4 Signs You Experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect

Рет қаралды 12,773

Күн бұрын

Did your parents emotionally neglect you?
Child emotional neglect is a form of child abuse. It is when a parent consistently fails to respond to the child's emotional needs. In this video, I share 4 signs of emotional neglect in childhood. It's important to note that these signs can manifest differently in individuals. The way someone responds to emotional neglect can vary widely based on their unique experiences. However, recognising these signs can be a crucial step towards healing.
We all have 3 core emotional needs. As children, we depend on our primary caregivers to meet these needs. How well they do so teaches us how to meet them for ourselves as we become adults.
Emotional neglect can happen when a parent is unavailable and unresponsive to the child's feelings. Examples of childhood emotional neglect can include a parent that withholds or does not show affection, doesn’t offer emotional support and disregards a child’s mental well-being.
Over time, the emotionally neglected child learns that their needs are not important. As a result, they stop seeking emotional support from their parents as they have learnt that they will only reject their emotions. So this leads to the child feeling overwhelmed and unsure of what to do with their emotions.
If we are not allowed to feel and process our emotions, they don’t just go away. We disconnect. One of the ways we disconnect is we go into our mind. We retreat into our mind and we lose our ability to be present in the moment.
0:00 Intro
0:13 What is childhood emotional neglect
1:14 Signs of childhood emotional neglect
Subscribe and click the 🔔 to make sure you never miss a video!
Follow Alex for more:
Website: www.alexhoward.com
Instagram: alexhowardtherapy
Facebook: alexhowardtherapy/
Content is produced by Oliver Halls (Instagram: @oliver.halls) and Jeremiah Fernandes (Instagram: @jeremiah.fernandes).

Пікірлер: 82

@AlexHowardTherapy 6 ай бұрын

How do you notice the impacts of childhood emotional neglect in your life playing out in your adult life?

@ren278 6 ай бұрын

I’m inflexible and don’t take risks. For most of my younger life I craved validation because I felt so insecure. I have trouble identifying with myself, I don’t know who I am because I wasn’t praised, my parents put their own feelings first. I was a bystander in my own upbringing. Trying to reconcile later in life has been extremely difficult, unlearning a lifetime of neglect.

@whoami1654 5 ай бұрын

I have all of these. And no idea how to change it. I've struggled with Codependency, food, love addiction all my life

@markhemming1423 3 ай бұрын

I talk too fast, I avoid doing activities where I may make a mistake and be judged. I pick my fingernails.

@jacquelinekemp4074 Ай бұрын

go to a therapist huge topic

@irinaivanovic9792 Ай бұрын

@@whoami1654Same here

@margaretcollins5262 3 ай бұрын

I cannot ever remember feeling safe or loved as a child.

@dovydas4483 Ай бұрын

Neither, but maybe its cause I dont have any memories as a young kid like you do?

@lb6253 15 күн бұрын

I can appreciate that.

@tombstonevulturecommand 10 күн бұрын

i too don't have early memories and couldn't describe happiness other than a fleeting feeling from a taste when starving or cold breeze on a hot day

@evelinel.9827 6 ай бұрын

Emotional neglect resulted in depression starting at age 13, which I had on and off for decades, then got Fibro and CFS which was reversed by top down regulations working with thoughts and beliefs and learning to have a quiet mind and be present, but more imporantantly the bottom up regulation work of learning how to be in my body and feel all the emotions in the body. I just wish I learned the somatic work from the over 10 therapists I saw over many years.

@amandachristie7886 6 ай бұрын

Yes, I too have been to therapists for nearly 30 years-I am 57 now... Finally I have found a lady who is amazing.... I do have cptsd and ADHD too... I am so pleased you have found a way to be at peace.. God bless xxx

@annonescio202 16 күн бұрын

Yes, depressed as a child. Suicidal thoughts at 11. Always tired, last year diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Had several rounds of psychological help. No one diagnosed me with this, so noting worked. Had to figure it out myself. Now 55 😢 going to a Christian counselor now. Bless you all!

@sonjasanderson663 5 ай бұрын

Addiction, low-self esteem, depression and anxiety.

