True

100% true

Pretty much

I get pressured almost every day to have sex and it is never enough so when I do say no I feel like I'm the narcissist and withholding. Nothing is more of a libido killer than sexual coercion.

No she doesn't withold it from me she gives it to everyone would say.She thinks I'm inferior to her.She has absolutely no empathy and is the biggest liar!

Hollow shell that’s exactly how I described our marriage to my husband and sitting next to me a few times I felt like he was actually hollow.. soulless .. it’s like sitting next to a dead person .. eeriest feeling I’d ever felt.. my initial thoughts were he’s cheering on me and doesn’t feel anything for me anymore .. which could also be very true .. 😢

Yep!

Like a mannequin soul less man on a mission for himself to use your feelings for something they want like a ride, a meal, cleaning their house, make them look good mask disguise. So very sad. Wrong. Selfish person. Needy too.

@@monicatorres4686 is it possible that the narc soul has been snatched out of their body, and inhabited by a demon?

​@@healingrays3762, wow I never thought of it that way.. yes could be😮

Omg yes. Great description

This explains alot!

So true

That’s what she said.

Amen

Likewise I was a virgin when I got married to the cover narcissist, eventually it didn’t matter about if I was satisfied or not. When I brought it up I was dismissed he said “it’s my fault you take to long” it’s like who was I suppose to talk to about this. I later one felt like sex was absolutely disgusting 🤮 and I didn’t want it anymore or it stopped altogether. Until I found out he was cheating has a whole relationship with a coworker while he abused me he swears he didn’t cheat when the call logs says otherwise. They will lie and say you don’t have any proof like we don’t know. I regret saying “I do” to this Abuser who used me for US residency and now he opened a church smh these wolfed in sheep clothing

There was no romance, kissing or hugging before the act. When he was through he would jump up and say, that relieved some stress... It's been 3 years since I stopped relieving stress for him. I am about to file.

Omg you described my experience so well I’m so sorry

Did you tell him your needs? Or did you just expect him to read your mind?

@@soundscapes4619 of course I tried to convey my needs. It was like talking to a wall.

Same happened to me, but gender is reversed. After 4 years of dating he was no longer interested in lovemaking, or even a hug or kiss. The only man I've ever known that was like this. Sorry you went through that..

I can somewhat relate to this situation. Thank you.

Same same .

Me too

Headgames 🎶 foreigner™

Right! And if you try to open up about sexual PTSD with a narcissist, everyone says effed up invalidating humiliating dismissive slut shaming bs to you like: "Keep it to yourself, no one is going to be attracted to someone who focuses just on the sex, not everything is about sex in a relationship, maybe you were just too demanding and scared them off, sounds like sex is the most important thing to you so maybe you need to readjust your superficial selfish oversexualized expectations, sounds like he/she is just really busy with work/family/friends/hobbies and they don't have time to meet your every sexual whim, maybe try growing up and stop needing sex all the time and find some hobbies instead of focusing on someone else who has their priorities in order, maybe they just have more important things going on in their life besides being your personal sex slave robot, maybe if you gave them more space they would want to have more sex with you if you weren't being so obsessive and controlling about it, I wouldn't want to have sex with such a needy clingy demanding sexual partner either tbh." Then you feel shamed into silence. Then you feel like you don't deserve sexual intimacy at all because most people don't want to think about or talk about sexual trauma. Especially "withholding sex" trauma. Because, "It's not like they r*ped you or anything! Calm down! If someone isn't in the mood YOU need to respect that or else maybe YOU'RE the aggressor coercing THEM into sex they don't want to have with you past the point of their consent so who is the R3AL victim here when you're being pushy and they're asking you to stop trying to seduce and manipulate them into unwanted sexual interactions with you!" This of course being said to you by other enablers after the narcissist love bombed, seduced, and objectified you and guilted you into meeting all their needs and accusing you of being selfish and a "tease" or "prude" or "frigid" when you try to say NO. And THEN abandoning you, shutting you out, blocking you, ghosting you, devaluing you, discarding you. And THEN when you try to reach out for more affection they ACCUSE YOU of being "too much" and tell you to "stop harrassing" them like as if you're some kind of stalker for wanting clarity or an explanation or closure or mutual respect all of a sudden you're deemed "far too much" when they just got "so much on their plate right now".

