
@rootstone9883 5 жыл бұрын
so... avoidant and anxious. Feels discomfort with deep connection but fears the loss of connection. Yup, sounds about right
@JanosGonzales
@JanosGonzales 5 жыл бұрын
A 22 catch
@bouncyoink1234
@bouncyoink1234 5 жыл бұрын
That’s fearful
@lauramaria99999
@lauramaria99999 5 жыл бұрын
I think you mean a catch 22 😂
@__-fm5qv
@__-fm5qv 5 жыл бұрын
Hey I think I'm in this picture, I don't like it...
@natvelo
@natvelo 5 жыл бұрын
same lmao
@MrMinecrafter720
@MrMinecrafter720 3 жыл бұрын
Oh my god I have literally gone through all of these in order throughout my teenage years. I was toxic af as a teen lol
@sootsprite8333
@sootsprite8333 2 жыл бұрын
I’ve found that the reason I dislike hugs is because my parents used to force my siblings and I to “hug it out” after we fought. I would express my feelings and be in an uncomfortable situation but forget my feelings, we had to hug which made the matter even more uncomfortable. Subconsciously my brain was associating hugging with uncomfortability and neglect. That’s why every time I hug somebody it just feels fake, I never received a genuine hug in my childhood. But i’m learning to combat this by slowly including physical touch in deep/intimate moments so I can finally feel that hugging can be a genuine expression of love.
@Toasty_Britches
@Toasty_Britches 2 жыл бұрын
That's a very good awareness and solution, you're doing admirably.
@LilSayo
@LilSayo 4 жыл бұрын
“thankfully the fearful type is extremely rare” *sweating* haha y-yeah very rare
@Aethuviel
@Aethuviel 4 жыл бұрын
He also said 2%, so about 1 in 50.
@Blockheadfun
@Blockheadfun 4 жыл бұрын
Welcome to the party pal!
@starsgalaxy140
@starsgalaxy140 4 жыл бұрын
Hellooo my fellow fearful people!
@thedankmemelord5215
@thedankmemelord5215 4 жыл бұрын
Yea, I think that's why I can't form romantic relationships, and why I never have
@hodgindaylon
@hodgindaylon 4 жыл бұрын
@JT sounds like you don't know much of what any of them are it's hard to follow poorly punctuated and not very accurate especially if you go by the book
@vallrikstone9420
@vallrikstone9420 4 жыл бұрын
The anxious types are afraid of their connections gaining the high ground.
@Roonasaur
@Roonasaur 4 жыл бұрын
/Please don't let this guy be right, Please don't let this guy be right . . ./
@Dinosaurs_with_laser_guns
@Dinosaurs_with_laser_guns 4 жыл бұрын
What do you mean?
@jeanlucdecoster
@jeanlucdecoster 4 жыл бұрын
moon child Star Wars reference 🤣
@evanhayes5891
@evanhayes5891 4 жыл бұрын
After they're severely burned? Of course!
@whispy4027
@whispy4027 4 жыл бұрын
This literally makes no sense
@IslandVibez_Virgo
@IslandVibez_Virgo 3 жыл бұрын
This is so well explored. As someone who is currently in therapy to work through my fearful attachment style, I hv to say that Matt Damon’s performance gave me chills.
@MoarRushPl0x
@MoarRushPl0x 3 жыл бұрын
I became pretty obsessed with someone I hardly knew. It's been 6 years since I've seen her and she is still on my mind daily.
@sharyarc8247
@sharyarc8247 3 жыл бұрын
Wtf Im having the same issue, its so weird
@user-fo2on3dn1c
@user-fo2on3dn1c 3 жыл бұрын
Why cant we all just die already..
@Realivangarcia
@Realivangarcia 3 жыл бұрын
You need to seek closure. I got over her after 8 years since the beginning of highschool. You need to seek her and really just talk to her one last time. Get it all out of your chest, that’ll set you free.
@MoarRushPl0x
@MoarRushPl0x 3 жыл бұрын
​@@Realivangarcia I appreciate your advice and I think you are correct. I have been thinking of what to say to her for awhile now. Thank you for suggesting the healthy thing to do. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with.
