Thanks for the video! As someone with BPD dating has been a struggle. Three of my former partners have exhibited traits related to NPD. It's been tough for me to break that cycle of co-dependence and manipulation, but I've found a boyfriend now who loves me and cares about me :) I feel very lucky :)

I tried taking things slow, but it always feels the same , I love them way too fast - realize it and distance for a week or so to chill out - get back in contact and fall in love in 2-3 days again

Your videos are awesome! My ex-wife has BPD tendencies with GAD and PTSD and it was a huge struggle to navigate as I have ADHD with PTSD and Childhood Emotional Neglect. We both inadvertently triggered each other until we both decided it was time to split. We’re still friends but the real struggle for both of us is finding people that accept us totally and are not repeats of what didn’t work in the past. Watching your videos and getting good advice from my therapist and care network have encouraged me that there is hope still and that better days are ahead. Thank you for all the amazing work you do! 🙂

i love bomba bc i am actually in love :( it is so easy for me to love someone so quickly. every time ive loved someone within a few days ive continued to love them for a minimum of three years

I truly appreciate someone who's willing to take things slow

Welp, my ex with BPD was untreated and she broke up with me and cheated on me on Valentine's day. It's quite the experience I must say! Literally canceled on all my plans I made and said f*ck you it's over. It's amazing how they could just speedrun the entire breakup process.

I heard at work of a woman with bpd who gave her partners everything so they wouldn't abandon her. These men are married and the stories they tell about this woman paint a bleak picture of the bpd. Greetings from Argentina.

I've gotten over the most toxic relationships and look for secure attachment in partners. However now I'm learning that it is not enough that they're good and stable, there needs to be shared values, interests and dreams, attraction and chemistry. Forcing yourself to fall in love just because someone is nice and safe doesn't work either...

From one quite borderline to another….thank you. Your channel is helping me so much ❤

My gf has bpd. I met her just before Christmas, she's friends with friends of mine and came out with us one night. We got together properly mid January. She txt me... Do I want to come out for her birthday??... Hell yes... She's wonderful... So I went out.. We had a great time etc... So we've been together since January..... But Ive never known a woman who has been through/dealing with so much trauma!! She's been through some horrific times with ex's and some really really bad SA😣😔😞 it was so upsetting to hear😢😢😔I think she said she loved me after two weeks. I know you can't put a time on when you fall in love.. But it was kinda overwhelming. She said she wanted to be open cos she really liked me etc... And I'm 10 Yrs older than her.... She got mega huge issues and has other health issues... We've been intimate but not had sex yet... But that'll happen in time I told her. She's anxious, apprehensive etc she keeps blaming herself for everything. BUT..... I love her. I've told her. And so.... I support her, care for her and can't imagine life without her. She's an inspiration, she's quirky, funny and caring and loving. We've a lot in common too.... However, I'm quite, chilled relaxed kinda guy, she's stressy anxious overthinker mega insecure, quite the opposite. But we work well together. And things are so good, we're getting engaged. I love her so much! *update : we're engaged. Things couldn't be better *

This kinda turned into a bit of a vent, sorry. Read with your own caution: Kayla, I love your videos and they've been super important yo me as part of my therapy and recovering. Your reminders that we can indeed live happy and healthy lives despite suffering from this disorder keep me pushing forward. I struggle with Quiet BPD and issues with clinginess and codependency. I was polyamorous since 2014, but I'm starting to think that isn't for me. I was essentially an energy vampire who would do serial monogamy but call it polyamory; I'd feed on my partners' good energies and stay with them all the time, sit on the couch together all day playing games with each other. This would leave them drained and then I'd find another partner to be with because I wasn't getting the attention I wanted. I tend to be the toxic one in my relationships, and I'm working on it. Currently, I'm single. But I'm in love with a guy who lives far away. He's got feelings for me too, but he's very good at not letting me get too wrapped up in limerence. He knows I need to grow and work on myself. Neither of us are independent enough to commit right now anyway, and soon he'll be shipping off to basic training. So I'm trying to find some emotional independence, as well as finally getting a license and car, and having some money saved up. We're not in a relationship, so we're fine with eachother pursuing other people. I've been super lonely and touch starved lately. And I want to experience.. touch and intimacy with a man. I've actually never dated men before, and finding one I like and connect eith is hard enough, on top of that I am a trans woman so it's even harder to find someone. 😅 I just don't know how to.. put my feelings for him aside, and seek out someone else for the time being. My heart seems to only belong to him. But I want to be able to date around a bit since we're gonna be separated for a few years anyway.

Any advice on how to approach someone about seeing a professional for treatment? Someone who doesn't want to admit that there is a very destructive problem.

This was really useful, thanks! I haven't been formally diagnosed with BPD, but have been told by therapists that I display a lot of BPD symptoms. One thing that I have noticed about disclosing that I have BPD traits and explaining what it's like, is that it still seems to catch people off guard. For instance I might tell someone on the 3rd or 4th date, but then a month will go by and I have a neurodivergent episode and people tend to react poorly. Do you have any advice for navigating this?

Going with your analogy: you know you shoe size BEFORE you buy a shoe, so why would you buy a shoe that doesn't fit? Likewise, you know you have BPD BEFORE you start dating, so why would you put an innocent unsuspecting man's mental health in severe jeopardy by not having resolved YOUR mental health issues BEFORE dating?

she was covert BPD, I am Asperger + insecure attachment + most likely some codependent traits. ,... needless to say , it did not work out. When she started with love bombing + idealization , but this was so extremely toxic for me that I cancelled it all. My biggest chock was that a girl that seemed on the surface so secure, stable, warm personality , stable job, logically intelligent ,... also was arrested at an early age emotionally , it was like a little girl around 6yo came forward in her

Would you do a vid on going into a shame spiral???? I can literally tie myself in an anxiety -knot over worrying about how much stigma there is surrounding BPD. I've even seen here on KZfaq therapists and coaches who literally tell a partner to RUN FOR HIS LIFE! BECAUSE it's rare anyone speaks about it the other way. I try to stay away from those channels, but I sometimes see them. I live in a very rural backwards area. So anyone who is doing therapy keeps it quiet. Rationally I know BPD is successfully treated. But I've been battling core shame probably since I was 2. Thanks.

thank you for this

after being love bombed and then rejected by the third guy I realized am meant to be forever alone with this disorder and Im not gonna fight that anymore I might become a nun and Im not even kidding about that

Unfortunately I've come to the conclusion that I must abstain from dating all together. Despite being painfully aware of my symptoms, of the traits of NPD, and the dynamic that draws me towards malignant narcissists, at 49 years old I still do it. No amount of therapy or dbt has helped. Every other area of my life has improved significantly...I'm stable. Happy. I don't want marriage or kids ( obviously) so I'm actually far happier being celibate. Relationships make me utterly miserable and jeopardize everything I've worked so hard for. Not worth the 15 minutes ( at best) of fun.

Bpd impossible unless treated

Ive come here to warn others ...just dont run

*The only way to date someone with BPD is by not dating them at all* Plain and simple. This is the advice every person who dated someone with BPD gives. There is a reason why BPD is in the same cluster (B) as NPD. Save yourselves the heartache and many years of recovery and do not get involved with someone you know or suspect has BPD.

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