This was us. That constant feeling of imprisonment. Even when it felt good it didn’t feel good. I felt all sorts of negative emotions after but often tried to do and say positive words to encourage intimacy. He would indicate in some vague way that he wanted sex but never really initiated it. He would walk around mad when we did not have sex for a while because I didn’t jump at his vague Indirect statements and initiate . In 31 years he never once asked me what I desired, did I enjoy it, did he meet my need, but I did all of the above. His responses were ways vague, dismissal or sheer silence. He was reluctant to do anything that I like. No sense in pointing out any pleasurable act because it would not happen again. It seemed I subconsciously became aware of narcissism before I had learned of it because a year ago I started to call him out appropriately on everything. I stopped initiating and months went by with no sex then he moved out of the bedroom and a few months later out of the house. He says I did nothing wrong. I should have done that earlier.

😅

@@orchider143 --- and he didn't do all of that stuff, why? Because he hated you? Or because he didn't have the capacity or ability to do those things? Understanding all about the narcissist now, what is your answer?

Oh but they will tell others that you are friged.That you hate sex..No,I didn't hate sex ,I just grew to hate sex with him.Truth be told

Even the sex was not honest and I felt used and humiliated though he acted like it is normal and he calls me dear and honey. He prevented me enjoying it at all. And then hoovering he says that I am the hottest ever, just not being honest ever. 🙄

...Sex with the narcissist is "the best" is an illusion. Sex is even better when you've moved on to someone else who's emotionally and mentally healthy.

@@Indigenous_DNA Exactly upon really looking at the situation you realize sex with a narcissist is like being used for them to fulfill a body a function. It's really that awful 😖

Ofcourse the sex is amazing with a Covert narc. They are only mirroring ourselves. However all coverts are mirroring all they play at the same time and they have many. There is no inclusive in Narcology..The thoughts when I identify one is the fact if she is this freaky with me what freak is she doing with the others? The next thought is the FACT she can't wait to share a STD with me for misery loves company.

The sex was ridiculously good. I really believe they use the sex to manipulate you. My sex drive was not high till I met my ex-narcissist. But outside the bedroom they are total jerks, rude, liars only care about themselves. Dump them & Run. They can only hook you by the sex.

That’s because it was intentional. These folks are SO FCKD UP! 😒

Yes, every day is Opposite Day with them. The minute they know you want something they will make sure not to give it to you.

It is always intentional

😨😱😱😱😱

I know that feeling! Oppositional just for the hell of it, no matter if it made sense or who else it hurt in the process.

It's admirable that you opened up and shared your experience. Remember to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being.You are capable of healing and growing beyond your past. Sending you love and support on your journey

Thank you for sharing your experience with us you don’t have a clue how much. That helped me realize a lot. Of what I beennnliving and. Feel 🙏👏

Sadly this is true. Coersive sex is considered non-consesual sex. I've only recently found out about this, and it fills in that grey area of 'sex you have out of fear or emotional obligation, even though no part of you feels loved or loving'. Its kind of feels like an emotional rape of your psyche....yet somewhere along the way you ended up acquiescing to it. Sister - i feel you .😞💜

Yes our souls know. May God bless us.

I'm so glad you're free of him. X

Yes!!! I’m in the same place! My family things I’m loony when I’m the one trying to grow! I relate

Hugs, I can relate..

I'm in the same boat , well about to be , I smoke weed everyday and want to quit but the emotional abuse I get from her keeps me smoking and then the breadcrumbs and lovebombs always keep me coming back , last night I got drunk and almost lost everything, the only reason I stay is I have a two year old with her , and yea I do love her , that empty soul

Family and friends thinking you're mentally ill afterwards is the worst part. They actually don't know how mentally strong you are, cause you've been through Hell and you survived that.

​@@dust17111 Bro, leave her! I finally got the courage to leave and I'm on to leading a healthy life. Fight to have your kid as much as possible and be the dad that you can really be that you know you can't living with this horrible person. One thing that tipped the scales for me was to hear that it was actually highly damaging to my son to continue to live in the toxic environment created by her. You don't want your child to grow up thinking that is a healthy and loving relationship, then seeking out that same type of relationship or perpetuating it.

When you say “weird,” would you mind giving examples of your experience?