@holyromanracist5759
@holyromanracist5759 3 жыл бұрын
Your comment reminds me of myself. I'm sorry if this is a bother, but I have to get this off my chest. I met a girl at a family friend's birthday party once. She's one of the few who showed true interest in me back when I was not confident and insecure(still am to an extent, but hey, I've made serious strides). I was a freshman in highschool, was picked on, and if I wasn't being picked on I was being shunned. This girl was likely slightly older than me as she could drive, and I had just started to think about getting my temporary license. Due to me being an avoidant(might have been a fearful type back then), I couldn't look her in the eyes. Her social advances made me withdraw more into my shell. She didn't leave when I got awkward though. Instead she joined me and my sisters and played foosball and ice hockey with us. When I saw she didn't judge me, I settled in a bit and was able to talk to her, still didn't look her in the eyes much, other than to steal a quick glance here and there. We ended up teaming up against my sisters on foosball. Little mannerisms and awkward interactions still cropped up as we played for a few hours...but she still didn't leave. It was quite obvious she had an interest in me. My sisters, and mother, both commented on it and even the pastor at the church made a comment. It didn't last for long though. Fear started to grip me as we continued to play and eventually when it was time to leave I didn't have the courage to say anything to her. I didn't ask for her number. I didn't ask her name. I didn't ask where she was from. Today, I don't even remember what she looks like, what her voice sounds like, or even her hair color. It doesn't matter really. That's not what I was attracted to. Not the shell. It was *her.* Her kindness was, in my experience, a rare thing. I think she was my soulmate, but maybe I'm just being dramatic. This party happened in the state of Ohio, in a small church with a beaten up white painted gym, and it was about 3-5 years ago. If you're out there and happen to see this, I hope you know I regret everything about that day. I'm still looking for you, and hope I find you some day, even if it's just to talk. I've changed alot. I'm sure you have too. I hope you feel the same way about me, that I feel about you. Sorry for the book, but I feel much better now. TLDR: Hey kind girl, I met 3-5 years ago, I miss you alot.
@MelanieJoules
@MelanieJoules 5 жыл бұрын
secure type = no drama = not good for film/ TV. But great for life! 👍💯
@slash6686
@slash6686 5 жыл бұрын
i was anxious but i frequented some avoidant people in college and step by step i learned to be in the middle, neither anxious, nor avoidant, i became secure and can now stand between the most awful people in my workplace
@Semokada
@Semokada 5 жыл бұрын
@@slash6686 I have an anxious style too, I'm happy to hear about someone's improvement.
@magnelloper
@magnelloper 5 жыл бұрын
It can be good for film as shown by cap. Its harder to pull off, but probably is one of the most interesting character styles when done right also shown by captain america
@placeholder1546
@placeholder1546 5 жыл бұрын
It’s fine because the drama can just come from the other lover.
@Overxpossed
@Overxpossed 3 жыл бұрын
that's because your life is more like a yankee comedy in vhs with white background; i'm more like James Cameron before doing Avatar.
@jarjoevis
@jarjoevis 5 жыл бұрын
Me: Oh i'm for sure avoidant Me: Oh well maybe i'm anxious. Video : Fearful type is the some of the first and second Me: Uh oh
@liighterspoppow5152
@liighterspoppow5152 5 жыл бұрын
Haha just literally did the same thing Oh fuck . Conclusion according to video: seek professional help 😐
@sungod1141
@sungod1141 5 жыл бұрын
Joe Jarvis SAME
@pineapplegirl4535
@pineapplegirl4535 5 жыл бұрын
Joe Jarvis gahhh ik same now I’m scared
@azraelthecasul4882
@azraelthecasul4882 4 жыл бұрын
Well... Shit.
@malvikasaran9454
@malvikasaran9454 4 жыл бұрын
Same. And it’s terrifying.
@benhagstrom2185
@benhagstrom2185 3 жыл бұрын
This is like the 4th video I've see that uses Good Will Hunting as a case study for psychology. I think I need to break down and watch that movie.
@nabinnyc
@nabinnyc 3 жыл бұрын
don't worry. it's not breaking down. it's s truly excellent film. enjoy
@cantthinkofaname5046
@cantthinkofaname5046 3 жыл бұрын
@@nabinnyc they meant analyze its/ study it
@bekb293
@bekb293 2 жыл бұрын
YES IT IS A GREAT MOVIE DO IT
@pearl.8551
@pearl.8551 2 жыл бұрын
It’s been 8 months, how was it?
@benhagstrom2185
@benhagstrom2185 2 жыл бұрын
@@pearl.8551 lmao it's on my to do list
@matthewramroop
@matthewramroop 3 жыл бұрын
This became a therapy session real quick lol
@jorisdeclercq1601
@jorisdeclercq1601 4 жыл бұрын
When you are asking: "Can I be avoidant and anxious at the same time?" Well yes, it is called fearful.
@dorian_tihi5869
@dorian_tihi5869 3 жыл бұрын
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
@dennisjajablubb9984
@dennisjajablubb9984 3 жыл бұрын
Fearful gang 4 life!
@lille2160
@lille2160 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks, I guess I'm fearful (:(:
@datsunlambchops4624
@datsunlambchops4624 3 жыл бұрын
Thats my girlfriend. She is a fearful attachment type. It is very difficult. I was a secure type, went through the anxious type, working my way back to secure. You never know what emotional feed back you will get, from day,to day. 7 years, wow.
@ahnrho
@ahnrho 3 жыл бұрын
Was anticipating that, with some dread.
@mikasasukasa4479
@mikasasukasa4479 3 жыл бұрын
i got really emotional realizing how much "Fearful" resonated with me
@teharthe
@teharthe 3 жыл бұрын
same here bro. Fearful to the bone.
@ceciliafetters7622
@ceciliafetters7622 3 жыл бұрын
**suddenly realizes why I crushed on Steve Rogers more than the leading men of most romance movies**
@cantthinkofaname5046
@cantthinkofaname5046 3 жыл бұрын
EMOTIONAL STABILITY IS HOT
@kubapietrzak7278
@kubapietrzak7278 2 жыл бұрын
That's great. I think it means you developed right
@catholicfemininity2126
@catholicfemininity2126 2 жыл бұрын
I want that, but it's hard to find.
