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Anytime you are having to become a detective to figure someone out you are more then likely in a toxic relationship

By the time your done arguing with a narcissist you will be so confused you will be questioning your own damn name.

Narcs get mad when asked good questions about a lie

They get angry if you call them out or point out a fishy statement made from them. That's how you can tell they are lying

How do you know if a narcissist is lying? Are their lips moving?!?! 🤔 'Nuff said... 🤣🤣🤣

I’m realizing that his lies were lies of omission, if I asked too many questions he would get upset and say “I don’t know”. He faked change, he faked progress. Our relationship didn’t get better but he would project on me. A lot of the things he said he wanted to do didn’t match his efforts and once he started getting more called out. He was on run mode.

They're delusional. They believe their own lies!!!

They project onto you what they feel guilt over, and accuse you of it.

The biggest liar…is us lying to ourself and convincing ourselves that even tho their actions don’t match their words, it’s their words that we need to believe.

Your gut tells you the truth but we ignore it with these lying narcissists.

Another word : explanation. Don’t ask for one. They will lie and lie and lie. They will not give you the validation you need to get closure so stop expecting it. Just keep telling yourself you are a good person. They’re the liar and cheater, not you.

FOCUS ON THEIR ACTIONS NOT THEIR WORDS !!! ❤❤❤❤#facts

My ex would always say I don’t lie and I don’t cheat. She did both. Most narcs use social media a lot and that’s how they cheat.

I had a mental breakdown dealing with the reality the narc had me in. I could not distinguish a lie from the truth even when it came to my children it got so bad. I started not to recognize myself and felt as if I was in someone else's life. It was crazy. God delivered me, I called out to Jesus seem like everyday for months to get me back mentally. How I realized that I was free was I didn't give a damn where he would go when I made a plan to put him out. I'm a survivor

The biggest telltale sign for me is when a Narcissist refuses to look me in the eye. 🍒

Leaving out things they don't want you to know, sure they ran errands after work, but they conveniently forgot to tell you they met up with so and so for a drink. Musta slipped their mind, lol.

If you have a Narc in your life, start secretly recording! They are very skilled at isolating their victim when disrespecting.

At one stage you almost made me sound like the narcissist. I allowed him to push my buttons and then reacted negatively just for him to stare or ignore me. I didn't demonstrate love when he drove me crazy with lies, gaslighting, stonewalling, triangulation, silent treatment or blaming. I wish everyday I knew about narcissism sooner. I would probably not have been stuck in a dead-end marriage for 15 years.

A narc would rather climb a tree and lie to you then stand on the ground and tell the truth. Words are just words. Actions are actions,when the two doesnt line up its time to go.

the fact that they treat you badly, argue argue argue, hurt hurt hurt, but want to stay with you causes much confusion.

When you question the part of the story they conveniently 'left out', they respond with "I knew you'd get mad, and see, I was right, you are trying to start an arguement now".

Yes ACTIONS OVER WORDS! I've said it to my husband 1000 times your ACTIONS don't match your WORDS! You say this while doing this! Words mean nothing without ACTIONS TO BACK UP YOUR WORDS!

Omission happens so much. What is said changes each time they verbalize the data - just make a mental note. You will see the changes. You don't need to tell them what you see. The changes in the verbalizations about the same topic that the narc brings up. They can't remember exactly what they said to who. So watch the actions.

They always tell on themselves somehow someway.

Use your intuition. It works everytime!!

Narcissism is all about two things: power and control. When you start to realize that and then analyze their words and actions, if it's about having power OVER you and/or control OF you, you're probably dealing with a narcissist. If it's a consistent pattern, you're definitely dealing with a narcissist. I finally divorced my narcissist husband after 40 years. 40 years of gaslighting, of manipulation (that was the big one...he's a master manipulator), of his selfishness... Not all narcissists rage. My ex is a covert narc. Charming, talented...he has most of the people he knows absolutely fooled, thinking he's a good Christian husband and father. That he loves his family. It's a joke. I'm glad people (and especially women) are becoming aware so they can identify all these red flags before it's too late.

When they open their mouth their lying

Nobody warned me about him. None of his family or friends. They seemed so empathetic to me and kind. Then I realized they were happy to dump him on me. And if you are "neutral" or don't take sides, you are taking his side. They were. No matter how much they listened to me. No matter how much they said they wanted to help. They were taking his side. Every one of his friends and family. Then I realized that even though they said I was family, I wasn't. I was shocked how quickly they turned on me.

Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.

This is a profoundly helpful video. My narc always says things like "I don't know what you want me to say" and I always tell him it's not about what he says but that it's about what he DOES. I thank you for reminding me that the failure to demonstrate is what tells me all I need to know. Sending love to all who are hurting because of the abuse they suffer at the hands of narcissists. I know your pain ❤

So very true. Transparency can be used as a manipulative tactic too, however. They can show you what they want, appear to be vulnerable, and still go off and do whatever they want. Very tricky people.