Always pressured me for anal(which I did not do) but also , the majority of the time it always ended with the doggy style position! But it always felt so damn good as if we were made for one another😭😢

I was 37 years, yes, the sexual attraction stopped for me as well, if we did get intimate, I felt dirty, hated it. Been no contact now for eight months… I have no desire for another relationship, I don’t trust men, I would rather be on my own and have peace of mind and no more being treated like a POS. I’ve suffered all the abuse that comes with a narc over the last 37 years… no more… he can go and treat someone else like dirt.. and a doormat.

I'm sorry for you, however give thanks for wising up, knowing life in its beauty& uglyness and knowing it won't happen again, know your subject well! Oh and yeah, me too

I understand exactly what you went through,I have a narcissistic boyfriend and he decides when or if 😂 we are having sex,sometimes I have to wait for three months😢,I feel almost asexual which I never was😮,I guess it is the starvation....

@@karannetaylor3977 thank you! I’m so much happier now! I feel relief! I can laugh again, my skin is getting healthier, I’m gaining weight again and I have felt real joy again!

Sameeee

Jesus. That was a mirror image of what I experienced. At least we won’t get caught again. Hard lesson. But a good one. Thanks for that comment. Good luck brother.

@@MarkLupson-it6xu Back at you brother, it only gets better from here!

Try Jay Reid… his work is amazing

@@juneelle370 Thank you! 💝

Same

I struggled with a similar issue…. YOU CAN DO THIS 🙌❤️🔥

Your description sounds so much like me. 😢

Hope you are doing well Kim, thank you for watching! Im glad this helps

So you rejected sex with you boyfriend, and you think he is the narc?😂

Yes

Yes

Hollow emptiness that can't be filled

Man you said rite ! These fools are so full of themselves in self denial walking around like they are better than everyone & do no wrong. It’s absolutely disgusting how selfish these shit humans are!

Lol 😂

Oh yes

same

Me too

That's a really great way to put that..."they live to reject you".

Yes yes and yes!

Good that you broke up and be strong 💪👏 My idiot ex did the same and made small subtile comments and then denying it and even took a picture of me once when I was angry just to use against me I think. Be he denied it 🤥 He was mirroring me in bed and thats why it was good the act but I felt he didnt really care about my pleasure. When he was finished it was done 😂 and going wanting to sleep and I was not satisfied but then it was my problem cause we had had time and it was then my problem 😂🤔😬 Real arrogant egoistic selfish "people" 🤔😒👎

My father made fun of my appearance with constant jabs. Also an aunt with questions like, “What size did you HAVE to order that in?” I’ve had a couple BF’s and “besties” also try to pull those little chattering squirrel insults. They’re not in my life anymore.

Similar experience, you are not alone!

Jesus I’m flabbergasted at all the people going thru the same shite! My ex cut off sex, tried to say I wasn’t enough. The truth is this covert narc is too immature to connect on a sexual intimate level, sex is him getting too close. It was always mechanical and he seemed a million miles away from himself even. I was glad he never pressured me, that’s the worst. My body shut down to sex with him anyway. It’s messed with my head but I’m recovering and I know I’m not one with the problem. At this point he finally moved out! I’m planning my No contact departure from this miserable, disgusting, tortured soul! My gratitude lies in the fact I was taught the most valuable lessons. The personal growth is beyond amazing. I take comfort in knowing the ol Boy will remain forever the same but I’ve had the power and knowledge to change.

Your weight will drop off once you are out of the hostile environment and in an environment of peace. Being in a constant state of fight/flight can cause weight gain. His comments about weight gain are designed to keep you weak and doubting yourself and to destroy your self esteem in order for him to keep control of you. Once he realises he no longer has control, typically the insults will increase or he will move on quickly. None of it is your fault. He would still be the same regardless of your dress size💗

Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com

Im so sorry, that is so deeply damaging. I went through something very similar. 19 years together, about 17 years married. I finally divorced him and I am enjoying life ☺️

Ahhhh....Peace at last 🙏 You’ve been spared ❤

I'm sorry. That is torture. I had the same experience (i.e. he touched me where I asked not to be touched and refused to where or how I asked to be touched). I think he is sadistic. It makes him feel powerful and valuable that he could inflict pain on me - sort of like "I must be valuable because look at the impact I can have" It's gross and caused me to shut down sexually.