@catholicfemininity2126
@catholicfemininity2126 2 жыл бұрын
a secure man that is
@liz2092
@liz2092 4 жыл бұрын
"Tell someone how much they mean to you and look them in the eye while you do it." Me: *shudders*
@janus9148
@janus9148 4 жыл бұрын
Me: *N O P E*
@user-pj3pf7el1o
@user-pj3pf7el1o 3 жыл бұрын
I just said : n o 👎
@dorian_tihi5869
@dorian_tihi5869 3 жыл бұрын
Whats up everyone. If you are Interested I upload YT Videos where you may be able to learn sth. I owuld appreciate it if you would go and leave some support, maybe even Subscribe. Have a wonderful Day ;)
@earthclad6833
@earthclad6833 3 жыл бұрын
i was cringing when he said that
@commentingisawasteoftime7195
@commentingisawasteoftime7195 3 жыл бұрын
@@dorian_tihi5869 doooooon't
@joostvisser8537
@joostvisser8537 5 жыл бұрын
*describes avoidant* That seems like me *describes anxious* Wait... That also seems like me *describes fearful* Oh for goodness sake
@sak54
@sak54 5 жыл бұрын
describes secure Yeah... that's not me
@elsavillarreal7952
@elsavillarreal7952 5 жыл бұрын
😂😂☠️☠️🤙🏼🤙🏼for real
@SimpleAmadeus
@SimpleAmadeus 5 жыл бұрын
Fearful is a mix of the negative parts of the first two, so that makes sense.
@christinascanlon9677
@christinascanlon9677 5 жыл бұрын
Lol me too
@davidsavage519
@davidsavage519 5 жыл бұрын
Same lmao
@sparkplugrecs.official
@sparkplugrecs.official 3 жыл бұрын
Certainly important to note that "will hunting" was acting out of the fear of abandonment by means to take responsibility for dissociation with intimate connections as a self destructive act, Took me watching that movie dozens of times before I saw that in myself and Gave me a major break through in my healing from childhood traumas.
@Lalabooey
@Lalabooey 3 жыл бұрын
i’m definitely an avoidant. both my parents were always there and we are all very close, but my parents weren’t really affectionate towards my siblings and I so I grew up not liking affection from people. my parents have never told me they love me but i still know they do, they just express it in a different way
@ButiLao44
@ButiLao44 4 жыл бұрын
It's 11pm and I was not ready for this kind of self discovery at this time of day.
@Trptychs
@Trptychs 4 жыл бұрын
Why did I just see this at exactly 11pm
@rinr7052
@rinr7052 4 жыл бұрын
LOL
@hodgindaylon
@hodgindaylon 4 жыл бұрын
Hahah right bro 10pm for me.... Now I can't sleep so more self-deprecating videos it is lol
@forestlily5905
@forestlily5905 4 жыл бұрын
Woah, I just read your comment, looked down at the time, and it's 11pm on the dot, lol.
@cordelephant
@cordelephant 5 жыл бұрын
I'm basically equal parts avoidant and anxious. That's my secret cap, I'm always miserable.
@ivymichelle891
@ivymichelle891 5 жыл бұрын
That's the fearful type, both anxious and avoidant. I have a sick feeling that's what I am too :(
@TheEmperorAs
@TheEmperorAs 5 жыл бұрын
@@ivymichelle891 if you want to do something about it, check out Thais Gibbson or Teal Swan on you Tube
@tenuousmite2350
@tenuousmite2350 5 жыл бұрын
I'm the same but I'm it's not bad enough to be considered a fearful type
@alexkilpatrick6776
@alexkilpatrick6776 5 жыл бұрын
@@ivymichelle891 I feel like I'm 80% avoidant and like 20% anxious. Does this still fall under fearful or just not a perfect of avoidant?
@kristofkovacsRisy
@kristofkovacsRisy 5 жыл бұрын
I'm probably the same. Wait... I should know this from past relationships? -_-
@publicserviceannouncement4777
@publicserviceannouncement4777 3 жыл бұрын
This was THE MOST helpful video I've ever watched about attachment styles because it doesn't just address the issue you also propose solutions. And give examples of what each type of relationship looks like. Thank you!
@kunststof
@kunststof 3 жыл бұрын
The anxious theory just perfectly matched my reality and it explains a lot for me.
@jey7996
@jey7996 5 жыл бұрын
my boy charlie out there fixing my datinglife once again
@spaceaidsman4535
@spaceaidsman4535 4 жыл бұрын
I’m literally tony Stark Without the success
@ap3xls329
@ap3xls329 4 жыл бұрын
toxic mindset, work on fixing that make it a more optimistic one
@thatlampsouce6136
@thatlampsouce6136 4 жыл бұрын
@@ap3xls329 im tony stark without dang it tony stark your evrthing is great
@blackpanther1320
@blackpanther1320 3 жыл бұрын
Me too
@mad_titanthanos
@mad_titanthanos 3 жыл бұрын
@Reinert Zerker Tony Stark is also a fiction genius i.e he doesn't exist.