With the narc in my life, if she told me the sky was blue I would go check. I learned not to take her at face value or take her word for anything. Especially, if I understood she had a motivation to lie. I’m the type of person where if I say something I don’t care who is around. I claim my words. But with her, she wouldn’t want people to know what she said in private because it would often go against the narrative and the image she portrayed in public. She was deathly afraid of being found out. She was a habitual liar by omission.

My narc got the liar's reward: i didn't believe a single thing he said, whether it was true or not

I just remembered, my narc husband always answered a direct question with "Yes... No". I used to ask him why he does that - I ended up naming him "Yes No". I now know it's because he's a liar and could not answer truthfully.

It’s hard to leave when you’re a child, dependent, and nobody believes you because they’re told you make up stories. 🛑

My life, since we met at work 12 years ago, and “together” for 8, has been indescribable. To have given him access to all of me, along w/ everything I had, shattered me to the core, when I realized what was happening. I would rationalize every excuse. His childhood was difficult. He’d never known what real love was. He’s protecting me. My rationalizations were never ending, just like his lies & deception. Close to 60 years old and it still hurts every single day. I thought I had forever w/ him. I do. Tears that go on forever. If not for the love I have in Jesus, life may have turned out differently for me.✝️

my ex narc would be so passionate about hating liars but lied all the time

I am teaching myself to hear words but listen to actions

I finally have come to a realisation. My ex was very generous financially although we did not have lots of money. As my carer he used that to make me feel cared for. The verbal abuse.did not make me feel cared for. Yet I stayed way too long because of the financial generosity and that has been the hardest part of the trauma bond to break. He never held it over my head but still had an ulterior motive. He knew that I am a loyal person and that would keep me thinking he cared about me. And that would keep me being loyal to “us”. Anyone else relate?

Don't wait for a narc to change. That'll be even more wasted time spent in bad health.

When you have 100% knowledge of the cheating, yet they still say "I didn't!" You have to just leave and go no contact.

Action speaks louder than words!!! I got to the point where I didn't even want to hear him talking because I didn't know if he was lying or telling the truth. His voice would errk my soul to the point I would tell him to stop talking because he talked so much.

Demonstrate their words with action 💥🎯 let their actions speak, not their mouth.

Love is a verb, not a word. Show people you love them, don’t tell them.❤

You can. Never count on a narcissist. Unless it benefits them

I don't think anyone who's never experienced the 'fog' can really understand it. Really hard to get out of.

I have trained myself when I'm in his presence to only think "You're muted" I took stock of your actions over the years. That is my reality. Words mean nothing. Up until now I was being played like a yo-yo. Meeting booked with a solicitors next week. 15 years, 2 kids...I'm done. Breaking free. Thanks for the video, just confirmed what I leaned the hard way.

True. Problem is you long for love so you keep forgetting about the demonstration of non-love and hope it gets better. The narcissist knows that. So you have to love and trust yourself to get out of the cycle of abuse and stop telling yourself lies.

I wish I saw this video about 17 years ago, I could of saved many tears

Experienced all that. And it got to a point where it was happening in my face and I was still questioning reality

Thank you, I was married to a narcissistic man for 22 years I went through lots of doctors and in hospital stays, they said that due to the stress I was under my mind and body defense was to shut down, I was killing myself without knowing it, we have been Divorced 4 years and he is trying to come back into my life and I won't let him, that makes him very mad and I don't care anymore. When all that was happening I also had a complete nervous breakdown. Please see the red signs because these people are really dangerous because they only care about how they feel, they don't give a damn about us.

After having multiple disagreements and, you finally say, ‘Before we start conversations, I should start recording you’. That’s the sign you’re dealing with a narcissist. I wish I’d known over 30 years ago! 😢

"Actions speak louder than words"

When I called out my ex on a massive lie he raged on and on about not being able to live in a relationship without trust. Then he said “who told you, was it my daughter?” 😂

Absolutely awful. When you get to the point when you believe nothing they say or claim to be doing (or not doing), there is nothing left to salvage.