Hope you’re continuing your healing and doing well!! Sometimes alone is the best place you can be!! 56 and single for 7 years. Ex husband alcoholic covert narc. All the kids are grown, me doing me has been amazing! 💯❤️

I have a couple on YT

Going through the same thing

it`s never genuine

I so resonate with your sentiment

Thanks for your comments!! May you all heal and have an enjoyable life

OMG…..that is the exact same way that I describe my experience with my ex. Exactly everything you stated 🫢 I thought it was me that dealt with that, because none of my friends or family could relate. It took me 4 years (we had an off and on relationship for 1 1/2 years) to get over him.

"It's crazy how our bodies sense the danger our minds deny" and "To be so wreck less with someone is a special kind of sick" . . . those words hit my heart, it's so so true

When I hit my most depressive state possible in our relationship, I was having an identity crisis. I considered that maybe I was asexual; and that's not a very light statement to consider. She turned it around and made people think I was using my identity crisis to manipulate her to sleep with me. It's been a year and I still feel insecure about offering my body to someone. She made me feel inadequate.

Yep. The contempt. The non-requirement for consent. Them thinking they are sexy, and not realising how turned off you are. It all robs you of the pleasures and association. I hope you got back to yourself 😊

It happened to me too. I remember my sex drive before getting marry. I felt happy I marry him and being able to make love for all our life. But then it was abusive, all the disrespect, all the humilliation…my body stop wanting sex, I still did it, but felt more like a rape instead of love and passion 😞

You worded this perfectly for all of us who are/were in the exact same boat so TY! I could have written that verbatim and yet two different relationships but the same scenario and feelings of guilt, self blame, etc occurred for me too. Even though he was gone the second sex was over! Forget about true intimacy, pillow talk or cuddling...except for the very beginning of our relationship. It's the worst feeling in the world and the loneliest too, mind Fk!

I think if they do, it is not coming from a loving place at all.

Or kiss. Or look in your eyes ... nothing intimate, at all.

Omg so true

She always wanted me to hug even after yelling at me all day

mine didn't, she hated snuggling, I once told her I love you after sex, she said " I ruined it

The twilight zone... Good analogy

They consider boundaries a challenge. The love busting through them. When anyone does that, it is a clear sign of disrespect for what you want.

Amen

Im sorry you had to go through all that, there's no timeline when you can finally say you are healed...but i hope you are doing better these days! Reaching out to a friend or community will help as well. Stay strong!

Yes I can relate to you. Now free and done with the relationship as well. It's been two months and will continue that way. Done!

Many of us have worked for years to understand the complex behaviors of a Fragile/Covert Narc and when we read that you are just starting to recognize it, we feel bad for you; for all the time it took ourselves to really get, how DANGEROUS these people, are.

Same 31 years almost 32

Ditto

Same, same here 😓silent treatment for 2 weeks don’t answer my simply question, then hi expected me to have sex with him after that 🙄

Yup same here. Silent treatment for a day or two, then he’d do his weird “stretch” to signal that he wanted sex. I literally started to get nauseous when the stretch came

I’ve gone thru this for almost 2years. I know how you’re feeling. Wish we could talk.

Same here ladies!

It adds further insult to injury when you are getting played and don’t understand the rules. They want to shame you while you please them, sick twisted mindset. The confusion is you’re operating from a loving giving mindset and their operating system is completely different. You’re not on the same page usually unbeknownst to you. Cue Cognitive Dissonance & Trauma bonding, shame on them.

@@phoenixrising8007 ABSOLUTELY!!!!

That was my experience too

If I had a £1 for every time my ex called me a prude I'd be very rich, Nancy. Once you see them for who they are you just can't be sexual with them. Took me a long time to realise that no is a sentence.

Sending you lots of love and positive vibes on your healing journey

Same been getting infections it's like my body's saying no

Here's a video hopefully might lessen your confusion why your husband is that way! kzfaq.info/get/bejne/a8Wooclq0KrakZs.html

Take care and save yourself from him

That’s what they do! My ex put together all kinds of furniture with the newfound patience of an angel, but as soon as I said “the wrong thing” he would rage again. And later on he kept trying to hurt me.. it’s just because they want to keep you on the shelf for whenever they want supply. Or want to triangulate the new partner. No thank you! Stay strong in your new apartment, you’ll love the peace of mind. 🤗

Wow! At first I thought....I didn't remember commenting on this before....then I reread your comment and realized that my marriage was 37 years so this wasn't my comment. But I could have written this one word for word.