@xianthegaian4060
@xianthegaian4060 3 жыл бұрын
Then you're Tony Stank 😉. Excelsior
@Tulpen23
@Tulpen23 3 жыл бұрын
Realizing that I had been together with a fearful type for years, one who had no interest working on himself, and that we never had a chance. Thanks for the video - it helps give me clarity and closure.
@joeseatat
@joeseatat 3 жыл бұрын
Wow. I was not expecting this quality of content. That was incredibly informative. I really appreciated that you also included one quick step that someone could take to improve their relationships for each of the categories.
@SeanLunny
@SeanLunny 5 жыл бұрын
The way you were conditioned as a child directly impacts how you love and have relationships
@BakaryD
@BakaryD 5 жыл бұрын
It impacts that and even MORE ! Childhood is so extremely important, that's why good parenthood is very important.
@walkingalive1093
@walkingalive1093 5 жыл бұрын
Any idea how I can find out or read how my childhood could have impacted the way I love? I understand it has an impact but what impact? And based on what?
@LucidNyte
@LucidNyte 5 жыл бұрын
Who Da Fook Is That Guy Start with just getting a general idea of classical conditioning, then you can go on to Attachment Theory and Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development, both are well-established theories in the field of Psychology.
@ptxrant2
@ptxrant2 5 жыл бұрын
Yes I too watched the video
@walkingalive1093
@walkingalive1093 5 жыл бұрын
@@LucidNyte Thank you very much I appreciate it. I will look into those.
@Berengier817
@Berengier817 5 жыл бұрын
TIL: Being secure makes you worthy of wielding mjolnir.
@wendyvasion4828
@wendyvasion4828 5 жыл бұрын
*sigh* yes......yes it does.
@Sigmar_Heldenhammer
@Sigmar_Heldenhammer 3 жыл бұрын
My childhood: *raised by a half sister and a pack of dogs while being neglect by our parents* Also me: “what is love?”
@Some_One_One
@Some_One_One 3 жыл бұрын
Also me: "BABY DON'T HURT ME!
@haiguyse
@haiguyse 3 жыл бұрын
@@Some_One_One no more
@timsickler5125
@timsickler5125 3 жыл бұрын
@@Some_One_One nailed it!
@TorquemadaTwist
@TorquemadaTwist 3 жыл бұрын
@@Some_One_One I thought it then had to see if someone wrote it. You made me laugh.
@MoonshineBeforeSunshine
@MoonshineBeforeSunshine 3 жыл бұрын
Love is that half sister & them pack of dogs. Even if that love ain't there anymore, that was it. If you still have that platonic love with her, glad that you've still got it. As to romantic love, If such a love exists, it's so rare that it's not worth lookin' for; at least, that is for me.
@Lynn-uh4ul
@Lynn-uh4ul 2 жыл бұрын
This is the best video about attachment I've seen so far. You show specific examples which are still relatable to most. And the best thing is that you show easy and practical solutions. You could have added even more! Great job with this.
@kevincorey4406
@kevincorey4406 4 жыл бұрын
Oh, dear. When you’re relating a little too much to Anakin Skywalker, a problem, you have.
@shannenlibres2365
@shannenlibres2365 4 жыл бұрын
They're called "niceguys" or "the crazy ex girlfriend"
@hodgindaylon
@hodgindaylon 4 жыл бұрын
@@shannenlibres2365 I feel like the term nice guy gets consistently misused. Anakin was obviously a people pleaser and hugely insecure.
@shannenlibres2365
@shannenlibres2365 4 жыл бұрын
@@hodgindaylon what would you call him then? At least in my opinion r/niceguys are anxious ambivalents all the way
@crazytidy2426
@crazytidy2426 4 жыл бұрын
@@shannenlibres2365 it definitely leads to being a nice guy but not everyone is. I think these sort of people always put their partner on a pedestal and can't handle it when they can't fit the ideal they made for them. It's like idealization but to varying degrees. I used to approach relationships like this but it's really bad once you start feeling insecure because you think they are perfect. It's not fair to your partner or to yourself.
@FranziskavonKarma
@FranziskavonKarma 4 жыл бұрын
@@shannenlibres2365 I certainly wouldn't call Ani a "nice guy"
@heffthehecked
@heffthehecked 4 жыл бұрын
Bruh why tf did the "It's not your fault" maKe me crY toO
@supersupersomething
@supersupersomething 3 жыл бұрын
Same.
@krishaashar
@krishaashar 3 жыл бұрын
s a m e
@ThePrimith
@ThePrimith 3 жыл бұрын
Did you also identify with the Fearful type, because I sure did. And yeah, I still got the waterworks going.
@Overxpossed
@Overxpossed 3 жыл бұрын
probably because you're too perfeccionist. I felt idientified with that scene but because I'm perfeccionist.
@yuritrasimaco5201
@yuritrasimaco5201 3 жыл бұрын
Because... I T ' S N O T Y O U R F A U L T ! ! !