The narc I was married to for a very long 8 years always used to say, “If you can’t remember what I said to you or what I said, write it down .. see,,, he had a hard time Remembering, he was involved in so much poop he couldn’t remember . Me, I remember everything , so a week or two would go by and I’d ask him the same question and that would be his response … write it down .. he thought he was being slick but in reality I knew he was lying .. at that point I knew 100% what I was dealing with and had less interaction with him did less with him and kept myself busy outside of the house .. at one point I even removed myself from the bedroom and moved into another bedroom . He thought it was funny because he thought I was “punishing “ him in my reality I was actually distancing myself .. I knew what he was and when he caught on that I knew what he was he became more aggressive and then eventually left after he had his new supply groomed and ready for him to move in.. because narcissist do that too.. the 8 years I was with him after about 3-4 in felt more like a life sentence .. offering advice to a victim is somewhat useless as everyone’s timing is different . But , if I could give one bit of advice , it would be when you leave STAY GONE and cut off all contact ! Be completely done !! Easier said then done .. but eventually you get to that point and then that’s when healing starts !!! First foot out the door follow with the next and take your heart and whatever is left of your mind with you ! 3 years and I’m still healing ! IF .. I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now , I would have stayed gone the first time I left … it only got worst when I went back until I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself anymore .. I left and kept driving never to return

If they not answer your questions you know they’re lying

There was so little demonstration in my relationship. The only time there was was when I was really beginning to see what was going on, when i was giving more value into the actions rather than the words. It was all talk. It was all an illusion. I was always waiting, it felt like. I was waiting for the demonstration. And i really really didnt want to stop waiting. A big part of me still doesnt. But i refuse to call it anything other than what it is. Regardless of who believes me. Everything was a lie, a future fake, something was always omitted, skewed, changed, manipulated to sound the best to whatever audience was listening. I often found the truth. But i never heard him say it... and ive had to do a lot of work around separating those two. The truth is the truth. His words are ... just words. And they do not validate or invalidate my lived experiences.

The really difficult part is that narcissism’s so often accompanied with substance abuse and/or personality disorders. Like chasing down and cutting off the heads of the Hydra.

Thank you Ben! He demonstrated the exact opposite of whatever came out of his mouth actually. Unfortunately I am not in a desirable situation and cannot go non contact yet 😕 praying intensely for deliverance and for God to rescue me and make the way out 💔

Everything, every word , with that sinister smirk is all the information you need

It's easy to know if a narcissist is lying. Their lips are moving.

the Phycopath narcissist really screws you up emotionally. I've experienced all the lies

As the saying goes, "If their lips are moving, they are lying." Great video! Thank you.

Pure gold right here! 😎 Actions speak 🗣️ much louder than words 💯

This video just completely broke me. I can’t stop crying. This is the first time I have heard someone else say the things I think everyday and the things I have finally started confessing out loud to my best friends. I knew it wasn’t my fault and I’m not crazy but I I couldn’t figure out all the confusion and I see why now but I still don’t feel like I can leave. Thank you for this video.

Demonstration over time...even transparency can be part of the hoovering process. Time is crucial for demonstrations, most narc's will get bored and go back to the toxic pattern.

When the words I say are wrong, but THE SAME EXACT WORDS THEY SAY ARE TO BE ACCEPTED 🤯

Narc in my world blows through my boundaries like a locomotive

I knew narcissist gas light, and manipulate - but I hadn't known that lying all the time was also hand in hand with them. My ex lied CONSTANTLY. And the rest of it as well, but I wasn't aware that constant lying was also part of the narcissistic traits. I was left with that thought. "Who even IS this guy I'm married to?" I can't believe one single word he said. After all those years.. what a waste of my life.

Or what about their wingman, their buddy in crime who is privy to their shenanigans, and maybe guilty of the same transgressions. They both use each other as the perfect cover. A double shammy whammy!

His actions are what ultimately made me unable to lie to myself about what he was doing. A man won't leave you somewhere for 3 years if he misses you.

You are absolutely right about cognitive dissonance having some horrible side effects. It leaves two completely contradicting ideas and beliefs about who the person actually is. I’m a recovering co-dependent in recovery for the last decade who to this day still doesn’t have a clue who some of the people that were on my healing path were. Love bombing, flattery, charm turned into the devalue, discard, ghosting, stonewalling, blame-shifting, projection nightmare. I think it’s important you are letting people know that this is real. I lost quality years off my life being too nice and being naive not understanding people have this personality disorder. But it did teach me boundaries, discernment, and how to honor and trust myself thank God.

OMG ...my narcissist lied about his soon to be xwife having cancer ....I was disturbed.Later found out from her own mouth she does not have cancer!! She confronted him.He denied....he gaslighted her told her she did tell him it.Lordy.....then I found out he cons women...has been years

Unfortunately, we live in a world where everyone thinks every one else is the narcs.

When you say. How they demonstrate love etcetera. You nailed it. Thank you..

"By the way..." means they're about to drop something on you that they've beem hiding because it's developed to a point where they need something from you. "Can I ask you something?" Means they've done something, and they're about to project it onto you, accusing you of doing whatever they have done. "Why are you angry at me?" Means they've done something and have been rehearsing an imaginary confrontation that hasn't happened, but they've already entered the confrontation and fully believe it's real. "I love you" means they like the way they feel when you supply them, and within the next day or two are about to drop a, "by the way...," and need some resource from you.