@E4439Qv5 23 күн бұрын

^thanks mom

@ren278 6 ай бұрын

Ive experienced all except ‘addiction’. I like to control my world to feel a sense of safety. Addiction to me is something that is out of control. Years of hyper vigilance and keeping myself safe has led to years of anxiety and fear of the world, I’m always ready to defend myself, which has led to burnout and breakdown. I go into robot mode and become numb, with the foresight ‘throw anything at me and it’ll bounce off’ almost not recognising my own limits and boundaries of what I should/shouldn’t tolerate. Emotional childhood neglect has also had a profound impact on my body, I’m plagued with inflammatory conditions and deregulated nervous system.

@chanibanny 6 ай бұрын

Sometimes we can become addicted to control or to things or behaviors that make us feel safe. The definition of an addiction is anything we can't stop or control willingly. I think the question I would ask myself if I were in your shoes is whether I could let go of that need of control? What would happen to me if I didn't feel the need to control myself or my environment? Sometimes the biggest addicts never smoked or drank. Sometimes the need to control spirals out of hand and can't be stopped. I'm not saying you're addicted, just worth thinking about❤

@DiamondMind630 4 ай бұрын

Carnivore diet may help it drastically reduces inflammation in the body

@AndrewBlast5150 26 күн бұрын

HUGE THANK YOU to everyone that just posts the 4 signs without all the fluff talk. I heart you all.

@angelinaaihara2977 6 ай бұрын

I'm 72 years of age. I am diagnosed with major depression which I have suffered since I was 18 years old. It is now that I am retired realize I cannot really enjoy the time I have for myself. Joy in life and all the positive feelings that come with this is not a usual part of my life. It is hard for me to identify my feelings for me to try to understand them. My family are confused and they tell me constantly that I am loved. I found the therapist I need to be with and I am now understanding my life patterns and how my childhood trauma contributed. Healing is in the works while my physical health is also improving. I've been watching your videos and find them very helpful. Thank you.

@ghettovibez4850 2 ай бұрын

I'm turning 23...... I hope you find peace in this life of time. Sending love to you ❤️

@praisempanza386 3 ай бұрын

I'm 27 years old but it's too late for me and this fits my life perfectly and it's crazy how the people who caused this are judging me on how i turned out

@caseya5521 Ай бұрын

It's never too late. I learned to love myself and give myself all the things my parents should have. I was 47 when I learned to do that. I'm very happy now with the way I'm raising myself.

@sassylassy365 19 күн бұрын

It's never too late. I'm 56 and undergoing therapy to help with childhood emotional neglect and it is working. Please don't give up.

@leonardcasteel6617 Ай бұрын

I have had #2,3 4 since I was eleven. Now, at 74, I am experiencing #1.When your parents are given the chance to get you in therapy and prefer to get rid of you, you learn they do not care.

@GodHelpMe369 6 ай бұрын

When there’s a disagreement, someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me. So I engage in any and every disagreement in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, never ends up being me! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose a part of myself. Radical honestly only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways.

@user-xf2he9sy8e 6 ай бұрын

Hi Alex Everything you mentioned in this video hits home for me. My thoughts usually race & I find it hard to regulate my emotions. I find it so hard to meet my own needs. So for me the world is such a scary place to live. Growing up I've always felt that I had to earn love by the things I did for my mother & other people in my life. I am as a result of my trauma finding it difficult to carve out a life of my own. I really appreciate your content on this matter. Keep up the good work. Thanks Bro.

@kitchencountertalk9115 2 ай бұрын

I was always told by parents that they loved me…but my boundary needs and safety needs weren’t met or when they were met, then they weren’t respected. I knew I was loved by hearing it all the time…but never felt loved. I never felt respected & I never felt safe. I suffered with an Addiction in my 30s. Low Self worth throughout my teens and 20s.

@nancyliu577 12 күн бұрын

I am over weight because of my emotional eating. Very hard to control.