@reysquadron7820
@reysquadron7820 3 жыл бұрын
I stumbled across one of the Russel Brand videos today and have been binge watching your videos since then. I think you thumbnails are genius - using an actor that fits the video descriptions and a list of dos and/or don't to easily remember. I already made a playlist of all your videos I want to watch. Excellent job!
@annieyu72
@annieyu72 3 жыл бұрын
Fearful and avoidant... Lovely, just what I needed!!
@naru246
@naru246 5 жыл бұрын
*explaining avoidant type * Me : *gasps*
@RoninAquila
@RoninAquila 5 жыл бұрын
Naru that has Mr Sakamoto the talking cat (your avatar) down to a tee! 🙂🐱
@hana.1847
@hana.1847 5 жыл бұрын
me: *avoids eye contact*
@sloop3720
@sloop3720 4 жыл бұрын
The night my brother died when I came to a friend's house, when I started crying I quickly tried to diffuse it with some unrelated joke. I just realized when watching this how severely avoidant that is
@walkingalive1093
@walkingalive1093 4 жыл бұрын
My condolences. I cannot imagine the pain you must have went through. My brothers are everything for me. Without them I am nothing.
@orestispalampougioukis6043
@orestispalampougioukis6043 4 жыл бұрын
@@walkingalive1093 lol. You really had to remind the guy whose brother died, how important the brotherly bond is? :D
@jacobberry5138
@jacobberry5138 4 жыл бұрын
Sorry your Bub died. Cry privately. Like a man.
@ishidacoolp
@ishidacoolp 4 жыл бұрын
Sorry for your loss @Sloop. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.
@cantthinkofaname5046
@cantthinkofaname5046 4 жыл бұрын
Orestis Palampougioukis You just perfectly conveyed an avoidant trait, congrats
@templariclegion2826
@templariclegion2826 3 жыл бұрын
I used to be the anxious type, it's not totally gone, but I had a lot of guidance from people I trusted and I attached myself to quotes and ideas that really helped me to see things differently.
@racaciaruth4460
@racaciaruth4460 3 жыл бұрын
So rare for the secure type. And so true it is just not 💯 as humans interact with other people who can challenge them and push their confidence to certain levels. We must reflect and be mindful of our relationship styles in a relationship to avoid becoming imbalanced or allowing our childhood program to destroy our present relationships. Thank you for such profound insight. 🙏
@denisblack9897
@denisblack9897 4 жыл бұрын
So the current culture laughs at secure types and praises avoidants? rip
@cowboy4378
@cowboy4378 3 жыл бұрын
I know, all those people joking about being an avoidant. I have some of the avoidant traits and I’ve known this for a while. I’m trying my best to change it, not making it my personality.
@Rinoaeris
@Rinoaeris 3 жыл бұрын
This 100%. I don't find it funny at all. I'm a fearful type and would really like to have a proper relationship. Even though I am working on changing it, I'd kill to naturally be a secure type. They're so lucky!
@MsElinorh
@MsElinorh 3 жыл бұрын
And REALLY looks down on anxious types.
@aquilliusranger2137
@aquilliusranger2137 3 жыл бұрын
It usually means that the majority that makes fun of secured people tends to be avoidants to their own selves.
@MsElinorh
@MsElinorh 3 жыл бұрын
@@aquilliusranger2137 they particularly despise anxious attachment types. It’s because they are projecting their own fear of abandonment.
@Spider-Rat77
@Spider-Rat77 5 жыл бұрын
I'm definitely an avoidant. I have trouble even telling my family I love them. Getting into a relationship would just be too hard.
@joreau7507
@joreau7507 5 жыл бұрын
Same. It just feels awkward
@sita487
@sita487 5 жыл бұрын
your sun is probably in virgo, or your venus. yes you probably dont know what the hell im saying but google "venus in virgo"
@jokerzai105
@jokerzai105 4 жыл бұрын
ikr but im Capricorn...
@emmanuelpacheco8765
@emmanuelpacheco8765 4 жыл бұрын
Same i never even told anyone that i loved them, even my own mom
@BakaryD
@BakaryD 4 жыл бұрын
Same
@sasha_nivar
@sasha_nivar 3 жыл бұрын
I am currently learning about Attachment Styles and Theory, your video made it fun clear and entertaining to watch! thank you!
@ImWORTHITINC
@ImWORTHITINC 3 жыл бұрын
I always love how you take avengers and other amazing movies or shows and use it for psychology!!!! It's like you can articulate the stuff I already know SO WELL!!!. you're my voice! Love it Charlie! TY!!
@Ella_Tetsuya
@Ella_Tetsuya 5 жыл бұрын
*Stares at thumbnail* "I am... Iron Man."
@Hi-vf9wx
@Hi-vf9wx 5 жыл бұрын
😂😭
@TheKvltSith
@TheKvltSith 5 жыл бұрын
I am the Senate
@sighofrelief3466
@sighofrelief3466 5 жыл бұрын
@@TheKvltSith No you WERE the senate
@jairtrail4921
@jairtrail4921 5 жыл бұрын
Literally
@exodusgod3505
@exodusgod3505 5 жыл бұрын
@@sighofrelief3466 HE IS THE SENATE AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE THE SENATE!!!