They don't look you in the eye and they always try to convince you before you find out for yourself that they're a good person like why tell it to somebody and not let them find out on their own

I have aspergers and high empathy so I track everything people say and quickly detect lies. I recognised the last girl I was seeing was a narcissist in just 3 interactions and even the first interaction when she asked me for a loan got my defences up. When it was clear what she was doing I went into fight mode and exposed her , and because everyone knows me they could understand what she was doing, she tried to attack me trying to make me jealous , but I knew her motivations and laughed because I've studied narcissism for the last year. Now shes in the confused powerless state. I've moved on from her and have a lovely woman who I care deeply about, I dont let women scam me by love bomb me , asking like a victim, playing me for a sucker then acting like I'm too blame. I only lost 8 euros , the price of a pizza because I figured the game in days and didnt even let the love bombing reach completion.

Action speaks louder than words.

Wowow, this was really helpful! You made it crystal clear to me. My boyfriend is, again, giving me the silent treatment. But this time I don't try to create peace with him, instead I ask myself what is going on here. His words and actions don't align. He once took condoms with him when leaving my house and when I asked What for??? He just didn't answer. I asked him again and he said that he is only with me and if I ever mistrust him again he will not talk to me again. There is no consistency, no transparency. I have to keep all this in mind, when he tries to come back.

I grew up and I tried holding people in my life accountable, my mom, my brother, my gf. When they would lie or cheat or steal I would try talking to them. Little did I know they all freaked out, they wanted to avoid shame. I realized I was surrounded by disordered people, bpd, npd, these people are everywhere

This is good advice for those of us dealing with someone who has bipolar and is in a manic mode.

When a politician opens their mouth.

Oh man! Your words! I think this is part of my ptsd cause it's all super triggering, every thought I finish with each piece of your cast BAM another one! I'm breaking down it all touches far too close to home!

Wow so spot on. When I called him out as to why someone he worked with had a negative opinion of me, he lost it and threw a plant right next to me smashing it behind the wall. That was it for me, game over. I was sober he was yet again drunk. His mum just said we are not good for eachother… fueling him and he will never heal as he’s never wrong, only the victim. I see it clear as day now, he incites arguments with those he loves, all control. I feel stupid for putting up with it for so long

Ugh! Once again to my benefit. You have put the challenge before me. I have forgiven her for her illness. Of which I understand was done to her. And I have forgiven my parents for what was done to me. I am struggling with the things that I she said that would have been good for me to work on. Because they were things that I needed in life. And I also remember that by growing in such ways would have led me to leave her. I even told her that would lead to our divorce. Upon writing this. I now realize that her fear of abandonment was greater than her loathing of my rebellion to her control. Thank God for you and your honesty Ben. It may take me until my deathbed. But I will not stop.

This is a family friend’s daughter. She cried to us about her husband’s alleged abuse. Yet she omitted that her own violence instigated the husband’s violence which was ultimately less violent than her. She had us feeling so sorry for her and angry at the husband. Everything she said about him was true word for word, but she lied by omission, making us believe something that was untrue. Once the truth came out and she couldn’t use him as a tool to dig for sympathy anymore she divorced the now lucky guy. I highly encourage him to get therapy.

If it's a narcissist......then they're lying!

He always comes back three months or six months in between. Time is coming soon. Limbo land gets smaller and smaller and I get stronger. I know what I want and it isn’t him. He is a cover narc I think. I don’t care, it’s he’s war not mine. I seining him som tames . We live in a small town. I'm not mad at him anymore he's sick. Thanks for your help and information.

Calm down buddy, you're speaking more sense i have ever heard come out of anyone's mouth in my entire life 🙌

How do you know when a narcissist is lying? Their lips are moving…

I can’t believe what you say because I see what you do.

So true but so broken I didn’t know that empathy was a crime so broken just survive and be your kind souls and have hope

Oh, s***, I never even heard that term before. But that's what the f*** is wrong with me. I am stuck in limbo land. The lies have me so fucked up. 😅😅😭😭I know nothing anymore, and I'm so numb, I can't cry. No one has ever said exactly what's on my mind before. 😭😭😭 She did that for 8 years. I'm broooken, thank you.

My nex is the King of Gaslighting and omission 🙄 don't miss that!

Mom dad and sister narc… this happened with all of them. I asked for a demonstration and each short-circuited individually. Kind of funny tbh😂

When I was with the nurses for 7 years I explained to him that actions are louder than words. But he still continued to lie, cheat, belittle, disrespect, womanized. All the broken promises all the shattered dreams all the blame game. I had enough I went no contact I have been no contact for months now and I am on the healing path I am feeling better about myself but there are triggers that I feel now and then. But I will overcome them also.

My mother, when i called her out on a lie, i could easily prove. "I don't know about that, i only know.. and repeats the lie" 😵‍💫