@catherineb7930 6 ай бұрын

Alex, good stuff. Can relate to all of it at some level

@richardH20958 6 ай бұрын

Thank you Alex for another insightful video. I am gradually dismantling my stoic attitude towards life, which resulted from patterns adopted in childhood, which included some neglect. It wasn't 100% neglect; however I was told to not express feelings (don't be a crybaby, take that hangdog look off your face) which led to acting like a numb automaton. By the time I left the family at 17 these patterns unfortunately had become my modus operandi. Now I get to explore feeling and expressing myself, and trying new behavior patterns. Appreciate the wisdom and advice in your videos.

@sandraallenlovelace5146 6 ай бұрын

Thanks, Alex. Always valuable.

@ericajennings2085 6 ай бұрын

3 of these I can relate to… I have never heard it explained exactly this way… this is very helpful. Thank you

@ioanacristinabratescumusca7412 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for the video! A low self-esteem triggers at least one of the other three, for me. Because it causes a sense of untrust in the reality of the body signals, thus delaying an immediate action needed to be followed through.

@Polina-hn7hu 6 ай бұрын

Alex u say, it doesnt mean they didnt love you. But the thing is i didnt feel loved due to their capacity or incapacity to convey that love. If their way of living was distorted and worped its hard to credit them for loving you, if that love was literally harming you.

@jeanniecampbell1374 6 ай бұрын

Spot on !

@TriciaBooth 8 күн бұрын

I have three of the four problems. I haven't had addictions to substances, but I think the equivalent for me is obsessiveness with cleaning, organising, collecting, etc. I definitely do suffer from anxiety and depression, and constantly feel threatened for no reason.

@eileenmcdonnell1821 16 күн бұрын

No safety.. no boundaries.. great video..as a teacher beat me no notice taken❤

@jennifertavares1032 6 ай бұрын

Alex, I love your work and your books...

@user-wu9de2cd9r 16 күн бұрын

All of the above. My parents loved me but were devastated by the loss of my brother through leukaemia he was sis I was seven. They could not give more than they did but without this tragedy it would have been ok. At five I remember thinking if your parents can’t live your nobody can.

@lynettefisher7810 2 ай бұрын

All signs & symptoms fit me. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. As a child, I was not free to say yes or no. Knew my whole life my mothers love was completely conditional. Being an HSP totally magnified CEN. Thanks again!

@JennaIaremchuk 14 күн бұрын

All four signs; the needs of boundaries, safety, and love weren't met because of the physical abuse. I don't know how it is to be loved for who I am without deserving it, there's a constant feeling of not being enough, but I'm about to overcome this cycle.

@DiamondMind630 4 ай бұрын

Hey Alex you just nailed it there brother

@sunlight6934 6 күн бұрын

Depression, Anxiety as a result of lack from love and security.

@user-ng8dm4jx8k 5 ай бұрын

I'm 17 years old and I never felt loved or cares for or anything by anyone. I started cutting myself 3 days ago so I could feel something. Sometimes I fantasize about lashing out at my family for constantly hurting me yet I find myself choking up.

@princemeena4732 4 ай бұрын

I can understand how that feels. I had the most weird coping mechanism in the world, to be honest i still have it. But I'm better now , far better. You should check dr joe disepnza work, it has healed millions of people and i do it myself. And the knowledge is free so you don't have to worry if im a fraud. Take care of yourself bro. ❤

@sophiacalon3463 4 ай бұрын

I know me saying this wont change anything, but stop. Ive been there. From 14-16 I’ve done the same, then I’ve gone from alchohol on and off and weed until i hit 17. Im now 19 and am full on alcoholic. Cutting gets you a small feeling of relief and of retribution. I truly do not think this is emotional neglect on your parents, but i think youre the one not allowing yourself to feel. Starting destructive behaviours at 17, it sounds more like you need to find ways to actually process all your emotions. Not trying to make you feel unheard, but starting stuff at 17 is more likely to be an onset of another disorder than being an abuse response. Still sending lots of love. This sounds like you need to feel loved and validated which is why you think you relate tp the disorder, but understand its at an obsessive level. I think you really need a good psychologist and psychiatrist to figure out why at 17 youre starting to act up.

@katelocke4288 6 ай бұрын

I recognise signs 2,3 and 4

@cybergproductions589 6 ай бұрын

4 for 4 baby!