@lim3400
@lim3400 5 жыл бұрын
Me: I’m totally an avoidant. Video: *describes fearful type* Me: .....dammit.
@Katya_Lastochka
@Katya_Lastochka 5 жыл бұрын
Wooh! %2. You're special.
@lim3400
@lim3400 5 жыл бұрын
Pardon me, thanks mom 💜
@breadfan_85
@breadfan_85 5 жыл бұрын
Same lol
@onawal931
@onawal931 5 жыл бұрын
...same
@breadfan_85
@breadfan_85 5 жыл бұрын
@@Katya_Lastochka well, not really, if the "secure" type (AKA: "normal" people) is even more rare. Although if that's the case, then they're not really "normal" are they? That means the rest of us (the fucked up ones) are the norm! OMG I'm normal! Finally!
@johndehaan2764
@johndehaan2764 3 жыл бұрын
This is really well presented, well characterised, on point and very practical. Great Vlog.
@nWoPaullywood
@nWoPaullywood 2 жыл бұрын
maybe one of the most helpful videos Ive encountered on youtube. thankyou
@victorym744
@victorym744 4 жыл бұрын
This made me get over a breakup. I couldn't rationalize my partner's behavior. They both craved and feared attachment and that confused me to no end.
@Debba_Iptum
@Debba_Iptum 3 жыл бұрын
craved and feared attachment....sound like me....it may not mean much from a stranger but i feel sorry for the pain it caused you bieng with such a person and i hope your next relationship is less confussing
@piggypoo
@piggypoo 5 жыл бұрын
The nightmare when an anxious type falls in love with an avoidant type.
@sobreaver
@sobreaver 5 жыл бұрын
Now your talking, life is the sauce of all those chemical elements. Living it doesn't always feels great. But when we need to grow out of ourselves, life happens ;) Enjoy while you still can !
@ArtamStudio
@ArtamStudio 4 жыл бұрын
oh hell yes.
@Ambear_
@Ambear_ 4 жыл бұрын
I'm the anxious type...all my best friends are avoidant. They left me and it broke me
@aapp776
@aapp776 4 жыл бұрын
Hell yeah damn it
@mariobros7834
@mariobros7834 4 жыл бұрын
I think that I am avoidant and all my girlfriends were anxious hahaha But I can say anxious are nightmares for everyone, especially themselves. Hot mess.
@muhdyasierazmee637
@muhdyasierazmee637 3 жыл бұрын
A friend of mine (let's call him Z) had all these mentioned traits when he was young. He was Tony Stark. His parents (especially father) was there everytime but would abuse him emotionally. His father wanted so much attention from him because he too was abandoned when he was a child. It came to the point where his father was putting his happiness on my friend, Z. And because of the treatment he got, he became avoidant. He didn't know how to socialize well. An introvert I'd say. He too was Anakin and Nebula. Had a broken relationship and he always got dumped because of his neediness. He wasn't secure of himself. And now, after going through hardship and learn about himself on a deeper level on why he did what he did and why he became avoidant, anxious and fearful, he now knows how to be a better man. One of it is by watching your videos. Now I'd say that he is a secure man. He is basically Cap now. He doesn't afraid of losing people be it friends, romantic relationship and so on and so forth. He doesn't put his happiness on anybody and doesn't need that much validation from people. I learn that when you really have the intention to become a better person, you will get there one day. You'll experience a lot of failure during the process but don't ever give up.
@brothermathius9506
@brothermathius9506 3 жыл бұрын
I was anxious type snd sorta fearful, though i never got violent and I'm glad that earlier this year I learned to get a hobby. It helped me so much
@DieWattefee
@DieWattefee 5 жыл бұрын
I cried so hard during the Will Hunting therapy scene... damn it, i need it too.
@exnihilonihilfit6316
@exnihilonihilfit6316 5 жыл бұрын
Have you watched "In Treatment"?
@ScuffedLife
@ScuffedLife 5 жыл бұрын
It's not your fault!
@OdinPlays94
@OdinPlays94 4 жыл бұрын
Watch Trash Humpers. Same director as Good Will Hunting
@childhoodisthatyou9869
@childhoodisthatyou9869 4 жыл бұрын
Its a great movie
@sakhilepadi3501
@sakhilepadi3501 4 жыл бұрын
Oh my goodness. I watched the movie after being fired. I was back home, unemployed and depressed. First time I cried while watching a movie. It definitely struck a nerve.
@bermymon99
@bermymon99 5 жыл бұрын
I never saw Good Will Hunting but holy crap this was a powerful performance 8:21
@jasonirwin4631
@jasonirwin4631 5 жыл бұрын
"Holy carp that was a powerful preformance" is basically how all of good will hunting plays out.
@r.a.fraley1616
@r.a.fraley1616 5 жыл бұрын
I found that part of the video uncomfortable to watch
@hikiwii23
@hikiwii23 5 жыл бұрын
Take some time to watch it. Good Will Hunting is a phenomenal movie. 👍🏻
@ampz1466
@ampz1466 5 жыл бұрын
@@r.a.fraley1616 lol. Yup you definitely avoidant.