They made us believe that they were faithful, honest, communicative, loving during the love bomb phase.....while we had no idea that it was a phase. It was a trap. We took the bait. This is sinister behavior.

Very stupid people

Exactly

True

Thank you for sharing that. It helps knowing other people have experienced the same thing and that the problem wasn't with me, it was with her. Thanks again and I hope you're doing well in your recovery process.

@@Bhatmut yes my friend, I am over it now. I feel bad for the person. They will never be happy. Always be a Narcissist. At least people like you and I can move on to find a true relationship. Good luck to you

In staying my kids got effected 😢 now realizing what I put them in is devastating. I'm still here going on 19 year's

@@mammadingo9165 I know & understand.

Isn't that wild. Same here

I feel for you, believe it is possible, visualize it, do your research, make a plan, keep it secret. Only talk to people who help escape domestic abuse, to a lawyer. You can do it, it will be wonderful!🍀

I’m in the same boat as you. 3 kids and 23 years with narcissist . I don’t know how to get out.

@@juliehinck4340 It's the mental fog that narcissistic abuse creates that doesn't let you see a way out. Looking back, there was always a way out. You just have to make sure to do it safely for you, your children, pets, and your possessions. Please seek counseling and help from professionals in domestic violence. Much love!🌷

@@juliehinck4340 Praying for you 🙏 peace of mind, and a path forward, support for you & kids, and the resources to keep you all safe regardless of the storm around you, someone to talk to🥰☕🧁, and a future that's bright, uplifting & full of grace & joy 💖

I'm 6 months out too. Wish I still wasn't stuck but he's now involved with a so called friend of mine who told him everything

@@elsie8966 yikes. Betrayal.

Keep it that way! It gets easier.

Stay strong! 19 months ago I did the same thing

@@smarternow this was my third and FINAL time. We broke up in 2018 and I went no contact. She came back in 2019 and that lasted a whopping 10 months. Then I went no contact for over a year she hoovered in 2021 when she showed up at one of my band gigs. She divorded the guy she married and said I was the one. I figured she was Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she finally told me she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder then I got wise to this crap. My band is playng tomorrow night and if she shows up I will give her 3 seconds to get out of my face.

Porn addiction will absolutely destroy a relationship. Had that experience, it’s horrible.

sounds so familiar 😞

Https://www.rawmotivations.com/survivor

Loo MO

Mine too!

I relate to this. I was addicted also, and 9 years no contact I'm still dealing with withdrawal symptoms.

That’s so weirdly similar to my situation! He would do the same routine in the bed every single time. I’m not sure of the exact reason for this? He seemed to deny his sexual needs with me and also deny mine when I brought up the lack of sex. Very weird. Towards the end he would get up and go back to doing whatever after sex, which made me so sad, no cuddling. Such a red flag.

You are so welcome. Would love to help you on your healing journey. If I can be of help feel free to grab a time here at www.rawmotivations.com

Omg. That totally sounds like something a narc would say. They are soulless pieces of shit. I hope you move on and heal.

I’m confused, you still with him?

That was his demon spirit talking to you.

Lee Hammock is a self aware narcissist who has indeed, gone to therapy. He's been in psychotherapy for 6 yrs. But he's rare. Most of them think everyone else is broken.

Same. Then I allowed him to hover me later and pay unknowingly for his narcissistic girlfriend.

Thankyou your comment resonates with me deeply.

I experienced this too.

Me too 😢

Yup. Sex became a duty. He needed it to regulate like it was a drug that eased his inner insecurities. When I began to pull back, I was suddenly an un affectionate selfish unloving person.

Yup my husband used sex when he was stressed out from work too. If it wasn't actual sex, he used apps for porn or to dirty talk with women kon these apps! But I too had to finish myself bc my needs weren't met either. I finally just made him leave the room while I finished bc I didn't want him near me. I hate he ruined sex for me, definitely turned into a chore and there was zero intimacy or love involved.

I can relate 💚🙏🏾🍃🌱

Yep ... the second always feels robotic and mechanical. A woman can't respond when she's not feeling any emotional connection.

Continue your healing journey and empower your self by gaining clarity, certainty and confidence. join our free masterclass here www.rawmotivations.com/masterclass