@user-je6lh2tm8f 20 күн бұрын

As a 65 yr old woman with all 4 it is still tormenting me into old age. Obesity is stopping me have surgery for spinal stenosis, so I’m becoming less mobile, I’ll end up in a wheelchair

@Joshualuv13 5 ай бұрын

I actually have all of it, unfortunately. I'm now 61, and it's been an ongoing challenge .

@raya861 2 ай бұрын

i don’t really have addiction to substances because my childhood trauma is partly caused by my parents’ addiction. (but when i’m depressed, i tend to start eating a lot to satisfy my emotional needs

@annonescio202 16 күн бұрын

All of them!

@banandababa 28 күн бұрын

I experience all the signs except anxiety. I do feel very safe and thankfully don’t have anxiety but the rest… sigh yep I got them

@LouiseAnnDitchburnLou 8 күн бұрын

All 4 signs are active in my life.

@tombstonevulturecommand 10 күн бұрын

i experienced all the emotional side missing. but also, what if someone, a man, is judged by everyone in society that tgey interact eith as, literally worthless

@EnikoBarna-nm1rc 6 ай бұрын

All of them.

@mwangingatia3855 14 күн бұрын

All of them they have affected me bigtime

@nancyliu577 12 күн бұрын

I 've got all 4 of them. I only feel safe when I am alone. I am on med for 2 of them, and I can not really relax.

@Liza0868 6 ай бұрын

Anxiety.

@donnaridge2684 6 ай бұрын

Low self esteem

@christinebraun4426 Ай бұрын

I have all 4, I am 60 years old and there IS also rage,

@knowledgeseeker2720 25 күн бұрын

All of them! My mother did an absolute whack job on me.

@suzanneadamson1306 Ай бұрын

Until what age are these things most important? Is this early childhood you're talking about or all the way thru teens?

@dianeetchells9963 3 ай бұрын

All of them

@carmelquarney157 6 ай бұрын

Doing my thesis on crying in psychotherapy... and the attachment/cry response. is this too broad?

@evelinel.9827 6 ай бұрын

Learning to cry and feel emotions has been critical on my journey (now fully recovered from depression and 95% recovered from Fibromyalgia). Crying and learning to let go is an essential skill to have (I say skill as I was so emotionally repressed I never cried and had to relearn) as in life we are continuously having loss and having to let things and people go until the final letting go!

@lindacarrera6453 6 ай бұрын

What a wonderful and important thesis topic! I don't think it is too broad to start with. You will find the focal point in the exploration. Wishing you the best!

@Es24688 Ай бұрын

I think you missed one which is poor social skills, unless you’d put that under anxiety or self-esteem. I’ve noticed that the people I know who are most socially confident are those with loving and engaged parents. Obviously correlation is not causation though.

@sonalijoshi1370 5 ай бұрын

Anxiety

@lucyalanna8074 2 ай бұрын

2 and 3

@nicolameredith3668 4 ай бұрын

1 and 2

@nicolameredith3668 6 ай бұрын

@hdr2540 10 күн бұрын

Addiction (to porn), check. Anxiety, check. Depression, check. Low self esteem, check. And now they dare mad at me for refusing to get married, since I know I don't have what it requires emotionally to start my own family and give them grandchildren. Such is life of the eldest son of an Asian family 😅😅😅

@sophiacalon3463 4 ай бұрын

You dont need a KZfaq video to know if you actually went through it.

@sfisabbt 2 ай бұрын

BINGO! Oh shit.

@tavaresofficial_ 4 ай бұрын

👹

@lisa3666 27 күн бұрын

Speak faster please

@johnerd 2 ай бұрын

Way too scripted and rehearsed. Not nice.

@praisempanza386 3 ай бұрын

I'm 27 years old but it's too late for me and this fits my life perfectly and it's crazy how the people who caused this are judging me on how i turned out

@mondoseguendo6113 2 ай бұрын

It’s not too late. Get yourself some help. I did when I was in my 30s. Now in my 40s my quality of life is so much better. I’m genuinely happy with who I am. It’s never too late.

@mwangingatia3855 14 күн бұрын

I'm attending my sessions at 38