@singingstars5006
@singingstars5006 5 жыл бұрын
The movie is very powerful!
@stevena3333
@stevena3333 3 жыл бұрын
This is nice. I think most people go through different stages of this as we age. Learning about what one might be doing wrong is the first step to improvement.
@caseywilliams142
@caseywilliams142 Жыл бұрын
My husband and I have been watching your videos for years, and now I've been assigned to watch this video by my Interpersonal Communications professor!
@angrysealion2259
@angrysealion2259 5 жыл бұрын
I feel like I'm somewhere between secure and anxious. I used to be way more of the anxious type, but after I drove a close friend away, I realized how over the top I was being. kinda like how this video said, I got my own hobbies and started making my own happiness and I became more self reliant and less dependant on others for my happiness. after I changed like this, I actually reconnected with that friend and now we're close again, but the friendship is much healthier than before. if you're like the anxious type, try to work on yourself, find a hobby, find happiness for yourself because you deserve it. finding confidence will help you so much, I promise
@carterkimes2860
@carterkimes2860 5 жыл бұрын
I had to go through a similar discovery to get to where I am now. I’m glad I’m here, and I know the journey isn’t over yet.
@lucashamrock817
@lucashamrock817 5 жыл бұрын
I definitely feel you. I am the same way. I have a lot of anxious tendencies and that disrupted my first relationship. Still working on the whole independent thing. I'm young and I'll get there with time. Best wishes to everyone who reads this and I believe you all can overcome anything you set your mind to
@liamg9334
@liamg9334 5 жыл бұрын
You must also hate sand right?
@she_is_zoe
@she_is_zoe 5 жыл бұрын
Awwwe, true. You've got to deliberately choose to change. 😍👌
@angrysealion2259
@angrysealion2259 5 жыл бұрын
@@liamg9334 yeah... I don't like sand... it's coarse and it's rough and it's irritating and it gets everywhere
@Tarodenaro
@Tarodenaro 5 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, i don't have the higher ground in relationships.
@asherpikesgoldenmoralcinem5770
@asherpikesgoldenmoralcinem5770 5 жыл бұрын
Tarodenaro u probs wish u were obi high ground kenobi then
@1993greeksoldier
@1993greeksoldier 5 жыл бұрын
If you feel you're not doing well as a romantic partner I'd recommend continuing to study on how to be a better partner and reflect on what specifically prevents you from filling that role
@Boomblox5896
@Boomblox5896 5 жыл бұрын
@@1993greeksoldier This guy was just making a Star Wars meme.
@sobreaver
@sobreaver 5 жыл бұрын
I personally have always preferred to be under XD
@furyberserk
@furyberserk 4 жыл бұрын
@@1993greeksoldier I think this comment was worthless. It's inherent to do so, but also gives nothing to help even as a starter.
@queserasera87
@queserasera87 3 жыл бұрын
Extremely well done video on attachment theory!!! Thank you for this.
@Develpup
@Develpup 2 жыл бұрын
Being with a fearful type has been beyond stressful and emotionally draining. Sought this video out for guidance.
@Thatothergamer01
@Thatothergamer01 5 жыл бұрын
Just learned I'm anxious thanks to you. So please don't stop uploading or I'll kms
@Jesszicar
@Jesszicar 5 жыл бұрын
the best comment
@MsBettyRubble
@MsBettyRubble 5 жыл бұрын
Don't worry. More videos are coming. Your anxiety can fade away. Have you considered making videos? You can release them privately for your eyes only.
@KuhdieBoii
@KuhdieBoii 5 жыл бұрын
#metoo
@pear1ycur1y83
@pear1ycur1y83 4 жыл бұрын
Btw is your name Carlos ?
@brink442
@brink442 4 жыл бұрын
Can you spot the Avoidants in these reply comments?
@DrDeathpwnsu
@DrDeathpwnsu 5 жыл бұрын
Video: Barely begins to explains the first one... Me: Ding ding ding! We have a winner...
@ballislife9924
@ballislife9924 5 жыл бұрын
Same. I'm generally acting really similar to Tony.
@DrDeathpwnsu
@DrDeathpwnsu 5 жыл бұрын
@@ballislife9924 We like to think we're like Tony Stark. In reality we probably come across as more Squidward Tentacles.
@nickyfandino8529
@nickyfandino8529 5 жыл бұрын
@@DrDeathpwnsu And truer word will never be spoken
@ballislife9924
@ballislife9924 5 жыл бұрын
@@DrDeathpwnsu That's probably true
@ht.6315
@ht.6315 5 жыл бұрын
@@DrDeathpwnsu i'm only like tony in all of the fucked up aspects
@judeannethecandorchannel2153
@judeannethecandorchannel2153 3 жыл бұрын
I'm really liking this channel. I think I'm 45% anxious, 25% secure, 20 fearful, and 10% avoidant, approximately.
@10minutesermons43
@10minutesermons43 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you for such a clear breakdown. It really changed how I view Good Will Hunting. I knew there were levels of depth that I did not understand while watching and this video helped me to understand more what the characters were portraying. It also hit me personally and made me really think about some things with relationships in my life. Once again, Thank You.
@cardinal8200
@cardinal8200 5 жыл бұрын
Me watching avoidant type: oh, I relate quite a bit to that, guess everyone has a bit of every type *proceeds to not relate to other types* Me: oh no
@Hey-jw3dm
@Hey-jw3dm 4 жыл бұрын
l o l
@derozerr4856
@derozerr4856 4 жыл бұрын
Same here
@binboda
@binboda 4 жыл бұрын
*Confirmed:* Captain America is the perfect boyfriend (but we knew that already)
@nickschneider774
@nickschneider774 3 жыл бұрын
I really loved this video. Thanks man!
@robelbelay4065
@robelbelay4065 2 жыл бұрын
Excellent Video :) much better than a lot of the others about this topic. Great job!
@sanjaypatel14
@sanjaypatel14 5 жыл бұрын
1 - Avoidant: 0:21 2 - Anxious: 3:01 3 - Fearful: 6:03 4 - Secure: 9:28
@ghostsquadss6738
@ghostsquadss6738 5 жыл бұрын
make this top comment
@lemonyxsugar6998
@lemonyxsugar6998 4 жыл бұрын
I'm definitely avoidant... whenever my boyfriend tells me he loves me I literally have to take a big breath before I say it back, thing is I do love him, I'm just scared it won't end well
@tigerssjaw
@tigerssjaw 4 жыл бұрын
that means your anxious (pre-occupied attachment), you want and enjoy closeness but worry that your partner will discover flaws and faults.
@jakeoswald8017
@jakeoswald8017 4 жыл бұрын
Sara Benavides or they’re avoidant, avoidant act in similar ways. I’m anxious and I have no problem saying I love someone because I believe it makes the connection stronger and lessens the chance of it dissipating
@jakeoswald8017
@jakeoswald8017 4 жыл бұрын
Sara Benavides my girlfriend is avoidant and had a super hard time saying she loved me despite knowing she loves me lots
@ButiLao44
@ButiLao44 3 жыл бұрын
I only told people that I loved them a handful of times. Most of them was my host mom when I lived abroad because she unlike my parents was emotionally present, once was during this time abroad when I texted my parents that I love them (they did not reply so I never did it again) and once was to my friend group when I was extremely drunk. So what does that say about me haha...
@cowboy4378
@cowboy4378 3 жыл бұрын
Nice
@xenonninonexen1483
@xenonninonexen1483 2 жыл бұрын
thanks to this now i understand more about my self. I've been called crazy my entire life and also think I am but seems like im just a fearful one even not intentionally i always keep on destroying my beloved relations and distance my self from the things I want the most
@brianmartin1139
@brianmartin1139 2 жыл бұрын
the depth of these videos amazes me. I am definitely 1 and 2 but working on being 4.
@Wimbell93
@Wimbell93 5 жыл бұрын
Kind of impressed that Lucas nailed the portrayal of the anxious attachment type. I don't think he ever got credit for that.
@jlupus8804
@jlupus8804 5 жыл бұрын
Anakin’s development as a character is one of the few things the prequels did right.
@k.c.8722
@k.c.8722 5 жыл бұрын
I guess we just didn’t want to root or feel sorry for a guy like that. Or we thought the great Darth Vader was too macho badass for such an arc
@luzpueblalara4128
@luzpueblalara4128 5 жыл бұрын
From the point of view of a drama it's actually great
@loor4753
@loor4753 5 жыл бұрын
Luz Puebla Lara Force awakens and the last Jedi were so bad now people think the prequels were good
@luzpueblalara4128
@luzpueblalara4128 5 жыл бұрын
@@loor4753 I don't really care about the Star Wars saga... I just like the actor and I saw some of his movies
@CrazyCircles1
@CrazyCircles1 5 жыл бұрын
I'm the avoidant 1000%. Showing deep emotions to someone I care about is like climbing Mount Everest with no equipment.
@xxllx86
@xxllx86 3 жыл бұрын
The Basics of Freud I guess, but still very good explained! Watching your videos not as a way of simply manipulating others or yourself, but rather as a self-check to learn more about yourself and improving your self-perception. Thanks a lot and great work!
@JeffAndresWilliams
@JeffAndresWilliams 3 жыл бұрын
"Anxious is the inverse of avoidant" uuuhhh, but I'm both. Help, I'm confused and afraid! "Fearful combines traits of anxious and avoidant types" Oh thank God, that explains it.
@CamInAHat
@CamInAHat 5 жыл бұрын
*gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind. *gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind. *gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind. *gasp* That's me!!...oh, wait, never mind.
@purplepepper2503
@purplepepper2503 5 жыл бұрын
Right? Like, which one are we? XD
@ghostdream4274
@ghostdream4274 5 жыл бұрын
What my feel like for every videos from him
@TheTwinkiefoot
@TheTwinkiefoot 5 жыл бұрын
I think the labels are incredibly fluid. I felt like I had traits of 3 of the 4
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